Chapter Text
He was dying. The pain was excruciating and there was blood everywhere. He had failed to tell the boy what must be done, that he had to die.
Suddenly he noticed someone approaching him, it was the boy and his two friends. The boy tried to stop the bleeding with his hand.He was the enemy but he didn't want to let him die. Deep inside he knew this was Lilly's nature that had passed to her son although he tried to deny it his whole life. He wanted to hate the boy. Tears rolled from his eyes mixed with memories.
Let him see them all. It doesn't matter anymore, he thought.
-Take them, he said and then, "Look at me"
The boy looked at him with his green eyes, Lily's eyes. he wanted to die looking at her eyes.
-You have yout mother's eyes, he told him as he was leaving his last breath.
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The first thing he noticed was that there was no pain anymore. He put his hand on his throat trying to find the wound but there was nothing there. He was lying on a hard surface trying to open his eyes.
When he opened his eyes he found himself in a place full of light. He expected hell to be a dark place but here he was lied on green grass listening to birds singing.
What the hell, he thought. Where am i?
He stood up examining the place around him. He was under a tree and there was a lake nearby. The Great lake.
So his hell was Hogwarts and more specifically the place of his worst mistake. There where he lost Lilly's friendship. Was he supposed to stay there forever thinking about one of his worst mistakes?
He suddenly heard steps behind him.
He turned around and in front of him was Albus fucking Dumbledore.
Of course, he wouldn't leave him alone even in afterlife.
- I did my part Albus, i sent the boy to death. My mission is over, he said in a bitter tone.
- You did Severous and i am so proud of you. You did things that other people wouldn't stand to do, Dumbledore smiled.
- You are smiling? Severus hissed, "I sent to death the boy i swore to protect, i broke my promise, i betrayed Lilly" he finally said defeated.
- Harry lived Severus, he defeated Voldemort and he will live a long life. He will also marry Ginny Weasley and have three children with her and one of them, the one with Lilly's green eyes will have your name amd will be sorted into Slytherin.
So he lived, Severus though tand he suddenly felt his soul lighter, Lilly's boy survived. And then the second part got him He named his son after me? Why put this course on your own son Potter? Names have power in the wizarding world.He should hate me but of course like Lilly, Harry wanted to see the good in people. Well he is stupid there is nothing good in him. He is the reason Lilly died...Bloody gryffindors... they never think...
He shook his head.
- So it's over, we won and our hero got the happy ending. he saide sarcastically. "But why am i here Albus? And most importantly why are you here?Is this some part of my personal hell?"
- Yes we won Severus and you had a great part in this victory, but not all the heroes got their happy ending. You didn't...
What nonsense is this man talking about...
- Well I am not a hero Albus and i have given up in any kind of happy ending decades ago. There is no happy ending for me, i died. It's over.
Albus looked at him with a twinkle in his eyes
- And what if i told you that you can go back to a period of your life that you can still fix things, somewhere where you can still find your happy ending.
- What are you talking about? I am not in any mood for games Albus, i am tired, he said furious.
- Fates have given you a unique chance Severus one, that only someone with so much grief and guilt but also with so much bravery could have. You can choose to go on and die and join the rest of the dead. But there is the choice to go back to a period where Lilly is still alive to a period where you still haven't made your worst choices.... This is a second chance Severus...
Second chance...Second chances are for people who deserve it. Why a second chance should be given to him?There are so many people who deserved them.
He remained silent for a minute. All his thoughts ended to the same conclusion, this meant he could save Lilly. He could see her grow up past 21, he could see her raise her son, be happy and maybe with all the knowledge he had they could defeat the Dark Lord earlier, maybe she could have the chance to live without Voldemort.
- Will i still have my memories from my previous life, he asked.
- They are yours Severus, you can have them and use them as you see fit, the man said knowing what this meant for Severus.
The man remained silent for a moment again.
-Why me? he asked finally.
-Because you are a person capable of the worst and the best. You are a unique soul Severus you gave up everything for the others. You did the absolute sacrifice. The man said and for a moment there was sadness in his eyes. Sadness about a once shy, angry, intelligent boy who became full of grief and guilt.
-What should i do? He asked
-Just let the lake take you where you should be, he answered.
Severus approached the lake pausing for some time. He felt the first wave cool but also some kind of soothing wet his legs. Before he could realise it the water was on the level of his neck and then he surrendered himself to the dark waters.
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For a moment, he felt he was drowning but then it stopped. His eyes were closed but something felt odd. He was upside down and there were voices around him. People shouting. Firstly the voices sounded like they were afar but as the time passed they were closer and closer.
- Snivellus, Snivellus, they shouted. Dozens of people,students full of hate for him, mocking him.
He opened his eyes, he was by the lake, that terrible day when he called Lilly with that awful name.
Potter was holding him upside down in the air with his wand, using Levicorpus, his own spell.
He felt a wave of shame and anger washing him. He felt embarashed and helpless. As a professor in Hogwarts he was used to be feared and now he was hunging upside down by a bunch of teens. If he only could find his wand. Unfortunately it fell from his pocket, he was really helpless but he remained silent. It was the shock seeing Potter alive, Sirius and other people around him who had died long ago. So it was real, he was back.
And then the biggest miracle he ever witnessed in his life. The girl with the red hair and the emerald eyes, the girl he hadn't seen for 17 years. The girl that was haunting his dreams appeared in front of him.
- Let him alone,he said to Potter furious, "what has he done to you?" she sounded angry but not so sure about what she was saying. Severus could see it. Their friendship had already started to fall apart in that period of time.
Potter was ruffling his hair while his attention turned to Lilly.
- It;s his mere existence that annoys me Lilly. he said winking at her.
-Leave him alone, she repeated, "or i will take points from Gryffindor Potter and it's something i don't really want" but she half smiled at Potter's answer and reaction. She had started to like this boy, well when he wasn't behaving like a fool, like right now
She is having fun, Severus thought feeling a small pain in his chest. But it didn;t matter, he was already in tears just seeing her. She was alive, his precious Lilly with flesh and bones was there breathing and he couldn't have wished for anything else in this world. It was all that mattered and he would do anything for her to stay alive no matter if she hated him or never wanted to see him again. Everything was fine as long as she was alive.
- Ok Lills i will leave him alone if you accept to go on a date with me, said the boy with a smug smile.
- I woukln't go on a date with you even if it was to choose between you and the giant squid, she said frustrated but her face was red. "Leaave him alone"
- Ouch, Sirius smirked, "i told you James, princess isn't an easy one"
- It;s ok Lilly, Severus suddenly found his voice, "they are just children" his voice low and pained, there was a haunted look on his face.
What?Lilly looked at her friend like she saw him for the first time. What was going on? Why wasn;t he screaming, cursing, insulting James? What had just happened? She noticed the tears running from his eyes and approeched her friend with a serious face...Was this somje kind of trick?
- What did you say?she asked worried.
- I said it's ok, it doesn't matter, he left a sob.
They looked at eachother for a long minute. Severus was crying and Lilly was lost from words. What was happening?
- You were right, he finally said. "You were right about everything... I am so sorry. Please forgive me" He whispered the last words with a haunted, dead look on his face. Like a man who had seen the world falling apart, like a person who had witnessed his worst nightmares.
- Enough, said Potter, Who wants to see Snivellus' underwear?
- Shut up Potter, she told Potter dead serious this time and took off her wand "or i will hex you to oblivion, i swear"
- What? You don't believe these tears are real right Lilly? This git is up to something for sure.
- Professor McGonnagal is coming, someone shouted. And with this James let Severus fall to the ground.
He hit the ground with his head leaving him dizzy and light headed.
- What is happening here? she said with a stern voice.