Chapter Text
Adora is awake as soon as the dorm room door cracks open and lets in a sliver of light from the hallway. It's a rare night where Mermista is actually here, dozing in the bed on the opposite wall. Her roommate only makes an occasional appearance when she and Sea Hawk are fighting, or if she just wants to affirm that she doesn't really live with him. Sometimes she doesn’t even come back when they’re on a break, kicking him out of his own apartment and making him sleep on his boat. Luckily, unlike Adora, she's a heavy sleeper.
Adora opens her eyes a slit, and sees Catra's silhouette shimmying out of her jeans. She slams her lids shut again. The denim makes a soft sound as it hits the tile floor, and she hears the gentle rumbling of the dresser, Catra no doubt grabbing one of Adora's big shirts to sleep in.
Catra is near silent as she pads across the room, but Adora can still sense her. She shuffles closer to the wall to give her space. Catra slips under the covers and curls up. She reaches behind her to take Adora's wrist and drapes it over her waist. Adora takes the hint and closes the distance to spoon.
A gentle purr kicks up at the contact, Catra's breathing growing slower almost immediately as she starts to drift off to sleep. Now that she's so close, Adora can smell perfume.
Catra doesn't wear perfume.
Adora can guess why she was stumbling into the room at two in the morning. Her body certainly isn't tense or shaky like it would be if she came over after a nightmare, instead seeming...extra relaxed. Adora wonders if whatever girl she was with lives in this dorm, or at least closer to this side of campus. Is Catra here out of convenience or—
It's none of her business. Adora does her best to ignore the foreign smell, and settles in to sleep.
No matter the reason for the visit, she's happy to cuddle her best friend. She always sleeps better with Catra in her arms.
***
“Bow made me breakfast again,” Glimmer says as she drops down beside Adora at the study table.
Based on her tone, this seems to be a crisis of some kind, but Adora isn't sure why.
“Was it...bad?” she asks.
“No, it was amazing,” Glimmer groans in way that is borderline inappropriate and definitely too loud for the library.
“I don't understand what the problem is,” Adora says.
“The problem is I don't know what it means,” she says.
Adora rolls her eyes. Glimmer has taken to analyzing every minor thing Bow does for clues as to how he feels about her, refusing to entertain the idea of simply asking him. Adora gets that realizing the extent of her feelings only after they moved into a two bedroom apartment together was not ideal timing. But it's been eight months and Adora just wants her to say something and put them all out of their misery. She isn't always the most observant about these kinds of things, but she's pretty sure that Bow is just as in love with Glimmer as she is with him. They have a one year lease and Adora has been strongly encouraging Glimmer to confess before they make a decision about renewing. If Bow doesn't feel the same way, they'll at least have the distance of the summer break to get over the awkwardness.
Instead of agreeing to this very rational plan, Glimmer has started begging Adora to share an apartment with the two of them for senior year. Adora doesn't see how that would remotely solve the problem. And between her scholarships and need based aid, living in the dorms is too affordable to justify leaving. Even if living with mostly freshman is starting to get old.
“It probably means he likes having breakfast with you,” Adora says.
Glimmer huffs. “I don't know why I bother asking you. You think a girl climbing into your twin-sized bed to cuddle with you half-naked is platonic.”
“It is,” Adora says. “We shared a bed a lot growing up. It doesn't mean anything. You and Bow used to have sleepovers.”
“Our sleepovers never involved snuggling in our underwear,” Glimmer says. “When will you stop being so repressed and just admit that you're pining and we're in the same situation? I want to commiserate!”
“I'm not pining,” Adora says. “And if I were, we still wouldn't be in the same situation. Catra doesn't do relationships. With Bow, you actually have a chance.”
“You obviously have a chance, Adora,” Glimmer says. “She's all over you, all the time. If Catra did half the stuff with me she does with you, I would jump her. And I'm in love with someone else.”
Adora gives her an annoyed look. “Did you come here to study or project all your issues onto me?”
Glimmer rolls her eyes, but flips opens her textbook.
***
As usual, midterms kick Adora's ass. She's learned a lot more about time management since the first few semesters of college when she almost lost her scholarship. But she still struggles with focus sometimes, and then when she does hit her stride she feels afraid to stop for things like food and sleep in case she can't get that stream of productivity back. She knows intellectually that she does better work when she has all her basic needs met, but it's hard to remember in the moment.
The only reason she doesn't end up pulling any all-nighters is because Catra enforces a bed time all week. She tends to camp out in Adora's room during midterms and finals. At first it would make Adora feel even more guilty, like she's such a failure at taking care of herself that her friends have to step in even though they're having a stressful week too. But Catra just insists that she's also suffering and deserves to be lulled to sleep by pets. It's an offer Adora can never refuse.
She's definitely more than ready to blow off some steam at Bow and Glimmer's end-of-midterms party. They used to hit up one of the ragers on Greek Row, but now that Bow and Glimmer have their own place they usually host something more casual. Adora definitely prefers it. She never felt completely comfortable drinking around strangers. Now she gets to sit on her best friends' couch, nursing the second (or third?) helping of some fruity mixed drink Glimmer made for her and giggle as she watches Catra punch herself in the face.
They have all reached the level of drunk or stoned—or, in Scorpia's case, sober but no less enthusiastic—to think that charades is a good idea. Even tipsy, Adora can guess the word almost immediately, which is why she and Catra aren't allowed to be on the same team.
Catra isn't actually punching herself in the face, though her impaired state and frustration with the prompt may have made her hand connect with her forehead with a little more force than she intended. She repeats the motion of dragging a fist forward from her forehead in a short line, growing increasingly irritated as Scorpia and Bow shout outlandish guesses.
“Punch!”
“Third eye!”
“Bow, buddy, it's one word, remember?” Scorpia says kindly, the second reminder in as many minutes. “Ooh, maybe she's tipping a hat? Cowgirl!”
“Fuckboi!”
Catra growls in frustration, and then points an accusing finger at Adora.
“Adora?” Scorpia says, confused.
“Hairpoof!” Bow bellows.
“Foul!” Glimmer screeches. “You can't use props!”
The timer runs out, and Catra immediately hisses at her.
“You put that in there every time,” Catra says. “You just want me to act like a horse!”
Glimmer snorts. “Kinky.”
“That was supposed to be a horse?” Perfuma says, confused.
“Unicorn,” Adora corrects with a grin.
Catra flips her off. Adora sloppily blows her a kiss.
“Oh,” Scorpia says. “If you acted like a horse, that probably would have helped, Wildcat.”
“I was doing the horn!” Catra says, finally turning to glare at her teammates. “I refuse to act like a horse!”
“This is a safe space,” Perfuma says serenely. “Free yourself from the limitations of shame.”
“What, do you think you're better than us?” Glimmer snaps, clearly at the stage of inebriation where she tries to pick fights. “If the paper says to act like a horse, act like a damn horse!”
“Unicorn,” Adora repeats.
It’s their team’s turn next and Adora and Glimmer get into a heated debate about who should act out the prompt. Glimmer points out that Adora is a terrible actor. Adora insists that she’s actually better at it when she’s drunk. Perfuma ultimately sides with Adora because she believes in second chances. Glimmer begrudgingly relents because they’re ahead by two points anyway.
Adora’s prompt is “spaceship.” To indicate “space” she points up, then starts doing a moonwalk.
“Up? Backwards? Back up?” Perfuma tries.
“Back that ass up!” Glimmer shouts. “Dump truck!”
“Disco? Oh—I think that's supposed to be a moonwalk. Moon!”
Adora tries to indicate that they're close.
“Full moon! Half moon! Gibbous moon! Harvest moon! Blood moon!”
Adora isn't sure how to get Perfuma to stop reciting moons, so she moves onto the second part of the word. She tries to indicate that the syllable sounds like “lip” and points to her mouth, but that just leads to Glimmer yelling a bunch of lewd suggestions. Adora tries pointing to her hip instead and that does not help matters.
She sees Catra shaking with laughter on the couch and loses her train of thought for a few seconds. Catra is so pretty.
Perfuma looks between the two of them.
“Star-crossed lovers?” she guesses with an amused smile.
“Be gay on your own time!” Glimmer crows. “Keep your head in the game, Gray!”
“Like you’re one to talk, half your guesses have ‘pussy’ in them,” Catra says.
“I’m close!” Glimmer says with complete confidence.
“That’s what she said,” Bow snickers.
“Who?” Glimmer demands. “Who's been saying that to you?!”
“Keep your head in the game, Sparkles,” Catra teases.
This causes Glimmer to whip her burning gaze back to Adora, who panics and decides to flap her arms like wings.
“…Maybe I’m not close,” Glimmer mutters.
Catra cackles. The timer runs out and Adora pouts.
“What was it?” Glimmer says.
“Let me guess,” Catra says with a smirk. “Spaceship.”
Adora cheers and claps, skipping over to where Catra is sitting on the couch and throwing her arms around her, swaying on her feet a little as she bends over. Catra hugs her back, guiding her down and arranging them so that Adora is sitting sideways on her lap.
“How did you get 'spaceship' from all that?” Glimmer demands.
“What else flies in space?” Catra says.
Adora reaches out and cups her cheek. “You're so smart.”
“Adora!” Glimmer says. “Stop fraternizing with the enemy!”
“I don't want to be Catra's enemy anymore,” Adora whines. “I want to stay here!”
Catra drags a scent mark across Adora's palm then turns to look pointedly at Glimmer. “Mine.”
They decide to wrap up the game after that, which Glimmer stops objecting to when she realizes that means that their team won. Adora just lets the party happen around her for a bit, content resting with her head in the crook of Catra's neck.
“How come we don't do this?” she asks at one point, her voice low. “You sit in my lap, but I don't sit in yours.”
“You never asked,” Catra says. “If you want something, you just have to ask.”
Adora sighs, nuzzling into her shoulder. “I like it here.”
Catra is quiet for a moment. “Do you want pets?”
Adora gasps. “Yes!”
Catra reaches up and uses a claw to snap her hair tie. Adora pouts, but Catra just gives her an unrepentant grin.
“It was in the way,” she says, then starts gently scratching and massaging Adora's scalp.
It's really nice, and Adora melts into it. She wishes she could purr.
Perfuma and Scorpia eventually decide to head out, and then it's just the best friend squad. Glimmer brings each of them some water, then dims the lights and puts on a movie.
Adora tries to pay attention, but she keeps dozing. Alcohol and cuddles are a lethal combination. Next thing she knows, she's being jostled awake by soft laughter reverberating in Catra's chest.
As she blinks the sleep out of her eyes, she looks over at the blurry TV screen. The movie is probably ending, based on the fact that two people that were fighting in the last scene she remembers seem to be getting married now.
“Hey, Catra?” Glimmer asks.
Catra gives a questioning mrrp?
“Do you want to get married?” she asks.
Adora goes stiff in Catra's arms, raising her head a little to glare at her supposed best friend on the other end of the couch.
“I'm flattered, Sparkles, but this is a little sudden,” Catra says.
“I mean generally,” Glimmer says, the corner of her lips quirked as she makes eye contact with Adora. “I know you usually keep things casual. Are you not interested in relationships, or has the right person just not asked you?”
“Shut up, Sparkles,” Catra says, an edge to her voice now. “The 'right person' is never going to ask me.”
Adora shoots up, scrambling to see Catra's face. “What? What do you mean?”
Catra's ears pin back. “Nothing. Just watch the stupid movie.”
Adora has a dozen questions on the tip of her tongue, but her mind is still lagging from sleep and booze. This is probably a conversation they should have while fully cognizant and in private.
She settles back in Catra's arms. When she glances back at Glimmer, she's wearing a victorious grin.
***
Adora waits several days to broach the subject again, trying to plan out the best way to do so without Catra getting defensive.
Catra is currently laying face down in her mattress, blissed out in a sunbeam while Adora pets her. The crop top she's wearing provides easy access for direct contact with her fur.
Adora clears her throat. “So, um, do you remember that thing you said to Glimmer during the movie?”
Catra's purr dies. “I was drunk.”
“I know,” Adora says quickly. “But it just sounded like—like maybe you wanted a relationship and didn't think someone would want one with you.”
Catra looks at her, her expression unreadable. “I didn't mean that no one would. I was just talking about...a specific person.”
Adora feels her stomach drop. “You like someone?”
“What about you?” Catra huffs, sitting up on the bed now. “You haven't dated anyone since Starla, right?”
“...Right,” Adora says, reluctantly dropping her hands to her lap.
She and Starla dated for a couple of months near the end of her sophomore year, right around the time she and Catra finally made up after their disastrous falling out freshman year. When Starla broke up with her, she said it was because it was clear she wasn't Adora's focus anymore. It confused her, because she had finally started to get better about time management and she thought she was being an attentive girlfriend.
“That was a year ago,” Catra says. “Why aren't you trying to date?”
Adora furrows her brow. “I don't know. Too many other things going on, I guess?”
She hasn't felt a need since the break-up. She has her friends, and she has Catra back. Sure, it would be nice to have someone to kiss and go on cute dates with too, but in most ways her social life is the best it's ever been.
“What about that girl from the gym you have a crush on?” Catra says. “You're just never going to make a move?”
“Huntara?” Adora says, feeling her face heat. “I don't have a crush. I don't know anything about her.”
“But you want to, right?” Catra says, shifting uncomfortably. “Do you need, like, a wingwoman?”
“What?” Adora says. “No. Hitting on someone in the gym is so skeevy! I wouldn't want to make her uncomfortable.”
“You don't have to hit on her,” Catra says. “You can start by saying 'hi' instead of just drooling at her from across the room.”
“I don't drool,” Adora says. “And I don't need to talk to her. That would just kill the fantasy.”
Catra raises an eyebrow. “What, you're such a bottom that you need her to make the first move?”
“That's not what I meant!” Adora splutters.
“Oh, it's not?” Catra says. “You're telling me 'the fantasy' isn't her tossing you around a bit with those big muscles?”
Adora knows she must be fire engine red at this point. “That's not the kind of fantasy I'm talking about! I just mean—you know, you see a cute girl and you start to daydream that maybe her personality is just as attractive. You see a whole relationship play out in your head where the two of you would compliment and challenge each other in all the best ways, fall in love, and live happily ever after. But it's just a fantasy. Probably what will actually happen if you talk to the cute girl is that you find out that she's straight or taken or not compatible with you after all. Best case scenario you make everything awkward, worst case scenario you end up heartbroken, and either way you can never go back to the campus gym again!”
Catra blinks at her. “You're never going to find the one by only dating girls in your head, Adora.”
“Why are we talking about me?” Adora says, crossing her arms. “I'm happy being single right now. And I've actually gone on dates and had a girlfriend before. Do you need me to wingwoman you with the person you like?”
Catra pitches to her side and balls up on the mattress, facing away from her. “No. Can we please drop it? She doesn't want me. Not like I want her.”
Her voice is so small, and Adora feels her heart break a little hearing it. She hesitates, then reaches out to squeeze Catra's shoulder. “If she can't see how amazing you are, she's an idiot.”
Catra lets out a pained laugh. “Yeah. She is.”
Her tone is achingly fond. Adora is hit with an unexpected wave of intense emotion—something bitter and twisted in her gut.
She realizes with horror that she's jealous.
***
Adora has been trying to bury the strange jealousy she's experiencing over the mystery object of Catra's affections for weeks. Now that she's had some healthy distance from the conversation, she thinks she's finally figured out the root of the feeling.
She's never been jealous of Catra's hook-ups because they were never a threat to the friendship. But if Catra got a girlfriend, it would inevitably cut into their best friend time. For instance, is Catra still going to stay over every night during midterms and finals if she has a partner? Probably not! Possessiveness has usually been Catra's issue in their relationship, but apparently Adora is more prone to it than she thought.
She feels like she can't even bring up the possibility of living with Catra after graduation because they're supposed to be trying not to repeat the mistakes that tore them apart freshman year, one of which was how codependent they have always been. But if a partner wanted to plan a future with Catra, that would just be fine. Expected, even. Of course she's a little jealous of that! And resentful that this mystery person seems to have no idea how good they have it.
These realizations are making it all the more grating every time Glimmer implies that she is the person Catra wants. Adora feels like she's trapped in a time loop having the same conversation over and over again.
“You should really tell Bow how you feel before you commit to living with him for another year,” she says, for what feels like the hundredth time.
“You're a hypocrite,” Glimmer says. “I'll tell Bow if you ask Catra out.”
Adora can't take it anymore. “Fine! I'll ask her out.”
“You—what?” Glimmer says.
“I'll ask Catra out if you tell Bow how you feel,” Adora says, extending a hand to shake. “Deal?”
Glimmer looks extremely skeptical. “You expect me to believe that you've done a full 180 from denying you even have feelings for her to deciding to ask her to date?”
“If it will finally put this topic to rest and get you to confess to Bow, definitely,” Adora says.
This is probably going to be humiliating, but it will confirm that Catra doesn't have feelings for her and get Glimmer off her back once and for all. And hopefully send her straight into Bow's arms. That will make for a funny story to tell at their wedding.
“Is this a trick?” Glimmer says. “Is Catra in on this?”
“It's not a trick,” Adora says. “I literally just decided. Catra doesn't know anything about it.”
“And you're not going to tell her?” Glimmer says. “Because if you say you're asking her out because we made a deal, she'll think you don't mean it. And if I tell Bow how I feel, he'll know I mean it.”
Adora hadn't thought far ahead, but it's a fair point. She's sure Glimmer will let her explain the whole situation to Catra eventually, once she has let her really stew in her mortification for a bit.
“I agree to those terms,” Adora says. “I won't tell Catra about the deal.”
Glimmer hesitates, but she finally takes her hand and they shake.
Adora pulls out her cell phone and shoots off a message.
“Are you asking her out over text?!”
“Of course not,” Adora says. “I'm asking if she's free to meet up.”
“You're just jumping right in?” Glimmer says. “You? Without creating a 50-point tactical plan first?”
“I don't need 50 points,” Adora says. “I'm going to meet her someplace scenic, where neither of us typically hangs out. That way it will be special, but also doesn't risk ruining a spot I go to regularly with the embarrassing memory of her rejecting me.”
Glimmer just gives Adora a shit-eating grin. “You're going to get there, take one look at Catra, and dissolve into a puddle of gay panic, all while telling yourself that you're doing it in a 'best friend' way. There's no way you're actually going to go through with this.”
Oh, she's definitely going through with this now. Adora never backs down from a challenge.
Adora's phone chirps and she reads the incoming text. “Well, she just agreed to meet up. So, I guess we're about to see.”