Chapter Text
The concept of "summer" has been proven, mathematically, to have begun on 6/03/2023.
We don't yet know why.
FIRST SUMMER
Jae Byun believed horses were endowed with irrefutable powers. They elevated him to royalty. He stretched himself off of the saddle, proud his legs were now long enough to carry his butt off the seat as he stood in the stirrups, and brandished his sword at legions of hostile beasties as the horse rippled beneath him.
Leo screamed, not for himself- for the bugs were yards away from him- but at the idea of his king’s inevitable death at the hands of the dragon flies. He stabbed at the paddock’s wood fence with his foam sword in frustration, as if it were collaborating with the beasts. Once he plowed through these front lines, Leo imagined, he could rescue the king.
“On this day I dub thee, Leo Peña, a red cross knight!” Jae had solemnly intoned, with a sharp rap on each shoulder. Jae’s sword was made of wood and actually quite painful, but Leo would kneel under another one hundred blows for his king if he was called upon for such a trial.
Leo was a poor choice, Jae thought, as the younger boy nearly fainted from anxiety during every adventure. Leo was especially susceptible to insects; he would frantically wave his arms and shake his head back and forth if any approached him. He seemed to feel that if he shook his head fast enough his shaggy hair would remain suspended around him like a shield. He was also anemic, afraid to mount a horse by himself, and caked in sunscreen so thick that Jae felt any mosquito would drown in it before he could land a bite. Yet Leo was a loyal attendant, as well as the only boy he’d met so willing to indulge Jae in his kingly pronouncements.
The two boys had become acquainted last summer: Jae’s first family vacation on the dude ranch. Leo had been quickly charmed by Jae Byun’s dedication to a royal birth. Adorned in a different crown every week (for it took about that long for the cardboard to dent or be crushed under a wayward hoof) and regal puffed up sleeves (or rather inflatable sleeves, the kind five-year-olds wore into swimming pools) Jae would gallop for hours along the paddock’s perimeter as if it really were his own personal kingdom.
At first Jae spent all of his time riding horses, exploring their different heights and admiring their different hues- coal black, granny gray, ten thousand different browns- but Leo eventually lured him away with the promise of secret trails and private enclosures. Leo’s father owned the ranch, so he’d returned every summer for as many years as he could remember. Unhappy with the horses and bored or terrified of most of the activities, he’d found a plethora of hiding spaces in his years of furtively traveling around the ranch. He led Jae to each of these spots over the course of that first summer.
Returning to the camp this year Leo spent the first week in apprehension. He had two fears: 1. That Jae Byun’s family would never return to the dude ranch. 2. That Jae would return but would have lost all interest in Leo by now. Leo was certain one of these dismal possibilities would prove to be true. So he spent the first four days on the ranch sulking in his cabin. However, when Jae finally spotted him in the cafeteria he promptly ran up to Leo and, handing him a foam sword, said, “My red cross knight! Where have you been all week?”
When he first saw her, Leo inevitably compared her hair to a horse’s tail. Yes, it was in a ponytail that day, but Leo had seen thousands of ponytails on cowboys and school girls and on the matador from last week. Bree Černý’s massive mane was the only true ponytail in existence, Leo decided. It was so thick she’d tied it together in five different places- the hair bulged out in between these ties- and so long Bree could trip over it if she wasn’t careful.
“She’s a princess,” Jae breathed.
The two boys watched her mount a horse with her younger sister. As their horse was led through the beginner’s paddock by an instructor Jae hoped to catch her eye. Bree was the only girl on the ranch his age. She didn’t notice them that day, but later on she struck up a conversation with Leo outside the horse enclosures. He was on his way to the paddock where Jae would be riding, he told her. He invited her to come along.
Bree laughed at Jae’s costume and the way he haphazardly swung his sword around while trying to maintain his balance. Yet she was impressed by how well he rode. He wasn’t an advanced rider. He couldn’t jump over barrels or fully control his horse’s direction, but he sat on the saddle with confidence. By himself. No adults leading his horse with a rope. Bree wanted to do that.
The first time Jae asked her to get on a horse with him she said no. She kept saying no all summer. Bree wanted to master a horse herself. She didn’t want to be carried along. But eventually Leo explained to her- on one of the rare occasions when they were alone together- that Jae thought she was a princess.
“A princess from a far off land,” Leo said. “When he sees you he falls in love immediately and he kidnaps you. Your dad, the king, sends his whole army after you both and Jae has to outrun them on his horse. He needs you on the horse with him Bree. He… I think he loves you.”
With Bree’s arms snugly wrapped around his waist, Jae loosened his hold on the reins. At first he did it unconsciously- he was so absorbed in the warmth against his back- but once he noticed he felt it was right. He loosened the reins further and kicked the horse’s flank, fleeing from invisible enemies.
“Don’t ride so fast!” Bree said.
Jae didn’t hear her. He was only aware of her grip tightening. With a groan, Bree buried her face in his shoulder. Jae grinned and leaned forward, allowing the horse to run faster than he ever had before. They passed Leo, who was waving from the other side of the fence. He always watched them horse riding, patiently standing at the fence. This time Leo had two swords attached at his hips; his own foam sword and Jae’s wooden one. Jae had decided to leave the weapon behind this time. For the first time, he was not charging his horse into battle. Yet he felt that this- riding through the air with a girl at his back- was more regal. Jae wished he could wave to Leo, but he had to maintain a firm grip on the saddle horn. Still, he knew Leo thought they looked amazing. They were amazing. In that moment Jae Byun was no longer a king. He was a prince.
Bree’s arms disappeared. Abruptly. Jae glanced back and she punched his shoulder.
“Don’t ride so fast!”
He might have said You can trust me. He might have said Hold on tight. But before he could say anything his horse was sharply turning and Bree was gone.
She landed on her side. The two boys stood over her, panting and alarmed, as she stared at the blood already scabbing over. Jae apologized profusely, allowing the words to run into each other.
I’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msosorry.
Bree glared up at them. “Help me up!”
Gingerly grabbing an arm each, they lifted her back onto her feet. She stood with her knees bent awkwardly, weary of the pain fully straightening her legs might provoke.
“I’ll carry you,” Jae said. The idea delighted him. She would place her arms around his neck this time, would lay her head on his shoulder, and he would urgently kick down the door to the nurse’s office.
We have an emergency!
“I’m not a little kid,” Bree said. “You know what?! Y-you’re a kid! You’re a child!”
She had been leaning against both of them equally, but now she shifted her weight towards Leo and- fiercely biting her lip- she straightened her legs and snatched Jae’s crown off his head.
“What is this?” she said. “Are you the burger king? Why do you wear this?”
She tore the crown up, heedless of the scabs on her palms. Bree was aware of the familiar tension in her throat. She wanted to cry.
Instead, she pointed at Jae’s inflatable sleeves.
“And those! Those are for little kids. Can’t you swim?”
“I can swim,” Jae mumbled, ashamed.
“Then take those off, stupid! Who do you think you are?”
Inevitably, a few tears leaked out. There was nothing Bree could do to stop them. But she pulled herself away from Leo’s support now and squeezed one of the inflatable sleeves, trying to pop it. She found the little flap where you’re meant to pump air and opened it.
When both of the sleeves were fully deflated, Bree was satisfied.
“Where’s the nurse’s office?” She directed the question to Leo. He was hugging the swords to his chest, afraid she would target them next. Stammering, he gave her directions.
With that, she stomped off.
“I’m a kid?” Jae said. He stared at the cardboard remains of his crown. “A little kid.”
“She was just mad,” Leo said.
Jae didn’t respond. He grabbed his sword from Leo and threw it on the ground. He jumped on it, kicked it, picked it up and tried to break it in half. This had very little effect.
Finally Jae swung the sword against the paddock’s fence, over and over again, grunting and muttering under his breath:
"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"
Leo could only watch as the sword began to cracked under the force. But no matter what Jae smashed it against, no matter how many hours he spent at it, the sword would not break in half.
When he gave up, Jae threw the sword in the lake. Leo’s sword followed suit. They sat in the canoe without saying a word, staring at the foam sword- which refused to sink.
Doodling in her spiral during algebra, months later, Bree still thought of the kidnapped princess. She drew the king’s army, marching to the rescue, and the prince fallen off the horse with an arrow through the head.
SECOND SUMMER
Leo never attended the First Day Campfire. Or he usually didn’t. He disliked it for several reasons:
1. Only the parents and toddlers actually stayed near the fire, singing cheesy camp songs and smiling too widely.
2. If his father caught him Leo would be pinned under his arm for the usual "This is my son!" introductions and the only chance of escape would be spontaneous combustion.
He’d actually toyed with the idea of pulling his arm into his shirt and dipping his sleeve into the flames, once.
3. The regulars used the campfire to reconvene with their friends. These were the older teenagers, or maybe they were college students by now, so they never paid Leo any attention despite his being the most regular regular on the ranch.
But today he went to the campfire, fidgeting with his hands twined behind his back, and squinted into the crowd.
“Leo!” Bree said, spotting him first. “You’re taller than me!”
“Just barely,” he said. Aware of his hands, he unclasped them and let them fall to his sides. But he found himself swinging them awkwardly, so he slipped them into his back pockets.
“Your hair is shorter,” he added.
It was almost reaching her elbows.
“I got tired of sitting on it,” Bree said.
“That makes sense.”
They stared at each other.
“So, uh… Have you seen Jae?” he said, to break the silence.
“Nope,” she said. “Hey, can we go somewhere?”
“Be careful,” Leo said. “There are tears in it.”
He held her hand as Bree climbed onto the hammock with him. She stretched her arms out as she settled next to him, letting one of them land on Leo.
“Lift your head up,” she said. He did and she put her arm around his shoulders. “It’s more comfortable this way.”
She turned her flashlight off.
The hammock felt smaller tonight with Bree, Leo thought. It had been spacious with Jae. Had Leo really grown so tall? Or was it the way she snuggled up to him that made it feel small?
Bree swung her leg in the air, slowly, rocking the hammock for them. Combined with the crickets chirping in the background it was enough to lull Leo to sleep. Maybe Bree was aware of that. She didn’t say anything for a long time.
“I wish I could have this all year,” she finally whispered.
Her mouth was close to his ear.
“The crickets are my favorite,” she continued. “I brought a bunch of jars this time. I’m going to capture them.”
“And take them back to the city?”
“Why not?”
Leo had always felt that crickets were the safest bugs. They were cute and they never snuck up on him. Plus, no one ever worried about cricket bites, did they?
“And keep them alive with...” Leo trailed off. “Uh, what do crickets eat?”
“I need to look into that,” Bree said.
Jae saw some daisies among the weeds. Somewhere. When he spotted Bree Černý, he knew he couldn’t walk up to her empty handed. He had to find those daisies.
She wasn’t impressed.
“Leo was looking for you,” she said.
Bree practiced with a riding instructor every day. She favored the spotted gray mare. Jae ran laps around them with a brown and white horse and offered to trade.
“This one’s really obedient. And he’s taller.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
Jae noticed Bree’s sister waving from the fence and realized he hadn’t seen Leo yet.
They sat on Leo’s bed in the cabin. Because his father owned the ranch, the Peña family had a special deluxe suite.
Jae had never been inside before.
Leo had hugged him enthusiastically after letting Jae inside, but that energy soon waned. Without his crown and inflatable sleeves the Jae Byun that Leo had missed was gone. Jae also felt that Leo had changed.
It wasn’t just that he was taller or that his voice was deeper. He felt that something fundamental to Leo’s character was missing.
Jae thought of the foam sword and wondered if it was still floating.
“So uh…” Leo hesitated. “Want to go to the archery range?”
Leo regarded the cricket warily. Had he thought crickets were safe? They were, but he couldn’t open the jar. Bree had given him instructions on how to feed it, but Leo would not feed it.
If he opened the lid to drop something in the cricket would jump out and attack him. Leo was certain of this. He stared at the cricket mournfully. It was as good as dead.
Jae was confused when he saw the cricket in Leo’s cabin. He knew how the younger boy felt about bugs. When Leo explained to him, Jae was furious.
“Do you hang out with her a lot? Without me?” he said, incredulously.
“Just sometimes.” Leo turned away and realized he should wash the dishes. He grabbed the bottle of soap and squirted it into a pan, accidentally pouring too much in.
“Why don’t you invite me?” Jae followed Leo into the kitchen and stood behind him. He stood close enough to breath on Leo’s neck, for a moment, then paced away.
“I never plan to hang out with her alone,” Leo said. He played with the foam, which was nearly overflowing. “It just happens. We run into each other.”
Or she comes looking for me, he thought.
“You should invite me though,” Jae said.
Leo’s hair was now long enough to cover most of his neck, Jae noticed. But he didn’t want to dwell on the younger boy’s hair.
Or his neck.
“I will,” Leo said. “Next time.”
“You’re pretty good at whittling,” the man said, looking over Jae’s shoulder.
Jae jumped and pricked his thumb with the pocket knife. Guiltily, he looked up at the man. Jae had stolen the knife from his father a few weeks ago.
He didn’t know he had been whittling until the man explained the word and what it meant.
Bree regarded the wooden fish wearily. It was crude, but definitely a recognizable fish. Jae presented it to her so proudly, with such soulful puppy dog eyes, there was no way she could refuse it. The wooden fish stared at her accusingly every night from its perch on her night stand. Should she throw it away? Bree put it in a drawer, but it swam through her clothes in her dreams and grew sharp teeth.
It tore her clothes to shreds.
“Leo!” Bree called out to him from across the cafeteria. “Where have you been all week?”
He nearly spilled his spaghetti on himself when she said that. She beckoned him to her table and he knew he had no choice. He told his mom he’d be with a friend and joined Bree with her family.
“S-sorry, my dad needed my help with, uh… chores.”
“Are you busy today?” Bree said. She offered him her macaroni and he accepted, scooping it in with his spaghetti.
“No, not today,” he mumbled with his mouth full.
“Good!” Bree vibrated in her seat. “I’m going to try jumping barrels today.”
“Oh,” he said. He swallowed his food.
“Don’t you want to come see?”
“Um… Will J- I mean there’s no point in me going,” Leo said. “Standing outside the fence is really boring.”
“You should come inside the paddock then,” Bree said. She pointed to her chin and handed Leo a napkin.
“But I can’t ride,” Leo muttered. His voice was muffled because he had shoved the napkin against his mouth. “I-I’ve just never been able to.”
“What if I’m on the horse with you? You can just hang on to me.”
Bree took the napkin from him, her fingers brushing against his lips.
“I won’t jump any barrels while you’re on the horse with me,” she added. “I’ll wait till you get off. C’mon, I’m not like Jae.”
He was going to give her the wooden turtle until he saw them.
Leo’s eyes were closed, his shoulders were slouched down and his head was resting on her back. He was hugging her tightly and Bree was singing while the mare slowly meandered around.
Lazily.
As if there was no weight on its back at all.
It looked so easy.
Them together.
Jae Byun looked at his stupid turtle and wanted to chuck it in the lake.
Then he thought better of it and slipped it into his pocket. He’d give it to Bree later.
“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Leo said.
Jae paused with the knife poised over the sharp edge he’d created on the wooden slab.
“You don’t like archery anymore?” Leo said. “We can do something else instead? What about rock climbing?”
Jae kept his eyes on the knife and resumed the task.
“I’m not afraid of heights anymore,” Leo said. “I can do it this time.”
Jae cursed Leo internally.
The statue was ruined now. He’d shaved away too much wood in the same place. Now he’d need to find another slab and start over.
“Okay, I’m still afraid of heights,” Leo mumbled. “But I can try anyway?”
Jae continued carving out the slab in front of him, determined to shave it out of existence.
“What do you want to do?!” Leo yelled. “I’ll do whatever you want. Just tell me!”
Jae realized he was bleeding. When had he stabbed himself?
The cricket died that night.
Or maybe it died last week.
Leo wasn’t sure.
He held the jar to his chest and cried. He snuck out of the cabin at 3 a.m. and dug a hole for it. At first he placed the jar in the hole, but then- realizing how cruel that would be- Leo finally opened the lid.
For revenge, Jae rode the spotted gray mare. He woke up early just to take it. When Bree arrived she was surprised to see him riding her, but she figured he was just trying out different horses, as usual. She went to the stalls and picked a horse at random, then asked him to trade.
He refused.
“Why?” Bree demanded.
“I like this horse,” Jae said.
“That’s my horse,” she said.
“Correction: this is Mr. Peña’s horse.”
“Yes, but that’s the horse I ride,” she said.
“Not today.” Jae roughly kicked the mare and galloped away.
“But it’s mine!” she cried. “It’s always mine! Oh, why are you always switching horses? That’s why you can’t ride well!”
He was too far to hear her now.
Secretly, Bree was relieved to have an excuse to throw the wooden fish at his head. She did so the next day. He responded by handing her a wooden turtle.
Bree didn’t wait to be invited in. As soon as Leo opened the door she pushed her way past him.
He had been avoiding her and she’d had enough of it.
She wishes she knew what she’d yelled at him, but it’s a blur. He started crying. Then she started crying. Then they embraced and sobbed together on his bed. She didn’t notice the jar until she was on her way out.
“Where’s the cricket?” she said. Bree was careful with her tone of voice.
“He died,” Leo whispered. His arms felt empty now, so he grabbed a pillow to replace her.
“Mine are all still alive,” Bree said. Her hand was on the doorknob, but she loosened her grip.
Leo hid his face under the pillow.
“Don’t feel bad,” she said. “Bugs have really short life spans.”
He looked like he was about to cry again, so Bree quickly added, “I’ll give you another one!”
Please don’t, he thought.
Bree wished it would stop. Why wouldn’t he stop? She was not a princess. She was the last person he should want to think of as he sat in his cabin for five hours carving a wooden crown.
They were upside down on the couch. Their legs were on the backrests and their heads were on the footrests. Leo stared at Jae as if he were the messiah. As if he were superman. He couldn’t stop staring at him. The mole just under his eye. The fuzz on his chin. Jae Byun was the most amazing boy Leo had ever known.
He was sure of it.
Jae didn’t want to force Leo to go rock climbing. In fact, Jae didn’t want to do anything today.
It was enough to just sit upside down in the Peña’s cabin. Did he really think he could maintain his grudge? Jae had given up within the week.
Yet he felt himself stiffen when the cricket began chirping. He got up and quickly found it.
“I thought it had died?” Jae held the jar up to his face. He wondered if it would break, if he squeezed it tightly enough.
“Bree gave me another one,” Leo said. He turned himself around to sit on the couch correctly.
“Doesn’t she know how you feel about them?!” Jae thrust the jar into Leo’s face so that the younger boy would flinch away from it.
“It’s okay,” Leo said. He would not flinch. “Actually, I wanted to ask you…”
“What?” Jae was staring at the little devil chirping in his hands. He loathed the sound.
“Can you feed it for me?”
Jae blinked and looked up. Leo’s hands were folded on his lap. He grinned, sheepishly, and shrugged his shoulders.
“I just,” Leo didn’t have to explain again, but he did anyway. “I really don’t want to be near it when the jar is opened.”
“You shouldn’t accept a stupid gift like this,” Jae said. “If she knew anything about you she wouldn’t have… why don’t you tell her?”
“It’s embarrassing.” Leo folded his legs up under him, pretzel style, and fiddled with his socks.
“You’re killing these crickets, Leo!”
The younger boy winced. He’d been struck by the words. His throat tightened and he opened his mouth to breath, shakily, and maintain his composure.
“Th-that’s why I asked you to-” Leo started.
“I won’t feed it for you!”
Jae smashed the jar into the ground.
Canoeing was a last ditch effort. They wanted Bree to sit in the middle, but she sat in the front. Leo offered to sit in the back, but they all knew his arms were the weakest.
Still, it was peaceful. The three of them had not been together like this in a long time.
Bree cheerfully shouted directions and threw herself into the rowing. She may have been the strongest of them, Jae realized. Or maybe she just had the most determination. If they were in a race Jae was sure they would have won. But the lake was empty that day.
Tomorrow was the last day of summer.
Everyone was probably busy packing. Leo was glad of that. He admired the ripples in the water and the way the light glinted off the surface. He admired the back of Bree’s head and the way her hair fell over her shoulders.
Yet he was conscious of Jae behind him and tried not to notice her hair too much.
Everything would have been perfect if Leo had left the statue at his cabin. When it fell out of his pocket, Jae lost it.
He pushed Leo out of the canoe.
Bree jumped in after him, imagining Leo couldn’t swim and forgetting he had a life jacket.
Leo could swim just fine.
In fact, he was faster than her. When he got out of the water he started pacing. He noticed Bree had swam back towards the canoe. She tipped it over. Floating in the lake in their life jackets, it looked like they were yelling at each other. Leo couldn’t hear them at first, but finally he heard Bree say, “You’re such a dick!”
“I carved that for you, Bree! Not for him!”
Leo couldn’t take it anymore. The crown was at the bottom of the lake, but he would not cry.
“You’re both so stupid!” Leo shouted. “I hate you both! You- you both just- You both suck!”
He had their attention.
“Why are you always fighting over stupid things?!” he continued.
Leo would not cry.
Bree said something he could not hear.
“So now I’m the bad guy?!” Jae said.
“Fuck you!” Leo yelled at the top of his lungs.
Then he ran away.
That night Jae dreamed of the lake. Bree Černý floated out of the water wearing a puffy sleeved prince’s costume.
In her arms an unconscious princess, Leo Peña, was dripping into the sky. She carried him onto a carriage pulled by a gray mare and kissed him, but Leo would not wake up.
It was the last day. He could pack up and leave with his family without saying another word to Leo Peña or Bree Černý. What did he need them for anyway? He had plenty of friends at home. They were just summer friends. They didn’t matter.
Jae would leave without saying a word. In fact, he’d never come to this stupid ranch again.
“Leo!” Jae shouted. “Leo! Wait!”
The younger boy had turned around as soon as he saw Jae coming.
“C’mon let me...” Jae searched for words. “Just let me talk to you.”
Leo would not turn back, but he did not walk away. He stood with his hands clenched in his pockets, his gaze directed at the sky.
“I’m sorry I pushed you,” Jae said.
Leo stiffened and his body tilted, as if to turn around, but he stopped himself midway. He faced an ant hill instead.
“I was just mad at Bree for giving you the wooden crown,” Jae said. “It was a gift for her.”
Leo bit his lip and lifted his fists out of his pockets. He stared at them and uncurled his fingers.
“Did she tell you I made it for her?” Jae said. “Did you know anything at all?”
Leo turned around.
“I’m not sorry!” he said. “I don’t care that you made it for her.”
Jae did not expect this. “What?” he said.
“I said I’m not sorry,” Leo said. He slapped his palms together. “I-I’d do it again!”
“Why?”
“She was going to throw it away,” Leo said. “You’re so stupid.”
Jae didn’t know what to say.
“You should have given it to me,” Leo said. “I loved that crown.”
Jae opened his mouth to speak, but Leo kept going.
“I loved that crown more than she could!” Leo said. “Because as soon as I saw it I was reminded of when you were my king. You were my king, Jae!”
What did Jae say to that?
Neither of them remembered.
Yet as they clutched at each other, they were both so happy.
They were aware that the word “happy” was not the right word.
What word would have worked?
They didn’t know yet.
The boy had known Jae Byun since elementary school. Yet as he stared at Jae's desk he realized he had not known Jae Byun.
The guy's desk was covered in wood shavings and- in various sizes and stages of completion- seven crowns, which prompted questions the boy would not ask.
Jae kissed him.
“Do you like me?” the boy said.
“Of course.”
They cuddled on Jae’s bed.
If the boy had said Do you love me? Jae didn’t know if he would have responded.
THIRD SUMMER
Leo gave him permission to ride as fast as he wanted to this time. Though still weary of the height, he could sit on the horse with his eyes opened now. Though still gripping Jae’s waist too tightly, he could straighten himself up, proudly, like a royal escort.
The wooden crown was as large as a shoe and painted gold. Inside, Jae had glued a figurine. Prince Philip? Prince Eric? Leo didn’t like Disney movies, actually. But that didn’t matter. Jae found a prince with puffed up sleeves.
“I did it myself,” Bree said. The boys glanced at each other, each thinking: you say something first.
She’d hacked her ponytail off with a pocket knife.
Leo searched for tact, but could not find it.
“Um, some of the strands are, uh, too long…”
“It’s super fucking uneven,” Jae said.
Bree ignored him and leaned in toward Leo. “Help me fix it?”
They flipped a coin.
When it landed on tails Bree cheered. “You’re riding with me!”
Though he could easily mount a horse by himself now, Jae lifted Leo onto the spotted gray mare. Bree winked at Jae and mouthed can’t touch this.
“I get to take him back though,” Jae said.
They were taking the horses through the trail in the woods, a thirty minute ride each way. Leo smiled down at Jae and was about to wave when Bree suddenly kicked the mare into taking off.
“Hey, wait!” Jae called out. He tried to jump onto his own horse as quickly as possible, but his hurry only caused him to slip and fall on his butt.
Luckily, his horse was twice as fast as Bree’s.
For once, it was Leo’s idea. They were able to reach the roof by climbing out of the bathroom’s window and- with Jae’s arms held open under him- Leo had the confidence to go first.
Afraid of heights! Who's afraid of heights? Leo thought giddily. Not me!
The cabin’s roof was slanted like a hill, so Leo could pretend there was grass spread under them instead of roof slates. Still, Jae’s legs on either side of him were a reassuring anchor.
When Leo leaned back into Jae’s chest, the older boy’s heartbeat quickened. I’ll ask him to turn his head towards me, he thought. I’ll kiss him.
I’ll kiss him, this time.
“L-let’s stand up!” Leo said.
“What?” Jae pulled Leo back as he attempted to straighten up. “Aren’t you scared, Leo?”
“I’m not,” Leo said. “I’ll show you!”
His legs wobbled, but he was able to use Jae to prop himself up. They both stood with their arms around each other and peered over the edge.
“GET DOWN FROM THERE!” Mr. Peña screamed.
The boys abruptly sat, bruising their butts, and then crawled back to the bathroom window.
“Do you know how many calls I got?” Mr. Peña ranted when the boys were safely on the ground.
“They thought you planned to kill yourselves!”
Bree stood in the bathtub in her bathing suit and gave Leo the scissors.
“My mom was mad about the mess last time,” she said. “I thought this would be a better spot.”
Her hair was shorter than his now. She’d attempted a classic boy’s haircut this time, but of course it was terribly uneven. The sides and front were alright, but she needed Leo to fix the back.
Again.
“Why do you keep doing this?” Leo said after working in silence for a few minutes.
“For a long time I never did anything,” Bree said. “I looked exactly the same, every day.”
“You got taller,” Leo said. “And, uh, matured. You didn’t look exactly the same all the time.”
“But the way I looked on the outside didn’t match me,” Bree said. She twirled her bangs around her fingers. “This is perfect, now. I love this.”
“But why didn’t you let a professional cut your hair?” Leo said. He tried his best to make all the little hairs the same length, but each time he cut a strand it ended up too short. So he was forced to cut all the other strands shorter to match. But they would end up shorter than the first hair that was too short.
At this rate, Leo thought, she’ll go bald.
“It’s more satisfying to feel the scissors in my own hands,” she said. “To feel them cutting into my hair. It’s… cathartic.”
They sat next to each other on a bench. Jae reached into his pocket to grab his knife. He needed some wood. Bree tugged at her hair. She needed a mirror.
They did not look at each other.
Finally, Leo showed up. They stood, relieved, then realized they didn’t have a quarter this time.
When you’re alone on a horse, you’re supposed to hold onto the saddle horn.
Your feet are meant to be tucked into the stirrups and you should not squeeze the horse with your legs as if you're trying to suffocate it.
Leo knew he was pathetic. He was the oldest kid in the beginners paddock and the ranch owner’s son. How ridiculous is that? As the instructor led his horse around Leo avoided making eye contact with anyone. He hoped no one would catch him here.
If Bree saw him, or Jae, or his father… They’d sneer at his audacity.
On the last day of summer, Bree Černý wanted to find Leo Peña on the hammock she thought of as theirs.
Instead, she found him pulling a wheelbarrow full of logs for his dad.
He was walking backwards, leaning back dramatically to put all his weight into the task. Leo was afraid of bumping into someone, so he kept his head turned toward the ground behind him.
Bree put her foot against a wheel, stopping him in his tracts.
When she had his attention, she handed him a bookmark.
“Thanks?” Leo said.
“Turn it around.”
She’d written her phone number with a purple marker.
“I want to keep in contact,” Bree said.
“Thanks!”
Leo never asked for phone numbers. Not on the ranch. It seemed unreasonable to him. Over the years he’d gotten under the impression that these brief yearly friends- as prone to disappearances as a matador was to injuries- would not welcome his intrusion into their real lives.
Bree leaned towards him, smiling softly, and he was about to offer his own number in return when suddenly, she kissed him.
Leo likes to think he saw it coming. She had been slowly closing the space between them. She looked him directly in the eyes without smiling. She didn’t speak. He could only stare at the light reflected in the loose strands of her hair. Normally invisible; in this particular sunbeam they’d been caught floating above her head.
“My first kiss,” Leo murmured.
He wanted her to say mine too, but she didn't. She only smiled.
“You have to text me,” she said. “Soon!”
Leo nodded. Thinking back to that moment, he imagines he stood still as she walked away from him. Stoically stared after her as she jogged away into the sunset. She called out “See you next summer!” over her shoulder as she faded from view, her dark silhouette shrinking in the distance.
But it was three o’clock and he had logs to haul. They simply walked. Both of them.
In different directions.
My first kiss, Leo thought. But who was Jae’s first kiss?
When Leo got there he was out of breath. He wished he had run or something, so that he could bend over propped up on his knees and dramatically wheeze as the music swelled in his head and he screamed waaaaiiit!
But Leo hadn’t run. He was out of breath, but only slightly. It was imperceptible. He was aware of his nostrils flaring and he decided to breath through his mouth.
Mr. Byun was loading the minivan. He tried to enlist Leo’s help, but the boy looked at him gravely and said, “I need to talk to your son.”
He let Leo into the cabin.
“Leo?”
“Jae, I-I need to talk to you,” Leo said.
“My dad’s pissed at the moment,” Jae said. “I have to hurry up and carry this out.”
“Oh, I’ll help…”
Jae had been struggling with his mother’s trunk. The boys each grabbed a side and together lifted it into the living room. It went well until Leo dropped his end.
“S-sorry.”
“What’re you so flustered about?”
“Nothing I just-”
Need to hear from you after you’re gone, Leo thought.
Jae leaned against the trunk. “What did you need to talk to me about?”
“I don’t need to talk about anything,” Leo said. “I just meant… I want to talk to you.”
“About nothing?”
“I want to talk to you all year!” Leo finally blurted.
Jae grinned. “Sounds good.”
“So, c-can I have your number?”
“You already do.”
“What?”
“It’s under the wooden crown I gave you.”
“Under…?”
“I carved it onto the bottom. You didn’t notice?”
“No,” Leo said. “I didn’t.”
“Jae!” Mr. Byun called from outside. “Hurry up!”
Before Jae could respond Leo had latched onto him. They had hugged before, but never so tightly.
Never lingering for so long.
“Hey, I’ll miss you okay?” Jae said.
“I’ll miss you too.”
Leo was aware of Jae’s lips. In that moment, he wished he was Bree. If he were Bree, he could lean forward as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
Instead, Leo kissed Jae on the cheek.
He spent an hour in the bathroom that night. Bree was right.
There was catharsis in it.
The whisper of the scissors as they sliced into the strands gently pulled taunt- the long segments twinned around his finger- snipped away under his hold.
Leo uncovered his ears first. Then his forehead. Just a trim, he had felt, would be enough. Yet he kept going until the tuffs of hair were too short to twine. He kept an eye on himself in the mirror the whole time.
Several times, while he was cutting, Leo believed his reflection was an appalling sight. Then he looked at another angle and found it charming.
It went back and forth.
Out loud he said, “I don’t regret it.”
He regretted it on the first day of school and half the time he looked in the mirror.
Yet he would pet himself. His hair was so soft now, especially at the back. As it grew longer Leo found himself tightly grabbing his hair. He would run his hand up from the bottom, enjoying the way it would stick out, and firmly grab it in his fist.
He enjoyed tugging at it. It was oddly comforting. Leo was caught doing this when he was nervous or thinking deeply. He was caught touching his hair just in general quite often. Was it narcissistic? He didn’t know.
It was a way to tide himself over until summer vacation.