Chapter Text
As the night deepened and the city’s vibrant lights flickered to life, Shen Yuan stirred from his sleep, overwhelmed by a strange sense of confusion and lingering sadness as he woke up from his dream. A long, vivid dream lingered in Shen Yuan's mind, as if he had truly lived through it, yet its details slipped away like sand through his fingers, leaving only a haunting emptiness.
A single tear traced down Shen Yuan’s cheek as a wave of intense, unexplainable emotion engulfed him, leaving him bewildered by the sudden rush of sorrow he could not name.
“Tears?” Shen Yuan muttered to himself, rubbing his hands over his face as if to erase the proof of the emotions he couldn’t understand.
He glanced out at the shimmering city lights of BeiJing, the clock on the desk quietly ticking 7:26 PM, its steady rhythm contrasting with the turmoil swirling within him.
It was the weekend, and with no school tomorrow, Shen Yuan had returned from cram school and collapsed into a nap, though he never meant to sleep this long, his body succumbing to exhaustion in a way that felt unfamiliar yet necessary.
When Shen Yuan picked up his phone, a flood of messages from his two older brothers and younger sister greeted him, their texts pouring in like a whirlwind of laughter, questions, and shared updates. Among the flood of messages, his younger sister stood out the most, always pleading for more allowance money because she had already run out, her tone a mix of innocence and subtle desperation. In her own way, she was undeniably cute like this—playful and cheeky, with a hint of mischief in her words that made it hard for him to stay annoyed for long.
Shen Yuan glanced at the highschool textbooks on his desk, then decided to leave his homework for later, feeling a sudden urge to catch some fresh air and ease the tension that had settled in his apartment.
He changed into comfortable, casual wear, grabbed his cap and keys, and stepped outside, walking for a few minutes until he reached the bustling centre, where the street buzzed with life and activity.
He walked in a quiet, meditative manner, his thoughts drifting as he recalled how he had come from a province near Beijing. Driven by his desire to attend a top high school and university, he had made the bold decision to live on his own in the city, seeking independence and a future he could shape for himself. His family was affluent enough to support him, enabling him to rent a sizable apartment in the city centre and secure a place at a prestigious highschool, granting him the freedom to pursue his ambitions in the heart of Beijing.
Since the first year of highschool, Shen Yuan had been living on his own, with only occasional visits from his family, which gave him both the independence he sought and the reminder of home.
Shen Yuan was used to doing things on his own, often taking solitary walks that allowed him to reflect in a meditative state, finding comfort in the quiet moments of solitude. Rushed with the intense emotions from his dream, Shen Yuan felt he needed this time alone, the quiet of the walk offering him a brief escape to sort through the turmoil swirling within him.
He made his way to the street stalls, picking up some late-night snacks before heading to the nearby river to sit by its edge. The winter air was cool against his skin, and as he took in the view of the gently flowing water, he savoured the quiet peace and the comfort of his snack.
The dream had left Shen Yuan with a profound sense of emptiness and sadness, though he couldn’t understand why. He chalked it up to the stress from studying too much, hoping it was just his mind’s way of reacting to the pressure, but the weight of the feeling still lingered.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he glanced at the screen to see a message from one of his closest friends, breaking the silence of his quiet moment by the river. The message read, [Where are you at the moment?] Shen Yuan didn’t think too much of it and quickly typed back his location by the river, then slipped his phone back into his pocket.
Shen Yuan also sent a quick follow-up message.
[Why?] curious about the reason behind his friend's question.
[I'll meet you there, don't move anywhere.] His friend replied almost immediately, leaving Shen Yuan wondering what had prompted the sudden plan.
Not even 20 minutes had passed when Shen Yuan suddenly felt a firm grip on his arms. The hands were warm and sweaty, likely from the urgency with which the person had rushed to him, breathing heavily as if they had run all the way. The handsome face of Liu Qingge appeared before him, his hair sweaty and tousled, strands flying in every direction, yet it did nothing to diminish his striking appearance.
"Shen Qingqiu!" Liu Qingge yelled, his voice filled with a mix of relief and urgency, as if the sight of him had stirred up a flood of emotions. Liu Qingge's eyes suddenly lit up with recognition, as if the name had sparked a memory that had been hiding just beneath the surface.
“Shen Qingqiu? Who is that?" Shen Yuan asked, his brow furrowed in confusion, not recognizing the name Liu Qingge had called out. Although Shen Yuan asked in humour, the name Shen Qingqiu still tugged at his heart, a strange, lingering feeling he couldn’t quite shake.
Shen Yuan teased with a smug, "Did you already forget my name? I'm disappointed, Liu Qingge, even after all these years as friends."
"Wait, you don’t remember?" Liu Qingge asked, his voice tinged with nervousness, as if the realisation was beginning to unsettle him.
"Remember what? My name?" Shen Yuan replied with a playful shrug, his smirk widening. "Did you hit your head somewhere today?"
Liu Qingge stood there, caught in a moment of exasperation and silence, as if torn by some inner turmoil. Seeing his friend like this, Shen Yuan felt a pang of sympathy and, without saying a word, pulled him down onto a patch of grass beside him. They sat together in quiet, and with a soft gesture, Shen Yuan handed Liu Qingge some of his food and drink, breaking the stillness between them.
"What's wrong?" Shen Yuan asked, his voice soft but concerned. "Is everything okay?"
Liu Qingge, holding the food in his hands, gazed silently at the river before shaking his head. "No, nothing is wrong," he murmured. "I’m just glad that you’re still alright...still alive."
Shen Yuan’s cheeks puffed up like a hamster as he looked at Liu Qingge with mock indignation. "What do you mean, alive? I’m doing perfectly fine! Well… maybe except for last week when there were a bunch of exams!"
Shen Yuan asked his friend. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you for a while since exam week.”
Liu Qingge took a bite of the food, his expression softening slightly. "I’ve been busy with fencing," he said, his voice steady. "I was scouted to join the under-18 Olympic team."
Shen Yuan’s eyes lit up with excitement, a glitter of admiration shining through. "Wow, congratulations!" He exclaimed, genuinely happy for his friend.
Liu Qingge had entered the high school on a sports scholarship, his academic grades being abysmal and the school shouldn’t have accepted him, but his exceptional physical fitness and fencing talent had earned him a place and made the prestigious school turn a blind eye.
They finished the food, but it wasn't enough for the both of them. Shen Yuan had only bought enough for himself, not expecting Liu Qingge to join him. With a laugh, they made their way to a nearby lamb skewer barbecue stall, ordering more food. It was the perfect opportunity for Liu Qingge to get his much-needed protein intake too.
They chatted and tried to catch up on what they had missed in the past week—small updates about school, the stress of exams, and the daily routines that had kept them busy. Despite the brief time apart, it felt as though they picked up right where they left off, slipping back into the comfort of shared memories and laughter.
Just as they were getting comfortable, Shen Yuan’s phone buzzed with an incoming call. "Hello?" Shen Yuan answered, his voice carrying a hint of curiosity as he brought the phone to his ear.
"Shen Yuan, where are you?" A panicked voice came from the other side, urgency clear in every word.
"I’m at the lamb BBQ place. What’s wrong, Yue Qingyuan?" Shen Yuan asked, his tone a mix of concern and curiosity as he glanced at Liu Qingge.
Shen Yuan was perplexed as he held the phone to his ear, realising that both of his friends had called and texted him tonight with a sense of urgency, something unusual for them.
Just like Liu Qingge, Yue Qingyuan appeared moments later, breathing heavily as if he had run all the way there, his expression filled with urgency and concern. As soon as he appeared, Yue Qingyuan rushed forward and enveloped Shen Yuan in a tight hug, his tears streaming down his face, the worry and fear evident in every trembling breath.
"You’re here…you’re alive!" Yue Qingyuan whispered in relief, his voice cracking slightly as he held onto Shen Yuan, as if afraid to let go.
Shen Yuan pulled back slightly, his brow furrowed in confusion. "What’s wrong with you? Are you okay? Actually, what’s wrong with both of you? And why are you crying?" he asked, his voice filled with concern and a hint of frustration.
With a tall, handsome young man crying his heart out, it was no wonder that passersby were staring at their table. Their striking looks, combined with Yue Qingyuan’s emotional outburst, drew even more attention. Unable to bear the attention, Shen Yuan quickly dragged Yue Qingyuan into a nearby chair, wrapping his arms around him in a comforting hug, trying to console him amidst the curious gazes of those around.
After Yue Qingyuan calmed down, his deep, sad gaze fixed on Shen Yuan. "Shen Yuan... do you remember?" he asked softly, his voice trembling with a mix of hope and fear.
Suddenly, a sharp voice interrupted from the side.
"No, he doesn’t." Liu Qingge said firmly, his gaze steady as he looked at Yue Qingyuan, as if he knew something Shen yuan didn't.
Yue Qingyuan's face fell, his expression collapsing into devastation as Liu Qingge's words hit him like a blow. He looked down, his shoulders slumping, as if the weight of it all was too much to bear. Yue Qingyuan looked at Shen Yuan’s face, searching for some sign of recognition or understanding, but all he saw was confusion and perplexity—Shen Yuan looked completely lost, as if he had no idea what was going on.
Shen Yuan, feeling the weight of the silence and the uneasy glances around the table, had enough. He pulled Yue Qingyuan in closer, then waved over the stall owner to order more food, trying to ease the tension and lighten the atmosphere. "Let’s just eat," he said, offering a reassuring smile.
The atmosphere slowly eased as they settled into a more relaxed rhythm, catching up in a friendly manner. Yue Qingyuan, still occasionally wiping his eyes, started to speak more casually. He was the class president of Class A, which consisted of the top academically advanced students in the year level. Shen Yuan was also in that class and Yue Qingyuan was his classmate.
As the night deepened and the streets grew quieter, they finished up their conversation, the laughter and chatter giving way to a comfortable silence. Shen Yuan felt the weight of the evening’s events and fatigue, and decided to walk home alone to gather his thoughts. But before he could even take a step, both Liu Qingge and Yue Qingyuan, with expressions of quiet determination, firmly refused, insisting they must accompany him on his way home. Their concern was written plainly on their faces, and despite Shen Yuan's initial protests, their resolve did not waver, each of them standing their ground with an unspoken understanding that, tonight, they wouldn’t let him be alone on his way back.
With no choice but to accept their insistence, Shen Yuan sighed softly, feeling the warmth of their concern, and allowed both Liu Qingge and Yue Qingyuan to walk him home to his apartment, the three of them walking in quiet companionship beneath the city’s glowing lights.
"Alright, I’m back here," Shen Yuan said as they reached his apartment, offering a small smile. "I’ll see you guys at school."
As Shen Yuan's smile appeared, it suddenly overlapped with another, a smile that mirrored his perfectly—his face reflected back at them and the expression was identical. Shen Yuan made his way up to the apartment, his footsteps echoing in the quiet night. Liu Qingge and Yue Qingyuan stood there, stunted and frozen in place, their emotions swirling, caught between nostalgia and concern.
Liu Qingge, still staring at the spot where Shen Yuan had just disappeared, turned to Yue Qingyuan with frustration in his voice, his eyes searching for answers. "Why did he not remember anything?" He asked, the weight of the question heavy in the air.
Liu Qingge glanced at Yue Qingyuan, his expression sombre as he spoke.
"Maybe it's for the best," Yue Qingyuan words heavy with uncertainty. He was trying to make sense of it all, but knowing deep down that perhaps the memory loss was a kind of protection, even if it didn’t feel right.
"Yes… maybe it's best forgotten of all things that happened." Liu Qingge continued, his voice low and steady, as if speaking the words helped him accept reality. "We didn’t protect him right before, but we can still protect him now." His gaze was resolute, carrying a mix of guilt and determination.
While both Liu Qingge and Yue Qingyuan continued their conversation downstairs, Shen Yuan took the elevator back up to his apartment, the familiar hum of the lift blending with the stillness of the night. As the doors slid open, he stepped inside, the quiet of his apartment greeting him like an old friend. He closed the door behind him, feeling the weight of the silence settle in.
He flopped down onto his soft sofa, the cushions welcoming him with their familiar comfort, and let out a deep sigh, feeling the exhaustion of the night settle into his bones. His mind was a whirlwind, but the softness of the sofa and the quiet of his apartment offered a brief respite from the chaos.
He muttered to himself, "Shen Qingqiu," the name rolling off his tongue with a strange familiarity, as if it held a deep, unspoken connection. It was so dear, so intrinsically tied to something he couldn’t quite grasp, but no matter how hard he searched through his memories, he couldn’t place why it felt so important, why it seemed to resonate within him like an echo from the past.
With a sigh, Shen Yuan busied himself with finishing his homework, trying to distract his mind from the lingering, confusing thoughts. Despite having already finished the exams last week, he still had homework from the cram school to complete, and the rhythmic motion of writing helped to ground him, if only for a moment.
The days passed quickly, and before he knew it, it was time for school. Shen Yuan woke up early, slipping into his uniform with practised ease. His apartment, not too far from the school, allowed him to take his time as he left for class. On his way down, he passed the familiar lady who sold meat buns and soy milk at her little stand. With a nod and a quick exchange, he bought his breakfast and continued walking, eating the warm buns and sipping the sweet soy milk as he made his way to school, the quiet streets still bathed in the soft light of dawn.
He headed up to his classroom, the weight of the approaching future pressing down on him. As a senior in high school, the atmosphere was thick with tension, a constant undercurrent of pressure hanging over his classmates and himself. With only half a year left until the Nationwide Unified Examination for Admissions to General Universities and Colleges, every day felt like a step closer to the daunting milestone, and the stress was beginning to show on everyone.
By the time Shen Yuan arrived, the classroom was already buzzing with activity—every student had arrived early and was deep in their textbooks, flipping through notes and scribbling down revisions. This was their final year of high school, and the Nationwide Unified Examination (Gaokao) looming ahead was more than just a test; it was a gateway to their futures, determining which universities they would attend and, for many, setting the course for the rest of their lives. The entire class seemed glued to their textbooks, their faces etched with stress and exhaustion, the pressure weighing heavily on each of them as they tried to cram as much knowledge as possible into their already overloaded minds.
Shen Yuan made his way to his seat, where his seatmate, Mu Qingfang, was already settled, deeply engrossed in a biology textbook. The pages were filled with neatly written notes and diagrams, and Mu Qingfang's focus was absolute, the intensity of his concentration.
"Good morning," Shen Yuan said, his voice breaking through the focused silence, offering a small smile as he sat down beside Mu Qingfang.
Mu Qingfang looked up at Shen Yuan with a startled expression, as if the sudden greeting had pulled him out of his intense focus. For a moment, his emotions flickered across his face before he suppressed them, replacing them with a soft, gentle smile. "Good morning," he replied. His tone was calm, but hidden away was his fondness and emotions.
As Shen Yuan glanced around the room, his eyes landed on Yue Qingyuan, who was sitting at the front of the class, meticulously preparing his notes. His expression was focused, almost intense, as he rearranged papers.
But as soon as Yue Qingyuan heard Shen Yuan’s voice, he immediately turned around, his hands fumbling slightly as he dropped what he was doing. With a friendly smile, he walked over to where Shen Yuan sat, clearly eager to engage. He began asking questions, his concern evident as he checked in on Shen Yuan’s well-being, his voice filled with care. Over the weekend, Shen Yuan had received a barrage of spam messages from both Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge, all expressing concern about him, but after the repeated texts, he had grown somewhat fed up and eventually stopped responding, choosing to ignore their messages.
So this morning Yue Qingyuan decided to come over and check up on Shen Yuan.
"I'm fine, stop worrying," Shen Yuan replied with a light sigh, offering a reassuring smile, though the fatigue in his voice was evident. He didn't want to deal with the constant concern, but he understood where it was coming from, even if it felt a bit overwhelming.
Yue Qingyuan smiled softly, his eyes reflecting relief, "I'm glad you're okay."
The teacher arrived, and the class began in earnest, the usual routine settling back into place. Yue Qingyuan made his way back to his seat, his smile lingering for a moment before he returned to his notes. Throughout the day, the classroom was filled with the steady flow of accumulated lessons. Shen Yuan did his best to focus on the teacher, though his mind occasionally wandered back to the strange events of the past few days. Finally, the bell rang, signalling lunch, and a collective sigh of relief seemed to ripple through the class as students prepared to take a much-needed break.
The school offered a long lunch break, providing students with the option of nutritious meals prepared on-site. The cafeteria served a variety of wholesome options, but despite the convenience, many students preferred to leave the campus or make their way home to have lunch. Some made their way outside to grab a bite from nearby food stalls, seeking a change of scenery, while others rested under the shade of trees, enjoying the fresh air and taking a moment to unwind before the afternoon classes began.
Before they left Shen Yuan called out to Mu Qingfang, who, with deep eye bags and an exhausted look, stubbornly declined, insisting on staying behind to finish his work and do additional study. Determined to achieve a high score for the Gaokao for the scholarship for medical students, prompting Shen Yuan to sigh in quiet concern for his friend’s relentless dedication.
Yue Qingyuan and Shen Yuan walked out of the classroom, the warmth of the afternoon sun casting a soft glow on their faces, and as they were joined by Liu Qingge.
The trio walked together in a quiet yet undeniably high-profile manner, each of them standing out as some of the most handsome boys in school, their striking appearances drawing the occasional glance from passersby, though none of them seemed to acknowledge the attention as they moved in sync, their conversation casual and unhurried amidst the soft buzz of the lunch break.
Many girls couldn't help but swoon, stealing glances and whispering to each other as they admired the handsome figures, who seemed to exude a magnetic presence that drew attention effortlessly, their striking appearances and confidence.
They made their way out of the campus, their footsteps echoing softly as they approached their favourite food stall, a well-known spot that always had a line of eager customers. The tantalising smell of food and spices greeted them, making Shen Yuan's stomach rumble in anticipation. The stall owners, recognizing them instantly, always offered a generous discount, knowing well that the trio's presence brought even more customers to their small corner of the street. Shen Yuan loved coming here not just for the delicious food but also for the warm and familiar atmosphere.
After finishing their meal, the trio relaxed for a moment, savouring the last bites of their food, and Shen Yuan picked up a cup of milk tea, the sweet and creamy taste a perfect ending to their lunch. He glanced at his friends, feeling the comfort of the small break before they had to head back to the school, and after paying, they gathered their things, Shen Yuan carefully holding the cup in his hand as they made their way back to campus, the cup of milk tea a small indulgence to keep him going through the rest of the day.
Shen Yuan decided it was time to separate from his friends for a brief toilet break. He handed his cup of milk tea to Yue Qingyuan, telling him to head back to class first while he took a detour. Without waiting for a response, Shen Yuan turned and made his way to the nearest restroom on the first floor, where he took a moment to relieve himself.
After washing and drying his hands, Shen Yuan stepped out of the restroom, finding himself on the first floor, where most of the first-year classes are at. His pretty face and graceful presence naturally drew their attention, but it was also the rarity of seeing a third-year student on their floor that made them stare with a mix of admiration and curiosity.
Shen Yuan felt a wave of awkwardness as the stares from the first-years intensified, realising he shouldn’t have used the restroom on their floor. He quickly turned to leave, but before he could, a firm hand gripped his arm, halting his steps.
"Shizun." A low voice called out, tinged with desperation, sending a chill down Shen Yuan's spine as he turned to face the source of the grip.
There stood a young boy, so strikingly handsome that Shen Yuan felt he needed to reconsider his entire understanding of the word. The boy was the living embodiment of every synonym for "handsome"—graceful, captivating, and undeniably alluring. A tall figure with perfect proportions, his presence commanding attention effortlessly, as if he were sculpted by the hands of a master artist, every feature impeccably balanced and flawless.
Even though Shen Yuan often lived under a rock and kept to himself when it came to school matters, he knew exactly who this student was—one of the top figures in the school, a first year student whose reputation for both looks and talent preceded all boys, making his presence undeniable. He was Luo Binghe, the name that carried weight across the campus, known for his striking appearance, impeccable grades, and the aura of someone who seemed almost untouchable.
"Shizun." Luo Binghe's voice was low, filled with an intensity and despair that shocked Shen Yuan. "I missed you."
Shen Yuan was utterly confused. He had never crossed paths with Luo Binghe before, nor had they ever shared any interactions, yet here was the boy, speaking to him as if they had a deep connection.
Shen Yuan composed himself, keeping his expression neutral, though inside, a whirlwind of emotions swirled. He spoke calmly, "Hello, fellow junior classmate. I'm sorry, but I don’t think I have ever met you before."
A look of shock and desperation washed over Luo Binghe’s face, his eyes widening as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing, the grip on his emotions tightening. Luo Binghe slowly released Shen Yuan's arm, his gaze filled with sadness as he stared at him. "I am Luo Binghe, a first-year student. I hope...I can be friends with you, Senior."
The voice that pierced the quiet air was sweet and also carried a sense of familiarity, "Luo Binghe, where are you? Class is almost starting." It was Ning Yingying, a classmate of Luo Binghe calling from a distance.
For a brief second, Luo Binghe’s expression faltered, his sadness mingling with something else—perhaps guilt or regret. Seizing the opportunity, Shen Yuan, still reeling from the strange encounter, calmly spoke, his voice breaking through the silence with a tinge of finality.
"I am Shen Yuan, a third year student. The bell has rang, why don’t you make your way back?" His words, while composed, carried an undertone of distance, a subtle push to break this strange interaction.
"Shizun—! Senior, wait!" Luo Binghe called out desperately, his voice thick with urgency, but before he could reach Shen Yuan, the bell rang, signalling the start of class. The sudden sound of the bell seemed to cut through the air, and in the chaos of students heading towards their classrooms, Shen Yuan slipped away, blending into the crowd. Luo Binghe stood frozen for a moment, his arms outstretched in vain, as if trying to grasp onto something he couldn’t reach. His eyes were wide with confusion and sorrow, helplessness etching across his face as Shen Yuan disappeared from view, leaving him standing there, uncertain and lost.
Ning Yingying approached Luo Binghe, her footsteps light but curious. "Who were you speaking to before?" she asked, her tone laced with a mixture of concern and confusion. Luo Binghe blinked, still reeling from the sudden disappearance of Shen Yuan, and for a moment, he couldn’t find the words. His eyes, clouded with confusion, glanced back toward the direction Shen Yuan had left.
Luo Binghe’s voice trembled as he spoke, his eyes glossed over with unshed tears. "I... I just saw Shizun," he whispered, the words barely audible, but the emotion in his voice was unmistakable. His hand trembled slightly as he wiped at his eyes, trying to fight back the tears, but they fell freely nonetheless.
"I...I thought he would remember me," Luo Binghe continued, his voice cracking with the weight of his heartache. His normally calm and composed demeanour was shattered, leaving only the raw vulnerability behind. Ning Yingying watched him with wide, worried eyes, sensing the depth of his pain.
But Luo Binghe could only shake his head, lost in his own sorrow. "Shizun... He... he doesn't remember."
"You saw Shizun?" Ning Yingying asked, her voice trembling with a mix of shock and disbelief and her eyes wide with surprise.
Luo Binghe never left his gaze in the direction Shen Yuan had disappeared, his eyes fixed with a longing that seemed to stretch into the distance, as if hoping the figure would reappear from the crowd, though his heart knew it was futile with class having started.