Archive of Our Own ^beta

Janis gasps as her eyes snap open.

She's standing. Did she pass out? Surely she should've been lying down. How did she get here? And where is here?

She's in the middle of a field. The grass beneath her feet is lush and green, a bit damp from a fresh rain. There's trees to one side and a road to the other, and she can see houses in the distance, just barely.

A small crowd of people stand a ways away, huddled together and looking at the ground. They're facing away from her, but Janis figures they might be able to tell her where she is and how she got here. Something, at least.

Their clothes give her pause. All black. Janis slowly walks closer, tilting her head to look at a different angle.

She can hear someone speaking as she gets closer.

"...As we commit your body to the earth, may we commit your memory to our hearts. May your legacy inspire those here today and those beyond..."

Oh shit, I'm crashing a funeral, Janis thinks to herself. She freezes in her tracks so she doesn't disturb them any further.

She's at least ten feet away, maybe twenty. Maybe more. She continues watching from a distance, looking at the group of mourners.

Her brow furrows when she recognizes one. Mom?

Little by little, she realizes... she knows all of them. Mom, dad, her little sister. Grandparents. Aunts. Uncles. Friends. Well, acquaintances, more like. Teachers.

Why wasn't I invited?

She figures since she knows them, they probably won't be too upset if she joins in the grieving. At this point the odds are she probably knows the person who died.

She comes up behind her mother and winds her arms around her, resting her head on her shoulder. Her mother gasps, and rests a hand over her heart as she starts sobbing. Her father puts an arm around her shoulders, rubbing her arm comfortingly as she cries into his shoulder.

"I felt her, Luca," she whispers as the preacher continues his speech. "She's here."

"Sorry, mom," Janis murmurs. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"She'll always be here," her dad whispers into her mom's hair.

Janis frowns as they simply ignore her. I guess I can't expect them to notice me right now.

She steps around until she finds a good spot to watch from. She settles her bare feet in the grass and looks up, feeling her heart drop in her chest when she sees the photo, propped up by an easel with a wreath of purple flowers around it.

Around a picture of her.

She didn't hate that school photo. Her smile was bright, the lights made her eyes shine. Her dimple — singular — makes her look mischievous in a way that makes her feel pretty. She spent ages doing her makeup that day, and picking the right outfit even though the picture would only be from her shoulders up.

But why is it here?

Not daring to believe it, Janis steps closer to the casket. Nobody reacts.

She closes her eyes as she gets close, just in case she actually sees what she's expecting to.

She takes a breath.

Opens her eyes.

She falls backwards onto her ass when she peeks in to see... her.

It's her body in the casket.

She looks like she's asleep. Her eyes are peacefully closed, her face made up to give the illusion of life. Janis smiles as she sees that they did her makeup the way she did when she was alive instead of trying to turn her into someone else. Dark eyeshadow and thick eyeliner mask the purple veins appearing around her eyes. Pale foundation helps mask even more on her cheeks. Dark purple lipstick gives her lips color instead of the white-blue they are underneath.

They put her in a black dress. It looks soft. Like a nightgown.

Her hands rest folded on her chest and holding a small bunch of the same purple flowers her wreath is made of. Her favorite color.

Janis Sarkisian is dead.

She is dead.

"Mom," Janis says. Nobody looks up. Janis yells. "Mom!"

Nothing.

Janis runs up and throws her arms around her sister. They pass right through her, and Julie shivers. Tears start streaming down her face a little faster.

Nobody can see her. Nobody can feel her. Nobody can hear her.

Is she even there? Or is the real her sitting in that box?

"Julie," she whispers, holding her baby sister's face between her hands and kissing her forehead. "I'm here."

To her surprise, Julie looks up. She's staring Janis directly in the eyes, but... Janis can tell she's not seeing her. "Janny?"

"Yeah, I'm right here," Janis says. Julie blinks and throws her arms around their mother, sobbing into her dress.

"Oh, sweetie," her mother whispers.

"I heard a whisper," Julie sobs quietly. "I thought it was her."

"It was! Julie, I'm right here!" Janis yells. "I'm here, look!"

"It might've been, honey. She'll always be with you," her mother tries to comfort through her own tears.

"I am now! Look, please!" Janis begs, falling to her knees in front of them. "I'm right here! Listen to me!"

It's no use. The most she can do is whisper, ghost her touch along her loved one's flesh.

Ghost.

Is she a ghost?

How did she get here?

How did she...

She steps closer to her photo, looking at the little inscription beneath it.

Janis Olivia Sarkisian
October 17, 1986 - March 8, 2004

What happened that day?

Janis wracks her brain trying to remember. Does she even have a brain anymore? A heart? Is she really breathing?

What happened?

Janis closes her eyes. The voice of the preacher echoes in her head.

She slams the door open, throwing her backpack down by the door and stomping up to her room in tears.

She can't deal with this anymore. Every day, it's dyke. Space dyke. Lesbo. Freak. Whatever they can think of. Sharpied on her locker. Carved. Spat at her in the halls. Etched into her desks. Giggled as she's shoved into lockers. Chanted as she's beaten in the cafeteria and food is thrown at her. Tittered as she washes it out of her hair in the restroom. Nobody looks at her. Nobody talks to her. Nobody touches her.

She rips a few pages out of a notebook and grabs a pen, etching down all of her thoughts and feelings and apologies and everything else she can think of. She folds it up and writes Mom on the back, leaving it on her pillow.

She goes into the bathroom and grabs the bottle of sleeping pills she was prescribed the one and only time she tried telling a doctor what was going on. Maybe they'll finally be useful.

She fills a cup with water and starts downing them as fast as she can. Two at a time. Four. Six. Eight. Her blood feels slushy as it flows through her veins. Her mouth burns with the acrid, chemical taste of the pills. Her throat aches in protest. Her stomach. She starts losing control of her fingers. Her tongue. She falls to the ground. Black creeps in the edges of her vision.

She knows nothing more.

Her mom didn't find the note until they returned from the hospital.

Without Janis.

Janis' eyes snap open.

She turns and looks at her body. "I put myself here?"

It has to be.

"I killed myself."

"And let this be a lesson to all of us," the preacher says in his solemn voice. "As to the dangers of bullying. Perhaps if her peers had made different choices, perhaps if we had been able to treat one another with kindness as God decreed, this young girl may still be here."

Janis closes her eyes as a tear slips down her cheek.

"Mom, I'm sorry," she sobs, running to her even though she knows her mom can't feel it. She can't hear her cries. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I just couldn't take it anymore, but I'm here! I'm here, mom. Mama. You felt me, it was me. I... I'm here.

"Julie, I love you," she continues. "I'm sorry, Juju. Don't do what I did. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm here.

"Daddy. I'm sorry," she says, wishing his strong arms would wrap around her. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger. I didn't know how to handle it. You don't know how bad it was. I'm sorry. I'm here. I'm here, dad."

Her dad closes his eyes as a few tears slip down his cheeks, holding his wife and Julie closer. Janis throws her arms around all of them and sobs right along with them.

The preacher finishes speaking and the eulogies are given. Janis sits and watches her mother, putting on a brave face as tears stream down her face through her eulogy. Her dad fares about the same, and Janis watches with tears in her eyes as he breaks down in sobs.

"Rest easy, my baby girl. I'll love you forever," he says in a wavering voice. Janis closes her eyes and can almost feel as he bends over the casket and kisses her forehead.

"I love you too, daddy," she whispers.

Julie goes next, and her parents stand with a hand on each of her shoulders to support her as she cries her way through her speech. Janis cries too.

"I don't know why you left. I just know you were hurting," Julie concludes. "I wish you were still here. I... I'm gonna make you proud of me, Janny. For you. You were the best big sister ever. I hope you're not hurting anymore. I love you."

"I am proud, Julie," Janis says.

"Do you want to see her?" her mom asks as Julie finishes her speech. Julie considers for a moment before she nods. Janis is briefly confused when they lead her to the casket before she remembers they can't see her.

Julie shakily reaches out and puts her favorite stuffed rabbit in the casket next to Janis' head. "I don't want her to be all alone. It's so empty here."

"It won't be for long. More people will pass and come rest with her," her dad murmurs comfortingly.

The guests come and say their goodbyes. Her mother strokes her hair and kisses her forehead, and her dad does the same. Julie had to be led away in tears to be comforted by their grandmother.

Janis' casket is closed. Locked.

She's lowered into the ground.

She stands by her own head and watches as everyone throws a rose into the grave after her, and a handful of dirt.

People begin to shuffle out, solemnly offering their condolences. Janis watches them go.

Her family stays to watch the rest of the dirt be thrown on top of her, and cry as it piles higher and higher. Eventually, the only evidence she was ever there is a small mound of earth, the brown stark against the unmarred grass.

Her family leaves, and Janis is alone.

As soon as the last foot leaves the field, two things appear before her.

A bunch of purple flowers, and a stuffed rabbit.

Janis puts the flowers in her hair and clutches the rabbit close to her chest.

—————

Her family visits often. Things seem to get easier for them as time goes on. Janis has lost track of how long it's been, the only markers being when they come to see her.

Julie comes with her mother once a week. Her dad pops by after work many days, just to sit at her grave and talk to her about what's going on. Janis sits and listens, lounging against his back and hoping he can feel her there.

The grass begins to grow on top of her grave, little green sprouts appearing between the earth.

Her headstone is put in eventually, the first time Janis sees them all together since the funeral. It says her name and her birth and death days, along with In treasured memory of our beloved girl, gone too soon and never forgotten. They got a paintbrush carved in the corner, as if Janis herself etched her own gravestone.

She sits with them as they have a picnic at her graveside, listening to them reminisce about their favorite memories of her, finally smiling and laughing again. Janis feels a weight lift from her as she knows that they'll be okay. One way or another, she knows that her family will make it through.

——

She's alone for another month after that.

Then, suddenly, someone else.

An old man materializes across the field. He looks around in confusion, and relief floods his face as he lays eyes on Janis. "Hello?"

Janis jumps. "Um... hello?"

"Nice day, isn't it?" the man continues. He looks around and sighs contently. "Can't remember the last time I felt this well."

Janis hesitantly walks over to him. She reaches into the pocket of her soft, black dress and fingers the ear of the stuffed rabbit hiding inside. "Um... can you see me?"

"See you? Of course!" the man chortles. "Why shouldn't I see you? You're standing right there, aren't you?"

Janis blinks.

The man blinks back.

"I don't think I am. I'm dead," she says bluntly. She probably could've told this man he's newly dead a little more delicately, but it is her first encounter with someone who can see her in seven months.

The man's face falls a little, and he nods. "I figured as much."

"You did?" Janis asks, looking at him oddly.

He nods again, sadly. "I was sick for a long time. Cancer. At my age, it's hard to fight. I knew I wasn't long for the world."

Janis nods. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, heavens, no need!" the man chuckles. "I haven't felt this strong in years. No pain. I spent the last five years of my life in a hospital bed, waking up here feels like a dream."

Janis smiles faintly. She looks around and points to a large crowd of people. "Is that your family?"

The man nods with a proud smile on his face. He heads their way, and motions for Janis to follow after a few paces. Janis rushes to keep up and heads to see the man's funeral.

It's different than hers. People cry, and they seem sad, but more out of relief than the anguish that was present at her own funeral. The man stands next to his own casket and smiles at his family. They all stand a little straighter, almost like they can feel the warmth of it shining on them.

"That's my daughter," the man says proudly, pointing to the woman speaking. "Natalie. My pride and joy."

"She looks like you," Janis comments quietly. The man nods, and Janis thinks you could gather the pride on his face in buckets.

"And that there is my little granddaughter. Emily, with my wife Nora," he continues, pointing to a young girl a little younger than Julie, sniveling against her grandmother's skirt. "Sweet child. She and I had a special bond. That's my only regret about going. Leaving them all."

Janis nods. "That's my regret too."

"You're the only one here?"

Janis nods again. "I think the cemetery is new. I was the first one buried."

"Ah, then you're the guardian," the man says with a smile.

"I'm... what?" Janis stutters.

"When I was a boy my mother used to tell me stories like that. She said that the first person buried in a cemetery would never pass on to the afterlife. They stay behind and help guide the others to theirs," the man says. "People used to bury dogs instead, and so a large black dog would be the one guiding folks. I suppose people have forgotten all of that now."

"So... I never get to go to the afterlife? I'm just stuck here?!" Janis says, trying not to yell and ruin this man's memorial service. Not that anyone but him can hear her, but still.

The man shrugs. "I hope not. But I'm sure many souls will be grateful to you if it is true." He sighs a little before he continues, "They have to close eventually."

"What?"

"Cemeteries. Eventually they run out of space. They can't go on forever. Even if it takes hundreds, thousands of years, they'll run out of room eventually, and they won't be willing to make more. I always liked to believe once that happens, the guardians finally get to rest."

Janis sighs. "How do I guide people?"

"I think that's for you to figure out," the man says, with a kind twinkle in his eye and a tap of his nose. "If it really is your destiny, you'll work it out quickly."

Janis sighs and nods. "Are you afraid?"

The man shakes his head as he looks back to his family. "Not at all. I know they'll be alright. I've already died. I think the hard part is over. Now I get to pass on to where I'm meant to go, and I get to rest. I'm content."

"I think they know that," Janis says, gazing at the almost peaceful tears streaming down the faces of his relatives.

He nods. "I think they do too, young lady."

—-

Janis snaps back to consciousness the next morning.

The man is gone.

Janis thinks of him often.

Her first soul, guided to the realm of the dead.

—————

Her next is much harder.

Her times of unconsciousness are becoming shorter. She sees more of the darkness of night over her resting place now than when she first died. She spends it lounging against her headstone, lost in thought. For the most part. Sometimes kids come fuck around, chasing each other through the still mostly empty fields and pretending to be ghosts to spook each other.

She snaps awake on a crisp morning in January to the sound of a child crying. She looks around, and sees a little boy standing across the field.

Slowly, so she doesn't scare him, she makes her way over to him and crouches down. "Hi. Can you see me?"

The boy blinks and nods, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "Y-yeah. Where are we? I-I'm scared. I can't find my mommy."

Janis sighs as she tries to figure out how to explain this to him. "Um... this is a cemetery, do you know what that is?"

He nods. "Where dead people sleep."

"That's right," Janis says gently. "What's your name?"

"Ryan," the boy sniffs.

"Ryan. My name is Janis," she says.

"That's a pretty name," Ryan says, rubbing his red eyes.

"Thank you. Ryan's pretty cool," Janis chuckles. "Ryan, did something happen to you recently? Did you get hurt or sick somehow?"

Ryan thinks. His eyes widen a little, and he nods. "I was playing with my new sled I got for Christmas, and I went too far and I sledded all the way to the road. I was trying to pick it up and go back, and... I got hit by a car."

Janis nods. "Do you remember anything else?"

"I think I was in the hospital," Ryan continues, his voice quiet as his brain pieces together what happened to him. "I remember a lot of beeping, and I could hear my mommy crying and talking to me. I couldn't move or talk back."

"Do you know what she told you?"

Ryan thinks even harder. "She said... I could let go. She'd be okay. She told me... she told me to go to sleep."

"Ryan, there's... there's no easy way to say this, buddy, but... we're dead. That car killed you. I'm sorry."

Ryan bursts into tears anew. "I'm dead?!"

Janis nods. "Yeah. Your body is gonna come sleep with me here."

"What am I?" Ryan sobs. "Where's my mommy?"

"I'm not sure what we are," Janis says, as kindly as she can. "But... I'm here to help you. Your mommy is still alive. Is that her over there?"

Ryan looks when she points to a new grave with a huddle of people around it, pretty close to hers. "Mommy!"

"Ryan!" Janis calls as he goes tearing towards them.

Ryan throws himself at his mother, clutching her skirts and thrashing them back and forth. "Mommy, I'm right here! Mommy! Mommy, it's me!"

"Ryan," Janis pants.

"Why won't she look at me?!" Ryan sobs, shaking her skirt again. She brushes her leg, thinking it's just a breeze. "Mommy! What's wrong with her?!"

"Ryan, she can't see you," Janis says desperately. "They can't see or hear us, and we can't touch them. She doesn't know you're here. She's not ignoring you, I promise."

"Mommy!" Ryan wails, sinking to the ground in tears. Janis doesn't know what to do other than pull him into a hug and let him cry into her shoulder. At least she can touch him.

"I'm sorry, buddy. I tried to talk to my family too," she says, feeling tears stream down her face. "I tried so hard, but they never heard me. I yelled and yelled and yelled."

Ryan sobs. "I-I-I never get-get to see my mom-mommy again?"

"No, buddy. You're allowed to stay with me as long as you want. She'll come visit you," Janis tries to comfort. "You can see her."

"But she-she won't see me!" Ryan wails.

"No, she won't," Janis acknowledges gently. "It'll be like this until you both are ready to move on."

"Move-move on?" Ryan sobs.

"There's a place beyond this, called the afterlife. I... I'm not sure what it's like there. But people say it's nice. You're not in pain, and you're not sick. You'll always have toys to play with and food to eat. It'll always be nice enough to play outside. And you get to be with the people you love there. Your family and your friends. When it's their time, when they die, they'll meet you there. And then you'll be able to talk to them again, and you'll get to hug them. They'll see you. They'll know you're there."

"So I-I can see... I can see mommy again? In the afterlife?"

"I like to think so," Janis agrees. "Once she dies too. She'll join you there."

Ryan sniffles and nods. Janis is relieved that the idea of that seems to have calmed him down enough to sit quietly. He sniffles as he sits in her lap and watches his memorial.

"That's my teacher," Ryan says, pointing to the woman speaking about what a sweet little boy he was and how missed he'll be. "Everyone seems sad."

"They miss you. Just like you miss them," Janis explains.

"But I'm right here," Ryan says.

"They don't know that. Nobody really knows what happens when we die until... we die," Janis says.

She sits with him as they watch together, as his grandparents and neighbors and parents of friends speak. His casket is closed the entire time. The damage done to him in the accident must have been pretty severe.

His mother breaks down as he's lowered into the ground, falling to her knees as soon as she drops the rose in after him. Ryan runs to her and hugs her tight, even though he knows now she can't feel it.

"Oh, Ryan," she sobs, resting a hand on her heart. "My sweet baby. I love you."

"I love you too, Mommy," Ryan murmurs, leaning his head against hers. She gasps and turns her head.

"I feel you here," she whispers back. "I hope you're not in pain. Rest in peace, honey."

"I will, Mommy," Ryan whispers.

He stays like that until they leave. He cries again and tries to run after his loved ones. As soon as he makes it out, he pops right back on top of his grave. Janis holds him through it.

"They'll be back," she comforts. "And I'm here as long as you need."

She holds him tight, and fades away.

He's gone when she comes back.

—————-

Eventually, the cemetery starts growing faster. People stop being buried one at a time. More than one funeral happens on one day.

Janis helps guide a crotchety old woman with nobody at her graveside on. A teacher who was killed by a drunk driver. A little girl who passed from leukemia. A man who died of a drug overdose.

One day, she wakes and finds a newborn baby in her arms.

She heads over to a funeral gathering around a small casket, barely larger than a shoebox. She cradles the baby gently and presses a hand to her mother's shoulder. The mother sobs, feeling the presence of her daughter, stillborn.

"You hear those voices? That's your family," Janis says to the baby. "They named you Hayley. That's a pretty name."

She walks slowly around, making her best guesses at who the people are. Grandparents mourning the loss of their first grandbaby. Aunts and uncles teary over the loss of their niece. Friends, neighbors of the family. A particularly kind nurse the parents got close with. Her mom and dad.

"They all love you so much, Hayley, can you understand them?" Janis murmurs. "They love you. You can move on whenever you're ready, little one. You're surrounded by love."

For the first time, Janis gets to watch as the baby fades away, swallowed by a comforting white light that fills Janis with a hopeful, contented sort of warmth.

"Rest well, Hayley," she says, watching the light fade. She stays to listen to the mourners and returns to her own grave to cry.

When is it my turn?

——

Over the years, Janis loses track of things.

Of time.

She knows her family doesn't visit as often. Her dad comes less and less. Her sister and mother only once a month. Sometimes Julie isn't with her, and Janis is alone with her mother.

Then, they become even less frequent.

Julie is in college now, and her parents split up. The stress of losing her was too much for them, and with Julie gone to school, there was nothing to keep them together. Janis cries as she hears that her parents divorced because of her, but she doesn't blame them.

The one thing she doesn't lose track of is her spirits.

412 people exactly.

She remembers all of their stories.

Every time she got to see one fade. Got to feel that warmth. Saw it be taken away. Not offered to her.

Every time one simply vanished while she wasn't conscious.

She remembers every child, every sweet one and every little brat.

She remembers every teenager, every scared one and every tough one who didn't want her help.

She remembers every adult. The mothers and the fathers scared of leaving their kids behind. The ones who died tragically. The ones leaving behind a partner or a lover. A friend. A job. All of them left behind something they cared about.

She remembers every elderly person. The ones who screamed and ran thinking she was there to send them to hell. The ones who came to her willingly, unafraid, knowing she was only there to guide them.

Every single one.

And still, she's here.

How many times has she felt that warmth, that comfort, that sheer relief? Only to have it snatched away once her quarry has been taken by it.

How cruel heaven must be.

She doesn't want to, but she hardens over time.

She becomes less sympathetic.

Less understanding.

She'll still console a crying child or comfort a confused old person.

But she doesn't take in their stories.

She doesn't care.

They'll leave. They'll either disappear without any notice, or they'll taunt her with the light of the beyond.

The one Janis knows she'll never get to experience beyond mere brushes against her fingertips, making her hair stand on end and the most pleasant chills spread across her body.

So what if she's a little more jaded.

—————-

One day, a girl appears.

She seems young. Around Janis' age. How old is she now?

She doesn't have time to think about it. The girl looks to be about the same age she was when she died. Janis groans and stands, making her way over to her.

"Hi," the girl greets quietly.

"Can you see me?" Janis asks, not responding to the greeting.

"Yeah. What kind of question is that?" the girl says.

Janis sighs quietly. "Then you're dead. Welcome to the in-between. I'm your spiritual guide, here to help you cross over. That's your funeral if you want to go listen and say your goodbyes. Nobody can hear, see, or feel you. Let me know if you have questions."

The girl blinks. "Quite the welcome committee."

"Sorry if you expected different."

"I didn't expect anything," the girl says. "Could you, um..."

Janis looks at her expectantly. "What?"

"Come with me?" she asks shyly.

Janis nods begrudgingly and motions for the girl to lead the way. She slowly walks over, arms tight around herself like she's trying to block out a chill. Can they feel cold? Or has Janis just been here so long that she can't?

The girl stops and looks curiously at the crowd gathered around her casket. Another closed one. "Do you know how you died?"

She nods. "I was hit by a bus."

"Damn," Janis murmurs. The girl chuckles sardonically.

"Yeah. My friend and I were arguing in the street, and then... I was thirty feet down the road. I was actually revived after about fifteen seconds or so. But they couldn't get me stable at the hospital, and I just... slipped away."

"I'm sorry," Janis says.

The girl shrugs. "I deserved it."

"Nobody deserves to be hit by a bus," Janis says with a furrowed brow.

The girl smiles, but it seems sad. "I was a horrible person."

Janis looks at her, tilting her head curiously. She loathes to admit it, but she doubts that. Something about her is just so innocent. Her hair is curly and red, and her face is... sweet. Her eyes are wide and doelike, a shiny crystal blue; framed by full, freckled cheeks.

She jolts a little as the girl moves, walking slowly amongst the crowd gathered to mourn her. She slowly brushes her hand against who Janis supposes is her mother. The woman shivers. The girl continues, hugging her dad's arm and making him shudder as well. She lingers there for a moment with her eyes closed, seemingly relishing in something she can barely feel.

Janis looks at her grave marker for her name.

Cadence "Cady" Jane Heron
February 11, 2006 - March 8, 2023

Janis blinks. They died on the same day, a year shy of twenty apart. She's already been here for that long? And she was seventeen when she died too. Just like Janis.

Cady still stands amongst the crowd of her mourners, unbeknownst to them. Janis watches from the other side of her casket.

Sometimes people want to talk through their own memorials, pointing out all their loved ones and telling stories of their life while Janis is begrudgingly forced to listen.

Other times they just listen and watch, as their relatives and other loved ones give their eulogies and reminisce about their lives. Sometimes they cry, and Janis provides a shoulder. Sometimes they're angry, and Janis lets them rant and rave. Sometimes they're just... quiet. The most she gets is a quiet thank you before they're gone.

Cady seems to be one of the latter, which Janis is perfectly fine with. Cady watches as her parents cry through their speeches, and a few in the crowd get teary eyed too. It's a good-sized one.

Janis jumps as Cady reappears next to her. "Sorry."

"You don't want to stay near them? You won't be able to see them again until they come visit you," Janis warns.

Cady shakes her head. "I'll say my goodbyes before they leave."

Janis nods. It's not her place, beyond a warning about how this place works. "You must've been popular."

Cady nods. "I was. But it wasn't real. None of these people care. Well, my parents do. My family seems pretty torn up. But all these kids from school are just here to put on a good face."

"You sound pretty certain about that."

"I am. I fucked up pretty bad towards the end. That's what we were fighting about," Cady sighs. "My hold was slipping. It should've been. Like I said, I was a monster. But all of these people just... turned their back on me. None of them even looked at me until I got hit, and then it was starting GoFundMe's for my surgery costs and then having a prayer circle at the hospital, and now the fundraisers are all for my funeral costs and they're having vigils. Someone started a petition to get a math classroom named after me. That'll be my legacy. I'll be old news in a month."

"Not to some of them."

"I guess not," Cady agrees. "My parents reacted when I touched them."

Janis nods. "I think the people you have the strongest connection to can hear and feel you a little bit. Sometimes parents react, or children or partners. But for the most part, they can't perceive you."

"Did yours?" Cady asks softly.

"What?"

"You're young, you must've had parents. Did they react when you touched them?"

Janis nods. "My mom felt when I hugged her. And my sister heard my voice."

"You have a sister?"

Janis nods again. "Julie. She'd be... 30, now. Almost 31."

"How old are you?" Cady asks.

"Seventeen," Janis responds.

"How long have you been seventeen?"

"...A while."

Cady laughs. "You don't have to tell me. Sorry for prying."

"No, it's okay. I'm... I'm just not used to it," Janis says. "I'm focused on the others, most of the time."

Cady nods sadly. "I understand."

"I died in 2004," Janis mumbles. "Same day as you."

"Really?" Cady asks. "Cool. Maybe we're... death soulmates, or something."

"I'm 20 years older than you."

"Not really," Cady shrugs. "We're both seventeen, technically. It's not like you have any more life experience than me. I don't think dying twenty years apart counts as an age gap."

Janis blinks. This girl sounds a little too into the idea for having just met her. Janis shakes it off and moves on.

Cady watches as her eulogies are given and people gradually trickle out. Her casket is lowered into the ground, and both of her parents toss a handful of dirt over her. They linger while the rest is piled back on, crying into each others' shoulders. Cady stands next to them. She doesn't try to comfort them, or touch them. She just stands there.

She does squeeze them as best as she can when they move to leave. Janis watches in silence as she notices a few tears finally start tracking down Cady's cheeks. She doesn't mention it.

She stays where she is until Cady returns to her side, staring at the patch of freshly moved earth resting on top of her body. "...What happens now?"

"At some point the afterlife will come for you," Janis says with a shrug. "After that, I... I don't really know. It's only my job to get you there."

Cady nods. "Is it scary?"

"For some," Janis agrees quietly. "But they all go."

"What is it like?" Cady asks softly.

"It's... warm. Whatever comfort means to you, it's like that throughout your whole body. Like that moment when you hug someone and it's just right for both of you. Lying underneath a warm blanket in a cold room. Eating a nice soup and feeling it warm you from the inside out. It sort of glows, and it just... swallows them. It appears, and they walk into it. They always smile, and then... then they're gone."

"And you're alone?"

Janis looks at the ground and nods. "Yeah. Until the next."

"How did this become your job?" Cady asks curiously.

"You ask too many questions."

"I might never get to learn anything new again," Cady replies quietly, dejectedly. "I'm sorry."

Janis sighs. "If you're gonna keep asking shit we should at least sit down."

Cady looks at her and grins gently. Janis hesitates before she leads Cady to her own headstone. She leans against it and looks up at the clouds passing across the blue sky. Cady tips her head like a little puppy as she reads over the engraving on her headstone. Her lips move as she murmurs her name, and smiles at the little phrase.

"So. Tell me everything about being dead," Cady says, sprawling spread-eagle in the grass.

Janis sighs. "What do you want to know?"

"You never did answer my question."

"It's my job because I was the first to be buried here," Janis replies. "Happy?"

"That's it? You're not some celestial being designed to guide us on?" Cady replies, leaning up on her elbow to look at her.

"Nope. Just a teenager who killed herself at a really poor time," Janis replies.

"You..."

Janis nods. "Overdose."

"And you've been here ever since?" Cady asks quietly. "By yourself?"

"Yep," Janis sighs, popping the p with a little more aggravation than she intends. "People show up when they get buried. I talk to them until their funeral ends, they usually leave me alone, and then they're gone. Rinse and repeat."

"How long will it take for the afterlife to come get me?" Cady asks, rolling onto her belly.

"I don't know. It's different for everyone."

"Why?"

"I don't know!" Janis yells, sitting upright. "I don't know anything! I don't know why I'm still here, I don't know how long it takes, I don't know why or how or what or who! Okay?! There's no handbook for this!"

Cady blinks. Janis feels a little bad when she trembles a little. But Cady nods. "I'm sorry. I... I'll leave you alone now. Um, thank you."

Janis doesn't respond. She just leans back against her stone again and listens to Cady's footsteps as she treads across the grass.

Janis' eyes close, and once again, she loses time.

——————

"Oh, good, you're awake!"

"Jesus fuck!" Janis yelps as soon as her eyes open. She whirls around and gapes as Cady stands there looking rather sheepish. "What are you doing?!"

Cady blinks. "Standing?"

"I can see that! Why are you here?!" Janis yells. "Didn't... didn't..."

"It did," Cady says softly. "I said no."

"You said no."

Cady nods.

"You said no to fucking heaven?" Janis asks incredulously.

"I mean, I don't know if it was heaven, I still don't know which belief system-"

"You said no to the goddamn afterlife! Wh- what- why in the name of- why would you-"

Cady shrugs and rubs her bicep with her other hand. "You seemed lonely."

Janis is shocked quiet. She blinks at the girl in front of her, absolutely stunned. Cady briefly looks at her before looking back at her feet.

"You... you said no to heaven. Because I seemed lonely."

Cady nods. "Well, okay, I didn't exactly say no, I just asked for a little more time, and it... went away."

Janis pokes her tongue into her cheek. She's been waiting, sitting, biding her time until it's her turn. Until the light, the warmth, the comfort, finally comes for her. And Cady said no. She turned it away. Like nothing. Like the idea of heaven doesn't matter. Like she didn't want it.

"Did it ever occur to you I like being alone?" she bites. "What if it never comes back for you? What if you're stuck here now? Did you think any of this through?"

"Nobody wants to be alone. Not really," Cady defends quietly, trembling in every limb. "It won't just leave us here forever."

"I've been here for nineteen goddamn years and I haven't seen shit for me! And you turned down what might be your one goddamn chance at moving on! What the hell is the matter with you?!"

"I just... thought you could use a friend," Cady says, her voice wavering a little. "Why are you being so mean?"

"Because I've been waiting for the chance you threw away for nineteen fucking years, Cady!" Janis yells. "I didn't fucking sign up for this, okay, I just died! I don't want to be here! I thought when I died I would get to rest but I'm stuck here guiding all these souls somewhere I'll probably never get to experience! I've seen it happen to four hundred people! It's touched me and then it leaves and I'm still here! I-I can't... I can't leave. And you just... said no."

"I'm sorry, but I made my choice. And it has nothing to do with you," Cady says quietly, suddenly much more steady. "I'm sorry you're stuck here. And I'm sorry you're angry. But I'm here for a while too. You never said I had to go into the light."

"I just don't understand how you could turn that down," Janis says quietly. How many times has she fallen to the ground, crying, begging, screaming for it to come back for her? And Cady just... said she wasn't ready.

Cady shrugs again. "It... it wasn't easy. But it's done. I'm here."

Janis shakes her head. "Stupid."

"Yeah, I'm regretting it now," Cady huffs. "Sorry for trying to be nice."

"I never asked you to! It's my job to make sure you don't do this!" Janis insists frantically.

"You said it's your job to get me to the light. I just happen to be the first one that didn't go into it," Cady says. "You did your job. The rest is mine. And I'm not ready yet."

"Fine, whatever," Janis says with a roll of her eyes, massaging the bridge of her nose as she turns the other way. She's been awake for four minutes and already finds herself wishing for the strange sort of comatose-sleep state she's never quite gotten used to.

"Fine," Cady spits, like a child trying to get the last word in an argument.

Janis doesn't give her the dignity of a response. She sits against her headstone and presses her eyes into her knees.

She takes a deep breath and listens as Cady hesitates for a moment, two, before she slowly pads away. The grass muffles the sound, but she can hear the swishing sound as she moves through the damp, lush green.

I did not fucking sign up for this.

——————

Things are tense for the next week or so. They don't speak, they just glare at each other across the graveyard. Cady seems to spend most of her time either asleep or meditating on top of her grave. Janis does her usual. Watching clouds, counting as many blades of grass across the meadow as she can. Counting leaves on trees. Lots of counting.

One day, she wakes up to crying.

She looks around, across the field one way, then another.

Cady's on her knees, one hand on the ground and one pressed over her heart. She sobs a few times and tilts her head towards the ground. Janis sighs. I should check on her.

She slowly walks over. Cady startles when she hears her walk up behind her, hastily wiping her eyes and straightening up.

"You okay?" Janis asks quietly.

Cady nods, but still doesn't look at her. "Yeah. I'm fine. Sorry for bothering you."

"You didn't," Janis murmurs. She slowly eases down to her knees next to her. "Something happen?"

Cady nods again, looking the other way with a sniffle. "My... my family was just here."

Janis hums sympathetically.

"My dad just... broke down," Cady continues, choking the words out around a lump in her throat. "He was this close to clawing at the dirt trying to dig me back up. And my mom just watched him. I tried to grab him. I-I tried to tell him I'm okay, I'm still here, but he-he couldn't hear me. He didn't feel anything I did. They're-they're not okay, Janis."

"They will be," Janis says softly. "You don't even have grass yet. It's still fresh. The living... they adjust to how your loss feels. It's slow, but... eventually they handle it better."

"But they never get used to it?" Cady sniffs.

"I... I don't think so," Janis says honestly. "I don't think you can. You spend however long loving someone, you know? And then losing them, even if it isn't sudden... I don't think humans are built to get used to that. It's not in our nature."

Cady nods. "That's a good point."

"Just give them time. They'll be different every time they visit. Sometimes they cry, sometimes they laugh. Sometimes both," Janis shrugs.

"How often does your family visit?" Cady asks, finally gracing her with a look. Janis watches as she wipes the glinting tears off her rosy cheeks.

Janis looks away. "They... they don't. Not anymore."

"Oh. I'm so sorry," Cady says softly.

Janis shrugs. "I don't blame them. Not exactly the cheeriest place. My sister came before she left for college. She got into Oxford out in England and I don't think she ever came back. She always wanted to get as far away from here as she could. I always wanted to know what happened to her, you know, but... I can't blame her for not coming back. She's probably got... kids, a family. A job. Maybe a dog. I dunno."

Cady smiles. "And your parents?"

"They divorced after I died. My mom used to come with Julie when she was little. But I think it... it hurt her too much. She was the one who found me. I didn't... die right away, and... I think she blames herself. For not finding me quick enough to save me, or something. She came for a few months after Julie left, but once winter hit, she just... never came back in the spring. And my dad kind of did the same. He came every week, then every other, then... you know, once a month, then... just special days, and now... I don't remember the last time I saw any of them."

"That must be so hard," Cady says quietly.

Janis shrugs again. "It's hard when like, other people's families come. When those people... they're not even here. But I don't hold it against mine. They have their own lives to live, and stuff."

Cady scoots a little closer, until their arms are nearly pressed against each other. "I'm sure they still really miss you."

"I am too," Janis agrees quietly.

They're silent for a while, watching the wind ruffle the grass around them. Cady inhales as if she's about to speak a few times before apparently deciding against it. She does it so many times Janis jumps a little when she actually does speak. "I... I'm really sorry about what I did."

"Don't worry about it," Janis replies. "You're right, it's your choice. Doesn't technically have anything to do with me."

"But I didn't even think about what it must be like for you. Being... stuck here," Cady murmurs sheepishly.

"You shouldn't have to. I was way out of line," Janis says apologetically.

"I think anyone would be angry in your circumstance," Cady replies. "Can we just start fresh?"

"Sure," Janis chuckles. "Far as I know we have all the time in the world. Would kinda suck to spend all that hating each other."

Cady laughs. "Yeah, it would. Thank you. And thanks for talking to me, and everything. I don't think I've ever heard you talk this much."

"I don't think I ever have," Janis admits. She sprawls out on her back, folding her arms under her head like a pillow and looking up at the clear sky. "Your turn. Tell me about you."

Cady hesitates for a brief moment before she lies next to her. "Okay. What do you want to know?"

Janis shrugs. "Whatever you want me to."

Cady sighs, but this time it sounds like it's filtered through a smile. Janis listens and feels the girl next to her as she explains basically her whole life-and-death story. She grew up in Kenya and fell in with the wrong crowd after moving here. She was popular, sort of, but the superficial sort where nobody really cares about the rest of the iceberg beneath the surface. The girl she usurped finally confronted her, which led to them arguing, which led to Cady being hit by the bus.

Most of the story is about her life in Kenya, which Janis thinks Cady prefers. She has to interrupt a few times to ask about slang or technology or other new things that have popped up in the world since she died. Cady explains it all in great detail. Phones have definitely come a long way. She's glad smartphones weren't around during her time in high school.

"And you... you overdosed, didn't you?" Cady asks gently.

Janis sighs and nods. "Yeah. I was bullied pretty bad from the end of middle school to... all of high school, basically. I couldn't deal with it anymore. I didn't plan it or anything. I came home from school, wrote a few letters, and just... found the pills in the bathroom. Downed them all, and I fell asleep. And I woke up here."

"Dead?" Cady asks quietly.

"Sure looks that way," Janis chuckles.

Cady sits up and looks around at all the headstones surrounding them, sprawling out like soldiers in even little rows in every direction. "And you've helped all of these people move on?"

"All but one," Janis responds with a small smirk.

Cady looks down at her and smiles. "That's amazing. You know, you're a pretty good conversationalist when you wanna be."

"Only as good as the company," Janis replies. Cady's smile gets even wider. Her eyes sparkle in the sunlight, and Janis feels a clench in her gut. Briefly, she panics. You're already dead, dumbass. Not a heart attack.

Cady lies back down a little closer than she was before. She launches into another story. Janis doesn't quite listen to the details. She just lets Cady's voice wash over her. Gradually, it slows, and Cady gently rests her head on Janis' shoulder.

Janis looks when silence finally fills the air like normal, and sees Cady asleep. She rolls her eyes, fondly this time, and scoots her a little closer. She closes her own eyes, and for the first time ever, drifts away with someone nearby.

—————

She jolts when she comes to and finds Cady cowering behind her. She peeks anxiously over her shoulder across the cemetery.

"Hello," Janis greets flatly.

"There's someone here," Cady hisses. "And they saw me."

"They can probably still see you," Janis chuckles. "Come on."

Cady looks at her aghast as she heads across the field towards the old woman standing alone. Regardless, she follows, and for the first time, they approach together.

"Hi," Janis says gently. The woman jolts and turns around, but she seems relieved to see them.

"Oh, hello," she says. "I don't suppose you could help me, I seem to be lost? I'm not quite sure how I ended up here, but... oh, dear..."

"Yeah, um... about that. You can see us?" Janis questions.

"Why yes, of course," the woman says. "Shouldn't I?"

"I'm sorry, but that means you're dead," Janis says.

"That's probably your funeral over there," Cady adds. "Would you like us to go with you?"

The woman blinks. "I'm dead?"

Janis nods. "If you can see us, yeah. I'm sorry."

"Oh, no," the woman says, blinking back tears. "No, don't be sorry. Oh, finally, it's come. Would you both accompany me?"

Cady and Janis nod and follow her to the new grave with a crowd of people surrounding it. The woman heads right up between them, but the girls linger behind a bit. Cady grips Janis' hand tightly, her fingers locked between Janis' like a vice. She leans against her shoulder, and her other hand wraps gently around Janis' arm.

"You okay?" Janis whispers.

Cady nods. "I've never been to a funeral before. Except mine."

"You get used to it," Janis responds. "Look around."

Cady does, but she doesn't lift her head from Janis' arm. Janis glances around too. Her brow furrows.

"I know these people," she whispers. "I've seen them before."

"Do you know the woman?" Cady asks.

Janis thinks for a second. "Yeah, I do, actually. Nora."

"Did you call me, dear?" the woman says, coming back over to them.

"No, no," Janis says immediately. "God, that's Emily!"

"Yes, she's my granddaughter," Nora says. "Isn't she just beautiful?"

"She looks like you," Janis says with a grin. "You... um... I'm-"

"Janis is the spirit guide for this cemetery," Cady supplies helpfully. "I think she's seen someone from your family before."

"Ah, you're the first," Nora says with a kind smile. Janis nods. "That would be my husband."

Janis nods again. "He was my first one. I think... I think he guided me more than I did him."

"That sounds like Lloyd," Nora says with a fond  sigh. "Lord, I remember that day like it was yesterday. I don't think my heart ever put itself back together." She turns to Janis and smiles. "It's a comfort to know you were here with him the whole time. Thank you, dear."

Janis just nods. Cady reaches out and takes Nora's hand in her free one. Emily, grown now, gives a beautiful eulogy for her grandmother. Janis still has the vision of her as a little girl crying into her dress. Natalie has wrinkles around her eyes now, and on the hands she clutches a tissue with.

"Do you know how you passed?" Cady asks quietly.

Nora sighs a little before she says, "I do believe it was a heart attack. I had a horrible heart for years, mind, but I still didn't expect to end up here quite yet."

"I'm so sorry," Cady says.

Nora squeezes her hand. "I never said I was upset by it, dear. I get to see my sweet Lloyd again. I haven't felt this alive in years!"

"That's a lot like what he said," Janis chuckles.

Nora laughs too. "That sounds like him too."

Cady squeezes both of their hands, and they watch the rest of the service in silence. Nora gently caresses her loved ones, paying extra attention to her daughter and granddaughter. She smiles sadly at the small mound of earth resting over her worldly form.

"Thank you, girls," she says quietly. "Your company has been lovely."

"Yours too," Cady says with a smile. She looks to Janis to continue.

Janis inhales heavily, lets it out slow. "Um... you can stay as long as you like. Cady here is proof of that. The afterlife will come for you soon."

Nora nods. "Thank you."

"And, um... when you do see Lloyd again, would you tell him I said thank you?" Janis asks quietly.

"In a heartbeat, dearie," Nora says kindly. "Would you give me... er, a moment to myself?"

They all laugh, and the girls nod. "Of course."

"Rest in peace," Cady adds gently. Nora smiles at them, and Janis and Cady make their way back to the other end of the graveyard. Cady turns to Janis when they're out of earshot and nudges her gently with a shoulder. "You were a lot nicer to her than you were to me."

"I thought you could handle it," Janis chuckles.

"Do you do that every time?" Cady asks quietly, almost like she's in shock.

Janis shakes her head. "Sometimes they don't want me there. I've had people run from me screaming."

"Really?" Cady laughs.

Janis chuckles too. "Really. I think my hair got them, or the makeup. This in a black dress. I think they thought I was the devil."

"How could anyone think that?" Cady asks.

"I don't know, but I got enough crosses and evil eyes directed at me. And people screaming Lucifer and Satan and whatever kinda gives you a clue," Janis chuckles. "They always come to me when they're ready. They're actually usually the easy ones. They believe in heaven and all that. When the light comes, they go running towards it with everything they have. I don't have to comfort them hardly at all."

"But you're not bad at that either," Cady murmurs, nudging her again. "How do you say goodbye to someone like Nora? How do you deal with that, Janis?"

Janis sighs. Closes her eyes, opens them again. "I... I don't know. They go whether I like it or not. I just sit with them. Learn their stories. I usually fall asleep, and they're gone when I wake up."

"No wonder you were so angry," Cady murmurs. "I already don't want her to go, and four hundred people. You're so-"

"Stop," Janis interrupts. "Please."

Cady nods. "Sorry."

Janis shakes her head and swallows thickly. "Don't be. Just..."

"I get it," Cady replies kindly. "Can I sit with you? Or do you want to be alo-"

"No!" Janis says suddenly. Cady jumps. "No, um... yeah, sit-sitting is nice."

"Okay then," Cady says with a smile. She settles next to Janis in the plush grass and leans against her shoulder.

Janis closes her eyes.

And they drift away together.

——————

This time, Janis is the first one awake.

She's not sure that's the right word for it. She doesn't seem to have much say in when what happens. It's more like fainting, or just... ceasing to be. She snaps away and snaps back to it.

But Cady looks like she's asleep. Settled in the grass like she's been there for centuries. Like she's part of the landscape. Janis supposes she is, in a technical sense. Her eyelashes flutter gently across her freckled cheeks. Her hands rest delicately beneath her head, supporting her and separating her just slightly from the ground. The grass seems to be growing around her, giving her space, highlighting just exactly the parts of her that are most flattering. Almost like she's in control of it.

For whatever reason, what stuns Janis the most is that she's not breathing.

There's no steady rise and fall of her chest. No gentle whistle or snore or little flutter anywhere in her.

She's perfectly still. Not a part of her moves. She just lay there.

Janis looks for a while. The freckles are everywhere. Her arms, her neck, her hands, her legs. Like Janis, her feet are bare. They were both buried without shoes.

She's much shorter. Janis knew that, of course, but it's more obvious seeing her curled up small like this. Based on herself, Janis would guess she's hardly above five feet. At most five foot four. At the most. She's on the thin side, but not dangerously so. She has curves in the right places, and a few more untraditional ones.

Her hair is big. Curly. Red as fire but... also blonde? Brown? It seems almost to shine in the setting sunlight. Janis wonders if the ringlets cascading like a fiery waterfall down her back are natural or if they were somehow put in place for her funeral. Could also be both. Her face is sweet. Full, and kind. Her eyes are wide and the brightest, icy, crystal blue. She's... cute. Pretty.

A problem.

Janis jolts when she hears voices until she remembers anyone speaking won't be able to notice her anyway. She sighs and settles back against her headstone. She's glad nobody can see them.

Selfishly, she wants to keep the image of Cady at rest this way to herself.

She stands and makes her way to the small crowd of people at the far end of the field. She grimaces when she sees they're all teenagers. Wait.

"Kyle, come on, it's creepy here," a girl whines. "You won't get anything, anyway. The oldest person here only died in like, 2002. There's no ghosts."

"2002 was forever ago, Pen! There's gotta be someone," a boy replies. He must be the infamous Kyle. Glad to see that name's still around.

Janis smiles when she sees the ouija board cradled under another boy's arm. She goes running back to Cady and cackles quietly to herself.

She freezes when she realizes she's not sure whether Cady can be woken up. Does she have the power to do that, or just whatever being or concept or whatever out there in the universe controls all this nonsense?

She decides it's worth a shot.

She gently shakes Cady, still giggling quietly to herself. "Caddy. Hey, come on, this is gonna be great."

Cady's eyes fly open, and she sits upright. She stretches a little, but none of the post-sleep foginess seems to be there. Come to think of it, Janis never 'wakes up' groggy either. "Janis? What happened?"

"Some punks brought a ouija board, you wanna go see if it works?"

"Brought a what?" Cady replies.

"A ouija board," Janis repeats.

"Bless you?" Cady says, tilting her head in confusion.

Janis rolls her eyes and grabs her hand. "Come on."

Cady squeaks and runs after her. She looks curiously at the game the kids are setting up once they make it to them. "What does it do?"

"I think it's probably bullshit," Janis begins. "But spirits are supposed to be able to use that thingy to spell and communicate with the living."

"Ohhhh," Cady nods, the realization of the plan dawning on her. "And we're gonna mess with them?"

"Absolutely," Janis chuckles. "Just wait a bit."

Cady nods, and they stand together to watch. The kids light a few candles and sit in a circle, waiting for the sun to set a little more. Cady shivers. Whether it's the atmosphere or the chill of the night air, neither of them are quite sure.

"Is anyone here?" Kyle asks. Janis smirks. Showtime.

"Just follow my lead," Janis says. Cady nods. Janis squeezes her way between the least-greasy looking ones and puts her hand on the planchette. Please work, please work, please please please.

"If anyone is here, give us a sign," Kyle adds. Janis shifts the planchette to 'Yes'.

It takes an incredible amount of energy, like dragging a hundred-pound weight across concrete, but their horrified gasps and shrieks renew her, and she smiles.

"O-okay, someone-someone is here," Pen responds in a quivering voice. "Um... how many are here? Are you alone?"

Cady walks over and brushes her hand against the back of Pen's neck. The girl gasps and claps a hand against it as her skin is suddenly covered in goosebumps.

"Oh my god, I just got the craziest chills!" she hisses.

Janis figures she can be honest here and moves the slider to the number 2. The kids seem to be waiting for something else, but she leaves it there.

"Just two?" one of the other boys asks. Janis moves it to 'Yes'. "Huh."

"Do you want something? Do you need help?" the other girl asks. Janis jostles the planchette a little, but leaves it where it is. Cady claps her hands over her mouth and giggles into them like they can hear. "Is it something we can help you with?" Janis wiggles it again. "What do we need to do?"

"Can you do some spooky stuff?" Janis asks.

"Like what?" Cady responds.

"What you did with the girl. Give them chills, make noise. I dunno," Janis shrugs. Cady nods and runs around blowing in their ears, walking through them, screaming and whispering.

Janis grabs the planchette and moves it even slower than she has been just for dramatic effect. The kids recite out loud. "R... U... N."

"Ru-run?" the second girl stutters. "Kyle, knock it off."

"That wasn't me," Kyle says quietly.

"Penelope?" Another boy asks. Pen shakes her head, quivering head to toe. "Someone fess up."

"It wasn't me," everyone else says at the same time. Cady rustles some tree branches, and they all jump.

Janis grabs the planchette one more time and moves it as fast as she can between the three letters, over and over and over until they all let go. Cady returns to her, and they both laugh hysterically as the kids rush to gather their things and run screaming from the graveyard.

"That was fun! I like being spooky," Cady giggles. "Do you think they'll come back?"

"I hope not," Janis says with a grimace. "Assholes."

"They just wanted to have fun," Cady says with a small pout.

"By disturbing what they think are people's final resting places," Janis retorts. "I think one of 'em pissed themselves."

"I did smell something," Cady agrees.

"Serves them right."

"...I'm tired," Cady whispers.

Janis nods. "I wasn't expecting interacting with the living to take so much energy."

"It makes sense, I guess. We are sort of transcending realms by doing it. Space and time and all that," Cady says pensively.

Janis considers this. "That's true."

Cady yawns. "Well, wake me up again if anyone else comes and I need to play ghost again."

Janis chuckles. "I will. Get some rest."

"Will you come?"

Janis smiles a little. "Yeah."

—————

Cady's not there when Janis wakes up. However long ago, Janis would've fallen to her knees in gratitude.

Today, it fills her with panic.

She looks around and sighs in relief as she spies Cady by her own grave. Janis tilts her head. She got her headstone.

Cady's crying again. Janis makes her way over so she doesn't startle her. "Hey. Family come again?"

Cady holds herself tightly and nods. Janis settles on her knees next to her and winds an arm around Cady's shoulders. Cady sniffles and leans into her.

They linger there for a while, but Cady doesn't seem very comforted by it this time.

Cady looks at her with tears in her eyes, just for a second. She seems almost embarrassed as she sniffs and wipes her eyes with her sleeve. Her voice wavers when she murmurs, "Do you... do you ever regret dying?"

Janis settles in the grass next to her as she considers it. "No. I... I regret how I died, and when. But I don't regret that it happened, necessarily."

"There's so much I'll never see," Cady sobs quietly. "I wanted to do things, Janis. I-I wanted to discover things, I wanted to travel. This place is nothing like home, and I'm stuck in this one little scrap of it. I wanted to be someone. I wanted to be important. And now I'm... probably bones and... disgusting fluids. Decaying."

"You are right in front of me," Janis says lowly, grabbing Cady's clenched fist in her hands and cradling it gently. "And you are important. You are you, and that's beyond important. Your body is gone, sure, but the part of you that is you is right here, Cady. You... god, Cady, you're the only reason I can still do this! I-I-I was so... angry. Jaded. I hated everything in this world before you were here. I had nothing. But it's not just me anymore, you... you stayed. For me. We do this together now, and I've never been more grateful for anything. For anyone."

Cady breaks into sobs and throws her arms around her neck. Janis hesitates for a second before she weakly winds hers around her waist.

"Shhh," she hushes. She's not sure where it comes from, but it seems to work. "I know how much it hurts. But think of how much they'll never experience either. Most of those people won't get to see this any longer than a day. Won't get to hear so many peoples' stories or comfort them until they can tell them. And... maybe on the other side, whenever we get there, that'll all happen for you. You'll get to see places we can't even dream of, discover things that aren't possible on Earth."

"You'll come with me," Cady murmurs. "Once the time comes? Won't you? I-I don't want to face heaven without you, Janis."

Janis chuckles a little. Maybe it's a sob. She blinks away a burning in her eyes. "Yeah. I'll be right there with you. I promise."

Cady takes a shaky breath and nods a little. "Good."

"Good," Janis agrees. To comfort, she quietly adds, "I'm scared of it too."

"...I just don't want to be away from you," Cady whispers.

Janis doesn't know what to say to that.

She just squeezes Cady a little closer. Cady responds in kind. "Thank you."

"My pleasure."

—————

Cady's distant for the next little while. Janis is... sad. It's hard being alone again, after having that incessant little angelic voice ringing in her ear at all hours of the day. She misses it.

That's not to say Cady's never with her. From time to time she makes her way over and sits with her, or they wander up and down the rows of headstones together. They chat. Well, it's mostly Janis. Cady gives a lot of one-word answers and "mm-hmm"s instead of the usual chatter Janis has grown accustomed to.

But if she wants space, Janis will give her space.

Cady spends most of her days sitting on her grave, hugging her knees to her chest and seeming lost in a world of her own thought.

Until one day. Janis comes out of a sleep and finds Cady lingering nearby, holding herself tightly. "Hi."

"Hi," Janis chuckles.

"Can I talk to you?" Cady asks quietly.

"You haven't for a while," Janis teases.

Cady blushes a little and looks away. "I've had a lot to think about. I'm sorry. I-I'll leave you be-"

"No, no, Caddy," Janis laughs, standing and taking her hands. "It's okay. I... I've missed talking to you. Say whatever you want."

Cady takes a deep breath and stares at their hands. She nods, opens her mouth to speak, freezes, tries again. Another deep breath. Another stutter.

"Is everything okay?" Janis asks in concern.

"Yes!" Cady says, quickly and loudly. "No. I... I don't... I don't know."

"What's going on?"

"W-well, um... I've been thinking about... us," Cady begins softly. "I think I've been here for a few years now, and we... we've spent a lot of time together."

"Yeah, that'll happen when you turn down the afterlife," Janis snorts.

"Will you let me talk?" Cady asks in exasperation. Janis purses her lips and nods. "I'm sure you-you won't... anyway, um... I-I've been really happy with you here, Janis. I know I didn't give you very much choice, but being stuck here with you is... kinda fun? And-and I love being your friend."

"...But?" Janis asks in worry.

"But... I love you, Janis," Cady says softly.

Janis blinks in shock. "What?"

"I love you," Cady repeats. "And I'm sorry, but I could not hold that back for eternity! I-I'm sure you don't feel the same, but I just had to-"

Janis surges forward and presses her lips to Cady's before she can even finish her sentence. Cady gasps and seems completely frozen where she stands. Janis persists, and sure enough, Cady slowly starts to kiss her back. She tips her head slightly to the side and steps a little closer, threading her arms around Janis' waist and gripping her dress in her fists. Janis cradles Cady's face between her hands, more precious than heaven, and holds her as close as she can.

"Woah," Cady whispers as they break apart to breathe.

Janis laughs. "Why did you think I wouldn't feel the same?"

"I don't know," Cady breathes. "I-I just... you know, you... you died because of your sexuality. And I know we're friends, but we got off to a rocky start, I didn't know if you would want-"

Janis kisses her again. Cady hums in surprise, and again in contentment. Janis holds her again and looks into her eyes when they separate. "I died because of how other people treated me. Not because of the fact I'm gay in and of itself. And you... I said it before, Cady, you're the only reason I haven't made this literally hell on Earth for so many of these people. You pulled me back from the brink. Well, I can't really be on the brink of anything, but... I think I would've given up if you hadn't stayed. I'm almost okay with being stuck here now. I... I love you."

Cady smiles and pitches herself back at her, throwing her arms around her neck and squeezing her close as she presses their lips together again, and again, and again.

"But this might be complicated," Janis says in worry between kisses. "And I-I can't take you on a date or anything."

"Why not?" Cady asks.

Janis blinks. "...Because we're stuck here? Nobody can leave."

"Have you ever tried?" Cady asks.

Janis blinks again. "I mean, no, but I've seen other people try and they've never been able to-"

"You've been here for almost twenty-five years and you've never tried to leave this graveyard?" Cady asks incredulously. "Oh my god, come on!"

"Wait, Cady!" Janis yelps as she takes her hand and starts running to the gate.

"Come on!" Cady repeats, looking over her shoulder with a wide, glowing smile. Her hair bounces behind her with every step. "What's the worst that could happen?! If it doesn't work we'll just be right where we've always been!"

"But what if someone comes?!" Janis asks.

"Janis, it's the middle of the night, nobody's getting buried right now. We'll be back by sunrise, come on," Cady pleads.

Janis freezes just with her toes on the grass. Cady squeezes her hand.

"Ready?" she asks.

Janis takes a deep breath and nods. "Ye-yeah. Ready."

Cady squeals, and they take a step forward. Janis closes her eyes and tenses up all her muscles.

And then she feels concrete. She looks down.

She's standing on the sidewalk.

The gate is behind them.

She's free.

She can still feel it behind her, like a tether keeping her from going too far. She doesn't care. Who would've thought the feeling of a sidewalk against her bare feet would be such a  euphoric experience?

Why did she never try before?

Cady looks at her with a wide smile. Janis smiles back.

That's why.

She never had a reason to before.

"Wh-what do we do now?" she asks.

"What do you mean what do we do? We do everything!" Cady laughs. Janis yelps as she starts running directly into traffic. "What?! We're already dead, come on!"

Janis hesitates for the briefest of moments before she runs into the road after her. Cady laughs as they dance around in the middle of the street, dodging cars and jumping over others and just letting others phase through them.

"Over here, look!" Cady beckons. Janis runs to her side and peeks through the window of a local coffee shop. She inhales heavily and delights in the fact she can still smell her favorite drink. Cady smiles sadly. "I miss drinking tea."

"I miss coffee," Janis agrees. "And those scones look amazing."

Cady nods. "I can almost taste it."

Janis takes another deep breath. "This is probably the weirdest coffee date ever."

Cady laughs. "I like it though."

"I do too," Janis says, looking at her with a smile. "Everything is so different."

"What was it like when you were alive?" Cady asks, slipping her hand into Janis' and strolling slowly down the road.

Janis smiles. "It was a lot less busy. This road was only two lanes. That used to be a Papa John's." Cady looks as she points to a Dominos. "Everything was so much more... colorful. Oh, that was a Blockbuster! What happened to them?"

"I think Netflix happened," Cady giggles.

"Net... huh?"

"Oh, babe. We have a lot of updating to do for you," Cady says with a laugh. "Ooh, McDonalds! I never did get to try a Happy Meal."

"There used to be arcade machines in there," Janis says quietly.

"Really?" Cady asks with a smile. Janis presses a hand against the glass and nods.

"I used to go after school sometimes when I was little. My friends and I, before we… grew up. We'd go get burgers and play games. But we'd get the apples instead of fries to be healthier."

Cady laughs. "That sounds like fun."

"It was," Janis says with a smile. She looks at Cady for a brief moment. She looks so happy. That smile crinkling at the corners of her eyes, the shine of joy in them, the dimples in her cheeks. "Beautiful."

"What?"

"Nothing. Come on," Janis says. She grabs Cady's hand and runs. She doesn't know where or why, but they run through the suburbs and tell each other stories of their lives when they recognize somewhere.

They dance around outside a bouncing nightclub, and take a slow stroll through the park talking about whatever comes to mind. They lie on the grass and look at the stars from a new angle they haven't seen in years. Cady climbs trees and jumps out into Janis' arms. They play on the swings and spook some teenagers doing the exact same things they are.

They live.

"I kind of want to go back," Cady sighs wistfully after a long while, cuddling against Janis' side. "It feels like home, now. Is that dumb?"

"No. I feel like we escaped our zoo enclosure," Janis chuckles. "I kinda wanna go back too."

Cady steps around to stand in front of her. Janis grins and threads her arms around her back to bring her a little closer. "Let's take our time going back."

Janis leans down to kiss her. Cady eagerly reciprocates, resting her hands on the back of her neck to keep her there. Janis shivers in contentment as Cady's nails ever so gently scratch the sensitive skin there, as her fingers tangle in her hair and pull her closer.

Cady nuzzles their noses together when they separate to breathe. Janis laughs and kisses her one more time before she holds out an arm. "Shall we, my lady?"

"Hm. I kinda like being your lady," Cady hums, taking it with a smile. "Let's go home."

Janis nods. "Home."

——————

"Janis," Cady says lowly, shaking Janis awake. "It's morning, there's a burial happening."

"Mm. Who is it this time?" Janis hums. She blinks when she sees Cady holding a tiny baby. "Oh. Okay."

"I think his mother is here too, there's a woman over there looking a bit lost," Cady whispers. Janis stands and peeks at the little bundle of blankets in her arms. "Isn't he cute?"

Janis nods. "Let's go see if they're together."

Cady carefully cradles the baby in one arm and grips Janis' hand like a vice with the other. Slowly, they wander towards a woman in a long white dress, looking frantically around the cemetery.

She gasps and bursts into tears when she sees them, and rushes in their direction when she sees the baby in Cady's arms.

"River!" she cries. "Oh, thank you! Thank-thank you so much, thank you."

Cady hands her the baby with a soft smile. "You're welcome. He's beautiful."

The woman smiles with tears streaming down her face. "He is. I-I never got to meet him."

"So you know you're..." Janis trails off.

The woman smiles at her and nods sadly. "There was... a car wreck when I was eight months pregnant. Drunk driver cut right through an intersection and hit my side of the car."

"I'm so sorry," Cady says quietly.

The woman shakes her head. "Oh, don't be, baby. I get to be with him for eternity. I-I'll miss my boyfriend. His daddy. But... I'm sure he'll join us someday. And for now, we're here. I get to meet my beautiful River. I'm good."

Cady nods. Janis nods too. "Uh, that's your funeral over there if you want to go say your goodbyes and everything. And we can go with you if you want."

"I'll call if I need you. Thank you, ladies, I... we really appreciate it," the woman says with a gentle smile. The girls both nod and go to their own corner of the graveyard. The woman goes to her funeral whispering to the baby all the way.

Janis sits next to Cady underneath a tree, in complete silence. Cady sighs and rests her head on her shoulder.

She looks up when she feels a tear on her head. "Janis. Why are you crying, my love?"

Janis sobs a little and just shakes her head. Cady sits up and scoots in front of her, gently brushing her thumbs over Janis' cheeks and swiping away her tears.

"What's the matter?" she asks sadly, cradling Janis' face in her hand.

Janis shrugs. "That-that could've been me. Like, not dead. I-I wanted kids. I'd be... god, what, forty-five by now?! My kids could be as old as I am. I-I might have... I dunno, maybe-maybe I could've found someone. Like you said, there's... there's a lot I wanted to do. A lot... a lot I'll never get to do."

Cady pulls her into a tight hug. Janis can't help but sob into her shoulder. Cady doesn't say anything. She just holds her as close as she can. Rocks her, tuts and fusses over her just a little bit. She lets her cry, for as long as she needs.

She dries her tears once again and holds her head in her hands. Janis sniffs as she looks directly into her eyes.

"I... understand where you're coming from," Cady begins in a murmur. "Obviously. We both had untimely deaths, and all that. But I'm glad you died when you did."

"What?" Janis asks in shock.

Cady nods like she's never been more sure of anything in her... well. "I am. I'm glad you died. And I'm glad it was on that day in 2004. And I'm glad I died too. If you- if we hadn't, but especially you, I... I'd have never met you, Janis! If we'd both survived, we would have been twenty years apart like you said! And frankly, I'm not comfortable with that gap. We might not have even met at all. And if you died even a day later, you might have been the second person buried here! Or the... I dunno, the tenth! Fiftieth! Who knows?! And you would have had decades of experience in the afterlife already, and we wouldn't have met either. And you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Alive or dead. So yeah, I'm glad it happened."

Janis laughs wetly. "When you put it like that, I guess I am too."

Cady smiles. "And yeah, it... it would be nice to have had a baby someday if I wanted. Get married. But..."

"I don't want it if it isn't with you," Janis whispers.

Cady smiles. "Exactly."

Janis smiles too. "I love you."

"I love you too," Cady echoes softly. "Cheer up, buttercup. We get all the time in the world, you're not allowed to spend more than... ten percent of it being sad."

"Ten percent is pretty generous," Janis laughs.

"I'm a generous person," Cady replies. "Come on."

"Where?"

Cady shrugs. "Let's try... anywhere."

"Works for me," Janis chuckles.

——————

Eternity passes.

Sometimes it's slow. The days drag. They laze in the grass and watch the clouds scroll. They talk. Kiss and make love on one of their graves.

Sometimes it's fast. They blink and realize weeks have gone past. They run around and scare teenagers and the elderly. They leave the graveyard and explore the city, as far as they can reach before time and space call them back home.

And the entire time.

They love each other.

They cuddle, and they talk. They fight and they make up. They kiss and they do more. They dance and they cry and they laugh and they hug. They do everything, here, there, and in between.

They spend years together.

241 years, four months, and fifteen days.

Every one of them seventeen years old.

They guide 876 people to the afterlife.

River's father, just a few weeks after his girlfriend and son. Ryan's mother, from old age clutching a locket with a photo of her son. Natalie. Their own families. Faces familiar and strange.

Every one of them, together.

Janis wakes up one crisp spring morning.

Standing.

The grass is plush beneath her feet. A bit damp from a fresh rain.

Cady is by her side.

A light is before them.

Nobody has been buried for a month.

They heard the caretakers whispering.

The cemetery is being retired. No more burials. The dead are left to rest.

They get to rest.

Janis takes a quivering breath as she looks at the golden glow, hovering before them. Cady looks between her and it.

"What if it separates us?" she asks in a quiet voice.

Janis looks at her and squeezes her hand. "Then it won't be heaven."

Cady smiles. "You ready?"

Janis sighs again. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready."

"Rest in peace, Janis," Cady murmurs.

"Rest in peace, Cady," Janis replies.

They lean in for a last, lingering kiss.

And they step into the afterlife hand in hand.