Work Text:
Izuku, rather randomly, at 3am when the random thoughts of his brain really come out, decided to do some Buzzfeed quizzes. At the start it was the normal old ‘build your dream house and we will tell you when you die’ type quizzes, but then he moved to ‘which pro hero are you?’ quizzes. From there, he was recommended a quiz that would tell him which Omegaverse rank he would be. Ok so that made him curious. Immediately he filled out the information, and was declared by the quiz to be an omega. Now, see, the normal thing to do here would be to move onto the next quiz, but Izuku had never been great at the whole ‘normal’ thing.
See, Izuku has always been a little too curious for his own good- ask anyone! Kachaan would probably tell you about the time Izuku had been too busy trying to work out of the snake was venomous to notice it lunging at him (it was venomous, and one trip to the hospital later, Izuku promised his mother he would never again get so close to any snake, venomous or otherwise).
Anyway, that story really wasn’t important outside of illustrating the point of Izuku’s dangerous curiosity. What is important- at least to this story, is that Izuku decided he wanted to know what his friends would get. The only problem? None of them (except maybe Ashido or Shinsou) would do the quiz willingly AND honestly. Again, this would be another great point to move on. Izuku wasn’t good at moving on. Instead, he came up with a plan. All he had to do was work out the answers himself, enter them into the quiz, and he would be good to go.
The first question was easy. Which was their favourite emoji out of the options of vomiting, crazy, frustrated, upside down smile, pleading, expressionless, embarrassed or crying laughing. All he had to do was look through the class group chat and work out which was sent the most often.
By the time Izuku had calculated the answers for all of them, he realised he was going to need to take notes, luckily, Izuku was the king of note taking, and he already had an empty notebook, which he simply titled “Please Do Not Read.” Hopefully that would do the trick.
With that, he wrote down names and results, sketching out the emojis as best he could.
Kachaan 😤
Kaminari: 🤪
Uraraka: 🙃
Kirishima: 😂
Iida: 😑
Ashido: 😳
Todoroki: 😑
Shinsou: 😑
The next question was substantially harder. In fact, it was fairly difficult to do in one simple search, so Izuku found his way down to the common rooms. The question talked about a selection of things relating to furries. Izuku himself had a dragon themed fur suit, and he knew the only other furry in the selected group he was studying (he would probably work out the rest of the class after he had done it with just his closest friends), was Mina, so he was able to write hers down, but the others were more complicated.
If they weren’t a furry, the options to choose from were as follows: ‘no, I do not like anthro animals’, ‘no but I like werewolves and vampires’, ‘no, but I like anthropomorphic animals in Disney movies’, ‘I play animal crossing’, ‘I am a monster fucker’ or ‘no but I think Bowser is hot’. Izuku just had to work out which applied to each of his friends. Thankfully, they were all in the common room, and even better, Kaminari and Sero were playing Mariokart while some of the others watched. Perfect.
“Thoughts on Bowser?” Izuku asked as he settled onto one of the couches. It earnt him a few questioning looks, but nothing too bad.
“Hot,” Kaminari responded absently, and suddenly the attention was back off of Izuku. Perfect. He scribbled the answer down next to Kaminari’s name.
“What do you mean?” Iida asked, staring at Kaminari in shock. Oops. He probably didn’t know what to feel about that, considering he probably didn’t know it was a common(ish) thing.
“Bowser’s hot?” Kaminari responded, sounding… not unsure of himself, more confused as to what Iida was asking about, “You know? Like if he were real, I’d probably fuck him? Do you guys not have weird crushes like that?”
“I mean I had a crush on Nala from Lion King?” Uraraka responded uncertainly, giving Izuku the answer for hers, perfect.
“That’s basic as fuck Pink Cheeks,” Bakugo grunted, “I’m a monster fucker, so I’d like to see any of you beat that.”
“Not exactly beating it, but I am also a monster fucker,” Shinsou agreed, and damn, they were really just giving Izuku the answers here. Nice.
“What?” Iida spluttered, sounding thoroughly taken aback. Izuku was pretty sure he could put Iida down for a simple no on this question.
“My father’s a monster, does that make my mother a monster fucker?” Todoroki asked, causing the entire room to splutter in shock, and quickly rush to explain that no, that’s not what that means.
Izuku decided that this was a good time to move onto a different question- he could work out Kirishima’s, Iida’s and Todoroki’s later, considering they were all either a simple no, or they played animal crossing. (He found out later that night that Kirishima and Todoroki did play animal crossing, while Iida did not, officially providing all the answers Izuku needed for this one). For now though, he nudged the conversation to a more useful topic.
“Iida, it’s pretty clear you don’t read fan-fiction- which is completely fine by the way, no judgement of course, but what about everyone else here? Read or write?”
“Midoriya, why are you asking us about our fan-fiction habits?” Shinsou asked quietly once Bakugo had started yelling about how great reading and writing fan-fiction was.
“Just intrigued. Do you read fan-fiction much?”
“Mmm not really. I mostly just read it when I need comfort to be honest.”
“Fair, fair,” Izuku agreed, although he personally wrote and read fanfic way more then he probably should.
“Yo Bakubro, I think we get that reading fanfic is manly. I mean I read it whenever I’m sad personally,” Kirishima cut in, effectively stopping Bakugo’s rant, and drawing Shinsou’s attention away from Izuku long enough for the boy to write down the three he now knew- Bakugo, Shinsou and Kirishima’s.
“Yeah bro, I read fics like every night,” Kaminari agreed. Perfect, another easy answer.
“I write as much as I read, not a huge amount, but it’s usually pretty fun,” Mina added. (Wow Izuku never expected this to be so easy)
“What about you Uraraka?” Izuku asked when no one else piled on to add their bit.
“Not very often, but sometimes I do?” Uraraka replied. Izuku would put her under ‘a couple times a month, fairly inconsistent’.
“I haven’t read… fanfiction? Before. Should I?” Todoroki asked, he was then immediately bombarded with a resounding yes, yes he should. Izuku held in the laughter at that one.
The advice they then continued to give Todoroki ended up working as a perfect segway into another question. Least favourite fanfic trope.
“Surely we give ‘Roki advice on what to avoid? Like obviously he can read anything, but give him some background on what we personally don’t like?” Izuku suggested, “I mean I gotta say I hate soulmate AUs because I like characters choosing things for themselves.”
“I agree with Deku. Soulmates are fucking trash,” Bakugo grunted. Again, perfect answer, keep it up Bakugo.
“What’s worse then soulmates is arranged marriage,” Kirishima added, again perfect, and also valid as hell.
“Nah pregnancy has to be the worst. Mpreg isn’t as bad because like make men suffer, but even still…” Mina added, Denki nodding enthusiastically enough that Izuku could tick them off under the same one.
“I don’t read fanfiction, but in books and movies I find that I don’t like when they immediately share a bed? Maybe that applies here?” Iida offered up awkwardly. Again, fucking perfect.
“Enemies to lovers is the worst. It encourages toxic relationships, and is such bullshit,” Shinsou added, with Uraraka distinctly nodding her agreement. Huh, interesting. Izuku didn’t mind it himself, but he was a big sucker for characters suffering and enemies to lovers definitely tended to lead to a lot of guilt which he enjoyed reading.
“Out of those… arranged marriages sound like I really wouldn’t like them… because my father… yeah…” Todoroki mumbled, more to himself then anything, but it was perfectly helpful for Izuku. Damn, he was good at this.
“Oh I’m also not a huge fan of Only One Bed,” Uraraka added, “It always feels like lazy writing.”
“I’ve seen it done well in some crack fics,” Shinsou pointed out, and Uraraka admitted that was pretty fair. Uraraka not liking only one bed tropes wasn’t helpful in terms of the quiz since that wasn’t an option, but she had seemed pretty against enemies to lovers, so that would work for her.
“Oh we haven’t even talked about smut tags to avoid- or we’ll, obviously it’s fanfiction, you don’t have to avoid shit, but like it’s good to know what there is so you can avoid it if you don’t want to see it you know?” Mina pointed out excitedly- seriously Izuku had NOT expected this conversation to do effectively work to answer so many questions.
“Smut?” Todoroki asked hesitantly, and Izuku almost felt bad for the boy who then had to deal with Bakugo explaining (very loudly) what smut meant. Oh shit, this is going to be an interesting one. Maybe more then a little educational for some of them.
“I avoid lactation tags like the plague… like I don’t know, just feels wierd to me,” Uraraka responded, and no one seemed to argue that, although Iida’s face went white with what looked to be horror at the thought- to be fair, Iida seemed horrified by the entire conversation.
“Anything where it’s a rape drug or something that makes people horny unnaturally and against their will is a big no for me. I’ve seen a few sex pollen or similar things and it’s an immediate DNF for me,” Ashido added. That didn’t surprise Izuku given all he knows about Ashido.
“Tentacles kinda give me the ick, sorry to the monster fuckers in the room,” Kirishima added meekly, not seeming quite able to meet Bakugo’s eyes.
“Eh, tentacles don’t really do it for me, but I certainly don’t mind if it’s a part of it,” Bakugo grunted, “Neutral on that I guess?”
“Tentacles are fucking hot and you guys are missing out,” Shinsou grinned, and honestly Izuku kind of agreed, just a little, “Nah, what I don’t like is watersports. Not sure why, but pissing is where I draw the line. Like honestly, pretty much any kink I’m chill with but eh not that one.”
“Cuckolding is definitely the worse. Like I want my partner to be mine, not someone else’s,” Bakugo argued, making Shinsou frown.
“Disagree, polyamory is peak. Provided you aren’t like being weird about it, you know? There is a difference and both come under cuckolding but like ehh.”
“I kinda think the whole dick size kink is kinda dumb, like don’t get me wrong, big dick is good and all, but like it’s not the only thing, and a lot of fanfics have it become like the only thing.”
Again, Izuku had collected answers from all of them, except Iida and Todoroki. Iida looked like he had died five times over in this conversation, while Todoroki looked distinctly intrigued.
“So, what do you two think?” Izuku nudged, hoping to get an answer of some kind out of them.
“I think… tentacles feel a little too far for me,” Todoroki eventually said, “I’m not really sure about a lot of the others, I’ve never really thought about it before?”
“That’s fair, Iida?” Izuku agreed, deciding addressing the other boy directly would be the only way to get an answer out of him.
“I- uh- I’m definitely not polyamorous? But I have no problem with people who are? It’s just not for me?” He said eventually, “I think- I don’t like a lot of these…”
“That’s ok, you can avoid all of them,” Izuku pointed out with a grin. Ok, he could take that as an answer.
The conversation continued from there, veering into interesting discoveries that he did note down for a later date, but nothing more useful for the quiz, and Izuku decided he’d pushed his luck on not getting called out. He’d work out the omegaverse related one some other time.
In the mean time, Izukuhad to convince them all to play Gartic Phone at tonight’s game night in order to assess artistic abilities for another question. He knew obviously that none had gone to art school, but he didn’t know wether they could or couldn’t draw- well other then Bakugo who couldn’t draw for the life of him and also didn’t bother with games night.
In the end it was an easy discovery that Denki, Iida, and Todoroki can’t draw, but the others can all draw- to some extent, not necessarily insanely well, but it was reasonable enough. Especially considering they weren’t honing their artistic talents or whatever.
In one of the segments of game night where they weren’t doing much of anything, Izuku brought up the Tarot card question, by simply showing a collection of the pictures and making a “game” out of which card fit who the best.
In the end he had all he needed noted down,
Card?
Kachaan (as chosen by the class): Tower
Kaminari: fool
Uraraka: lovers
Kirishima: fortune
Iida: judge
Ashido: star
Todoroki: fortune
Shinsou: priestess
The next question Izuku set his mind on answering was how they all slept, and ok, he could admit that this was a little creepy, but it was in the name of science, so at 3am, Izuku snuck around, slipping silently into rooms and finding out how they slept.
He didn’t dare go into Kachaan’s room, but luckily he already knew the other boy lay with his limbs spread out like a fucking starfish. He’d been kicked out of bed by Kachaan back when they were little kids having sleepovers enough times to know that one.
Thankfully Izuku did not have to go to the girls dorms for this one, since he already knew from how often Uraraka ended up sleeping on the couch that she slept on her side. Mina was an easy memory from the last class sleepover because between her and Bakugo, there was no room left for anyone else to sleep.
Kaminari it turned out slept on his stomach, something Izuku could understand, he was the same way. Kirishima, Iida and Todoroki all lay flat on their back like they were in coffins, which Izuku personally thought was mildly disturbing but oh well.
The last person he had to check was Shinsou, so he silently snuck into the boy’s room, moving closer quietly to see how he was lying when-
“Midoriya, why are you sneaking around in my room?” Shinsou’s weary voice came from behind him, decidedly *not* on the bed and Izuku spun around to see Shinsou looking at him with mild judgement and curiosity from where he sat, leaning against the wall with his headphones plugged into his phone.
“I had a nightmare?” Izuku tried awkwardly.
“Yeah no. I know what you’re like after nightmares, and I know what you’re like after lying to my face. This is the latter.”
“I was doing research…” Izuku sighed, knowing Shinsou was more observant than the rest of them.
“Yeah I got that, but what are you researching?”
“I… I was curious as to what positions different people sleep in.”
“And you couldn’t just ask?”
“Well that would be creepy!”
“Oh, THAT would be creepy but sneaking in to watch people sleep isn’t?”
“I- well ok that’s a good point…”
“You’re an odd one Midoriya, but sure, I sleep on my side hugging a pillow.”
“Thank you!”
“Go to sleep. Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean you should be.”
“Why are you awake?” Izuku asked, because seriously, what was Shinsou doing?
“Insomnia is a bitch.”
Well Izuku couldn’t argue with that, so he just said goodbye to his friend and went back to his room, feeling like he had succeeded.
He knew the answer to one more question already, just had to write it down, then tomorrow he could find out the last six questions and he would have all the answers!
The one he knew already was about whether they kissed the homies goodnight. He knew Kachaan, the slight freak he was, had declared kisses to the homies as unhygienic and rejected them. Kaminari on the other hand also rejected kissing the homies, but Izuku was ninety percent sure the boy was just gay and scared. Same goes for Shinsou. Kirishima and Mina both declared kissing the homies goodnight was custom and would do it every night, while Uraraka, Iida, and Todoroki chose to kiss each other goodnight and tuck each other in.
The next morning, Izuku dedicated himself to finding out about what sort of podcasts he listened to, so he hid his earphones- he would claim they were broken- and headed down to breakfast with a podcast playing. It should start up a conversation. Sure enough, Mina, the icon she was, immediately made it easy for him.
“Oh! Mido! What are you listening to!?”
“It’s a podcast, true crime,” Izuku grinned widely.
“Oh! Nice! I love podcasts! Did you know I make my own podcast? You should be a guest sometime!”
“I’d love that!” Izuku grinned, ticking off her answer for the question.
“Ooh what sort of podcast is it Mina? I love let’s plays!”
“The podcast is about pretty much anything, I could totally do a let’s play episode for you!”
“Oh, are we talking about Mina’s podcast?” Kirishima asked, joining the group.
“Yeah! What sort of podcasts do you listen to?”
“Pretty much anything to be honest,” Kirishima replied easily.
“Todoroki and I both listen to tabletop podcasts,” Shinsou added, walking past them without stopping and heading straight to the coffee machine.
“What about you, Iida? Uraraka?” Izuku asked, dragging the two into the conversation.
“Oh I don’t really listen to podcasts,” Uraraka replied, barely looking up from her food.
“Niether do I,” Iida agreed.
“Lame, True Crime Podcasts are peak,” Bakugo grunted, “Seriously Deku why are your friends so lame?”
Well that was one way of getting the answers he needed for that question. Izuku would take it.
After breakfast, he pulled up the copypasta that the quiz mentioned.
“Yo guys, you know that old prequirk copypasta that was like ‘Females after 1993’ and then listed some random things?” Izuku asked, clicking play on a video he found of it.
“Oooh yeah! McDonald’s is my favourite line!” Kaminari grinned. Huh, well that worked out. Izuku was expecting to have to put more work into it.
“Be bi is obviously better idiot,” Bakugo grunted, not seeming to really care that much considering how uninterested he looked.
“I’m with Bakubabe here, sorry Denks,” Mina agreed.
“Charge they phone is pretty peak,” Uraraka pointed out.
“I’m Can’t cook all the way guys. Seriously never let me in the kitchen. Remember last time?”
“Fuck no stay away from the kitchen please!”
The group burst out laughing at that terrified screech from Mina.
“Twerk,” Kirishima said after a solid few seconds of silence, sitting down and not elaborating in the slightest. Oh well, Izuku could make an educated guess as to what that meant.
“What about you Todoroki? Iida?”
“Can you play it again?” Todoroki asked, looking over the phone Izuku held curiously. Izuku did as he asked. A few seconds of thought later and Todoroki nonchalantly said “Lie,” before walking off to get more cold soba. Not what Izuku was expecting, but that’s why he wasn’t just answering for them.
“I’d have to go with relating most to charge their phone?” Iida replied uncertainly, and Izuku grinned at him. Perfect. All the answers for that question collected smoothly.
Izuku waited a few hours, only subtly nudging towards finding out people’s favourite flavour from the list provided in the question, asking one by one quietly rather than the whole group and writing down the answers.
Flavour?
Kachaan: stake
Kaminari: cherry
Uraraka: kombucha
Kirishima: pretzels
Iida: Parmesan
Ashido: cake frosting
Todoroki: lemonade
Shinsou: coffee
The next questions he wanted to ask were a little complicated to work out a subtle way to do it, so Izuku hit it with the best excuse he had.
“So I was reading about this werewolf hero in Australia and now I’m trying to research wolves and werewolves but I don’t really know where to start. So uh, do you guys have a favourite werewolf media thing?”
“King Lycaon, immediately,” Bakugo responded, not so much as looking up from whatever he was doing on his phone.
“Oh! I love Twilight, I know it’s vampires, but there are also werewolves!” Uraraka declared dramatically.
“I’d have to say DLC in Skyrim is my favourite thing with werewolves?” Kaminari answered with a thoughtful grin.
“Teen Wolf is pretty manly,” Kirishima noted.
“Wolf Children is my favourite personally,” Iida added, “I watched it so many times with my brother.”
“I’m with Iida. Gotta love Wolf Children, it’s adorable,” Shinsou agreed.
“The only two I’ve seen are Wolf Children and the Twilight movies and I definitely preferred Wolf Children,” Todoroki added.
Not a single one of them even said anything that wasn’t an option. It was like they were being perfect intentionally except that they very obviously were not. He let the group chatter about werewolves for a while before going on a mumble spree about how different wolf subspecies might appear through a quirk like the Australian werewolf hero’s. From there it was easy to nudge the group out into selecting their favourite wolf subspecies for Izuku to record.
Kachaan: dire wolf
Kaminari: grey wolf
Uraraka: Arctic wolf
Kirishima: red wolf
Iida: timber wolf
Ashido: Arctic wolf
Todoroki: Arctic wolf
Shinsou: grey wolf “
Shockingly, the question Izuku was least likely to get away with asking wasn’t even brought up by him. Mina, the absolute icon she was, did it for him.
“Yesterday we were talking about fanfiction, today it’s wolves, it’s like the universe is telling us to discuss the omegaverse!” Mina declared excitedly.
They then spent the next hour educating Todoroki and Iida about the omegaverse, which of course had some wild topics of discovery. Eventually the topic of presenting came up and Izuku couldn’t help but ask the perfectly developed question.
“If you were an alpha or omega who recently presented, what would you guys do?” Izuku asked, “I think I’d probably take suppressants but I’m not sure.”
“I wouldn’t hide shit,” Bakugo grunted, not even remotely caring about the question the way some might. The ease of the answer just led to more willing answers.
“I’d definitely go for scent blockers,” Uraraka declared
“Based on what I understand of it, I think I would do the same as Uraraka here,” Iida offered hesitantly.
“I wouldn’t hide either, I’d want all the attention I can get,” Kaminari grinned, waggling his eyebrows dramatically.
“I’d probably try to get neutralisers of some kind and live as a beta,” Kirishima admitted.
“I think I’d do the same,” Todoroki mused.
“I’d probably get scent blockers,” Shinsou mused, not sounding particularly certain, but not seeming to be lying, it just seemed like he hadn’t thought of it before.
With that, Izuku had all the answers he needed. He spent the next half hour or so entering them in one at a time and trying not to react at the results, simply writing them down.
Once he was done, Izuku looked up, immediately finding the one he knew would be most annoyed by the result and grinned at Bakugo.
“Hey Bakugo, if the omegaverse was real, you would be an omega,” Izuku grinned, dropping the notebook with all his research open for them all to see and sprinting towards the nearest window, not stopping as he crashed through it and ran for his life from a very VERY angry Bakugo.
Status?
Kachaan: omega
Kaminari: alpha
Uraraka: beta
Kirishima: alpha
Iida: alpha
Ashido: omega
Todoroki: alpha
Shinsou: alpha
——
OMAKES:
Shinsou: Enemies to lovers is the worst. It encourages toxic relationships, and is such bullshit
Shinsou: *looks between Midoriya and Bakugo*
Shinsou: you two are the reason I hate it, Midoriya if you ever get with him I will actually kill someone, and it will almost certainly be Bakugo, you deserve better
Uraraka: agreed.
—
Shinsou: Tentacles are fucking hot and you guys are missing out
Shinsou: *looks directly at Izuku, who’s black whip is kinda like tentacles as he says it*
—
Shinsou: I sleep hugging a pillow
Shinsou (in his mind): I’d rather sleep hugging you~