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Bokuto walked up the steps of the Windswept Guild Hall, Akaashi at his side, meeting the Warden's gaze steadily as he approached. He took his place behind her kneeling, bound figure, and faced the crowd. He could sense Akaashi's disapproval and worry from the way his familiar stood, but he pushed it aside. Once the Warden was dead, it would all be better. Or at least, that's what Bokuto told himself as he ignited his magic and sent flames washing over the Warden, but her screams drowned out his thoughts, and he couldn't convince himself that anything was better with a pile of ashes where the Warden had been. As soon as he could, Bokuto fled.
Akaashi found him, sitting on the bed in the room they'd stayed in the night before. Bokuto didn't look up when his familiar came in, and at first, Akaashi seemed content just to sit with him. After a while, though, the silence seemed to weigh on Akaashi.
"How are you feeling?" he asked. Bokuto didn't answer, because he didn't know what he was feeling, exactly. He was glad the Warden was dead, but he couldn't shut out the echoes her screams left in his mind. She'd made him an executioner when she forced him to kill Kai and Yamamoto, and what had he done as soon as he and Akaashi were free? He'd done another execution. Even if he firmly believed that she deserved it, he couldn't shake the sick feeling in his stomach that told him he had become exactly what the Warden had wanted him to become. "Koutarou, talk to me," Akaashi pleaded. Bokuto flinched at the worry in Akaashi's voice.
"I thought everything would be better once she was dead," the fire mage whispered. "But everything is worse. She didn't make me kill her, not the way she made me kill Kai and Yamamoto. I chose to kill her in cold blood, even after you asked me not to. I have no one to blame but myself." Akaashi wrapped an arm around Bokuto and drew him closer, bringing his other hand up to comb through the mage's hair. There was enough gentleness in the touch to make Bokuto's eyes sting with tears. "You deserve so much better, Akaashi," he blurted out before he really knew what he was saying. Akaashi's fingers froze and his breath caught.
"What are you talking about?" Akaashi whispered.
"You're so strong. And you warned me this would happen, that I'd feel horrible if I killed her, but I didn't listen to you," Bokuto replied. "I don't deserve a familiar as amazing as you, and you don't deserve to be trapped bonded to a mage as pitiful as me, especially when I couldn't protect you." Akaashi took a steadying breath, then gently prodded Bokuto until he was sitting up, and Akaashi could frame Bokuto's face with his hands.
"Koutarou, I know you didn't listen to me before, and I understand why. But I need you to listen to me now, okay? Can you do that for me?" Bokuto nodded, and Akaashi continued, "You're the only mage I've ever wanted to bond with. Being with you is the only home I have, the only home I need, and I wouldn't change that for anything. It's not about who deserves what - and you and I need to have a lengthy discussion on what exactly you deserve, because it's a whole lot more than you seem to think - it's about what we want. Koutarou, there's nothing I want more than to be with you. I love you. So please...don't push me away." Akaashi studied Bokuto carefully. Usually, when he talked to Bokuto like this, the fire mage would...well, react. He might cry, or he might swing right out of his mood, but he would at least say something about wanting to be with Akaashi, too.
This time, he just bit his lip and turned away, and Akaashi didn't know what to do or say to help him.