Work Text:
Dr. and Mrs. Findley Smith - Confirmed.
Finn’s cursor blinked on the seemingly innocuous words.
Dr. and Mrs. Findley Smith - Confirmed.
He resisted the urge to highlight and delete them, as if deleting their names off the Google doc of invitees meant that they wouldn’t show up at the wedding.
They don’t deserve to be here , Finn thought bitterly. They don’t deserve to be here! They don’t-
Poe came through the front door of the cottage, placing his cowboy hat on the hook. “I just need to grab a quick bite. We've got Open Greenhouse for the 4-H'ers after lunch. Appreciate your help with that, if I forget to tell you after.”
Finn tried to tamp down on his thoughts. He’d circled around this before with Poe. Poe couldn’t even imagine why Finn wouldn’t want his parents there. He’d added them to the list without a thought. And Finn had said nothing. Said nothing because parents were a sensitive topic for both he and Poe. Finn knew Poe rarely brought up Shara and Kes because it still hurt him to do so. Poe seemed to respect Finn’s wishes in avoiding the topic of his parents, and Finn was just now realizing how big of a problem this was. Why didn’t I bring this up sooner? … Pay attention, Finn! “I'm happy to help the kiddos anytime, you know that.”
Finn chewed his lip, and Poe crossed the room to sit on the couch next to him, placing a sweet kiss on his cheek. He sneaked a peek at the laptop. “Wedding stuff? Something I can help with?”
“I think you’ve helped enough.” Finn wasn’t sure exactly where the sarcastic reply came from, it just seemed to bubble up out of him.
Poe raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong?”
Finn took a deep breath, determined to speak in an easy, clear manner like the adult he was always reminding Poe he was. No need to be dramatic. “My parents confirmed their attendance at our wedding.” Silence from Poe, who was clearly trying to figure out how to navigate the murky situation. Well, so am I , Finn thought defiantly. “I don’t want them there. They don’t deserve to be there.” Finn was doing his best not to sound like a petulant child. It was hard, because his parents always made him feel that way nowadays.
“They’re your parents. Of course you want them there.”
How do you make a person who obviously loves their parents understand that not all parents are angels sent from - and returned to - Heaven? Finn shook his head. “I’m going to call Kari,” he whispered determinedly, cellphone in hand. “Tell her to uninvite them. I don’t care if that’s gauche, I just can’t do it. I can’t have them there, they don’t deserve to be there .” How can I even articulate it? Finn’s eyes widened as Poe covered Finn’s cell phone with his own hand, blocking his fingers from finding Kari’s information.
“Finn, I don’t know what’s going on with you right now, but you can’t uninvite your parents. I know you’re not close, but it’s our wedding . The only one we’re going to have in our lives.” Poe’s eyes were tender as he cupped Finn’s head in his hand, running his thumb over his cheek. Finn softened, moving his head to place a kiss on Poe’s palm. He closed his eyes, trying to find the right words to explain himself, but Poe talked before he could. “You don’t know how much I would give for my parents to be there.”
Finn moved back rapidly, causing Poe's hand to drop, knowing there was a world of things he should say, but instead blurting out, “You don’t get to play the dead parents card about this!”
The shock on Poe’s face would have been comical to a fly on the wall. As it was, Finn immediately regretted saying it, but couldn’t figure out how to back track or explain. Hurt was starting to mix in with the shock and it was breaking Finn’s heart that he’d put it there. Then, a flash of anger as Poe retreated from the couch, grabbing his cowboy hat from the hook and opening the front door. He looked back at Finn. “I don’t know what’s going through your head right now, Finn, but if you figure it out, you might want to give me a few hours to cool down before you clue me in.” The door shut heavily behind him.
Finn shoved the laptop away and held his head between his hands. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he chanted to the empty room. Emotions in turmoil, he pulled on his boots, knowing he had to go out and help with the students that afternoon. He dreaded seeing Poe, seeing the hurt from Finn raw on his face, dreaded not being any closer to explaining to him why he’d said that. But when he got to the greenhouse where they would be helping students repot petunias, Finn was relieved to see Poe was nowhere around.
Snap came in behind him, hauling a bag of dirt. He paused when he saw Finn. “Finn, I didn’t think you’d make it. Poe said you had gotten busy this afternoon.”
Leave it to Poe. “No, I’m fine. I’ll just get a station set up.” Finn concentrated on one thing at a time rather than his overwhelming emotions. Dirt, check. Flower pot, check. Petunias, check. Gloves-
“Finn!” An exuberant cry from the other side of the greenhouse had Finn looking up, startled. Then, he smiled as he recognized Mary from the soccer game a few days ago. A sullen boy who looked to be about ten trailed behind her, head covered in a mop of brown curls that reminded Finn a bit of Poe.
“Mary, hi! Come on over. You guys here to repot some petunias?”
“Actually,” Mary started, and elbowed the boy in the side. The boy looked uncomfortable. So , Finn thought, maybe not sullen, just shy.
Finn redirected his attention to the boy and held out a hand. “Hi, I’m Finn. How are you today?”
The boy looked at his shoes, and Finn could tell Mary, extrovert Mary, was getting impatient and about to prod the boy further. Before she could, Finn said, “Hey, would you help me get this station set up so someone can do some potting?” The boy nodded and all three got to work, Finn and Mary chattering while Finn let the boy get comfortable. Through cross conversation, Finn learned that the boy was Mary’s nephew, Rigo.
When they finished, Finn said, “Well, now that it’s all set up, Rigo, maybe we should repot these petunias. They’re kind of in a small container now, and they need room to grow.”
Rigo’s eyes had left the petunias, though, and were staring intently at a nearby box of heirloom tomatoes. Following his eyes, Finn moved over to the box. “Would you like to learn more about these?”
A nod. And then - “I have to give a presentation at the fair in one month about heirloom plants for five whole minutes, my mom’s making me and I’m so nervous, so could we learn about the tomatoes, please?”
Now I know how Poe feels when I get verbal diarrhea , Finn thought, as Mary beamed at him.
“I can tell you all about that, Rigo, but there’s someone here on the farm who’s the real expert. Do you mind if I bring her over?” Rigo shook his head. Finn went and grabbed Leia, who had been prepping her own station.
Finn made quick introductions for everyone, and as Rigo turned toward Leia and smiled warmly at her, Finn knew he’d made the right decision. No one could resist Leia Organa.
Mary pulled him back a bit. “Thank you, Finn. He’s just so damned shy, I don’t get it. It’s obviously not from my side of the family.”
Finn smiled. “Obviously. I don’t mind, really. I love kids.” Kids got him thinking about Poe, and the smile fell from his face.
“Oh no, that’s the same look you had on your face when I walked in here. What’s wrong?”
Finn glanced over to make sure Rigo and Leia were occupied. Rigo looked like he was writing down every single thing Leia said, hanging on her every word. He looked back at Mary, who, even on his first meeting he knew always said what she was thinking but obviously had a big heart. He decided to trust her. “I fucked up. Big time.” He sighed. “No ‘two to tango’ here.”
“I’ve always wondered, do chocolate and flowers work for you guys too?”
Finn laughed in spite of himself. “I think I’m a bit beyond ‘sorry I forgot our anniversary.’ In the past, I’ve known how to express my feelings to Poe, but this particular topic is extremely sensitive for him…”
“Without knowing the deets, let me just say, relationships work because of communication, right? So even if it’s uncomfortable to talk about, you obviously still need to do it.” She looked pointedly at Finn’s engagement ring. “Can’t let things fester, right?”
“Right.” It wasn’t ground breaking advice, nothing new really, but it nudged Finn enough in the right direction to have him pulling out his phone.
Finn: I’m sorry. I’d like to talk now, if you’re okay with that? Meet me at our bench?
Finn (and Mary, who was looking over his shoulder) watched the notification go from “delivered” to “read” and held his breath as the three bouncing dots appeared.
Poe: 5 minutes.
Mary whooped, probably too loudly for what the occasion called for, because half the greenhouse looked their way. “Go get your boy, boy!”
Finn hugged Mary - an expression of gratitude that he’d become more comfortable with since meeting Poe, saluted Leia and Rigo, and headed for the door.
Poe beat him to the secluded bench among the trees. He was lounging on the bench, the essence of nonchalance. Finn knew it was a shield, a shield that had to be put up because of Finn, and he mentally beat himself up once more. Poe gestured to the seat beside him, and Finn took him up on it.
Finn looked down at his own hands. “I don’t talk about my parents a lot.”
Poe smirked, but not unkindly. “This, I know.”
“At first, it was because they had so little to do with my everyday life that mentioning them seemed silly. I went to boarding school from preschool on. They came for the parent conferences, of course, and I went back for vacations obviously, but when I was little, there was a nanny to look after me and when I was older I started staying with Rey, who had to stay at the school during breaks. My parents paid very well to basically pretend I didn’t exist, except to mold me into the perfect little imitation of them. And I didn’t really mind, because that-” He paused for a breath. “That was what life was. That’s just how it was. I went along down their guided path, happily avoiding making decisions, never rebelling.”
Even though he knew Poe had every right to deny him, Finn’s hand sought Poe’s on the empty space between them. He sighed when he felt Poe’s fingers slip through his. “But then I met you, Poe, and I learned differently. I rebelled against First Order, making big, important decisions for myself for the first time. I met Leia, and you, and I learned what real parents should be like, what love really feels like. That’s when I started to get angry. Now I’ve built a life without them, a life exponentially better than the path I was on, a life they had nothing to do with, and they don’t deserve to come see it and be a part of it. They don’t deserve to meet you and bask in your awesomeness. They don’t deserve to come judge Leia and Organa’s Organics, because I can tell you, it will be wall-to-wall polite judgement. They don’t deserve to be a part of my life anymore, because they didn't do anything to deserve a spot there in the first place.”
Poe remained silent, but his thumb was rubbing the skin on the back of Finn’s hand, which bolstered him. “I guess I’ve been needing to say that for months, but I was holding it in, because-”
“Because of my parents.” And Finn finally looked over at Poe, and none of his masks were in place and it was just Finn’s Poe looking intently back at him.
“I’m so sorry for what I said. I didn’t even know I had that resentment inside of me.”
“It sounds like you had a lot more bottled up inside of you. I forgive you. I love you.” Poe leaned over to brush Finn’s lips. “Always, and forever.” He thumbed Finn’s engagement ring.
“I’ll try to stay more on top of things, be better about telling you-”
“Finn,” and Finn looked into his eyes again. “We’re going to fight. And it’s not going to be your fault. That’s life. An old man like me has learned these lessons.” Finn smiled a bit. “Besides, I’m sorry that my issues made you feel like you couldn’t communicate.”
“I forgive you, I love you, always and forever,” Finn reciprocated the kiss, then sighed again and put his head on Poe’s shoulder. “So what about my parents?”
“You want to uninvite them, I say, let’s do it. Fuck them. You’re right, they don’t deserve you.”
“I’m sensing a ‘but.’”
“But,” and Finn could hear the smile in Poe’s voice, “let’s say they come. It gives you - us - the perfect opportunity to say “fuck them” to their faces.” Finn laughed, wrapping his arms around Poe and squeezing. “Classily, in our suits and with champagne. Maybe a song and dance number. Our first dance could be Lily Allen.”
Finn chuckled into Poe’s chest, and felt Poe’s hand stroke through his hair, content. The feeling that he could conquer anything as long as Poe had his back overwhelmed him. "Okay, they can come. Depending on how the weekend goes, we'll keep the song and dance number on reserve."
"Sounds like a plan," Poe said, dropping a kiss on Finn's head.