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Bradley woke up curled around Jake, spooning him and loving every inch of their bodies touching. He supposed they were still going about this whole thing ass backwards since they kept falling into bed together without setting clear goals on what they wanted. It was one thing to hear Jake declare how he loved Bradley. It was another to feel that love as it was reciprocated in the dead of night.
He considered saying it back. Telling Jake that he loved him too.
However, the words stayed firmly lodged deep in his throat instead ever time he tried to speak.
Making this a reality, them, always took so much to achieve.
The stars had to align just perfectly.
Or maybe that was all in his head trying to psych him out of this. To make him miss this chance and lose Jake again. He didn’t know anymore.
What he did know, though, was how he never wanted to let Jake go again.
He pressed their joined hands together against Jake’s chest and sighed silently while he closed his eyes. There were so many things he wanted to say in this moment, so many messy declarations of love, of true love. But he didn’t dare disturb Jake’s rest. Not yet at least.
He could try later.
There was time for them now . . . if he wanted it.
And he did. He very badly wanted this contentment, this happiness.
“You’re doing it again,” mumbled Jake through his grogginess.
“Sorry. Go back to sleep. It’s all good here.”
Jake sighed loudly. “Now, I know you’re lying,” he huffed out. “What’s wrong? Talk to me here. Maybe I can fix it.”
“It’s not you.”
“See, you say that, Bradley, but—”
“—I mean it, Jake. It’s not you. You’re perfect.” At that, he received a loud, derisive scoff. “It’s not. I’m just . . . just getting stuck in my head again. That’s all.”
“What about?” Jake shifted in his arms to turn back slightly.
“You said you loved me. Said it so easily, too.”
“You think that was easy?”
“It sounded effortless.”
“Oh, it took more than you’ll ever know, my dear sweet chicken pot pie.”
“Chicken pot pie?” Bradley snickered. “That’s a new one.”
“Yeah, well, I like variety and spice in my life.”
“Obviously.”
Jake narrowed his eyes on him. “You gonna keep jerking me around here? Because I’ll need a lot more lube here then to survive that.” He then sighed heavily. “Look, I’m not expecting you to say it back. So, if you’re freaking out because you think that’s a hit against you, it’s not. I understand that phrase has a lot of meaning to you. That it’s going to take a bit for you, and I’m willing to wait. I can be patient if I’m properly motivated.”
Bradley groaned, reminded of another person in his life saying that exact phrase.
“Uh, did I say somethin’ wrong there?”
“Mav says that.”
“Okay, and—oh.”
“Yeah.”
“I know it’s not in good taste, considering, but at least I’m in good company.”
“Jake.”
“What? I am. Your personal problems with him notwithstanding, Maverick is one of those rare kinds of people who sweep in and save the day by the skin of their teeth, baffling the most brilliant of minds with how the hell he pulled it off. I mean, hell, Bradshaw, he made sure we had a fighting chance, gave a damn about each and every single one of us—when everyone else wrote us off and didn’t care that our odds of returning to our former squadrons was nonexistent.” He twisted more. “He stole an aircraft, Bradley, off a military base to prove a point after he was removed from the mission. Name another person who would do that. Bet you can’t.”
“Can we please not talk about my godfather while we’re in bed?” Bradley pleaded, letting his head fall limp onto Jake’s shoulder.
“Yeah, sure. fine.” Jake turned back, nearly flopping like an over-dramatic teenager as he did.
“I’m not saying we can’t talk about it ever,” he explained. “I’m just saying for now at least. Because you’re talking about the guy who used to wipe my nose anytime it was running while he was holding me. I don’t feel exactly, you know, comfortable talking about him then, considering you and I aren’t exactly, uh, decent, you know?”
“Fair enough. We’ll put a pin in it, but we are going to have to talk about it at some point.”
“I know,” Bradley replied, flattening his hands against Jake’s warm chest.
“Well, seeing as how we’re both up now, you thinking breakfast in bed today?”
“I wore you out finally, I take it?”
“Never.” He smirked with twinkling mint green eyes. “Just I don’t want you to get hangry on me is all.”
“You make it sound like I’m going to turn into the Hulk if I don’t eat.”
“Face it, Bradshaw. You get cranky.”
“Oh, fuck off!”
“No thanks. I’d rather be fucked in.”
Bradley smacked his left pec, hearing the loud chuckle in response.
“You’re horrible.”
“Eh, eye of the beholder, Rooster. Now, what do you say to us having a little breakfast in bed . . . before we actually eat?”
Shaking his head to fight off his laugh, Bradley felt more chinks in his long-worn armor shatter onto the ground. In time, he’d be there one day. He was sure of it, though.
There just was a lot to work through first.
But that was an after breakfast sort of problem honestly.