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On the first dark and crisp late evening of autumn, a Victorian mansion on the outskirts of a quaint English town became the talk of it.
“Did you see that one kid at the end?” Sirius was laughing. “Scared shitless.”
Lily crossed her arms over her chest. “He was hardly a kid.”
“Yes, well, I happen to be quite a few centuries old, Lils. Anyone in their twenties is a child to me.”
“You’re lucky I just turned thirty, darling,” Remus grumbled from somewhere behind them.
The living room was dark, along with most of the mansion. One room on the third floor was lit, which they deemed their break room. For the following hours they would be on the job, rotating shifts. It was fun work, considering all they had to do was scare human beings and talk shit with their co-workers afterward, so they rarely complained.
“Where’s Reggie?” Sirius asked.
“He’s out front taking tickets,” Evan answered as he emerged from the wall. Sirius noticed he liked to reside in the walls while they waited for their next round of customers. “Should be just under an hour till James takes over for him.”
Sirius and Regulus had been the ones to put this business together. Their family home was filled with too many bad memories, so when their parents were killed ten years prior in a freak accident involving a life threatening amount of sunlight, it’d been a blessing in disguise. Their haunted house gained popularity around Halloween every year, and as time went on they gathered a group of rather terrifying employees.
James was hired first, being Sirius’ best mate and all. He generally took on the role of greeting customers and managing the ticket sales at the front door. Besides, no one was better at handling people than the most charismatic killer clown around.
After James came Regulus’ friends: Dorcas, Evan, Barty, and Pandora. Sirius was doubtful at first, but only because he wasn’t aware they were all monsters. Well, other than Evan, who was essentially nothing more than a harmless dead human turned into a floating soul. His ability to move through physical objects added quite the effect to their visitors’ haunted house experience, though.
“Sirius?” Pandora called from the bedroom down the hall.
He left the others to assist her. “Yes, Pandora?” he replied, peeking his head into the room.
Pandora was quite the delight; she provided the unsettling factor they needed. Customers would spot her through the dim light and assume she was nothing more than a decorative porcelain doll intended to be a little creepy. Then she would blink and they would run.
“Would you be a doll and move me to the shelf in the second bedroom?” Pandora asked. “Just for a change of scenery.”
“Would he be a doll?” Dorcas snorted with amusement from the other end of the dark hallway.
Marlene emerged from the bathroom near Dorcas’ side of the hallway. “She calls others doll the same way you call me mommy—”
Dorcas slapped a frail bandaged hand over the clown’s mouth. “Marlene. Behave.”
Marlene’s cackle was muffled.
Sirius’ first impression of Dorcas had been her scent; she smelled like something rotting and ancient and rich all at once. She held herself with confidence, despite her disintegrating and questionably-coloured wrappings. It was obvious she’d been of great importance when she had lived as a human.
“Those two would make for a lovely couple, don’t you think?” Pandora beamed up at him as he carried her upstairs to the second bedroom.
“I’m not sure lovely is the word I’d use...”
But he understood her point. Dorcas and Marlene were constantly flirting and sneaking off to have sex. There were some deeper feelings hiding beneath the surface, though. Sirius thought it was rather obvious at this point, but maybe that was only because he’d experienced it himself. He was never very subtle about his obsession with Remus but he didn’t think everyone around him could see it. That was, until his brother confronted him and demanded he confess his undying love for the werewolf. James confronted Sirius too, but his request was that he make out with Remus as soon as possible or else he would steal him.
Remus had come into their life in an unusual way, about seven years ago. He wasn’t looking for a job, nor did he intend to stumble onto the front steps of the Black family manor on the evening of his first full moon. He’d just been passing by, on his way to a nearby bus stop, when a wave of dizziness washed over him and he collapsed by the large gate of the house. Regulus had been setting up their welcome area just beyond the gate and noticed a body blocking the entrance.
He’d fetched Sirius, and James came along to carry Remus inside. When Remus regained consciousness he was startled but eventually they managed to get his story out of him. He was attacked by a wolf a few weeks prior, or so he’d thought. Turns out it was a werewolf, which they got first-hand proof of when Remus transformed into one that night. They gave him the break room to stay in while they worked. The rest was history.
“Alright, Pandora,” Sirius said, setting her down on the top of the bookshelf in the second bedroom, which was Lily’s if he remembered correctly. “Is this alright?”
She nodded. “Thank you. I like this room, it’s pretty.”
He looked around the space. It wasn’t much, really, but he supposed Pandora’s fondness for Lily made it seem better. Lily was a wise witch who was skilled in casting spells and crafting potions. Pandora admired her greatly.
Lily—along with Marlene—was recruited by James, and Mary by Lily. James was interested in getting to know Lily and her work before hiring her, but Marlene was almost an instant yes. James had been in awe of her the moment he discovered she was a clown too. (Not so much a killer anymore; she was taking a break from that to pursue a more profitable career option, as well as romance.) Lily then dragged Mary, her fellow witch, into their business after she’d worked there for a month and found she enjoyed it. Pandora, of course, was delighted to welcome another witch into their workplace.
“Group of five approaching. Look to be in their early teens,” Regulus alerted the crew through their earpieces. “Should reach me in three minutes. Go easy on them.”
A huge benefit of having Regulus out front was his eyesight. Not that James wasn’t good at spotting people coming up their long driveway, but Regulus’ vampire senses were much keener and therefore gave them all a few extra minutes to get into position before it was showtime.
“See you later, Sirius,” Pandora waved, then tilted her head in the way she always did for their visitors.
He walked back down the dimly lit stairwell and assumed one of his usual positions in the kitchen, next to a sign that read ‘No Garlic Within These Premises’ that James had gifted him and Regulus a few Halloweens ago. He thought it was hilarious, even if the brothers were unamused by it.
“In the kitchen this time, boss?” Barty poked his head out of the fridge.
Sirius jumped a little. “What the hell are you doing in the fridge? It’s not one of your assigned spots.”
Barty grinned rather wickedly. “I was overheating a bit, you know how it is.”
Sirius did not, in fact, know how it was, being cold-blooded and all. He raised an unimpressed eyebrow, prompting Barty to explain.
“Fine, fine, I thought I was being creative,” he replied. “I guess no one’s allowed to have a sense of whimsy these days.”
Sirius was used to his overdramatic antics at this point. Although, in the beginning, Barty was the hardest to handle; he was chaos personified. Regulus warned Sirius before introducing them to each other, but it wasn’t much help. Barty’s sharp teeth and claws, pointy ears, and tail were enough to render Sirius speechless. Not to mention he was green.
Barty crawled out of the fridge. “I guess I’ll move if you’re in here.”
Sirius sighed. “It would be nice if you went wherever you’re supposed to be.”
“The first floor bathroom…” he muttered. “Bathrooms are gross. Besides, Pete’s in there.”
“I thought Peter was on break with James?”
“Well the third floor toilet is clogged and Marlene’s in the second floor bathroom,” Barty said. “He’s gotta take a shit somewhere.”
“Estimating thirty seconds until the approaching group reaches me. You have one minute to station yourselves.”
Regulus took his job very seriously. Sirius did too, although perhaps a little less. It wouldn’t really matter if Barty was in the kitchen with him, but they liked being spread out so they each got their own moment to scare their customers.
“Go find somewhere to be, then,” Sirius rushed out. “Anywhere, as long as no one’s already there.”
“Can’t I just follow Evan around like the good old days?” Barty complained.
“You stopped doing that because he started hiding in the walls and you’re not exactly physically capable of that.”
Barty huffed. “Fine. I’ll hide in the cleaning supply closet or something. See ya, boss.”
Before Sirius could tell him for the thousandth time that there was no need to call him that, Barty was gone down the hallway.
Sirius turned his mind to Peter. Why would he decide now to use the bathroom? There was barely any time for him to make it back to the break room, or at least the third floor—which was entirely off limits to the public.
He sighed, he could never stay angry at Peter.
Peter was hired shortly after Remus, who realized he could make a nicer life for himself working here. James met Peter at a graveyard—well, his literal grave, to be more exact—and offered him the job solely because he felt bad for the poor guy. Fresh out of the soil he’d been buried in decades ago, Peter was discombobulated and had no life he wished to return to. Once he began living and working with them he quickly became a close friend to James, Sirius, and Remus.
“Group has paid the entrance fee,” Regulus told them. “They’re coming your way.”
Sirius didn’t have time to ponder Peter’s questionable bathroom timing. He just hoped he’d get out of the way soon enough.
It was showtime.
⬧⬧⬧
They closed the haunted house at two in the morning.
“Good work today,” Regulus said as he locked the massive front door.
James, who was the last person inside, stood near Regulus.
“I loved hearing your voice in my ear all night,” he purred, leaning into Regulus’ space.
Regulus rolled his eyes, but the blush that made its way up his pale neck was noticeable. “I did not enjoy hearing yours for the past two hours.”
James giggled. “Sure, Reg, sure.”
Sirius wanted to vomit. He didn’t even know if that was possible considering eating wasn’t required for him to exist.
Because those two worked outside as greeters, their earpieces were equipped with microphones. They didn’t exactly need the earpiece part, because no one could reply to them unless it was each other. They kept them on regardless, and Sirius was growing increasingly suspicious of the reason why.
James had been flirting with Regulus for years. Ever since Sirius introduced his best mate to his family, which was probably sixteen years ago. He didn’t really keep track anymore. Time passed differently for him.
The point was: after all this time James still wasn’t succeeding. Although, it became more obvious every day that Regulus wasn’t actually bothered by it. In fact, his quick retorts and pink cheeks and unsubtle glances at James implied he might even enjoy it.
Sirius never really had an opinion on James’ teasing or Regulus’ response to it. He only wanted the best for both of them and if the best just so happened to be each other, then so be it.
“I’m going to bed now,” Remus said from behind Sirius, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face in his neck. “You coming?”
Sometimes Sirius forgot half of them still needed normal sleep. The other half—him, Regulus, Dorcas, Peter, Evan—were undead and could survive without it. But who would pass up some cuddles with their sleepy boyfriend? Not Sirius.
“Yeah, I’ll be right there, Moony,” he whispered.
“M’kay.” Remus kissed his neck then took the stairs up to their room on the third floor.
“I’m tired too.” Marlene yawned. “Bring me to bed?” She batted her eyelashes at Dorcas.
Dorcas rolled her eyes, but grabbed Marlene by the waist and hauled her off to her room.
“What are you going to do tonight, Reg?” Sirius asked his brother.
Regulus shrugged. “Maybe hang out with Evan since Dorcas has been stolen from me.” He looked around the room. “If I can even find him, that is.”
Sirius was pretty sure Evan was wherever Barty had disappeared to. Those two were never apart (unless he forced them to be apart while they were working).
“I can keep you company,” James offered mischievously, once again invading Regulus’ personal space. “All night if you’d like.”
Regulus lightly pushed him away. “You need sleep, James.”
James sighed dramatically. “It’s like you care about my health or something.”
Regulus snorted but didn’t argue. “Don’t forget to take your makeup off. Let your skin breathe.”
“Yeah, yeah.” James crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re not the boss of me.”
Sirius shared a glance with Regulus. “Well, technically—”
“Shut up,” James interrupted. “I know you’re the bosses and blah, blah, blah. Whatever.”
“You’re getting grumpy,” Regulus noted, amused. “That means it’s time for bed.”
James pouted, which looked awfully ridiculous with his painted-on clown smile.
“Regulus is right, mate, you worked hard tonight,” Peter said, emerging from the kitchen. “You too, Sirius. Go snuggle with your wolf.”
And, well, he could never argue with Peter. Neither could James.
“Fine. Thanks, Pete,” James said, then turned to Regulus with the sweetest expression he could muster. “Tuck me in?”
“What?” Regulus’ cheeks turned pink, which was miraculous considering he didn’t have any of his own blood in him. “Absolutely not, James Potter. You are a grown man.”
“Yeah, but you’re considerably more grown, so.”
Regulus mumbled something under his breath that Sirius guessed was a string of curse words before sighing. “Fine. But I’m only walking you to your room.”
James smiled suggestively. “Fine.”
“And if you speak a single word, I’m leaving.”
“Fine,” James grumbled.
Sirius couldn’t believe them. They were awful.
“Goodnight!” he bid everyone before bolting up the stairs to his boyfriend.
⬧⬧⬧
The butterflies in James’ stomach were positively jumping for joy. Regulus was walking him to his bedroom, of all places, and it was like everything was right in the world.
“Regulus,” he spoke as they strolled down a quiet hallway.
Regulus stopped walking. “Didn’t I tell you not to talk?”
“Oh.” James paused for a long moment, eyes flickering between Regulus and the ancient floor. “Sorry.”
They continued walking. James wasn’t particularly fond of silence, especially not in this eerie house, but he was always fond of being near Regulus. That didn’t mean he wasn’t fighting the urge to start some banter with him. That’s what they did best, after all. James adored the quick back and forth of their conversations. Regulus’ wit matched James’ energy; he could handle anything James threw at him.
Once they reached the stairwell situated somewhere in the back corner of the mansion, James couldn’t keep his mouth shut any longer.
“You look really pretty tonight,” he blurted out.
Regulus stopped on the second step of the stairs. He swallowed. “James,” he lightly scolded him for speaking.
James blinked. “Sorry.”
“No, I—” Regulus sighed before mumbling, “Don’t apologize. Thank you.”
James beamed. “Anytime, love.”
“You’re pushing it.”
Regulus started to make his way up the stairs and James scrambled to catch up.
“I mean it, you know,” James said after they’d climbed a few steps.
Regulus briefly glanced in his direction. “I do know.”
This pleased James. In his obviously very correct opinion, Regulus deserved to be reminded of his beauty every second of every day and every night for the rest of his life. Or well, eternity, in his case.
“I always look the same, though,” Regulus added. “Every night.”
James raised his eyebrows pointedly, as if to say ‘Well, yeah, obviously you look really pretty every night.’
“Maybe. Some nights you smile more than others.” James felt his own abnormally large clown grin widen at the mere thought of Regulus’ smile. “Tonight, for example. You’re extra pretty when you smile.”
Pink flooded the vampire’s cheeks, which made James as confused as it always did.
“How do you blush if you’re not alive?” he wondered aloud.
“I’m not blushing.” Regulus shot him a glare, but it had no effect when combined with his warm cheeks.
“Oh, come on.” James stared at him for a moment, a contemplative expression on his painted face. “You look pretty like this, too.”
“James,” Regulus let out a flustered warning.
“Just being honest, love.”
This time, Regulus didn't complain about the term of endearment. James counted this as progress. He liked to think he'd been slowly making progress in many miniscule ways since he'd first met Regulus. He wasn't sure what exactly he was progressing toward, but he knew it had something to do with cracking Regulus’ centuries-old cold exterior. And perhaps also something to do with discovering what Regulus truly thought of him once he reached his warmer interior.
Getting him flustered was most definitely a big step in the right direction.
“We're here.” Regulus stopped in front of James' bedroom.
James blinked in surprise. He hadn't even noticed they’d made it to the top of the stairs and down the hallway. Probably because he was too lost in his own thoughts about the vampire next to him. He wasn't ashamed of it.
“Oh,” he said.
Regulus glanced at him. “Oh,” he repeated.
“So.” James was sort of at a loss for words. He didn't want to bid Regulus goodnight so soon. “Tuck me in?”
Regulus groaned out of annoyance and rolled his eyes. “How many times do I have to tell you? No. You can do it yourself, you big baby.”
James cackled, his head thrown back, then sighed dramatically. “I bet you'd tuck me in real good, though.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what it sounds like.”
Regulus huffed. “Well you made it sound oddly sexual.”
“Not my fault you associate me with sex,” James replied with a shrug.
Regulus' blush was back, much to James' selfish delight. “For fuck’s sake, stop being disgusting!”
James laughed. “You love it.”
“I do not.”
James opened his mouth to speak, but instead let out a yawn. “Alright, as much as I’d love to argue with you right now, I really need to sleep.”
“Okay,” Regulus said. “Goodnight.”
James smiled fondly at him for a moment, noting how it made him squirm. “Goodnight, love,” he whispered.
He turned around to open his door, with the goal of collapsing on his bed immediately. It wasn’t as if his job was particularly exhausting, but living with a bunch of undead beings who didn’t sleep ever caused him to be awake far more than he should’ve been. Too often he’d stay awake an extra hour or two just to get another moment with Regulus. Perhaps it was pathetic, to ruin his sleep schedule for someone who didn’t sleep, but—
“Wait.”
James turned back around to see Regulus standing much closer than he had been before. Oh. His heart was racing now.
“Yeah?”
Regulus’ eyes darted anywhere but James’ face. “Um.”
“Reg?” James tilted his head. “Look at me, love.”
Regulus’ eyes hesitantly met James’. “Don’t forget to remove your makeup and face paint,” he blurted out. “And your contact lenses. And…”
James was amused. “And?”
Regulus took a deep breath, then stepped forward. James almost couldn’t believe it when Regulus stood on his tiptoes and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.
“Sleep well,” he whispered, close enough that James could feel the words on his neck.
Before James could process what had just happened, Regulus was gone.
Damn vampires and their unbelievably quick methods of escape.
James felt like he was in a trance or a daydream or something surreal as he entered his bedroom and shut the door behind him. He did, in fact, collapse on his bed, but not for the reason he had been anticipating.
Holy shit.
He rolled over and stared at the ceiling. His crush of sixteen years had just kissed him. On the cheek—but still! This was some major progress.
He fell asleep with Regulus’ blush and smile and lips on his mind.
⬧⬧⬧
“D’you reckon Regulus is lonely without us?” Barty asked Evan, who was floating beside him on the balcony, half of his body-like form through the large potted plant in the corner.
“I'm sure he's doing just fine.”
Barty exhaled smoke from his cigarette. In his opinion, cigarettes were a grand human invention. He'd discovered them through Evan, who hadn't been much of a smoker during his human days but enjoyed sharing things with Barty.
“I'm tired,” Barty said, then promptly yawned.
“Go to bed.”
Barty hummed. “I suppose that would be the logical solution here. But…”
“Barty,” Evan said.
“Yeah?”
Their eyes met from across the balcony.
Evan gave him a pointed look. “I’ll be just fine without you for a few hours.”
“Well,” Barty grumbled. “I know, but—”
“No buts. Sleep is important.”
“But—” Barty huffed. “But I'll miss you.”
‘I’ll come with you,” Evan said, as if it were that simple.
“You can’t sleep,” Barty reminded him. “Or even get into a bed, for that matter.”
“I’ll just be there, then.”
Barty snorted. “And watch me sleep? How creepy.”
Evan shrugged. “You’re cute when you’re asleep.”
And, well, that took Barty by surprise. Evan’s nonchalance made his words sound blunt and even rude at times, but other times… he just said things that made Barty feel dizzy. A good dizzy.
“Wait—” Barty paused for a moment. “Does that mean you’ve watched me sleep before?”
“I miss your presence sometimes,” Evan looked at the ground. “Sorry.”
“No, no, it’s okay.” Barty finished his cigarette and disposed of it. He took a deep breath of the night’s fresh air. “Okay, yeah. Come on, let's go to bed.”
Evan smiled and followed close behind.
⬧⬧⬧
Lily wasn’t expecting to see Pandora sitting on her bookshelf when she went to her bedroom for the night.
“Oh! Hello there, Pandora,” she greeted the doll.
Pandora turned her head slowly, in the way most people would deem creepy. Lily thought it was elegant of her; she was made of precious material, so why should she risk damaging herself to fit in?
“Hi, Lily. Sorry for intruding. Sirius brought me here earlier and I think he forgot.”
Lily frowned. “That’s not very nice of him.”
If Pandora could shrug she would’ve. “It’s alright, I’m sure he just got distracted by Remus. Besides, it’s a great room you’ve got here.”
Pandora was the absolute sweetest haunted doll Lily had ever encountered. She was also the only one, but that was besides the point.
“I’m a bit peeved I can’t see your lovely spellbook collection from up here, though,” Pandora continued. “Since they’re on the shelves under me, and all.”
“Oh, yes. Would you like me to show them to you? I’ve got potion books as well.”
“Really?” Pandora lit up. “I would love that.”
“Did I hear potions?” Mary’s voice asked before Mary’s head popped in the room. “Hey, Pandora! Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear you.”
“It’s quite alright.” Lily smiled. “What do you think about two witches showing you their spell and potion book collections?”
Pandora looked positively gleeful. “It would be an honour.”
Mary stepped into the room to give Lily a quick peck on the forehead. “Alright, I’ll be right back with some of my books.”
The thing Lily loved most about her job were moments like this, when she could share her skills with those who were interested. Having Mary around was always a plus.
⬧⬧⬧
The townsfolk shared many stories of the mansion on the edge of town, but no one knew who was telling the truth. Some said it was just transformed into a haunted house for the Halloween season, others claimed they’d seen the actors in costume during strange months, like February and July. It was a puzzling mystery. A few supposedly ‘imaginative’ people were close to the truth, but the rest tended not to listen to them. Most decided they’d go see for themselves once October came around again.
The Black brothers never complained about the rumours; it made them profit, after all.