Work Text:
PARIS, FRANCE
colin me maybe: https://www.instagram.com/p/BNQdko_slHfnw/
colin me maybe: Obligatory Eiffel Tower photo as requested by Hy
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: so beautiful, col.
hy me to the moon: JEALOUS!!!!
hy me to the moon: did u get me a present yet 🥰
greg(an) thee stallion: dont forget mine
colin me maybe: I just got in an hour ago you heathens ffs
ant stop won’t stop: No swearing in front of the children.
hy me to the moon: i’m 17!!!!
greg(an) thee stallion: im literally in uni
since u ben gone: let’s just all be impressed he even knew what ffs stands for
ant stop won’t stop: I’m far more cultured than you all give me credit for.
greg(an) thee stallion: let me guess: edwina is visiting u & kate & u asked her
ant stop won’t stop: No comment.
hy me to the moon: busted
since u ben gone: ANYWAY
since u ben gone: where’s penelope, colin?
colin me maybe: At her flat probably?
since u ben gone: i’m just saying, the city of love…
under my umbr(el)la: ew gross
colin me maybe: Piss off
ant stop won’t stop: Language!
hy me to the moon: i’m still 17!!!!
NICE, FRANCE
colin me maybe: https://www.instagram.com/p/e0oiqYbrxkp2J/
colin me maybe: Greetings from Nice! Check out these pastries
love the way you daph: Looks delicious! How is Nice treating you? Simon and I need holiday recs!
colin me maybe: You two would love it, Daph
love the way you daph: 💖
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: care to bring along your favourite sister when you go?
under my umbr(el)la: HEY
hy me to the moon: YEAH HEY!!!
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: 😇
since u ben gone: she’s literally everyone’s favourite this isn’t news
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: love you too, benny. 🥰
since u ben gone: 💕
love the way you daph: I’d bring you all if I could convince Simon to rent a chateau that could fit all of us!
greg(an) thee stallion: good thing he got dem stacks 💷💰
hy me to the moon: u can forget to invite greggy daph it’s ok we’d all understand
under my umbr(el)la: lol
greg(an) thee stallion: hy! the betrayal!
greg(an) thee stallion: shocked pikachu.jpg
ant stop won’t stop: Children, play nice.
ant stop won’t stop: Kate requests you bring her back some of these pastries, Colin.
colin me maybe: As much as I love her and would trade you for her without a second thought I’m not sure they’d make the trip
hy me to the moon: that means he’d eat them before he even got back to london
under my umbr(el)la: facts
since u ben gone: you know…
colin me maybe: Whatever you’re about to say
colin me maybe: Don’t
since u ben gone: i bet penelope would also think those pastries were quite NICE
since u ben gone: shame she’s not there
colin me maybe: I hate you
since u ben gone: that’s not very NICE of you
colin me maybe: Brb googling whether or not you can divorce your siblings
since u ben gone: i’m fine with that, as long as you don’t divorce penelope, she’d make a lovely sister-in-law
under my umbr(el)la: what the fuck is happening
hy me to the moon: LANGUAGE
hy me to the moon: ha beat u to it ant
ant stop won’t stop: Very funny, Hy.
ant stop won’t stop: But she’s right, El. We have group chat rules for a reason.
under my umbr(el)la: 🖕🏻
greg(an) thee stallion: 😹
PAPHOS, CYPRUS
colin me maybe: https://www.instagram.com/p/fn6jlXr-3sziGVw/
colin me maybe: Sun’s out, guns out
under my umbr(el)la: ew
hy me to the moon: at least he didn’t say sun’s out buns out
hy me to the moon: i never would’ve recovered from that one
under my umbr(el)la: double ew
hy me to the moon: wait CYPRUS??
hy me to the moon: like the birthplace of aphrodite cyprus
colin me maybe: Yes?
hy me to the moon: quick where’s benedict to make a comment about penelope being a goddess and freaking col out
since u ben gone: you rang?
colin me maybe: Hyacinth what did I ever do to you to deserve this
hy me to the moon: revenge for every time u stole the last biscuit from me at mum’s
colin me maybe: You can’t prove anything
since u ben gone: now i can’t call penelope a goddess because hy beat me to it 😔
colin me maybe: Does this mean I’m safe?
since u ben gone: never 😈
greg(an) thee stallion: pen do be lookin 🔥 lately
under my umbr(el)la: wtf greg
hy me to the moon: wtf greg
colin me maybe: WTF Greg
greg(an) thee stallion: what i cant let hy & ben have all the fun
greg(an) thee stallion: besides tell me im lying u wont
ant stop won’t stop: Do I need to add “No inappropriate comments about beloved family friends” to the rules?
colin me maybe: Please do
colin me maybe: While you’re at it can you kick Ben out?
ant stop won’t stop: No.
colin me maybe: Worth a shot
since u ben gone: love you too 💕
SANTORINI, GREECE
colin me maybe: https://www.instagram.com/p/DLNje9pctso/
colin me maybe: Mamma Mia, here I go again
love the way you daph: That view! 😍
hy me to the moon: icb u picked the rainiest day we’ve had all month to post a sunny island beach pic
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: @hy me to the moon seriously!
since u ben gone: they’re right, not very well done of you
since u ben gone: also penelope liked the photo 👀
under my umbr(el)la: ofc she did she always likes his posts
since u ben gone: 👀
under my umbr(el)la: just like she likes all of yours
since u ben gone: well, that’s because penelope is a darling
since u ben gone: you and her have always wanted to be sisters, haven’t you?
since u ben gone: @colin me maybe could make that happen, right brother? 😉
under my umbr(el)la: i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again
under my umbr(el)la: ew
colin me maybe: Fucking hell Benedict
since u ben gone: well ant and i can’t do it, someone needs to make her an official bridgerton
greg(an) thee stallion: what am i chopped liver
under my umbr(el)la: you bloody well leave her alone you scoundrel
hy me to the moon: @under my umbr(el)la is she bi? i can marry her after uni
greg(an) thee stallion: icb ur trying to swipe my potential wife from me
hy me to the moon: even if she’s str8 she’d marry me before u
colin me maybe: Good God no one is marrying Penelope
since u ben gone: not with that attitude!
hy me to the moon: and y not? she’s a lovely girl
hy me to the moon: i would be lucky to call her my wife
hy me to the moon: unless col has another reason for not wanting any of us to marry penelope…..
greg(an) thee stallion: the gentleman doth protest too much…..
colin me maybe: I can’t believe all I did was post a picture of the bloody ocean and you lot have descended into this
ant stop won’t stop: Kate wants me to tell you all that she agrees with Benedict, Penelope would be a wonderful sister.
colin me maybe: Oh my God I hate you all
hy me to the moon: if col won’t marry her we could always replace him with her
hy me to the moon: problem solved
greg(an) thee stallion: colin featherington? id pay good money to see that
greg(an) thee stallion: @ant stop won’t stop venmo me some 💰
ant stop won’t stop: No.
colin me maybe: I’m leaving
since u ben gone: WAIT DON’T GO SHE JUST COMMENTED ON THE PHOTO
colin me maybe: She did?
colin me maybe: No she didn’t
since u ben gone: but i got you to look, didn’t i? 😏
greg(an) thee stallion: GOT EM
colin me maybe: Goodbye you arseholes
hy me to the moon: LANGUAGE
PALERMO, ITALY
colin me maybe: https://www.instagram.com/p/FQMeu7_cuaf0wJm/
colin me maybe: P is for Pizza, Pasta and Palermo
love the way you daph: Ciao! Looks like Heaven, Col! 💖
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: making me hungry over here! anybody else want to do dinner tonight?
love the way you daph: Let me see if Simon will watch the kids for a few hours and I’ll get back to you!
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: think he’ll do it? we haven’t had a night in ages!
love the way you daph: I have my ways. 😉
hy me to the moon: in the wise words of eloise
hy me to the moon: ew
greg(an) thee stallion: 👆🏻
since u ben gone: looks perfetto, brother
since u ben gone: but you know what else starts with p?
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: oh no.
greg(an) thee stallion: aw shit here we go again.gif
under my umbr(el)la: jesus when will it end
hy me to the moon: in 3, 2, 1…
since u ben gone: penelope 🥰
colin me maybe: There are no words in the English or Italian languages to adequately describe how annoying you are
hy me to the moon: pretending he’s fluent in italian after ordering one plate of pomodoro
greg(an) thee stallion: minecraft oof
colin me maybe: It was spaghetti alla puttanesca actually
hy me to the moon: that’s what they want you to think
ant stop won’t stop: Kate requests you bring her back some of that pizza.
colin me maybe: You know I’m not a delivery service right?
ant stop won’t stop: This is what I keep telling her.
ant stop won’t stop: Hold on.
ant stop won’t stop: She says “If you really loved me you’d find a way!”
hy me to the moon: did she just mum guilt him?
greg(an) thee stallion: lol
under my umbr(el)la: can’t wait to see him try to weasel his way out of this
since u ben gone: 🪑🍿
colin me maybe: Tell her I can bring her to the best Italian spot in all of London when I get back
colin me maybe: I’ll pay for whatever she orders
colin me maybe: Acceptable offer?
greg(an) thee stallion: paying for her meal? sounds like a date
greg(an) thee stallion: @ant stop won’t stop he out here tryna steal ur wife
hy me to the moon: r u trying to get colin killed
greg(an) thee stallion: will neither confirm nor deny
ant stop won’t stop: Don’t make me reduce your pocket money this month.
greg(an) thee stallion: 😨
greg(an) thee stallion: you wouldnt
ant stop won’t stop: Try me.
ant stop won’t stop: Anyway, Kate finds those terms acceptable.
colin me maybe: Deal
since u ben gone: daph and fran, you doing dinner? sophie wants in
love the way you daph: My darling husband agreed that I deserve a girls night. Isn’t he so sweet? 😍
love the way you daph: Tell Sophie she’s always welcome to join us!
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: yay!
since u ben gone: what about penelope? she came over for tea with soph and she looks like she wants to join but is being too polite to ask
love the way you daph: Of course she can!
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: penelope is also always welcome! 💖
colin me maybe: Pen’s with you and Sophie?
since u ben gone: jealous? 😏
colin me maybe: My God can’t you be normal for once in your life
hy me to the moon: in this family? sounds fake
greg(an) thee stallion: 😹
colin me maybe: Well at least that explains why she didn’t answer my texts
greg(an) thee stallion: sexy texts? 👀
under my umbr(el)la: oh god someone please wipe that text out of my memory
under my umbr(el)la: i’m actually going to be ill
ant stop won’t stop: Gregory!
greg(an) thee stallion: dont even try and pretend that half of u werent thinking it
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: of course not, we respect penelope too much.
hy me to the moon: colin on the other hand…
colin me maybe: Wow rude
since u ben gone: told penelope she was invited and she got so excited 😭
love the way you daph: 💖💖💖
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: 💖💖💖
hy me to the moon: wait was penelope already at urs when you were teasing col about her earlier?
since u ben gone: yes
under my umbr(el)la: you’re incorrigible
since u ben gone: thank you 💕
colin me maybe: I can’t believe we’re actually related
BUDAPEST, HUNGARY
colin me maybe: https://www.instagram.com/p/DIB-kiieU-EB/
colin me maybe: Your palace or mine?
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: wow!
love the way you daph: Just as I was thinking my window had a pretty view!
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: haha, right?
love the way you daph: How old is this castle, Col? Looks breathtaking!
colin me maybe: Original architecture dates back to the 1200s
hy me to the moon: cool castle but cringe quote
colin me maybe: I’m so glad I can always count on you to be honest with me Hy
hy me to the moon: it’s what i’m here for 😙
since u ben gone: and you know what i'm here for...
under my umbr(el)la: oh god not again
love the way you daph: Interested to see how he spins this one!
hy me to the moon: but does ben know enough about budapest to make it interesting 🤔
since u ben gone: you know if i wasn't going to mention penelope this would be awkward for all of you
hy me to the moon: ...
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: ...
under my umbr(el)la: ...
since u ben gone: but i do think penelope would love budapest 😉
colin me maybe: You know what for once I agree with you
hy me to the moon: GASP
greg(an) thee stallion: what a plot twist
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: truly did not see that coming.
since u ben gone: wait really?
hy me to the moon: who are u and what have u done with our brother????
colin me maybe: I was walking around today and quite literally stumbled upon this bookshop out of nowhere
colin me maybe: It was like a wondrous menagerie of literature and I know she would’ve loved it
colin me maybe: Don’t tell her but I managed to pick up a few English titles to bring home for her
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: oh. 🥺
love the way you daph: Aw, Colin! 💖
since u ben gone: am i crying? i might be shedding a tear
under my umbr(el)la: well i suppose you’re not a complete muppet then
love the way you daph: What she means is “That’s so nice of you, Colin! Penelope will be touched!”
under my umbr(el)la: sure whatever
colin me maybe: No one tell her alright
colin me maybe: I want to surprise her
greg(an) thee stallion: scouts honour
hy me to the moon: ur not a scout
greg(an) thee stallion: and im pretty dishonourable
hy me to the moon: 🙄
love the way you daph: We’ll be good, Colin! Promise.
hy me to the moon: yeah everybody 🤫
colin me maybe: Despite the fact that you lot have literally never been able to keep a secret even once I find myself wanting to believe you anyway
colin me maybe: Perhaps I’m getting soft with age
hy me to the moon: well u are ancient
colin me maybe: Thanks Hy
since u ben gone: if he’s ancient what does that make ant and i?
hy me to the moon: jurassic obv
since u ben gone: i regret asking
hy me to the moon: 😚
BARCELONA, SPAIN
colin me maybe: https://www.instagram.com/p/Em7viCB_rhl1oPF/
colin me maybe: Barcelona with my girlfriend
hy me to the moon: WTF IS THAT PENELOPE????!!!!???
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: OMG THEY’RE KISSING!!!
love the way you daph: AHHHHH
hy me to the moon: @since u ben gone QUICK GET THE FUCK IN HERE
hy me to the moon: AND NO YELLING AT ME FOR LANGUAGE ANT THIS IS SRS!!!!
greg(an) thee stallion: lol finally
greg(an) thee stallion: guess this means i cant call her hot anymore
hy me to the moon: that has nothing to do with colin dating pen and everything to do with u being a weirdo
greg(an) thee stallion: so colin can literally post pda pics to ig but i cant even use 🔥
hy me to the moon: yes
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: yes.
love the way you daph: Yes.
love the way you daph: @under my umbr(el)la Did you know about this?
under my umbr(el)la: ugh yes
under my umbr(el)la: you’re so lucky i’ve known about this for a week or else you’d be dead to me colin
hy me to the moon: YOU’VE KNOWN FOR A WEEK?
hy me to the moon: AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME!!!!
colin me maybe: It’s not luck, Pen and I literally were Facetiming with you about this last night
ant stop won’t stop: So you finally got your head out of your arse?
ant stop won’t stop: Looks like I owe Kate £50.
hy me to the moon: OMG ANTHONY SWORE IN THE GC!!!!
ant stop won’t stop: Be good to her or I will have to kick you out, Colin.
colin me maybe: But you wouldn’t kick Ben??
ant stop won’t stop: Benedict has only ever been good to Penelope.
colin me maybe: I’m good to Penelope!!!
hy me to the moon: it literally took u 10 yrs to ask her out
colin me maybe: …
wreck my plans, that’s my fran: plus there was that awkward thing at that uni party.
colin me maybe: …
love the way you daph: Didn’t you try and be her wingman like two years ago?
colin me maybe: …
colin me maybe: Why am I sitting here letting my siblings roast me when I could be spending time with my beautiful girlfriend?
greg(an) thee stallion: beats me
colin me maybe: I swear to God if you say anything inappropriate about Pen I’m never letting you in the same room with her again
greg(an) thee stallion: noted
greg(an) thee stallion: 🔥
colin me maybe: GREGORY I SWEAR
since u ben gone: sorry i was with soph, what’s going on?
since u ben gone: OMG WHAT
since u ben gone: YOU’RE FINALLY DATING
since u ben gone: AND I WAS THE LAST TO KNOW
since u ben gone: WHAT THE HELL