Chapter Text
Charlie's felt pumpkin garlands were up early this year. The entire lobby was festooned in black and orange: streamers, balloons, and cute plastic ghosts covered every pillar and vertical surface. A plate of colorful cookies (clearly made by Niffty and not Charlie) sat on the table to bribe participants into staying for morning group therapy. Courage mounted firmly to the sticking post and a sweet treat in their hands, the sinners felt prepared for anything the Princess of Hell could throw at them.
Said princess was practically levitating off the ground when it was time to begin. “It's finally October! I've been reading up on human traditions and holidays… And y'know, it really got me thinking.”
(The collective “Uh oh” passed through their minds unvoiced.)
“Who wants to see the mortal world again?”
That certainly caught their attention. “Holy shit,” Angel breathed. He would have assumed he was dreaming (or hallucinating as a symptom of withdrawal) but he was five weeks sober and bright eyed from Charlie's regimented sleep schedule. Still, he rubbed his primary eyes in disbelief.
“What’s the catch?” Husk, ever the realist, asked with a raised brow.
“No catch! I wanted to do something fun together. And what could be more fun than taking part in some classic human traditions? We're going trick or treating!!”
“What’ss that?” Sir Pentious asked. The Egg Bois tittered in excitement despite not knowing any details. Charlie’s enthusiasm was infectious. Alastor watched from a distance, his smile blank. (Charlie recognized it as his confused face.)
“You probably knew it as All Hallow's Eve?” She turned to the snake.
“Ssnap-Apple night!” He shot out of his chair in excitement and began to slither-pace. “Oh, what fun. Where are the rutabaga? I musst carve my lantern to frighten Stingy Jack!”
“I think I understood about half of that.” Angel deadpanned.
Niffty appeared from behind the sofa wielding a carving knife. “Who are we stabbing?”
Alastor plucked the knife from her small hands, dissolving it into shadows. “Are we to set up a nocturnal mass? I must say, spending a night in a cemetery does remind me of the good old days.” His permanent grin widened.
“You didn't have trick or treating when you were alive, Al? Going from door to door to get candy?”
He hummed pensively. “Souling was a very brief part of my childhood. Maman dressed me in a little sheet and dragged me around the faubourg to sing for pastries and other food.”
Charlie almost cooed at the mental image. “Does anyone else want to share their traditions from Hallowe’en?”
“Dressing up had just become a thing around the end of my life!” Niffty said. “But the kids always avoided my house.”
“My father said he'd ‘rather rot in hell than let his children participate in that no-good pagan, protestant bullshit.’ Val's done a lot of Hallowe’en themed porno shoots, but other than second hand knowledge it's new ta me. I assume an orgy of mask wearing killers isn't a Hallowe'en tradition.”
"Well, this one time in 1972..." Husk chuckled playfully. Angel wheeze-laughed in response.
“This is so exciting!” Charlie squealed. She quickly collected herself and grew serious. “Okay, before we go any further we need to go over a few ground rules. These trips are complicated for sinners– even we Hellborn have to follow strict rules for interdimensional travel. It's like hiking: take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but hoofprints. The only thing that's allowed to pass between realms has to be freely given- so candy is fine. Portal magic is fussy about consent. And by fussy, I mean people have lost body parts for disobeying the rules. ”
“Sad when a magical glory hole has better morals than most of the guys I've worked with,” Angel muttered bitterly.
“First, you're going to need a bag to carry your candy- nothing enchanted with pocket dimensions. The magnetic fields of earth can make that messy and spaghettify your candy... or you. Same with your costumes! Speaking of, please make it G-rated, Angel. We're going to be around children.”
“I'm already surrounded by children,” Husk rolled his eyes.
“And lastly, no hurting the humans.” Charlie said, staring straight at Alastor.
“Well, where's the fun in that?” he gestured broadly.
"Keep your interactions brief. We can talk to them to get our candy but that's it- we cannot let them know who or what we are.” Charlie took a deep breath, her serious expression gone like a cloud over the horizon. “Whew, boring rules are over- now let's have some fun! I'll give you all some time to start brainstorming your costumes. I already know that I want to wear!”
“What’s that?” Vaggie watched her girlfriend's excited movements.
“I'll go as a devil, and you can go as an angel!”
“No way!!” Vaggie blurted suddenly. “Uh, I mean, going as a devil might draw the wrong kind of attention. Surely you've read about the fanatics that protest this holiday.”
Charlie didn't quite understand the volatile reaction but respected her partner’s wishes nonetheless. “Okay hun, we'll keep brainstorming costume ideas. But I would like us to match.”
“I want my Egg Boiss to experience thiss delight, too!” Sir Pentious proclaimed.
Chaelie considered this, looking into the wide puppy-eyes of Sir Pentious and his eggs. “I suppose they can come. But they need to wear a convincing costume. I don't think eggs can talk on earth.”
“So, how are we getting topside? You renting a succubus to chaperone?” Angel asked. His thumb was scrolling away on his phone looking for costume inspiration. There were a lot of tabs opened to porn sites.
“No Asmodean crystal necessary! October 31st is the only day that the spirits can rise up to be with the living; the magical connection between realms is at its strongest. Transportation is usually facilitated by drawing on the power of a mortal's summoning spell. And guess whose presence is requested more than any other demon in Hell?”
“Oh, no.” Alastor flattened his ears.
Lucifer stood in the lobby of the hotel wearing a cheap vampire costume. The cape looked like it was made from a trash bag. He eventually had to spit out the fake teeth, transforming them into a white rubber duck that perched on his shoulder. Beside him Charlie was bouncing on the balls of her feet clutching Vaggie’s arm for balance. The pair were dressed as the Phantom of the Opera and Christine.
“Love the hair, Maggie.” Lucifer pointed with finger guns. Vaggie laughed uncomfortably.
“Thanks, Sir. It was fun doing something different with it for a change. Even though curling it took a few hours.”
“Isn't she a perfect Angel of Music?” Charlie nuzzled the bare side of her face against Vaggie’s cheek, not noticing her girlfriend’s nauseous reaction to the endearment.
The lobby filled with Sinners as the scheduled departure time approached. Charlie fawned over every resident and how much she adored their costumes.
Lucifer suddenly gave a full body shudder as though he had been electrocuted. “Ooh, I'm getting the tingles.” He shook his arms to dismiss the unwelcome sensation. “Ugh, ignoring these summons gets harder and harder every year.”
“Why don't you respond to a few rituals, Dad?” Charlie encouraged. “It might be good to get out there again!”
Lucifer waved his hands and shook his head so hard his hat almost fell off. “Nuh huh, no siree! That is not my game anymore.”
“Worried the humans might be disappointed by what they see?” Alastor cajoled. He was dressed sharply in a three-piece Victorian ensemble. His gray skin had been powdered to look paler and his hair was slicked back to match the era. He carried a top hat and cane beneath his arms. Dried blood trailed down from the corner of his mouth, and his canine teeth appeared elongated.
“Ha! I don't need to waste my time on rituals. Got souls coming out the wazoo. Wherever my wazoo might be. How many mortal soul contracts do you have, Bambi?”
“Oh, I have enough.” he smiled mysteriously. “The promise of a mortal soul bond means nothing when I have the souls of so many Sinners currently in my possession.
“Ooh, big words, Count Chocula.” Lucifer sarcastically wiggled his fingers.
“Ha ha! I knew you wouldn't be educated enough to understand my creative vision.”
“I thought you were a vampire, too.” Charlie admitted sheepishly. Alastor appeared behind her in a shadowy flourish, draping his arm across her shoulders.
“I am, my dear! More specifically I am dressed as Lord Ruthven from the nineteenth century work of fiction The Vampyre!”
“Is the blood on your face makeup, or leftovers from breakfast?” Vaggie glared.
“Dinner, actually. But it was the perfect finishing touch.”
Suddenly, the hotel doors burst open with a loud bang. “Happy Hallowe’en, fuckers!” Cherri cackled. Angel rushed to the door to embrace her in a side hug. Well, as much as he could reach around the cardboard box she was wearing over her white bodycon dress. The box was painted in a grid of colorful squares with no discernible pattern.
Angel gave the princess a sheepish look. “Sorry Charlie, hope you don’t mind a party crasher. I was tellin’ Cherri about your idea and–”
“This bitch wanted me to babysit his pig and miss out on all the fun! Halloween is my fuckin’ favorite holiday!” she was overcome with excitement, almost matching Charlie's boundless energy.
“Yes, of course!! We'd love to have you join us.” Charlie nodded enthusiastically, knocking her mask out of place.
“Here to prepare a ssneak attack, Misss Bomb? Ha ha!” Sir Pentious postured with a faint flush on his cheeks.
“As if!” she scoffed. “I'm here for the lollies and that's it. And to spend a little time with my best bitch.” Angel playfully tugged on the end of her long ponytail in response.
“So, Cherri Bomb, what's your costume?” Vaggie asked.
“I'm a Rubix cube!” She twirled on the spot to proudly display all four painted sides. “Made everything myself. Used to love making my own costumes for Hallowe’en. I thought it was a killer idea given the short notice and lack of crafty shit at my flat.”
“It's so cool!” Charlie enthused, still having no idea what Cherri was supposed to be.
“So, devil daddy- how's this gonna work?” Angel adjusted the massive empty purse on his shoulder. It looked large enough to carry Fat Nuggets.
“Well, drawing from the power of the many, MANY summons on earth-–” he raised his voice, hoping to get a rise out of the red menace. Alastor did not care in the slightest. “--I will open a portal to take you up to the mortal realm!”
“We're gonna roll up to the human world looking like this? Won’t that raise a couple of eyebrows?” Cherri blinked her wide eye in disbelief.
Charlie shook her head, biting her lip to suppress the wide Alastor-like grin that threatened to split her face. “No, we're going to look human! Right Dad?”
“Not quite, Char-Char. I'm not G– Heh, uh. I'm not my father. I can't work miracles. The soul needs to be willing to work with my magic. And that can be tricky for a Sinner! The older they are, the harder it is for the soul to retain the image of who they once were. But! If you concentrate really hard on your image we can make it happen! So you'll appear as human or inhuman as you want.” The group (minus Alastor) reacted in a chorus of appreciative 'ooh's.
"Okeydoke! Let's get this popsicle stand on the road." Lucifer cracked his knuckles and planted his feet firmly on the ground.
"I don't think that's the expression, Dad." Charlie quietly murmured. Her father ignored her.
Lucifer's small hands traced intricate patterns in the air, leaving lines of shimmering light behind at his touch. The ancient symbols flickered and disappeared like match smoke. The group cried out in surprise when the ground rumbled beneath their feet and the oldest magic in Hell washed over them. His pale skin glowed crimson and the concealed wings burst from his back in a plume of feathers, tearing the plastic cape to shreds. Slowly, where glowing symbols once illuminated the air, a swirling ball of light appeared and continued to grow; whirling faster and faster until it grew to the height of Angel Dust. The surface shimmered like liquid gold before solidifying into a view of a quiet, suburban street.
Even Alastor had to admit the entire display was impressive. So rarely did the King of Hell indulge in such displays of power, it was easy to forget about the ancient magic that coursed through his pint-sized frame.
“All aboard!” Lucifer briefly transformed into a trumpet with obnoxious fanfare.
...a pity the man was such an idiot.
“Sure you don't want to come with us to Earth, Dad?” Charlie gently touched his arm.
“No, ah- I don't really go up there anymore. Not since the 1600s, and boy did that not go well! I don't mind, apple pie. Really! Someone has to keep an eye on the hotel in case there are any trick or treaters–”
“Or turf wars.” Angel added.
“Yes, last year's Hallowe'en was quite… Explode-y.” Lucifer agreed.
“Thankfully the two worst culprits will be with me all night!” Charlie laughed. She linked arms with the two trouble makers.
“A shame, Misss Bomb. I do enjoy our All Hallow's clashess,” Sir Pentious lamented.
“I can beat your ass tomorrow instead?” Cherri grinned and the pair walked through the portal together.
“See you at midnight, Dad!” Charlie rushed through once the entire group of Sinners had safely crossed between realms.
“Make sure Nugs gets his evening walk!” Angel called over his shoulder.
Alastor twisted his neck to catch the king's eye. “Try not to let the hotel fall into disrepair the way you allowed your kingdom to –”
The portal closed in a way that one could only describe as petulant.
The group materialized in the cool dark of a cul-de-sac surrounded by a nondescript grid of suburban houses. Charlie momentarily took in her surroundings, but she was far more interested in the altered appearances of her friends. Though their bodies had shifted to a height that would not make them stand out in a crowd of mortals, many of their familiar features remained.
Angel's pale skin and blonde hair were quite convincing… aside from the second set of arms that remained attached to his body. “Damn. Oh well, that means I can carry more candy!”
“You need to pretend those are fake,” Vaggie insisted. There was very little change to her form except a warmer skin tone and a white sclera around her brown eye. Long dark hair covered the other half of her face.
“I guess you're a spider now.” Niffty lifted her Geisha mask to better observe Angel. Seeing the little Sinner with two eyes was somehow scarier than her single eye. Or perhaps it was the vivid red that was still present.
“I had my heart set on bein’ a nurse!” Angel lamented.
“You can be a spider nurse?” Cherri shrugged. Her own appearance was strikingly human underneath the cardboard box. She adjusted the little cube headband on top of her long pink and blonde hair.
“A sexy spider nurse,” he purred.
Husk remained in his unkempt cat form, though his wings appeared to be absent. Charlie gave him a sympathetic look. “Aw, do you not remember what your body looked like?”
“I'm gonna be honest, I wasn’t paying a damn lick of attention to your Dad when he was talking.”
“Husk! How are we going to explain your lack of a costume??” Vaggie stomped her small ballet flats in frustration.
“I'm the wolfman. Grr.” he made a half-hearted gesture with his arms. “There, problem solved.”
Charlie’s gaze finally landed on Alastor, who was patting his unchanged body down as though he were looking for his missing keys.
Alastor turned on the spot to inspect every inch. “Drat, what a swerve. I concentrated hard on my handsome face. I have a daguerreotype family portrait in my tower, it's one of my prized possessions. I remember the sight as though I were staring in a mirror! I'm not sure what happened.”
Charlie and Alastor paused. In a simultaneous moment of understanding, they both muttered “Lucifer” in a tone reserved only for Susan.
“Sorry Al, I guess I didn't factor in my Dad's pettiness.”
“No matter! This form will serve me well on my errands.”
“Errands? What are you–”
“What the fuck are they supposed t'be?” Angel gestured with both sets of arms. The Eggs Bois were wrapped in gray, knubby fabric. Round circles on top of their heads flopped in different directions.
“We're rats!” proclaimed an egg.
“Aren't we mice?” questioned another.
“I want to be a vole!” exclaimed one excited egg.
“I am the Pied Piper of Hamelin!” Sir Pentious proudly declared. Long, dark hair replaced the hood of his snake form. He was tall and thin with no tail, but the gaunt serpentine features remained on his face. He could have played it off as excellent special effects makeup were it not for the total absence of a nose.
“Here, you're going to need this mask…” Charlie reached into her bag. “And make sure the eggs keep their hoods up. We might be able to convince people they're also wearing masks. Really high tech masks. Hoo boy… Okay, are we ready to go?”
“All right, troops! We'll start our march on the east side, about face at the road's end, and make a second pass on the west side before we mount our attack on the next road!” Vaggie commanded sharply.
“Just follow me if you get confused.” Charlie interpreted. “Most importantly, we need to stick together–”
“Where's Alastor?” Niffty interrupted. Her cropped haircut bobbed with the movement of her head.
“Fuck if I know, I ain't his mom.” Husk shrugged.
“Great. Fucking great.” Vaggie rubbed her fingers against her temple. “I told you bringing him was a mistake!”
Charlie’s voice rose in frustration. “What did you want me to do, put a leash on him??”
Husk barked a single laugh at her comment before he could stop himself. Thankfully, his outburst was ignored. Charlie practiced her breathing exercises and tried to smile at her girlfriend.
“Look, it will be fine. He knows where to find us when midnight hits–and if we're still separated by the end of the night, I'm sure Dad would love to personally drag him back to Hell. There's no way Alastor would let that happen! Besides, our magic is super limited up here. There's not a lot he can do to hurt someone.”
An uncomfortable silence fell on the group. Angel grimaced. “...you do remember he used t’ be a serial killer, toots?”
“ Fuck! ” said Charlie–who had, indeed, forgotten this fact.
The group decided to forge ahead without Alastor in the name of candy. His absence from group activities was a common enough occurrence that nothing felt amiss.
“What are we supposed to do?” Sir Pentious trailed close behind them. He walked stooped over and bow legged, as though he had forgotten how to walk.
“We go up to a door, ring the doorbell, and say ‘trick or treat!’ Then we get candy!” Charlie explained.
Niffty lifted her mask to speak. “And what if they say ‘trick?’ Can we kill them?”
“No!! If they ask for a trick, we're going to sing!”
“I can give ‘em a trick,” Angel fluffed his chest.
“Just follow my lead!” Charlie hissed over her shoulder. The first house was in sight. The group stood huddled together on the small veranda.
“There’s no doorbell.” Sir Pentious observed.
“What do we do??” Niffty panicked.
Vaggie knocked on the door with a tremendous eye roll.
Charlie was effervescent with glee. “Ready? One, two…”
“Trick or treat!!” cheered the group. The old lady adjusted her glasses and tutted merrily.
“My, what a large group! Here you go, dearies.”
“Thank you!” Charlie sang as two foil wrapped chocolate bars were dropped into her pumpkin shaped container. This repeated down the line of Sinners. “Ssay thank you!” Pentious scolded the group of Egg Bois.
“Thank you! Thanks, nice lady. I like your purple hair.”
“Oh, what polite young children!! It's so sweet to see a father stepping up to care for his little boys. Here, sweetie. Have some extra. I'm sure you've got your hands full with them.”
Sir Pentious thanked the potentially blind old woman, looking down at her with wonder. The group waved goodbye and scurried back down the gravel driveway to meet Husk on the sidewalk.
“Husk, you really should come with us for the next house!” Charlie pleaded. “It's so much fun.”
“Fine. Just this once.” he acquiesced.
The large group-plus-one moved to the next house. Fortunately, this one did have a doorbell. Cherri pressed the bell and moved so the Egg Bois could huddle closer to the front. Pretending they were children seemed to be a winning strategy.
“Trick or treat!” said the group. Husk echoed the greeting in a rumbling monotone.
A middle-aged man wearing a Batman t-shirt smiled at the group. “Hey, great costumes! Here, I save these for the bigger kids.”
Another chorus of ‘thank you's, and their second house was done. The night was off to a great start!
“See? That wasn't so bad.” Charlie caught up with Husk at the end of the driveway, who was staring into his wrinkled pillowcase. “Everything okay?”
“I haven't had a KitKat since I died.” Husk reached into the bag and held the candy between his claws, wonder in his eyes.
“You can have some of mine at the end of the night. I never cared for ‘em.” Angel shrugged, now caught up with the group. “Although I haven't had the best experience with ‘em. They're probably stale by the time they make it to Hell.”
Cherri looked into her pillow case (which, Charlie noticed, also had the mysterious Rubix Cube printed on it. Was it an idol the humans worshipped?) and back at the group. “Think they'll have any Wizz Fizz? Good lollies are impossible to find in Hell.”
“Sounds like the street name for a drug.” Vaggie laughed.
“Nah, more like some fucked up kink.” Angel corrected. Even Charlie giggled.
She was so proud of her little group of Sinners. Everyone was obeying the rules, and it sure seemed like they were having fun. They’d already made it down the first road and were starting their next pass through the subdivision.
Halfway down the street Angel accidentally bumped into a buff man wearing a cheap werewolf mask, knocking his grocery bag of candy to the sidewalk. “Whoops, sorry baby! Lemme get that for you.”
Angel truly could not have picked a more provocative way to retrieve up a bag. He bent at the waist with a ballerina’s flexibility, pert ass up in the air. The man was nearly panting beneath his mask.
“Hey, no worries babe. It’s nice to see such a caring chick.”
Angel squeezed his chest together (which Charlie now realized had manifested into a pair of sizeable breasts, how the fuck had she not noticed) and fluttered his eyelashes. “I’ve been told that I’m very considerate.”
The werewolf took a step closer to enjoy the warmth of Angel’s personal space. “Hey, you wanna ditch the kids and come to Sarah’s? She’s throwing a killer rager.”
“That’s very polite of you to invite my friend, but unfortunately Angel is on the clock babysitting and can’t really leave the group!” Charlie smiled manically and grabbed Angel by the shoulders to spin him around before he could do anything else to blow their cover.
“Pfft, Moms.” the thinner man (dressed in a cheap banana costume) laughed with his wolf friend. “We get it. Sorry baby. Hope to see you around!”
“Charlie!” Angel whined, watching the two men disappear into the darkness. “I was gonna get laid!”
“What part of ‘no interacting with the humans’ did you not understand??” Vaggie grit her teeth.
“We’re already missing one Sinner, I cannot lose another person up here!” Charlie heaved a weary sigh, feeling her control over the group steadily slipping. “Satan knows what trouble Alastor is causing right now.”
“I coulda sucked their dicks and come back before you’d even noticed I was missing! It would’ve been fine!”
“C’mon you whore,” Cherri chastised him affectionately and looped arms with her friend. “Looks like I’m on horndog patrol.”
Angel sulked for the next block of houses until a Pug dressed like Cerberus bounded up to the group begging for pats. The group was more than happy to oblige and take a break for puppy kisses.
“Trick or treat!” The group cheered at the next house. As soon as the door was opened, Niffty walked in.
“Niff, ya can’t just do that!” Husk grabbed the back of her kimono. She stumbled forward and turned back to face him with a frown (or what he could only assume was one beneath her mask).
“I'm cold.” she said.
“Oh, you poor dear!” Cooed the heavily pregnant woman dressed like a pumpkin. She turned to the hallway table where the spare box of candy sat, opening an overflowing junk drawer. “Here, take these hand warmers. I don’t want any kids to be cold tonight!”
“Thank you!” Nifty skipped off with her new prize. The woman burst into happy tears and dumped the rest of the bowl into the group's bags.
"The bags are getting pretty heavy, huh?" Vaggie adjusted the cloth bag on her shoulder. Charlie continued to swing her pumpkin as though it were light as air.
“I know, and we still have so many houses to visit!” Charlie squealed. Someone groaned under their breath.
“Hey, that’s my candy!” warbled a high voice behind them.
The group’s attention immediately shifted to a group of larger children that had cornered one of the Egg Bois. How it had separated from the group no one could tell, but he had tripped and spilled the contents of his bag in front of him. “Frank!!” lamented Sir Pentious. He stomped forward to rescue his struggling minion.
“How the fuck does he tell them apart?” Angel asked the group.
“My candy now, punk.” laughed a pig nosed child with a hideous buzz cut. The boy opened the candy bar and bit down, chewing with an open mouth.
Sir Pentious stormed up to the group, chest puffed. “What iss the meaning of thiss? How dare you treat my Egg Boiss so callously! Unhand the confectionery, you ruffian, or I will box your earss!”
The boys blinked up at Sir Pentious with wide eyes, before the trio burst into a fit of laughter.
“What the crap,” pig nose laughed. “Okay, Ebeneezer McScrooge. We’re so scared!”
A long shadow fell over the boys and the thunderous glare of Cherri filled their vision. Their laughter was suddenly cut short. She growled low in her throat. “Listen here, fuckwits. You’re gonna give Frank his candy –maybe some of yours too– and then you’re gonna scram. If I see your sorry faces again tonight I’ll shove those plastic masks so far up your arse you’ll be shitting tootsie rolls till New Year’s. Now get going, ya cockwombles."
The boys paled under her tirade and immediately dropped Frank’s stolen candy. “Uh, sorry Ma’am. Mommy. Miss. Miss, uhhh– We’re going now.” Throwing several fistfuls of their own candy into Frank’s bag, the boys tore off into the night.
Sir Pentious stared up at Cherri with a warm flush beneath his mask. "I- th-thank you, Misss Bomb. But I had the ssituation fully under control! Your intervention was unnecessary!”
“You’re welcome, ya cunt.” she elbowed him gently in the ribs. Pentious helped Frank to his little feet and fixed his mouse ears.
"Did you see that?" Charlie whisper-shrieked to Vaggie. "She did something completely unselfish to help another person! The exercise is working!!"
"You're right, babe." Vaggie smiled. "I never thought I'd see it."
"Holy shit, do those kids have firecrackers?"
"And there goes the good feeling," Vaggie groaned. The group took off yelling after the Australian pyromaniac.
When they finally caught up with the wide-eyed troublemaker, she was laughing with a group of boys- some appeared to be in their late teens, the rest college aged. She took a long drag of a cigarette, which she offered to Angel as he approached and immediately began flirting.
“Who’s up for a little fun?” Cherri grinned at the group of Sinners, brandishing a handful of small fireworks.
“Where did you get those?!” Charlie gaped at the explosives.
“I flashed some tit at the older boys and they were more than happy to share their haul. C’mon, let’s fuck shit up!” and she was off again, toilet paper in one hand and bombs in the other.
“Recklesss property damage? Oh, how– what are they doing with those eggss ?!” Sir Pentious trailed off with a wail. The group turned to watch a fistful of eggs crash against the vinyl siding of the house. He scooped the Egg Bois up in his arms and shielded their eyes. He turned around and hid them safely behind a parked car. The eggs, ever oblivious, used this unexpected break to start sorting their candy.
Angel laughed and grabbed a handful of eggs and launched them at the top floor bay window. “So whose house is this?”
“Our asshole professor. He failed all of us on our midterm and refused to let us re-take it.” replied one boy with a horrible mustache.
“You don’t look old enough for college,” Husk glanced at the younger boys, accepting the proffered carton of eggs.
“I’m supporting my older brother.” the kid shrugged while opening another bag of toilet paper. “And a few of us are going to the same school next year. Figured we’d get a head start on our rivalry.”
Husk huffed a laugh and tossed his first egg. It landed in the center of the wreath hanging on the door.
“Guys, we really should get going.” Charlie nervously shifted her weight from side to side.
“C’mon Charlie, just throw one! ‘When in Rome,’ right? S’a Hallowe’en tradition~” Angel sang, holding out an egg to the princess.
“Well, okay… hand me the toilet paper. I won’t throw an egg even if Sir Pentious isn’t looking.”
Vaggie tossed up her hands in exasperation. “I’ll keep a look out, I guess.”
The demoness walked up to a tree where the younger boys were already hard at work. She took a deep breath and tossed the roll into the air. It fluttered delicately over the tree branches and landed on the damp grass with a soft thump. Charlie grinned, racing to retrieve it. The second toss arched high in the air, catching on several twigs on the way down. She giggled.
Charlie danced around the tree, decorating it until the toilet paper was down to the cardboard roll. Niffty appeared from the shadows and began stabbing the pumpkins. Vaggie swore under her breath in Spanish the entire time.
Suddenly, the porch light turned on.
“Run!” shouted the group of humans. The Sinners took off in the opposite direction, hiding behind a row of parked cars. An old man's voice followed them into the night screaming profanity that would make a sailor reach for the soap.
“That was exhilarating!” Charlie huffed.
“That was stupid ! What if we'd been caught?” Vaggie admonished.
“Eh, lighten up. It's all in good fun.” Angel waved his hands dismissively. He was still holding the stolen cigarette.
Cherri nodded in agreement. “Yeah, the only thing he'll be really pissed about is the mailbox.”
“What mailb–?”
BANG!!
The sound of a small explosion caused them all to jump. Cherri cackled and kicked her feet. Angel collapsed into her side, tears of laughter streaking his makeup. Charlie and Vaggie peeked over the car to see the smoldering remains of the man's mailbox.
“We are leaving this street. Candy be damned, we are getting the hell out of here.” Vaggie dragged the group far away from the scene of the crime.
For the first time that night, Husk wished he'd brought his flask. He stole a drag from Angel's cigarette instead.
"Need another?" Cherri waved the pack in front of him. "Stole it from the ring leader when he was starting at my cleavage."
"Hey, thanks." he nodded.
The group had been walking for hours. Their feet ached and their bags were filled to the brim with every kind of candy they could imagine. Angel whined the loudest of the group, followed by the Egg Bois who were begging to be carried. Niffty had crawled onto Husk's back and was half asleep.
“Shouldn't have worn your hooker heels.” Cherri scoffed, flouncing ahead in her comfortable and practical sneakers.
“I work in these shoes for hours! I thought it'd be fine.”
“Yeah, but you're not exactly on your feet when you're wearing them.” Husk observed. Angel smacked his arm with a playful eye roll.
Possibly-Frank stood in front of Sir Pentious, almost causing him to lose his balance and fall over. “Carry us, Boss?”
“Pretty lady, will you carry me?” One Egg Boi (wait, maybe that was Frank) reached towards Cherri with grabby hands.
“Nah, yeah.” She smiled, handing her bag to Angel. She rested the egg against her hip and clutched the pillowcase with her other hand.
“Her chest pillows are soft!” Exclaimed Frank(?) who was unintentionally groping Cherri. She held the egg at arms length by the scruff of his rat costume.
“Hey! Touch my boobs again and you'll be an omelet on the sidewalk!!”
Somehow, Charlie continued to vibrate with energy and showed no sign of exhaustion. “We should decorate the tree in front of the hotel with that paper!”
“That’s probably going to encourage graffiti… Alastor can only eat so many vandals at a time. Speaking of...” Vaggie glanced at her wristwatch. “Charlie, we’re running out of time. Maybe this should be the last street- we need to allow for travel time back to the muster point.”
“Good point. All right, let's really make these last few houses count!”
The group groaned in response.