Chapter Text
I. Lewis in 2007 - Why Was He Leaving His Room?
Lewis' first year in Formula One sure was something. He was competing for a championship and had finally achieved the dream that he'd been holding onto since he was a child. His and Nico's dreaming on that yacht and finally come true and it felt brilliant. Sure there was a lot of pressure on his shoulders but he didn't mind, if anything he thrived under it and it might just help him win if he didn't have any mechanical problems and Alonso didn't do anything to fuck his race.
Despite the joys of racing in Formula One, it had its downsides and one was the afore mentioned Fernando Alonso. However Alonso posed puzzles of his own off of the race track. One of the biggest questions was: Why did Mark Webber leave his hotel room so secretly at two thirty in the morning?
The story went like this.
It was the Italian Grand Prix and they'd had a McLaren 1-2 with Fernando taking the win. Naturally everyone had gone to celebrate and Lewis had two, he may not have won but a 1-2 will always be a 1-2 and worth celebrating, but also because Nico forced him to go. Lewis ended up leaving at about one thirty in the morning with Nico and after the two drunken stumbled to Nico's hotel, Lewis made the drunken walk back to the McLaren hotel on his own. It took longer than it had to get there for sure but that's because he was drunk and his senses definitely weren't what they were when he was sober.
After three tries of remembering his hotel floor and a further four at remembering his room, which probably scared the people sleeping in the rooms he tried to barge into, he finally found his room. Room 528. He was about to open the door when he heard another door behind him open and his drunken mind had decided to turn around rather than minding his own business.
Nothing could've prepared him to see Red Bull driver, Mark Webber, leaving the room and attempting to close the door as quietly as possible.
The Aussie's attempts at keeping quiet were ruined by Lewis asking, "Mark? What are you doing here?" a little louder than expected.
Mark seemed to jump around ten feet into the air, letting out a yelp of shock, when he noticed Lewis and he slammed the door shut when he noticed it was beginning to open again. Lewis managed to catch a vague glimpse of a figure sleeping peacefully on the bed but that was probably disturbed but Mark's noise.
"Jesus Lewis," the Aussie said loudly and put his hand over his heart. "You're almost giving me a heart attack. What are you doing here?"
"It's the McLaren hotel,"said Lewis with a hint of confusion in his tone. "Why are you here?"
"I- well um- just celebrating in a more private way," he replied and looked to the floor. His hand came up to scratch the back of his neck.
Oh Lewis thought. That kind of celebration. Lewis had chosen not to partake in that and instead just spent his time with Nico, Jenson and Kimi, who was determined to get them all unbelievably wasted despite all of them having flights in the morning.
"Right," Lewis nodded slowly. "Good time?"
"I- yeah. Yeah. Great time," he said awkwardly and began to go a little red. "I'm just gonna go back to my hotel."
"Sure thing, man," Lewis said, noticing how slurred his words were. "So long as you are secretly conspiring to take my seat."
Mark laughed a little louder. "No. Of course not. Everything's great at Red Bull. See you at the next race."
"Yeah. You too," Lewis said and opened the door to his hotel room. He let out a sigh once it was shut and shook his head.
He'd never take the Australian to be the type of celebrate like that with a woman and he definitely didn't seem like the type to leave and not stay the night. Lewis and Nico had discussed this whilst they were drunk just the two of them earlier in the year, they'd determined that Mark seemed like the type to make you breakfast in the morning.
It took a little longer than usual for Lewis to drag himself into bed after brushing his teeth since he was seeing double and couldn't put the toothpaste on his toothbrush properly for a bit but being able to fall into bed after a long weekend is one of the best feelings in the world. Falling asleep becomes as easy as switching off a light.
Waking up the next morning for a flight is near impossible though. His alarm and the curtains he forgot to close did no favours for his hangover and it made Lewis regret all of his choices from the night before. Why did he torture himself like this?
Not wanting to miss your flight home is generally pretty good motivation to get out of bed and get ready for the day pretty quickly. Thankfully, last night's sober Lewis had decided to leave now Lewis painkillers and water at the side of his bed, which helped massively.
Something else that helped Lewis sort himself out quickly was seeing his teammate, Fernando, walk out of his room. Lewis was one to get drunk, but he was never one to forget things because of the alcohol he'd consumed. So he sure as hell hadn't forgotten seeing Mark Webber try to sneak out of the same room with a sleeping figure on the bed. Was that sleeping figure Fernando? Did they have a threesome with a girl they picked up? Was that why Mark was so shy about it?
"Fernando," Lewis greeted and kept his eyes to the floor after accidentally picturing his teammate and Mark having a threesome.
"Lewis," Fernando grunted and pulled down his sunglasses. Also hungover. Maybe Mark just wanted to make sure that he got back safely. Mark was a pretty caring guy, a little intense, but caring none the less. There was definitely a better explanation that a threesome.
Lewis chose not to ask any questions and their trip down to the lobby and to the cab was silent. Most of their one-on-one interactions were silent and definitely weren't the kind of interactions where you asked if the other had a threesome.
They both took separate planes back to their homes. Lewis didn't live in Monaco but Nico did. And Nico's hangover was considerably worse when Lewis incessantly called and messaged Nico to get his attention. Luckily for Lewis, the blond was very interested in what Lewis had to tell him, but both concluded on keeping it to themselves.
II. Kimi in 2008 - Why Do They Stare So Much?
Anybody who has ever met Kimi will tell you that he hates anything to do with media. No matter what it is. But those stupid group pictures that they seem to insist on take really push his patience. Thankfully he doesn't have to look too interested since his eyes can't betray him if you can't seem them. Thank God for the invention of sunglasses. In most of the pictures Kimi isn't paying the slightest bit of attention. But it's now 2008 and something isn't quite right.
The way Mark is stood behind him. He'd turned around to talk to others, or at least semi-engage in conversation. But it was mainly DC talking and the other two listening which was unlike Mark. He would usually talk back but instead he was just staring his eyes were pinned to something else, or rather someone.
Fernando Alonso.
Kimi has never interacted much with the guy but he knew Fernando and Mark were friends for certain. Kimi had friends obviously but he never completely fixated his gaze upon his friends like his life depended on it. Well, only when he was drunk, but even when he was drunk he did look at them lile that. Like they'd hung the stars in the sky and invented everything Kimi held dear to him. That was how Mark looked at Fernando though. Gently, like staring anymore intently would make the Spaniard break into tiny pieces. And then there was that smile. The same smile Kimi's mother looked at his father with, the same that DC looked at his wife with and the same Michael looked at Corinna with. A smile of gentle love and admiration.
"Alright everyone my direction," the photographer instructed and DC stopped what he was saying to face the camera and Kimi faces the front.
When the picture was released, Kimi looked at it, for once in his life. Mark still hadn't taken his eyes off of Fernando. Fernando had looked straight at the camera but Mark was looking at him differently. Like being away from Fernando any longer would kill him in a cruel and miserable way. Like the sun had disappeared from the sky and Mark was left in darkness looking for a light to guide his way, his light to be exact. Fernando was his light.
That led to an unexpected rabbit hole during a boredom period of looking at previous pictures. A few stuck out more than others. Specifically 2003, 2004 and 2007.
In 2003, Mark looked happy. His arms were folded like always but he looked relatively happy to be there. It took a little effort to think back and remember, but Kimi had the vague recollection of Fernando and Mark snickering between the two of them whilst the photographer was trying to get them organised. He also had the vague recollection of Mark being called out by the photographer for trying to switch places with his teammate, which led to Mark turning as red as the Ferraris whilst everyone else laughed. But upon further observation of the picture, Kimi noticed that if Mark had switched seats with his teammate then he would've been stood almost directly behind Fernando.
2004 stood out for a different reason. Mark looked pissed. His arms were folded and his demeanour reminded Kimi of a child who looked like he'd just been told no for the first time and he wasn't looking at the camera either. He was looking in the opposite direction of Fernando though. This attempt at recollection was a little less successful. For the life of him, he couldn't remember what had happened that made Mark so annoyed. Maybe it was because he was driving a Jaguar. They weren't exactly the best team on the grid and weren't always the most reliable cars on the grid but it was an upgrade from Minardi.
2007 was special in its own right, other than the fact that Kimi had won. In the first picture that he could find of their stupid "class of" pictures, Mark was stood directly behind Fernando with what looks to be a hand on the Spaniard's back. In the second picture he finds, Mark isn't even subtle about looking at Fernando. He's just openly staring at his friend (?). But not in the usual way you'd look at a friend. The way you'd look at some you cared for deeply and, Kimi would even go as far as to say, the way you looked at someone when you love them.
"What the fuck?" Kimi muttered to himself in his native tongue and rubbed his face. This was what boredom led to and he was now questioning the relation between two of his coworkers. What was he? A gossipy teenager? Jenson? God, Jenson would love this and probably set up an email chain between all of them, minus Mark and Fernando, so they could conspire. If he did then Kimi would immediately be searching for ways to leave it or block all of them.
This was undoubtedly information he would be keeping to himself. Mainly because he didn't care enough to figure it out and he didn't need to lose his dignity to anyone else who could possibly find out that he got this bored. But also because it's not his business and if the journalists got wind of this then they'd grill Mark and Fernando to the point Fernando would purposely drive into them at over 200 kmh and Mark would start to conspire how to kill them and get away with it. Although it could be fun to watch Mark, Fernando's would be a little less entertaining and no matter how much Kimi hated press, it was morally wrong for people to die even if they were press. But that doesn't mean he wouldn't watch them with a little more of a curious eye.
He couldn't help but wonder if anyone else had noticed anything between the two friends (?) though?
III. Jenson in 2010 - Are They Holding Hands?
Failure is ok. Jenson failed to defend his championship and lost to Seb. That's ok. If anything he felt like that was a weight off of his shoulders so he wouldn't feel the constant need to keep that winning streak going. That was a stupidly high pressure that he was happy to avoid. But the McLaren 2-3 at the end of the season was a nice touch.
Seb was looking ecstatic on the podium whilst the German anthem graced everyone's ears, allowing it to be heard from a champion's win for the first time in six years. That must've felt fantastic. The crowd were cheering for Seb and Jenson knew the feeling. That was one of the greatest feelings he could describe, if that was even possible.
Jenson looked down at the cheering crowd whilst the anthem played to where his two friends were stood. The two who had missed out on the championship together, Mark and Fernando. When were they ever apart from each other?
But then he looked at them a little closer, they were both stood shoulder to shoulder. Fair enough it could get pretty cramped. Both of their outer arms were on the barrier to try and give them space. Also fair. But their inside arms, the ones closest to each other, they were down. That was unusual. Keeping both arms up with a good way of keeping your space. Everyone knows that. So why the hell did they decide to put their arms down? That's just plain stupid. But maybe they like having a lack of personal space whilst being crowded by strangers.
A brief yet stupid, and plausible, thought crossed Jenson's mind. Were they holding hands? But holding hands at Abu Dhabi of all places would be the crowning achievement of stupid. Maybe it would just be out of moral support for each other after coming third and second in the championship? But even the that was a little bit stupid in public.
The end of the Austrian anthem snapped Jenson out of his thoughts and onto Seb and celebrating his victory. He was going to drown Seb in champagne because there was no greater taste than podium champagne as a world champion. But as he was pouring the champagne over Seb with Lewis, he couldn't help but sneak a glance at the runner up and third place drivers. Their hands had moved from an unseeable place to the railing that held back the crowd, or at least Mark had. He wasn't so sure on Fernando. But he was sure if he squinted he could see Fernando's hand buried underneath Mark's.
"Jenson," Lewis hissed as Sebastian wondered off to celebrate with the member of his team that had come to the podium with them. The McLaren drivers were now leaving the podium to go debrief with their team. "Man what were you looking at some much?"
Uh oh. Busted. "I- well um- I just thought I saw someone I knew." Worst. Excuse. Ever.
"You were staring straight at Mark and Fernando," Lewis pointed out and pressed the lift button. "We know them."
"Not them," he blurted out. "Um- someone else."
The lift doors opened and both stepped inside. As soon as the lift doors closed, Lewis asked, "did you think that they were holding hands too?"
What? That was not what Jenson had expected to come out of his teammate's mouth. "What?!" He asked with the shock of someone sharing his thoughts being evident. "You saw it too?"
"Yeah. They're always acting weird together," Lewis said. "But here of all places is a dumb idea, man."
Jenson scoffed. "It's Mark and Fernando. How smart are they really?"
"Mark, fairly. Fernando more conniving."
"True true. So how long have you noticed?" Jenson asked and began to think about Mark and Fernando as a pair. They were a little more suspicious than he'd previously realised.
"Since 2007. Saw Mark leaving Fernando's room when I was coming back from an after party," Lewis explained. "Italy I think. Nico and I have been conspiring about it for ages."
The doors opened and they both stepped out, their voices became a little more hushed.
"You and Brittney knew?" He asked in shock, a little offended he hadn't been told sooner. "Are you sure that they didn't just have a threesome with a girl? Y'know. To celebrate."
Lewis snickered. "I thought about it and it might be that but the more I see them the more I doubt the "threesome theory" as Nico and I call it."
A smirk began to spread across Jenson's face. "You and I are definitely going to do some investigating about this. You're welcome to bring Brittney to our investigation meetings as well if you want."
Lewis laughed. "I'm sure he'll be honoured that he's received an invitation."
That was the birth of the group chat between Jenson, Nico and Lewis, which later got extended to Kimi, Felipe, Seb and when they joined, Stoffel Vandoorne, Esteban Ocon and eventually most drivers that raced whilst Fernando and Mark were present on the grid. Even though several drivers disapproved of the group chat, especially the older ones such as Jacques and David, they couldn't bring themselves to leave out of curiosity for the situation between the two drivers.
IV. Sebastian in 2017 - Why Is Mark Here?
Ferrari was Sebastian's dream. So winning with them was always one of the greatest feelings Sebastian had experienced in racing. The 2017 Australian Grand Prix was a pretty good race for him, mainly because he won, but also because it was nice to see an old friend. Mark Webber.
Their years together at Red Bull had be tumultuous to say the least. Their relationship with each other was messy but it was a miracle what a few years could do for two people. They once stood on the podium alongside each other with nothing but bitterness to each other. Now Seb had just gotten off of the podium after a win and was being interviewed by Mark.
The win should be his first thoughts, instead it was Fernando Alonso. More specifically, why were they hanging around with each other so much? Seb knew they'd always been close with each other and that was a known fact about the two. But Mark also had other friends on the grid that he could've said hi to whilst he wasn't being a reporter for whatever broadcasting channel it was. Instead, Mark had spent all of his time either on a call with his mother, as Sebastian had seen on the caller ID, sounding ridiculously stressed. Or he'd been with Fernando for almost the entire weekend.
Earlier when Sebastian had gone to start a conversation with Mark, he'd found the Aussie on the phone once again. Mark had gestured for Sebastian to give him a second and if his ears hadn't deceived him, then Sebastian heard a small girl's voice speaking. Speaking Spanish and English to be precise.
"Alright. I've got to go now," he said and went to hang up but put his ear back to the phone when he heard the person on the other end speak again. "I know. I love you too. I'll see you later."
Seb could've sworn that the person on the other end was speaking Spanish and was a small child.
He was never one to avoid the question, especially with Mark, so he asked. "Do you have kids?"
Mark looked confused and pushed his phone back into his pocket. "No. Where'd you get that from?"
Seb just shook his head. "Nothing. Girlfriend? Didn't realise you were seeing anyone?"
Mark shook his head. "No. Not seeing anyone, mate. Just my mother making sure I'm alright."
That made sense. Seb had met Mark's parents on a few occasions and Mark's mum was undoubtedly one of the sweetest people Sebastian had ever met. But that didn't explain the Spanish.
He pushed the phone call memory aside and looked down to the crowd that cheered him and Fernando Alonso had caught his eye. As far as Seb knew, Fernando was the only Spanish speaking friend Mark had outside of Formula One and the Spanish speaker in question was looking ready to kill Seb when he put his arm around Mark.
Now there was something to test. Without thinking, Sebastian hugged Mark, who definitely wasn't expecting the act and stumbled backwards a little before awkwardly patting Seb's back.
"Seb, mate," Mark said away from the microphone. "What are you doing?"
Sebastian let him go. "Just making sure you know I care for you."
In actuality, Sebastian had taken a look over Mark's shoulder to sneak a look at the McLaren driver to see the Fernando was very very quickly plotting the German driver's murder and how to get away with it. Was that out of jealousy?
Confusion swept Mark's face for a few seconds but went as quickly as it arrived as he continued his questions but Seb's eyes kept flicking back to Fernando. If looks could kill, Sebastian Vettel would be six feet under and stone cold.
After the race, Seb sat and thought to himself. There was no way Mark and Fernando were actually dating. The stupid group chat Jenson had started was just as a joke between all of them. Nobody took it seriously right? And the fact that Seb may have heard a child's voice? They would have said something by now. Although, with some of the countries that they race in it probably wouldn't be the best idea for Fernando to say he's in a relationship with a man.
This was a discussion he should have with Kimi before consulting the group chat. At least about the hug and the murderous look. Exposing the privacy of a child was definitely off limits out of Seb's basic principles and the idea that it could happen to his own kids. If that happened to. His own kids then Seb would go ballistic and if it were a driver who exposed his children like that then that driver would be kissing the wall and just about any driver with kids shared his sentiment.
"Kimi! Kimi!" Seb called down the corridor as he ran to catch up with the Finn.
"You alright Sebastian?" His teammate asked. "You look a little panicked."
"I think Mark and Fernando might actually be dating," Seb blurted out. Straight to the point, no beating around the bush.
Kimi wasn't one to care for such trivial things. He never had been and probably never will be. "Ok," he shrugged. "I thought that was established with the group chat."
"The group chat is serious?!" Seb exclaimed a little too loudly for Kimi's liking. "I thought it was a joke this whole time."
Kimi wanted to face palm but instead chuckled at his fellow driver's shock. "Jenson wouldn't have made it without reason and I doubt that Nico and Lewis would both stay if they didn't think it was real."
Seb looked confused for a moment. "They're both still there?"
Kimi chuckled once again. "Yes, Sebbi."
"I need to pay more attention," Sebastian muttered in his own native tongue rather than Kimi's.
"You know Villeneuve and Coulthard are there as well," Kimi said with a slightly evil smirk, just to enjoy Seb's shock once again.
"What?!"
"And Hakkinen and Hill."
"I need to pay more attention," Sebastian mumbled once again and opened the door to the meeting room for what was going to be a hopefully short debrief on the race.
V. Oscar in 2022 - Is That A Wedding Ring?
Contract negotiations are long. Anyone who has ever been involved in them can tell you that. They're also irritating. Especially when someone's ring is shining into your eyes and bordering on blinding you for the entire thing.
Unfortunately for Oscar, the stupid glare of the ring followed him no matter where he was and he just couldn't tell where it was coming from. Which one of the guys across from him was it? The light poured in through the windows but it didn't hit them, it was directed onto Mark and Oscar and their lawyer sat on the other side of Mark.
It must've been their stupid lawyer. Well not stupid, he was pretty good for someone fresh out of law school. But why did he have to wear that stupid ring on his finger and direct it into Oscar's eyes. There was no way it was intentional but he moved his hand too much for it to consistently reflect into Oscar's eyes.
"Can you give us a minute to discuss the offer?" The lawyer asked the McLaren staff. The McLaren staff agreed and left the room, leaving Oscar, Mark and the lawyer to talk things through.
"Right what are you thinking?" The lawyer asked.
"He's not signing to be a second driver," Mark said immediately. "That's what they want but he's not going to be that."
They were talking like he wasn't there, which annoyed him, but he couldn't help but agree. "I'm not being a number two driver," Oscar said quickly. "Is there anything we can offer instead of that?"
The lawyer, that Oscar couldn't remember the name of, began to explain all the alternative offers to being a second driver. He did his best to remember all of them before finally making his choice on which one to offer that seemed most likely to get a positive response from the McLaren team.
"Alright I'll go get them back in," Mark said and left the room.
Oscar thought for a second, now or never to get rid of that ring.
"Hey, mate, I'm so sorry but do you mind just taking your ring off," Oscar said then realised that there was no glare. Too late, he had to commit. "It's just really distracting for me."
The lawyer, as expected, gave him a confused look. "I don't even wear a watch," he said, now there was nothing to blame it on. "I don't wear rings either."
Wait a second- that meant it was Mark's ring. But Mark doesn't wear rings. He's never worn them as long as Oscar's known him. He had a watch but the glare wasn't caused by the watch. What the fuck?
"Right sorry," Oscar said quickly. "Must be Mark's then."
Speak of the devil and he walked back into the room with the McLaren team trailing behind. Oscar had some questioning he wanted to get to the bottom of and this may just be the start of a debrief-gossip with Logan and Fred.
The meeting played out a little longer than expected but being able to drive back to the hotel with Mark was the perfect opportunity for Oscar to ask about the ring.
A few minutes of silence passed by in the car as Oscar began to think of a to ask about it. What were you supposed to do to ask about this though? He couldn't exactly google it either since they were barely two feet away from each other and Mark might see.
"Are you married?" Oscar blurted out. That wasn't the subtle approach he had intended to go for but there really was no easy way to ask about this, especially when Mark was such a private guy.
Silence fell again and Oscar began to panic. What if Mark dropped him because Oscar had been curious? God he should've just kept his mouth shut. Panic was beginning to overtake all of his thoughts and the longer Mark stayed silent the further the panic spread. That was a stupid idea. He never should've asked.
"What?" Mark finally said. He hadn't even faltered a little bit and just kept his eyes on the road ahead of them. Thank God Mark is a good off-track driver.
"Are you married?" Oscar repeated. "It's just because in the meeting something kept shinning in my eye and I thought it was from the lawyer-"
"Aaron," Mark corrected.
Right that was his name. "Yeah him so when you went to go get the McLaren guys I asked him and he wasn't wearing any jewellery so I realised it was yours but you don't wear jewellery unless it's got importance to you so I thought you might be married or something."
He was rambling now but before he could say anything, Mark cut him off with a laugh.
"I'm not married, Oscar," Mark said bluntly. "I'm not even seeing anyone."
That surprised Oscar. He could've sworn that Mark was dating someone or had he misread the notification that had popped up on Mark's phone that one time from the person written as "love". Maybe he'd misread "love" instead of "luke" but that seemed pretty unlikely since they were so different.
"Oh," Oscar said quietly. "Sorry."
"It's alright," Mark said. "Just wearing it because it's lucky. I always wear it for contract negotiations. They always seem to go well when I wear this."
"Oh."
That seemed like a lie from the fond smile and slightly in love look that Mark gave his ring that held a strong resemblance to a wedding ring, as though it possessed the memory of a life time but Oscar chose not to poke any further out of fear of being dropped when he was so close to a Formula 1 seat.
They drifted into a peaceful silence, which created perfect napping conditions for Oscar for the rest of the journey.
When Mark dropped him off at the hotel he was staying in, Oscar waved him off and immediately went upstairs to his room to message Fred and Logan.
GOATs of Prema
Tamtam lover
Guys I've got important information
It took time for one of them to respond since they were both at an F2 race weekend and today was media day but eventually the reply came through.
'Murica🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🔫
What
Skumfidus
Yeah what
It better be good today was boring as hell and my teammate is like ten or something
Tamtam lover
I think Mark is married
'Murica 🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🔫
WHAT
Skumfius
Yeah what the American said
'Murica 🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🔫
I have a name
Tamtam lover
Yeah but you being American is the most obvious thing ever
Skumfidus
Yeah it's pretty obvious from about ten kilometres away
'Murica🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🔫
What's a kilometre
Skumfidus
Tell you later
Oscar start explaining the stuff about Mark being married
That was the start of an hour long debrief between the trio about the potential marriage of Mark Webber and several suggestions of who he could be married to. Eventually when Oscar and Logan were added to “Stalkers (shut up Jacques let the children have their thing)” they beg for Fred to be added and become part of a greater conspiracy that spans over several generations and decades of drivers, all bearing the same question. What are Mark and Fernando?