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Oh, in a blink, gone
The building was eerily silent, only the sounds of the current Alien Stage round being played on every television available. The walls of the hospital were a sterile white and it smells heavily of disinfectant.
The hospital was rife with injuries and the sick, but even then not a single person made a sound as the death battle between Till and Luka continued. Luka did what he did best- manipulate and mentally damage his opponents. Luka was a formidable performer, and he knew how best to shake his opponent.
In one room, the sounds of the oxygen machine beeped, confirming the one in there was still alive. A man laid in the bed, breathing through an oxygen mask, staring at the screen installed on the wall. He knew he’d gotten out somehow, but his memory was hazy.
The bullet holes in his body ached fiercely, especially as he watched his whole reason for it slowly crumble to the pressure his opponent was pushing on him. He wanted to get up and run back. He wanted to stop this whole thing from happening.
Ivan just wanted Till to be happy. And alive. He didn’t care if he was in the picture or not, hell he expected to not be in the picture again. He could only hope that somehow, just maybe… Maybe Mizi and Hyuna could do it. They got him out of there right? It should be possible.
Blink, Gone
Ivan’s blood ran cold. He felt his heart rate begin to pick-up. The machine counting his heart rate began to beep. He watched as Till was shot, seemingly in the neck as he reached for Mizi, who made her presence known to him.
Ivan felt bile rising in his throat as Till’s body fell to the floor. He watched Mizi crawl onto the stage, crying. Her gentle hands cradling his head as blood slowly seeped from his wound. The camera focused on Till’s face as his hand covered hers. Ivan watched as his hand shortly went limp afterwards.
His vision began to blur. He couldn’t even tell if he was crying or if he was just hyperventilating. His breaths were coming short and the machine monitoring him began to beep louder, alerting the staff. Soon after, there were hospital staff rushing in to check on his condition.
They immediately turned the TV off, so the last shot he saw was Till lying in Mizi’s arms and Luka staring at Hyuna. He laid his head back on the pillow, trying to slow his breathing, trying to have some sense of normalcy. He could pretend he didn’t see that right?
The rebels would have to come back eventually and he could question them at that point. There was no promise of Till returning anyway, they had made that clear. The rounds were back to back, and so they didn’t have much time to even try coming up with an additional plan. Hyuna had a plan cooking and he desperately hoped she was able to put it into action.
The next few days passed in a blur. Ivan was continually attended to due to his severe wounds, but he still hadn’t seen or heard any news about the rebels who attacked. None of the TV channels shared any information either. He saw a few ads about Luka being the winner of Alien Stage 50, but they didn’t show any footage.
He tried to ask the staff about it, but they just avoided the topic like the plague. He hated it. He wanted to know if Till was really gone. He didn’t care about anything else at the time. He didn’t want to live in a world without Till.
It wasn’t until the end of the week that he’d heard a commotion about the rebels returning. He couldn’t leave his hospital bed as he was hooked up to a bunch of machines, but he just had to believe someone would come tell him.
They already lost Sua. There was no bringing her back and they almost lost Ivan too. His wounds were severe and he’s lucky he didn’t die from blood loss alone. He didn’t want to lose Till. God, please let Till be okay.
Throughout the day there was a constant hustle and bustle of people going in and out. He’d heard a few names like Mizi and Dewey but nothing about Till, or even Hyuna. He feared the worst. While the rebel faction was pretty put together, he didn’t know how long it’d truly last without Hyuna at the helm. She had experienced the pain of Anakt Garden when she was a child, so she truly understood the stakes that were at hand. He’d never interacted with her other than a brief moment where he was blearily hanging on for dear life and she shouted out commands.
After multiple hours in agony, he saw a body being rushed down the hall from his room. The body was covered and he couldn’t see who it was from the angle he had. Shortly after, Mizi ran into his room, huffing and out of breath. His eyes momentarily widened as he remembered the scene of her and Till on the screen.
He opened his mouth a few times, trying to get words to come out, but nothing did. His eyes bored into hers as she ran into, immediately giving him a gentle hug. He didn’t want a hug. He wanted Till. Where was he? Would he at least be able to say goodbye?
Mizi seemed to be frazzled but her overall mood seemed pretty normal. He weakly lifted his arms, hugging her back. Her voice came out in a whisper, “I’m so glad you’re okay…” He could then feel the hot tears of her’s dripping onto his shoulder.
Slowly, he pushed her off of him, ensuring they made eye contact. “What about Till?” His voice was hoarse and only could be heard if you were close enough to him. Mizi’s body slightly froze before she began to shake. He took that as a sign for the worst.
His own hands began to tremble as he clutched onto her vest even tighter. God this was all so messed up. Ivan felt the bile begin to rise in his throat again. Mizi didn’t say anything, but she slowly let go of Ivan. She neither confirmed nor denied Till’s condition.
It had been a week after all. Unless they had somehow performed stellar medical assistance along the way, it made no sense that he’d make it anyway. Ivan began to let himself accept it. He’d never see Till again. He put Till through the same thing and so how could he expect it all to work out?
Nothing ever worked out in Anakt Garden. Not in this fucked up world where humans were pets. Where humans were bioengineered and trained from birth to compete in singing death matches. His expression contorted into one that was resigned. He couldn’t help but think of the time he tried to run away with Till. Watching Till run back felt the same in this moment. He tried so hard and this is how he was repaid.
Mizi was speaking to him, but his thoughts were clouded with where it all went wrong. He tried so hard and stayed for Till. Till who went back for her. He couldn’t even bring himself to be angry. If anything he was more angry that he survived.
Why did they spare him when they knew he didn’t want to exist somewhere without Till?
Ivan knew that Till didn’t have feelings for him. He was most likely just a stain that Till might remember. The one who forcibly kissed him on stage after they had a tumultuous upbringing together.
At some point Mizi must’ve noticed that he wasn’t fully comprehending the conversation. She squeezed his hand lightly before she left the room with a small wave and smile. How could she bring herself to smile at a time like this?
Ivan let himself stew in his emotions. He was despondent and only responded when he was asked direct questions. He laid in his bed like a husk. He didn’t know what to do, and his emotions were slowly suffocating him.
—
A month had passed since Ivan last saw Till on screen. He was still recovering in the hospital, but he could actually get up and move around now. He just went through the motions of existing, not really feeling or reacting to things as he should. The TV in his room was never turned on again.
He’d heard mutterings of an uprising happening on a bigger scale. After Luka won the last Alien Stage, there were a lot more people who were beginning to speak out about the contest as a whole. Even some aliens were speaking against it.
But Ivan didn’t care. He didn’t care that he hadn’t seen Hyuna at all since their escape. He didn’t care that Luka also hadn’t been seen on TV or even in magazines post his win. He didn’t care that Mizi came to talk to him everyday about something.
But one of these days, Mizi found him staring despondently outside and she frowned, spoke something at him, and then helped him stand up and started guiding him somewhere. Coming back to his senses, he blinked, looking around. They were headed up to another floor but he couldn’t understand why.
Looking over at Mizi, she was smiling softly at him. “Ah. I have something to show you.” Her voice was quiet as they wandered through the hallways. He’d never been up on this floor before, but it was just as quiet as his floor.
For some reason he began to feel nervous. Where was she taking him? He wasn’t sure if he was ready to see Till yet… He started to pull away, fighting against her grip. Mizi maintained her grip, however.
“You need to see this. I promise you won’t regret it.” Ivan felt like he was going to throw-up. He didn’t want to see him. Not in that state. He wasn’t sure he could physically handle it. But Mizi was determined.
Soon enough they came upon a room that had a blank nameplate on it. There was no indication that this room was being occupied, but its the room they stopped in front of. Mizi reached out, sliding the hospital door room open, revealing the contents of the room.
Ivan started in disbelief. This room was just like his, sterile white, reeking of disinfectant. But the difference? The difference was who was laying in the bed. Ivan’s whole body began to tremble.
Attached to a bunch of different wires, with a machine steadily beeping next to him, was Till. His Till. Without missing a beat, he rushed forward, injuries be damned. Till was lying in bed, he was not conscious, but he was very much alive.
The first thing Ivan did was place his head on his chest, listening for that tell-tale beat of his heart.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Tears immediately filled Ivan’s eyes. His body was aching and he was overexerting himself, so he found himself collapsing next to Till’s bed. His hands immediately clasped Till’s own, feeling the warmth that still lingered in them.
Mizi ran over and helped Ivan stabilize himself, though he refused to let go of Till’s hand. He could barely register the words Mizi was speaking to him. “He didn’t die Ivan. We barely made it… For once, the Aliens shot was off the mark. It hit his neck, but it thankfully wasn’t fatal. We… We made it, Ivan.” He looked over at Mizi, who was now fully crying as he gripped Till’s hand like he’d disappear if he let go.
Ivan felt his tears start to fall from his eyes. He wasn’t making a sound, but it was very clear that he was overwhelmed. He wasn’t used to emotions and acting on them. He just felt such relief that Till was alive. He didn’t care about anything else.
Mizi continued, “I didn’t bring it up earlier because he’s been in a coma ever since he got shot. But then I saw how.. How despondent you were and knew I had to let you know.” Ivan didn’t care. He was mesmerized, watching Till’s chest rise and fall, breathing. Alive.
Now he just had to wait for him to wake up. Ivan spent the next few days by Till’s side, unmoving. The doctors had to bring his meals to him and they almost set up a cot in this room so that Ivan didn’t aggravate his own injuries.
Every day Ivan would whisper some story to Till, peppering his hands with light kisses. Begging him to wake up. He did this everyday, hoping to whatever was out there that he’d wake up. He wanted to see those defiant eyes. He wanted to..
Suddenly, Ivan felt a twitch in the hand he was grasping. He whipped his head up, seeing that Till was slowly moving. His body seemed to be reacting to his touches. Ivan, desperate at this point, began to softly sing to Till.
This felt like the only way he could express himself without completely breaking himself. Ivan watched as slowly, very slowly, Till’s eyes began to blink open. He sat, frozen, staring as the man came to life before him.
Till’s vision was bleary, and he could see how unfocused his eyes were. Ivan kept singing a soft melody as Till came to. His body briefly jolted when he felt someone gripping his hand. Ivan refused to let go though.
Till seemed to suddenly come to life. His eyes wide as they frantically searched the room. He seemed to be looking for someone, and Ivan knew it was Mizi. His last vision before he went down was of Mizi, the girl he’d been in love with.
Ivan didn’t fight it. He didn’t expect Till to ever love him the way he did. But he wanted to make sure Till knew that he wasn’t alone. His voice was soft as he whispered Till’s name, soon feeling those frantic eyes snap on him.
Till just stared for a moment. He was still out of it and he just stared. Ivan stared right back. Till’s voice was hoarse and scratchy as he attempted to speak, words barely coming out. “I..van?” In which Ivan just nodded.
To no one's surprise, doctors and nurses began to file in, as Till had just woken up and they saw it on the monitors. They tried to push Ivan out, saying they needed to check him, but Ivan wouldn’t let go. He refused to be separated from him again.
Even Till seemed to be against the idea. He didn’t know if Till even knew he was real or not yet. The last time he saw him after all was bleeding on the ground of a cold stage. The doctors finally pried Ivan’s hand away from Till and he felt himself being escorted out.
He fought and fought with the doctors until Mizi showed up, trying to mediate the situation. Ivan was about ready to throw hands and Mizi calmed the doctors down, allowing Ivan to wait outside while they checked-up on Till.
Unfortunately, Till also wasn’t being cooperative. He was out of it, slightly drugged up to the pain meds, and on the verge of hysterical. Mizi ran inside to try and calm things down, but to Ivan’s surprise TIll wouldn’t calm down.
He kept shouting Ivan’s name, shouting for him to come back. Mizi tried placating him by saying Ivan was just outside, to which Ivan could hear Till shouting, the tears in his eyes evident by the hoarseness of his voice.
“IVAN. I… I need to see him. He’s.. He’s gone. Bring him back. Bring him back. Bring him back.” He trailed off until Ivan couldn’t help himself, he pulled out of the nurses grasp and ran inside, grabbing Till’s hand before kissing it softly.
“Till, I’m here. I’m here.” His voice was hoarse as well as he once again felt Till’s eyes on him.
“Are you.. real?” Till shakily raised his hand, almost deterred by the tubing in his arm, but he placed his hand on the side of Ivan’s face, feeling the warmth there.
“I am. I am real. I’m okay. You’re.. okay.” Ivan turned his head, kissing Till’s hand while maintaining eye contact with him. The doctors had given up on separating them at that point, so they went about conducting their check-up while the two silently stared at each other.
Mizi was standing in the corner of the room with a smile on her face. The two finally had a chance to reunite. The rounds had been brutal and they were injured, but somehow… just somehow they all made it out safe… except for one.
Mizi silently left the room and walked down the hall.
The next few days went by as normal. Except they weren’t normal. Till and Ivan were reunited, and Ivan spent every moment he could in the room with Till, who seemed to appreciate the company. Even Mizi dropped by sometimes to chat and hangout with them.
Till seemed as enraptured by Mizi as ever, but something was different. While his gaze was drawn away by Mizi, it always seemed to land back on Ivan at the end of it all. Not used to being the one getting attention, Ivan would just stare uncomfortably back at Till. They were insufferable.
At some point Till was given the okay to get up and walk around after intensive physical therapy. While his limbs weren’t injured, he hadn’t walked in over a month and he was also shot in a vital spot. Ivan helped him through the pain and encouraged him. He had to go through physical therapy himself, so he understood how difficult it was.
One day the two were getting ready to go to his physical therapy session, but he’d held Ivan back, gripping his shirt a little tighter. He seemed to have something to say, but couldn’t get it out. Ivan thought this was endearing. He caressed the side of Till’s face, his thumb rubbing down his cheek.
Till’s face warmed up after that. Ivan wanted so desperately to just lean in and kiss him. He wanted to hold him close and never let him go. But Till didn’t want that. He was content just being there for him. Till looked at him expectantly but soon after Ivan backed off. Was it just him or did Till seem… disappointed?
Things changed after that. Till was more open and he began to revert back to his personality when they were kids. He was brusque about things but he was also more open to touch. He didn’t shy away when Ivan would reach for him, and he didn’t seem to be disgusted by him. If anything, it seemed like he craved touch.
Things seemed like they were about to reach a boiling point. Ivan wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold back his feelings, as they seemed to be bursting. Till also seemed to have things weighing on his mind as well.
One day after a particularly intense physical therapy session, Ivan was helping Till back to his room. His arm wrapped around his waist while he draped Till’s arm across his shoulder. They were both exhausted and overstimulated from the days events.
Once they reached Till’s room, Ivan helped him get hooked up to his machine. Till couldn’t help but mumble his complaints. “Ugh, how long will I have to use this?” His voice tired. Ivan let out a short laugh.
“I had to have mine on for a long time too.” His hands worked over Till, making sure he was hooked in properly and could read everything just fine. He felt Till stiffen beneath his hands, but he was too focused on the machine to really think about it.
Once he was done, he looked down at Till, who was sitting on the bed. His face was flushed and he was biting his lip. Without even thinking, Ivan lightly touched his lips with his fingers, pulling his lip out from his teeth gently.
“You shouldn’t bite your lip like that…” Then, to his surprise, Till reached up, and pulled him into a quick and hard kiss. Ivan didn’t even have time to react before the moment was over and Till was trying to pull away.
Acting on instinct, his hands grabbed Till’s face, turning it towards his before he leaned in and kissed Till. He made sure this kiss was different than their first. His lips were gentle as he guided Till into the kiss. Slowly but surely, Till began to reciprocate the kiss. It was a long but sweet kiss.
Ivan only pulled away because he knew that Till needed time to breath. He rested his forehead against Till’s as he breathed slowly. His heart was hammering against his chest. After a moment of attempted composure, he looked back at Till, who was shaking.
“I love you.” Ivan whispered as he went in for another gentle kiss. Till flinched slightly, seeming to relive their desperate kiss before he watched Ivan get shot down. Ivan pulled him into his arms, rubbing his back gently.
“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, Till.” Till’s breathing eventually evened out and he could feel him clenching his fists on Ivan’s shirt. Till shakily went in for another kiss, this time his tongue darting out to claim Ivan’s lips.
Ivan almost jerked back out of shock, but he quickly pushed back into Till’s mouth, his own tongue pushing at his lips. Till easily opened his mouth and the kiss devolved into sloppy and desperate kisses. Ivan could feel himself heating up and he pulled away again, this time Till chasing after him.
“Till.. Wait.” He said between kisses. “If you.. keep…” The kisses were growing in intensity and Till began to claw at Ivan’s back, as if he were trying to crawl inside of him. Ivan held Till’s waist as he brought him in for yet another bruising kiss.
“Till if we don’t stop… I might not be able to.” His voice was raspy as he licked Till’s lips, sucking his lower lip into his mouth.
“You’re… still hurt.. We can’t do that yet.” Finally, he pulled away and just held Till in his arms. Till was flushed red, his eyes hazy as he rested his head against his shoulder. He finally spoke softly into Ivan’s shoulder.
“...I love you too, stupid.”
FIN