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“Hey Chris!” The new guy beamed as he walked in. Face of an angel, innocent smile, and a deep thick accent that sounded like home. All the other trainee’s looked on in horror, waiting for the inevitable, “It’s Hyung,” conversation.
Instead, Chan looked away to hide the blush on his cheeks, “Morning, Felix.” He had no time to dwell on this feeling, he had to get the group ready for when the teachers showed up.
Seven years later
“So let me get this straight, so you're telling me you have been in love with Felix from day one? He doesn’t know! AND you aren’t planning on telling him?!” Jisung grilled Chan after he spent the afternoon pouring his heart out. It was never Chan’s intention to tell anyone his heartbreaking secret. Jisung just happened to burst through the door of his studio when he was crying to Tiktok edits of all the missed moments he had with Felix. All the times he could’ve said something. It was a rabbit hole he found himself in often these days, being surrounded by two of the most disgusting couples known to man. Being the last single 3racha member felt kinda lonely some days.
“No, I just cried for an hour for no goddamn reason,” Chan sniffled in frustration, “He doesn’t need to know. Actually, no one needed to know. Next time I am putting a padlock on my door.”
“Are we watching the same edits? Just out of curiosity, can I see?”
“Fuck it,” Chan tossed his phone to Jisung. It can’t get any worse, “Wait? The same edits?”
“You have no room to judge me, mister! Stays make really good edits, I wish they were right about you two being all lovey dovey and together. Or well they have part of it, I don’t see how you don’t see it.” Jisung scrolled through Chan’s liked tiktok videos for a moment, it took all of three before he threw Chan’s phone back into his lap.
“Now are you so disgusted that you will leave me to wallow in my self pity alone?” The first two were sweet, lovely edits the third well it was a tad more risque to say the least. If Jisung wasn’t harshly judging him before he probably was now.
“How you still think it’s one sided I will never understand… So hopelessly in love and horny it’s made you stupid! But uh joking aside, I’m sorry,” Jisung sighed as he went in to hug Chan but backed up quickly, “Wait is this weird? Am I being weird? Can I hug you?”
“I could use a hug, but then get out please,” Chan hung his head defeatedly.
“Love you hyung,” Jisung whispered as he wrapped his arms around Chan’s shoulders, “You didn’t let me suffer alone so I’m not going to let you, ok. Like I said I don’t think it’s one sided, no one thinks it’s one sided except for you. If you need something, call me or any of us and we will be right over you know that,” Jisung smiled as he went out the door.
“Wait,” Chan gathered what little courage he had left and beckoned for Jisung to come back in, “Are you really sure?” His resolve began to crack around the edges as he replayed Jisung’s words over and over in his mind.
“There is no way to be 100% sure unless you ask him yourself,” Jisung plopped back down in the seat across from him and continued.
“I would but—” a knock at the door interrupted Chan, “Come in.”
Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Well an angel would be a more apt description as Felix walked in the door carrying Chan’s favorite take out dinner and a smoothie.
“And that’s about it. Thanks for listening, Chan Hyung, see ya later bye!” Jisung made his escape and shut the door before either of them could get a word out. Chan would get him for that later.
“Hey Chris!” Felix said brightly, “Figured you could—” He stopped mid-sentence and squatted down in front of Chan, “You’ve been crying haven’t you?”
“I’ll be fine,” Chan tried to turn his chair back to face the sound board but Felix stopped it.
“You don’t have to talk about it, but I got food too. So, I am gonna sit down and eat. If you want to talk fine, if not just at least eat, please.” Felix learned from Jeongin the straight forward approach often worked best with Chan… curse the kid for figuring him out so easily, and even more so for sharing that information.
Maybe the straightforward approach would work in return, “Do you like me?”
“Everyone likes you,” the question seemed to go over Felix’s head, “You’re very likable, believe it or not.”
“But specifically you,” Chan rephrased it slightly.
The response didn’t provide any more clarity than before as Felix responded casually with a mouth full of salad, “Of course, you are one of my favoritest people.” Sweet, silly and a little oblivious as always.
Chan sighed, he picked up his food and closed the take out container the second he opened it. He couldn’t eat just yet, “Do— nevermind,” Chan chickened out. He couldn’t push this any further; he didn't want to risk losing the relationship they already had. Even if he wanted more, it would kill him to see Felix be awkward with him or worse, totally avoidant of him if this went sideways.
“No need to say anything, just eat up,” Felix smiled warmly, taking another bite of his salad as he began to scroll on his phone.
Chan did the same; there wasn't a way to avoid it. Felix probably wouldn’t leave until he did anyways. After finishing his food Chan turned back around, returning to the work he was supposed to be doing before Jisung showed up. Felix was still in the room, but that wasn’t anything out of the usual. Especially now that he was actually just working.
“Chan,” Felix tapped his shoulder as he pushed aside the headphones for Chan, “Dance with me?”
“Hmm?”
“Just get uuuuuup!” Felix whined, pulling a reluctant Chan to his feet. He reached into his pocket for a moment to do something to his phone. There was a slight delay but by the time Felix had his arms wrapped around Chan, Perfect by Ed Sheeran , was playing over the room's speakers as they slowly stepped together to the rhythm.
We were just kids when we fell in love,
Not knowing what it was
I will not give you up this time
But darling now kiss me slow
Your heart is all I own
And in your eyes,
You're holding mine.
Felix began to lean in, Chan’s heart dropped and panic spread like a wildfire across his skin. He did his best to not show it trembling as he closed his eyes and met Felix in a tender kiss as they swayed. No words, just sweet giggles and chaste kisses until the song faded out. There was his answer.
“How long?” Chan asked simply, still swaying with Felix in his arms despite the silence.
“Have I known? Or how long have I loved you too?” Despite the bravery from earlier his voice was now soft and shy.
“Both.”
“When Jisung pulled me aside after practice my first day and grilled me about not calling you Hyung… It was obvious back then. For me… It was when you told me you’d always find me.”
“Why did you wait so long?” Chan watched every single memory replay in his head like a highlight reel of their best moments. Wondering why he never saw it, regret burning through him like acid.
“Everyone was happy, life was stable until it wasn’t,” Such a simple statement triggered memories neither wanted to relieve, “But you still showed me love anyways. I didn’t want to ruin it by being greedy and asking for anything more when you had the world on your shoulders. I mean I could ask you the same, Why did you wait?” Felix asked in return briefly letting go of Chan to wipe the stray emotional tear from his own cheek.
“You’re right it was from that first ‘Hey Chris,’ my heart dropped and that was it but… We were kids. Life was hard and I know I made it harder on everyone. Same as you, I didn’t want to add to that stress. Especially if you didn’t feel the same, but I’ve always loved you.” Chan rested his forehead against Felix’s with a slight chuckle of relief.
“Is that why you were crying earlier?”
“Yea,” Chan admitted sheepishly, “I was watching edits of us from stays and maybe fell down a rabbit hole or two… Jisung walked in and well... I had to explain.”
“Why did it make you cry though?” The questions kept going back and forth as did their bodies to a rhythm in the silence that only they seemed to know.
“Never imagined you loved me like this. I didn’t want to ruin things, but… I don’t think I could’ve waited much longer even if Jisung hadn’t interrogated me. I’ve always wanted to do this,” Courage finally came to him as Chan threaded one hand into Felix’s hair and pulled him into another kiss. This one, much more passionate than the last, “So pretty, so perfect… Mine.” Chan whispered against Felix’s lips with a smile as big and bright as the mid-day sun.
“Yours.”