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“Mr. Stark! Can we make cake pops?”
“We? Kid, who the hell is “we”?” Morgan isn’t even home, having gone to a friends for a sleepover while Pepper and Tony were both busy with SI business (meetings and paperwork respectively). Ted and TJ were both busy, as far as he was concerned, and their parents didn’t want them too far from home after The Blip stuff that happened. So who the Sam Hills did that leave? Tony glances up from his tablet and regrets it immediately, for standing in the middle of the cabin’s quaint kitchen, was none other than Pete’s chaos boyfriend, Deadpool. In full costume.
Actually, they were both in full costume, sans mask for Peter. They must have just gotten back from their little patrol and/or chaos fueled nonsense in the city. But— they’re nowhere near the city.
“How did you two even get here? Did you hitchhike? ‘Cause you know exactly how I feel about that stuff, Pete.” Tony keeps his tone casual, yet stern. Leaning back in his chair at the kitchen table, his metal arm whirs softly.
Pete waves his hand dismissively. “We didn’t hitchhike. Promise. Wade drove us.”
Tony sets the tablet on the table in front of him, pointing to Wade dramatically with his flesh hand.
“He can drive?”
Peter nods.
“Well?”
Another nod.
“Legally?”
Peter grimaces.
Tony can’t help the soft laugh that follows the response.
“I’m more glad you didn’t try catching a ride with someone else. Do I need to bill someone for the car?”
Wade shakes his head in a dramatic manner, crossing his arms over his chest. “Not stolen. Well, not illegally.”
“…and that means?” Tony raises a brow.
Peter takes a half step in front of the former mercenary. “It means we know who the car belongs to and plan to return it when we head back.”
“Pete.”
“It’s Aunt May’s!” Wade interrupts Peter before he can even fully open his mouth. “She said we could take it as long as Peter wasn’t driving without his license. And technically! We did honor that arrangement!”
With a deadpan expression, Tony responds simply, “By having you drive illegally.”
“Yes, but that’s not the point.” He claps his hands together, calling the end to that particular conversation, to Tony’s irritation. “The point is cake pops, at the moment. Can we make some?”
“Only if we circle back to the illegal driving conversation later,” Tony declares.
“To be completely fair, I can’t actually afford to get my license, so there’s that.” Wade turns back toward the kitchen, already moving to pull things out from cabinets. “But yeah, anything for cake pops. Oh! Petey! We should make Lorax cake pops! ”
“Lorax cake pops?” Peter grins.
“Yeah! With that shade of orange that you hate so much for no reason.”
“It sucks! It’s the worst shade of orange!” Peter shoots back.
“Exactly! That means it’s perfect! Lore accurate, annoying as fuck, Lorax. Fix the trees, or say goodbye to your knees. It’s the laws of the land, Babe.”
Picking up his tablet again, Tony decides to make his exit, moving for the living room and the L-section of the couch everyone seems to fight over all the time. Morgan’s things are scattered across the floor, My Little Pony’s standing in little lines like they’re going to war against the dinosaurs she has lined up to face them.
Apparently, if he can recall the conversation he’d had with her about it earlier, they had to stand like that if they weren’t doing anything on their respective adventures. FRIDAY had suggested a book on child psychology that mentioned lining up toys, and the executive decision was made to leave them there until Morgan could put them away herself.
He can still hear Wade and Peter going back and forth, having two separate conversations at the exact same time without any pause to the overlapping chatter. Tony bets he’ll walk in there later and find cake batter on the ceiling and flour over every other available surface, both boys still bickering over why that particular shade of orange is so awful.
They aren’t like how he and Pepper are, but the parallels are still there. They balance each other out, piss each other off, and bicker about stupid little bullshit things like “self care” or “sleep schedules”. The biggest difference between the two of them, and Pepper with Tony, is how bad they both are when they’re not together. Pepper at least has the sense to survive without him, a plan for everything and every occasion no matter how sudden, and a bullshit self care schedule someone could actually survive off of. All of that while Tony is the walking disaster. Peter and Wade though? Worse than walking disasters. Both of them. Hurricanes of self destruction. If it weren’t for Wade’s freaky regeneration abilities, Tony’s not completely certain he’d still be alive. Peter either, but that’s for his kid’s general self sacrificing tendencies.
Something falls in the kitchen, a metal bowl it seems, from the crash followed by the hilariously loud scattering-rolling sound that comes after. The kitchen remains silent for a solid thirty seconds before Wade chimes in with, “This is why my parents left me”, followed by a choking, wheezing sound from Peter and Tony’s burst of laughter from the living room.
Pepper comes home a few hours later, heels held by their straps and suit jacket thrown over her arm. She takes one look at the kitchen, turns around, and heads immediately back outside for several minutes without acknowledging anyone in the house. She comes back in with a soft, exasperated smile firmly in place and the broom they use to sweep the front porch.
“Hey Mrs. Stark!” Peter greets her excitedly, bright orange frosting making sections of his hair stick straight up and orange dye smeared around his mouth in a way Tony tries very hard not to care too much about. The boys are both teenagers after all.
“Hey, sweetheart. You look like you’ve been having fun.” Pepper pulls Peter into a side hug, promptly placing the broom in his hands after. Her eyes narrow at the orange dye as well, her questioning gaze finding Tony’s half concealed irritation with more than a little amusement prominent in the press of her lips.
“Yeah! Wade and I made cake pops! Do you want one? They’re Lorax themed.”
“With the shade of orange you hate?”
“Do you even have to ask? Wade says it’s “lore accurate” or whatever it was he said.”
Just then, Wade pokes his head around into the kitchen, missing his mask, frosting and powdered sugar making the texture of his scars the slightest bit more noticeable and orange dye staining his face the same as Peter’s. “Is Morgan here?”
“No, she’s staying the night at a friend’s,” Pepper responds.
“Good, okay, so, what I said was, “lore accurate, annoying as fuck, Lorax”. It’s just the way things are, and the shade of orange matters , Mrs.Stark.”
Pepper grins at the two more fully. “Why don’t you two go clean the kitchen. I’ll make dinner after, so you two should have plenty of time to make out later.”
The reaction is almost instantaneous. Both turn bright red, Peter sputters something incoherent, walking stiffly into the kitchen to help Wade all the same. Pepper has that mischievous smirk of hers that Tony can’t get enough of, framed by messy hair she tugs her hair tie out of as she makes her way over. Tony loops his real hand around the back of her neck, pulling her in for a gentle kiss.
“How was your day, Mrs. Stark?”
“Annoying, but fine, Mr. Stark.”
Pepper moves to sit pressed between Tony’s side and the armrest, pulling his flesh arm around her shoulders so that she can press a kiss to his hand and lace her fingers through his.
“People want to talk to you. Are demanding it, really. It’s nothing to worry about, I just might have to send out an Email of some kind with a timeline for when you will most likely be back. If that's alright with you.”
He presses a firm kiss to her temple. “That sounds fine. I should probably get back to work anyway, lots of big company stuff to do, y’know.”
Pepper smiles up at him, all the love in the world focused on him from those mystical blue eyes. Twelve percent for him, and the rest for Morgan and Peter.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay going back? I don’t want you to push yourself too hard, especially considering your arm.” There’s a crease between her brow, concern displayed so readily for him and how he wishes he could push it all away, get rid of all the things his wife had to worry about. Sadly he couldn’t, but he could try.
“I’ll be fine, Pep.” He smiles softly. “Promise I won’t do anything too dramatic.”
“You promise that now, but I’ll be getting a call from HR within a week of you starting work again about some stunt you’ve pulled at a conference, or something,” Pepper says, teasingly.
“You know me. Just can’t seem to keep myself out of trouble. But that’s why I have you,” Tony responds.
Something crashes in the kitchen, another bowl spinning dramatically on the floor, thoroughly ruining the moment.
“Sorry!” Wade’s voice echoes from somewhere out of sight.
“Wade,” Peter teases. “I just washed that one.”
“It’s not my fault it’s wet!”
“That’s what she said.”
“ Peter ,” Tony chides.
“Sorry, Mr. Stark!”
Something else crashes to the floor.
“ Peter— ” Wade echoes, exasperated.
“Yeah, I get it. I know. You don’t have to rub it in, I heard you.”
A much, much more concerning crash sounds, shattering glass hitting the floor paired with a yelp. Pepper and Tony are both up in a second, stepping into the kitchen to find Peter and Wade both kneeling on the counter, staring at the mug that had shattered on the dark wood floor beneath them unblinkingly.
Tony snaps out of the mini stand off first. “Are you both okay?”
Wade and Peter both exchange a look. After a moment, Wade finally answers. There’s still frosting on his face, Tony notes.
“Mentally, physically, or emotionally?” He asks.
“Physically.”
“Yeah, we’re fine then.”
“And all the other ones?” Pepper inquires, reaching for the broom.
Wade smiles brightly down at her. “Up for debate.”
While Pepper sweeps up the glass, Tony takes a moment to glance around the kitchen, and it is— it’s honestly better than he expected it to be. There’s still frosting on the ceiling, and most other surfaces. Bright orange, impressively smooth, and everywhere . Orange frosting and powdered sugar handprints cover most of the counter. One single section looks to have been partially wiped off before things started falling left and right, while the rest is hardly distinguishable as a counter anymore.
Then, a thought strikes him. “Where exactly did the cake pops you two were making end up?”
“They’re in the fridge,” Peter responds, carefully climbing to the floor after Pepper confirms the glass is gone.
“I didn’t want them to get all deformed before Morgan could see them,” Wade adds.
“Well then,” Pepper smiles. “Does that mean we all have to wait ‘till she’s back?”
“Yes it does,” Wade nods.
“Alright then.” Pepper carefully leans the broom against the counter by the sink, snagging a towel from the counter as she goes. “Tony, would you mind ordering out tonight? The kitchen’s gonna take—“ A glob of cake batter falls to the floor just to the left of where Pepper is standing. “A little longer than I thought it would.”
Nodding to his wife, Tony grins widely. “Sure thing, Italian?”
“I was thinking Chinese, actually.”
“Will that be all, Mrs. Stark?”
“That will be all, Mr. Stark.”