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There were no tests coming up, so there was nothing to study for, but the group still met as always.
Abed, always one to get the plot started, blurted “Let’s play Never Have I Ever!” as soon as everyone was seated.
“What’s Never Have I Ever?” asked Annie.
“It’s this game where we go around in a circle and everyone says ‘never have I ever’ and then something that they’ve never done, and anyone who has done it has to put a finger down,” explained Abed quickly.
“That sounds fuu-uun,” said Shirley, making fun two syllables instead of one.
“I remember that game,” Troy said excitedly. “People played it at every party when I was in high school.”
“Let’s play!” said Annie. “All in favor?”
They all nodded, or in Jeff’s case shrugged. They each put up a hand with all five fingers showing. “I’ll start,” Abed said. “Never have I ever been able to read an analog clock.”
Everyone except Abed put a finger down. “Yess!” he hissed.
“Don’t celebrate that,” scoffed Jeff, raising an eyebrow. “You can’t read a clock? You’re, like--How old are you?”
“Your turn, Troy,” said Abed, ignoring Jeff.
Troy beamed. “Hell yeah! Never have I ever been to China.”
No one put a finger down. “I don’t think you’re playing this right,” Jeff commented.
Everyone looked at the empty seat where Pierce should be. They hadn’t noticed he wasn’t there until right then. “Where’s Pierce?” asked Annie.
Jeff waved his non-game hand. “Who cares? If he were here he’d just say ‘Never have I ever been gay.’”
Abed put a finger down without comment. Everyone stared. Troy especially, eyes wide.
“Never have I ever cheated on a test!” Shirley said to change the topic. She preferred to ignore that gay little slip up. She didn’t want to have a Talk with Abed.
Britta stared at Jeff, who stared right back at her. They put their fingers down at the same time. Troy put a finger down, and Abed followed. Lastly, Annie sheepishly put a finger down, very slowly.
“Annie!” Shirley gasped, clutching her cross necklace. “Academic dishonesty? From you? The rest of these hooligans I expected but YOU?”
“It was only once!” Annie defended. “I had some hard times in high school!”
“I can’t believe this,” said Shirley, shaking her head.
Everyone now had three fingers up except for Shirley who had four. Annie smiled awkwardly. “I guess it’s my turn. Never have I ever broken a bone.”
Only Troy and Abed put fingers down, which was surprising to Annie. “Really? You’re telling me none of the rest of you have ever broken a bone?”
“Nope,” said Jeff, snark sneaking into his voice. “I kind of care about my body.”
“When did you break a bone, Abed?” asked Troy.
“I had some hard times in high school,” he replied, echoing Annie’s earlier words. Troy shivered. He patted Abed’s hand on the table. Abed patted his back, not quite understanding.
“You guys are playing this all wrong,” Jeff said. “Let’s make things interesting.” He raised his eyebrows at Britta. “Never have I ever pronounced ‘bagel’ wrong.”
The group laughed, and Britta begrudgingly put a finger down. “Oh, that’s how you want to play this, is it? Never have I ever intentionally started a fight between other people!”
“I feel like you kinda have, probably, sometime in your--Hey!” Jeff held up his arms as a shield from the balls of paper everyone was throwing at him. “Alright, alright, I’ll put down a finger!”
“That’s one full loop!” Abed announced. “I like this new offensive direction we’ve taken. Never have I ever made out in a movie theater.”
Britta put down a finger, leaving her with only one. Abed shook his head at her. “Shame on you.”
“A movie theater is a sacred place!” agreed Troy. “How dare you desecrate it with your smooches.”
Abed nodded seriously, getting slightly heated. “No one wants to hear you kissing while we’re trying to watch a movie!”
“Honestly how dare you,” said Jeff, half-sarcastically.
“Shut up,” Britta huffed. “Your turn, Troy.”
“Never have I ever toilet papered someone’s house, but I really want to,” he said.
Abed put a finger down. “We should do it together sometime.”
They did their handshake. “Sounds awesome!” said Troy, smiling widely.
“Wait, Shirley?” Annie said incredulously. Everyone turned to see that Shirley had put down a finger too, so that she had three left. Shirley made an innocent hm sound, but her face was clearly guilty. Annie scoffed. “You clutched your pearls when I said I’ve cheated on one test my entire life, but you’ve toilet papered someone’s house?”
“It was only one house!”
“Oh, it was only one house? Well that’s just--swell!” She shrugged at the looks she got. “Couldn't think of a better adjective. Still hypocritical!”
“Oh? Well never have I ever had a drug problem!” Shirley snapped.
“That doesn’t count, Shirley, because it has to be something you’ve never done, and we all know about your alcoholism,” Annie hissed.
“Yep, null and void,” said Abed, self-appointed referee.
“And that’s not even a good one, because that targets Britta too!” continued Annie. “Never have I ever believed in god!”
Shirley gasped and put down another finger. Jeff looked at them like they were crazy. “This is stupid.”
“You’re stupid,” muttered Annie.
“Yeah? Well never have I ever been in ten academic clubs at the same time because I’m a tryhard and I think it makes me better than everyone!”
Annie gasped in her Annie way, and Britta jumped in, targeting Jeff. “Never have I ever been such an asshole that I kissed more than one person in the same twenty-four hours!”
“Never have I ever taken a DVD that belonged to someone else without permission even though they specifically said never to do that!” said Abed, glaring at Britta.
“Never have I ever pretended to be someone’s mom in public to have an excuse to be a jerk to them!” Troy yelled at Shirley.
“Never have I ever licked the disgusting-ass window outside an ice cream shop!” she shot back.
Annie’s turn now, and she narrowed her eyes at Troy. “Never have I ever been so stupid I left the stove on and almost caused a fire.”
“Never have I ever gotten popcorn butter all over someone else’s car when I didn’t even have permission to be in it, like a rude asshole!” said Jeff to Abed.
Britta opened her mouth for her turn, but Abed stopped her. “We’re all out of fingers.”
And it was true. Everyone looked around at the hurt faces and chaos they’d all collectively created.
“Well…” started Britta, “Never have I ever been a great filmmaker.”
Abed smiled, getting where this was going. “Never have I ever been the best Constable Reggie in the multiverse.”
“Never have I ever been a good mother,” said Troy, making eye contact with Shirley. She nodded a thank you and turned to Annie.
“Never have I ever made good choices and gotten my life together at the age of twenty,” she said.
“Never have I ever been amazing at speeches,” Annie said to Jeff.
“Never have I ever actually cared about anything with Britta-style intensity,” he said, somewhat begrudgingly.
They sat in silence for a few seconds.
“Study session over!” said Abed abruptly, standing up and grabbing his bag. Everyone else followed suit.
They exchanged goodbyes. Time for their next classes.