Archive of Our Own ^beta

☽

Tonight was the first class of second year! I wish I was more excited. School is so boring. I'm in the same class as two of the Sakamaki triplets but not Laito-kun, which is a relief. Laito-kun is a huge flirt but he's kind of weird about it, so I'm glad he's always ignored me. Sayaka-chan is always telling me about him saying perverted stuff, but she likes him for some reason. 

The Sakamakis are very popular, but I don't think they have a lot of friends. They're really rich and supposedly well-connected so I guess they don't really need to bother with normal people. But none of the girls care about that because they're so good-looking. 

I have to admit I do find them distracting, but it's not like I have some delusion that they're ever going to pay attention to me, so I'm not as interested in what they're doing as some people. If it wasn't for Sayaka-chan, I wouldn't even know Kanato-kun was triplets with Laito-kun and Ayato-kun. They look so different, I just assumed Kanato-kun had a different mother. Politicians these days are so corrupt, it wouldn't surprise me.

There's more homework already, and I hate it. My older sister warned me, but I still wasn't prepared. Stupid demon teachers, it's like they don't want us to have lives outside of school! I've decided to start preparing for a second-rate university, just in case. Sayaka-chan says I'm a negative person but I think I'm just being practical. 

☽

I'm starting to wonder if Kanato-kun bringing a stuffed bear to class and talking to it is just one of those things that everyone hopes if they don't talk about it, it'll go away. I mean, I'd seen the bear before so I knew he had it but I didn't realize he talked to it.

He talks to it a lot.

Why is no one talking about this? I mean, it's not against school rules, I'll give him that. It's just really… unsettling. Especially since I don't think I've heard Kanato-kun talking to anyone else. Ayato-kun has shouted at him once or twice but he doesn't even look at Ayato-kun, he just continues his conversation with the stuffed animal like he doesn't want to be rude to it or something. 

Maybe he's mentally handicapped? Like he's unable to progress past age six or something? In which case someone really should be sitting with him and helping him with the harder subjects, but like I said, no one but his brothers talk to him, and they never seem concerned with him falling behind or anything. 

I'm starting to wish I didn't sit so close to him. It's hard to take notes when Kanato-kun is whispering to his bear all the time. 

My sister says she tripped over the oldest Sakamaki brother today and he didn't even wake up. Apparently people are starting to joke that no one can ever use the music room because that guy is always sleeping in it. I think that's pretty rude of him, but I guess it's none of my business.

☽

A new student transferred into my class today! She's really nice and cute, so I'm glad. She seemed kind of nervous though. I'm sure it must be scary moving to another place where you don't have any friends.

Her name is Komori Yui, which I think is a pretty name. 

Sayaka-chan claimed that people saw Yui-chan getting out of the Sakamaki's limousine but I think she's just thirsty for excitement. Yui-chan doesn't seem like the kind of person who would be related to them at all. 

Ugh, they closed one of the bathrooms because the door got all smashed up. They've got to figure out a way to keep hooligans from breaking in at night, this is at least the tenth time something like this has happened to our doors in the last year. I know the buildings aren't well made but honestly, we're a well-funded school. It has to be easier to keep the doors on the hinges than fixing all those cracked walls. 

Ayato-kun cut class today. Sayaka-chan was disappointed, but I didn't really notice the difference. It’s not like he participates most of the time anyway and he sits way in the back. 

I feel bad for thinking it but I kind of wish Kanato-kun would cut class. I could hear him mumbling to his bear when I was introducing myself to Yui-chan. Yui-chan glanced at him once or twice, and I wanted to grab her hand and yell THANK YOU, IT'S WEIRD, ISN'T IT?

I didn't of course, because I mean, I'm not going to say that right in front of him. I'm not a mean person. And maybe he really has problems or is secretly a genius physicist or something who just has other areas of the brain developing at a slower rate.

I'm definitely failing that human anatomy test next week. 

☽

Well, I studied hard, and I just managed to pass the anatomy test! I'm very proud of myself, especially since so much of the class didn't do well. Surprisingly I saw Kanato-kun got 100% so it looks like he isn't mentally handicapped. 

Or else he cheated, because honestly, if he stuffed a cheat sheet in that bear's vest, would anyone actually notice? Though even that would be a moderately smart thing to do so he's probably just really weird. 

Takeru-kun came in late with a huge cast on his leg. We were hoping for an exciting story but he says he just fell really hard down the stairs. Yui-chan didn't even come over to ask, which wasn't like her. But she's had to go to the nurse a lot lately, so maybe she felt too sick to get up. Apparently she's been diagnosed recently with anemia. 

Yui-chan gets really pale sometimes, it's kind of scary. Sometimes I worry she'll faint right in the middle of class. I guess I can understand why Ayato-kun hovers around her, if he knows she's sickly. He probably likes her and wants to make sure she's okay. 

Sayaka-chan has a bandage on her neck, she says because of a bad dog. She wouldn't look at me when she said it though, and she played with her bracelet the whole time like she usually does when she’s nervous. I wonder if she's got a secret boyfriend?

She also really dislikes Yui-chan, which shocked me. She said she thought Yui-chan was a liar and an indecent person, which made me so mad I stopped talking to her. I don't think I believe anything Sayaka-chan says, if she thinks Yui's like that! Just for that I'm going to tell Yui-chan about it. 

☽

Well, Sayaka-chan was right about one thing at least. Yui-chan does come to school in the Sakamaki limo. When I asked her about it, she said that she was sent to live with them for a while while her father's away on business in Europe. I joked that it was too bad she didn't get to be a transfer student in Europe and meet a lot of glamorous people, but it just made her look sad. She really misses her father. 

Apparently the Sakamakis are friends of her father's somehow. Yui-chan didn't seem to understand it any more than I did. I was going to ask more questions, but then Laito-kun and Ayato-kun showed up and talked her into going off with them. They seem like exhausting people.

I tried to apologize to Sayaka-chan, even though I still don't think Yui-chan is any of the mean things she said, because I hate being in a fight with anybody. But Sayaka-chan didn't even seem to hear me. I think she's coming down with something, she was really spaced out all day except for when she saw Laito-kun. 

My sister says it's one of those viruses that goes around the school all the time. Some times of year are worse than others, but girls especially get sick a lot. 

Personally, I blame the cleaning product they use. It makes so many stains and spills look reddish black brown. And it never seems to quite get rid of a layer of crustiness that just shouldn't be there. Ugh!

☽

Sayaka-chan hasn't been in school for three days. Whatever she caught must have been really bad. 

There was this bizarre announcement on the intercom today that got everyone talking. Some strange voice asked for his food to be brought to the science room. Definitely not the principal, or anyone whose voice I've heard before! Hikaru-chan admitted that she thought it was a kind of attractive voice, though I pointed out that it was probably a confused new teacher with a goofy face or sweaty hands.

Then the voice came on again and said something about how if their food doesn't come to the science room it would float in a sea of its own blood! It sounds crazy when I write it down, but that really was what he said! Yumi-chan said it was definitely a senior prank, but what was so weird about it was it wasn't even funny. 

I mean, as Yumi-chan said, it was so absurd it became funny, but there wasn't even any point besides being gross. How could he do anything with his food (rare steak?) if it didn't come? Why was that an announcement? 

I wanted to know what Yui-chan thought but she ran out of the room for some reason. 

Ayato-kun was one of the only ones in the class who wasn't even coming up with theories. He just looked really annoyed that our time was being wasted. I guess Kanato-kun wasn't either, but he never goes along with anything so that's nothing new. 

☽

The creepiest thing happened today!

Kanato-kun actually looked right in my eyes.

I don't know what made him do it. As far as I know he barely realizes I'm alive! It started out as a mostly usual evening at school, except for Sayaka-chan still being absent (I wish I felt comfortable contacting her parents to find out if she's okay, but they work pretty intense daytime jobs and it's hard to get in touch with them) and that I'd forgotten my pencil case at home. So I had to ask Takeru-kun for a pencil sharpener because the only pencil I had was so blunt, and the sharpener he had was one of those weird almost blades? I should have asked a girl, she'd have had something safer.

Anyway, so I cut my finger sharpening my pencil, and I dropped the sharpener because it hurt. The sound must have startled Kanato-kun or something, because the next thing I knew he was looking at me. 

I'll say this for Kanato-kun, he clearly doesn't do things halfway. Either he's completely spaced out and doesn't even seem to know you're in the room or he's staring at you like he's been possessed by an evil spirit. 

And he went on staring at me as I awkwardly grabbed a tissue and tried to wrap up my finger to get it to stop bleeding. I wasn't staring back, of course, I was trying to just pretend he wasn't looking at me but every time I glanced over to see if he'd gotten tired he was still staring. I don't think he even blinked once. 

Then the teacher called on him so he had to look away. What a relief!

I ran to the bathroom first chance I got to clean my finger and put a band-aid on, but I almost didn't get there because this aggressive wannabe yakuza punk started following me, and I was pretty sure if I let myself get cornered something awful would happen. Thank goodness an upperclassman with glasses got in between us who seemed to know the other kid, who he called Subaru. 

Glasses-senpai smiled at me and told me to be more careful and run along. If he hadn't been wearing a uniform, I might have thought he was a teacher. Talk about cool! His voice gave me a weird sense of deja vu, though.

When I got back to class Ayato-kun said he liked my band-aid. It made me really miss Sayaka-chan, because she would have appreciated that way more than me. I don't get it, it's not like my band-aid had cute characters on it or anything. 

Yui-chan was really concerned, even though I told her it was a shallow cut, barely more than a paper cut. I think her own poor health made her into a hypochondriac or something. 

☽

Today I went up to the roof with Hikaru-chan and Yumi-chan to eat lunch. When we got there we saw Laito-kun standing by himself, passionately declaring his love to… no one that we could see?

We looked at each other and immediately went back downstairs. 

Sayaka-chan was listed as a missing person in the news. Hikaru-chan thinks Sayaka-chan went off with a guy before she disappeared. Yumi-chan says maybe he got her pregnant or something or they eloped. Hikaru-chan whispered that she thinks it’s possible he got her hooked on drugs, because Sayaka-chan was acting so weird before she went. 

My sister says if Sayaka-chan was on drugs then she's definitely not the only person at school who is. I agree with her, because it would explain Kanato-kun if nothing else. But all these rumors are so horrible, I feel like I'm going to have nightmares until Sayaka-chan is found. Something bad happened to Sayaka-chan, but that doesn't mean it was her fault.

☽

I think I know what the oldest Sakamaki brother looks like now, because I tripped over someone sleeping in the hallway and Sakamaki Shuu-senpai is the only person with a reputation for sleeping anywhere and everywhere. He opened his eyes, told me I was loud and boring, and went back to sleep. 

Maybe the entire Sakamaki family is on drugs. 

I saw Glasses-senpai again. He asked if I was interested in scientific experiments. When I said I wasn't really sure what he meant, he grabbed my wrist and said I smelled foul. I take back what I wrote before, he's not cool at all!

To my relief, Kanato-kun was not in class today. Yui-chan came in really late, which is pretty usual since she's so sickly. What was weird was the dark stains on the cuffs of her uniform, and the way she totally avoided even looking at me or anyone else the rest of the day. Ayato-kun dragged her out somewhere at lunch and he looked really angry. After lunch he told the teacher that Yui was at the nurse’s office, and she never came back. 

Did Yui-chan try to hurt herself? I'm worried about her.

☽

Yui-chan looked better today, though she still seemed kind of nervous when I asked her how she was feeling. She said her anemia’s been bad lately and she’s been trying to eat more iron-rich foods. I told her that my aunt has anemia too and she just drinks this liquid iron stuff. Apparently it tastes gross, almost like blood or something, but her doctor recommended it and it’s helped a lot! So I thought maybe she could ask the school nurse about getting a prescription.

But Yui-chan kind of freaked out and said really emphatically that she didn’t want to drink anyone’s blood, even though I told her it wasn’t literally blood, it was a vitamin supplement. I guess she’s squeamish about that sort of thing. 

And then I almost jumped out of my skin because suddenly I heard Kanato-kun right behind me say, “But if you had to choose between dying and drinking something like that… wouldn’t you drink, Yui-san?”

Yui flushed, and said that she absolutely wouldn’t, because she’d rather die with a soul that’s free of sin. And Kanato laughed and just said, “Really? I wonder…”

At this point I definitely felt like there was a conversation going on that I wasn’t supposed to be part of, but I still couldn’t help saying, “But you probably won’t die of anemia, Yui-chan! And I mean, I’m not a Christian so I guess I don’t really know, but wouldn’t God want you to take your vitamins if it was a choice between life and death? Not that I really get why it would be…”

Well, I’ve never heard Kanato-kun laugh that hard before! It actually made him seem more like a normal person, which was kind of a relief. Yui didn’t laugh, but she made kind of a weird sheepish face so I guess at least I lightened the mood. 

“This human isn’t completely stupid,” Kanato-kun said, when he was done laughing. “I suppose I’ll allow you to go on talking to her for now…”

His expression went vague and unfocused again and he wandered away after that, muttering to his bear about apples or something. 

“Does he really think you need his permission to talk to anyone?” I exclaimed. “I can’t believe that guy, what nerve!”

Yui-chan just sighed and told me to forget about it because ‘at least Kanato-kun is in an agreeable mood now’.  I remembered that she’s stuck living with them until her father comes back from Europe and felt bad so I let her change the subject. 

Hikaru-chan told me she has a crush on an upperclassman. Apparently Yumi-chan made fun of her because she thinks Hikaru-chan always crushes on unavailable guys like teachers and celebrities but Hikaru-chan swears that this time it isn’t like that. She says she met him in the science lab when she was cleaning up after chemistry club and he complimented her on what a thorough job she was doing. I’m happy for her, even if I think it’s sort of rude that he didn’t offer to help her clean. 

☽

Today Laito-kun suggested a threesome with Yui-chan and me. 

I was so embarrassed I couldn't say anything. Fortunately, Yui-chan seems to know how to deal with him, and Ayato-kun came over to fight with him so we got away after that. 

Yui-chan apologized for their terrible behavior and I told her she wasn't responsible. She said they didn't like her having friends and that it was probably better if I didn't talk to her anymore. 

I said I wasn't going to stop being friends with her just to make the Sakamakis happy. They always get what they want in this school, they should grow up and stop treating her like she belongs to them!

Then she said the strangest thing. "Do you hate them because of Sayaka-chan?"

Of course I asked her what in the world she was talking about. Had she seen Sayaka-chan? Did she have information for the police? Did she know who Sayaka-chan had been with before she disappeared?

"I thought you knew,” she said, not looking at me. "Laito-kun and Sayaka-chan… I shouldn't have said anything. I'm so sorry."

Then she ran away. 

I don't understand. 

☽

Hikaru-chan doesn’t remember anything that happened at school yesterday. It’s really scary because we can’t even figure out exactly what she was doing right before before her memories just… stop. She went to school like normal, sat down at her desk, was there when attendance was called… she’s not even sure she remembers that, although Yumi-chan remembers that Hikaru-chan was there. At some point, Hikaru-chan got up and left, probably to go to the bathroom, and she didn’t come back. 

Hikaru-chan says she must have fallen asleep, because she woke up in the science lab and saw that classes were over. We found her not long after that, and Yumi-chan was so relieved she started crying a little. We made Hikaru-chan promise she wouldn’t go anywhere alone from now on because we still don’t know what happened to Sayaka-chan.  

When we were alone, I asked Yumi-chan if there was any possibility that Laito-kun was Sayaka-chan’s secret boyfriend. At first she laughed but then she got this seriously troubled look on her face. 

“Do you remember the girl last year who went crazy and tried to jump off the roof?”

“Well, yeah…” It would be pretty hard to totally forget something like that, although I have to admit I really did try. Fortunately I wasn’t a witness, but I remember people talking about it, and no one being allowed on the roof for months. She was a couple years ahead of us, though my sister didn’t know her either. 

In the end she must’ve decided to transfer out of the school, because eventually everyone just stopped talking about the incident. 

“Do you know why she did it?”

I frowned. “Well, not for sure but there were all sorts of rumors, weren’t there? Sayaka-chan said she heard that girl thought she could fly…”

Yumi-chan shook her head. “That’s not what I heard. I heard she said Laito-kun told her to jump.”

Sometimes you hear something so horrible that you kind of go into shock and just refuse to understand it. That’s what happened to me when Yumi-chan said that. I didn’t even go “no way!” or “that’s impossible!” because my head just… couldn’t make sense of what she was saying for a moment. 

“And it wasn’t like a careless ‘you’re really annoying, why don’t you just die?’ thing that she took too seriously, either,” Yumi-chan went on, because I couldn’t find the words to express what I was feeling. “It was something like… ‘if you love me, prove it by jumping off the roof.’ It almost sounded like she’d expected he would catch her.” 

“But if she took that seriously, she definitely wasn’t in her right mind,” I blurted out. “I mean, even if it’s true, we can blame Laito-kun for taking advantage of her and saying something horrible, but it’s not like he actually made her jump. He probably thought she’d never do it for real.”

“Yeah, probably…” Yumi-chan didn't look totally convinced though.

It isn’t that I want to defend Laito-kun, of all people, who always gave me the creeps no matter how much he made Sayaka-chan laugh. But he’s just our classmate, isn’t he? He’s just an obnoxious teenage boy who treats girls badly, like most of them. It’s way too much to believe that he’s guilty of anything as bad as… as actually wanting someone dead. 

In the end we didn’t end up really talking about whether Sayaka-chan was going out with Laito-kun or not. I guess it’s possible Yui-chan just meant that Laito-kun was mean to Sayaka-chan before shen disappeared… 

But then why did Yui-chan run away from me?

☽

Today Kanato-kun just got up in the middle of class and left. When the teacher demanded to know where he was going, he said, "Teddy is bored. We're going for a walk."

I don't know if drugs would adequately explain his weirdness, to be honest. It's like that stupid bear has some kind of creepy hold over his mind. Does he ever do anything without consulting it?

Hikaru-chan is feeling a bit better, since it's been a few days and she doesn't have any more gaps in her memory. She said there was a weird aftertaste in her mouth that's gone away now, like she drank something strange. I asked her what kind of weird aftertaste, like was it bitter or sweet or like anything she’d had before? She had to think about that, but eventually she said it was sort of bitter, like a black tea her mom brought back from Paris once. 

I don’t know why I thought that would be helpful, it’s not like I’m Sherlock Holmes. 

The last few days, I haven’t really been talking to Yui-chan, though I’m not sure if I’m avoiding her or she’s avoiding me. I feel like I should ask her to tell me more about Laito-kun, but part of me wonders if I really want to know. Besides, it’s not like it’s easy to get her alone. Ayato-kun practically jumps out of his seat to bother her whenever there’s a break in class, and he’s gotten scolded a couple times by teachers for throwing crumpled pieces of paper at the back of her head.

Even Kanato-kun seems annoyed by Ayato-kun’s behavior. When we were all getting up to go eat lunch I thought I heard Kanato-kun muttering something to his bear about obnoxious people ruining his appetite just as Yui-chan ducked away from Ayato-kun, who was trying to steal a kiss from her. 

I don’t know how to feel about even partially agreeing with Kanato-kun on anything. 

My sister told me somebody found a girl passed out in the library. She's okay now, but it was a big deal because she's a professional idol who doesn't even get to go to school much. 

I wish I felt like I could approach her, or I’d try to find out if she remembered how she got there or if she just woke up disoriented and scared like Hikaru-chan. 

☽

I finally had a chance to speak to Yui-chan without the Sakamaki brothers around, since we were put on cleaning duty together. It was awkward at first but she seemed to relax a little when Ayato-kun and Kanato-kun left.

“It seems like it must be exhausting living with them,” I offered. “I mean, I don’t know about the other three brothers, but…”

Yui-chan made a face. “There’s not a person in that house who isn’t insane,” she said with feeling. 

“Even their father? Or, well, I’ve never heard about his wife but…” I was sort of joking but Yui-chan’s shoulders stiffened. 

“I’ve never met that person.”

“Oh.” I guess it makes some sense, Sakamaki Tougo is important enough that he’s probably away a lot, and he’s rich enough that he can afford to have other people looking after his sons. “And I guess their mom isn’t around either?”

Yui’s mouth tightened. “There were three different mothers. I don’t think any of them are still alive. It’s better not to ask… it upsets everyone, but especially Ayato-kun, Laito-kun and Kanato-kun.”

“Oh.” That made me… surprisingly sad. I bet the triplets must have loved their mother a lot, or maybe she died pretty recently.

Then again, I guess it’s never easy to lose a parent. 

We stuck to safer subjects for a while after that, like homework and the weather. But eventually I couldn’t help mentioning that I was worried about Hikaru-chan, who’d had this strange thing happen to her. And Yui-chan said the weirdest thing.

“Maybe it’s better than she can’t remember.” 

She looked so sad when she said it, I just couldn’t argue with her, even though I’m not sure I agree. If it was something really bad that happened to Hikaru-chan, isn’t it important to know what happened and who was responsible so she can do something about it, or at least avoid it happening again? Not to mention the stress of not even knowing if it was actually something bad or if she just hit her head or developed narcolepsy or something!

Well, we didn’t really get to finish the conversation but I don’t know if it would’ve mattered, since it seemed like after that Yui-chan was trying extra hard to act cheerful and then she left faster than anyone else. I guess either the Sakamaki limo was waiting for her or she had some important errands to run before going home. 

Or maybe she just didn’t want to talk anymore. 

I wonder if her father knows how unhappy she is living with the Sakamaki family. 

☽

I was waiting for my sister in the library after school today when Laito-kun showed up. I assumed he was there to meet some girls or maybe even study, but when I looked away and pretended to be interested in the books on the shelf next to me, suddenly I got this intensely creepy feeling and he was right next to me, like he’d teleported or something. I almost screamed, but remembered in time that we were in the library so it was more like a muffled shriek. 

“My, my,” he said, leaning in so close that I recoiled instinctively. “You’re not my usual type, but I suppose I could consider making an exception just this once. Aren’t you grateful?”

And I just… stared at him, thinking there was no way this could possibly be happening. At school, the Sakamaki brothers are basically gods and I’m just a peasant. I could think of at least ten girls who would die on the spot to get an offer like that from Laito-kun… which made it make even less sense. I’ve never even liked Laito-kun, why would he suddenly try to hit on me?

“You’re joking, right?” I blurted out. It had to be some sort of nasty prank, where he was hoping I’d say yes so he could laugh at me and leave. 

Laito-kun frowned and said that was a boring answer, which at first I hoped meant he was going to go away and sexually harass someone else, but then he put his hand out to lean against the bookshelf and his sleeve rode up his arm and suddenly I saw a flash of dark green beads flecked with red and yellow. 

I think he said something else to me, I can’t remember what it was because I was just staring at his wrist because I knew those beads. 

Laito-kun was wearing Sayaka-chan’s bracelet. 

I froze up, and he noticed. 

“Ah, you like it? I got it from a pretty shameless girl. It’s not exactly my usual style, but…”

“That belongs to Sayaka-chan,” I blurted out. 

I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t for him to just frown the tiniest bit, tilt his head like he’d been asked a strange math problem and go, “…Sayaka-chan? Was that her name? I can’t remember.”

And then Laito-kun laughed.

I was so angry I almost couldn’t breathe. For a second, I actually thought I was going to hit him.

But then I heard my sister calling me, and reality crashed back down on me. Even if I was the sort of girl who beats up guys, which I’m not, Laito-kun is one of the most popular guys in school and his family is loaded. I’d probably get sued to hell and back and totally ostracized by the student body if I did any sort of damage to him. 

It was hard to remember that when he laughed again and caught my chin with his hand. “Oooh, what a scary expression! Maybe I could have fun with you after all, little miss nobody…”

I tried to pull away, but his grip was incredibly strong. I couldn’t believe how cold his hand was too, like he’d just dipped it in icy water. He was wearing a jacket and that stupid brimmed hat too, how could he be so cold? It’s not even winter yet…

“There you are!” My sister barged in and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see her in my life. “Stop flirting and come on, we’re going to miss the bus!”

A flash of annoyance crossed Laito-kun’s face but just as quickly his big smile was back. Actually, it was so quick that I suddenly wondered if he was really as cheerful a guy as he’d always seemed to be. 

“What a shame… I guess I’ll have to find another girl to play with.” He let go of me with another little laugh, Sayaka-chan’s bracelet disappearing beneath his sleeve again. “You should be more careful about the company you keep, you know.”

“You’re the one who came over to me,” I snapped, because I assumed he was talking about himself and I didn’t want my sister to get any ideas. But his smile widened and he laughed again in an almost pitying way. 

“No, you invited me. Because…” He leaned in again, his voice dropping. “You smell like a slut.”

“Excuse me?!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. What does that even mean?!

My sister tugged my arm hard. “We have to go, now.” 

And she dragged me away from Laito-kun, though I had to force myself not to look back at him. I think I was still in shock, though not so much shock that I didn’t realize before we got to the bus stop that my sister was right to just get me out of there before I could start yelling at him. 

At first I thought we weren’t going to talk about it, but later my sister asked me what was going on. Or well, technically she asked if she wanted to know what was going on. 

And I meant to tell things in order, really I did, but what came out was “He was wearing Sayaka-chan’s bracelet.”

At first my sister tried to suggest that it might just be someone else’s incredibly similar looking bracelet, which I told her wasn’t at all likely because bloodstone bracelets aren’t exactly the latest fashion and the beads I saw were discolored in the exact same patterns as Sayaka-chan’s bracelet. Then when she found out he said it was a gift she argued that I had no reason to suspect that was a lie because it made more sense than him stealing it. 

But Sayaka-chan’s grandmother gave her that bracelet before dying and she always, always wore it and played with it whenever she was nervous. I just can’t believe she’d voluntarily give it up for anyone, even Laito-kun. 

I keep remembering how strong his grip was.

I keep remembering how the first time he really seemed to see me was when I got angry at him. Like he was enjoying my anger. Like it was fun for him that I hate him. 

What kind of fun was Laito-kun looking for?

Is it safe for Yui-chan, living with a person like him?

☽

Five of the guys in our class were out sick today. The rumor is that they got into a fight with the youngest Sakamaki brother after school. Whether that means the youngest Sakamaki is a brawling genius or those five were just incredibly weak, I wouldn't know. It was pretty quiet without them, though, they’re always trying to make each other laugh with dumb jokes or asking teachers ridiculous questions just to get a reaction. 

I felt like I shouldn’t bother Yui-chan with more questions about the Sakamakis, so instead I asked her if she wanted to go buy some candy after school at the sweet shop that opened recently. She actually seemed pretty excited so I was feeling good most of the day.

But then she showed up with Kanato-kun trailing behind her.

I hope I didn’t look as visibly taken aback as I felt, because I absolutely was not expecting the damn teddy bear guy of all people. I mean, I still would’ve been unpleasantly surprised if Yui turned up with Ayato-kun, but Ayato-kun actually makes an effort to be social most of the time, so it wouldn’t have been totally shocking. 

“Oh, uh, good evening, Kanato-kun,” I said, because it only seemed polite. “Are you interested in the sweet shop too?”

Not only did he actually meet my eyes, he smiled. Which felt very weird.

“I love sweet things. So when Yui-san told me she was going to such a place, I was very pleased. May I come along?”

That was absolutely unquestionably the most normal three consecutive sentences I’d ever heard from Kanato-kun, though it probably helped that he was just holding the bear at his side instead of involving it directly in the conversation. He’d even asked for permission politely instead of just assuming it was his right to join the group! If he stayed like this, I thought, it wouldn’t be so bad spending time with him. 

“Sure,” I said, though I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little bit apprehensive. “Any dessert lover is welcome!”

Kanato-kun let out a pleased little giggle and Yui looked visibly relieved. “Thank you very much. I’m looking forward to it…” Unfortunately he then proceeded to lift up the bear and look at its black button eyes as his smile widened. “Teddy… be good, all right?” He tucked the bear back under his arm and smiled. “Shall we go?”

Yui gave me another grateful look and hurried to keep up with Kanato-kun as he started walking away. It was an unusually purposeful walk for him. Usually he either drifts around or just suddenly appears from nowhere. 

Either Yui had invited Kanato-kun on purpose for whatever reason, or Kanato-kun just decided to tag along because the Sakamaki triplets have terrible boundaries. Unless… was it possible the Sakamaki brothers were concerned about Yui’s health and were actually making a deliberate effort to have one of them with her at all times in case she fainted or something?  That... didn't seem totally impossible. I mean, Yui has fainted in class before, and actually got an exemption from gym class because of her anemia. And they are responsible for her well-being, after all.

Feeling a renewed sense of hope that the Sakamaki family might not all be as bad as they seemed (apart from Laito-kun) I fell into step with Yui and Kanato-kun… who was telling Yui what kind of sweets Teddy liked best. And Yui was just nodding along and asking questions like this was totally normal despite the obvious fact that stuffed animals can’t eat! 

I don’t even think Kanato-kun is genuinely delusional at this point, I think he must just enjoy making people uncomfortable and dragging them into his bizarre little games. And I was now a participant whether I wanted to be or not, even if I didn’t realize it quite yet. 

Eventually I had to take the lead because Kanato-kun didn’t actually know where he was going. This seemed pretty obvious to me but he still seemed kind of annoyed about it and blamed us for walking too slowly. It was a good thing the sweet shop wasn’t far, because he was getting seriously cranky up until Yui pointed out the sign. Then it was like he completely forgot about his bad mood and he practically skipped inside. 

“Is he okay?” I whispered to Yui in the brief moment when it seemed like he was out of earshot.

She sighed. “Hopefully, yes. He was really upset when he heard I was going to buy candy without him, even though I was going to get him something anyway… I’m sorry, I put you in an awkward position too. I know this wasn’t what you expected when you invited me.”

So I guess either he did just invite himself or Yui-chan invited him as a way to calm him down. Either way, I told her it was okay and she wasn’t to blame, and we went inside. 

At first everything seemed like it would be fine after that. Kanato-kun was in absolute raptures over the displays and Yui-chan seemed really happy too. The employees were really friendly and helpful… but that was when problems started. 

A fairly handsome male employee offered Yui-chan a free bonbon to sample, and I saw Kanato-kun stiffen, turning from the fruit jelly display to glare at them. I guess I’m too naive, because my first thought was that Kanato-kun was offended that she’d been offered a sample instead of him. 

But then when Yui-chan thanked the employee, he winked at her and said the best part of his job was making cute girls happy. Kanato-kun sucked in a harsh, furious breath, practically vibrating with barely suppressed rage. 

I suddenly thought of the day that Yui-chan had mentioned that it was lucky Kanato-kun was in an agreeable mood. I hadn’t thought much of it then, but as Kanato-kun stormed over to intervene all I could think was how glad I was that it wasn’t me he was focused on.

Just as Yui-chan was bringing the bonbon to her lips, Kanato-kun snatched it out of her hand and popped it into his own mouth. 

“Ah… it tastes like there’s orange in it…” 

The employee looked visibly shocked but Yui-chan looked more disappointed than surprised.

“Kanato-kun, I was going to eat that…”

“You should have offered it to me first!” Kanato-kun snarled. I didn’t know it was possible to look so frightening with a chocolate stain on your mouth. And then, out of nowhere, his shoulders started to shake and his breath hitched with a sob. “You were only thinking about yourself… you just forgot about me, didn’t you? DIDN’T YOU?!”

Yui-chan opened her mouth, probably meaning to say something that would calm him down, but the employee made the mistake of interjecting first. 

“Relax, kid, I can give you a free sample too if that’s all you want. That’s no reason to yell at your sister, you know?”

Kanato’s expression changed again, no longer on the verge of tears. Slowly, he turned to the employee with a look of total contempt.

“But that isn’t all I want.” He spoke slowly, the way a teacher speaks to a particularly stupid preschooler. “I want you not to be so free with your gifts and your flirtatious manner. I want you to keep your hands and your eyes to yourself. And I want you to die. Right now.”

Yui-chan caught Kanato-kun by the arm. “Kanato-kun, don’t!”

“Why not?” Kanato-kun whirled on her, eyes blazing. “What reason do you have to protect someone like him?”

It was, I remember, incredibly warm in the store at that moment, like someone had accidentally turned the thermostat up to the maximum. I know it wasn’t just me because behind them I saw another customer pulling off his jacket and a woman rolling up the sleeves of her sweater. 

“I’m not protecting him!” Yui-chan fired back. “I’m protecting the candy!”

Even Kanato-kun seemed taken aback by this unexpected response, though it did startle a laugh out of him. “What? Explain what you mean.”

“It’s all going to melt at this rate… so please just calm down and look at me, Kanato-kun.” Proving that she was absolutely the bravest person in the store, Yui-chan put her hands on Kanato-kun’s shoulders and looked straight into his eyes. “I didn’t forget about you. I was only trying the candy to make sure it was sweet enough for your tastes. I know you don’t like chocolate when it’s bitter.”

Kanato-kun’s eyes went wide. “…Really?” His voice was small and uncertain, and something about it combined with the way he clung to her arms made me incredibly uncomfortable. It seemed obvious that Yui-chan was just trying to calm him down, but… it was almost like he was afraid if she stopped paying attention to him that he would cease to exist. 

“Yes.” Yui-chan smiled, and I found myself praying it would be enough, even if I didn’t exactly know who or what I was praying to.

For what had to be the world’s longest minute Kanato-kun studied her face intently. When he finally sighed and told her the chocolate was sweet enough I realized I’d been holding my breath. The rest of the customers, who had been as frozen with terror as me, tentatively started going about their business again, though the male employee seemed to be creeping away towards the staff door. 

That was when I noticed Kanato’s bear was lying on the floor by his feet, seemingly forgotten. Somehow that was what made me decide it still wasn’t safe to go over to them. 
 
I saw Kanato-kun whisper something into Yui-chan’s ear. Of course I couldn’t hear him, but it seemed likely from the way she blushed and pushed him away right afterwards that it was something dirty. Again, not what I expected from Mr “My Best Friend Is A Kid’s Toy” but it was becoming rapidly clear to me that I really, really did not know what Kanato-kun was capable of. 

Kanato-kun laughed. “Would you be less embarrassed if we went outside?”

“Now?” Yui-chan looked nervous. For a moment she glanced away and our eyes met, but she looked away again so quickly it was almost a flinch. 

“I’m hungry,” Kanato-kun snapped. 

“Okay, fine, I’ll meet you outside, okay?” Yui-chan said quickly, crouching down to pick up the teddy bear. She dusted the bear off very gently before solemnly presenting it to Kanato-kun, who snatched it back without a word. 

To her, anyway. 

“Teddy, what were you doing down there? You mustn’t be bad, or I’ll have to consider spanking you…”

I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that he said that to a stuffed animal or the fact that he was grinning when he said it. 

Yui-chan blushed again and told him to wait outside for her while she paid for the candy she was planning on buying. I half expected Kanato-kun to argue or insist on hovering behind her like an annoying purple shadow, but surprisingly he just giggled to himself and drifted away, leaving the shop without complaint. 

I rushed to Yui-chan the moment the door closed behind him. “Are you okay? What was that, anyway?!”

She just sighed, handing a box of milk chocolates and a bag of fruit gummies to the cashier, who looked as shell-shocked as me. “I’m sorry it turned out like this. You should stay here and have a nice time, okay? I have to go home with Kanato-kun before he gets upset again. He hates waiting.”

“But-“ 

Yui-chan shook her head. “I can’t explain. I’m really sorry, but it’s just better if you don’t know. Please, stay here. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And she practically ran out of the store.

Well, how could I be satisfied with that? I mean, the last thing Sayaka-chan said to me was also “I’ll see you tomorrow.” There was just no way I could stand around looking at sweets, pretending nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

But I also didn’t want to get Yui-chan in trouble with Kanato-kun, so I went to the store window and peered around the display, hoping I could catch a glimpse of them without being seen. 

Outside, Yui-chan presented Kanato-kun with the bag of sweets and he took it almost carelessly, with the bear tucked under his arm. She looked nervous, but he seemed to have calmed down. Kanato-kun smiled and said something that clearly alarmed her, but just as she started to move away he caught her wrist, pulling her closer. 

Yui-chan squeezed her eyes shut, as though she were anticipating a slap, but Kanato-kun let her go and stroked her cheek, murmuring something only for her ears. Slowly, she opened her eyes again as he cupped her cheek. 

I guess now I’m writing it all down it doesn’t seem so surprising that he kissed her after that.

Still, it shocked me. Especially since it’s not like she struggled against it or pushed him away or anything. And considering how angry and out of control Kanato-kun had been just moments ago, it was strange to see him kiss Yui-chan so tenderly. 

Eventually they pulled apart, and I saw Yui-chan say something briefly, after a furtive glance at the shop. Kanato-kun smiled, playing with her hair, and seemed to agree. 

They walked out of my line of sight, hand-in-hand. 

It’s not that I never thought to wonder if Yui-chan was dating one of the Sakamaki brothers, but I always thought if she was it would be Ayato-kun. I don’t think I ever even considered the possibility that Kanato-kun might want a girlfriend. I mean, he spends more time talking to his stupid bear than to girls or boys who aren’t his brothers so—

Well. Now that I think about it, he’s always paid attention to Yui-chan. It just isn’t the kind of overbearing obvious attention she gets from Ayato-kun and Laito-kun… who definitely don’t act like they think she’s with their brother. 

So either Yui-chan and Kanato-kun are in a secret relationship, or Kanato-kun’s brothers know and are actively trying to steal their triplet’s girlfriend, or Yui-chan and Kanato-kun aren’t in a relationship at all. I guess the last one is the simplest explanation, but it didn’t seem like their first kiss. Not that kissing is the same thing as dating, of course…

Ugh, I’ve let myself get totally distracted! It’s really none of my business who Yui-chan kisses, and anyway it doesn’t explain anything that’s happened. Whatever is wrong with the Sakamaki brothers has been there since before she moved here. And I know there’s something, because Yui-chan outright told me it was better if I didn’t find out. 

But how can I just close my eyes to what’s been happening right in front of me? How can I believe that staying ignorant will keep me safe? It’s not like it helped Sayaka-chan. It certainly didn’t help me when Laito-kun cornered me in the library!

I know I need to be careful. But I can’t pretend I’m not scared.

☽

They found Sayaka-chan’s body in the river. 

There’s going to be an autopsy, because the cause of death wasn’t entirely clear. She knew how to swim, so I don’t believe that she just fell in the water and drowned, but the police told her family that there were no bumps or bruises on her head that would suggest she was knocked violently unconscious. No signs of strangulation or stabbing either… just a few faded hickies and a small pair of wounds they think was probably caused by some animal biting her leg. 

The news report didn’t mention the hickies or the bites, probably out of respect for her family. It’s bad enough that one of the police officers made some comment to her mother about Sayaka-chan being “that type of girl.” As though they’ve got any right to judge her!

I went down to the station. It was stupid, I know that now, but I was so upset and when I heard that Sayaka-chan’s bracelet definitely wasn’t on Sayaka-chan’s body… well, I just felt like they should know about Laito. 

And at first they were really interested! They said that they definitely wanted to know any boys who Sayaka-chan might have been with before she went missing, that having her bracelet, if it was proved to be her bracelet, would make him a major suspect or at least a person of interest… 

“What’s his name?”

“Sakamaki-“

And right there I saw their expressions change and my heart dropped along with their pencils.

“-Laito.” 

A long, cold silence followed. And the worst part was that I understood. Everyone knows the Sakamaki family is rich and powerful. Sakamaki Tougo is a rising star in the Diet, but even before they got into politics it seemed like the Sakamaki family ran this town. 

“Little lady,” one of the police officers said at last, in a gently condescending tone that made me bristle. “Are you sure there isn’t something else going on here?”

“What?” I knew he was about to shut me down, I could just feel it, but I wasn’t going to just back off and make it easy for him. 

“Like maybe young master Sakamaki dumped you and started dating your friend,” another officer suggested. “And this is your way of trying to get back at them both.”

My jaw dropped. “No!” I said, a bit too loudly. “I’ve never been interested in Laito-kun that way! And that still doesn’t explain how he ended up with her bracelet-"

“Maybe she gave it to him,” the first officer said, still in that gentle voice. “As a lover’s token. You said yourself that she really liked him.”

“Not enough to give him a bracelet from her grandmother!” But they weren’t listening, and I knew I’d lost my chance to convince them—if I’d ever had that chance at all. Frustrated tears stung my eyes. “Why would he only wear it the one time, almost concealed? Why would he let me see it and then never wear it again as far as I can tell?”

The officers exchanged a look. One of them—he seemed to be the oldest, perhaps he was in charge—hesitated for a moment.

“Young lady… how well acquainted are you with the Sakamaki boys?”

“Not well at all,” I admitted. “Until recently, I didn’t think any of them noticed I was alive.”

“Then how do you know that he wasn’t wearing the bracelet on other occasions? From your description, you didn’t see it on his wrist yourself until you were in close contact with him, for that brief moment. He might very well have been wearing it all along.”

I couldn’t argue with that. At least, not in a way that made me sound more believable and not like I wasn’t some crazy stalker with a grudge against Laito-kun. 

“And let’s say he did put it on only to tease you—“

“To tease me?!” My voice rose, outraged. “This wasn’t teasing, it was—“

“It still does not prove that he knew anything about her disappearance or death. Perhaps young master Sakamaki is a cruel boy. That does not make him a murderer.” 

“…You’re right.” I had to say it. I was defeated, utterly.

The officer glanced around at the others. “I don’t think there’s any need to take this further. Please remember to keep this girl’s name out of your reports. In fact… probably better to keep this entire conversation off the record.”

They weren’t even going to keep a record of the conversation! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

And yet, a part of me had known it would be this way. 

No one wants to believe there's anything wrong with the Sakamaki family.

☽

Yui-chan knows something. 

I was reading through my earlier entries, and I saw something I’d almost forgotten about: the time that Yui said “I thought you knew” about Sayaka-chan and Laito-kun. I must have thought she was talking about them secretly dating or something, but… now I wonder. She asked if I hate them. She’s tried to keep me away from them too, hasn’t she? If anyone would know what’s really going on with those brothers, it’s her. She’s been living with them, after all. 

I don’t want to put Yui-chan in danger, but… if she’s living with them, if she’s dating Kanato-kun, then she’s already in danger, isn’t she? I should just ask her. I know I can’t go to the police now, that no one actually wants to solve Sayaka-chan’s murder. But I need to know what happened. I keep dreaming about Sayaka-chan, horrible nightmares. I’m going to be haunted the rest of my life if I don’t get some answers. 

If Laito-kun killed Sayaka-chan… why? Did she find out something he had to silence her for? It’s not like… he hasn’t killed other people, right? We’d hear about it if there had been more deaths. 

Wouldn’t we?

Girls are always getting sick in this school. Students transfer in and out all of the time. Some only stay for a few months. It’s an unusual school, expensive tuition and all the classes happen at night, so it makes sense that not everyone would want to stick with it. At least, that’s what my sister says. 

Is it really normal how soon the news moved on from Sayaka’s death? They said it was a suicide, but they didn’t even want to investigate, did they? Or at least, they stopped wanting to investigate the moment the name of Sakamaki was brought up. 

No one else lives like the Sakamaki family. I’ve walked past the gates of their mansion, though you can barely see it from the outside. They have so much land, it’s practically a private kingdom in there. You’d think they’d throw parties or invite people over, but I’ve never heard of anything like that happening in all the years I've lived here. 

And then there’s Yui-chan. 

She told me she isn’t related to them at all, and had never met any of them before she was sent to live with them. Her father is a priest and they lived very humbly in a different prefecture until recently. When I asked what her connection to them was then, why her father would send her to these horrible rich brats, she got very agitated and mumbled something about how she’s still trying to understand that herself.

Is Yui-chan really their guest, or is she their prisoner?

☽

It’s not easy to get Yui alone for a conversation. When one or more of the triplets aren’t completely monopolizing her, which is most of the time, it’s either a situation where talking would be inappropriate (like a class) or we’re doing some group activity like chores or a project. I managed to pull her aside in the girls bathroom after school today, when we were both on classroom cleaning duty. I knew I didn’t have much time, so I got straight to the point.

“Yui-chan, do you think Laito-kun is responsible for Sayaka’s death?”

What little color there was in her face drained away completely, her eyes suddenly wide with unmistakable terror. “Y… you shouldn’t go around saying things like that!” she hissed, glancing around almost frantically.

She didn’t say that I was wrong.

“Why? Because it’s true?”

“Because it’s not safe to ask those questions!” Yui grabbed my hand suddenly, her grip almost frantic. “You need to be more careful. About what you say… about what you do. About who you talk to. If they remember your face, or your name, they’ll do bad things to you. Terrible, cruel things. Things that make you question your own soul.” Her voice shook. “There’s no winning against them. Do you understand? If I tell you the truth, you won’t believe me. If you believe me, it doesn’t matter, because no one will believe you. No one will help you, not even…” She swallowed, her hand darting up to the rosary around her neck, then falling back down, defeated. “No one.”

I stared at her, at a complete loss for words, though my stomach was churning. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this… this confession. This look of utter despair, of heartbreaking grief and sadness. 

It was so much worse than anything I could have imagined.

Sayaka… before you died, did you feel this way? Or were you lucky enough to die suddenly, without understanding just how meaningless your hopes and dreams were about to become?

I wish I’d managed to say something. Anything. But before I could find the words, she dropped my hand and rushed out into the hall, almost walking right into Ayato-kun.

“Oi, tiny tits, I was looking for you!” His words were rude and careless, but the arm he put around her wasn’t. “Are you crying? The great me is right here now, so you can relax.” For a moment, he almost looked… not concerned, but at least affectionate.

“I’m fine. Let’s just go home.” Yui’s voice was slightly muffled, but it had a tone I hadn’t heard before. Was it intentional manipulation, I wondered suddenly, the way she burrowed into his chest and encouraged him to hold her?

“Sure, sure, let’s go.” He laughed a little, petting her hair. “You’re so cute…”

Maybe if I’d retreated back into the bathroom right then, nothing else would have happened. But I didn't.

Ayato-kun glanced around, and his gaze fixed quite suddenly on me. “Hey.” His tone hardened. “What’re you staring at, huh?”

“Nothing.” I started to turn away, but faster than I could turn he was suddenly in front of me, his hand gripping my jaw and forcing my face up to meet his glare. 

“I don’t like that look in your eyes.” His grip tightened, so painful I gasped. “Haha… that’s much better. Heh… when you’re afraid, you’re kind of cute…”

“Ayato-kun!” Yui’s voice was as sharp and sudden as a slap. “Leave her alone, or I’m going home with Kanato-kun instead of you!”

A flash of rage crossed Ayato-kun’s face, but he didn’t let go of me. Slowly, he smiled—a terrible, ominous smile that made my stomach churn. When he smiled like that, he looked almost exactly like Laito-kun.

“Jealous, tiny tits? Heh heh… you’re so transparent. Trying to piss me off by talking about my brothers… they’ve already gone home, anyway.”

“Actually, I’m right here.”

I screamed at the sudden appearance of Kanato-kun, and Ayato jumped, dragging me with him and looking almost as startled as I felt. 

“Don’t sneak up on me like that, Kanato! Damn hysteric…”

“You weren’t paying proper attention,” Kanato-kun said, blinking slowly. “Have you found a new toy to play with, Ayato? Poor neglected Yui-san… Don't worry, I’ll take good care of her. Much better care than you've been giving her.”

Ayato-kun let out a growl and shoved me away from him. I stumbled and hit the wall, clinging to it desperately. My knees were shaking too much to make running away an option worth considering, and even if they hadn’t been, could I really outrun Ayato-kun? My best chance, I understood instinctively, was to be as still and inconspicuous as possible. 

After all, Yui-chan was the one they really wanted. And… and she would be all right, wouldn’t she? They cared about her, at least a little. I’d seen that much. That was what she’d been trying to tell me all along, that it was better they hurt her than me because she was more likely to survive their assaults.

And yet, it turned my stomach to think that, because no matter what they thought, Yui-chan clearly wasn’t all right. She was brave, and she was strong, but she hadn’t just been crying to get Ayato-kun’s attention. What I’d seen in the bathroom was her real feelings.

I watched Ayato-kun grab Yui-chan roughly, forcing himself on her, and I saw the way she barely struggled anymore. There was an awful resignation in the way she accepted his kiss, even the way she batted his hands away as she tried to keep him from groping under her skirt. 

“Ayato-kun, please, let’s just go-”

What happens at home? At the Sakamaki mansion, where no one but this awful, depraved family can hear Yui-chan scream? What happens every night when she goes back there, with all three triplets eager to molest her? Are the other three Sakamaki brothers any better? How could they possibly be?! I don’t know why I’m even asking the question!! Their father is a corrupt politician who probably pays the police to bury reports of all the horrible things his sons do!!!

But I wasn’t thinking of that in the moment. All I was thinking about was how to get away, how to stay as still and be as unremarkable as possible. I’d never realized before just how lucky I was to be a nobody in this school, to not be worth the trouble of tormenting. 

And now that I realized it, it was too late.

Ayato-kun was fully focused on Yui-chan again, but that left Kanato-kun on his own. I saw Yui’s eyes meet mine for a split second, as Ayato-kun was whispering in her ear and leading her away, but she was really looking at Kanato-kun. I think... I think she was worried about leaving me alone with him.

“Kanato-kun!” The moment she said his brother’s name, Ayato-kun stiffened. “You’re… you’re coming home soon too, right?”

The rage that twisted Ayato-kun’s face was as sudden as it was horrifying. In an instant, he slammed her against the wall, so hard I was afraid he was going to crack her head, both hands gripping her wrists and forcing them up on either side of her face. “Shut up! You belong to me, you understand? Me! If I catch you with his smell on you again… I’ll kill you. I mean it.”

Kanato-kun giggled, and that was when things went from bad to worse.

“My, my, Ayato-kun. If you treat her so harshly, is it any wonder she prefers to spend time with other men?” Laito-kun emerged from a nearby classroom, strolling up with a casual air that only terrified me more. Both he and Kanato-kun seemed like they weren't taking this seriously at all, like they thought Ayato-kun had just done something mildly unpleasant or embarrassing rather than physically assaulting and threatening to kill Yui-chan, who was a girl they actually all seemed to like, in their own weird way. “Bitch-chan doesn’t like those kind of bruises. Isn’t that right, bitch-chan?”

The more I think about it, the more it makes me sick.

Yui-chan swallowed, and it made my heart ache even more to see her try to hold her head up with dignity. “Please, Ayato-kun, just let go of me. We can get takoyaki and forget all about this, okay?”

“Hmm… I’m not really sure that’s what he wants to eat right now, you know?” Laito-kun grinned. Ugh, his disgusting sense of humor!

But Yui-chan ignored him, focusing completely on Ayato-kun. “Ayato-kun… please...”

Ayato-kun still looked angry, but he backed off just enough to drag her by her wrist toward the stairwell. “Fine, fine! Let’s just get out of this stupid school already…”

Laito-kun giggled, trailing behind them. “Ah, don’t forget about me… I want to see what happens next...”

But he wasn’t the one who had been forgotten.

Kanato-kun stood alone, watching them go. His shoulders shook—with fury or with tears, I couldn’t tell which. He clutched his teddy bear to his chest, hissing something aggressive under his breath.

Tentatively, I started to get up. When Kanato-kun didn’t immediately turn around, I thought for a second that I might be all right. I took two steps backward, in the opposite direction from where Yui-chan, Ayato-kun and Laito-kun had gone—

“I remember you.” 

The words send a chill down my spine, as did the look on Kanato-kun’s face. It was that intent stare of his that I’d only been on the receiving end of once before—when I cut my finger in class. 

“Poor thing. You really don’t understand anything that’s happened, do you?” He laughed softly. Suddenly, he was right in front of me, touching my cheek with a caress as soft as Ayato’s had been rough. His other hand was on the ribbon of my uniform blouse—wait, where was his teddy bear? Had he really just thrown it away? “Would you like me to explain it to you? In small words, so a dummy like you can understand.”

I could feel my pulse pounding in my ears as he smiled at me. I was terrified, but I also knew I was on the verge of understanding something—something that I wasn’t supposed to know. Was it really this easy? Would Kanato-kun really just tell me?

He giggled. “We’re vampires, stupid.” 

For a moment, it felt like the whole world stood still. Vampires?

VAMPIRES?!

I remembered what Yui-chan had said, what felt like a lifetime ago already. 

If I tell you the truth, you won’t believe me.

If you believe me, it doesn’t matter.

No one will believe you.

Kanato-kun smiled, revealing all his teeth, and for the first time I noticed how sharp his canines looked. Like a fox, or a tiger, or a…

Vampire. A real, live vampire.

I screamed, struggling against him, and Kanato-kun flinched, pulling back with an annoyed expression. “Don’t be so loud, I hate that! And stop struggling. Such a disagreeable woman... You’re really annoying me…”

With everything I had in me, all the hate, anger, desperation and grief that I had been pushing down since the moment Sayaka disappeared, I screamed right in his face, pushing and kicking at him. His hands were strong—much too strong, how could someone who looked so puny and childish have such a strong grip? What am I saying, he’s a VAMPIRE—but he let go of me to clap both hands over his ears and shrank back, practically hissing at me. 

“Shut up! I can’t stand all this noise—“

Which was all I heard before I broke into a run, hurtling myself down the hallway, away from Kanato-kun as fast as I could go. I didn’t stop running until I ran out of breath, two floors away in an empty corridor, where I collapsed in front of a storage closet. There were tears running down my face, and as I tried to wipe them away, something smeared across my cheek.

Blood. When had I started bleeding? I can’t remember now.

Why can’t I remember?

I heard the sound of footsteps approaching, and I froze. If I hid in the storage closet and was found by Kanato-kun, I’d have no escape route. But I was still so out of breath, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to run much further anyway. Maybe it was just a janitor, or another student… Maybe this was all some sort of horrible nightmare, and I’d wake up soon.

But if this is a nightmare, it’s not over yet.

I faintly recognized the handsome upperclassman approaching me, a faint look of distaste on his beautiful face as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Typical. Why do I always have to be the one to clean up the messes those ungrateful little brothers of mine leave behind?”

My heart started pounding again. I had an awful feeling, and it only increased when his eyes fixed on me. Even though he hadn’t introduced himself, I knew already that had to be one of the other Sakamaki brothers.

Another vampire, as cruel and inhuman as the others.

“Get up. I’m already in a bad mood, so I suggest you don’t irritate me further.”

Why did he think that would be good enough to convince me? These Sakamaki brothers really are used to everyone obeying them! “Can you please just leave me alone? I’m not trying to irritate you, but why should I—“

He yanked me up by my blood-streaked hand, startling a yelp out of me. “You’ve injured yourself. How clumsy of you.” He brought my hand close to his face, examining it from all angles. “Was someone chasing you?”

For a moment, I doubted everything. He was weird, sure, but he didn’t seem as bad as the others. Maybe it would be all right to go along with what he wanted, at least for a little bit. “Um. I’m not sure, actually…” I’d run away, but I’d never looked over my shoulder. So I couldn’t honestly say Kanato-kun had been chasing me. Maybe he’d just... let me run from him. 

The handsome upperclassman smiled, his thumb brushing against the inside of my wrist in a way that made me shiver involuntarily. “Very good… Now, you're not planning on causing any more trouble, are you? You know your place.”

The strangeness of that phrase broke through the haze of temporary calm, which was how I realized there even was a haze to begin with. “My… place?”

“Yes. Your place is not to doubt, question or interfere with your betters. You must be obedient and diligently go about your days and nights without stirring up any more fuss.”

We were in the science room. But I can’t remember how we got into the science room. Was I… lying on a table? How did that happen?

I feel like I’ve already forgotten something. Many things. When did I ask him for his name? Wasn’t that before he started telling me all these things?

“Sakamaki Reiji,” he’d said, and his grin had widened so I could see those horrible, sharp fangs, just like the others. Older brother. Tying up the loose ends the triplets had so carelessly left behind. How had he known? 

What is this strange, bitter aftertaste in my mouth, like I’ve been drinking someone’s perfume? I taste it now, I tasted it then. I don’t remember when I started tasting it. 

Already I don’t remember some of the things I’ve written down. It’s all… it’s all coming apart, like a torn photograph dissolving in water. Pieces floating apart and swirling around as they get fuzzy and distorted.

Pain. I remember pain! There’s these red welts on the back of my thighs, and I don’t know how they got there. My throat hurts, too. Was I screaming, or did someone wrap their hands around my throat and try to choke me?

I’m still alive. I’m in my room, at home, and I’m still alive, so… whatever Reiji-senpai did to me, he didn’t want to kill me, because I think if he had I would already be dead. 

But it’s the strangest thing. The other thing I remember, I’m hesitating to even write down, because it’s… it’s so embarrassing. And it feels like a dream, even more of a dream than the rest. 

Somewhere in the middle of the haze of pain and fear and confusion, I remember feeling… good. Really, really good. Too good. 

When I think about that feeling, it’s like nothing else seems real at all.

☽

I don’t know why I wrote such strange things down, about vampires and murderers, and Reiji-senpai. I really like him, he’s so cool! He asked me to help him with his science project, and I couldn’t even believe he was talking to me!

How does he know me, anyway? When did I meet him? When I think about those things, I start to get scared. Hikaru-chan tells me she feels the same way, and I feel really guilty because I’d completely forgotten about her forgetting that whole day.

I feel strange. Like there's something else I've forgotten.

But what could it be?

☽

My sister is worried about me. I don’t want to believe something is wrong, but… something is wrong, isn’t it? I don’t just write dreams and nonsense in this diary. And that second-to-last entry… when I read it, it sounds… right. Like a dream I can almost remember, the more I read it and all the other entries that came before. 

Sayaka-chan. They found her body, I remember that.

I went to the police, I remember that.

I saw Laito’s bracelet on… no, I mean, I saw Sayaka’s bracelet on Laito’s wrist. Laito. He’s so awful, all the time, but Sayaka liked him. I remember Sayaka laughing, and talking with him. 

Sayaka-chan wasn’t always a nice girl. She held stupid grudges and always fell for the wrong guys and gossiped about people behind their back all the time, but she was my friend and I miss her so much. It’s like an open wound inside of me. How could I have forgotten, even for a moment? 

The triplets, they’re so mean. I don’t remember why I think that, but I have to start writing down thoughts that occur to me even when they don’t make sense, because sometimes they make more sense later. Writing it down helps keep it from disappearing. I don’t trust my memories anymore, but I trust my feelings. And I feel so much anger, so much hatred, when I look at Laito-kun, and Kanato-kun, and Ayato-kun. 

I like Reiji-senpai, but I can’t remember why. I don’t even see him most days.

I feel less confused when I don’t see him. 

There’s marks on my neck. When I see them, I start to panic, and I don’t know why, so I try to cover them up. It looks like someone bit me. Like an animal bit me. I wrote somewhere that an animal bit Sayaka-chan, but was that true?

Vampires.

Are vampires real? Vampires can’t be real, that’s stupid. But nothing makes sense and I’m afraid all the time now. Would vampires being real be any less scary that feeling like I’m going insane?

☽

Who is Reiji-senpai? I don’t remember him either.

I’m so afraid. I want to stop going to school, but I can’t explain it in a way that won’t make my parents send me to a million doctors who will tell me that I’m crazy. Sometimes, I’m sure I’m crazy.

Sometimes, I’m sure that I’m not.

☽

There's this girl in my class. I don’t remember her name and I feel really guilty about it. I can’t ask her, because she’s been here all year probably and it would make her feel so awful to know I'd forgotten her. But we don’t know each other, we never even talk, so why do I think that? I should talk to her.

I’m afraid to talk to her.

The Sakamaki triplets are always bothering her. She puts up with it, but I can tell she’s unhappy. Sometimes she leaves in the middle of class to go to the nurse’s office. She faints a lot. I’m worried about her. I think they’re bullying her.

☽

The girl I keep forgetting, she has this Christian necklace. A rosary, I think it’s called. It was a gift from her father and it means a lot to her—I don’t know why I know that. Anyway, I saw the triplets bullying her in the hallway, and one of them was dangling her rosary over her head and laughing and she was pleading with them to give it back, and they were laughing at her and I just got so angry, I couldn’t think straight. 

So I marched right over there and I said, “Some men you are, bullying a girl! Give her back her rosary, right now! Who raised you to treat girls like this?!”

I don’t remember what happened after that. 

There’s bruises all over my body. I feel sick. 

☽

Just now, my homeroom teacher was taking attendance and she came to this name: Komori Yui.

Komori Yui was absent, but something clicked in my mind and I had to run out to the bathroom to write this down, because I remember something, finally!

I remember a man's voice, smooth and authoritative. He said, “You will not speak to or acknowledge Komori Yui again. You will forget that you ever considered her your friend.”

“I don’t know who that is,” I think I said. My head hurt.

And he said, “Good girl.”

But the thing is, I remember him saying that, whoever he was. And I have this diary, with everything I’ve been writing down all year. And now that I know that I was supposed to forget that name, I’m reading my own entries, and I keep seeing that name, over and over again. Yui! Yui! Yui!

Yui-chan.

And he said she was my friend. 

So I might not know who Komori Yui is, but I can’t forget that she was my friend. I'm writing this down now, so that I won't forget again.

I know I’ll open this diary again, and read my own words, like I always do. So even if I forget again, every time I read this I'm going to tell myself the truth. I'll tell myself the truth until I believe in it again. 

Komori Yui.

I remember you.

Where did you go?