Work Text:
“Yo- You… You know wha?” Buck mumbles around his who-even-knows-anymore bottle of beer.
“What?” Eddie asks, lying on the floor and a bit more sober than him.
“This is all bullshit,” Buck yells, swinging the bottle around and dropping some on the couch.
Eddie lifts his head and looks at him confused, “What is bullshit?”
“Tommy! And… and me! And us, I mean,” Buck stands up, taking a few steps and staggering to the fireplace.
He grabs onto the fireplace mantel, trying to keep his balance.
“Everything that just happened is bullshit,” Buck mutters, taking a long swing of his beer and then placing the bottle on the fireplace.
Looking absent-mindedly at the pictures, Buck touches one of Eddie being a baby and his parents holding him, and looking so happy and in love.
Buck sniffles, feeling himself getting teary-eyed.
“It is what it is, man,” Eddie replies, burping loudly. “You just gotta find joy again, you know?”
“Joy,” Buck whispers. “Joy… joy…joy…”
Several images immediately come to his mind. Joy was Tommy driving him to the cemetery and following his crazy plan. Joy was Tommy cooking breakfast for him. Joy was Tommy listening to Buck ramble about whatever had caught his attention. Joy was Tommy cooking for him. Joy was Tommy showing up for him time and time again. Joy was Tommy kissing him sweetly, and passionately. Joy was being with Tommy.
“Fuck,” Buck says loudly, wiping the tears from his eyes away.
Buck turns around and walks to stand right next to Eddie who looks at him with a raised eyebrow and offers him another beer.
“Get up! We are leaving,” Buck demands, drinking the beer in one big gulp.
“What? Where are we going?”
Trying to walk without tripping, Buck makes his way to Eddie’s front door. “You’re driving me to Tommy’s.”
“Wait, what?” Eddie says startled, and sitting upright.
Buck opens the door and then looks behind him. He gestures to Eddie to get up and hurry up. “C’mon, you are more sober. Let’s go.”
“Do you really think this is a good idea?” Eddie questions, standing up and going to grab his keys.
“You said it yourself; I gotta find my joy again. Tommy is my joy!”
Eddie looks at him for a few seconds, and then nods, “Yeah, ok. Let’s go.”
Smiling brightly, Buck makes his way to Eddie’s truck, and waits while Eddie puts on his shoes.
As Eddie starts to drive, Buck fiddles with the radio, trying to find a good song. He finally finds a station that is playing “Un-Break My Heart” and Buck turns up the volume.
They both sing the song loudly, Buck screaming the lyrics through the window.
“What are you going to say?” Eddie asks him when they are getting closer and a song they don’t know the words to is playing.
“I’m… I’m… I- I will tell him…” Buck says, blinking his watery and heavy eyes. “That- that he is an idiot.”
“You might want to work on your speech, buddy,” Eddie says, shaking his head.
“I will figure something out,” Buck mumbles, leaning his head on the window.
Slowing down, Eddie parks the car outside Tommy’s house, and says, “You better do it soon because we are here.”
Buck squints his eyes and realizes that Eddie is correct. He fumbles with the door handle but manages to open the door on the second try. He stumbles out of the car and staggers his way to the front door.
“Tommy, Tommy, Tommy,” Buck yells as he knocks loudly on the door, ignoring the ring bell right next to the door.
After a few more seconds, the door opens slowly and Tommy appears.
Despite his state, Buck manages to notice that Tommy looks like shit. His hair is all in disarray, his eyes are bloodshot, and he is wearing his most comfy and therefore ugly sweatpants with a hoodie that belongs to Buck.
“Ev- Buck, what are you doing here?” Tommy asks him, looking behind at Eddie’s truck and then back at him.
“Evan! I’m Evan, I’m your Evan,” Buck says, angry.
Tommy opens his mouth to say something but Buck interrupts him, not wanting to hear any excuses.
“No, shut up! You… you are my joy, ok?”
“Hey, man!” Eddie suddenly says, appearing next to Buck.
“What’s going on, Eddie?” Tommy demands, crossing his arms sternly.
Shrugging his shoulders, Eddie replies, “He wanted to talk to you.”
“He is drunk, are you drunk?” Tommy narrows his eyes.
“I’m fine, dude. But you need to make things right, ok? Talk to you later.”
“Wait, where are you going?”
“He is your problem, man! See ya!” Eddie says, getting back into his truck and driving away quickly.
Buck looks at Tommy, standing there, imposing, and quiet, not quite looking at Buck in the eyes.
Not knowing what to do, Buck starts to sing softly the song from the radio.
“What are you doing? Oh my god, Evan, stop!”
Buck stops abruptly and smiles, walking closer to Tommy and leaning into him.
“You called me, Evan!”
“You’re drunk, Buck,” Tommy says, sighing deeply.
Pouting, Buck pokes Tommy on the chest, “Your Evan.”
“Wait here, I’m driving you to the loft.”
Tommy turns around to walk inside his house, but Buck stops him, grabbing him by the arm.
“Tommy, please, don’t! I- I love you,” Buck cries desperately, squeezing Tommy’s arm hard.
Sniffling and looking away, Tommy closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
After a couple of seconds that felt like hours, Tommy looks back at him and tells him firmly, “If you’re not going to let me drive you, then you’re getting inside to sober up on the couch. Come on!”
Without letting go of Tommy, Buck lets him guide him to the couch in the living room. Helping him sit down and making sure he is stable enough, Tommy walks away from him, making him whimper in protest. Buck sees Tommy stumbling in his steps and hunching his shoulders while walking to the kitchen.
A minute later, Tommy comes back with a tall glass of water, which he gives to Buck.
“Drink up, and then lie down, please. I will bring you a blanket,” Tommy says in a detached manner.
“Tommy…” Evan breathes out. “Why are you doing this?”
His posture and eyes softening a bit, Tommy replies, “We will talk once you’ve sobered up, ok? Now, drink the water.”
Buck drinks the water and then clumsily lies down on the couch. Tommy returns with a blanket and softly covers him.
“Good night, Ev- Buck.”
“Good night, Tommy,” Buck says, trying hard not to sob his heart out.
He watches Tommy until he walks away from his line of sight. Buck breathes in the smell of Tommy on the blanket and that soothing smell lulls him to sleep.
—
Groaning, Buck blearily opens his eyes and blinks repeatedly. He moves to lie down on his back and makes a face at the taste of stale beer in his mouth. He feels like absolute shit.
It takes a few minutes but then the night before comes crashing down on him.
The break-up, drinking with Eddie, driving up to Tommy’s house, and sleeping on Tommy’s couch.
“Back to the land of the living?” Tommy’s voice sounds from the side.
Buck turns his head to the side, and sees Tommy sitting down on the coffee table.
Tommy looks as if he hadn't slept a wink, and yet he is still the most handsome man Buck has ever seen.
“Here,” Tommy says, startling Buck.
In his hands, Tommy has a glass of water and a pill, probably for his headache.
“I have coffee and some bacon as well.”
“Thanks,” Buck croaks and sits down, swinging his legs over the front of it.
Their fingers brush as Buck grabs the glass and the pill, making him shiver. An effect that Tommy apparently felt as well, given his own reaction to it.
After taking the water and the pill, Tommy takes back the glass and gives him the coffee.
Buck smiles at the cup and at the fact that even after everything, here Tommy is taking care of him and making sure he is ok.
Feeling a deep pang in his chest, Buck puts the cup on the floor and makes eye contact with Tommy.
“I love you,” Buck says, sincerely. “I’m not drunk now.”
“Bu-”
“Evan,” Buck interrupts him coldly.
Tommy looks at him with eyes so sad that Buck wants to cry.
“Evan,” Tommy says, looking as if saying his name hurts him. “I told you that this, us, it’s just not a good idea to continue. I…”
“That’s bullshit,” Buck interrupts him. “I get you are scared, I was too but…”
Buck shakes his head and chuckles, “I love you, so much! I’m not scared anymore because I trust in what we have and what we can build together. I don’t need to experiment, I don’t need to be with other men or women. I just need you, and I know that you love and need me too. I can see it and feel it every time you look at me.”
With tears falling from his eyes, Tommy whimpers, “Evan, I…”
“Someone hurt you, deeply. I’ve been hurt too, several times, actually. But I’m not going to let that break us, you hear me? We can work it all out together.”
Buck moves closer, sitting right on the edge of the sofa, and softly grabs Tommy’s hands. He lifts them up to his mouth and kisses both hands gently.
Tommy’s breath shudders and a sob bursts out of him. Moving rapidly, Buck gathers him in his arms, both of them falling to the floor.
Tenderly brushing the fingers of one of his hands through Tommy’s hair and stroking Tommy's back in soothing circles with the other one, Buck whispers reassurances, “It’s ok, I’ve got you. I love you. I will not leave you. I’m here for however long you want me.”
Once Tommy’s sobs subside, he moves his head from where he had hidden it in Buck’s neck.
“I’m sorry,” Tommy says, his voice hoarse.
“Don’t apologize,” Buck says sweetly, wiping the tears from his eyes.
Tommy grabs one of Buck’s hands and after kissing his palm, he holds onto it, intertwining their fingers.
“I was being stupid, letting my fears get the better of me,” Tommy confesses. “You’re right, I love you. I’m deeply in love with you, how could I not be?”
Buck smiles, unable to stop himself, and feeling for the first time since last night as the weight in the middle of his chest disappears.
“I want to live with you, of course I do. I want to build a life with you, like you said.”
“Then, let’s do it,” Buck says simply, with a big grin on his face.
“Seriously? Just like that? Even after how I acted?” Tommy asks, voice small.
“Yes, just like that,” Buck moves closer and kisses Tommy’s forehead. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Evan.”
Buck tugs Tommy back into his arms and kisses him passionately, pouring all his love into the kiss.
Eventually, the kiss turns tender and sweet, until they gradually pull away and then they stay breathing the other in with their foreheads touching.
Tommy starts to pepper chaste kisses along Buck’s nose and cheekbones, making Buck giggle.
“There’s just one thing, though,” Tommy says, getting serious.
Gulping, Buck nods his head, waiting to hear about that one thing.
“I don’t move into your loft, instead you move here,” Tommy says with a small smirk.
“You jerk,” Buck laughs, relieved, “Fine, I will move in here.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
They both lean in at the same time and this time, they don’t stop kissing until they are both breathless and naked.