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It had been over 24 hours since the Ninja had heard from Zane. He had gone to visit Dr. Julien in the morning. Usually, when the nindroid visited his father, he would return by sundown. With Ninjago in peace, and his father getting older, Zane spent the day with him as often as possible. He was weak. Everyone knew that it was only a matter of time before he passed again. This time though, Samukai would not be there to receive the inventor. That fact is why Cole worried when Zane did not return at his usual time. Only one thought swirled through his head. His greatest fear for Zane. That Zane was in the spotted forest, his father dying, and Zane could do nothing but watch as it happened. He would be grieving alone. No one should have to go through that alone. The other ninja tried to assure Cole that Zane was fine. He must’ve lost track of time then it was too late to be out traveling at night. But it didn’t make sense. They were ninja. They all felt comfortable in the shadows of night.
Cole paced around the deck, worried for his friend. He should send Zane another message. Before Cole could reach for his phone again, he heard a heavy clank on the ship. He whipped his head around, seeing Zane stepping aboard. His arms hung limp and his head leaned forward, swaying with each step he took. “Zane!” Cole called out, practically leaping with long strides over to the robot. It was perfect timing, as Zane collapsed forward and Cole was able to catch him. Cole let the weight of Zane’s head rest against his shoulder as he hooked his hands under Zane's armpits.
“He’s gone…”
Cole’s breath caught in his throat. He needed no clarification. Cole looped his arms around Zane and squeezed the nindroid. Zane’s arms lifted and ghosted around Cole’s midsection, before dropping to his sides again.
“Let’s get you somewhere quiet,” Cole suggested softly. Zane weakly nodded but made no effort to move. So Cole lifted the ice ninja off his feet and hooked an arm under his legs for easy carrying.
Cole carried Zane below the deck of the ship. The pair passed by the gaming room. Inside they heard the muffled voices of Jay and Kai yelling as they played. They argued that they would win this round. Lloyd interjected every once in a while that clearly he was going to beat both of them. Cole was relieved that the others were distracted by their games. As much as he loved them, he wasn’t sure they would be of any help to Zane. They couldn’t understand how Zane felt at the moment. Not how Cole could. They couldn't understand the prolonged suffering of the inevitable end. The end that still takes you by surprise, even as you watch it approach. Cole brought Zane to their shared room. It wasn’t the most private spot, but it was better than nothing.
Cole gingerly laid Zane on his twin-sized bed and sat beside him. Zane didn’t move from the position Cole laid him in. The usual light in his eyes was gone and his face showed his default position.
“I see now why my father erased my memories last time,” Zane murmured, his voice glitching. “I-” Zane hesitated and looked up to Cole. “It hurts… physically.”
Cole nodded his head and lay beside Zane, facing the robot. The bed was cramped but the ninja had long forgotten what personal space was. “I know…” Cole mumbled. “I’m here for you Zane. You can talk about it if you want. Or we can just… exist together.”
Zane nodded and stayed silent for a few moments, staring at Cole. “I feel empty,” Zane stated after a long pause. “In films, I always see people sobbing when their loved ones pass… I am equipped to cry tears. But I just…”
“Feel like there’s an empty pit inside you?”
“Yes… precisely…”
Another moment of silence passed. Normally, a room filled with this much silence and Zane’s intense staring would be awkward. Rather than anxiety, there was an air of understanding.
A few tears slipped down Zane’s face, falling to Cole’s plush pillows. “How did you feel after your mother passed?” Zane asked. “How did you deal with it?” Cole had vaguely mentioned it in the past, but was always quick to change the subject. From what Zane could tell, her death was relatively recent in Cole’s life. “You don’t have to tell me… I just… don’t know what I’m supposed to do now…”
Cole closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Zane’s assumption of the timing was correct. “I ran away from home,” Cole began. “My dad was distracting himself in his own ways, so I decided to find my ways.” Cole opened his eyes again, meeting Zane’s icy blue stare. “I tried climbing mountains… with no gear… the fear of falling to my death if I slipped kept my mind off of it. I don’t think it was very healthy for me. That’s when I met Wu. He said he was looking for me. I didn’t understand what he truly meant. All I knew was that it was a change of pace, something new to distract me.” It was strange to think about. If his mother had not passed, he would not be here at this very moment. Lying beside one of his closest friends in the world. “At first, being at the monastery was lonely and it made me feel worse... All I could think about was how I didn’t even know if my mom would be proud of me or not. But then Wu brought you and Jay back…”
A small smile crept onto Cole’s face as he recalled meeting Zane and Jay for the first time. Zane was mysterious. Jay was a blabbermouth. “It… was a nice distraction,” Cole hummed. “Rather than having a death wish, Jay distracted me with all his terrible jokes. You distracted me with your wonderful food. But…” Cole’s smile faded as he gulped. “Sometimes the sadness would just… randomly strike me. I’d see a simple flower, not even a lilly, and it would make me fall apart. Even when a second before I felt at the top of the world…”
“I see…” Zane hummed. “How come Jay and I never saw you cry? You were certainly more serious when we first met but... I would have never guessed that you had just lost someone so dear to you.”
“I didn’t want anyone to see me like that,” Cole sighed and shook his head. “Not even in a weird toxic masculinity way. Just… I didn’t want to bring you two down. Plus it felt weird, I guess? To cry and tell someone I had just met that my mom was dead… I don't even talk with my dad about it.”
“I would have supported you, Cole,” Zane assured.
“I know you would’ve, Buddy,” Cole agreed. “But I wasn’t sure back then. I didn’t even know your favorite color. I knew nothing.”
Zane nodded and a comfortable silence fell upon them once more. After a while, Zane finally broke his gaze from Cole’s face. His eyes looked to his knee that brushed against Cole’s, slowly stealing the warmth from the Master of Earth.
“Sorry,” Cole murmured, pulling his leg back.
“No, no,” Zane assured. “It felt… nice.” Zane looked back up to Cole who seemed to be analyzing him. “I think I would feel better with more contact. When you hugged me earlier, it also made me momentarily relax.”
Cole nodded and without a word, he pulled Zane into a close embrace. Zane slipped an arm under Cole and hugged the larger man back. Wrapped in the loving, warm embrace of his teammate did make him feel better. Zane sighed and closed his eyes. He snuggled closer into Cole’s chest, his ear pressed to the muscular body. Faintly, he could hear Cole’s steady heartbeat.
Zane felt a sharp spike of pain as he remembered how yesterday he listened to his father’s heart thud as Cole’s did now. Only for it to fade, grow weaker until…
Nothing.
No air filled his father’s lungs. No blood flowed through his body. His heart did not beat. His head, once full of so many ideas, now contained no activity.
Zane gasped before an onslaught of tears poured down his face, soaking Cole’s shirt. Cole’s grip around Zane tightened, holding the nindroid closer. This must have been what Cole mentioned. How even the smallest of things, that were vaguely related, set him off.
Zane twisted his head so his face rather than his ear pressed against Cole's pectoral muscles. He couldn’t stand to listen to Cole’s beating heart any longer. Zane refocused his attention on Cole rubbing circles into his back. He needed to focus on anything else. Whatever it took to forget the feeling of hearing his father’s heart beat to a stop. Zane squeezed Cole tighter and Cole returned the squeeze. Cole’s strong arms helped Zane feel grounded. He was safe in Cole’s big arms. Nothing could stop this bubble of serenity.
“How long did you feel like this?” Zane whimpered. He didn’t care that it had only been a day. He wanted it over now. How was he supposed to protect others when he felt so miserable?
“I still do,” Cole answered, leading to another sob racking through Zane’s body. “I still miss my mom every day and it still hurts. The only thing is that now I’ve learned to live with that grief.” Cole looked up from his dear friend and to the pot on the windowsill which grew flowers. “I like to do something that honors my mom every day,” Cole began. “Even something small, like how I make my tea… I make it exactly how she liked it. It’s how she taught me. That way she’s always with me.” A tear slipped down Cole’s cheek. He bent his neck and buried his face into the top of Zane’s head. The white hair collected his few tears. “It helps. The days that I feel like I can’t go on without her are getting further apart. I can remember her again without crying every time now. But I’m still grieving.” Cole sniffled and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “I’ll never not miss her… she’ll always be important to me. Now I continue forward, it’s what she would have wanted for me. I know she’s proud of me…” Cole hiccuped as more and more tears fell from his eyes and wet Zane’s white hair. “I know your dad is proud of you too,” Cole quavered.
Zane nodded his head, refusing to speak. He knew his language model was glitching. Even with his eyes closed he could see various system error warnings. Dr. Jullien had equipped Zane with the capability for complex and intense emotions. However, it seems he had not expected Zane to become as sentient as he was. Zane assumed his sentience had something to do with his unique power core. Perhaps it was due to the previous ice elemental visiting Zane and his father before he passed. Zane would never know for sure. His old parts simply could not handle the intensity of it all.
The two held each other as they cried. Even as the sun set and their tears dried, they held each other in a tight embrace.
As the hours passed, the other ninja grew worried. Not only from Zane’s continued absence but now from Cole’s disappearance. When they finally checked their shared room, they found the two asleep, still curled up to each other. Seeing tear tracks on Cole’s cheeks, they could only assume what happened. The most likely option was the truth. They could wait until the morning or until Zane was ready to tell them. For now, the two were left to rest.