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Saru takes an uneasy breath as he stands in front of the captain’s ready room door. He considers if it might be more polite to wait for Captain Pike to summon him, but then he shakes off the thought. Discovery is still his ship and Pike doesn’t seem the type to stand on ceremony. It’ll save them both time, he concludes, as he presses the buzzer.
The captain doesn’t respond immediately, and for a moment Saru wonders if it might not be too late to retreat. But then he sees the door open in front of him and he reluctantly steps inside.
“Commander Saru.” Pike smiles brightly when he sees Saru, but not quickly enough for him to miss the worn-down expression he was previously wearing. “Come in. I’m sorry there’s nowhere to sit, but would you like some water?”
Saru shakes his head politely. “No, thank you.”
Pike sets aside his PADD. “So, what can I do for you?”
“Actually, sir,” Saru begins. He presses his fingers into the sides of his legs to prevent himself from fidgeting. “I came to check on you.”
The captain raises his eyebrows. “On me?” he repeats.
“Yes, sir,” Saru replies awkwardly. “You said you wanted to speak to me before the end of shift. That was almost half an hour ago.”
Pike’s expression falls as he checks the chronometer on his desk. “Shoot,” he mutters. “You’re right. I’m so sorry, Commander Saru. I lost track of time.”
“It’s no problem,” Saru assures him.
He shakes his head. “No, I shouldn’t have kept you waiting,” Pike says. “In the future, please feel free to let me know I’ve forgotten a meeting.” He seems to notice hesitation in Saru’s expression because he shakes his head and corrects himself. “Actually, consider it an order. Don’t be afraid to interrupt me. It’s for your own good.”
Saru nods. “Yes, sir,” he replies. Then he tilts his head. “Should I take that to mean that you will be staying on as Discovery’s captain?”
Pike flashes him an apologetic look. “Yes, I will be,” he answers.
“I see,” Saru replies.
“I know you weren’t expecting for me to hang around,” Pike says. “And believe me, I didn’t plan for this, either. But Command has designated the investigation into these signals to be a top priority.”
“I understand, sir.”
“I wanted to tell you that I think you have a fine ship and crew,” Pike says. “I know this because I have my own, and I would like to assure you that I have every intention of returning to them when this mission is over. I’m not here to take over.” Saru nods. “But in the meantime, I think we can do some good together. And I look forward to working with you.”
Saru smiles slightly. “Of course, Captain,” he replies. “I’m sure I can learn a lot from you.”
Pike smiles back at him. “Now, is there anything else I can do for you?”
Saru hesitates and then decides to take a chance. “I noticed that you seemed upset before I came in,” he ventures. “Is everything alright, sir?”
The captain’s face falls. He looks down at his PADD and then sighs. “I was informing Enterprise of Lieutenant Connolly’s death.”
At the mention of Pike’s deceased science officer, Saru averts his gaze. In the chaos of the day, he had almost forgotten about the casualty. “Of course,” he says awkwardly. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you,” Pike says.
Saru racks his brain for more polite things to say. “He seemed like a good officer,” he offers.
Pike gives him a weak smile. “That’s very kind of you to say,” he says. “But he wasn’t.”
“Sir?” Saru ventures.
“You didn’t see him at his best,” Pike explains. “I knew Evan as being kind and intelligent, but he was neither of those things on Discovery. I know he came off as arrogant and careless, and that ultimately ended his life.” The captain rubs his forehead. “It was my fault.”
“I don’t understand,” Saru says.
Pike sighs and stares at his desk. “Even though my crew didn’t fight in the war, it didn’t mean we weren’t affected. Nearly everybody lost someone,” he says. “But Evan lost everyone. Both his parents were killed at the Battle of the Binary Stars, and his two sisters died during the first few months of the war. Right before Enterprise broke down, he found out that his brother had passed.”
Saru feels an unexpected twinge of sympathy for the science officer he had written off as cocky and selfish. “That must have been very difficult.”
The captain nods. “It was. I encouraged him to take leave, but…he insisted he wanted to stay. He said there was nothing left for him to go back to,” he continues. “I thought that by keeping him close, I could keep him safe. But I should have left him on Enterprise.”
“You couldn’t have known,” Saru says.
“I know,” Pike says. “I did the best that I could.” He sighs. “But it’s still hard.”
Saru watches the captain’s pained expression for a few moments. “Is there something I can do to help? Can I assist you with paperwork or funeral preparations, or…anything else?”
Pike sighs and then shakes his head. “No,” he says. “That’s my job.” He hesitates, then looks towards the door. “Just…hold your crew close tonight. For me.”
Saru nods solemnly and flashes a sympathetic smile. “I will, sir.”