Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

“I am so confused,” a bewildered Jen said immediately after Billy finished rambling out the entire story.

He told her about the road, Agatha’s writing of the Ballad, his reincarnation in William’s body, his twin. All of it. 

“It is pretty confusing.”

Billy clung to his cup of coffee for warmth. The shop they were in was another favorite witch haunt. It was a two story Victorian monstrosity of a house turned into a cafe. The coffee wasn’t anything special, but again the wards were enough to keep Agatha at bay. He didn’t need the interjections of her version of what events were. He wished he’d been able to get more about her past out of Agatha. The trickle truthing about what happened with Nicky and Rio was getting really freaking old.

The soft pink of Jen’s magic was just visible between her fingers and the cup. Maybe it was there to keep her tea at just the right temperature. Maybe it was a self soothing gesture. Feeling her magick might not have been enough evidence of its presence, she wanted to see it too. Next to his feet was the promised tote filled with everything he could need to block Agatha from his room. Maybe even the whole house if she got too annoying.

“No, I mean, I’m confused by you saying the road wasn’t real.”

He said it all once, wasn’t that enough? “It never existed before. It never will again. I’m so sor-“

“Yeah, I got that, but it most definitely was real.

Now Billy was confused. “It wasn’t. It was all me.”

“You are a witch.” She stated as if it was the most obvious fact in the world.

“Uh, yes?”

“And you conjured a magical road.”

“Yep.”

“That wound for miles and put us through trials that tested our knowledge of magic.”

“Still correct.”

“And that makes this fake… how exactly? Keep in mind that you bled yourself unconscious at some point and the road was very much still there. It wasn’t some hallucination in your head. It was real enough that everyone who walked it came out with the prize they were looking for. It was real to Lilia, and I know she saw far enough into the future to see us get out. The trials came out of your subconscious reading our subconscious minds, which is trippy and fucked up, but still very real.”

Billy played with a frayed ripped edge on his jeans. “Then I really killed them. Our coven.”

“I’m sure Agatha already talked to you about this, but who do you think you killed?”

“I know she’s responsible for Alice, but Mrs. Davis, for sure.”

Jen put a hand over his to still his fidgeting. “You didn’t kill Sharon, Teen. I did.”

“How?” He was kind of pissed that she was trying to take the blame for what was clearly his massive fuck up. “I literally poisoned her.”

“I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. Not about you making a mind tunnel, but about what happened down there. What went wrong. It was the hair.”

“The hair?”

Jen took a long sip of her tea and nodded with a sad smile. “I went in so focused on getting my prize, on surviving, that I didn’t even care about the rest of the coven. I didn’t count Sharon as a witch. When it was time to make the antidote we all had to add our own hair to personalize it. But I forgot about her. Sharon’s hair never made it in, so she didn’t make it out. If we’re being real sticklers about it, the ‘poison’ you conjured might have caused nothing more than an allergic reaction if I hadn’t listed off symptoms. If you take some of the blame for her death, then I definitely do too.”

Quietly he had to ask, “Do you hate me?”

“Hate you? No. If anything, I’m relieved.”

“Finding out I’m a subconscious sociopath is relieving?”

Jen chuckled at him. “Knowing that none of the people from my audiences will actually walk the road is relieving. I don’t hate the money, but I did hate the idea that I was bringing new attention to the road. I kind of knew the bullshit about needing to literally court death wasn’t the key, but it was as good a guess as any. You have no idea how many people have tried to conjure the path in the bathroom. I’d rather have it end with our coven.”

He perked up. “So we are still coven?”

“I told you it would take a lot to change my mind, and so far so good. What do you need, Teen? A new sigil to hide you from Rio? I’d prefer not to forget your existence, but I could make it so I can’t say your name again.”

“No, I need help with my parents. I want to tell them the truth.”

Jen shook her head. “You are the purest supposed mad man on the planet. You want to tell them about our little adventure?”

Billy quickly waved that off. “Oh no. Not that. Or the homicides. Or the mind reading. Or Agatha. Or about the coven at all.”

“Alright.” She scooted her cup away so she could fold her arms on the table. “Why don’t you tell Auntie Jennifer what you do want to tell your parents, and we’ll work on it.”

“Really?! Oh my God, thank you, thank you, thankyou!” He squealed and forced her into a hug.

“No problem. What are covens for?”

TWO DAYS LATER

Billy didn’t know why he’d decided Sunday night was the time to do it. Saturday felt too close after seeing Jen on Friday, but his whole weekend was basically ruined. Other than a quick make-out session with Eddie, he hadn’t done anything fun. Even that was tainted by the anxiety of waiting. 

Eddie was trying his best to be supportive. Obviously he knew Billy had gone somewhere and did something Westview related. It wouldn’t be too much longer before he started demanding answers. Billy would have, if their positions were reversed. But the idea of having Eddie around the house knowing the truth while his parents didn’t was just too weird. It didn’t even really affect Eddie. He’d never met William, never had to go through the transition.

So Billy sucked it up and called a family meeting. He’d never done that before. Family meetings were supposed to be for when Dad got a new job, or they decided to tear up the backyard to plant new garden beds. Despite the title, it was clearly a parent to child information system. Not the other way around.

Both the adults loudly wondered in their minds why there was a set time to deliver the information. He was working on actively not listening to their thoughts. It was easier said than done because they were all but shouting at him as the minutes ticked by. 

They arranged themselves in the living room. The most formal of the rooms in the house. It didn’t have soft worn in sofas like the family room. It had uncomfortably stiff loveseats and a chaise lounge opposite a patterned monstrosity of a couch with wooden arms that poked into your side if you didn’t get the middle seat. Rebecca usually didn’t allow beverages on the glass topped coffee table between the furniture, too afraid that they’d spill and ruin the plush cream carpet. It was a room to entertain guests, not for the family.

Today though, she’d nervously set the table with a water pitcher and glasses. Jeff and Rebecca sat opposite him, hands clasped. They were a united front against whatever he could throw at them. His mom sat forward in anticipation. “Is it really important for us to wait for 6:00 exactly? You can start whenever you’re ready.”

“Oh, uh, I actually invited someone? They’re just not here yet.”

Jeff looked to Rebecca with a shrug. “Is it Eddie? For emotional support.”

Billy wished. “No. It’s someone from… you know what, I’ll just let her explain when she gets here.”

Jen was only five minutes late, but he was about ready to make more poisoned wine for her for letting the tension build to that point. He welcomed her knock as an excuse to leave the room. While unmistakably Jen, she was glamored to look older. The shaved head combined with wrinkles to give the impression of a woman who was kind in the harshest most blunt way possible. It complimented her SWORD windbreaker and badge. He’d totally buy that she was a no nonsense agent who had seen too much.

“Mom, Dad, this is Agent Calderu.” They decided on using an alias. Billy watched too many of Jen’s videos for Rebecca not to recognize the name Kale.

“Oh! Can I get you something to drink? I wasn’t expecting company or I would have started a pot of coffee.”

While Rebecca exchanged pleasantries with Jen, Jeff pulled Billy aside. “Are you in legal trouble?”

“I don’t think you can invite agents over if you’re in trouble?”

“Maybe you can if they’re SWORD agents. I’ve never seen one of them outside of Avengers stuff. Holy crap, are you caught up in an Avengers thing?”

“Sort of? But it’s not my fault! Or it is, but I didn’t know what I was doing.”

He was talking loud enough to gain the attention of the women. 

Jen gestured to the couches. “Why don’t we all have a seat?”

This time Billy didn’t separate himself across the divide. He squirmed his way to the middle of the couch, forcing his Mom and Dad to take places on either side of him. He wanted a few more minutes as a family of three, just in case.

“I am Agent Calderu of SWORD, but you can call me Jen.” 

Even when trying to tell his parents the truth he was forcing lies on them. It was bad and manipulative. He was bad and manipulative. Why wouldn’t they kick him out? He leaned heavily into his Mom’s side to rest his head on her shoulder. One of her hands came up to soothingly run through his curls. 

He hated this. He didn’t want to do this. It was too late.

Jen sat forward, her face etched into a polite smile. She looked like a doctor about to deliver awful news. “What I have to tell you is going to be very hard to understand and even harder to believe. I promise that I’m going to tell you as much of the truth as I can. I’m guessing you remember the Westview anomaly from three years ago?”

Jeff awkwardly laughed and said, “Yeah, it’s hard to forget. What does it have to do with Billy? He was never in it.”

“The anomaly wasn’t an Avenger training exercise. It was a hex. Cast by Wanda Maximoff. The Scarlet Witch. While in the hex Wanda gave birth to twins fathered by Vision.”

Rebecca’s hand continued to stroke her son’s hair. “I thought Vision was a machine? How could he father children?”

Jen gave the only answer she could. “Magic. There was a lot of magic. More than we thought possible. More than Doctor Strange and all the known sorcerers could create if they wanted to. Enough so that the twins were born with powers. One was born with speed, like his uncle. The other was born a witch, like his mother. But there was a problem. That much magic isn’t sustainable, which is why the anomaly failed. When it failed, Wanda’s twins were… unmade.”

What does this have to do with us?

The words bounced around his father’s brain getting louder and louder as Jen continued. 

“Time was different there, so the twins were physically about ten when the hex collapsed, but they had only existed for a few weeks. It’s important to keep that in mind. We have reason to believe that when they were being unmade the twin with magic projected his soul. This would have been completely unconscious. It wasn’t a spell or a choice, it just happened. Now, two souls can’t inhabit the same being, but you also can’t kick an existing soul out. It had to go into an empty vessel. A recently emptied body.”

His mother’s hand stilled on his neck. Billy clamped his teeth to keep down the rising nausea. Was this going to be when he lost them forever?

Jen continued in a voice that was ever so gentle. “Police reports show that you were in a car accident at almost the exact minute the dome came down. That you thought your son stopped breathing?”

No. No. No. No. No.

“But he didn’t. He’s right here!” Jeff put one hand on Billy’s shoulder. “What are you trying to say? This is absolutely nuts! Talking about souls and vessels. You think just because of one stupid police report that, what exactly? Billy is-“ He couldn’t even bring himself to say it. He literally couldn’t even think it.

Jeff abruptly stood up to march to the door. “I think it’s time for you to leave.”

“Mr. Kaplan-“

“Dad!” Billy couldn’t do this again. He couldn’t take weeks or years of denial. With his father’s eyes trained on him Billy let the blue lights of his magic dance around his palms.

No. No. No. No. No!

Jeff looked horrified, ill with realization. 

Billy forced himself to speak despite the tears clogging his throat. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t remember.”

“Stop it! You didn’t do anything! You’re William! You’re my William! Our William! The same baby we brought home from the hospital. There was some amnesia. So what? And lots of people have magic these days. It’s everywhere! That doesn’t mean you are… whatever the kid’s name was.”

“Billy.” He could all but hear their hearts shatter when Jen said it. “His name was Billy.”

Billy sobbed, “I didn’t mean to take his body! I don’t care about Wanda or Vision at all. They aren’t my parents. I only care about finding my brother, I swear.”

I can’t. I can’t do this. 

Jeff gulped in lungfuls of air. “I need to go.” The keys were off the holder, in his hand, and out the door with him before Rebecca could reach the frame.

“Jeff!”

Billy folded over on his lap. Even with his hands over his ears he could hear the faint shouting. Could make out the hum of the car starting up and driving away. He couldn’t force himself to look up and see if his mom had gone with his dad. Not mom and dad. Jeff and Rebecca. He should get used to calling thinking of them like that now. Tears soaked through his jeans down to the skin.

Arms folded around him. “It’s okay, sweetheart. He’ll come around.”

He knew those arms. That smell. “Mom?”

He crushed her to him. He fought the urge to crawl all the way into her lap like an infant. 

“It’s just new. He’s not good with change. Give him a day. He’ll be back.” Soft fingers back in his hair.

I knew.

Billy mumbled, “You’re not surprised,” into her shoulder.

“No.” She confirmed. Her breaths were deep and even. Soon his hitched breathing regulated to match hers. “I think I always knew. Do you remember when I started seeing my therapist? I told her that it was like you had turned into a completely different person after the accident. She told me that it was okay to process the loss of the kid you were while enjoying who you are now.”

He didn’t recall ever hearing her think about him as a new person. But there was one afternoon a few months after the hospital he could remember perfectly. Just after he came home from school she called him into the kitchen to share some hot chocolate. She looked him up and down and said, ‘I think we need to stop waiting for your memories to come back. Let’s look forward. How do we do that? How about a new nickname? There are a billion nicknames for William.’

‘How about Billy?’ He suggested, loving the idea immediately. No more trying to fit himself into a William shaped box. A new name so he could move forward as a new kid.

‘I love it. Billy.’

They hugged it out. It was a good day.

“I’ve been mourning the loss of William a lot longer than your Dad has.”

“I basically forced you to adopt me.” It would have been a smarter choice to leave it be. To not point out the awful truth. But he needed her to see the whole picture or he’d spend forever waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for her to recognize how despicable he was.

“I can’t imagine how horrible it would have been to lose William without you. If you had to go into a body, I’m glad it was his. I miss him. That doesn’t mean I don’t love you. And it doesn’t mean that you aren’t my son.”

It wasn’t really possible to get closer to her. Billy tried anyway. He squished his cheek into her shoulder and tried to snuggle her just that much harder. She squeezed him back, then wiped at her cheeks and turned to face their all but forgotten guest. Jen’s eyes were also looking suspiciously misty.

“I still don’t understand what you’re doing here. Or why Billy went missing for a day. How did SWORD even know this happened?”

“We didn’t. No one knew. A divination witch cast a sigil on him, hiding him from all witchfolk. A few days ago, it broke. Billy is no longer hidden from those who practice the craft.” 
Jen let her magic flare. 

“Is that bad? Is he in danger?”

“It’s not great. Wanda was an extremely powerful magician, and her type of magic is rare. His magic is rare. He was being hunted by a group called the Salem Seven.”

“They were so creepy.” Billy interjected. Every individual piece was true. The aim was to get her to put them together in a way that was just slightly wrong.

“Are they still after you? Do we need to go into something like a witness protection program?” she asked Jen.

“No, they’ve been dealt with, but we lost a witch in the process. The same one who cast the sigil on him in the first place.”

Rebecca went into planning mode. He could hear the lists forming in her mind. “What’s our next step? We’re not just going to wait around for someone else to figure this out.”

“He needs training.”

Billy gasped at Jen. Up until this point she was going on the script they discussed. They talked about what was in bounds and what was off limits. At no point had she mentioned training.

“What kind of training?” he asked.

“All kinds of training. You’ve got a lot of raw talent, but your control sucks.” Jen laid it out bluntly.

Rebecca asked, “Are witch schools a thing? Like an American Hogwarts?”

“Ew. Homophobic.” Billy replied automatically. 

“You know what I meant.”

“Still ew. Do you think William was gay? Or did I like, turn his body gay?” It was not the first question Billy planned to ask, it just slipped out.

His mom giggled, so it couldn’t have been that bad. “He hadn’t said anything, but we suspected. Do you think you were gay before?”

“I still can’t remember much of anything. I think so?”

Jen waved a hand at them. “Let’s get back on track, shall we? No, there are no schools. More like apprenticeships. I don’t think there’s any need to rush. You can take a few days to decompress and unpack all of this. I’ll give you my number if you have any questions.”

She couldn’t just leave like this! “What about my brother? What about Tommy? He’s all alone!”

“Oh baby, do you really think this is the time? He might be with a family who loves him too.”

“He’s not! I can feel him. There’s no one who loves him.”

Jen and Rebecca exchanged worried glances. 

Jen was still using that stupidly soft voice. “There’s no way to locate him. Do we even have a country of origin? Even something like a scrying spell won’t work because he’s shielded by the body he’s in. I understand the sense of urgency kid, I get it, but you didn’t even know he existed a week ago. We can make a plan for this.”

Billy didn’t want to agree, but reluctantly he let it go. It had been three years without his twin. What was a few more weeks?

Chapter Text

Rebecca politely but firmly kicked Jen out for the evening. She then bundled Billy up on the couch to binge too much Love is Blind, assuring him that he didn’t have to go to school in the morning if he wasn’t feeling up to it.

Jeff still wasn’t back yet.

Without saying it, or even really thinking it, they had both been waiting for him to come home. Billy was hoping for an apology from him and another bone crushing hug. Some acknowledgment that Jeff was the person in the wrong. In barely a blink it was nearing midnight though. It was almost a whole new day.

His mom gave up first. The emotionally draining day took its toll, making her yawn. Her eyes were starting to droop lower with every blink. Billy told her it was okay to head off to bed. She gave him a dozen more hugs before she made her way up the stairs.

“Mom?”

She paused at the top to answer him. “Hmm?”

“Do you really think he’ll come around? That he’ll be okay with this? With me?”

He Better.

“Yes. I really do.”

Billy felt small. She looked so big above him on the staircase. He forced out the question, “What if he doesn’t?”

DIVORCE

He flinched at her unspoken response. That wasn’t what he wanted. 

In harsh contrast what she actually said was, “He’ll get there. And if he doesn’t… that’s a problem for another time. Get to bed soon, sweetie. You need some rest.”

“I just have a few things to do down here, then I’ll be right up. Promise.”

The first thing he had to do was break the protection line around the house so that Agatha could make her way in. The ghost brushed her hair out of her face and whipped her dress to appear as unbothered as possible about her temporary exile.

“You’re still not allowed in my room, but you can hang out here if you want.”

“Oh how kind of you! Letting me skulk around your poorly decorated house while you sleep. How could I pass up such a generous offer!”

“I’ve had a pretty shitty day, so could you just not?”

To maintain her dignity she still scoffed a little at his bristling. But she also kept following him around as he turned off lights and collected dishes to put into the washer.

Light from a pair of headlamps beamed in from the windows. Billy dashed to the front door to look out. It was just the neighbors, pulling into their driveway. He kept finding menial tasks to complete. There were a few blankets to fold. Pillows that needed to be placed back on the couch. Plants that could stand to be watered. Anything to stay up just a few more minutes. 

“Want me go to go haunt the shit out him?” Agatha offered. 

Billy glared at her. “No, I don’t want you to go haunt my dad. If you do that he might really not come home.”

The stairs were opposite the front door. Once he’d done absolutely everything he could think of to do that wouldn’t wake his mom, he parked himself there to look out for just a little while longer. Agatha floated regally down next to him.

Conspiratorially she told him, “It has been my experience that men are entirely unnecessary for the child rearing process. Honestly they’re more meddlesome than helpful. If he can’t get over himself, good riddance. So you’re not his exact kid. Big whoop! Who cares?”

“Is this you trying to make me feel better? Because it’s not working. I care. The person who cares is me. I want my Dad.” He hugged his knees up tight to his chest. The cross of his arms around his legs kept the worst of the chilled night air at bay.

“I’m just saying, sometimes parents disappoint their kids. Despite our best efforts, these things happen. This is a him problem, not a you problem. If it doesn’t work out, it wasn’t your fault. You did the best you could. All you can do now is wait and hope he gets his shit together to do the best he can do.”

Billy sighed. “I guess… but I’ll just give it a few more minutes.”

The side eye she kept throwing his way was worse than if she’d just spoke. The minutes gave way to an hour. Billy took out his phone to text his dad, then put it back again. He clearly wanted space. Billy could offer him that much.

With a groan and roll of her eyes Agatha said, “Would you go to bed already? I’ll knock that ugly ass bowl of fruit off the table to wake you up if he comes home. I never understood the appeal of those.”

Whispering he asked, “Would you forgive me? If it was Nicky’s body that I took.”

Agatha practically gagged at the thought. “Oof. Not asking the easy questions tonight, are you?”

“Well?”

“First off,” she dramatically held up a finger, “I would have known you weren’t my original kid immediately. Second,” another finger, “we’ve established that I’m a shitty parent. I’m really not the person you want to ask that question.”

“That’s a no.” Billy swiped away a rebellious tear that fell down his cheek.

She threw her hands up. “What do I know. The second you showed up I started treating you like a stray puppy I had every intention of adopting. I didn’t even try to murder you. That has to mean something.”

Billy leaned his head against the railing, eyes still fixed on the door. “Shitty parent or not, you loved him. Will you tell me a story? About him and you? A real one? I still don’t believe that you sold him for the Darkhold.”

The locket at her neck glowed purple as she stroked it. If ghosts could cry he imagined her eyes would be glistening. “Don’t go putting too much faith in me yet, Teen.”

He stared at her until she made an ‘okay, okay’ gesture with her hands. “You want a story? Fine. Once upon a time there was a young witch with an abusive mother. Her mother had always been a terrible person, but one day she caught her daughter kissing another girl, and from then on she made the girl’s life hell. She called her terrible things like an abomination she should have killed at birth.”

“Gross.”

“Yes, it was gross. So the girl summoned a mighty power. An entity as old as time. She wanted power. She wanted enough magic to keep her mother at bay, and the power to see death coming. In exchange…”

Agatha’s voice caught on the words. He didn’t try to hurry her on. They sat in the stillness until she found the words.

“In exchange, he wanted the soul of her first born son.”

“Oh shit!” Billy exclaimed softly.

“Oh don’t you judge me! I’m a lesbian! It was the 18th century! It’s not like there were sperm banks on every corner back then. It seemed like a safe enough bet. Anyway, the entity agreed to her terms. The witch was granted the ability to drain power from all who would harm her and she could see death come to reap the souls of the bodies she left in her wake.”

“And being the big fat lesbo she was, she took one look at the baddest bitch she’d ever seen and fell head over heels?” Billy teased.

Agatha’s eyes looked off into the middle ground, lost in memory. “Something like that. Despite her best efforts the woman fell pregnant with the foretold baby.”

“Who was the father?”

That got her attention back to the moment at hand. She flapped her whispy sleeves in his face. “Boo! Boring! I already told you, men are unimportant to this story. Pregnancy was happening. The how doesn’t matter. What matters is that she decided to be emotionally unattached. Where the soul went after he died wouldn’t matter if she didn’t care.”

“Are we pretending like you don’t care?”

“Can we at least keep up the pretense that this is a fictional story? The woman didn’t care. Pregnancy is a nuisance. You feel ill all the time, you get bloated, you can barely breathe. And then one day the baby kicks. And then later when she pressed on him in her belly, he pressed right back and the unthinkable happened. She fell in love with a boy.”

Again she had to pause to stroke the locket and catch her hitching breath. “She convinced herself that the soul of her boy would be safe for as long as he lived, so she planned for him to have a long and glorious life. But death, that bitch, showed up before he could take in his first breath. So the woman begged and pleaded for his life. Do you know how much time she was granted? Six years. In the lifespan of a witch six years is a drop in a bucket. To the entity it was nothing.” 

Ferociously Agatha bit out the words, “They gave me nothing .”

Billy tried to put a hand on her shoulder. It slipped right through. She didn’t even notice. In an attempt at joking Billy said, “You’ve vowed to hate Rio until the end of time over what is essentially the universe’s shittiest custody agreement?”

That earned him one hell of a glare. He held his hands up in a placating gesture. 

Agatha flicked a hand toward the door. “That ungrateful asshole you call a father got 13 years with his first kid. That’s TWICE what Rio gave me. And he got an instant free refill! If he can’t pull his head out of his ass he never deserved either of you!”

“Wow. You really did make an exchange for your son. Honestly, I was willing to bet everything that you hadn’t.”

“I exchanged power for the far off idea of a child. I wouldn’t have given Nicky away for the wide world. There’s a difference.”

Billy rose to his feet. “Thank you, for the story. For the truth. I feel at least 7% better.”

“Well that makes one of us. I feel like crap. Now, go sleep so I can dissipate for a while.”

“You’ll still wake me if he comes home?”

“Yeah, whatever. But if I can figure out how to hold a knife I’m popping his tires.” 

Chapter Text

Jeff Kaplan considered himself to be a decent person. He also considered himself to be a really good Dad. His kid wanted to start wearing black eyeliner? He’d research the best brands. His kid nervously confesses that he’s got a first date and it’s with a boy? No problem, he’ll drive them to restaurants until they get their licenses. 

This was so far beyond the realm of what he could ever have prepared for. This was the kind of bullshit that came in living in the age of Avengers. The days where Gods flew around using only the power of sentient hammers, and Tony Stark saved the world instead of trying to screw every woman in it.

Jeff was usually the kind of man who only got drunk on New Years and sometimes his birthday. He nearly walked out of the liquor store with his usual bottle of wine before he realized he was looking to get drunk, quick and dirty. Vodka would do. 

Even with the amount of bullshit heaped on his shoulders he had enough sense to text his brother before showing up and to keep the bottle of Haymakers he’d acquired corked shut. Knocking on the front door was too daunting. The kids would still be up and his sister in law, Beth, would want to chat. Jeff couldn’t handle that right now.

He sidestepped the entire front yard and made his way out back to the porch. The flood lights came on, illuminating his path. He sat himself down on an adirondack chair that used to be white next to the unlit fire pit. Three gulps of vodka were burning their way into his stomach before he realized he had to come up with a cover story. No way was he about to tell Elijah everything.

“Woah,” was all his little brother could say when he caught Jeff downing another slug of alcohol. 

Jeff tipped the bottle his way. “Want any?”

“Uh no, I think I’ll pass since I have work in the morning. I’m guessing that you do too. Want to tell me why you’re getting smashed in my backyard? Or do you want me to guess? I can’t imagine what kind of fight you and Rebecca had to get into for you to exile yourself from the house.”

Jeff shook his head. It hadn’t even phased her. A total stranger drops a nuclear bomb on their whole world and she doesn't even blink. She just accepted that what she was being told was the truth, and it was okay. She was a better person than he was. Always had been, always would be.  

God, he already felt sick. He popped the cork back in so that he wouldn’t keep drinking like it was water. Elijah lowered himself down onto the edge of another chair slowly. As if Jeff was a rabid squirrel that would snap at any sudden movement.

“If it’s not about ‘Becca then it’s got to be about William.”

Jeff stared straight up at the sky. He was daring the tears to stay stuck right in their ducts. He was not going to start crying about this. Shattering into tiny little pieces was a solo activity. It was something he could indulge in later. It was not something that an older brother did in front of the boy that he taught to ride a bike. He was the one who taught Elijah that men were expected to suck it up sometimes, to be brave and strong. Jeff’s therapist said that was bullcrap men told themselves. Dismantling toxic masculinity would have to wait for another day.

“Billy,” Jeff choked out. “It’s about Billy.”

“Is he dying? Does he have cancer or something?”

Jeff’s heart was torn open behind his ribs. A bleeding wound was leaking into his chest cavity making it hard to breathe. No, Billy wasn’t dying. And William already had.

Jeff coughed hard to dislodge the feelings caught in his throat. “Would you please stop fucking guessing?”

He uncorked the vodka, because fuck it, and took another swig to stall for time. Beth popped her head out the back door to shout a hello. Jeff kept his back turned and just held up a hand in greeting. Elijah left to go have a hushed conversation with her. After the whoosh of the sliding door signaled its closing Elijah gingerly sat back down again.

Jeff had never been a very good liar, so he decided to just blurt out what he’d come up with. “Billy, uh, he’s been doing this biology assignment at school. Genetics stuff. You know, if your parents can’t roll their tongues you shouldn’t be able to roll your tongue.”

Elijah’s entire frame relaxed. “Punnett Squares? Oh man, you know that stuff can be random, right? Blue eyed people sometimes make brown eyed kids. Genetics can be weird like that. Is this why you’re freaking out? I will bet a million dollars that Rebecca never cheated on you. Have you ever heard of chimerism? That’s where you like absorb DNA from an unborn twin so people test negative for a kid that is 100% theirs.”

“It’s not that he thought I wasn’t his Dad. It wasn’t me. It’s Rebecca. Or, it’s both of us. Neither of us.”

“I don’t understand.”

“We’re not his birth parents. He’s not ours. A federal agent came with him to tell us.”

From above them a much younger voice shouted, “Billy got baby swapped?!”

“Dammit, Adam!” Elijah shouted back at his eldest son who was practically hanging out of his bedroom window. “If I wanted you to be part of this conversation I would have invited you into it! Shut that thing! Now!”

As much as Jeff hadn’t wanted the kids to know, he was a little grateful for the interruption. He needed to get a hold of his breathing. He was taking in shallow hurried bits of oxygen. Even without the intoxicating liquid his head would be swimming.

Elijah swung back and gaped at him. “Are they sure? Like, sure, sure? He looks just like the pictures of you from when you were that age.”

Jeff let out a self deprecating laugh. “He looks just like his birth uncle did at that age. His bio Mom’s Jewish too, so there’s that at least. I guess.” The entire community was elated to find out that Wanda was bringing Hanukkah to the Avenger’s tower. Oh how opinions could change. Loathing slid up his spine at the thought of her.

“Holy Shit.”

“Holy Shit.” Jeff agreed. 

Elijah rasped, “I thought they gave you guys security bracelets at the hospital? You, Becca, and the baby all got matching sensors so that this type of thing didn’t happen.”

“They do that to stop doctors from giving people the wrong baby accidentally. Turns out it doesn’t work as well if someone’s swapping kids out on purpose.”

“Like some disgruntled nurse was changing kid’s tags for kicks?”

Jeff shook his head again. “Billy’s bio mom was involved in some shady stuff. She wanted her kid to go somewhere safe. Where he’d be loved. God I fucking hate her.”

Elijah could only shake his head in disbelief. 

Jeff laid all the way back in his seat to stare up at the stars. William loved the stars. They would drive hours out into the middle of nowhere to go camping. Without the lights of the city they were so sharp you could see clear into the center of the Milky Way. The actual names of constellations had never come easily to either of them. Instead they made an intricate map of their own. 

Of all the memories lost to the crash, those forgotten names were what broke Jeff’s heart. Billy tried his absolute best to pretend to like camping. Once or twice Jeff had almost convinced himself that they were both having fun. But it wasn’t just memories lost to that crash, was it?

“Are you going to meet him? The other kid?”

Jeff was too drunk and too tired and too fucking lost to keep the tears back this time.

“He’s dead. William died when he was thirteen.” Jeff put his hands over his face to catch the sound of the sobs. He said it out loud. It was real now. His baby was gone and he was never coming back.

“Oh my God!” Jeff dodged the hand that Elijah tried to place on his shoulder. Through sniffles he pulled himself back together. Physical affection was not what he wanted when he was hurting. Jeff retreated into pain, touch was too grounding. 

“What am I supposed to do with all of this? That beautiful baby we made the nursery for died three years ago. The one we named after Grandpa. He wasn’t even buried properly. No one sat Shiva for him. His body didn’t make it into the ground in the first 24 hours after his death. Nothing. I wanted to see him grow up. I wanted to know the person he could have grown into. Thirteen is so young and I wasn’t even there.”

He had been away, flagging down a police officer when his boy’s heart stopped. What had Jeff been thinking? He’d known William’s chest wasn’t rising. Without a moment’s hesitation he’d just run the other way. Someone should have been holding his hand. Jeff should have been holding his hand and calling 911 with the other.

“You don’t have to do anything with grief other than feel it. Crappy advice, I know, but you have to go through it.”

“I know. But I’m going to take a few days and just really fucking hate Billy’s bio mom. If it hadn’t been for her William would still be alive.” Ultimately it was the anomaly that killed William. It was Wanda Maximoff’s fault and Jeff would hold that in his chest until the end of days. So much of what happened rested squarely on her shoulders.

Despite not being a very devout Jew, the mitzvah of burial had always made sense to Jeff. Bodies weren’t embalmed and put into wooden caskets so that bodies could return to the Earth as they’d come from it.

It wasn’t that Billy didn’t deserve a body. The overwhelming fear of being unmade must have been unimaginable, especially to a child only days old. Any baby with the ability to find a home would have done the same thing. He believed his son when Billy said that he didn’t remember what happened. Of course Billy hadn’t known what he was doing.

That didn’t change the ordeal Willian went through. The Jewish tradition of levayah, walking with the body to its final resting place never leaving them alone, was to comfort the soul on its journey to the next realm. What if William’s soul was tortured knowing that he had been replaced so quickly? Jeff’s body ached at the thought. Every nerve ending set on fire thinking his eldest child might not be at rest. 

And The Scarlet Witch was to blame.

“If the swap hadn’t happened Billy would be dead,” Elijah added, unhelpfully.

Jeff rejected that thought outright. “That’s not the way it had to go! She could have just given them both to us. We could have both our boys. I feel like I left one of our kids behind at that stupid fucking hospital.”

It didn’t make any sense, but the booze was swimming his neurons around. She had magical powers. There was video footage of her holding wounds together with magic. She’d apparently made children out of thin air with a robot. Who was to say she couldn’t have made a new body for Billy, or even cloned William? He could have two boys. Identical twins. Healthy and happy and growing together.

Tentatively Elijah said, “If Billy ever wants to meet her, you probably shouldn’t be there. I’m a  lawyer, but not a criminal one. I can’t get you out of jail if you punch her in the face.”

The thought did hold a certain appeal. “Not an issue. She’s also dead. Bio Dad is too. Everybody’s dead. Oop, except for a brother. Billy’s a twin.”

“Alright, now it just sounds like you’re making shit up.”

Jeff couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “Trust me, I know. So there we are. Billy’s got a set of dead parents and a long lost twin and I’ve got a dead kid and didn’t even know it.”

Before Jeff could bring the bottle up for another swallow Elijah swiped it out of his hand. Elijah coughed at the burn. “Ooh that smarts! So when did you find all this out?”

“Oh-” Jeff checked the time on his phone, “- about 2 and half hours ago.”

The slap that Elijah delivered to the back of his head really went against his own advice not to assault people.

“What the hell?” Elijah shouted at him, “Are you shitting me? You got this information and you just bolted?!? What the fuck?”

Jeff yelled back at him, “Why does everyone expect me to be okay with this so quickly? Why can’t I just have one night to wrap my head around all of this? This takes some fucking processing. My son is dead! I think I’m entitled to fall apart just once. Why is that not allowed?”

Elijah’s eyes softened, but he still looked pissed. “Because you’re still a Dad. Parents don’t get to fall apart in a crisis until their kids are safe. You have a kid. A kid who is probably feeling really abandoned right about now. A kid who doesn’t know if he still has a Dad.”

Panic gripped at Jeff’s chest and turned his stomach again. “Oh come on. Billy knows that  I love him.”

“Does he? Today? Right now? As a family court attorney let me tell you that I have heard a hundred parents say they would do anything for their kids and then they abandon them for drugs or sex or money. The truth is that you had a life before Billy was born. You had a wife and a career and two dozen years of memories before he came along. Parents can live without their children. But a child? They don’t know anything but their parents. And they don’t know if they can live without them. Sixteen years of being told you’re loved and wanted sounds like a lot, but it’s not.”

“Three years.” Jeff corrected immediately.

“That’s right. The amnesia. That makes it even worse. He doesn’t even have the Great Forgetting.”

“The Great Forgetting? Now who sounds like they’re just making stuff up.”

Elijah shoved his shoulder. “It’s real. Google it. It’s the point where kids forget being babies. A three year old can tell you all about their first birthday. Then one day they can’t. It’s a real medical term. Whatever. The point is that as far as Billy is concerned he remembers you taking him home from the hospital that first day. To him you absolutely are his Dad. No two ways about it.”

Jeff bristled at the implication. “Of course I’m his dad. I’m not going to just stop loving him.”

“Good. Now you need to tell him that.”

Jeff was still pissed with no place to put the anger. So he started trying to wrestle the bottle of booze back. After a brief struggle that threw them both off their chairs to the ground Jeff triumphantly acquired it to take one last drink.

As he sat on the cold damp grass Jeff sighed. “I’m acting like an asshole, aren’t I? I’m just really sad. Rebecca of course is an amazing angel who handled everything perfectly. I’m a jackass.”

“Yes, you are. But this is also a traumatizing amount of information to get in one day. So for this one night, I’ll give you a ‘get out of being a jackass free’ card.”

Elijah held out his hand to help Jeff to his unsteady feet. He started to lead his wayward older brother into the house.

“You are as drunk as a skunk,” Elijah informed him, “so I won’t make you go home tonight. You are going to sleep it off in our guest room, and in the morning you are going to tell Billy that you love him and you’ll always be his dad.”

Jeff was getting all foggy eyed again. “I really do love him. He’s a great kid.”

“Seriously. How did you get so lucky? My 14 year old is going through a rebellious asshole phase.”

“Billy never did that. Being gay isn’t really a rebellion, but I guess it did kind of piss off our dad.”

Elijah barked out a laugh. “Was it that or the ripped jeans? Dad can’t stand to see good clothing marred.”

Jeff stumbled into a wall or two but they made it to the guest room without much trouble. As he sat down on the bed new thoughts began to pile up in his mind. “Three years of memories in a sixteen year old body is so little. It’s just not enough. He’s so naive. Billy’s so trusting. Should I be letting him drive? I know he passed the test but… Oh God, should we be letting him date? Eddie’s dating my three year old. That’s disgusting.”

Elijah valiantly ignored his rambling as he pulled out a pair of sweatpants for Jeff to sleep in. Elijah steadied his older brother to look at him. “Alright, tell me one more time what the plan for the morning is.”

“I go home and tell my son and my beautiful wife that I’m sorry I’m a jackass who can’t handle bad news.”

Elijah gave him a thumbs up. “Exactly. And if you don’t, I’m going to beat the ever loving shit out of you and tell them that’s why you couldn’t make it last night.”

Jeff toed his shoes off. “That’s fair. Can I ask you one last question?”

“Anything.”

“If you were Billy, and you knew that I was out there somewhere, what would you do?”

“I’d turn the Earth over looking for you, big bro. Sleep it off, and think about what you’re going to do if that twin needs a home.”