Work Text:
Cosmo had nothing to do today. Whisper and Tangle were out on the field taking care of business she wasn’t ready for and Tails was hard at work at the Restoration. Alone in the house, she was going through a few of the books Tails had gotten her when he put her room together. Thinking about all the nice things he did for her, she sighed. Even though her friends and Tails had reassured her that she was doing the best she could, she still wasn’t all that confident in how to repay him. He had nurtured her in her weakest state and cared for her to the best of his ability. She wanted to do something, anything to repay his endless kindness and love for her. Putting the book down, she decided to get something to drink.
As she exited her room and made her way to the kitchen, Cosmo noticed that among all the rooms in the house, hers was the cleanest. It wasn’t like the rooms were disgusting, just that there was some trash scattered around and some things were dusty. Grease and oil stains were smudged on some of the furniture and appliances. What is she to do when the person she lives with is such a dedicated inventor. Still, Tails shouldn’t let his place get like this, it wasn’t sanitary. As she was about to reach into the cupboard for a glass, an idea hit her. What if she tidied up for him? Of course, she wouldn’t do all the work. It was his home too, after all and he needed to look after it just as much as she did. Living in a colony, she had to do her fair share of work and cleaning was no exception. Cosmo hopped down from the stool she was using to reach the cupboard and rushed off to find the cleaning supplies.
Looking at all that she had gathered, Cosmo smiled in pride and got to work. She started on the trash. Picking up whatever was too big for when she swept and mopped the floor. There wasn’t a lot, but the kitchen alone still filled up an entire bag of trash. Tossing the bag to the side she started sweeping up the kitchen to the best of her ability. After making sure she got everything she got to mopping. It didn’t take as long as she expected, but soon enough the kitchen was clean. Cosmo smiled as she turned to look at the living room. The kitchen was probably the worst room in terms of grime, so it wouldn’t take long for her to clean it up.
Once the living room was clean, Cosmo moved on to Tails’ workshop. When she made her way to the door, she hesitated. She didn’t want to mess with anything sensitive, so she decided to leave anything she could tell was a project alone and try to organize tools and whatever else had a set space it was supposed to be. Walking into the workshop, she saw that it was mostly organized. The only things that were strewn about the floor were random nuts, bolts and pieces of scrap metal that were probably from other projects. Depending on its completion, projects were either stowed away for later or put to the side in favor of whatever new idea Tails had. That didn’t mean Cosmo was going to leave it like this. She kneeled down, picking up the fasteners first and put them away in what she could guess were the proper places.
With those all put up, Cosmo kneeled right back down to pick up the scrap metal to set to the side near the unfinished projects. As she neared his desk, she noticed something in the bottom. She noticed a book bound in green peeking out between old blueprints and other books that looked worn from use. This one looked used, but not as old as the others and a different color. It was probably important, so Cosmo tried not thinking about it. It was in vain, as she could feel her curiosity overwhelm her again and sneak over to slide the book out of its place. As she sat down in the chair, she looked over her shoulder to make sure Tails wasn’t home early. Taking a deep breath, she opened the book to the first page with writing.
Dear Diary,
Cosmo slammed the book shut before she could read anymore. This was definitely something she couldn’t read. Even skimming it could be something that could ruin Tails’ trust in her forever. She didn’t want that. Her conscience tried its best to convince her to put it back and act like it never happened. In the back of her mind, however, a whisper told her that this could help her better understand Tails. Help him through problems she knew he would have trouble telling her about. If he wanted to tell her anything, that should be on his own terms. But how long would that take? For him to open up to her completely about all his problems? She wanted to help him, to make him feel safe and loved. The book in her hands could help her gain a deeper understanding of him. Reluctantly, she slid out of the chair and made her way back to her room.
Shutting the door behind her and locking it, Cosmo made her way to her own desk and set the diary down in the middle of it. Her hands were shaking. She knew this was a major breach of privacy, something that Tails might not forgive her for. It wasn’t like she was a gossip, Cosmo was good at keeping secrets and she would take whatever secrets he told her to the grave. A second time. She opened the book once more, and began to read.
Dear Diary,
Today was my first day of therapy and the first time I ever thought I’d have to write in one of these. It’s a little embarrassing, but the therapist said it would help with getting my thoughts somewhere so that they don’t tear me up from the inside out. She was nice. For as long as I could remember, I had to be careful of new people. It took a while for me to actually open up since I’ve never had the best experience with strangers in the past. She didn’t like the fact someone as young as me had to go through this whole process, that it wasn’t fair. When she had asked about why I was here I told her it was because Sonic discovered my stress relief tactic. I could see it in her face that I didn’t need to elaborate. Each question was hard to answer. They were very personal, something I could barely talk about. Somehow, we got on the topic of Cosmo and I didn’t want to answer anymore questions. That wound is still fresh. She told me it was fine and that I could open up when I was ready. The hour was up and she let me leave with a simple goodbye. I didn’t say anything as I made my way back home. She was right. It’s not fair. Why did she have to die? Why can’t I just have one good thing in my life? I wanted us to be together until the very end and that dream never even started. Fate is a sick clown if it thinks that’s funny. Let’s face it, they probably do.
It was then that Cosmo noticed a few stains at the bottom of the page. She held in her own tears as she turned her head to read the next page.
Dear Diary,
It’s currently four in the morning. I can’t sleep. That moment keeps replaying itself the second I close my eyes. I can’t stop thinking about her. I miss her. Her laugh, her smile, her voice, her eyes, the way she smelled like the sweetest flower. I can’t stand how someone like her had to die. When I scrapped the Blue Typhoon, I found the video files from the security cameras. I’m watching them right now. Hearing her voice again is soothing. I don’t know if this is healthy, but I feel like it’s helping.
The rest of the page is taken up by drawings of Cosmo. They were very detailed and intricate, as if Tails had remembered every aspect of her. She turned the page.
Dear Diary,
I can feel it, the temptation. Sonic said to call him if I ever needed him, but I feel like I need the pain, like I deserve it. There’s nothing sharp around, so the next best thing is to write in here. I’m a murderer. I killed her. It’s my fault. I’m the smart one, aren’t I? What sort of genius just lets someone like that die? With just a bit more time, I’m sure I could’ve found a way. People could say they’d understand, but do they really understand looking directly into the eyes of someone they loved and pulled that trigger? It should’ve been me, not her. It doesn’t feel like I’m getting better, I’m just getting worse. They were right, I am a curse. My next session is tomorrow, I have to hold out until then.
The handwriting was big and jagged, as if Tails was really stressed about whatever he was writing about. What temptation? Looking back and forth between that entry and the first one, Cosmo’s mind clicked. It wasn’t anything new to her. Some of the people adjusting to the colony old enough to remember their planet hadn’t adjusted well. A few even took their own lives. To hear that Tails was having the same problem broke her heart. The initial worry of being a walking reminder of his worst moment resurfaced. She knew he wanted her here, but she hated the off chance of him thinking like that when she was around. If he really did feel that way, then he would’ve thrown the pot away the first chance he got. Taking a deep breath, Cosmo looked at the other page.
Dear Diary,
My therapist wanted to look at my last entry. I tried to be cool and calm when I walked in, but I guess you can’t fool someone who’s seen similar things thousands of times. When I said no, she only nodded and told me that it was fine. She then went on to say that showing my thoughts would help, far more than just writing them. After hesitantly handing her my diary, I tried to look anywhere but at her as she read silently. When she put the book down, she was wearing a kind smile. She proposed an exercise. I write a letter on how I feel Cosmo would react to reading that last entry. I told her I’d think about it. More personal questions and more thoughtful answers. When the session ended, she told me to give deep consideration to that letter. I kept my head down and left with just a thank you.
To Tails,
It wasn’t your fault. You know it wasn’t. So, why are you blaming yourself? You did the best you could, all of you did. You know I don’t blame anyone, especially you. Hurting yourself wouldn’t make me happy. I would want you to live your life the best you could. It's just without me now. But that shouldn’t stop you. Keep going. Even though I’m gone, you know I’ll always watch over you. I love you.
-Cosmo
Cosmo smiled as she finished the letter Tails wrote to himself. Tails understood her the best out of anyone she knew. She did want him to be happy with, or without her. She felt like that was enough for now and shut the diary. How exactly was she going to explain this to Tails? She couldn’t exactly hide the fact that she had just read something personal. The best option is to be upfront and honest about what she did. Cosmo got up from her chair and headed back downstairs to wait on the couch for him to get home. As she sat there in silence, she thought about what she was going to say, until the door unlocked and opened to show Tails smiling brightly as he held up two plastic bags, one in each arm.
“I got some treats for us! Well, I did get some mint chocolate chip ice cream, but I also got a lot of other sweets for you to try. Dark chocolate, caramels, some sour candy and a load of other stuff!” That smile was so bright it could light up a pitch black room. Cosmo smiled, but it fell as she looked down at her lap. His smile fell too as he saw her mood change. “You alright?” Hesitantly, she shook her head and lifted the book up from her lap.
“I’m sorry…” As soon as Tails processed what she was holding, he felt relieved. He gave a comforting smile as he sat down next to her.
“Cosmo, I’m not mad. I was going to show that to you eventually, but I just kept…putting it off. How did you even find it?” Tails asked as he slid the diary off of her lap and into his.
“I decided to clean up a little as a thank you for everything you did for me, but when I got to your workshop, I saw it and wanted to see what it was. I didn’t want to read it at first, but I really felt like I needed to understand you better so I could help you.” He cupped Cosmo’s chin in her hands and leaned her head up to look into her eyes.
“One, thank you for cleaning. I’ll be sure to help out by doing my fair share. And two, thank you for being honest.” He picked the diary back up and put it in her hand. “Keep it. Really. I haven’t written in it in a while anyway.” Cosmo looked down at the book in her hands and then up at Tails. She smiled and launched to hug him.
“Thank you…I was so worried.” He returned it as an idea popped up in his head and smirked.
“But…I think I’ll have to eat all the candy I got you. I don’t think it was very sweet of you to look through something so private.” Tails’ voice took an exaggerated tone and Cosmo realized what he was doing. Cosmo let out an exaggerated gasp.
“That’s rude and after I cleaned up for you!” She tried to reach out for one of the bags in his hands, only for him to move it away.
“If you want it you’re gonna have to catch me!” Suddenly, Tails sprang off the couch and ran off.
“Hey! Get back here!” Cosmo gave chase as quickly as she could, giggling at the sudden excitement.