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What did it mean to like someone? To feel what books described as butterflies and an intense longing for another person? The human emotion that Cloud Retainer asked about every time she saw her human disciple return to the adepti abodes for some unexplainable reason?
Shenhe didn’t know, but she was trying.
It was all a foreign concept to her. She had been isolated from society for so much of her life that she was experiencing all of these unnamed sensations for the first time. She doesn’t know why she thinks the way she does towards that gambler lady who owned the teahouse, doesn’t know why that lady had spent so much time with her lately, showing her around the harbour on their little strolls together that happened every week.
Shenhe was trying.
“Ganyu, can you explain something to me?” Ganyu was the first person Shenhe had approached about her situation. Being another one of her master’s disciples, she thought that the Qixing secretary would have the clearest idea on how to deal with Shenhe’s issue.
And so she chose to pay Ganyu a visit at her apartment once her work (including overtime) had finished late at night.
“Sure. What is it?”
“I have recently been around another person who was kind enough to accompany me and visit various places in the harbour. I believe that this would be considered a ‘friend’ in the mortal realm. But, I am also aware that in the mortal world, personal feelings are more important than the other person’s actions, in discerning whether someone is a friend or not. That is where I am confused.”
“A friend? Feelings? Is...this about Miss Yelan?”
“Yes.” Shenhe was glad that Ganyu already somewhat understood the situation because she had no idea how to even begin describing Yelan. “Sometimes when I am out training or meditating, I have sudden thoughts about her that appear in my mind. And when I am with her, I sometimes find myself almost smiling without realising. I do not know why these things are happening.”
“Oh dear,” muttered Ganyu.
“Master has already confirmed that these have nothing to do with my red ropes or my curse. And I cannot think of any other possible explanations outside of that.”
“Shenhe, do you,” Ganyu began, “like Yelan?”
“I have positive thoughts about her, yes,” Shenhe replied, with a confused expression. But she didn’t feel these strange things with every one of her friends that she ‘liked’. So that couldn’t be all.
“No, I meant romantically. Do you like Yelan romantically?”
“Romantically’ refers to how the groups of two people I often see at the harbour are holding hands or hugging each other, yes?”
“Uh, yes,” Ganyu replied. “If that’s what helps you to understand it.”
Shenhe disliked the idea of close contact with anyone, really. So the things she saw were only another mortal custom she couldn’t quite grasp. But when considering Yelan, Shenhe didn’t think she minded it—her presence often made walking amongst the crowds in Liyue a lot easier to bear.
Perhaps it really was ‘romantic’ interest.
It certainly was a possible explanation, as much as she had refused to let the thought cross her mind until now. Strange thoughts about an individual and a quickened heartbeat when around them were common symptoms of this mortal condition, as she had seen in some of the novels sold at Wanwen Bookhouse.
“Then if I were to believe that I ‘like’ Yelan as you say, how would I be able to tell if it is mutual?”
“Um,” she hesitated. “I don’t think I’m the best person to ask that, given how I haven’t really experienced anything of this sort myself in well, the past three thousand years. But you can tell me how these trips of yours with Miss Yelan have gone, and I can give you my opinion. Or I can discreetly ask her tomorrow if she shows up at work.” Ganyu offered. “If.”
“We often go to restaurants where she asks me to sample many mortal dishes according to her recommendations. She has also made tea for me at her teahouse once, and refused to let me exchange mora even though that was what I witnessed the other customers do. Yelan refers to our time together as dates. What would that mean?”
Ganyu seemed to have choked on something, even though they weren’t currently eating anything.
“I also remember that when I visited Yelan at her hut a while ago, she had written down a list of my favourite foods from all the restaurants. She will sometimes find me when I am alone eating qingxin stalks and bring me some of those dishes.”
“Shenhe,” she sounded exasperated. “I’m sorry, I know that this wouldn’t be something you have much knowledge on, and forgive me for raising my voice, but for goodness sake! She’s undeniably interested in you!”
“Really?”
“Yes, and I’m very confident about that.”
Shenhe was still skeptical. Being the mysterious person she was, Yelan could easily have had other intentions for knowing Shenhe. Such as her relationship with the adepti, or her expertise in exorcism, or even just her involvement in the defeat of Beisht and rebuilding the Jade chamber.
Either way, consulting another person about this didn’t sound like a bad idea.
“Yunjin, can I ask you to explain something to me?” Shenhe had decided to visit Heyu teahouse the next day, where she had found Yunjin on her break between two opera performances.
“Of course, I’m always delighted to help a good friend of mine.”
They sat down at one of the tables near the stage, and Yunjin poured two cups of tea for them.
“I have known this lady named Yelan for a few months. Recently I discovered that I may be experiencing something that Miss Ganyu explained was ‘attraction’ towards her.” Now that she had said it out loud, it did seem a bit more plausible. “But I am unsure if she would feel similarly towards me. As I understand it, there is a difference between what I hear others call a ‘friendship’, and what I feel about Yelan. Right?”
“Yes?” replied Yunjin. “So you’re here because you want my perspective on if she likes you back or if she’s only being friendly. I mean sure, I can listen. Tell me more about her.”
“Hmm,” Shenhe thought for a moment. “Aside from the times when Yelan takes me to various restaurants, she also refers to me using words such as ‘darling’ and ‘beloved’ instead of my name. But I have not seen her call anyone else with these words.”
“You go to restaurants together? Just the two of you?”
“Yes. She describes them as ‘dates’ when I ask her why she would do such things for me.”
“Shenhe, I—” Yunjin sighed a long sigh. “Are you sure you haven’t already been her girlfriend for a few months?”
“Girlfriend?” Shenhe repeated, testing out the unfamiliar term. “I don’t think so. Yelan has not said that I was her girlfriend. These instances I described can also apply to two close friends, can they? So it does not indicate romantic interest.”
This seemed to have caused Yunjin to close her eyes and sigh a second time, this time with her hand covering her forehead.
“Is there something wrong?” Shenhe tilted her head.
“No, it’s just...” Yunjin opened her eyes again, “You wouldn’t do these things to someone you only consider a friend, would you?”
“I would not act in such a manner towards anyone. And that is why I am confused.”
“From my understanding though, she’s definitely interested in you. That part is obvious. So maybe you can go ask her directly what she thinks of...whatever is going on in between you two.”
It did sound like a very straightforward solution to sort out the issue. Shenhe liked it.
“I’ll follow your suggestion then and ask her. Thank you for your advice.”
“No worries! And I wish you luck with your relationship!”
That evening, when she coincidentally saw Yelan walking alone near the port (a rare sight considering how Yelan only showed up if she wanted to), Shenhe decided to approach her with Yunjin’s idea in mind.
“Oh, Shenhe. Fancy seeing you out here at this time.” The woman smiled as soon as she saw Shenhe. “Are you here to join me on my stroll?”
Shenhe decided to get straight to the point. “Yelan. I am here to ask. Do you consider me to be your girlfriend?” That was what Yunjin thought Shenhe was, if she remembered correctly.
Yelan froze for a second, caught off guard by the question. But it wasn’t long until her face returned to its usual, confident smile.
“Hmm, why? Do you want to be my girlfriend?”
“I don’t know. I just wanted to clarify.”
That wasn’t a proper answer to her question at all, to Shenhe’s dismay. And though they spent the rest of that night walking together, her question was never brought up again in their conversations.
She would have to find someone else to ask tomorrow.
“Chongyun, I need your advice on a predicament that I am facing.” Shenhe was able to find her nephew running around the outskirts of Liyue harbour, chasing after another spirit that was supposedly sighted nearby. Knowing Chongyun however, this was simply another false story created by Xingqiu. Shenhe made a mental note to shove that smug delinquent against a sharp edge of a rock on her way back later.
“Auntie Shenhe?” Chongyun turned around in surprise, having only noticed her presence now. “What predicament? Another exorcism case? Or did you encounter another troublesome person again? I’ll help you after I purge this place of evil spirits. Uh, but I’m struggling to find any.”
“Don’t worry, it has nothing to do with exorcism.” Shenhe informed him. “And I can tell you with a glance that any evil spirit, if present in this area, has already left.”
“Oh...” Chongyun murmured, a defeated look on his face. “Though that was to be expected. I never have good luck with evil spirits. This cursed yang energy. But sure, tell me what’s going on.”
Shenhe began retelling the events of the past few days, from all of Yelan’s confusing behaviour to what her two friends have already said.
“So how can I find out whether Yelan likes me?”
“Huh? You never asked her about that? But our entire clan thinks that you two are already dating each other!”
“We’re not.”
Chongyun had an expression of intense disbelief.
“I asked her yesterday night if I was her girlfriend. Yelan only replied by asking me if I wanted to be. So I didn’t take that as a yes or a no.”
For a few moments, Chongyun seemed to have been left speechless. Shenhe didn’t blame him. Yelan’s intentions were always hard to decipher, not just for Shenhe herself.
“...Auntie Shenhe.” He managed. “I think, there’s been a misunderstanding. It sounds like you’ve been in a relationship for months without realising, uh, not that I know much about you two, so it’s just my speculation. I’ve only heard what the other clan members discussed.”
Shenhe tilted her head. Was she really in a relationship? No, that didn’t seem possible, because Yelan had never specifically said so, and if they really were dating Shenhe would have realised by now. There had to be another explanation for all of Yelan’s actions.
The only thing that was clear right now was that Shenhe felt something towards her. And she wanted to get that resolved. It was already affecting her training.
“Sorry, I’m not really able to give much advice. Just, have you told her how you feel yet?”
“No.”
“Then start with that—try telling her. And just see how she responds.”
“So all I have to do is to go up to her and say to her that I want to date her.”
“Uh, maybe...not like that.” Chongyun appeared uneasy. “I’d suggest phrasing it in a nicer and less forceful way.”
“Alright.” That did sound easy enough for Shenhe. “Thank you for your help, Chongyun.”
“No problem, Auntie. And my family’s really hoping you could visit us some day. They’ve been wanting to meet your girlfriend—I mean, if she becomes your girlfriend.”
Shenhe still wasn’t sure why that was apparently her clan’s assumption.
That night, when Shenhe made a visit to Yelan’s hut outside of the harbour, the lights were off, and there was no one in sight. The only thing that awaited her was a single note stuck on the door.
It read in an elegant handwriting: Dear Shenhe, I’m out on a mission and I’ll be back in two days at around noon. I knew you’d show up here at some point. Miss me already, darling? Don’t worry, I miss you too. Hope to see you soon.
~ Yelan
So much for trying to talk to Yelan, who was even harder to track down than Shenhe herself, and that said a lot of things considering how rarely Shenhe was even in the harbour (that was before she met Yelan, of course). If she didn’t interpret it incorrectly, the “I miss you” in the note was a good sign. But “missing” someone could be applied to many things, such as how Shenhe missed what her childhood could have been, so it still wasn’t any indication whatsoever that Yelan enjoyed her company beyond as a friend.
That conversation could be sorted out two days later if the note was to be trusted. In the meantime, Shenhe thought she would ask one more person just to be extra sure.
“Oh? Shenhe?” The director of Wangsheng Funeral Parlour called out, as Shenhe passed by. “What brings you here? You don’t seem like you’re here for my usual business.”
“No, I am not.” Shenhe had been reluctant to approach the director at first, due to her eccentric ways of speech that only ended up too confusing and tiring for Shenhe to keep up with, but Hu Tao was already an expert at many aspects of mortal life. Plus, there was her relationship with Yanfei that gave her some credibility in the matter.
“Let me guess. It’s about that mysterious lady you’ve been with these few months, right? This is the first time I’ve seen you around here without her.”
Shenhe blinked a few times, surprised that even Hu Tao knew about Yelan at this point.
Hu Tao’s eyes gleamed with something that Shenhe did not wish to know what it was. “Ah, I see! You’re here for that type of service. I’ll gladly assist you, free of charge actually.”
Shenhe did not recall saying anything about requiring any of Hu Tao’s services (even though she had been considering it). But she let Hu Tao continue.
“So, what’s been going on lately?”
The funeral director seemed a little too eager as she listened to Shenhe’s fourth time recounting her current situation with Yelan.
When she finished, Hu Tao only burst into laughter. That did not feel at all reassuring whatsoever, so Shenhe simply fixed a menacing glare at her until Hu Tao realised a few seconds later.
“Sorry,” she managed between wheezes, “I knew you were a very fascinating person, but aiya, I didn’t think you’d be this dense. Do you really need someone else to tell you that she’s been flirting with you this whole time?”
“Is that what it’s called? Flirting? Huh.”
“You know, since this Miss Yelan you speak of refuses to say anything outright despite how obvious she’s being, you should be the one to ask her out.”
“Ask her out?” Shenhe echoed. As in, be the one requesting for Yelan’s approval to date her? She was nowhere near good enough with words to be able to accomplish something that difficult. If only social interactions were as easy as wielding her spear.
“Yeah. Do you need my services to help you with that as well? It’s an extra fee of zero mora, don’t worry, hehe.”
“Perhaps.” Shenhe said reluctantly. “Then what is it that you would suggest I say to Yelan, to ‘ask her out’?”
“Hmm, would you like to use one of the love poems I wrote but never published?” Hu Tao grinned. “No, that doesn’t seem like your style, dramatic poetic confessions, does it? Oh, how about I write a short poem for you that you can easily memorise? Or several ‘poems’. That should do it. I have a few ideas already.”
“Poems?” Shenhe didn’t see how flowery words that rhyme would be able to help her.
“Stay here. I’m gonna grab a piece of paper.” Hu Tao dashed off into the parlour, returning outside mere moments later with her supplies. Leaning the paper against the wall, she started furiously scribbling something that Shenhe couldn’t make out from where she was standing.
“All yours. Including a free coupon from me, attached right there at the corner.” She announced as soon as she finished writing.
“My...sincere thanks, Director Hu. Allow me to repay you later.” Shenhe took the paper from her, remembering the lessons she had taken with Ganyu to learn how to show common courtesy through speech. She still didn’t understand what motives Hu Tao would have to be doing this for free.
“No need, no need. We’re friends, right? And looks like I have another customer coming this way. Aww, I wanted to chat with you for longer. Anyways, may your love for each other prosper even beyond death! And don’t forget to give those buy one, get one free coffin coupons to your girlfriend! It’ll come in handy one day, eventually.”
The following noon was the day of Yelan’s supposed return from her investigation. When Shenhe went over to her hut, contrary to all her expectations, she found an exhausted Yelan covered in battle wounds answering the door.
“Hello, Shenhe.” She greeted wearily. “How thoughtful of you, coming to see me immediately after I left work.”
Any sort of love confession could wait. Without saying anything, Shenhe lifted Yelan up, which turned out to be quite easy thanks to all of her strength training with the adepti, and placed her gently onto her bed. She noted while carrying her, how a faint shade of pink appeared on Yelan’s face, disappearing as quickly as it had appeared. A fever, perhaps. She would get a dampened towel later if it persisted.
“You seem way too concerned for me, Shenhe. Relax, this is a very normal occurrence in my line of work. And you’ll have to get used to it, since you seem so determined to visit me so much.”
She had never really needed to take care of another human before. But it wasn’t too late to learn. Luckily, Cloud Retainer had taught her the basics of healing with mountain herbs, to deal with any scratches she received from training or encounters with delinquents who dared to disturb the adepti. So she could surely apply that knowledge with buying the right herbs from that mortal owned pharmacy she always bought her qingxin snacks from.
“Stay here, and I will be back soon with treatment from Bubu pharmacy for your wounds.” Shenhe told her. She’d been to this area enough times to have memorised where all the useful plants were growing by now.
“Oh? Are you still trying to bribe me?”
“I believe it is only fair to do so in exchange for everything you have done for me so far. That would not be considered a bribe if I understand the term correctly.” Shenhe replied, turning to leave the room.
Before she could even take a step however, something had grabbed onto her hand, with that something being Yelan.
The conversations Shenhe had with all of her friends the past few days flashed through her mind. Would this gesture be something that conveyed romantic interest, if they were all so sure that everything else so far were obvious signs? Possibly, but it wasn’t the first time they had held each other’s hands, so Shenhe still couldn’t be sure on what it meant for this situation.
“As much as I find the idea of it adorable, you’re not my nurse. If you’re really intent on helping, just stay here with me.”
“As long as you don’t do anything dangerous before you recover. Rest is equally important as work, as my master has told me many times.” Shenhe sat down on the bed beside her, still holding onto Yelan’s hand (which she tried to not pay attention to). If Yelan wasn’t fully recovered by tomorrow, she would drag her to Bubu pharmacy, even against her will.
“Why do you look so beautiful without trying?” Yelan murmured, seemingly to herself but loud enough for Shenhe to hear it clearly.
Shenhe did not know how to respond to that. People often described her to appear as pristine as the adepti themselves, so it was a remark she was used to hearing. Except this was Yelan, and so that made her words carry a different kind of weight.
Something about this small, quiet moment, the two of them alone in a room with the soft rays of sunlight streaming through the window and the soft songs of birds carried on the wind...Shenhe felt it was the right time to finally say the words she’d been longing to say.
“Yelan, I have something to discuss with you.” She would start with Hu Tao’s ‘poems’, followed by Chongyun’s suggestion of directly stating her feelings, and then ask Yelan if she was interested as Yunjin had recommended. It was a brilliant plan.
“Mmh, I’m all ears.”
“They say nothing lasts forever.” She had spent all morning rehearsing these lines from Hu Tao’s slip of paper. “So would you be my nothing?”
Yelan smiled at Shenhe, clearly finding this amusing, but said nothing. Whatever other emotions were contained in her emerald eyes, Shenhe couldn’t decipher them at all.
So just in case Yelan didn’t quite get the meaning of Hu Tao’s love poems (Shenhe didn’t understand them either—in fact why were they much shorter than the usual poems she saw), she recited the second poem.
“If life was a pack of cards, you’d be the queen of hearts.”
Still nothing from Yelan. So Shenhe continued with the rest of her speech.
“I want to declare that I am fond of you as a person and that I am interested in dating you. I believe according to what I have been told, that there is evidence you feel...” She trailed off, watching as Yelan failed to hold in her laughter.
“Archons. I didn’t believe Yanfei at first when she told me that you went to ask Hu Tao for pickup lines to use on me. So have all your friends helped you realise my attempts at flirting with you for the past few months? I was even starting to think that I wasn’t being obvious enough.
“I...couldn’t be sure about your intentions.” Shenhe admitted, finding herself avoiding Yelan’s gaze and feeling her face heat up. Though she didn’t know why. Perhaps her nephew was right in having popsicles on hand at all times for situations like these.
“Well, I do really appreciate the effort you put in. If I had known earlier that this would be what I would come home to, then I would have collected my intel much faster.”
“You have yet to reply to what I said, Yelan.” Shenhe pointed out.
“Oh, did I?” Suddenly, Yelan caught onto Shenhe’s shoulders, all of her weariness from her work seemingly disappearing in an instant, pulling Shenhe forward until she was forced to stare straight into Yelan’s eyes. She was smiling in a way that made Shenhe want to smile too, if she was even capable of doing so. Maybe her face was already doing weird things and she just hadn’t realised yet. “What do you think my reply would be? You have a fifty percent chance of guessing correctly, or one hundred percent chance if you’re smart.”
“Is this your method of declaring that you like me?” Shenhe asked hesitantly, as she listened to the increasingly louder beats of her heart, the red ropes loosening their hold on her emotions. She had been shutting down that conclusion for as long as she could because it just didn’t seem plausible (and still didn’t). But unfortunately, reality was beginning to shove its way through the walls of denial placed around her until now.
“You know, I’ve been trying to declare that message for a while.” Then without warning, Yelan leaned in for a kiss. One that Shenhe didn’t know she needed until now.
“So we are considered to be dating?” she asked when she pulled back.
This caused Yelan to laugh again. “Why, have I not made it clear enough? To answer your question from that day, yes. We’re girlfriends now.”
“Oh.” Shenhe uttered, still trying to comprehend what just happened. If there were any thoughts in her head, it had all reduced to a pile of mush—none of her training had prepared her for this.
“The look on your face says you still don’t quite believe it.” Yelan remarked. “Need me to say it again? I like you, Shenhe. No tricks there, just the truth.”
This was another statement that Shenhe did not know how to respond to, so she instead said the other thing that was on her mind this whole time. “Since this has been resolved, I assume, shall we deal with your injuries now?” Remembering Yelan’s tendencies, she added, “I can also go out and pick some Jueyun chillies for you.”
“That sounds marvellous and all, but right now I’m more interested in having you stay here beside me.”
“Alright.” Shenhe allowed herself the smallest of smiles. If her staying here was going to make Yelan feel better, she didn’t have much of an excuse to leave.
And really, maybe she didn’t want to after all.
“But do tell me, what advice did they all give you?”
Clearly, it had been love advice that ended up working extremely well.