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In all of Zero's life, he never really thought about how Kaname's death would affect him, would affect all of them. Not because he didn't care for him, but because there was no point. Kaname wouldn't die.
Sure, he's thought about killing him, but he never actually thought he would. During those days of hatred and longing, he'd pick fights with Kaname and dream of his blood splattered on the floor, but he knew he'd see him the very same day. There was no if Kaname would be there, he just was. Always there in his life, in everyone's lives. And he never gave it much thought. It was almost like a fact; the grass was green in spring and Kaname would be there to see it every year.
So it startled him, rattled him in his core, when Kaname got hurt. Truly hurt. In pain, tear wrenching pain.
It was all a blur honestly. He and Kaname were grabbing sweets for Yuki, nothing of note was going on that day. Then, a rather bitter group of vampires caught Zero off guard in an unpopulated area. Kaname just paid the price defending him.
It wouldn't be an issue, Zero assumed, Kaname's been through much worse. He could survive just about anything, he always had. He always would. It was just how things were supposed to go, the status quo. Kaname would heal up just fine and it'd be a funny story to tell everyone else when they got back home.
And then he didn't. The group had anti vampire weapons on them, planned to take out Kaname in a suicide murder. And they just kept pooling in, their numbers bigger than they thought. Zero took them out easily after his brain caught up, but there he was, carrying a bleeding Kaname in his arms.
When was the last time he's seen Kaname bleed so heavily? Sure, they drank blood. Sure, sometimes Kaname cuts his fingers while trying to cook. But he never bled out. He never cried. He never relied on anyone to save him from death. Until he did.
So, Zero sat in bed and watched as Kamame slept his pain away. Hanabusa was able to help them, as oddly quiet as he was. His knowledge of care helped him give Kaname what he needed to live it through, but even Zero could see his trembling fingers. The unshed tears that welled up in his eyes as he saw the love of all his lives in such a terrible state; it was clear as day that he was scared. Not that he told anyone. He just went on about how it was common for higher classed vampires to get caught off guard, and how wonderful Kaname was to only be caught now. He sang those praises as if they'd make everything better. A reminder.
And Yuki…sweet Yuki. Zero didn't know what to say to her; her soul was fragile like that. Her savior laid in rest as any healing human would, but it was uncanny. Unnatural to see the man who'd protected her for so long be weaker than her. Not because of any fault of Kaname's, but because of her perception of him. He was just there, that was how things always were for her. Since her birth to now, he'd always been there. Why would he ever leave? She kept with that attitude desperately.
Everyone had their own reactions to Kaname's kiss with death, and here Zero was just now coming to terms with his own. Kaname, the man he's fought and loved for years, the man he would fight and love for many more, was weakly breathing in the covers of his bed.
Zero always thought that Kaname would outlive all of them. That he and Yuki would one day–in one distant day–carry flowers to their graves and reminisce on their lives. Kamame would be there for the rest of his life, Zero would not. That was what would happen, should happen, and with Hanabusa's help, that fact would remain for some time.
However, Zero still held Kaname's cold hand, and he still cried for him while those wine eyes were closed.
In retrospect, it was foolish, comically so. Kaname would be as alive as ever, just as they all thought before. He would walk it all off as if nothing had happened. His body would carry no scars, flawless as ever. His broken bones would mend with ease, stronger than ever. He would be the exact same as before the attack.
But there was a new catch now. He would stay the same, yes, but for only as long as time would allow. If the world ever decided on it, Kaname would crumble into crystal shards upon his death. No body to mourn, no corpse to bury, no time to say goodbye. On that day, he'd die and leave everything behind him, and Zero didn't want to carelessly take the time he had for granted. Not any more.
He kissed Kaname's hand and ran his own through Kaname's hair. He took everything about him in, and through his tears, he smiled. Kaname was with him now, and that was everything he needed. For every day the angel before him was alive, that was a day to celebrate.
Kaname Kuran could live or die, Zero would forever cherish his life.