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It was the late 1780s. In Mount Vernon, Virginia, the streets reeked of a rancid smell. This smell was likely from the horse feces on the roads. Though there was life all around, the scenery seemed dull, and unsaturated. Many men roamed the semi-busy roads as they seeked for their daily tasks. The men of the town were all being woken by their Knock-uppers. The woman, however, stayed home with the children, preforming the tasks of the average women in that time. This oh so lonesome town would soon see something oh so different for a change.
George Washington trotted around the town on his gray, well kempt horse, gaining gasps from the townies. Sure, Washington has a location where he could stay in Mount Vernon, but it was incredibly common for him to be in town at such a crucial time. At this time, Washington was supposed to be recruiting males for the Navy to deal with foreign policies, but he’d decided that it could wait. Washington has something else in mind.
Washington has never been able to smile in photos. You may wonder why. Well, it’s because his teeth aren’t exactly in the best shape. Doctors told him it may be genetics, or maybe even his diet, but he doesn’t care about that. All he cares about is that it looks bad, disgusting, even.
That’s what brings Washington to Virginia. He’s here to find a slave that could.. help him with his little issue. Those niggers have no use for their teeth anyway! they’re not even humans, barely even 3/4ths! Washington isn’t half as bad as other slave owners, he doesn’t even wanna mouth the sinful acts they partake in. All Washington is doing is making it a little harder to speak, which they shouldn’t even be doing, so it’s excused!
George Washington parked his horse in a horse-parking-lot to a Slave Auction. ‘I sure do hope all the good slaves are still available’ George thought to himself.
George had outdone himself.
He may be going mad, but he’s currently riding on his horse home with a brand new slave. He’d gone a tad bit overboard while bidding, as he bid Ten Billion dollars just for a slave with nice teeth. He’d thought he wouldn’t have to go that far, since he’s like, an authority figure, but there was someone willing to go up against his ridiculous prices. Next time he’d have to keep in mind that even Presidents have their limits.
George and his newfound Captivating Colored Pal quickly hopped off the horse (quickly due to Washington’s assistance, the slave was quite literally trembling. Washington wondered why though. It’s not like the slave was human or anything!)
As they headed to the basical mansion,(a mansion for that time, anyway.) George sat the Nigger down in a secret dungeon for the procedure, strapping it down so it couldn’t squirm.
“we’re going to preform some..𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓬𝓮𝓭𝓾𝓻𝓮𝓼😈😈” George said in a calm tone.(slightly 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂, but Washington didn’t know that was a word at the time.) It seemed that the tone didn’t have the effect that George wanted, since the 3/4th fucker started absolutely freaking out.
“Calm down! it’s not going to hurt, I promise!” people of his family line tended to lie. He wasn’t an exception, the procedure would hurt like hell. But Washington owed absolutely nothing to this nigger, let alone telling the truth to it. A little white lie never hurt. (in this case the white lie would possibly cost the life of this African American.)
George wasted no time getting to town on its mouth (pause) with his rusty tweezers, pulling out his canines, molars, and everything. As blood trickled down its mouth, he felt..good? It’s probably a sex thing he supposed. Maybe a superiority complex?
This rush didn’t last long, as the slaves very ragged, but not so much, as he could make it out said, “No! Mr president! This isn’t you!” Then the Jiggaboo screamed ever so loudly. George Washington was still working on the procedure, but it was as if he paused in confusion. “Nigga, yes it is?” George said, “Test me again. I will whip you.”
“No! I created Thanksgiving!” Wait, what? Was this nigga also of Indian, sorry, “Native American” descent? “Well!” George spluttered. “I created something! I don’t know, I’m the first president, for goodness sake! I created the American Dream!” He didn’t, but he had no idea what to say to the random drop of “creating Thanksgiving.”
“White Supremacist…” The nigger muttered under its breath. George froze. What made the jiggaboo think it could talk to him that way? “What did you just say?” He had to make sure that his ears weren’t playing tricks. “White Supremacist.” It said a little louder than before. George was enraged.
“Oh, why i oughta!-” He immediately paused his procedure to harvest his earnings, placed them in a little baggie, and whipped out his on standby whip. There was a good quality one on sale in town, he couldn’t pass up the offer.
He started to whip the nigga. He was so angry! George could be as racist as he wanted, it was normalized dammit! That nigga had to right to judge him anyway, it couldn’t even read!
The nigger was chanting something under its breath, likely the phrase that it had said before, leaving George with even more anger. As he continued to whip it, he saw some radiating energy coming off the nigger.
“I..” The nigga started, “I CREATED THANKS GIVING! RAH!” The 3/4th suddenly ripped through its restraints, startling George. How the hell did that happen? The nigger grew a beak, wings, and other aspects of a…Turkey? It squawked in rage.
“Oh my, oh my goodness!” George shouted, as his little slave powered up its Turkey(?) powers. Colors are supposed to be powerless weaklings?!? They can’t even read, dammit! He cursed under his breath as his slave creeped closer with its newfound powers.
“Don’t mess with Thanksgiving” The slave said, standing up with its confidence. It’s eyes glowed a deep crimson red, it started hurling Thanksgiving feasts at George. At this rate, the slave would likely find freedom.
“NOUUUUUU!!!!!!” George shouted as he started to lose his composure. How could a measly nigger do something like this? To Him? He’s the damn president! He ended up passing out on the ground before he could get another word in. Probably since Turkey made people sleepy. ‘I hope…slavery…is never abolished.’ George said in the comfort of his own mind. These niggers will get what’s getting to them. Maybe in another life, perhaps, as he’d failed this one. ‘Farewell, America..’
Not long after George Washington’s tragic death, (quite LITERALLY two seconds after it) slavery was officially abolished all across The United States. The African American race all banded together against the white nationalists to claim the nation as their own. They easily overpowered the Non-colors, as they had their superpowers. The Colored race spreaded their reign to more than America, then eventually, they had control over the entire Earth. This seems like a Happy ending, right? Wrong.
1946, June 14, New York.
Donald Trump was brought into the world, crying, like most infants. This may seem slightly irrelevant, but little does everyone else know…
Donald Trump, the soon to be president for the second time, was none-other-than George Washington’s reincarnation. He was going to make the niggers pay, one way, or another.
It was only a matter of time.