Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Spongebob walked into their shared house, sighing loudly, “baby, im home” spongebob said as he walked into their bedroom and saw house laying on the bed, sleeping. He walked closer to see if house is awake, and when he walked closer he saw an empty bottle of vicodin on the bedside table, his eyes widened in shock.
"baby oh no" said spongebob
"Aamzmmfn"
"Did u overdose? Again??"
"Shut up i wanna sleep"
Spongebob looked dissapointed but tried to comfort his husband.
"House, you know what happens with the jiggles. Please don't do this."
"It's too late for me."
Spongebob skedaddeld over to the doctor (who?)
"Njght"
"We need to talk" said bobby
"Km dead"
"No!
"Rigor mortis Osteoporosis"
"Plwase...."
"SpongeBob, I don't love you anymote"
"M. If thats how it is. Gary! We're going home."
House laid dead.

Chapter Text

Angel is chilling in jays backyard. He hears a quiet meow. He looks up at the nearest tree and notices chita. Chita seems to be stuch high on the tree.
Angel feels sympathy for the little meow meow, angel flies up with their wings and takes the kitty, holding her closely and safe then landing back on the ground and putting the kitty down “meow” she meows.
"Oh my me" Jay appears. "Thank you, Angel, I was so worried" They take Chita in their arms and gently stroke her to calm her down. Angel unlocks their phone and puts on "Disease" by Lady Gaga so they can vibe now. Chita says meow and begs to be put down. When Jay puts her down she starts dancing. Yippeeee

Chapter Text

"Bye, bbq!" Lizzy said as her friend went home. Oniks wandered around his servant's room when he suddenly noticed something that shouldn't be there. A white pile with a blue and other-coloured hat. A Milkbag plush! Oniks got in a hunters position to catch it. mmm, milk, he thought.
He bit down HARD and drunked the milk but...there were no milk. Kas??? Kur piens???
Oniks iekodās milka cepurē un novelka to nost. Ārā izlija zaļa radioaktīva viela un izlīda āra mazs bērns.
Bbq.
Gasp.
Oniks hissed as the radioactive liquid got onto him. He started rolling around to get it off but that just got it everywhere. And then idk oniks shapeshifts into mega monster human cat and beats bbq up and puts them back into the bag sealing it shut and throwing it in the trash.

Chapter Text

Dragkon discorporoated ig but hey tgeres persei (The guutar) and the beautful strumming of A7 and cadd9 brought it back to its body.

"Omg im alive my bones arent squish"

"Em ;

“What are you saying??”

The dragon asks his savior

“C64, pmVII7” the persei makes noises so pretty

“Okay well do u wanna go cook marshmallows?” Asks the dragon with his fire breathing

“A7!!” Strums the guitar happily

They get merlin to bring them some giant marshmallows. Aithusa(the dragon) made a fire and they roasted marshmallows

"D#! B7, Fmaj7" the guitar stummed And the dragon happily purred so they had a real good evening and all. :>

Chapter Text

Oniks was sleeping not giving abfuck about anything or anyone. He was repeatedly woken up by meowing. Eventyally he got annoyed and went to check it out. It was another catze. "Omg" meowed oniks very unimpressed.

'twas Lilith the cat and trying t wake up oniks.
"Meow did you eat anastasia"
"Nnnsmnd ammmmemem" (that means go away im trying to sleep)
"U Dork waht have u done"
"Meaw"
"IF YOU HAVE EATEN HER, U BETTER WATCH UR FUCKING MOEWING. WANNA FIGHT?? I CAN BRING ON A FIGHT BRUH CMON CMON. MY DAUGHTER IS NOT GONNA BE EATEN BY A LAZY STINKBALL LIKE YOU"
"me.ow" (bring it on.)

Lilith quickly ran and then jumped and kicked off the trea nearby and was flying full speed at oniks. Oniks looked at liliths paw and accepted his fate even though he didnt eat her daughter but when he closed his eyes awaiting the punch lilith landed next to him and ran away seing her daughter, she picked her up by the scruff and walked back to oniks.

“Welp, you didnt eat her. But i still have my eye on you.” Lilith said and then oniks turned to anastasia grabbed her and ran away up a tree, lilith ran after him more angry now, she scaryched oniks, taking anastasia away from him, she meowed “HOW DARE YOU TAKE MY DAUGHTER YOU STINK BALL?!!”

Meowjhehe (i am the only black cat in this world so i must get rid of your kin)

Lilith was mad but walked away with anastasia keeping her really safe.

Chapter Text

Joost klein had just gotten back from another successful concert when he noticed something strange in his dressing room “Oi! INTRUDER!” He screamed

“How do you know my name??” Intruder the angry bird was confused

“What?”

“What?”

“What do you want?” Joost klein asked intruder

“I want your suit. It’s blue like me. I deserve it.”

“Fine” said joost and gave him the suit. intruder put it on a flew away and joost was left naked. He cried cause his favorite blue suit was gone3
BUT THEN EVIL JOOST SHOWED UP and gave him another suit? Was evil joost not realy that evil? Joost tookt he suit and put it on, then he went so silly he decided to go outside and song his new song TRAFIK he ran out on the street singing TRAFIK TRAFIK TRAFIK he loved the song so much!!!

Then a car hit him and intruider showed up again!!!

"JOOST KLEIN!!!!!?'?"

"intruder.." whispered evil joost, "this eas all part of my plan. To kill the Real Joost and take over his place to RULE THE WORLD!!!!!GJHAHAHHA"

"u will PAY FOR THIS EVIL JOOST"

"na i need the suit back. Yk. To disguise as . Real joost so can you kindly give me th-"

BAM.

INTRUDER CRACKS EVIL JOOSTS SKULL RIGHT OPEN WITH HIS BEAK and tahts all that us left now..
Intruder looks upon the crime scene. Death. Was this really necessary? He looks upon Real Joosts dead body and wishes that in another universe, hopefully, he wouldve survived...

Fuck evil joost.

Chapter Text

It was a lovely day. suzzhi and muris the cat were enjoy a bowl of milk when a cowboy showed up, it said “hellow i am david tenant!” Then they ran away scared that davids going to eat suzzhi. They ran as fast as their little legs let and suzzhi ended up in a highhhhhh tree but muris was posing for david while david was taking pictures.

Then david went to get some real high heels. They were so high he took suzzhi off the tree and she wasnt stuck no more. He took some more pictures of the cats.

Suzzhi was very scared at first but david posted them and everyone loved it and suzzhi became famous. “WE LOVE YOU SUZZHI” the crowds chanted. He took the cats on umbrella academy shootings and they became the stars of the show. They got famous and rich and lived great lives. Suzzhi fell in love with a plushy cat named Zzushi and they lived happily ever after and muris got all the snacks he ever wated. The end <3

Chapter Text

Mitski sat by the blossoms of the earth, pondering her next song, which had been inspired in the swift hug of the summer heat. The winds changed and upon them grew a slight cold. I bet on loooosing doggggs

"this will all make sense when i am olafer!!!"

She turned, intrigued.

"Oh, hi friend :) are you Samantha?"

“Samantha? I, uh, I mean, who?” Mitski was very confused by the strange snowman.
“I have no idea who Samantha is but I’m made if the remembering water so I must know her!”
“I…” mitski considered for a sec “i think i might know what you’re talking about”
“Ooo?”
“That was, uhh, the lightning spirit that used to live in the enchanting forest. She wrote very pretty songs. But I haven’t met her in a while”
“What’s she weite?”

"Tables and chairs is all i know,"
Mitski sighed,"She was.. weird."
Before olaf could answer the ground started shaking. Looking up they both saw the earth giants walking their way.
Mitski got really scared and was about to run away but olaf started talking to the closest giant.
"Hood morning, do you have any coffee?"

Chapter Text

O. Quinn stared at the guy who was talking to him. “What do you MEAN it’s the 1700s?! Who are you?? What am i doing here.”
“I’m ALEXANDER HAMILTON~” the guy started singing for no reason. Whys he singing?
“Dude.” Quinn said “what are u even doing”

"theres a million things i havent done..."
"Ok???"
"But JUST you wait... JUST YOU WAITTT-"
"mF STOP SINGING WE ARE NOT IN A MUSICAL"
Then Quinn turns around and sees a crowd of people sitting, staring at them in confusion as they have realized. Well. Shit.
"Wait is it still the 1800's?"
"My mother wasnt around..."

"Alright, i get you, im in a band, but please stop musically trauma dumping."

"...Why not? Aint it worth a lot to know the bone of the fellow in front of you, to hold the warmth of the memory that huddles you. Do you think just because you keep it all locked in your mind above and speak none of your love you are better than a man that his country loves?"

quinn eyed him, swooshed his hair and said" "yknow, okay, rock on my dude, im just gonna...... discreetly exit...."

Alixendar Hamlet death dropped. History left his eyes on him. They lie for him.

Chapter Text

The muppet joker stands outside of a gas station. He is smoking a cigaret. Being a frequent tumblr poster isn't an easy job, so he needs his peace sometimes. That is, until Dora the explorer comes and greets him.
"hola! Soy dora!"
"What in gods name is you"
"Ur woerd lo

“Are you a femail?”

“No i am a vampire” she jumps up into a tree hissing at the muppet joker.

“Well i do not know how to respond to your monstrasaty, km going to go home now” he starts to leave and then hes passing over a road walking way thing, sudenly a car hits him!!! Oh noin dora sees that and hisses jealousy

“That’s MY victim, DUMBASS!!” Dora screams at the car. She then drags the muppet joker off the road. “You’re dying!!” She says in a happy voice! “Can you say •muriendo?• ”
“But…” the muppet joker reaches out his hand while he’s bleeding out “my three weed smoking girlfriends……”
“Do they smoke weed cigarettes?” Dora asks
“It’s called a bunt. And yes, they all smoke weed”
“Can you say weed in spanish? It’s hierba!”

Chapter Text

Alexander hamiltoon, wheres your family from?” The meat asked.
“Unimportant theres a million things i-“ hamiltoon said before being cut off.
“I killed your family. It was i who made them see the heavens. Ur mom was a whore.” The meat said pulling out a knife from nowhere like a cartoon character.

So in return alexander pulled out a gun.
As Meat lounged for him alex shot at it. But the bullets did nothing. They shot through meat but it wasnt even fazed.
The meat stabbed hamilton. It stood up leaving him to bleed out on the ground.
"Mamma mia! You got my clothes dirty with blood!" It complained.

"... I imagine death so much it feels more lik a memory... Is this where it gets me? On my feet. The enemy ahead of me..."
Meat scoffed at the Hamiltoon. What a dumb name. Who even was this dude?? Immotional support meat got back to its duties as an immotional support meat. And Alexander's left by himself... Ill let Burr tell it...
"I hear wailing in the streets... , meat, you better hideee man"

Chapter Text

After sleeping for 50 centuries hairy eyes opened. The first thing they saw were teeth. Bbqs teeth.
"Mamma mia!" The teeth exclaimed.
The eyes were wery confused.

"How come you've got a mouth in a mouth" implied hairy eyes(mouthless). The eyes, by the way, were clouded by the lack of cheese.

"Fifty centuries, mate, you on't get to say SHIT," bbq's upper row of teeth said, then dramatically tripped and fell straight out of his mouth onto hairy eyes. They screamed, cried, goddammit, all this time living and experiencing the love of taste and wonder of loving but now all is taken away as they trickle and crack, one by one by one by ten and then its all gone. All of it. Fuck. What even is this life.

Suddenly everything is pink. The hairy eyes scream in agony by beinh blinded by the pink, while the uper row of teeth just laugh at them. They then find a camera and start taking photos of the hairy eyes in agony. Sudenly a big ass garbage bag falls on the eyes soothing the pink. While a random fucking guy yells “sorryyyyyyyyyy” and then a everything turns back to normal right? WRONG a paina falls out of the sky and onto bbqs top row of teth breakin all of them, everyone around them pulls out a gun and starts shooting everyome. And god looks down on them. Whispering mortals

Chapter Text

Keagans printer was a broken. Down came thr Square Hole™ and tried to Square Hole™ the printer into better shape. But. To no avail.
"Square hole™, as much stuff Can fit inside of you, you are not a good mehannic."
Keagan sighed sadly:(((( again and again. “But i enef this printer dor my presedential candidation”
He sighd AGAIN
“Need this printer #keagan2028”
“I need money for my pockets”
H
The square hole squared very squarely. It did not say anything now.
“Man are u ok” keagan asked, and walked closer to it
The hole stayed quiet. Keagan wandered closer, when suddenly he felt something beneath his shoes. A pressure plate.
“Oh no”
The gravel under his feel collapsed and he fell in. The fall was long, and he started wondering when it would end. He looked around, but the stone walls werent there anymore, he was in a void
“Where am I????” He tried to yell but there was vacuum
“This is the end” someone answered

Chapter Text

Keagan looked down at the boba plushie, gabe. Gabe looked back, wondering why is this the tenth keagan hes seen today and decides to figure out how to start lessening them.here are simply too many. Its time for a competition of wits to see which one is worth it to stay.

Lesbian keagan looks at boba once more. she is going to pretend to be the origanal. Now she is.

"brace yourself to be Contested!"
Lesbian Keagan (keagana) was More than ready, aint no way he was gonna LOSE to the ORIGINAL BETA KEAGAN.
Gabe started the contest.
"MAY THE HUNGER GAMES RIPOFF "KEAGAN GAMES" BEGINN"

The itThe itThe itThe itThe itThe itThe itThe it. Gabe stated. The it:3 then they all started batling with rmails ba boom ba boom bbno$ shows up and shows you HOW ITS DONE BABAYYYYY.3: he deafteats you all the and then neceomances wars you. Labrit viņš iesaka. Asakas man negarso nekad nav pat labas. Anyways. Uzvanat 1-800 :3 labi ir nu. Un vins pazud un visi dzivo happyl ever after jk the greeks love their tragedys.3

Chapter Text

Norkeangan was sipping on his tea peacefully as one does, when suddenly
BOOM
Amerikeagan bursts through his wall! And he screams “Keagan doesn’t drink tea! You should drink COFFEE like a real Keagan!!”
“Dude, what?? Keagan is a state of mind not a state of cofffee”
“No no no, no tea

."
"You cannot be honestly insinuating that what defines a persons specificity as themslelves is a stereotypical drink?"
"PISH. POSH!!" screams amerikeagan and then knocks iver the tea and it spills onto the blood-covered table.

Norkeagan stared in anger.
"Hey, my blood was drying!"

"Dont care fiddledosier!" Whatcha gonna do about it now huh?"
Norkeagans eyes widened as he spoke:
"I'll have to dry /your/ blood then.."

And norkeagan started to chase Amerikeagan, chasing for his blood, to kill the one who ruined his plans.
"HOPE THE TEA TASTES GOOD IN HELL! BHAHAHAH"

the battle of a century. Who will win? The bloodthirsty norkeagan or the mighty amerikeagan..... We will enverknow

Chapter Text

Once upon a time spider punk aka HOBIE BROWN was just wandering around sillyly.
Sudenly he came across a corpse a very square and blocky corpse, sudenly it jumped up and the name that read above was “grian” which was now yellow? Interesting hobie thiught.

“M8 that name above your head is sick as hell, but how did you come back alive?”

“Oh dude i just respawned!! You can do that too if you click on a bed” Grian said britishly
“RESPAWNED??!? Click?!? Mate what universe are you from??” Spider punk was confused “oh but you’re british like me!”
“Right, being british is so funnn :)” grian said happily cause he had not met any british in a while
“So like, what do you think of the reform?”

"Uh, not much?" Responded grian.
"Right. Bunch o' absolute data-stealing achroministic bullcrap. Dont know how people dont give a shit over this."

"Right, so, -"
"Sorry, gotta go, mate, autocratic leaders need a bit of beating rn"

"Awh, well, cant say much on that, i hope you like moincraft thouh : ("
"Yeah, revolutionary. Bye bruv."
And spiderpunk exited the grianpunk house and went through a pro