Archive of Our Own

He convinces her to tutor him. Even though she doesn’t want to seem like that super-smart girl that would always answer the questions during class, or finish her test in five minutes. He begs her, tells her that if he doesn’t get his grades up in trigonometry then he won’t be able to play at the games. (He’s still eligible to play with only one failing grade, and he has decent grades in the rest of his classes). But what Emily doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.

He is telling the truth, when he tells her how hopeless he is. He thinks he has one of those newly discovered disorders, like dyslexia except it’s with numbers instead of letters. For some reason he’s never been able to understand it.

They study in the back of the library, because she forced him to. He doesn’t think she’s realized that Mike doesn’t care, that Mike’s never cared about what she does. He hardly even pays attention to her. Damn asshole. He can’t see how amazing it is, to have Emily Davis give you the time of day. He just takes it for granted.

He stares at his homework, looking at ‘find cosine’ on his paper, and even though Emily explained it to him just a few minutes ago, it doesn’t compute in his brain. Maybe he’s just an idiot, and all of these sessions are just for nothing.

“Matt, why don’t you have a girlfriend?”

He’s so caught off guard he nearly draws a line across his whole paper, but he stops himself at the last second. It makes this God-awful screeching sound, and it instantly gives him a headache. He can feel his ears burning. “What?”

She rolls her eyes at him. He’s never found anything more endearing. “I know you heard me, idiot, or you wouldn’t have freaked out like that. I’m serious, I know a lot of girls like you, so why don’t you go after one of them?”

He knows his face is getting red. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve just never thought about it,” he answers.

“I’ll set you up with somebody.”

Nope. Not happening. Not now, not ever. “No, Emily, you really don’t need to do that–”

“I know for a fact that Jess thinks you're cute. She said that your ass always looks nice in your uniform.”

Gross. “Emily!”

“Keep your voice down, stupid, we’re still in a library,” she snides, hushing him.

He won’t let her get away with this. He’s not going to go on a stupid date with Jess, while he watches Mike do absolutely nothing and Emily fawns over him anyway. It’s repulsive, how little Mike cares about her.

He leans closer to her, leaning on his elbows on the table. “Emily, do not set me up with anyone, do you understand–”

She pulls out her phone, her fingers tapping away. “Too late. You and Jess will be going on a double date with Mike and I on Friday.”

Like hell he is. “Emily, I’m not going on that date.”

“Like hell you are. And besides, Jess always double dates with Mike and I. You’re not the first, and you certainly won’t be the last.”

Like that’s supposed to make him feel any better.

“Why are you even going to set Jess up with me if you know she won’t commit?”

Emily looks at him through her lashes. She still looks captivating to him, even when she doesn’t try. Even though she doesn’t give a crap what she looks like to him. “At least you might be able to catch a feel. Don’t let her size fool you, she’s still a D cup.”

He doesn’t argue with her. It would be pointless for him to try and get out of it; once Emily puts her mind to something she’s not going to let go.

______________________

So when Friday comes, he knows what he has to do.

He thought about feigning sickness, but he figured that Emily would tell him to stop being a wuss or she’s going to go to his house herself and force him on that date. So he tells Jess that he’s going to pick her up at seven, even when it means that he has to leave thirty minutes earlier because she lives on the other side of town.

He exhales harshly. All because of Emily.

Seven o’clock comes, and Matt is parked outside Jess’ house, and she’s not answering to his texts. Maybe he can leave after waiting fifteen minutes like when the teacher doesn’t show up at school.

But it’s seven-fourteen, to be exact, and Jess opens the door and practically skips to his car. He doesn’t think she means to make it seem so kid-like, but she’s just so in her own little world where she belittles others and makes fun of their clothes that she couldn’t care less how other people would view her.

They drive to the movies, and Jess tells him how ugly this girl’s jeans looked and don’t even get me started on that top, and that the cafeteria food was probably made from horse-meat, and that her boobs have been sore these past couple days.

By the time they pull into the parking lot Matt is white-knuckling the steering wheel, overstimulated by Jess’ obnoxious voice and unnecessary comments. He can feel a migraine forming, and the last thing he wants to do is sit through a stupid horror movie that has no other purpose than an easy cash-grab.

They arrive on time, but in Emily’s opinion, late to the movies, and she and Mike are already at the counter getting their tickets. He knows Emily hates it when she misses the previews even though they’re the same ones they see on commercial breaks every time she turns on the tv, but he’s not going to question it.

Jess practically squeals when she sees Emily and Mike, even though she had seen them five hours ago when school got out. Mike greets her happily but Emily is too busy talking to the guy at the counter.

“Good. You guys made it on time. Now I don’t have to pay for you,” Mike says when they cut the line to meet them.

“Can you split that in half? Thanks.”

“Mike, you have to hear what happened today in English,” Jess says, putting her hand on his bicep.

“Oh boy,” Mike replies, but he says it much more fondly than Matt expected him to be.

She drones on about this guy cracking his voice while popcorn reading Hamlet, and Matt is sure that if he listens to Jess talk one more time his brain is going to combust.

Emily swats at Mike’s arm to get his credit card out, and he doesn’t even glance once at her while doing so; he’s too lost into Jess’ story to pay his girlfriend any mind. Matt nearly scoffs, but he knows that will get Emily’s attention and he really doesn’t need her to get mad at him, so he keeps the remark to himself.

It’s Matt’s turn to pay, so he takes it upon himself to pay for him and Jess, taking the opportunity to talk to Emily without Mike paying attention to them. He steps closer to her, too close for just a normal conversation, but he takes advantage of the situation.

“You can’t possibly expect me to sit in a quiet theater while she talks my ear off the whole time, right?”

She gives him a side glance. “Get over it Matt. I got you a date, you’re welcome.”

She takes the four tickets from the cashier, and turns away from him.

“I didn’t even want to go on this date anyways,” he mumbles under his breath before he takes a deep breath and follows her, Mike and Jess trailing behind them.

They walk to their seats, and sit down with Jess and Emily sitting next to each other, and the two boys on the outside of them.

Jess whispers something to Emily that he can’t quite make out, but Emily shushes her and motions to talk to Matt instead. Jess rolls her eyes but turns to him, and begins talking his ear off. The movie hasn’t even started.

He pushes through the previews as Jess rambles on about how hot that actor is and how that actress isn’t even that pretty, and he’s never been happier when the movie starts.

He’s only half paying attention to the film, mostly letting the dialogue blur into the background as he zones off and tries not to fall asleep. He nods at all of the right times when Jess looks at him pointedly, and occasionally says “yeah” or “mhm” when she asks what he thinks.

What he thinks, is that he would much rather be sitting next to Emily than her.

They reach the climax of the movies as the main protagonist walks through the dark woods, with eerie music playing and that strange note in the background that’s supposed to induce anxiety.

He looks over at Emily, just to get a quick look. Just one that he would barely move his head so no one would notice that he’s staring at her. But he watches as her breathing grows labored and her eyes flicker shut, and he’s just about to ask her if she’s okay when she stands up and practically runs out of the theater.

“What’s wrong with her?” Jess asks Mike, but she sounds more judgmental than she is concerned.

Mike shrugs, and Jess rolls her eyes. He verbally berates them in his head, but Matt’s never been the outspoken type.

He looks at the movie screen, trying to figure out why she might’ve freaked out over it. The jumpscares haven’t even been that bad, so it doesn’t make sense to him.

He actually tries to pay attention to the movie, when it clicks in his head. The girl, a brunette with pale skin and wide eyes, looks vaguely like Hannah.

He sighs. He knows that Emily still blames herself for Hannah’s death, even though she tries so hard to make it look like it doesn’t affect her.

But once upon a time, before Jess, before Mike, Hannah was Emily’s best friend. Before Emily got contacts and when Matt sat right behind her in US history. Back when he was scrawny and barely got five minutes of playing time on the field.

Emily and Hannah were close friends, constantly talking before class started and comparing answers during assignments, until Emily was tired of being known as the smart, nerdy girl, and changed her entire being.

He leans over to Jess. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick, I’ll be back in a sec.”

Jess waves him off, not really caring, and Matt springs to his feet without a second thought, equally not caring about what Jess might think.

He waits by the girl’s bathroom, because that’s just where he assumes she is, unless she decides to hotwire Mike’s car and hightail it out of here.

He waits, and waits, and waits, and he’s about to think it’s a hopeless cause when Emily rushes out, waving in front of her face to cool her down and not even seeing him.

She bumps into him, looking up through her puffy red eyes. “Matt, what are you doing?”

He shrugs. “You didn’t look so good. I wanted to check up on you.”

“So you’re saying I look ugly,” she scoffs, brushing past him and not even bothering to look behind her.

He jogs after her to keep up. He wonders when the day will come that he’s tired of chasing after her, tired of constantly waiting for her to notice that he’s been here all this time. “I didn’t say that, Em. You always know you look beautiful.”

She scoffs. Damn, can she walk fast.

“I could see that you were upset. I wanted to check on you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m fine. You’re welcome.”

“Come on, Emily,” he says, tugging on her wrist and pulling her back to face him. “You know you can tell me anything, right? Even the things that make you upset?”

She practically spits in his face. “You’re not my boyfriend, Matt. I’m fine.”

He rubs a hand over his face. He knows that she’s upset, and she’s just taking it out on him, but damn, does she really have to point that out to him?

She yanks her arm away from him, and storms back to the theater. Matt no longer tries to keep up with her, it’s no use. He waits a moment before following her inside, expecting her to already be sitting down and acting like nothing is wrong.

Except, she’s not. She’s hovering by the railway, staring at their seats when Matt walks up behind her. And then, he sees it.

Jess moved spots, sitting beside Mike in Emily’s seat, rather than staying in her own. She’s talking to him, not even looking at the movie or the other viewers in the theater, just continuing along with her conversation as if they’re the only two people in the room. Mike, for his part, isn’t paying attention to the movie either, which is bullshit, because Emily had told him one time how Mike hates it when she talks when they’re watching a movie.

“You don’t think that’s weird?” He whispers.

She hesitates for a moment. “No.”

But before Matt can get another response in, she walks back to their seats, Jess whispering one last thing in Mike’s ear before returning to her original spot, and Emily sitting in between them.

“What were you guys talking about?” he hears Emily whisper to Jess as he sits down on the end again.

Jess just waves her off. “Oh, you know, just school stuff. Nothing important.”

The movie finishes even though Matt didn’t process a single second of it, not really caring about the movie at all. Mike and Emily head on out while Jess gives him a sort of look that he knows means he’s not done for the night. So, he offers to take her to a cheap diner three minutes away from the theater, just to prolong the time when she pounces on him in the car.

They pull into the diner, and seat themselves in a booth in the corner of the restaurant. He’s secretly pleased with himself when the waitress gives him a once over. At least the varsity jacket is working for him.

Jess scoffs when he orders a burger and fries, which is a perfectly normal thing to get at a diner so he doesn’t know why she made or seem like he was crazy, and then orders a chicken finger pita wrap. Honestly, who orders that shit?

She sips on her Diet Coke and playing with the straw wrapper when she tells him, “I think Mike and Emily are gonna break up soon.”

He coughs on his lemonade. “I’m sorry, what?”

Jess nods. “Yeah, I think they’ve been having a lot of problems. Mike doesn’t seem that interested anymore. And I don’t even know if Emily ever really liked him.”

Matt refuses to let that spark of hope get to him. “Did Emily tell you this? Or Mike?”

“No, just my observation. But I’m usually always right.”

His eye nearly twitches when she says that. Because that’s something that Emily always says. The two rules that she has in life. Jess possibly can’t be stealing that from Emily, can she?

They get their food and thankfully, Jess is too busy stuffing her face to try and talk to him. They still talk about small things, like next Friday’s game and what the theme is for the student section even though neither of them participate.

He pays for her meal, and throws a couple bills on the table for the waitress and head out.

When they make it to the car again, Matt only has enough time to close the door when Jess lunges forward, halfway off her seat to pull Matt into a kiss. He stumbles at first, knowing that it was going to happen but didn’t realize that it meant right now, and he prays that he recovered quickly enough and she didn’t notice.

They makeout for a bit, and at some point she ends up on his lap, and while he’s not really complaining, all he can think of is that he wishes that it was someone else on his lap instead. Jess pulls away, dragging his lip with her as she goes, and she starts undoing the zipper of his jeans.

“Woah, woah,” Matt says, pulling her hands away from his fly.

She frowns. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? What’s–”

She’s still looking at him confused.

“Jess, I’m not just going to fuck you in a diner parking lot.”

“So? Who cares?”

“I care. Jess, look, you’re a really nice girl, and I had a good time with you, but I think it’s best if I just drive you home.”

Her face hardens. “If you don’t want to sleep with me just say it Matt.”

“I never said that Jess, I’m just saying that I don’t want to have sex with you in a parking lot!”

“Are you a virgin or something?”

Matt scoffs as he puts his seatbelt on and shifts gears. “No. I’m not.”

“Yeah, sure.”

He doesn’t dignify her with a response. But Matt’s telling the truth; he’s not a virgin. He had a girlfriend, freshman year of high school. They dated for about nine months and by the time it was their three month anniversary they decided to do it. Of course, they didn’t know what they were doing, and Matt finished embarrassingly fast while she didn’t finish at all. But by the time they broke up they had gotten better.

And then Matt hasn’t fucked a girl since, all because he’s too busy pining over Emily Davis. She’s cockblocking him and she doesn’t even know it.

He drives Jess back home and it’s the most awkward, silent, and stilted car he’s ever been in. He practically sighs in relief when Jess gets out of the car and slams the door shut. He still makes sure she gets into the house okay, because he’s not a monster, and he feels a little bad when she drops her keys, most likely out of embarrassment. She turns back around to see if he was watching, so Matt pretends to be on his phone until she closes the door. And then Matt drives home.

_________________

Jess doesn’t text him to hangout again. Matt’s not complaining.

On Tuesday, Matt and Emily are in the back of the library again, as Emily explains to him how to plug the equations onto his calculator so he can see the graphs. Except, Matt can’t even think about whatever the hell Emily is trying to do because all he can think about is Jess’s words repeating in his head.

“I think Jess has a crush on Mike.”

Emily glares at him. “Oh really, genius, what makes you think that?”

“You saw her at the movies when we were both gone. And you don’t even know what she was telling him. Besides, when we went out to eat, all she could tell me was that she thinks that you two might break up soon.”

“Me and Mike are perfectly fine. And we’re definitely not going to break up,” Emily snaps.

“I’m just telling you, Em.”

“Well you're wrong. Because if Jess likes Mike, then everything that we did last year to Hannah was for nothing. And Jess only did it because she was selfish, not because she was being a good friend.”

“It’s possible that she could’ve done it for both reasons.”

“No. There had to be a reason for Hannah and Beth to die. It was bad luck, but it happened because Jess wanted to preserve mine and Mike’s relationship.”

He thinks he might lose his mind. How can she not see how terrible of a friend Jess is? Or that Mike’s attention has been wavering for quite some time now? Is she that hopelessly in love with him that she’s just to blind to see what’s happening right in front of her face?

Come to think of it, he’s not even sure if Emily and Mike have ever said I love you to each other. He’s never heard them say it, at least. They’ve been dating for a year now, one would think that they would say it so often Matt would be sick of it. But they haven’t, and now Matt’s questioning how much they actually care for each other.

“God, Em, do you even like Mike? I haven’t even heard a real good reason why you’re in love with him.”

“We couldn’t have gone through all of that just for nothing,” Emily says cruelly, packing up her things in her backpack.

Is this really just because of Hannah and Beth? Is it because Emily feels so guilty for what happened, because of her (even though Jess is the one to come up with the idea) that she felt pressured to stay with Mike? That if her and Mike broke up, everything that happened that night would’ve been for nothing?

“Em, I’m sorry, okay? We don’t need to talk about it–”

“No, Matt. I’m done. I’m done tutoring you,” she says as she walks away from him.

_____________________

She doesn’t tutor him for two weeks.

Matt pays off a smart freshman to help tutor him, and while it gets him to keep a good grade for the homecoming game, he’s left in a horrible mood that doesn’t seem to end. Thankfully, when the game comes, he doesn’t play terribly and they end up scrounging up a win.

At homecoming, he goes with Sam and Ashley. Mike, Jess, and Emily decided to go with their other, more popular, friends.

He watches as Mike gets crowned king and Jess wins homecoming queen. He watches Emily across the gym, still clapping with a smile on her face, but he knows that she’s faking it. Because she knows at this moment that she lost Mike.

Matt is, of course, sad for her, but he can’t say that he’s particularly upset that they’re going to break up.

He finds out a week later that Mike dumped Emily, because he walks into school that morning holding hands with Jess.

Tuesday morning, Emily texts him if he wants her to help him study after school.

He leaves her on delivered for two minutes when he texts her back yes.

__________________

On Saturday, his teammate, Eddie, texts in the groupchat inviting some people over for a small hangout. Eddie says that everyone’s bringing their girlfriends and that he doesn’t want it to be a party because his parents will be home.

Well, Matt doesn’t want to be the only single one. He would rather be stuck in a car with Jess again then let that happen. He could text Emily, since he knows that she’s been at home avoiding everyone ever since Mike dumped her. There’s a high chance that she would chew him out for inviting her. He knows that she would think it’s a pity invite.

But she doesn’t know that he’s been waiting months for an opportunity like this.

He sends the text. What are you doing right now?

He stares at his phone, waiting for the three dots to show.
They do, moving before his eyes, teasing him with whatever she might say in response.

Then, they disappear.

He feels hopeless for a moment, deciding to swipe out, when the dots appear and she sends him a quick response.

Emily: Homework.

He chuckles to himself. Of course she would take that long just for a one word answer. Some of the guys wanted to hangout, but they all brought their girlfriends. Wanna come with? I can pick you up.

Emily: Why would I want to do that?

You would rather do homework than hangout?

She doesn’t answer. He knows that she’s purposely leaving him on delivered, and that she’s most likely watching Real Housewives. So he decides to text her again. I know you need a lot of time to get ready. I’ll pick you up in an hour. Send your address.

He keeps their chat open. He watches as Emily types something and deletes it, and types again but doesn’t send, and does it for a third time.

Then, the dots appear again. It’s her address.

For his part, he doesn’t have to get ready. All he needs to do is put on his shoes and grab his keys, and he’s good. But he knows that Emily needs time to get ready, time to pick her outfit and decide what necklace to wear.

Speaking of which, he sends another text. We’re watching a movie, but the guys bought a few packs of beer and hard lemonades for the girls.

He makes dinner for his mom, who’s still at work, and makes sure that Addy is ready for her sleepover at her friend's house. They get into the car, making sure that the stove is off and that they lock the door, and he drops her off at her friend’s, about halfway to Emily’s house.

He looks at the time. About fifteen minutes until he’s supposed to pick up Emily, and twenty-five minutes away from her house. So, he hightails it out of Addy’s friend’s driveway, and makes sure to speed through every yellow light. Emily would kill him if he was late.

He pulls into her house with two minutes to spare, and casually waits until it’s exactly ten o’clock, and then sends the text that he’s here.

She comes out of the house not even a minute later, her jacket unzipped and her purse not quite on her shoulder. She opens the car door hastily, and he realizes that this is the first time he and Emily are in a car together. Just the two of them.

“Hey,” she says, and somehow, those words are enough to give him butterflies.

He wants to sound casual. He also wants to sound cool. “Hey. Good job, you got ready in time.”

She slaps his arm. The skin burns where she touched him. “Shut up.”

He reaches the end of her neighborhood, glancing at her for a moment before switching on his blinker and turning out of the street. “You look good.”

“I know.”

He laughs. “You really don’t have any insecurities with your appearance, do you?”

She sticks her nose up in the air and crosses her arms. “Am I supposed to?”

OKaym, now she’s annoyed with him. That’s the last thing that he needs to happen. Not when he’s supposed to spend the whole night obeying her every wish, watching her every move. “No. Yes. It’s okay if you do, I was just making a dumb joke.”

They fall into awkward silence, but the song he’s playing is one of his favorites, so it comforts him as he tries to think of something else to say.

They pull into Eddie’s house, when Emily asks the question that he knows she’s been dying to ask.

“Why did you invite me, anyway?”

They unbuckle and get out of the car as Matt tries to think of an answer that wouldn’t piss her off. “Sam told me you’ve been ignoring her. Ashley too, for that matter. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t lonely.”

“I’m not lonely,” she retorts.

“Fine,” he says as they head to the front door. “I knew you would be alone. Better?”

She’s about to say another snarky comment when Matt holds his hand out, stopping her. He knows that Emily is looking for a fight, and he wonders how often she would try to do this with Mike. Although, Mike probably gave her many reasons to pick a fight. “Don’t look into it, okay? Maybe I wanted to not be alone either.”

He opens the door without knocking, the guys cheer and stand up to slap him on the back. He says his heys and what’s up, and hopes that Emily doesn’t feel out of place.

He turns to her. “I’m gonna grab us some drinks, okay?”

She nods, so he goes into the kitchen to grab the drinks from the fridge, and when get walks into the living room Emily is sitting in front of the coffee table, with a blanket lying over her legs. She lifts the blanket up so he can get under as well, while the rest of his friends argue over what movie to watch.

No one seems to agree on anything so they settle on some Disney Movie that came out when they were just slightly too old to watch when it had originally came out. Except, Matt had already seen this movie before, because Addy and her friends had watched it once when he was babysitting. And to be honest, the movie is actually pretty good.

He points stuff out to her, like the voice actor for the villain and did you know how long it took to animate this scene? He wonders if she’s annoyed by it, but he can’t help himself.

Towards the end of the movie, Emily shifts herself so she’s leaning her head on Matt’s shoulder. He freezes, and hopes that she doesn’t notice. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. Should he touch her? Should he say something?

He decides to do nothing at all. He doesn't want to make anything weird.

The movie ends, and they don’t stay for very long. He has to wake up early the next morning to pick Addy up, and he’s afraid that if he stays up too late then he’ll sleep through his alarms.

The car ride is silent again until Matt pulls into her driveway. He resists tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to help calm him down. “So? Did you have a good time?”

Emily unbuckles her seatbelt. “Yeah, I think I did?”

He wants to laugh, but he’s afraid that she’ll go off on him again. “You think you did?”

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.”

“Well I’m glad that I didn’t completely ruin Emily Davis’ night.”

She closes the door. “Goodnight, Matt.”

“Goodnight Emily.”

__________________

After that night at Eddie’s house, everything changes. Emily and Matt talk nearly all the time now. It’s guaranteed that when he opens his phone after his two hour practice, there will be at least five texts from Emily that he has to answer.

He was nervous at first, to text her. He didn’t know if she would ignore him or flat out ask why he’s even texting her. So, he starts off by sending her a question to his English homework, even though he already knows the answer. When she replies and says that if he asks her to help him with his homework one more time out of tutoring hours, then she’s going to block his number. And Matt knows that he’s in. So, he sends a picture of his dog.

They texts come more frequently, from her sending him screenshots of which bag she should get to him sending mirror pictures when he’s at the gym, to them watching a show at the same time and texting each other their commentary.

He almost thought this was a very long dream, or that he was in a coma or something. But it’s not. Him and Emily are texting.

The following Tuesday, she’s not tutoring him this time, and instead they decided to skip their study session to get frozen yogurt instead, because Emily doesn’t eat ice cream.

He’s had fro-yo before, but he tries not to go too often because his total is always ridiculously expensive. But that’s probably because he gets one of every topping and a different flavor every time he visits.

When he gets to the cheesecake pieces and cookie dough bites, he finally notices her staring. “What? You have to get every topping.”

She scoops into the strawberry boba and places it on the side of her dole whip fro-yo. “Not if you don’t like peanut butter or chocolate.”

Matt freezes. “You don’t like chocolate or peanut butter?”

She scoops some mochi into her bowl. “I just said that, didn’t I?”

“I had to make sure if I was hearing you correctly, because what you just said was so preposterous. What do you mean you don’t like peanut butter or chocolate?”

“It’s too sweet,” she shrugs, walking over to the register and placing the cup on the weigh station. He follows her; he always seems to be following her.

“What? What does that even mean?”

She rolls her eyes at him. “It means, Matthew, that I don’t want cavities and super sweet things make my stomach hurt. I also hate frosting.”

He makes a face at her, and feels his ego boost when he sees that she’s trying not to laugh. She reaches in her purse for her card but Matt beats her to it by slapping her hand away and putting his cup on the weigh station, his card already in his hand. She makes a sound of protest but he doesn’t glance at her when the cashier gives out the total and he swipes his card. Matt shakes his head when the cashier asks him if he wants his receipt, and the two sit down at one of the two person tables.

“I can pay for my own stuff, you know,” she says, only getting a small spoonful on her fro-yo.

Matt shoves a heaping spoonful into his mouth, shrugging. “Don’t–”

“Look into it, I know,” Emily says, rolling her eyes at him and scooping another spoonful of her fro-yo.

_______________

Two days later, they decide to make up for their laziness on Tuesday, even though Matt doesn’t have a test until two weeks from now. But they’re in the back of the library, Matt’s homework on the table, even though they haven’t looked at it for even a second.

“How have you never watched Legally Blonde?”

Matt gives her a look. “I’m a boy, why would I watch Legally Blonde?”

“Josh has watched it.”

“Josh had two sisters a year younger than him. My little sister is only eight, she hasn’t reached that stage yet.”

Emily huffs dramatically. “You need to watch it.”

Perfect opportunity. “Well I’m not gonna watch it unless you force me. If you’re going to make me watch it alone then I’m never going to.”

“Okay, what are you doing Friday?”

Matt lets out a small laugh. Of course she wouldn’t know that he’s still playing, or that the football team is actually really good this year. “Football game. Like every Friday since school has started.”

Emily frowns. “That thing is still going on?”

“We made it to the playoffs.”

“Oh. Good job.”

“Well,” Matt says, clearing his throat. “How about this. It’s a home game tomorrow, so why don’t you come and then after the game we can go to my house and watch Legally Blonde?”

She looks at him, hesitant and unsure. But he knows that she just needs a push. “I don’t know…”

“Sam and Ashley told me they were going. And Chris is visiting his mom this weekend, so he said he’s gonna swing by too. They won’t sit in the student section, you know Chris hates that kind of thing. They’ll be far away from certain people.”

He doesn’t have to say who Emily is avoiding. He knows it, and she knows it.

“Fine, I’ll go.”

She doesn’t know how he was able to convince her so easily. But when Friday comes, he sees her at the very top row of the stands, on the opposite side of the student section. She’s sitting with Sam, Ashley, and Chris, so at least he was able to convince her to do that. But he’s still surprised that she ended up coming at all.

They win the game. Matt’s positive that this is the best he’s played in years. A perfect game. He doesn’t need to wonder how he performed so perfectly today.

He wishes that he could just leave with Emily right away, but he’s captain and he has to give his post-game speech, and then Coach has to give his. He feels bad when Emily ends up waiting for over half an hour, and he practically sprints out of that locker room to meet her.

She’s leaning against his car, observing her manicure, and she looks like she belongs there. She looks up when she hears him coming, and he has to stop himself from smiling too hard.

“I’m going to need to take a shower first, and then we can watch. Is that fine?”

He unlocks the car and the two get in, her nostrils flaring from his stench. “Yes, please.”

The drive home is still quiet, but Matt doesn’t feel pressured to fill the silence. The drive to his house is considerably longer than it would be to Emily’s, and he wonders what she might think of the size of his home. It’s not like he’s exactly living in a mansion.

He pulls into his driveway, waiting for Emily to get out of the car and follow him inside. When he opens the door he yells out in greeting, to his sister on the couch and his mother in the kitchen.

“Mom, we’re home!”

She turns around, still stirring whatever is in the pot. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the game, you know how work is.”

Matt just waves her off, and gives her a kiss on the cheek, and signals to Emily. “Mom, this is Emily.”

She waves at his mom, considerably more nervous than she usually seems. “Hi.”

“Hey, sweetie. Nice to meet you. You hungry?”

Emily’s about to shake her head and say no, when Matt looks at her with wide eyes and subtly shakes his head. “Uh, yeah, I am. Sure.”

He gives her a thumbs up, and walks back over to the living room, taking only two steps moving in between rooms. “Emily, this is my sister, Addy.”

“Nice to meet you, Addy,” Emily says.

The girl blushes. “You look pretty.”

“Thank you.”

Matt walks back up to her, stepping behind her and helping her with her coat. “Sorry about that. You can take your shoes off too. Make yourself at home. I’m just going to take a shower, I’ll be done super quick.”

He’s nervous when he walks upstairs, leaving her to fend for herself against his mom and Addy. But Matt knows he smells really terrible, and there’s no way that Emily would even consider getting near him if he didn’t shower.

It’s the quickest shower of his life, and truthfully, he spends more time deciding what to wear. He wants to make sure he looks good, but he doesn’t want to seem like he tried too hard. So he wears a simple tight fitting t-shirt he usually wears when he works out, and a pair of sweatpants that girls always seem to like.

When he gets downstairs Emile doesn’t seem as frazzled as she was when they first arrived, and they sit down at the table and pray. He probably should’ve told Emiy about that part, since he doesn’t think she’s very religious, but she doesn’t say anything and he takes a peek at her to see her eyes closed and her hands clasped together.

They eat, and his mom asks Emily more questions. What her parents do, where she wants to go to college, what she’s thinking of majoring in. Addy asks Emily some questions and Matt’s mom tells an embarrassing story of Matt when he was playing little league football that he’s incredibly embarrassed at but it manages to get Emily to laugh.

When they’re done eating, Emily helps clean up, and she and Matt end up on the couch when they’re done, setting the movie up. He can’t help but think about how much she seemed to belong here, at his house with his family. His mom likes her too; he doesn’t have to ask to know that she approves.

They share a blanket, with Matt laying on the arm rest and Emily more towards the center of the couch. His arm is up against the back of the couch and he hopes that she doesn’t get the wrong idea, but putting his arm there is better than having it lay limp beside him.

Emily’s excited to watch the movie, explaining to him that the bend and snap was improv and that Elle’s ex-boyfriend is also in the Vampire Diaries. But halfway through the movie, she grows more quiet and he can see her starting to yawn.

Emily ends up falling asleep. She’s resting her head on his shoulder and she’s curled up against his body. He’s lucky that he hasn’t woken her up yet, since he’s practically shaking with happiness.

When the credits come, he gently pries himself away from her so she doesn’t feel embarrassed when she wakes up. She blinks wearily at him.

“I gotta get you home, alright?”

She nods, too tired to speak, and Matt grabs her shoes and her jacket and brings it over to the couch. He practically leads her out the door, and drives nearly thirty minutes to get her home.

When they arrive, he knows that they probably won’t talk for long, so he keeps the car running. She gets out of the car, but before fully closing the door, she tells Matt, “text me when you get home.”

He tries not to look into it that much. She shuts the door and walks to her house without looking back. Matt doesn’t pull out of the driveway until she steps inside the house.

_________________

They hangout after school a lot more after that, either at Emily’s or Matt’s, it doesn’t really matter anymore. They no longer study in the library, but at one of their houses after Matt has football practice, and they stay around way longer even after Matt finishes up all his work. They alternate between movies the other person hasn’t seen, and today they’re watching the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man movies, that Matt insists Emily watch before she watches the Andrew Garfield ones.
They watch the iconic kiss, the one where Tobey is hanging upside down from his webs and Mary Jane pulls down his mask only just enough to uncover his mouth. It’s raining, and she kisses him even though she doesn’t truly know who he is, and then she rolls the mask back up.

“That was so romantic,” Emily swoons.

“You know, when they were filming this scene Tobey got water in his nose and it was like one of the most uncomfortable kisses he’s ever done in his career,” Matt informs her.

“Way to ruin it.”

“I didn’t mean to!”

“I would love to do that one day. You know, something romantic like that.”

He frowns, but she’s not looking at him. “You and Mike never did romantic things?”

“No, not really. I just assumed that Mike wasn’t really the romantic type. I guess I didn’t care that much.”

He’s appalled by her answers. It’s like she doesn’t even know who she is. This is the girl that goes to the Botega every week; she’s the type to want those random romantic gestures. “Every girl cares about romance,” Matt says. “I know you’re the type of girl to want a bouquet of flowers for no apparent reason.”

She is, but she doesn’t want to inflate his ego. “I guess.”

“Well what about you?” Emily asks. “Do you want romance?”

It’s an obvious way to get the attention off of her, but Matt takes the bait. He wants her to see that he could be the perfect boyfriend. “Oh course I do. I want the whole thing. Love confession, a passionate kiss, sex after, preferably.”

Of course, the last thing was just a joke, but it manages to get a reaction out of her.

She hits him on his shoulder. “Gross.”

They fall into a comfortable silence, with the sounds of Tobey through New York running through the background. He can feel her eyes on him and he turns his head to look at her. She’s beautiful and difficult and everything that Matt has ever wanted. He can feel his usual lighthearted expression into something more serious, and Emily’s breath hitches as Matt leans in closer and—

Emily’s phone rings.

She practically springs apart from him, jumping across to the other side of the couch where her phone was charging on the side table. She answers it quickly. She’s talking to whoever is on the phone, but Matt’s mind is still reeling that he’s hardly paying attention. She hangs up.

“It’s Ashley. Her car got a flat tire and she needs someone to pick her up.”

So Matt and Emily put their shoes on and head out the door, leaving whatever was going to happen back in the living room with Tobey Maguire.

_________________

He knows he can do this.

He had never thought that this day would come; he thought he would have to resign himself to being Mike’s groomsmen watching as he kisses Emily at their wedding. But Mike fucked up, and Matt’s here to collect the pieces.

He never thought that there was a possibility that Emily could like him back. But after that night when they were watching Spider-Man, he knows that it’s a possibility. A possibility that Emily could like him back, that he could finally get the balls to admit his feelings for her.

He decides to just blurt it out so he doesn’t overthink about it too much. “Hey, Em?”

She looks over at him. He suddenly feels nervous, because the look on her face makes him feel uneasy, but he powers through.

“I like you, Em. I’ve liked you before Mike ever noticed you. I’ve liked you for years now, ever since you wore your hair in a braid and had those thick glasses. And I just feel like, these past few weeks you might feel the same.”

She stares at him, and Matt thinks that he hallucinated saying anything at all, when she opens her mouth, and closes it again. He doesn’t even want to hear a response anymore. He knows that she’s going to say. He’s such an idiot.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I think you’re an amazing guy, I really do.”

He almost wants to laugh. He’s an amazing guy, but he’s still not good enough? “Then what’s the problem?”

“I still have feelings for Mike.”

He should’ve known. He should never have underestimated Emily’s love for Mike, the guy that got with her best friend and dumped her, the guy that never really paid attention to her, that never understood her. Somehow, at the end of all of this, he’s still losing to Mike. To a guy that doesn’t even have a stake in this. He scoffs and he stands up. He can’t take this, he refuses to.

“Matt…” She says, standing up and trying to put a hand on his arm.

He jerks his shoulder so her hand falls. “No, don’t ‘Matt’ me.”

“Look–”

“No, Em. Come on, you know better than that. You know that Mike is too good for you. You know that what he did was a shitty thing, and he doesn’t deserve your time.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Em, I have wanted you for years now. And I know that you don’t owe me anything, and that I don’t have any claim on you, but I know you like me too. I know you feel something for me.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t. I was just using you to get over Mike.”

Yeah, he should’ve known. Why else would she give him the time of day? It’s not like she ever paid attention to him before. It’s not like she had any reason to. Even in their freshman year, she didn’t give him the time of day.

He had watched her, freshman year in their honors history class, as she sat in front of him and sat in between Hannah and Sam. His varsity jacket was way too big for him, since his mom had wanted him to grow into it so they didn’t have to buy a new one later on.

He watched her, every day for a year. Watched as her hair grew longer and she got her braces off, watched as she got closer to Sam and Hannah. He watched her as she grew into the person he knows now.

He thinks he’s tired of watching her.

Matt runs a hand over his face. “Okay.”

She looks at him expectantly. “Okay, what?”

“I think I need space from you. Just for a while.”

“What about trig?” She looks so concerned for him; it makes him want to laugh.

“This hasn’t been about math in a long time, Em. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay.”

He grabs his letterman jacket and puts his shoes on, and just like that, he’s gone.

__________________

Matt goes on a date a few days later. One of his teammates sets him up with a girl on the cheer team. The date is fine; she’s very nice and pretty, but she’s not who he wants. He wants someone stubborn and a know-it-all, and way better than him.

So he doesn’t text her back when she asks for a follow up.

It’s the semifinals championship, and early November, so Matt’s still cold as hell even when he’s been playing for three whole quarters. He’s playing average at best, but his defensive line is putting their all into this game, so they’re not winning by a lot. Matt just needs at least two touchdowns to win.

He receives the ball and dodges the other players, running straight to the endzone. He throws the ball to the ground in celebration, his teammates jumping on him, and he looks to the stands. And that’s when he sees her.

She’s sitting down despite everyone else in the ground out of their seats and cheering, but she still has a smile on her face. She’s wearing a thick sweater and a puffy vest with leggings and her boots, and is sitting at the very top row under the press box with a hot chocolate in her hands.

She’s beautiful and everything he’s ever wanted, and yet, he still can’t have her.

She’s never been his to have, anyway.

Now that he knows that she’s here, he plays with a new sense of vigor in him. He can feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins, the energy feeding off of the rest of his teammates.

When he scores another touchdown in the last twelve seconds of the clock, winning the semifinals, he knows who pushed him to do that.

And she doesn’t even know it.

___________________

In celebration of winning the semifinals, Matt’s teammates throw a party. A real, actual fucking party with a keg stand they begged their neighbors to use and a loud ass stereo and tons and tons of booze.

Mike and Jess are there, and it’s weird seeing them, together like they didn’t just betray one of their closest friends just to hook up. He doesn’t even think they’re officially together.

But they’re some of the only people that Matt truly talks to, one of the only people that knows what it was like on that mountain the day their friends died. He’s strangely comforted by the fact that they’re here.

Matt wonders if he should try to avoid them, or act like they haven’t been friends since sophomore year, but Mike spots him and drags Jess to come up with him. He’s at least glad that Mike made the decision for everyone else.

Matt tries not to act weird. “Hey, what’s up man?”

Mike removes his arm from Jess but makes sure to keep his hand on his beer, and slaps Matt on the back. “Not doing too bad. Bet I could say the same for you, leading the team to the championship.”

“Well, we’re not done yet.”

“Just don’t make sure you lose, I only have a couple more games where I can keep my uniform,” Jess says, laughing a little too loudly for Matt’s liking.

They end up talking about everything and nothing, avoiding conversations that would be too hard to swallow. They avoid talking about Beth, or Hannah, or Emily, and even the rest of their friends are off limits. Mike and Jess don’t talk to the others much. They had never really been close with Sam or Ashley, and he doesn’t even know the last time they’ve talked to Chris and Josh. Come to think of it, they were really only friends because they were close with Emily.

Now look where it got them.

Jess gets increasingly drunk despite only finishing two seltzers. She’s a little more than tipsy when she gets someone to take a picture of them, and she sends it to Matt, as if Matt would ever post something like that.

Towards the end of the night when he safely evades Jess’ shrill laughs and Mike’s big ego, he feels a buzz on his pocket. When he looks to see who called him, he almost drops it in shock.

It’s Emily.

He stared too long at the phone that he let it go to voicemail. It’s only when he registers that he completely left her ringing on the other side, does he call back.

He puts the phone to his ear, and hears the words. This customer is unavailable.

She blocked his number.

He can feel his temper rising. He doesn’t answer her call after two minutes and she already has him blocked? As if he’s the one that did something wrong, did something to her? Why should he feel guilty when she’s the one that used him and led him on? Why should he feel bad?

He goes on instagram and posts the picture of him, Mike, and Jess on his story. He feels some satisfaction knowing that she’ll see it. Knowing that she’ll have a little taste of what he’s felt.

_________________

When morning comes and he sees that Emily views his story, he already regrets it.

The guilt starts to grow when he gets an email from Josh. He wants a reunion, with everyone that was at the Ski Lodge last winter break.

He thinks it’s a terrible idea. To be trapped in a cabin with Emily, to see her and watch her pine over Mike who has clearly moved on. To see Josh again, who he feels so guilty over, and be reminded that they had inadvertently killed his sisters the year prior.

Josh surely can’t expect them all to accept, can he?

He thought about saying no, he really did. But Sam texted him saying that he needs to be there because the only people that had confirmed so far were her and Chris. That she needed Matt there to be a neutral person for the shitshow that would happen if Emily and Jess both went on the trip and didn’t have enough people to keep them apart and distracted.

So he tells Josh yes, even though everything in his gut says no.

On a Tuesday night, he watches a movie with his sister trying to distract himself from the fact that he used to do this with Emily for weeks. He didn’t realize how much of a miracle it was to get her to hangout with him. He had taken it for granted, forgotten what it was like to not be noticed by Emily Davis, and when the idolization had fallen away and he began to see Emily as a real person, he had to go and ruin everything.

His phone buzzes on the table next to him, and he wiggles around to try and not disturb his sister, who had fallen asleep on his leg in the middle of the movie.

I’m coming over.

This must be some mistake, right? Because there is no possible way that Emily had unblocked his number and texted him this out of the blue. There’s no way that she cared that much about him to do all of this. Her phone must be hacked or something.

He decides to call her. His fingers shake as he presses her number.

“What?”

He can hear the sound of the engine running. She’s already driving to his house. It wasn’t a part of his imagination.

“What do you mean you’re coming over?”

“I mean that I’m pulling out of my neighborhood and I’m driving to your house, duh.”

He’s dreaming, right? This is crazy; there’s no way Emily Davis wants to see him.

“Wait–”

“Are you home?”

He glances at his sister when she repositions her body away from him. “...Yes.”

“Good. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes,” is all she says, and she hangs up on him.

He gently picks up Addy to not disturb her, and carries her to her bedroom. He tucks her into bed and turns her nightlight on, and forces his hands to not shake. He’s undeniably nervous, but he can’t quite pinpoint why.

He has no idea what Emily could possibly want to say to him that required an in-person meeting and not something that could just be said over phone call or text.

He thinks about waiting for her inside his house, and she can text him when she’s arrived. But he hates the idea of her being in his house if it’s to break his heart another time. He hates the idea of being trapped in her car and forced to slam the door on her as she backs out of his driveway.

So he puts on a coat and his shoes, and decides to wait for her outside. To him, it just makes more sense. They won’t feel pressured by the confines of his house or her car. It’s just outside his house. He can do this.

He distracts himself by getting on his phone and scrolling through instagram, but it barely slows down his racing heart. He turns his phone off and rests his arms on his legs, hanging his head low. By the time he sees the headlights of her car pull into his driveway, he thinks his heart is going to burst from anxiety.

She’s here, and she’s in front of him.

“Matt.”

His head jerks up. “Em, what are you doing here?”

She’s standing in front of him, like she’s out of breath and tired when all she did was drive here. She looks like she has a thousand things to say and that her mind is moving too fast for the rest of her body.

“I lied. When I said that I didn’t have feelings for you, I lied. And I lied when I said that I was using you to get back at Mike, because the truth is, I haven’t thought about Mike in weeks. And I know I probably shouldn’t jump into a relationship so soon, but you have had this grip on me for so long, even longer than I think the both of us know, and I don’t even care. Because I like you, I really do, and I think you're sweet, and caring, and I want us to be more than friends.”

He needs to pinch himself. Because there’s no way that she just said that to him, right? There’s no way that she just confessed her feelings for him, that she did everything that he’s ever dreamed about.

Her face goes from desperation to something less assured. She’s losing confidence. “I mean, if you don’t like me anymore than that’s fine too.”

He doesn’t mean to, but he laughs at her. Actually laughs at her. Because there’s no way that Matt could ever possibly lose feelings for Emily. If he did, he would’ve made sure to be rid of those a long time ago, way before Emily and Mike ever started dating.

His laughs die down into soft chuckles as he rubs his hands on his thighs before standing up, only a few inches away from her face. He reaches out, slightly unsure, and Emily nods her head to let him know that he can touch her. He grabs ahold of her hands, rubbing his thumbs on the backside.

And he smiles at her.

“Emily Davis, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that.”

“Okay?”

He laughs at her again, a deep, guttural laugh, that causes him to throw his head back. “You are impossibly stubborn, and single minded. And sure, you’re not the easiest to get along with–”

“I’m not sure how this is supposed to be a love confession.”

“-- But I don’t care about any of that, because I’ve loved you for years now.”

She looks at him with wide eyes. “Do you mean that?”

He used to be scared of doing this, afraid that she might yell or punch him or something. But now, he doesn’t have to worry about her reaction.

He licks his lips, and grabs her face with his hands, pulling her towards him. Their lips touch, and he wants to show her all of the care and tenderness he’s felt for her all these years. He wants to show her how deep his devotion goes. His hands run down from her face to her beck, to her arms, to her waist, addicted to the feeling.

Her hands go up his chest, trying to feel the hard planes of his body through his shirt, and move to his strong arms, feeling the stability and self-assuredness he carries. He never thought the day would come. He never thought he could ever get her like him.

Matt pulls away from her, but only slightly, because they’re foreheads are still touching and she can feel his breath on her lips.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you, Em. No idea.”

He says this, but he thinks that she knows. He thinks she’s wanted him for a long time too. It just took her a little longer than they thought.