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One Friday night Sigma dragged into third wheeling on one of Fyodor and Nikolal's dates. Sigma was miserable for many reasons, for starters he had to third wheel on o date between Fyodor and Nikolai, it's miserable for everyone except Fyodor and Nikolai, second he had to leave work early which is always miserable.
He was sitting in a booth across from Fyodor and Nikolai, they were making out and making strange noises.
Sigma went over to the bar cuz he needs a few drinks to be able to deal with this bullshit. Sigma sat down at the bar and orders a margarita with his trusty fake ID.
Meanwhile in the parking lot Danno had taken his little hellspawn, Riggy to the local Applebees. "Please don't burn this place down. I can't afford to pay for more property damage fees." Danno said with a sigh.
"What??? Now why would you think little of me would commit arson UwU." Riggy said whilst trying to sound as innocent as possible.
Danno sighed knowing very well that he's gonna regret taking Riggy here.
After 10 minutes Danno and Riggy were seated at the table near Nikolai and Fyodor. They were listening to them in silence until Riggy decided to speak.
"I'm going to the bar."
"No you're not."
"Why not?"
"You're under the drinking age."
"Nuh uh."
"Yuh uh."
"Screw you Danno!"
Danno rolls his eyes and picks up his phone and boots up Minecraft pocket edition.
Riggy sits down on a bar stool next to this dude with 5 different hair lengths, a very swag outfit, white and lavender hair, the ugliest Minecraft block looking shoes, very bbg.
Sigma looks at the half rabbit half monkey blue abomination creature.
Riggy decided to make some causal small talk.
"Soooo... what's your name?"
"Sigma. Yours?"
"Riggy."
"Nice."
"Do you come here often?"
"Yeah, the creatures I'm in an organization with make me third wheel on their dates."
"Wow that must suck. Who are the creatures?"
"One is a tall terrorist clown, the other one is a Russian rat dude terrorist that is prehistoric."
"By any chance were they making out?"
Sigma paused for a second not expecting the creature to know that.
"Why yes they were making out."
"Do you wanna put a bomb in their food?"
"Hell yeah."
They sneak into the kitchen and grab a plate of shrimp and put mini bomb in a pile of shrimp.
Riggy walks past Danno with a grin. Danno sighs and goes back to his game.
"Here's your shrimp" Riggy smiles and hopes they don't notice the bomb. Riggy sets down the plate
"Thank you sir." Fyodor said. Nikolai was very confused on how a creature like Riggy could even exist in the first place. Maybe a failed middle school science experiment.
Riggy walks off and hides behind a conveniently placed comically large spoon. He watched for what felt like an eternity they finally got to the bomb.
There was a BOOM.
Nikolai and Fyodor flew in the air like little silly creatures.
"WHAT DA FACKI?I?" Danno screamed in confusion and fear for he too went flying in the air like a silly little creature.
Pete Wentz comes out of a plant. "Nah this shit is crazyy." Patrick Stump comes out
of Pete's mouth. "I agree Pete." Patrick gets on Pete's back and They run into the moonlight while Patrick sings Saturday with Pete singing along.
Riggy is quite confused and so is Sigma who magically spawned out of nowhere "Wtf." Sigma and Riggy said in unison.
"So... Do you wanna steal the moon?" Riggy asked.
Sigma blinked a few times "How on earth are we supposed to do that?" "Lots of rope and a rocket."
"Where are we gonna get those?"
"Home Depot."
They go out to the parking lot and find a Kia Soul that was unlocked and had the keys in it.
"Damn who drives this thing?" Riggy judges.
"Nikolai." Sigma said with a sigh.
Riggy gets in the front seat and sigma is in the passenger seat. Riggy turns on his Spotify and plays California Gurls by Katy Perry.
"UwU!" Riggy screamed
"You like California Gurls too Senpai uwu kawaii desu?" Sigma said
"I love it!" Riggy exclaimed
They get to the magical kawaii Home Depot where dads love to shop.
"WOW IT SO UWU PREPPY IN HERE!!!" Riggy screamed in a high pitched anime girl voice.
Home Depot employee comes up to them
" Hi Welcome to Home Depot, How can I help you?"
Riggy pulls out an AK-47.
"Give me all the rope, screws, galvanised square steel, eco friendly wood veneers and a refrigerator!" Riggy screamed
"The customer is always right hahaha." The Home Depot employee says with a smile, a tear is rolling down their face.
The employee leads them to the back and scans the materials.
"That will be $20,692. Will you be paying cash or card?"
"Neither!" Sigma yelled as he pulled out a nuclear bomb.
"The customer is always right." The employee says while sobbing.
The duo run out of the magical Home Depot and start building the rocket, After 10 minutes the creation was finally completed.
They got in the rocket and flew to da moon.
They thought they would be alone but Nikolai, Fyodor, Danno, Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump were there
"Riggy..."
"Danno..."
Danno pulls out a vacuum cleaner.
"You wouldn't dare..." Riggy whispered.
I'm sorry..." Danno says as he turns on the vacuum and sucks in Riggy and Sigma.
"ΑΑΑΑΑΑΑΑΑΑΑΑAA!!!" The pair screamed in unison as they were sucked inside the vacuum chamber.
Danno turned off the vacuum cleaner with a sigh. "I'm sorry Riggy but it was for the best." Danno said as he took out the vacuum chamber and put it on the ground.
Pete picks up the chamber and tastes it. "It tastes blue..." Pete said on the verge of tears. Patrick tastes it too. "It tastes like you but sweeter..." Patrick said, also on the verge of tears.
They started hugging and then sobbing uncontrollably.
"PETE YOUR MY BESTEST BEST FRIEND!!!"
"NO PATRICK YOUR MY BESTEST BEST FRIEND!!!"
"ΑΑΑΑΑΑΑΑΑΑΑAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" They scream as they explode into rainbow confetti.
The group gasps in disbelief at the sight.
Suddenly someone appeared. Danno didn't recognize him, but fyodor and Nikolai did.
"What are you doing here, Dazai?" Fyodor said in an angry tone.
Dazai was silent and he pulled out a water bottle and slowly poured it in the vacuum chamber.
"I will be leaving now." Dazai said as he picked up the vacuum chamber and walked off.
To be continued...