Chapter Text
It was a well-known fact that Helen Herriot née Alderson didn’t suffer fools. It had gotten her into more than a fair few scrapes as a lass and, as a young woman, a reputation for being ‘hard work’ in the minds of the men who would not-so-discreetly declare their wishes to step out with her and then their frustrations when she’d cut them off for making some wrong move or other, in the Drovers of an evening. Older gentleman, including her own father, would grumble about her lack of patience or respect or some such drivel, whilst the older women had praised her for being smart. She liked to think it was the latter.
However, there were two people, whom she had affectionately titled ‘idiots’ in her head, who she loved dearly and had suffered to behave so on a particular topic for quite some time. But no more. The two in question were her dear friend Audrey Hall and her husband’s, at times exhausting and abrasive, business partner Siegfried Farnon. Since moving into Skeldale after her marriage to James, Helen had watched everyday (and she thought proudly to herself, rather patiently) as the senior vet and his housekeeper circled each other under what she perceived to be a rather tenuous and thin veil of long-standing friendship and platonic affection whilst living together in a kind of pseudo-domestic bliss.
Only months ago had they narrowly avoided losing each other and breaking up their patchwork but happy family irretrievably, in the form of Audrey moving halfway across the country to the Lake District with Gerald. Winter had now turned into Spring, however, and the two were still yet to move beyond their well-practiced dance of ‘Just Friends’. This would have been fine of course, if it was truly how either felt about the other one but Helen had it on very good information that this was not the case and she had seen enough.
With James now home from Abingdon for the foreseeable and as a result, having not only a lighter heart herself and more time on her hands (because Jimmy was being commandeered by his namesake to allow father and son to bond), Helen was determined that ‘Operation Mrs Farnon’ not only be a go, but be completed successfully before the seasons changed again.
The first step in Helen’s personal mission was to get the two ‘idiots’ as they were to admit their feelings to themselves (and hopefully someone who would be her comrade in this endeavour, namely James). The easiest person to start with would be Audrey of course because she would be in charge in that department, but she’d extracted a promise from her husband - after a certain amount, and a very specific way, of convincing him - to tease out a confession from Siegfried whenever he could find the right opportunity.
You see, this was what frustrated Helen, Siegfried would have to be worked upon in order to get him into the emotionally vulnerable position needed for such a revelation. The subtle art of manipulation had never been Helen’s strong point, most likely because of her unrelentingly forthright nature. It was a skill she had always admired in Audrey actually, and what she suspected to be the reason behind the triumphant success that was the stalwart housekeeper’s professional and friendly relationship with the eccentric and, more often than not, cantankerous veterinarian. So it wouldn’t be her who would try to finagle Siegfried into sharing the truth of his heart but instead she would take on her usually just as direct friend and confidante.
Audrey Hall meant so much to everyone at Skeldale, and even those of the wider Darrowby community, but to Helen Audrey had been a godsend in the last couple of years as she had undergone the kind of drastic and daunting life changes that a young woman would usually turn to her mother for help and guidance with, or just a comforting smile in the face of. So now Helen wanted to return the favour in some way and to see the woman, who went above and beyond to care for everyone and everything around her, just as happy and content as Helen felt with her place in the world. Helen knew this first step would still not be easy though, determined as she was to see it through, because despite the fact that Audrey could be just as blunt as she, when it came to topics that made her uncomfortable, the formidable Mrs Hall could be as much of a coward as the next.
What this meant for how and when Helen could engage her in such a delicate conversation, was the bit Helen envisioned having the most trouble with: they would need to be utterly alone and they would need to be so without the imminent risk of interruption so that Audrey might not be saved from revealing anything by some expectedly unexpected chaos erupting nearby that she could runaway and tend to instead.
Luckily for Helen though, she was afforded this opportunity after only a short wait.
it just so happened that on an auspiciously quiet Saturday evening wherein none of the men had been called out to any emergency farm visits or in-house surgery calls to mean they wanted a quiet night in by the fire, they had all nodded enthusiastically when Tristan had called for a ‘couple’ in the Drovers and filed out quickly thereafter. Audrey decided to sit down with what Helen perceived to be a mountain of wool in order to knit for the next shipment of clothing to the men on frontlines from the Women’s Institute, and not go out herself. Seeing her opportunity present itself to her, Helen had made some excuse about wanting to start a book and put her feet up and knowing they would be left for a good many hours to their peace, winked and smiled slyly at her husband as he followed the others out of the front door, shaking his head amusedly at his wife as he realised her real intentions for the night.
She was just coming back through to the snug when Audrey looked up from her knitting basket and lifting it from her lap asked, ‘Fancy a brew, love?’
She answered in the affirmative and said she’d give her a hand making it, following the way to the kitchen. As they crossed the threshold and Audrey made herself busy filling the kettle and placing it on the AGA, Helen was thinking of how she could start the ball rolling on the conversation she so desperately wanted to have whilst she sourced them tea cups and saucers from the cupboards. She was saved from having to think too much about it though when she turned back to the table to place the items on a tray and, unbeknownst to the housekeeper who was clearly lost in thought herself, watched the woman reverently fold her employer’s favourite mustard yellow cardigan which for some reason or another he had left lying on the back of the dining chair, with a soft, lingering smile on her face.
Rather than stop and stare and wait for Audrey to realise she’d been rumbled, Helen quietly carried on with her original task and when she had finally had enough of the silence, put forth her simple question without any preamble and in a tone that would have suggested she was only asking for the time.
‘How long do you think it is, that you’ve been in love with Siegfried?’
Audrey was so lost in her thoughts that at first, she didn’t register that it was Helen who had asked and the soft smile widened into a nervous grin before she started to open her mouth to answer but, finally meeting Helen’s eyes, she immediately shut it again and this caused the younger woman to give a pleased grin of her own as she watched Audrey’s facial expression move into one mirroring a deer caught in headlights. She wouldn’t let her run.
‘Ah, you were about to admit it! Go on then, how long have you been in love with the man?’ Helen’s posture had morphed into one of conceited pride and knowing: arms crossed over her chest and one dark eyebrow arched high in defiance. If for a moment her target thought she could squirm her way out of this interrogation she soon gave up, and Helen saw the moment she did as she watched Jimmy’s godmother carefully place the beloved cardigan down on the table and look back up at her, biting at her lower lip. It was a habit Helen did not know Audrey possessed and this told her that, as ruthless as it may sound, she’d caught her prey in a moment of complete and pure vulnerability.
Feeling a little bad that she’d backed her friend into a corner, Helen pulled out a chair at the table, and gesturing for the other woman to sit, went about taking the now boiled kettle from the AGA and pouring their tea for them. A brief moment of silence elapsed as the two finished preparing their teas before, finally, Helen decided to take pity on Audrey and gently took both of her hands in hers resting them between them on the table.
‘You don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to but that smile you just had on your face suggests there is at least a small part of you that would like to admit it to someone that’s not just yourself?’
‘The thing is Helen, I don’t know how long its been. I think I were already here long before I knew I were.’
Helen tried not to smile too broadly as she watched Audrey absentmindedly begin to stroke the end of one of the folded sleeves on Siegfried’s cardigan, which she was staring hole through in order to avoid the all-seeing gaze of the wise young mother across the table, but Helen’s cheshire cat grin faltered a little at the fact that Audrey was still nibbling at her lower lip. Clearly she was anxious about more than just her feelings being found out. Surely she didn’t think Helen would say owt to anyone? and she asked her so.
‘I just didn’t think it were that obvious, or that I was better at hiding it than I actually am. Do they all know do you reckon?’ The anxiety was now clearly written across the good woman’s face and Helen felt desperate to reassure her that her dearest secret was not in fact plainly obvious to anybody who wasn’t looking for it.
Because the truth was, they didn’t. Before the first lengthy conversation she had had with James on the subject of his employer and the loyal housekeeper, she didn’t think her husband had ever given the subject of the two people’s relationship much thought. Helen might have questioned whether Tristan, who had lived with both parties longer than anybody and watched their relationship develop firsthand and so closely in that time, might have suspected their were romantic feelings on one or both sides but she was also sure that because nothing had ever come of it yet, he had likely put the thought to the back of his mind and instead allowed himself to be much more entertained by thoughts of his own romantic pursuits. As for Carmody, the lad barely remembered to notice the existence of such definite things as doors because his nose was so far buried in his books, the thought that he might have noticed any subtle signs of love in either of his caretaker’s was one that did not seem at all likely. Whether Siegfried himself knew was obviously a bigger question, and likely who Audrey had actually meant when she’d asked, Helen honestly didn’t know but she thought it unlikely because her dear friend was generally really adept at hiding what she felt when she wanted to.
Helen shook her head and, in a show of understanding Audrey’s fears, squeezed the steady, strong hands which she still held in her own.
‘No, they’re men remember, they don’t often think of owt that isn’t their next meal or where they last saw their slippers,’ Helen joked and rolled her eyes in faux exasperation, glad to see a relaxed smile return to Audrey’s face and to hear a soft chuckle come with it whilst she admitted the truth of the statement.
‘I can understand that you don’t want everyone knowin’ your business but do you not want *him* to know either?’
‘It would only complicate things,’ Audrey sighed, and a sad frown creased her brow.
Helen wondered how someone, who only minutes ago had clearly been so happy to think about her secret love, could look so despondent at the idea of telling that person the truth. Obstacles aside, when she had realised her feelings for James she’d practically buzzed with excitement for days on end.
‘Do you not think Siegfried feels the same?’
‘I know he cares for me in some kind of way, we’ve seen each other through all sorts of highs and lows, I don’t know how we could do else but I’m not daft enough to flatter myself he thinks of me as any more than his good friend. There are moments when we sit together of an evening where I’ve sometimes thought that he could… but no it’s not possible,’ Audrey was staring ruefully into her cooling teacup, her hands having long gone slack in Helen’s but she didn’t take them back and Helen refused to let go of them now, clutching them once more as she tried to fight her indignation at hearing Audrey’s self-deprecating thoughts. She had to make a conscious effort not to loudly tell her to ‘Give over,’ and instead put together an argument that would hopefully convince the Skeldale matriarch that she meant a great deal more to Siegfried Farnon than she gave herself credit for.
‘Aud, I don’t think you realise just how much you’ve done for that man and this place since you’ve been here, and I don’t just mean all the cooking and cleaning and darning and looking after his dogs and finding his keys and whatever else you’d think was a normal housekeeper’s duties. Because even some of that’s above and beyond and I know you know that well enough. But you’ve also helped build this veterinary practice into what it is. Folk trust you as much as they trust Siegfried to help their animals. Everyone in Darrowby knows that Siegfried hasn’t always had a good way with people, that were all you. They would come through that door with whatever problem and know he’d do his best by their animals and livelihoods, and you’d care for them in the meantime and that’s why they’ll always come back. Then there’s Tristan. God knows that you had just as much a hand in raising that lad to be the kind, caring and happy young man he is now. Anyone could see how it hard it were for Siegfried after Evelyn died and trying to keep going for Tris’ in the midst of it all, and we were all witness to how harsh he could be on the lad at times. If it hadn’t been for you coming along when you did, mediating so well as you did, those two might not have got to the place they are now. That trust you’ve built between you and Siegfried is why James survived past his first day and I would have ended up married to Hugh and not half as happy as I am if he hadn’t. You’ve made something special here Audrey. You could have just cooked and cleaned and kept Siegfried Farnon’s world in order but you took the time to build a family with him, first out of the three of you, and then adding to it with James and me, and now Carmody. You’re the glue that holds this place together and he might be right blind at times but I know that Siegfried sees exactly what you’ve done for him. And before you say that you’ve done all of that because it’s just your way, *that* is the reason why he loves you, I’m sure of it.’
Diatribe finished Helen let the words hang in the air around them for a minute as she waited for the question she knew would come.
‘But how do you know? I’ve spent the last ten years with that man nearly all day, everyday, learning his every mood and habit and I can’t convince myself of his feeling one way or the other. He told me years ago that ‘there should be a line between employer and employee’ and I’ve always respected it, but then I catch him looking at me sometimes and I want to shake him for making me feel like the world’s shifting under me.’
‘I know because for every one of them looks you catch him giving you, there’s an hundred more you don’t. How many times have you stood in this kitchen, or wherever else, with that secret smile on your face from earlier before I caught you tonight? More times than you know, I reckon. It’ll be the same for him. In fact, tonight when he asked if you were going to the Drovers with them and you said no because you wanted make a start on that motherlode of knitting, you didn’t see it but his face dropped briefly, before he got that soft, proud look on him that only three people I know ever inspire in him: You, Jimmy and Tristan. He worships the very ground you walk on, Aud, but he’s too much of a man to admit it, the fool.’
‘He probably wouldn’t want to admit it to anyone anyway.’ Audrey spoke the words so softly that Helen didn’t think she could possibly have heard her properly.
‘Eh? Why ever not?’
‘Him, a gentleman and a vet, in love with his divorced housekeeper? The folk he meets at them balls and in the Renniston would have a thing or two to say if they heard that,’ the slightly bitter and biting tone that laced through Audrey’s voice as she spoke the words told Helen that this was likely the real cause of her earlier anxiety.
‘What’s it to do with them? If you’re implying that you’re not good enough for him, then so help me Audrey Hall, I’ll march you over to that pub myself and make the two of you have it out now!’ Helen didn’t mean it of course, she’d never put either of them in such a public and uncomfortable position (it wouldn’t be conducive to how she wanted this Operation to go, either) but she absolutely would not hear her closest friend speak about herself in such a way, even in vague terms. What’s more, she knew Siegfried wouldn’t let it stand either.
‘You’re dead wrong if you think Siegfried would let you even get out half of those words in front of him. The man toasted you to the entire village last Christmas, waxing lyrical over what you do for this community whilst you were over here looking after me, ensuring the newest member of our family made their way into the world safely. I can’t remember the exact word he used now. Somebody were telling me about a month after, when I were in the post office, said I were very lucky to have had you with me - that the whole village were lucky to have you and that Siegfried were right to remind them.’ Helen had noticed a far away look come over Audrey’s face as she recounted her interaction with one of the local women but she was more intrigued by the small, bemused smile that Audrey now wore as she finished.
‘Remarkable.’
‘Oh, well yeah, I think that were the word actually. How did you know that?’
‘Mr Carmody… he’d had a few too many when they came in that evening. I thought her were running on a load of nonsense at the time, calling me ‘remarkable’, saying ‘Mr Farnon were right’ and we sent him on his way to bed pretty quick, so I didn’t think nothing of it. Never thought to ask whether Mr Farnon had actually said it… Did he really make a toast to me in front of the whole village? Silly beggar, what did he mean by that?’ Helen noticed with much satisfaction that, as Audrey thought of the vet speaking about her so earnestly and so publicly, the now not-so-secret smile from earlier had returned to take up residence on her lovely face.
‘Well it was definitely called for, if you ask me, but aside from that, it sounds like he were admitting something to himself,’ Helen shrugged as she said it because the truth was nobody knew why Siegfried had done so, apart from himself, but she highly suspected that moment in the Drovers so many months ago had been a turning point for him. She hoped tonight could prove the same for Audrey.
‘But none of this changes anything, he can feel however he likes and I can sit here pining after him for hours on end - not that I intend to, mind you - but if he won’t tell me for sure then I won’t be embarrassing myself by hoping he will, or doing it instead.’ Audrey returned to her usual determined self with these words, crossing her arms over chest stubbornly and levelling Helen with a look that said she had had enough of being vulnerable for one night.
Helen was fine with this though, she’d got what she wanted after all. She didn’t make any kind of retort, only nodded and started to clear the tea things away. Audrey joined in and the two women were largely silent for the rest of the night, both absorbed in their own thoughts as they went back through to the snug to take up their previously intended pursuits. Eventually they went back to nattering away about all sorts, as was their usual way when together but in the comfortable silences in between, Helen mulled over the conversation they’d had and wondered how, when James had eventually had his own conversation with Siegfried, the two would be able to manoeuvre their friends together. At this rate, it didn’t appear either one was going to make the first move towards furthering their relationship.
She was pleasantly surprised then when, coming through the door a few hours later, James gave her a conspiratorial wink that she knew could only mean one thing: he’d spoken to Siegfried, step one was complete. She just needed to find out the other side of the story…