Work Text:
===
James is making a gushing noise, pretending to be an airplane. The little boy is running from the bathroom with a hurried steps, and crossing the hallway to his pirate bedroom with his arms spread wide, imitating the airplane he is pretending to be.
Arthur is smiling at his son antic and walking slowly after the boy, watching the small water droplets trails his son make with dismay, Merlin will have a fit for that.
“don’t run in the hallway Jamie! and dry yourself properly.”
Arthur enter his son bedroom and almost laugh outloud seeing his son standing in front his bed with a very serious expression in his face. Laying in his bed is three different shirts the boy obviously picking himself from his wardrobe.
“what are you doing little man?” James is looking at him with a serious expression on his small face, his blond hair is messy and the towel he wear earlier is pilling in his foot.
“i can’t make a choice. I want to wear them all daddy.” James is pointing at his shirts and making a big pout at Arthur, if it’s not because he try to keep his son’s feeling in check, he will laugh because his son is just to cute with his troubled face, Arthur can’t take his son’s word seriously.
“well, it surely is a hard choice.” Arthur make his way toward his son, and drying James small body from the leftover water from the bath they just took. “those all is your favorites right?”
James nod his head sharply and crossing his small arms in his chest with a contemplating expression in his face.
“I want to make the best in...im...press? what it daddy?” James is taking his underwear from Arthur and putting them himself with a tittle struggle. Since the boy learn to do things properly, he prefer to do things himself and always refusing Merlin and his help for small thing, and only asking their help when he really need it. leaving him and Merlin in constant worry, they can’t help to be worried sometimes when the boy trying to do things himself, afraid that James will hurt himself, but Merlin told him once that they really need to hold themself back, because James is tying to be independent in a young age, and that is a good thing. but neverthles, Arthur can’t help himself and still let himself to be a little worried though.
“it’s ‘what it is’ and the word is ‘impression’ Jamie.” Arthur take some baby powder from the drawer, and let James put it himself. James nod again frowning at his shirts.
Arthur chuckling when he see James take a step closer at one shirt, only to step back and looking at another shirt with some serious consideration.
“hhmm.... I can see it is really a hard decision for you.” James is making a sad expression at him and nodding his head slowly.
“it is a hard choice, daddy.”
“well, how about we just don’t make the decision? Lets not pick any of the three?”
“then what I am going wear then?” James plop himself in his bed and spreading himself messily in between his pillows.
Arthur is smiling widely at his son and opening James wardrobe door to reach deep inside the thing.
“well, Merlin is picking something for you to wear last night, maybe you will like it?” Arthur pull the new shirt and jeans Merlin prepare specially for his son last night and show them to James. “what do you think?”
James let out a happy squeal and snatching the clothing from his hands. “Ironman!!” Arthur chuckled at his son excitement and let James dress himself. Arthur watch his son for a few moment with a gentle smile.
“I can leave you alone then, little man?”
“yes!!”
Arthur smile and close the door to his son bedroom slowly. “don’t forget to brush your hair too, okay?”
“okay!” came James muffled voice from behind the closed door, Arthur chuckled at his son high spirit and walk down the halway toward the kitchen where he knew Merlin already preparing the breakfast for them, the starting rutine Merlin always keep for their household for the past 5 years, his friend refuse to let any of them out of the house before they have a proper breakfast in the morning.
“hey.” Arthur greet Merlin’s back, and his friend glance at him for a moment and continuing his action at preparing their breakfast.
“hi.”
Arthur frown at Merlin’s back, he sense something wrong from his friend. Arthur take a step closer to Merlin, but his friend is hurriedly moving away, pretending to add little thing at the breakfast that already laid nicely in their small family size dining table.
Arthur refuse to give up and tug Merlin a little harder at him, and make his friend face him. Merlin take a big sigh and closing his eyes for a moment before letting himself to be pulled to Arthur embrace.
“what’s wrong?”
Merlin shake his head and put his arms in Arthur waist and laid his head at his shoulder. “nothing.”
“Merlin...”
“seriously Arthur, it’s nothing. I probably just not having enough sleep.” Merlin pull himself from Arthur a little to quickly for his liking, but Arthur just keep his mouth shut, nodding in understanding at his friend words.
“I probably will get better with some little sleep after you left latter.” Merlin walk away from him and pour some coffee to Arthur favorite mug and place them in the table.
Arthur doubt that, but he still keep his mouth shut, not wanting to start upsetting his friend and make Merlin mood goes worse. Anyway, it is not the first time his friend being a little bit moody in the morning because his work as an author force him to write in an odd hour whenever his muse and idea start kicking in, and as the result Merlin in oftenly lose some sleep and took some of his frustration and tiredness at being moody and doing his usual rutine in complete silence with some added frown. This usually goes for a few hour in the morning before the usual cheerful and sweet Merlin back again in the afternoon after he got his filling on good amount of sugar.
But, Arthur somehow can sense this moodiness Merlin show him now is not the result from some losing sleep, Arthur can sense more. But he won’t say it, he chose to stay silent until Merlin tell the cause himself.
Arthur take his usual seat and sipping his coffee calmly with one hand while his other hand swapping his tablet fast, starting to look for a good news to read to pass some time.
That’s when James fast footsteps can be heard from the hallway, slowly getting louder by the second before the boy himself is appearing in the kitchen doorway with a proud smile in his face.
“Merlin, daddy look! I prepare myself good, aren’t i hassome?” James is skipping to his seat and smiling broadly at Merlin that standing closely behind Arthur back.
Arthur glance at his friend with a raised eyebrow, but then he start grinning when he see his friend is smiling broadly at his son.
“well aren’t you right? You do look good choco milk.”
Arthur is smiling and shaking his head slowly, secretly loving the nickname Merlin give to James since the boy is 2 years old, choco milk is the first cohere sentence his son say, they didn’t know where is the word come from, but still Merlin is almost crying when he heard the boy say it, and Arthur still have the voice record in his phone from when he and Merlin keep asking James saying the word over and over again, proud of their little man.
“and the word is ‘handsome’, little man.” James is giving him a pout and Arthur is reminded again that his son is maybe inheriting a little bit too much trait from him, a few of them is his reluctant to admit that he is wrong, and his stubborness.
Like father, like son, they are.
“ready for your first day in kindergarten Jamie?” Merlin is tugging and correcting James hair and his red Ironman shirt, tugging and dusting some invisible dust from his son clothes with a gentle smile in his face.
“yes! I can’t wait Merlin! Daddy, hurry up, or we will be late!” James exclaim and bouncing in his seat, hardly can containing his excitement.
“alright, alright, I will hurry. But you have to eat your breakfast properly too Jamie, kay?” James is nodding his head and start eating his toast with strawberry jam hurriedly, and taking a big gulp of his chocolate milk.
“slow down baby, you still have forty minutes before school start. Eat your breakfast slowly, okay?” Merlin catch James hand and slowing the boy movement, while he kick Arthur leg under the table when the other man seems to start to engrossed himself on his tablet and forgetting his breakfast.
Arthur jump a little and look at Merlin, he just glare at Arthur and tell him silently to start eating his breakfast too soon if he himself didn’t want to be late.
Arthur just sight and start eating his breakfast silently, praying to god so this moody Merlin will be gone soon.
---
“alright! Do you have everything?” Merlin is refining James hair and clothes, when his son is gripping at his backpack like a lifesaver.
“yes.” James is nodding his head once with a serious expression, maybe more nervous for his first debut at kindergarten than they know.
“do you have your snack box?”
“yes!”
“your handkerchief?”
“yes!”
“your tissue?’
“yes!”
“how about your emergency pouch? For when you hurt?”
“yes! I have it!”
“gezz Merlin, Jamie is only going to the kindergarten for a day, not for a month.” Arthur whispering at Merlin ear, and then smiling at his son when the boy is looking at him questioningly. Then he hold back a yelp when he feel a sharp biting pain in his back, Merlin is pinching his back hard, then releasing his skin with a glare.
He expect Merlin to say something, but his friend is just keeping quite. Arthur is ignoring his back pain and look at his friend slowly blanking face worriedly. Arthur sent quite word with his eyes and a gentle touch to Merlin upper arm asking Merlin if he is okay with his gesture, and his friend just shaking his head. Arthur nod his head once and taking James hand.
“alright! Are we ready to go?” Arthur smile at his son and tugging his son to their car.
Merlin stop him and then he kneel in front of James, and take the boy face in his palms.
“be a good boy okay?” Merlin smile at James when the boy nod his head.
“kay.”
Merlin take a deep breath and kiss James forehead and nose once before releasing the boy.
“ookkaayy.... see you after school then, I will cook your favorite meatball soup for dinner. Okay?”
James give Merlin a broad grin and run to the car, urging Arthur to hurry up so they won’t be late. Arthur laugh at his son and take Merlin hand and shake it a little side to side, doing their daily good bye greeting.
“bye, see you latter, kay?”
“okay, bye.”
Arthur sit James in the back and buckling his seatbelt, before jogging his way to the driver seat, he wave at Merlin once before climbing and start the car. He drive slowly and rolling the windows to his car open, so James can wave once again at Merlin, before they leave.
----
Arthur drop James to the kindergarten and waving at his son when James making his way to his designated class with one of his teacher. He can’t help but feeling a little bit melanchony whe he watch his son going away, without him noticing James is slowly growing up, and maybe before he know it he will watch his son going to high school and college, since it feel like just yesterday he and Merlin fussing for James fist fever and nappy time in the middle of the night. Time is turning to fast for him, and he shake his head and telling himself to be strong when he feel a little bit moist in the eyes.
Arthur catch another parent eyes when he look side way, the woman is looking at him knowingly with a small smile, and Arthur just smile back at the woman awkwardly before he turn around and climbing at his car, cursing himself for being too emotional. James is just going to kindergarten for the day for crying out loud, and he will see his son again when he pick him up in the evening, it’s not like he won’t see his son again for another years. Jamie will be back home after 3 and then they will have family telly time before dinner again, just like usual, like before James go to school.
Nothing is changing, James just go to kindergarten, no big deal. Arthur reassuring himself and pull from the driveway, preparing himself for the day of slow torture in his office.
----
Arthur is trying to hold is sleepiness and trying to focus reading one of the document Leon leave in his table from in the morning when Arthur phone is ringing. Arthur look at his smartphone, and Merlin’s smiling face is flashing in the screen.
Arthur is glancing at the clock in his office wall to check the time, it’s barely 11 o’clock, maybe Merlin is just calling to remind him to eat lunch, since Arthur still tend to forgetting his lunch whenever he is busy.
“hey,..” Arthur is smiling, forgetting the other man can’t see his face.
“....”
Arthur is frowning, he can hear a shuffling noise from the other side, so he know Merlin is there.
“Merlin?”
“art...hur” Merlin voice sound a little rasp and strangled, as if his friend is almost losing his voice.
“what’s wrong? Are you okay?” now Arthur is growing worried and dropping the document he is holding to the table and start to get up, ready to bolt to Merlin side if his friend need him.
“art...hur...” Merlin is too quite and breathless in the phone, making the worry inside Arthur raising even more for his friend. He glance up when he see Morgana entering his office with new document in her hand, ready for his approval. Arthur hold his hand, signalling his sister to wait for him.
“hey, Merlin... what wrong? Are you hurt?”
Arthur heard some more noise in the phone before he can hear Merlin voice again.
“Arthur.. I can’t take it anymore...” Arthur is starting to worry more when Merlin goes quite again.
“okay... I got it, I got it. wait for me okay? I will be there in a moment, you are in the house right?”
“yess..”
“right, you wait for me. okay? I will be there..”
Arthur end the call, and look at his sister apologizingly. “sorry, I think I will be going off early today, something happen at home.”
Morgana looking at him worriedly and nod her head and opening his office door. urging him to hurry up.
“is everything okay?”
“I don’t know, I hope so.” Arthur smile wryly at her and then he take a hurried steps to the elevator, and start to pray silently, hopping that there is nothing wrong to his friend.
---
“Merlin? I’m here.” Arthur push the front door quickly, watching to make sure with his own eyes that Merlin is really alright, and what he heard from the phone is actually nothing at all.
He frown when he didn’t get any answer from Merlin and start to check the kitchen first, since the room is like his friend den, and their family favorites spot in the house, all their activity seems to spin around the kitchen.
His frown deepened when he see the kitchen is empty, and there is no trace of his friend there. He then start to to make his way around the house and checking every room to look for his friend, he almost giving up at finding Merlin in the house when he look at their bedroom and still didn’t find Merlin.
He sigh and wanting to start looking for Merlin in their backyard, or even in Gwaine house when he see his son bedroom door left ajar. He take the handle to close it when he see the lump in his son bed.
What he see is surprising him in every new way he didn’t know, seeing Merlin snuggle in James’s small bed is honestly funny and cute at the same time, but when he see his friend red sad face it raise a clenching feeling in his stomach and some new kind of adoration he didn’t know he can hold for his friend.
Arthur take a slow steps to James’s bed and then he brush a droplet of tear in his friend eyelashes. Merlin eyes fluttering before the very blue eyes his friend own is focusing on him.
“hey.” Arthur smile at Merlin, but his friend just stare at him and biting his red swollen lips, Arthur think Merlin must have bite his lips quite a bit since morning to get that lips so plush and red like that.
“what’s wrong?” Arthur brush back Merlin hair from his forehead and then he take his friend’s hand, and holding them in between his.
Merlin shake his head, and turn his face away from Arthur. Arthur frown, and then he take Merlin face gently and stare at his friend face with concern.
“I can’t take it, I can’t do this...” Merlin say quittedly to him, Arthur frown in confusion
“wha...” Arthur is confused for a moment, before a realization dawned to him after he look really closely at his friend eyes.
“i can’t be away from him Arthur..” Merlin is shaking, and a new tears is threatening to fall from his sad eyes soon. Arthur then hurriedly take Merlin into his arms and embracing his friend carefully when he make a shushing noise to calm Merlin.
He then process to laid them down on James bed, cramped together in the small space. The sight of them, two grown man forcing to be fitted in the small pirate ship bed is must be hilarious if it’s not for Merlin’s quite sob heard echoing in the quite house.
Arthur chuckling for a bit before he release a small wistful smile. “you know, I have this regretting feeling in myself too this morning when I drop him at school, I think if only we can keep him to our self just for a little bit longer. If only our little Jamie just not growing up to fast.”
Merlin nod at his words, Arthur smile again, and he nuzzle his check in Merlin hair, feeling their softness.
“but then again in my way to the office, I realize another thing. No matter what we do, and no matter how reluctant we are to let him go, we have to. If not now, then it’s next year, if not next year, then the year after, and then before we know it we have to let him go uni, we have to let him grow and explore live on his own. We can’t always keep him here safe all the time as times goes by. but we can still be here all the time when he is hurt, providing him a place to fall back when he fall, and be there to encouraging him to grown more, to be anything he dream about to become.”
Merlin got quite for a moment, but then his friend take his hand from Arthur hold and circling them in his waist, snuggling closer to him.
“I know that, but... i guess I’m just afraid” Arthur arch his eyebrow, but he keep quite. Wanting to hear more of Merlin’s reason.
“I’m afraid that now he start to know the outside word, and can do everything on his own he wont need us. now he will start to have a bigger circle in his life he will start to forget us. To forget me...”
Arthur want to snort at his friend explanation, but then he sort of know what Merlin mean. He too have the same feeling with Merlin when he think about it. but then, he too start to think logically, James is just a 4 years old, it is still a long way before he won’t need his parent.
“Merlin, James is just a 4 years old, and no matter how independent your choco milk is, he can’t do everything on his own, he still need us. He very much need you, god know the boy can’t be away from you far more than half a day. Sometime I think he loves you more than me..”
“but...” his friend start to protest, but Arthur stop him by a gentle tug at Merlin chin and make his friend face him.
“no buts, you are James world. He won’t forget you, he won’t throw you away...” Arthur swipe Merlin last tears, And smile encouragingly at him.
“and even if he is going to throw us away, he wont do it easily. I’m not going to let him...” Merlin is quite for a moment, but then his friend start to look at him with the familiar light in his eyes.
“you trust me right? I wont let him get away from us, we will be there for him in every aspect of his life's”
“yeah, you are right. I won’t let him get away from us. We will be there all his life, he have to deal with it.”
Merlin huff a laugh and bury his head in Arthur neck, biting his lips to hold the small laugh that threatening to escape his lips.
“god Arthur, I miss him so much...”
“me too. Let’s pick him up together, okay?”
They lay in James bed for a while, before Arthur start tugging Merlin out of it, complaining about his back.
---
Arthur is circling his arm around Merlin shoulder and locking his gaze to James class door, waiting any moment now for their little boy to burst out from the class. He glance at Merlin and smile at his friend anxious expression.
The bell rang and one by one the kids start to pilled in the courtyard noisily, running and walking to their own parents, some with an exited face, and some with little frown on their adorable small face. Then Merlin smile beamed when they see James exiting his class while chatting happily with another boy, a new friend it seems.
Merlin call James name when the boy close enough with them, and when James seeing them the little boy releasing a happy laugh and start running toward them, forgetting his new friend. James running straight to Merlin extended arms, the man is knelling and when he have James in his arm he laugh out loud and hugging the little boy tightly.
“hey there little man.” Arthur ruffle his son hair and chuckling when his son is smiling widely at him, the boy is looking to similar with Merlin when he smile like that. And Arthur just love it.
“how is your day?” Merlin is now carrying James in his waist and grinning at the litle boy.
“it’s awesome! Mrs. Smith is soooo nice, and I have chocolate milk and spaghetti for lunch!”
Arthur take his son backpack and smile fondly when he see Merlin kissing the boy face softly with a small smile.
“who is Mrs. Smith?” Arthur ask James and gesturing to Merlin to his car, telling his friend silently it’s time to go home.
“my homeroom teacher, she is beautiful! And we sing and draw and play all day Merlin, it’s so fun!” James is letting Merlin tuck him in his seat at the back, and he start to explain his day at kindergarten excitedly at Merlin and Arthur, filling the car with his exited voice, making Arthur and Merlin laugh occasionally at his slip in vocabulary and spelling.
“wow, it’s sound so fun Jamie. I’m so jealous.” Arthur is playing jealous with his son and making his face frowning playfully in the view mirror, making James giggled at his antic.
“uh uh, and the spaghetti is good too. They place it in colorful plate”
“you really like it then?”
“no, i like Merlin’s spaghetti more, I like his the best.”
Merlin is glancing at Arthur, and then they share a secret smile. Yes, maybe they already letting James go slowly for the outside world. but then they are still his world, Merlin can see that now.
And it would take many many years before that is going to change.
---