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Dazai watches as Chuuya decimates the battlefield with Corruption. He looks on with wonder, as he tends to do when faced with lots of death. He’s so busy watching the scene in front of him that he doesn’t notice the man coming up behind him. The man slams a gun into the back of Dazai’s head.
Dazai hits the ground, his vision blurring in and out. He’s not sure how long he’s out, but when he can fully lift his head again, the man is dead. He’s nothing more than guts and a stray leg. Dazai tries to pull himself to his feet even as his vision is spinning. Chuuya is still destroying things a few yards away. How far away Chuuya is from Dazai is probably the only reason Dazai’s didn’t die from getting impaled or crushed.
He rushes forward, then grabs Chuuya’s wrist. They both fall forward in a pile of blood and tangled limbs. Dazai’s vision keeps spinning, and Chuuya’s face is distorted even as he throws up blood. Dazai forces himself up, and twists Chuuya onto his side. Chuuya’s hazy eyes open, and stare up at Dazai’s face.
“Hey.”
Chuuya throws up more blood, and the puddle underneath them is quickly growing.
“Tell me what you can feel,” Dazai says, his eyes tracing any bare skin that he can see for signs of broken bones, or visible wounds.
“I can’t breathe,” Chuuya gasps, shaking now.
“Shit, ok. Just try to breathe as deeply as you can, and try not to panic. If your lungs are punctured then we’re in trouble.”
“Do I have to?” Chuuya whispers.
Dazai stops completely for a second.
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t keep doing this. I don’t want to,” Chuuya gasps out.
“What?”
“I don’t want to use Corruption again. I don’t want to live like this. It’s too much, all of it. Do I have to hang on?” Chuuya asks, his voice getting weaker and whispier by the second.
“You’re not supposed to die. My job in this partnership is to stop you.”
“But you didn’t. I can’t stay awake. It hurts too much.”
Does he mean his injuries, or is he talking about Corruption?
Chuuya’s eyes flutter, and Dazai feels lightheaded for a few seconds.
“Ok, Chuuya. You can go to sleep. It’s ok, I’ll deal with everything. You can let go of everything. I know I failed you, and I’ll take responsibility for everything with Mori.”
“Can you tell Kouyou thank you?”
Dazai pauses before answering.
“Yes, I can.”
Chuuya nods slightly, letting his eyes fall closed. Dazai stays awake for a while, watching Chuuya’s chest. It continues to stutter through breaths, and he’s just waiting for it to stop altogether. He passes out before that happens though.
Chuuya leans against his countertop, watching Dazai rummage through his pantry for something to eat.
“You looking for anything in particular?”
“Yes, I told you that I wished I had a pudding yesterday. So, I’m looking for a pudding.”
“They’re in the fridge. I wasn’t sure what kind you eat, but I eat chocolate, so I got chocolate and caramel ones.”
Dazai’s face lights up, and he races to the fridge.
“I prefer my pudding cold, but I didn’t figure they would be in the fridge.”
“I like my pudding cold too. Who doesn’t?” Chuuya asks with a small laugh.
“Mori.”
“Ew, but that somehow tracks. He’s gross.”
Dazai nods, grabbing a pudding out of the fridge.
“Mmm, pudding.”
Chuuya laughs.
“You know, you’re so easy to please sometimes, but sometimes you’re a persnickety little bitch.”
Dazai gasps offendedly.
“How dare you, Chuuya.”
Chuuya rolls his eyes, turning back to the counter.
“You’re the only person who’s ever taken any amount of care of me.”
Chuuya looks up.
“Well that’s sad. Though I guess I’m not any better. I’m more used to taking care of people than being taken care of.”
“Well we can just take care of each other. It’s going to be the bare minimum, because that’s all I know how to do, and I don’t care to learn. It’s better than nothing though, right?”
“Yeah, just don’t make it weird.”
Dazai laughs.
“I never do that.”
Chuuya hums, walking over. He grabs a pudding out of the fridge, and walks over to Dazai. They’re quiet for a few minutes before Chuuya turns around to look at Dazai.
“If you said you would be there, even if just for the bare minimum, why weren’t you? Our missions never go this wrong. We’re Soukou, and yet we got ourselves in this mess?”
“What are you talking about?” Dazai asks, trying to push the memories flooding through his mind away.
However, when he looks up at Chuuya, he’s covered in blood. It’s all over his hands, arms, and face. It’s leaking out of the corner of his mouth, and dripping down his chin. Dazai’s breath catches in his throat, and he finds himself just staring at Chuuya. He’s completely unsure of what to say, or how to fix things.
Some things aren’t fixable, his mind whispers unhelpfully.
“Chuuya,” Dazai whispers, reaching out to touch his face.
Chuuya doesn’t move, doesn’t pull away, but just stares blankly at Dazai.
“Are you gonna say anything?”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m dead, and it’s your fault.”
“I know, and I didn’t mean to. I just-”
“You were being careless. You were careless with my life, because you’re so used to me taking all of the risks. You think you can get away with anything, don’t you, Dazai?”
Dazai wakes up with tears falling down his face. He’s in an observation room, and Oda is sitting a few feet away. Oda looks up at him with an empathetic smile. Dazai starts crying again, and neither of them speak for a minute. Then Dazai is barely able to gasp out Chuuya’s name. Oda moves to sit on the edge of Dazai’s bed. He pulls Dazai against him, letting Dazai press his face into Oda’s shoulder.
“It’s not your fault.”
Dazai starts crying harder at that. The image of Chuuya standing in his kitchen, covered in blood with a broken promise on his lips is seared into Dazai’s brain. Oda just holds Dazai as he cries for longer than he’s ever cried before. Eventually he runs out of tears to cry, and he’s left just sniffling in Oda’s arms. He feels hollowed out, and like he’s never going to have energy again. Chuuya doesn’t go away either. Anytime Dazai closes his eyes he sees gray eyes and bright red hair.