Archive of Our Own

“Okay, this is officially insane. They need me to sign off on a formal background check? In case he’s, what, a criminal? He’s 13 years old!” Eddie groans, dropping his head on the table. “I can't do this anymore, Hen. Does my son really need an education? He's smart enough as is, right?”

Hen just sighs. “Why did I let Karen talk me into this place? Why did you let me talk you into this place?”

“Because,” Buck says, walking into the room, “both Denny and Chris have gotten a scholarship to this super fancy private middle school that you can't miss out on since you want the best for them?”

Eddie lifts his head off the table with an eagerness he didn't realize he still possessed. A little bit because he’s always excited to see Buck, but mostly because of the heavenly scent of coffee in the air.

“Did you get—Is that— is that fucking Blue Bottle?” Eddie stares in awe at Buck, who is holding a coffee carrier in each hand. “Oh my god. Do you want my first born child? Because I will trade you for my first born child.” 

Buck snorts. “Christopher is your first born child.” 

“And he comes with a stupid amount of paperwork to do.” Besides, I already kind of gave him to you, Eddie doesn’t say. The whole will situation was… Eddie maybe finds it difficult to admit to, mostly because it feels like confessing to a whole lot more. The only people who know are his lawyer and Buck, and the latter took a whole year to get around to. 

“I feel like I should let you know that nipping out while on shift for no reason is considered dereliction of duty,” Hen says, then squints at the tray in Buck’s hand. “However, I do think I see an oat milk chai latte there, so maybe I’m mistaken.”

“Gee, Hen, glad to know where your ethics lie. No, I had it doordashed, geniuses. I did consider dragging the probie along on a grocery run so I could pop by the cafe myself, but.” 

“You take approximately 3 business days each grocery trip and wanted to make sure you were back before we died from caffeine withdrawal?” Eddie suggests. Buck tended to read the nutrition labels and compare prices based on quantity, and he’s indecisive to boot. He’s not allowed to go grocery shopping without supervision, and Ravi hero worships him a tad too much to be of any use on that front. 

Buck scrunches his face at Eddie. “Wow. And here I was thinking, ‘ man, it sure is cool that they’ve brought the black cardamom latte back… if I had a best friend I sure would buy him a black cardamom latte… ’. Thank god I don’t, huh?” 

“Buck.” Eddie’s sure he looks all kinds of desperate, if the way Buck laughs is any indication. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m the best. I would set these down for the two of you, but…” Buck looks at the kitchen table, its surface barely visible under the array of documentation that Hen and Eddie have spread out. 

“Uh. I could balance it on my laptop keyboard?” Eddie suggests. 

“Absolutely not. Wait, Hen, stop that, hands off! Go away!” Buck balances the tray on one hand, high above his head. It’s kind of… hot. God, Chris was right, he is lame and gay.

“You two need a break, seriously, you’ve been at it for ages!” Buck chides. “I’m holding your coffees hostage until you both step away from the table and do literally anything else.” 

The alarm rings. Hen and Eddie instinctively leap out of their seats and Buck sighs, following as they head to the apparatus bay. “Like that, I suppose. Grab your coffees and go, tell Bobby I'm man behind.” 

Eddie stops. “Wait, why?” 

“Because… someone needs to stay?” Buck puts a hand to his back and guides him towards their gear. 

Eddie blinks.

“Eddie." Buck sets the coffee tray down on a bench. "Hen and you have spread, like, every single piece of valuable documentation pertaining to your children up there. Like, all of it. I saw Chris’ birth certificate there, man.” 

“Um, excuse me,” Hen protests as she grabs her helmet.  “You think I take that shit out of the house? You think Karen would let me? Those are all photocopies.” 

Eddie gulps. He… may have. Overseen that part. Buck looks at him and shakes his head as he shrugs on his turnout coat. He turns to Hen. “Henrietta, my love, I’d like to remind you of this little thing called identity theft. There’s important information on those- wait, why am I changing?” Buck wrestles the coat back off. “I’m getting allergies just thinking of those documents just… sitting there. Waiting for someone to spill leftover soup on them.” Before Eddie can protest that it’s really his responsibility, so he should be man behind, Buck’s back out of his turnout gear and jogging back to the loft. “Stay safe! Don’t do anything I wouldn't do!” 

Eddie spends the whole ride to the call wondering what he’d done to deserve Buck Buckley. Judging by the knowing looks Hen’s shooting him, he guesses he isn’t being subtle about it. 

The call is a long and boring one. A tree branch took down power lines in a residential area — no fires, no injuries, but they do have to stick around and secure the area while they wait for the utility crews to get in and fix things up again. It’s mostly busywork and negotiation. Yes, ma’am, I understand that you’d like to get in your house to get ready for your party, but your entrance is blocked by live and sparking power lines. No ma’am, it does not actually matter that you were a long jump champion in high school, we can’t just trust you’ll clear the lines safely. 

By the end of the call, he’s nearly forgotten all about the nightmares of private school red tape. Even if the call wasn't a fun one, just being able to step away has done wonders.

Eddie’s thinking of ways to make it up to Buck — did that movie he was going on about release yet? There’s a new exhibit at the Griffith Observatory, isn’t there? — when he’s forced to stop in his tracks at the sight that awaits him at the station loft.

Gone is the scattered mess Hen and he had left behind. Everything is neatly arranged in piles — one set of documents under Hen’s laptop, and several small paperclipped sets at the other end of the table where Buck is seated with Eddie’s laptop. He has a clipboard in his hands. 

“Oh hey, you’re back! How was the call?” Buck says with a grin. Like he hasn’t just… shaken anything Eddie might have that resembles a brain out, and stolen his heart while he was at it. Except the heart jumped ship straight into Buck’s arms long before Eddie realized. Is he making sense anymore? He doesn’t think he is. 

“Did you clean up?” Hen asks incredulously. 

“Yeah! Hen, your stuff’s all there, kind of in the order you’d need to consult when filling in the online registration. Eddie, come here.” 

Wordlessly, Eddie goes there.

“Okay so this,” Buck taps at his clipboard with his pen, “is all the information the school needs. We’re going to go through it all in a minute. This pile is original documents that you’ll need to show them for verification in person, we should be able to just use the online registration portal for the rest. This is all, like, proof of residency and stuff, and this is Chris’ IEP plans which I think might need to go through re-evaluation before you submit? And then this is… Eddie, are you paying attention?”

Now, Eddie had just about come to the realization that he was gay. He wasn’t quite at the point where he could say the words to anyone but Chris and Frank, but he was getting there. Working through it. If he hadn’t known, though? This, right here… this thing in his chest, big and hungry and calling out Buck’s name? It would have definitely let him know. 

Eddie worked his mouth open and closed a couple of times. “Holy shit, Buck,” he finally settles on. 

“What?” Buck asks, a tad defensively. This boggles Eddie’s mind even more. It’s so like Buck to solve all of Eddie’s problems and then worry he’s being admonished for overstepping or something equally ridiculous like that. 

“You- oh my god, thank you. Thank you.” Eddie emphasis. Buck has to know how amazing he is. “Jesus, how are you even real?” 

Buck immediately flushes. “I- it’s not that big of a deal, I’ve mostly just ordered the documents. You’ll still have to fill most of the forms in.” 

“Are you kidding me? Figuring out what to do is the hardest part! Oh my god, I can’t- I’m taking you to Disneyland.” 

Buck snorts. “I’m not a kid, Eddie,” he teases. “Besides, I seem to remember you promising Chris and his paperwork to me in exchange for that coffee earlier anyway. Okay, sit down, we’re going to be doing this in order.” Buck taps at his clipboard again, a tad threateningly. “Sign where I tell you to sign.”

Buck spends the next two hours ordering Eddie around and snapping at him every time he makes even the minutest of errors. It’s glorious. Eddie has never been more in love.

It’s been a normal day so far. Eddie had dropped Chris off at his friend James’ birthday party, quickly shoo'd away with a reluctant teenage hug and a surreptitiously whispered “good luck”. Chris would be staying the night at James’. Eddie would be staying the night in his own home, with Buck, hopefully, still on his couch. 

He could have guaranteed Buck’s rightful occupancy of Eddie’s couch on any other normal-day-so-far, but today was… not going to stay normal. Maybe. Because today, Eddie was going to finally come out to Buck. 

Change is fine. Change is good. He hasn’t even changed, really, he just sees himself better now. Eddie did it with Chris, and now he can do it with Buck. Buck’s already come out to him, so he’s just returning the favor, really. 

It’s only 10 a.m. He has the whole day. Somehow, in the next 12 hours, Eddie is going to get those two words out. 

He first tries at breakfast. That Buck has ready to go when Eddie returns from dropping Chris off. Buck had just… let himself in and made breakfast for the two of them. 

Eddie needs to get his shit together and tell Buck, so he can then confess to the other thing, and then he won’t have to grit his teeth with the effort it takes not to lean over the table and kiss Buck. 

Unfortunately, somewhere between the coffee made perfect to his tastes and the not-spicy-enough chilaquiles that heat him up all the same, he loses his courage. 

His second and third tries lead to similarly failed attempts. He’s always so close, and then Buck does something that reminds Eddie of all that he’s risking. He almost convinces himself that he doesn’t need to say anything at all, actually, Buck and him can stay like this for the rest of their lives and Eddie can die a happy death.

He regroups in the bathroom. Washes his face, stares at his reflection in the mirror. Okay. He can do it. This time, for sure. 

He heads back into the living room like he’s going back to war. Buck looks up from his phone, and before Eddie can say a word, is excitedly beckoning him over.

“Okay so I was thinking, what if you didn’t go to basketball this Friday and came with me to the Big Bear superbloom?”

Eddie blinks. “There’s a superbloom?” 

Buck grins wide. 

“Again? ” 

“Isn’t that so cool? C’mon, we could make a day of it. Chris is busy anyway. Again.”

Eddie tries to hide his smile. He fails. “Are you seriously sulking because Chris wants to hang out with his friends?” 

“Two sleepovers this week, Eddie. Just this week! How many friends does one kid need?” 

Eddie rolls his eyes and drops onto the couch next to Buck, but he can’t quite hide his smile. “It's summer vacation and they’re ending up in different schools after, Buck. This is probably the last time they’ll hang out.” 

“Yeah, until he goes to Maplebrook Academy and makes a bunch of new friends that all want his time. Your kid’s too popular. Ask him to stop it.” Buck is petulant, and while he’s mostly joking Eddie can tell he genuinely does miss Chris. Maybe he’s afraid of Chris not wanting to spend time with him anymore; god knows Eddie is terrified of the very same prospect. But he has to trust that Chris will still see them as a safe harbor, still rely on them when he needs it and even when he doesn’t. 

He rests a hand on Buck’s shoulder.

“We’ll go to the superbloom Friday, okay? And we’ll brag about it to Chris, and maybe he’ll want to see it and maybe he won’t but he will always, always come back home.” 

Buck smiles. It’s a hesitant, beautiful thing, and Eddie wants to kiss it off of his face. Okay, Eddie needs to say it now, before he loses his nerve again. 

“Listen, Buck, there’s something I wanted to tell you.” 

“Hm?” 

“I-” 

Eddie’s phone rings, cutting him off. He swears and very nearly throws his phone across the room. He plans to just decline the call, except it’s Maplebrook reception that's calling. 

Of course. Why should things be easy? Why should Eddie, who has taken nearly 4 decades to realize he’s gay, have it easy with finding an opportune moment to come out to the love of his life? With a sigh he feels down to his soul, he answers the call. 

“Hi, this is Cheryl Montclair, with Maplebrook Academy. Am I speaking to Edmundo Diaz? ” 

“Hey Cheryl. Once again, just Eddie is fine.” Cheryl had been around when Eddie had gone over to get his documents verified, and since Eddie had gone without Buck, she’d been a godsend. She was in her mid-fifties, maybe, and happily married, but she’d been very in awe of Eddie’s accomplishments both as a single father and with how detailed and in order his forms were. The latter had been thanks to Buck, but Eddie sure as hell wasn’t going to explain how his best friend was kind of his kid’s dad to her. That was pathetic even by his standards.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Diaz. I’m just calling to let you know that we’ve noticed some discrepancies in your application. No real cause for concern, we’re just missing a few documents.” 

“Sure, yeah.”

Buck shoots Eddie a questioning glance. Something missing, Eddie mouths. Buck looks affronted by the idea that he might have missed something, which — fair. Buck had been exceptionally, unnecessarily thorough. 

“Your personal profile indicates that you’re single, and we haven’t received a profile of your spouse, which we normally do require. Your family structure document also appears to be missing information about your spouse.”

Eddie’s brows furrow. “What? My- Chris’ mother is dead, I’m sure I’ve put that down.”

“Yes, of course, Mr. Diaz. I’m referring to your current spouse, Mr. Buck Diaz? Now although our background check confirms that the other Mr. Diaz did not file for step-parent adoption following your marriage, we still require some basic information about him, details like his occupation and whether he lives with you and Christopher. I’ve sent over the form he’ll need to fill as a spouse that isn’t a parent to your ward. If you could also update your marital status on your personal profile, that would be much appreciated.” 

“Uh. Okay,” Eddie says. He’s working on whatever the phone conversation equivalent to muscle memory is. “Okay, I can do that. By when would you need this done?” 

“Preferably by the end of next week.” 

“Yeah, alright. Thank you.” 

“My pleasure, Mr. Diaz. I hope you have a lovely day.” 

Cheryl cuts the call. Eddie slowly draws his phone away from his face and sets it down. Is he dreaming? He’s never lucid dreamed before, but there’s a first time for everything, right?

“Eddie? What’s wrong? There’s no way I missed something, look, we went over everything thrice —” 

Oh, god, Buck has retrieved his clipboard from wherever in Eddie’s house he’d stashed it the last time. He’s waving it around as he speaks.

“Information about my spouse,” Eddie says blankly.

Buck looks confused. He flips through the pages on his clipboard. “No, look, we definitely-”

“Not Shannon,” Eddie interrupts. “My current spouse.”

Buck, understandably, looks even more confused. Then he seems to actually comprehend what Eddie is saying, and he shoots him a devastated look. “You’re- you’re married? When? To whom?”

“I… I didn’t know I was married. I don’t. I don’t think I am? But they seem to think I am. And they think…” Eddie pauses. Wets his lips. “I think… I think they think I’m married to you.”

Buck would like to think Eddie is pranking him, but Eddie isn’t really a prank sort of guy. And, even if he was, he's an absolutely terrible liar when it comes to anything serious.

“Eddie.” Buck says. Eddie stares at him blankly. “Eddie .” Buck stresses. “Eddie, what do you mean, they think we're married?

“Okay, so. You know how they did a background check and stuff right?”

“Yeah…?” Buck says and then it clicks together. “Oh, wait, what? They found a marriage certificate with our names on it?” 

Eddie, for some inexplicable reason, blushes even harder than he already is. Buck narrows his eyes. “I thought you said they thought it was me? Is it not-”

“No, no, it's definitely you they were talking about. It's just that… they called you Mr. Buck Diaz.” 

Buck immediately gets why Eddie's flustered. 

He also now knows that this is probably not the school making a mistake, switching his emergency contact file over to the spousal details section or whatever. Buck's guardianship of Chris, them being each others’ emergency contacts, it was all under the name Evan Buckley. Which was his legal name. Legally. So… 

“If I'd ever thought about marrying you, I definitely think I'd go with Buck Diaz,” Buck admits. Eddie's face shutters for a second, but before Buck even attempts to figure out what he's thinking about, he looks away. 

“Yeah, this sounds… there should be some records we can check, right? Like, can we run a background check on ourselves?”

“I- wait, let me check. Where did I put my phone?” Searching for things he'd misplaced was basically a constant in his life. “How would this even happen, Eddie?” Buck asks. “This isn’t T.V., people don’t just get married and not remember it. Like-” he hears a ringing from between the couch cushions. “Oh, thank you,” Buck says as he fishes it out and declines Eddie's call. Eddie helping Buck find whatever he'd misplaced has also become a constant in Buck's life.

“I honestly have no fucking clue.”

“Wouldn't, like, if I had a name change, wouldn't I know? Wouldn't I need to update my ID or something?”

Eddie shakes his head. “You can, but it isn't mandatory. You can keep your existing ID until expiry.”

Right, Eddie had been married. He probably knew way more about this kind of stuff.

Buck's not sure why the thought makes him feel so… odd.

It takes Buck a second of searching to find that marriages in LA are public record, and maybe a minute on the LA County Clerk's website to find it. 

The very real marriage certificate. 

“Oh,” Eddie murmurs, peering over at Buck's phone. 

“Yeah. Oh.”

He checks the date. 

“Oh!” Eddie says. “Chimney’s… bachelor party.”

“We- I was dating Tommy at the time!”

“Okay, well, dating is a bit of a stretch. The two of you had been on, what, one date at that point?” 

Buck shoots Eddie a pointed look. Eddie simply refuses to meet his gaze. 

“Not the point,” Buck hisses. “I'm also still dating him.” 

“Okay, but are you? Because, like… I really don't want this turning into another Abby situation, man.”

Buck rolls his eyes. “We just haven't had time to meet each other, lately.”

Because Tommy and him were having… a few problems. Nothing they couldn't work through. Just… some uncomfortable truths. 

Buck hasn't said anything about it to Eddie, but he's not surprised Eddie has picked up that something’s wrong.

"Everything's fine," Buck emphasizes.

“Uh huh…” Eddie says disbelievingly. 

“Can we go back to the fact that we're married? And I changed my name? ” 

Buck wonders if he looks like he's freaking out. Because he is. Freaking out. 

“Look, it's fine. I doubt it'll be that hard to, like, get an annulment or whatever. And California is a no fault divorce state.”

Buck nods. “Yeah. I mean I'd rather it be, like, an annulment? I don't know, man, I'm not ready to be, like. Legally divorced.”

He really, really isn't. Especially not with Eddie. He thinks about telling people Eddie is his ex-husband. They'd think he’s insane! What kind of idiot divorces Eddie Diaz? Like, if Buck had been in love with Eddie and married him, he'd do everything he could to keep him. 

Buck briefly wonders if that's a weird thought to have about your straight best friend that you're not in love with. He decides it's perfectly normal to recognise when your best friend is a catch. A duty, even — he just knows, better than anyone else, all the ways Eddie is painfully good. 

“So… what do we do now?” Eddie asks, and he looks worried. Of course he does — he's worried this will affect things with Chris. 

“We file whatever the school wants us to file. Obviously.”

Eddie gapes at him. “You want us to pretend to be married?”

Buck wonders how Eddie can be so smart and so stupid at the same time. “Eddie. We're not pretending.”

“Right, but-”

“Legally, right now, we're married, right? The school won't care about the circumstances, not unless the courts do. If we get an annulment, or a divorce, or whatever, we let the school know.”

“If?”

“When,” Buck corrects. “But until then, we are legally husbands.”

Buck pauses. Lets that sink in. Looks at his phone, again, and at Buck Diaz. 

“I can't believe we got married before Chimney and Maddie did,” he says a little hysterically. He meets Eddie's eyes and the two of them burst out in laughter, the full-bellied, crinkle-eyed type. 

Buck thinks about how glad he is that it's Eddie. If there's anyone he'd want to be fake-but-real married to, it's Eddie.

Being married to the love of your life while not actually having a romantic relationship is… not ideal. Eddie can’t help but appreciate the irony; his last marriage was romantic in nature, but he’d never been in love with her. 

Romantic relationship or not, it’s still easy with Buck. They tackle things as a team, as they always do. Buck handles things on the LAFD front — they're going to have to disclose their marriage to their employers. Eddie heads for the school, with the new documents in hand and some updates to Buck's emergency contact forms. 

“Mr. Diaz, hello.” It's Cheryl again. 

“Just Eddie is fine,” Eddie assures again. Instead of the little oh, you, laugh he'd got the last time around, she just smiles tersely at him. Huh. Maybe she's having a bad day.

“I hope you've got all your documents this time around?”

“I hope I do too,” Eddie laughs, handing his folder over. “Really sorry for the whole mess, earlier. The marriage was relatively recent, y’know, and there's just been so much documentation to work around.”

Buck and Eddie had decided that maybe letting the school know they'd gotten unknowingly married while drunk off of their asses would not give them the best impression. 

“Well, it's usually like that with marriages like these, isn't it?” Cheryl says, looking through the files he'd handed over. 

Eddie blinks. There's no way she's figured out the marriage was a drunken sham already. Except, he did manage to completely omit his ‘husband’ from his files, and get his name wrong on emergency contact forms, so he sees how she may have drawn the connection already.

“After all,” Cheryl continues. “Men are always less organized. I can't imagine it's easy just being the two of you, trying to raise a child together.”

Eddie blinks in surprise again. He's been doing that a lot, lately. She had been all over what a good level of care and detail had gone into their submission last time, emphasizing how ‘no one ever fills these forms right,’ and ‘oh, it's so hard to not mess up on IEP filing, you've done such a thorough job.’ 

It strikes Eddie like a hammer to the head when he realizes what her problem with him is.

“Well, it's never been my strong suit, I'll admit,” Eddie says coolly. “My husband though, he's a force to be reckoned with. It's just a pity he left filing his details to me, really, but he's done a spectacular job with the rest of it.”

The rest of their conversation is tense, with Cheryl making little homophobic barbs that are plausibly deniable but make her discontent clear. He isn't even out yet, and he's already getting the full gay experience. 

Eddie gets home with his head still in a tailspin, because for the first time, his righteous anger towards homophobes isn’t just based on principle and the love he has for his friends. It’s for himself, too. 

Eddie thinks he likes this sort of anger. Likes standing up for who he is. 

“Hey, dad. Buck made enchiladas verdes,” Chris says as Eddie walks into the house. He realizes that he had completely forgotten about lunch.

“Buck's here?”

Chris just shrugs. Eddie ruffles his hair on his way to the kitchen, unheeding of Chris’ plaintive complaints.

“Oh, hey, Eddie!” Buck exclaims happily as Eddie walks in. He’s wearing that navy apron he keeps at Eddie’s house that drives Eddie a bit mad, and he has a dish towel thrown over his shoulder. 

“Hey. You’re here?” 

Buck hums and says nothing further. Like it's just a given that this is where he belongs. “So. I told Bobby. He, uh. He tried not to laugh. He wasn’t very successful at it. He did maybe suggest he’d give you a shovel talk, though, so be on the lookout for that. ”

Eddie watches as Buck pulls the casserole dish out of the oven. With his apron, and the ease with which he carries himself in Eddie's kitchen like it's his own… For a second, Eddie pretends that their marriage isn't a farce. 

“Yeah?” Eddie asks, more than a little besottedly. “So, not mad he wasn't invited to the wedding?”

“Oh he demands we do a do-over,” Buck laughs. “Seriously though, he says he'll take care of everything and we won't be transferred to different stations.”

“Oh, fuck, I forgot that was a possibility.” Eddie wouldn’t give up working with Buck for the world. Except maybe a real marriage, but that’s… there’s not a lot Eddie can think of that would make him happier than being married to Buck. 

“Well, it isn't. He promised. Food's ready, get Chris?”

Eddie nods, pops his head into the living room. “Chris, set the table!” Chris, ever the teenager, grumbles the whole time, but soon the three of them are seated in the dining room and digging in. 

“Oh wow, this is good!” Eddie knows Buck’s been really trying with Mexican food lately, said he thinks Chris should eat it as an everyday thing instead of just a when-meeting-family thing. Said it would make him feel more connected to his culture. Unsurprisingly, Abuela and Pepa were very eager to take him under their wings.

“Mm, canned salsa verde, so I can't take too much credit,” Buck waves him off. “I got here, like, an hour ago.” 

“It's good though,” Chris says with his mouth full. 

“Chris,” Buck and Eddie admonish at the same time. Chris swallows and smiles winningly at them. 

“Wow, the two of you really are married.” 

“You're going to hold this over our heads for the rest of our lives, aren't you?” Buck sighs.

“Oh, absolutely. 100%.”

The first person they'd told had, of course, been Chris. Who had laughed. So hard. Then told Eddie to not ‘mess this one up, I need healthy meals occasionally, dad’. Then laughed some more.

Eddie was a little wounded, actually.

“So, how did it go with the school?”

“The new forms are all in order,” Eddie reports proudly.

“Of course they are, I did them! If you'd simply told me we were married earlier, you'd have saved us so much trouble,” Buck whines. Like Eddie had hid their marriage just to be difficult. 

“My apologies, Buck, I'll make sure I do that next time I marry you without my knowledge,” Eddie says drily. Buck laughs. 

They chat about anything and everything, as they usually do. Chris talks about the lore of some game he’s playing, and Eddie understands very little of it but Buck seems to be nodding along and adding his equally incomprehensible input. Eddie’s just happy to listen to the two of them. 

It’s only when they start talking about gaming culture and how it’s changed that Eddie recalls his interaction at the reception. 

“Oh! That reminds me, something weird happened today at Maplebrook,” Eddie says. “Turns out, Cheryl? Like, super homophobic.”

“Wow. In this day and age?” Chris asks.  

Buck has paused with his food halfway to his mouth. “Oh shit, I didn't even think of that.” 

“It's fine, it's not like she can say anything outright without being fired, so.”

“No. No, it's absolutely not alright, I've had to deal with those shitty little passive aggressive comments before. They're so infuriating!”

Eddie sighs. “Yeah. Yeah, they really are.”

“Y’know, maybe we should tell them. It's not like they can, like, un-accept Chris, right? I mean it's especially not fair you're getting these comments, just in general but also especially when you're straight.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie sees Chris shoot him an unimpressed look. Eddie pointedly looks away.

Okay, so maybe Eddie had forgotten about coming out. On purpose. A little bit. 

“Uh…” Eddie pauses. “Well, it's not, um, the homophobia isn't really. Misplaced.” 

“Huh?” Buck tilts his head. A look of realization dawns on him. “Wait, Eddie, are you-”

“I'mgay,” Eddie rushes out in a single breath, because he has to be the one to say it. Or Chris would call him a coward forever. 

Buck immediately abandons his food and all but leaps over the table to hug him. “Eddie,” Buck says, voice surprisingly wet. “Eddie, I'm so proud of you.”

“Thanks. Yeah, it's. It took a while, to get here, but I think… I think it's right. I feel like maybe I understand myself so much better now. Understand so much of why I did what I did. Only took over three decades, huh?”

“I can't imagine how hard this must have been to work through. I am so, so, proud of you.”

They talk about it a bit more once Chris leaves the table. Eddie tells Buck about how hard it was to work through the repression, to realize that this didn’t make him a different person. They talk about Shannon, and how Eddie’s trying to make peace with the fact that he loved her but not the way he should have, and that was okay. They talk a lot about coming out later in life, and the feeling of things finally clicking together, making sense. They’re raw and drained by the end of it, but Eddie feels more at peace with himself than he has in… 

In longer than he can remember. Maybe in forever. 

That night, Eddie sends a bouquet of flowers to Maplebrook Academy, addressed to Cheryl. She did, after all, help Eddie finally come out to Buck. 

If he signs it Mr. and Mr. Diaz, well. Who could blame him for being proud of his loving, caring, organized husband?

Married life, Buck contemplates, is a lot like normal life. Except once in a while he’ll look at himself in the mirror and think Buck Diaz, and he’ll look at Eddie and think that’s my husband. 

And it’s… kind of killing his relationship with Tommy. Well, adding on to the rapidly approaching death of said relationship. 

The issue started, surprisingly, because Tommy had no problems with Buck spending so much time with Eddie. 

Buck had canceled on one of their dates because Eddie had some work pop up unexpectedly, and Buck had offered to sit with Chris without a second thought. He’d completely forgotten all about his date with Tommy until Tommy called asking him where he was. 

Buck had felt incredibly guilty. Not exactly about the decision he’d made, because Chris and Eddie would always come first, but about the fact that he had forgotten about his boyfriend entirely. It didn’t help that he couldn’t exactly invite Tommy over to hang out with him and Chris, because somewhere along the way, Chris had decided he ‘ hated Tommy, actually.’

When Buck had asked him why, Chris simply responded: “He calls you Evan.”

Buck apologized to Tommy, then apologized once again. The third time, Tommy had placed a hand on his shoulder and said. “Evan, it’s okay. I get it. Eddie’s a really good friend, and it’s sweet how much you’re there for him and Chris.” 

Buck had smiled gratefully. Except then- then Tommy had said: “Besides, it’s not like I have to worry about you getting with him. I mean, if helicopter rides and trips to Vegas couldn’t woo him, I don’t see how a bit of babysitting is going to.” 

So there was that. He’d wanted to break up with Tommy, he really had, except Tommy had promised him that he didn’t even like Eddie anymore and ‘ I’ve really grown to value our relationship, Evan’, and Buck just… 

Okay, maybe he felt a bit indebted to Tommy for even showing him this part of himself. That didn’t change the fact that finding out he’d been a consolation prize to Tommy fed into every single deep-rooted insecurity he had about being not enough.

Buck’s not a quitter, though. He doesn’t give up. So maybe he wasn’t enough at the start — it was Eddie, anyone would choose Eddie over Buck. He just had to… prove himself now. And if he did, maybe this time he would actually succeed in a way he never did with his parents, and Tommy would see that Buck’s worth something, and continue to help him figure out this new, confusing part of himself. 

Buck hadn’t told Eddie, because of course he hadn’t. He knows Eddie, knows how angry Eddie would be on his behalf. Eddie is so good, and he sees the good in Buck, but sometimes he can be a little biased. He doesn’t see how in every relationship, romantic or otherwise, Buck has been inadequate. 

Part of him thinks that since he’s kind of disappointed Tommy right from the start, things can only get better. He knows that’s irrational, but it just… somehow, in his head, it just makes sense. 

Mostly, he’s scared of navigating his bisexuality alone. He didn’t really… do anything to get Tommy to hit on him. He’s not sure how he’d go about picking up men, let alone forming an actual relationship with them. When they go to gay clubs, or meet Tommy’s other LGBT friends, Buck is painfully aware of how late he’s coming out. Everyone else is so much more sure in their skin. They know what they want, what they don’t, while Buck fumbles around figuring out the basics of who he is now and recontextualising his past with the realization that he’s attracted to men. 

So. He stayed with Tommy. He doesn’t really like Tommy anymore, not the way he used to. He feels inadequate, and he’s constantly second guessing himself, and it’s more than a little exhausting. But he’d chosen to stay. 

And now he’s apparently married to Eddie and all Buck can think of is how little he wants to be ‘Evan Buckley, Tommy Kinard’s boyfriend’ when he can be (and is) ‘Buck Diaz, husband of Eddie Diaz’. 

Buck’s not stupid. He seems stupid, sometimes, but it’s usually just impulsivity or inattention masking itself as stupidity. And he’s been spending a lot of time looking inward, especially with the whole recently-coming-out thing and… 

Well, after noticing his own elation and pride over being Buck Diaz, it doesn’t take a lot of time for him to put together that he’s in love with Eddie. Has been, and is, and will always be, in a way that’s weaved into who he is at his core.

This is all the more reason to stay with Tommy. Buck will not jeopardize his relationship with Eddie. He can’t. Eddie and Chris are the most important people in his life to him. They’re his family.  

Just because Eddie has come out doesn't mean they'll work. Doesn't mean that even if they did start dating, it would last.

He sucks it up. Tries his best to fall for Tommy instead. It doesn’t exactly work, but he still likes Tommy. Likes that Tommy likes him. Tommy is charmed by Buck’s inadequacies, views him as… naïve, or something along those lines, instead.

In public, he's ‘Evan Buckley, Tommy Kinard's boyfriend.’ In private? In private, Buck's free to stare at the marriage certificate that proclaims him ‘Buck Diaz’.

“So,” Eddie says one night. “Finally got around to talking to my lawyer.”

Buck shifts guiltily. He'd told Eddie he'd talk to his lawyer — well, his sister's lawyer friend — about the next steps he could take. He'd meant to do it! He'd just been… busy. 

“Well?”

“She said an annulment should be on the cards, considering neither of us remember it and we haven’t, er, consummated the marriage.” 

“It matters if you've had sex?”

“Apparently so. It should be cheaper if we go the divorce route if we do a DIY divorce, just file it ourselves online. I’m not too worried about the price either way, though, I don’t want you regretting anything.”

Buck shifts. “I guess… an annulment, then? I want my first marriage to be, y’know. My first marriage.” 

Eddie nods. Then he looks at Buck in that particular way he does when he has something he's too scared to say. 

“Eddie?” Buck prods. He wonders when Eddie will learn there's nothing he has to be scared about telling Buck, ever. They've got each others’ backs. 

“I was wondering… If maybe you. Wanted to stay married for a bit longer so that you can… A, uh, a step-parent adoption, when finalized, would be valid even after a couple's marriage is annulled.”

Buck's heart stutters. It takes him a minute to process what Eddie's saying, then another?

“You asked your lawyer about step-parent adoption?” He asks in a voice too hesitant to be hopeful.

“You're his dad in every way that matters, Buck. We might as well make it legal too.”

Buck swallows. He loves Chris. He loves Chris. He'd do anything for him. Sometimes, he thinks of Chris as his son. He always feels so guilty when he does, because Eddie is Chris’ dad, and Buck doesn't want to suggest he's done half as much as Eddie has.

And here Eddie is, just… offering him custody. He'd have the same rights to Chris as a biological parent would, then. Could even take Eddie to court over custody if he wanted to. Buck had checked the ins and outs of step-parent adoption after noticing how important of a role the school placed on it. And here Eddie is, just… 

“Eddie, that's- I mean-”

Eddie shakes his head like he knows what Buck is thinking. He probably does. “Look, Buck, I… I know it's unconventional, but… You've been a part of Chris’ life longer than you haven't. And more importantly… I mean, who is it that Chris talked to about his first girlfriend? Well, girlfriends.”

Buck swallows. “Me.”

“And who is it he runs to when he's mad at me?”

“Me. But, Eddie, that doesn't mean-”

Eddie places a hand on Buck's forearm. “You're right. It doesn't. But you know what does? The way you're there, nearly every day. You make decisions without my say so, you argue with me when you think I'm doing something wrong with him, and I never want that to stop.”

Buck swallows. He remembers pulling Eddie aside, telling him how he was being too protective, how Chris needs his space and should be allowed to start going on sleepovers. He remembers the opposite, too, when Chris had run off to Texas and hadn't been back for three whole months. He'd pulled Eddie aside and let him know he couldn't keep being lenient with Chris at the fear of upsetting him, told him he needs to step up and be the dad. He never questioned how this was too involved, maybe, and Eddie for his part never made Buck feel like it was.

“Look,” Eddie says with a sigh. “Do you know, uh… Shit, I forgot her name. Alena’s mom.”

“Yvette?” 

“Right,” Eddie says with a pointed look, because of course Buck knows all the parents that are a part of the PTA. “She's part of some single parent group, I guess, and a few parents from it were around and talking at Alena’s birthday party. And I kinda, like, joined the conversation because technically I'm a single parent, you know? And I realized- holy shit, I don't have anything in common with these people at all. I don't remember what it's like to do it alone. To question myself and not have someone else I can ask to make the decision on my behalf, because I do have someone . And that's why Yvette was glaring at me when I hung around.”

Buck smiles softly, eyes wet. “I- I'm glad you don't have anything in common with them. I'm glad you don't feel like a single parent.”

“That's because I'm not. And I want to make sure that holds true legally, too.” 

“We'd have to talk to Chris about it,” Buck whispers. He's not quite ready to believe… This is too important to believe in before it's true.

Eddie just smiles. “Who do you think first suggested the idea?”

They don't tell the team. Buck says it’s because he already knows Chris is going to hold this over his head for the rest of their lives and he doesn’t need the team to do the same. Eddie says the same, but really, it's that he can't bear the idea of it being out there and not real. Or worse, being joked about. It feels precious, this thing he didn't even know he'd done. He wants to protect it. 

It’s so hard to hide it. Eddie's heart beats with it, and he feels a little guilty that he'd never felt this way when it was him and Shannon. Mostly, he’s awed by the fact that it can feel this way at all. He'd always been so self assured when it came to romance, smooth and confident. It's what Shannon liked about him. It's only now that Eddie learns this was because he didn't really like the women he dated. 

Because with Buck? Now that Eddie knows? It's … it's so different. 

Most of the time, they're just Buck and Eddie. They've been Buck and Eddie a lot longer than Eddie's realizations, and their friendship is solid, real. Except sometimes Buck will say something, or the sun will hit him in just the right way, and Eddie's heart will beat so fast he worries it'll bruise his chest from the inside. He feels like a teenager with a crush, and it's so… weird, being tongue-tied around his best friend. The soon-to-be father of his child. 

His husband.

Every time he thinks the word, Eddie trips. Athena calls Bobby her ‘hubby’ and Eddie is immediately launched into a million fantasies of calling Buck the same. He's not even sure he likes the nickname. He's just floored by the domesticity of it.

The point is, it's really fucking hard to hide. But Eddie does it. With great effort. 

And in the end, it doesn’t even matter. 

It happens like this:

Buck tears his turnout coat on a call. He has a spare, of course, but he puts in an order for a new one. The names on the back of your coat are automatically drawn from your files. Both Buck and Eddie have forgotten about this fact.

The whole team is present when Buck unwraps his new turnout coat. The one that, at the back, proudly proclaims itself as belonging to a ‘B. Diaz’. 

“God, they send you the wrong turnout? I remember when I got Thompson's coat,” Chimney complains. "Didn't know we had another Diaz."

Buck chokes.

Chimney looks at Buck's face. At Eddie's. Back at Buck's.

Eddie feels like a criminal caught in the act.

“...Something you two want to share with the class?” Hen asks.

Eddie swallows. He isn't quite sure what to say.

“We, uh… We're married. And it's Chimney’s fault! It was his bachelor party!” Buck, on the other hand, has always believed offense was a strong defense. 

“We just found out, while filing for Chris’ school,” Eddie says with a sigh. It's too late to even attempt to lie. 

“We're going to get it annulled, eventually!” Buck assures. Which is maybe the worst thing to say in this situation, because everyone instantly catches on to the qualifier at the end of the sentence.

“Eventually?” Bobby asks. “You’re holding off on it?”

Eddie scrubs a hand down his face. Buck shifts guiltily in his seat and looks pleadingly at Eddie, which. Fine. Fine! He’ll do his husbandly duties.

“So, uh…” Eddie starts. “We decided to… hold off on the annulment for a bit. We put in an application for step-parent adoption, so we're just… waiting on that…”

Bobby, Chimney, and Hen all stare at them with gaping mouths. 

“It's not like it's going to be that long!” Buck defends. “Right Eddie? It's just going to be, er…”

“Three months,” Eddie offers unwillingly. 

“Yeah, three mon- wait, three months? ” Buck whirls to look at Eddie. 

“At least,” he admits. Which.  Okay, yeah, he knew it took three to six months for step-parent adoption to go through. And he had made no indication to the process being anywhere near as long. But Buck hadn't asked! Eddie had assumed that Buck, always hungry to learn, would eventually ask. He'd thought that when he told Buck how long the process would take, Buck would realize this was insane and ask for an immediate annulment. 

Except Buck didn't ask. And this information wasn't hard to look up, either. So Eddie had hoped… Maybe Buck knew. Maybe Buck knew and was okay with it. 

Great, now Buck was gaping at him too. 

“I don't see how this is that insane,” Eddie finally says. He does, but if he denies it hard enough… 

Chimney doesn't seem to want to let him. “You don't see how that's insane? You don't see how that's insane! Of course you don't. Did you hear that, Hen? He doesn't see how that's insane!” 

“I mean…” Buck says a little hesitantly. “It is for Chris. If something happens to Eddie, he shouldn't have to move back to Texas with grandparents that smother him. And his sisters, they're nice, but they don't really know Chris, you know? And it wouldn't be fair for them to have to uproot their lives and move to LA either!”

Hen stares at them. “Have you two bozos considered that it would be easier to just have Eddie put in his will that Chris goes to Buck in the case of an emergency?”

“Well,” Eddie blushes. 

“I… Um, I am. I mean, he will. Already. I'm,  I'm already in his will.” Buck shifts. “It's been, maybe 4, 5 years?”

Eddie remembers the well collapse that prompted the decision. Good times. He wonders if the ground would be so kind as to swallow him up again.

“Okay,” Bobby finally says. He sounds done. Just tired. “Okay. Sure. Buck, you wanna come help cook?”

The rest of the shift is a nightmare, obviously. Hen and Chimney do not let them so much as breathe, and Bobby doesn't seem to be as motivated to put an end to it as he usually is.

Except Eddie can't help but think it's all worth it when Buck chooses to wear his new turnout coat over his old spare.

Eddie spends every call they get after pointedly ensuring Buck takes the lead. 48 hours in, he's still not immune to the way B. Diaz makes him feel. 

"Buck." 

Buck sighs. He had barely gotten home, how the hell had Chimney managed to spill this that fast? 

"Maddie."

"Should I call you Mr. Diaz, now?" 

Actually, yes please. 

"Maddie," Buck groans. "Mercy." 

She laughs. "Oh, Buck. Only you. You are aware that you're in love with him, right?" 

"I'm blocking your number," Buck threatens, and Maddie laughs harder. "I am!"

"Well, lucky for me, I know your husband pretty well. Could always reach you through him. I'm coming over tonight. Wine. Takeout. It's a girl's night, do not invite your husband." 

Buck groans. Why does he love her, again? 

Buck's not unused to being hit on, but he's not a huge fan of it happening at work. Especially when the person flirting with him is high and seems determined not to believe Buck when he says he's taken.

Buck spots Eddie talking to Athena out of the corner of his eye and inspiration strikes. 

“No, seriously, I'm actually married!” Buck turns around and points to his name on his turnout coat. “You see that? B. Diaz. Do I look like a Diaz to you?” He then points to where Eddie is. “That's the Diaz in question.”

She squints at Eddie in the distance. “Is he cute?” 

This is the first time she hasn't immediately accused him of lying. Buck breathes out in relief and takes the win. “Oh, so cute,” Buck says enthusiastically. “Cute and hot and sexy and caring. I'm very happy.”

Eddie and Athena make their way to them, evidently having finished their conversation. God, how does Eddie look so good all the time? It's like the sun has decided that Eddie Diaz deserves a spotlight and is determined to have his skin glow and eyes lit up honey brown all the time. 

“Alright ma'am,” Athena says to their patient, “we're going to take you to the hospital first, and then we're going to find out who did this to you, alright?”

The woman — Sandra — ignores Athena completely in favor of eyeing Eddie up and down. 

“You're right,” she finally says to Buck. “He is cute and sexy. Can't say much about the caring part, but you'd know I suppose.” She sighs. 

“Um…” Eddie is blushing furiously.

“Don't worry,” Sandra sighs again. “I won't steal your husband, Mr. Diaz. Don't think I can, anyway. I'll go with the nice police lady. That's an oxymoron.” 

She looks at Athena and then starts blushing furiously. “Oh my god. Fuck the cops indeed. Please tell me you're not married too.” 

Athena flashes her ring, but laughs when Sandra begins asking about threesomes and open relationships as she's being led away. 

“So, uh, what… what was that about?” Eddie asks shyly. 

“Oh, she wouldn't stop flirting with me,” Buck explains as he helps Eddie pack up. 

“And the, uh, the… cute and caring stuff?”

“And sexy,” Buck reminds. “Don't forget sexy. Nah, I had to sell it, didn't I? Besides, it's not like anything I said was a lie. You are hot and sexy and caring, and you are my husband.” Buck shrugs. “C’mon, I wanna head back before all the cupcakes are gone.”

Eddie takes a second to follow, and Buck guiltily wonders if Eddie minds them being so public about their marriage. If he did, he'd tell him right?

He asks Eddie on their way back to the firehouse. Eddie flushes deep and mumbles something Buck can't quite catch. Buck leans closer, instinctively, even though their voices are really being transmitted through their headsets. 

“No, it's. It's fine,” Eddie admits. “I don't mind.”

Buck's aware that Hen and Chim are staring, but he's too happy to care. He's glad Eddie thinks he's a good enough fake husband to be open about it. 

“Sure, yeah. How about we watch the Lakers game Monday? I know Buck's off, so you must be too, yeah?” Tommy asks.

Eddie sighs inwardly. He reminds himself he used to like Tommy. It does very little to help.

“And Buck?” Eddie asks, because there’s no way in hell he’s doing this if Buck’s not there. And Buck… has made his distaste for basketball very clear. 

“He'll be around, even if he isn't going to pay attention.”

There's only so long you can fob off a man you're meant to be friends with before you either have to make it clear you aren't friends anymore or suck it up and pretend you are.

For Buck's sake, Eddie chooses the latter.

“Sure man, yeah. Sounds good.”

He meant to be nice to Tommy. He went in aiming to be nice and cordial and polite. He really did. 

It’s just…

When the day rolls around Buck is… perfect. Too perfect. He talks, but always at the right moments, and never about some niche topic he's heard about. For the most part, he reads while they watch the game, and he doesn't pause even once to complain or praise or just summarize what he's reading. He doesn't even seem off the way he does when he's having a bad day, doesn't seem to notice he's being weird at all. 

“Good game,” Tommy says at the end, stretching. Eddie wouldn't know. He's been too busy watching Buck instead. 

“I can't believe you didn't complain about being forced to watch a single time,” Eddie says to Buck. He keeps his tone lightheaded. 

“Evan never complains,” Tommy says easily. Like what he's saying isn't entirely contrary to who Buck is as a person. 

“What?” Eddie asks. “Buck always complains. He's not a sports guy.”

Buck rolls his eyes. “Hey, I didn't complain when we watched the Olympics together,” he says. 

“Uh, yeah, cause that's the Olympics. ”

Buck just sticks his tongue out at Eddie.

“Maybe Evan just likes spending time with me, no matter what we're doing.”

Eddie gags internally. If that actually is the case, Eddie might… okay, okay, no. He's being nice. He's pretending he cares. “So, what do the two of you usually do, then?” Eddie asks, like he's the least bit interested. 

Buck shrugs. “We like this. Hanging out at home.”

Eddie gapes. “Really? No museums, no hikes?”

Tommy shrugs too, in a disturbingly Buck way. “We love a good movie marathon. Hey, I've ordered us dinner, hope that's okay. You like Kung Pao chicken, don't you, Eddie?”

Eddie feels like he's in the twilight zone. He does like Kung Pao chicken, which Tommy seems to remember. But whatever he's ordered for Buck is going to be wrong. Hell, even Eddie can't predict what Buck will want to order. Buck likes trying new things every day, he doesn't really stick to a set order. He likes reading through the entire menu, and taking forever to decide.

Buck, however, doesn't protest that Tommy has ordered for him. Doesn't seem surprised at all.

The thing is, Eddie had been under the impression that Tommy was a decent boyfriend. Tommy and he had been friends, after all, and Eddie had liked their time together. Tommy had been easygoing, friendly without being overbearing, and damn funny when he wanted to be. 

Eddie is very aware that his newfound avoidance of Tommy was just, well. Jealousy. 

Buck himself had been nothing but praise for Tommy. The first couple of times the three of them had hung out, the two of them had been besotted with each other. It was then that Eddie made the decision that he wouldn't be third wheeling on any of their dates if he could help it. Self care.

So he hasn't seen the two of them together in a while. He knew they'd gone through a bit of a rough patch in the middle there, but Buck had called them growing pains, and in less than a month he was back to weekly dates and sappy stories. 

Looking at them now, Eddie hates how easily he had been taken in by Tommy’s charm. 

It isn't that Tommy actually does anything. It's Buck in Tommy’s presence. Careful. Cautious. Like he's watching himself, afraid of messing up. 

And it's the way Tommy doesn't even notice. 

Eddie spends the rest of the night trying his hardest to not seem downright vitriolic towards Tommy. He's not sure how well he manages.

When Tommy leaves, he says they should do it again. His tense jaw suggests he absolutely does not mean it, which works perfectly for Eddie.

“So, how was the zoo with Buck?” Eddie asks Chris as they fold the laundry. Chris shrugs.

“Uh, fine? Good, like always. But when we got home, your husband's boyfriend was waiting.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Your dad, soon. I thought you liked Tommy?” 

“I did, when I was thirteen. Besides, you liked him too.”

Eddie snorts. It always amuses him how, to Chris, three months is practically a lifetime ago.

“I dunno, Buck's, like… weird around him,” Chris continues. “Not sure I like it.”

Eddie bites his lip. Arguably, the right thing to do would be to give Chris some vague reply that wouldn't negatively affect his relationship with Buck's boyfriend, but… 

What did he have a kid for if not to gossip with? 

“I watched the Lakers game with them the other day. And Buck didn't complain once. ”

“Buck? Not complaining about basketball?” Chris gasps dramatically. “He’s been replaced by a pod person.” 

“Right? It was so weird, Chris. And get this. They stay in for their dates. Every date.” 

“But… Buck loves going out.” 

“Exactly!”

“He’s like this huge golden retriever that perks up at the word walk! He’s excited to go to the grocery store.”

“Tommy’s just… so bad for him.” 

Chris bites his lip like he’s about to say something he knows he shouldn’t. It’s been that way for a bit, transitioning from ‘kid who must pretend not to know what swears are’ to ‘teenager who can get away with a shit , and maybe a fuck for special occasions. They’ve been doing… surprisingly well, though Buck’s been a great moderating influence, so he’s not really surprised.

“Speak,” Eddie allows.

“Okay, so…Tommy's kinda, like. Old and ugly? Why would Buck choose to date him?”

“Chris!”

“What? You know I'm right!” Chris protests. Eddie shoots him a Look.

“You're not, actually, he's only a couple of years older than I am.”

“Oh god, that's actually so much worse? Like he doesn't even have the age excuse to look so bad.”

Eddie can't help it. He laughs. He's got a funny kid! He should tell Chris off, but. 

If he didn’t, he could spend the rest of the night gossiping over Buck’s shitty boyfriend with Chris, the funniest kid in the world. 

The choice is obvious. Eddie pays for it by being teased an unfair amount over being in love with his own husband. 

It comes to a head on the day after Halloween. The team decides to have an after-party, a kid free night to just let loose and gorge themselves on alcohol and leftover candy.

Bobby and Athena are hosting. Almost all of them are drinking. 

Tommy is there. 

“God,” Eddie whispers to Karen. “Look at them.”

“I know,” Karen whispers back, attempting to pat his knee. She misses. She's well past the realm of tipsy and solidly in the nearly-too-drunk-to-function territory, so he's keeping an eye on her. Mostly, he just likes hanging out with her. 

“What does Buck see in him?” Eddie complains.

“Yesterday he wasn’t even in… in costume!”

“He wasn’t even for the- for Chimney’s bachelor party.” Eddie pauses. He’s not drunk, but he’s tipsy enough to smile sappily and whisper to Karen: “That’s when the two of us got married, Buck and I.” 

Karen smiles indulgently. “Hen told me. The two of you are cute. Stay married.” 

“I’m trying ,” Eddie whines. He isn’t, really, he’s not going to- not going to trap Buck in a marriage he doesn’t really want to be in with his best friend. Eddie has been in one of those and it did not go well. He means it in spirit, though. He's trying to make Buck fall in love with him so it can be real. His attempts have included mooning over Buck from a distance and grinning widely whenever Buck annoys Chimney or Hen enough that they ask him to go bother ‘the other Mr. Diaz’. 

Okay, so trying may be too strong a word. Hoping, Eddie thinks. Pining pathetically, Chris says. 

“Try harder. Get rid of the boyfriend,” Karen advises. 

Speak of the devil. Tommy’s walking over to him. Only because Buck’s dragging him along, of course, but the joy of seeing Buck is nearly eclipsed by the sight of his arm in Tommy’s. 

“Eddie,” Buck says, swaying slightly. “Come dance.” 

Eddie imagines dancing with Buck and Tommy. He shudders. “Nah, I’m good.”

“What? Why not? You love dancing! Are you okay?” Fuck, Buck’s so cute when he’s tipsy enough to get whiny. With great effort, Eddie smiles and wraps a hand around Karen’s shoulders. 

“Who wouldn’t be, with such great company?” Which isn’t untrue. Karen is incredibly smart, and knows so much. He’s been picking her brains about queer theory and history and he feels a little like he should be paying her a fee.

Karen giggles. “Hen!” She calls out to her wife gleefully. “The gay man is trying to steal me!” 

For a second, it's like time stops. The fear of coming out to someone new is always overwhelming, irrespective of who it's to. Tommy immediately turns to Eddie in shock.

The thing is, Eddie can’t really blame her. He had come out to the rest of the firehouse, Buck by his side. And they’d taken it fantastically, as expected. And Karen and his conversation had started with the two of them talking about coming out, and what it felt like coming out so much later in life, and he did say he’d come out to everyone over the course of that conversation. 

It’s not his fault he likes pretending Tommy Kinard doesn’t exist.

“You’re gay?” Tommy asks.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah. Just… getting around to coming out, now.” 

“Fuck, I knew it!” Tommy crows, and Eddie frowns. It feels a bit… insulting for him to be so smug about an identity Eddie has taken decades to accept. Tommy doesn’t seem to notice his displeasure. 

“Man, I thought my gaydar was broken,” Tommy laughs. “I kept taking you on all those fancy dates and you didn’t respond at all, I thought you were straight for sure!” 

Three things happen at once. 

Buck elbows Tommy. Karen throws up. Eddie sees red. 

Luckily for Tommy, Karen puking ends up taking precedence, and Eddie rubs her back soothingly while Buck goes to get Hen. By the time he’s packed Karen off safely in the uber with Hen, Eddie's calmer. Not by much, but enough to realize committing assault in Sergeant Athena Grant's home would be extremely stupid. 

Still, that doesn't mean he can't have a little… chat. Buck and Tommy have disappeared to the back garden, and they appear to be alone. Perfect.

Eddie storms in. Immediately, Tommy is raising his hands in surrender. 

Coward. 

“Woah, Eddie, calm down-” Tommy says, shuffling closer to Buck.

“Calm down?” Eddie demands. Except- wait, why is Buck still by Tommy’s side at all? “Buck, did you know this?” 

Buck looks at him guiltily. 

“You knew this, and you stayed with him? Why would you do that?” Jesus, he knew Buck's self esteem was bad, but what the fuck.

Tommy interrupts, because of course he fucking does. “Look, Eddie, we’ve already worked through this, okay? So butt out.” 

Eddie stares at him, aghast. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He asks. “No, genuinely, what makes you think you have any right to try and guide this conversation?”

“Look, man, can we be civilized here? I don't know what went wrong with us, but I think we owe it to Evan to at least try to get along.”

Eddie clenches his jaw. He will not punch Buck's boyfriend. He will not punch Buck's boyfriend. At least not when Athena is keeping a careful eye on them from behind the glass doors that lead to the garden.

“I’ll tell you what went wrong with us,” Eddie snarls instead. “You were fucking trying to woo me, and when I didn’t take the bait, you, what, kissed him like Buck like he’s some fucking consolation price?”

Tommy levels an unimpressed gaze at Eddie. “Who do you think you're kidding, Eddie? Because you've had a problem with me ever since I kissed Evan. Are you jealous? Still dealing with internalized homophobia? What is it?”

“Tommy, c'mon,” Buck tries again. He reaches out to rest a hand on Tommy's forearm only for Tommy to unceremoniously shake it off. It's fuel to the raging fire within Eddie. 

Because this isn’t Buck. Quiet, on the sidelines, not interfering except when he has to. Tommy is breaking Buck down, and Eddie will be damned if he lets that happen.

“No, because you know what?” Eddie asks. He gets up in Tommy’s space. “I think part of me knew, the second I knew you were gay. All those fucking helicopter rides, the trip to Vegas, the basketball matches.” Eddie runs a frustrated hand through his hair. “All that fucking effort, and you have the audacity to come to Chimney’s bachelor party in a fucking henley. You take Buck on helicopter rides, Tommy? No? How about starting something with him, a sport or a tradition or anything he'll enjoy? No? How about listening to a single fucking word he says?”

Out of the corner of his eyes, Eddie sees Buck stunned into silence. He knows he should stop, but he's frankly had enough with Tommy.

“Watch it,” Tommy growls. “I don't know where you get off thinking you can tell me how to navigate my relationship with my boyfriend-”

“And I don't know where you get off treating my fucking husband like that!”

Tommy stills, thrown off balance. “What?”

Eddie laughs, a little maniacally. 

“Evan, what is he talking about?”

“That's not his fucking name, asshole. You refuse to call him anything but his legal name? How does Buck Diaz work for you?”

Buck looks at Eddie desperately, begging Eddie to shut up. He doesn’t need to- Eddie has nothing left to say. He knows he's won.

“Evan, would you care to explain?” 

“We were- we were drunk, it was the day of Chimney’s bachelor party. And we didn't know until, like, a month ago.”

“And you didn't tell me?”

“I know I should have, but I was… I wasn't sure how you'd take it.”

Tommy spares a glance at Eddie, then pulls Buck close. He cups a hand around Buck's cheek, and Buck lets him.

Eddie's smug smile drops right off his face and his stomach churns. This isn’t what he thought would happen. He can’t do anything but watch in frozen horror.

“I understand,” Tommy murmurs, and this, this act is how he’s keeping Buck trapped, isn’t it? “It was just a mistake. When's the annulment going through?”

Buck stiffens. “It's… it's not, not yet. We're using the opportunity to… it's easier if I adopt Chris now.”

Tommy's grip tightens around Buck. “You're staying married to Eddie?”

“Just, just for a couple of months! And it's just a piece of paper-”

“Evan, Chris is not your kid. You're not in a relationship with his dad. Why would you need to adopt him? Don't you see what Eddie’s doing? He's using Chris to get you to stay, he's-”

Before Eddie can even begin to process what Tommy’s saying, Buck wrenches away.

“What? How could you- You said you understood. You said you understood that Chris comes first.” Buck sounds hurt, and angry. Finally, finally angry.

“Jesus, Evan, you said you loved him like your own, not that you'd deluded yourself into thinking he is your own.”

And that- that's a step too far. 

“You shut your mouth!” Eddie snarls. “Buck's been in Chris’ life longer than Chris’ own mother has. He's saved Chris’ life, but more importantly, he's been there for all the little things. PTA meetings, doctors’ appointments, homework and dinner and, and fucking esports tournaments. You can criticize my relationship with Buck all you want but don't you fucking dare imply he isn't Chris’ father. Because he is.”

Tommy steps back, then. Looks at the two of them.

“Wow. You two… you two deserve each other.” He laughs and shakes his head. “I should have known. Right from the start. I kept thinking, hoping I was wrong, but wow. Have a nice married life, Evan. Lose my number.” 

Tommy turns around and walks away. Just like that. Like it’s easy to give up on Buck, easy to walk away from him. 

“Tommy!” Buck calls, but before Buck can chase after him, Eddie is sliding his hand into Buck’s. 

“Don’t,” Eddie pleads. “C’mon, Buck. You deserve better. You have to know you deserve better.”

Buck sighs. “Do I, Eddie? Because, I don't know, there's kind of been a pattern in my relationships, don't you think?”

Eddie shakes his head. “If there is, it's only that they're all idiots. Maybe you have shitty taste, I don't know.” 

This startles a laugh out of Buck. “I dunno, if you knew the people my taste included, you might not be so quick to say that."

Eddie feels his heart stutter and climb its way up to his throat. He can't mean- he can't mean that, because if he does, why the hell is he trying to stay with Tommy?

“Buck,” Eddie whispers. Hesitant. Hopeful.

Buck shakes his head. “I can't,” he whispers. “Don't ask me to. I can't. I can't risk us.” 

He slips his hand out of Eddie's and walks away.

Eddie, like an idiot, watches him leave.

Buck's been at the loft for about an hour when he hears knocking. He isn't surprised. 

“You have a key, Eddie!” he calls out, staying seated on his uncomfortable couch. A pause, then the rattling of a key in the lock.

“Wasn't sure if I was allowed to still use it.” 

Buck shoots Eddie a look. “You're always allowed to use it, Eddie,” he sighs.

Eddie flushes. “You can't keep- you can't say stuff like that and then turn around and say-” 

Buck stands up, pushes himself into Eddie's space. “What do you want me to say, Eddie? Everyone leaves. Everyone. Leaves. And I can't lose you and Chris, I can't. ”

“You'd never lose Chris,” Eddie promises immediately. “Even if something happened to us. I'd never keep you from Chris.” 

Buck trusts that. But Chris wasn't the only thing on the line. “For years, your couch, your home… you have been my safe harbor. The one thing I can trust.”

Eddie's eyes soften. He steps closer and curls a hand around Buck's jaw, and Buck shudders. 

“So keep trusting me,” Eddie murmurs. “You think I'm not scared? I have a worse track record with relationships than you do, Buck.” 

Buck rolls his eyes. “Yeah, real surprise, the gay man didn't do great with women.” 

“No,” Eddie says. “No, that's not it. Part of it, maybe, but… I've never just fit with anyone else like I do you. Buck… we parent a kid together. We work together, and then we come home and hang out together, and we've been doing this for years. And we've had, what, two real fights through it all?” 

Buck gazes at Eddie's eyes. Earnest, and determined.

“I'm scared too,” Eddie murmurs. “But I trust us enough to try. Because I know that, no matter what happens, I'll fight for us.”

And Buck… Buck wants . He'd fight for Eddie too, has fought for Eddie. That doesn't guarantee he'll always win that fight. 

“But what if-” Buck starts. 

“What if what, Buck? What if we sleep on other sides of the bed? What if we have different tastes in food, have a problem with each other's job? What if you don't like Chris? What if one of us doesn't want to get married? We know everything about each other, what could possibly surprise us?” 

Buck bites back a smile at that, and Eddie rolls his eyes because he knows what Buck's thinking even before Buck says it. “I think the stories of your 1.0 days have me sufficiently reassured on that front.”

“Well, what if you're bad at sex?” Buck asks, because he likes being a dick. Likes the way Eddie smiles in response. 

“Why, you gonna leave me if I can't get you off?” Eddie asks with a raised eyebrow. 

“You know I wouldn't.”

“Yeah, I know you wouldn't.”

Buck closes his eyes. Thinks about… Bobby and Athena, actually, finding each other despite all the loss they've faced. Thinks about Mitchell and Thomas. You don't find it, son, you make it.

He gets what Eddie is saying. Because the two of them? They've… they've already made it. 

He feels the warmth of Eddie's breath against his lips, the heat of his body. Eddie's hand against his jaw, calloused and lovely. Buck flutters his eyes open to see. Eddie's eyes shine, but his eyebrows are drawn together. Hopeful, yet bracing for disappointment. 

After years and years of wanting, for the first time, Buck lets himself have.

“I love you,” Buck whispers. “And I- I trust you. I trust us.” 

Eddie's smile is like a breath of fresh air after drowning. The relief of a need met.

“I love you, Buck Diaz. To the core.” 

Kissing Eddie feels like coming home.