Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jensen Ackles stared at his reflection in the hotel mirror, mentally ticking off his prep list for tomorrow. Supernatural—his first day shooting a brand-new show that, if everything went right, might just be his big break. It was the kind of role he’d been chasing for years—a lead, with a complex character built on both strength and vulnerability. Dean Winchester. A guy whose depth went way beyond what most people might see on the surface.

He’d pored over the script for the pilot until he could almost recite it, studying Dean's layers. Strong, witty, even cocky at first glance. But underneath? Talking with Kripke had clarified it: Dean’s tough exterior hid real pain—the ache of abandonment after his brother left, the trauma of losing his mother, and now the turmoil over his dad’s disappearance. Dean’s confidence wasn’t just swagger; it was a way of keeping everything together while dealing with responsibility, fear, and grief.

It made Jensen think of Jared Padalecki, his new co-star who would play Sam. He’d met Jared briefly, exchanged some small talk, and caught a sense of his energy—a positive vibe, genuine. Jensen hadn’t seen much of Jared’s work but had heard good things. He seemed like the kind of guy who’d be solid on set, maybe even someone he could rely on. Their similarities were strange, almost uncanny—both Texas-born, both middle kids, each with that odd mix of older and younger sibling roles. And their siblings even shared the same initials. Jensen almost laughed, wondering if the universe was trying to tell him something.

Turning back to his suitcase, Jensen picked out his outfit for the morning—worn jeans and a flannel shirt that would make him look a little more like Dean. The kind of practical clothes a guy like Dean would wear without a second thought. Simple, no fuss.

Tomorrow was big. First impressions were going to set the tone, and Jensen could feel the weight of it. He knew the pressure that came with getting a new show off the ground, especially one with such high stakes. If Supernatural didn’t work, he’d be scrambling for the next job in weeks. He’d left Smallville for this, a steady gig he could’ve coasted on for another year, but something about Supernatural had pulled at him. Kripke’s vision—a dark, folklore-heavy drama with family ties at its core—had a real spark. David Nutter, the director, had a reputation for turning pilots into hits. But still, the industry was fickle; pilots got shelved all the time.

His thoughts slipped to past roles and the bruises they’d left—physical and otherwise. Dark Angel had been… rocky. Some of the crew had known things he’d rather they hadn’t, and it made things tense, awkward. He didn’t want Supernatural to be like that. He wanted this crew to feel like family, to find a co-star he could actually trust. Maybe Jared could be that person, if he let himself hope.

He caught a glimpse of the small bottle of Tegretol on the nightstand and felt his stomach clench. The medication had been a reluctant fixture in his life, a reminder of something he’d rather leave unspoken. Production had been notified—it was in his medical history, after all. But he wasn’t sure about Jared. He barely knew him, and this wasn’t exactly the first impression he wanted to make. He was tired of the questions, the pity, the sideways glances. Of being "the guy with a condition." He didn’t want that hanging over him here too.

Pushing the thought aside, Jensen sat on the edge of the bed, script in hand, his fingers tracing Dean’s lines. The character’s intensity, his need to keep people from getting too close, struck a chord Jensen didn’t want to dwell on. Dean felt familiar in a way Jensen couldn’t quite explain. Maybe this role was more than just a job. Maybe it was a chance to unearth parts of himself he kept under wraps.

He took a deep breath and set the script down, a twinge of nerves settling in his gut. He hadn’t felt this in a long time—excitement mixed with doubt, that nagging voice in the back of his head whispering that he could fall short. He flicked off the lamp and slipped under the covers, feeling the weight of tomorrow settling around him.

Whatever happened, he knew one thing: Supernatural felt different. He just hoped he could live up to it.

Chapter Text

Jensen arrived on set well before dawn, the sky barely hinting at light as he parked his car and stepped out into the cool morning air. Despite the early hour, the lot was already buzzing with activity, crew members bustling around, setting up equipment, testing lights, and preparing for the day’s shoot. He’d been around film sets before, but there was something electric about a brand-new production.

Even though he could’ve stayed at his own apartment in L.A., he’d opted for the nearby hotel production offered. The quick commute was a bonus, sure, but it also helped him ease into the world of Supernatural without distraction. He only planned to stay for the first few days, enough time to settle in and adjust to the rhythms of the set before he headed back to his own space.

Stepping onto set for the first time was a whirlwind. He moved from one place to another, meeting new people, shaking hands with department heads, and getting a brief tour of the main areas they’d be using. His trailer was modest but comfortable, with a small couch, a mirror, and a cozy corner where he could study scripts and decompress between scenes. Costume fittings, makeup tests, and set tours all blurred together, a buzzing parade of people and places. The sets were a surprise—they’d nailed the details, from the slightly battered interiors of the Impala to the eerie, abandoned buildings where they’d be filming some of the darker scenes. The production team had created an atmosphere that felt as immersive as it was impressive.

And the people were nice, they greeted him with smiles, seemed genuinely excited to be here. He was given a quick rundown on the morning’s schedule, and it put a lot of his first-day nerves to rest.

First major item on the agenda was the read-through. This would be the first time they would run through the pilot script as a team, setting the tone and rhythm for the story and the characters. Jensen hadn’t seen Jared yet, so he figured they’d catch up there.

Inside the reading room, David Nutter, Eric Kripke, and Robert Singer were already waiting. Each had their own aura of experience and authority, but they all seemed relaxed and ready to dive in.

“Jensen! Good to see you,” David greeted him warmly, gesturing to a seat across from him.

Jensen grinned, nodding at each of them. “Thanks, David. And thanks for the chance to be here. Really excited to get started.”

Eric gave him a knowing smile. “Hey, we’re just as glad to have you on board. You and Jared together…there’s just something there. Can’t wait to see how it all comes together today.”

Jensen took a deep breath, reminding himself that he’d already impressed them at the audition. They had chosen him; they liked what he brought to Dean’s character. This was just a read-through, a time to work through the script, get feedback, make adjustments.

The door opened, and Jared entered, a huge grin plastered across his face, looking nervous but excited. Jared’s energy filled the room immediately. Before Jensen knew it, Jared was crossing the room and pulling him into a hug.

“Hey, man!” Jared said, clapping Jensen on the back. “Can’t believe we’re finally doing this. I feel like we’ve been waiting forever.”

Jensen chuckled, patting Jared’s shoulder as he returned the hug. “Yeah, right? It’s a big day. Glad to be doing it with you.”

Jared took the seat next to him, still fidgeting a bit, and glanced around the room at the producers with an open, slightly sheepish smile. “I’m just saying now—if I screw up, just, you know, give me some slack.”

David laughed, waving off Jared’s concerns. “You’ll be fine. Besides, you’re among friends. We’re here to make something good together, right?”

Eric leaned in, eyes twinkling with that creator’s spark. “You two already have a solid chemistry. We saw it at the auditions, but now it’s time to take it to the next level.”

Jensen felt the weight of those words, but in a good way. He and Jared were about to bring two brothers to life, two men who shared a complicated history, and would face the unknown together. In a way, he and Jared were strangers now, but by the end of this, he hoped they’d have formed a bond strong enough to bring that brotherly connection to life onscreen.

The read-through began, and the room filled with the voices of the characters as the cast brought the script to life. Jensen listened carefully to Jared’s take on Sam, letting it colour his own reading of Dean. Jared brought a softness, a quiet, brooding determination that made Jensen feel the need to counterbalance with Dean’s humour and confidence. It was like a natural push and pull. They’d barely begun, but Jensen could already see that spark Eric had talked about.

When it was over, David clapped his hands together, grinning from ear to ear. “You two are nailing it. Jensen, Jared—keep doing what you’re doing. We’ve got something special here, I can feel it.”

Jared shot Jensen a look, his eyes shining with excitement. “Dude, we’re actually doing this.”

Jensen returned the smile, feeling that same thrill himself. “Yeah, we are. And I gotta say…I think we’re going to have a lot of fun with this.”

As they packed up to head to the set, Jensen felt a little more at ease. Jared had an openness that made him easy to trust, and the rest of the crew seemed genuinely supportive. The upcoming days would be long, and there’d be challenges, but Jensen couldn’t wait.

Chapter Text

By the end of the first week, Jensen was starting to settle into his role as Dean Winchester. The character was becoming almost instinctive, a second skin he slipped into each morning when he stepped onto set. Dean’s swagger, his sense of humour, his fierce loyalty to family—it all felt natural to Jensen and reminded him a little of Alec. The more he played him, the easier it was to channel those layers of Dean’s personality, peel back the tough exterior and explore the complex emotions that lay beneath.

Jared was proving to be a fantastic partner. Despite the challenges of shooting a pilot—which often dragged on as directors and producers perfected every scene—Jared seemed to slip effortlessly into Sam’s mindset. They had an almost instant synergy, a rhythm that made their scenes feel dynamic and real. Jared played Sam with an understated intensity that perfectly counterbalanced Jensen’s Dean, and together, they felt like two halves of a whole.

The set ran with remarkable efficiency, even for a pilot. Typically, the first few episodes of a new show involved some stumbling as everyone adjusted to their roles and the world of the story, but here, things clicked into place with an ease he hadn’t anticipated. Eric Kripke’s vision was clear, and the crew seemed to share a sense of purpose.

When Friday rolled around, Jensen finally decided to head home, craving the familiarity of his own space. The hotel had been convenient, especially on the early days, but now he wanted to unwind properly. It meant a longer commute, but there was something about driving home and decompressing in his own apartment that just felt right. As he crossed the threshold, he sighed, feeling the most relaxed he had in days.

That evening, he called his dad, giving a quick rundown of the week. His dad understood the highs and lows of the industry without needing every detail. Having a father who’d walked the same path was reassuring; he offered advice without making a big deal of it.

“It sounds like you’re in good hands,” his dad said, his voice steady and calm as always. “Nutter and Kripke are top-notch. And you’ve got a great co-star from the sounds of it. Just keep doing what you’re doing, son.”

“Thanks, Dad. It’s been…better than I expected, honestly. Just feels okay, you know?” Jensen replied, feeling the truth of those words as he said them out loud.

“I’m proud of you, Jensen. And so’s your mom. Just take it one day at a time,” his dad advised.

Jensen smiled, a familiar warmth filling his chest. “I will. And tell Mom I miss her.”

After hanging up, a pang of homesickness hit him. He hadn’t seen his family since Christmas and had been so caught up in work that he hadn’t realized just how much he missed them. Josh and Mackenzie had both checked in with texts earlier in the week, sending love and encouragement. He felt grateful, knowing his family supported him, reminding him who he was outside of Hollywood and the craziness of his job.

As he scanned the call sheet for tomorrow, Jensen chuckled, remembering the freezing river scene they’d filmed the night before. The water had been painfully cold, and shooting at night only made it worse. The memory was funny now, even if he’d been miserable in the moment. The banter between Dean and Sam brought humour to balance the show’s darker themes. He hoped the fans would get to see it, that the show would make it past the pilot to a full season.

His eyes drifted over to his Tegretol on the nightstand. Jared had mentioned going out for celebratory drinks to mark the end of their first week, a small tradition to kick off the start of the show. Jensen’s stomach tightened. Drinking was out of the question, of course, but he didn’t want to be the only one abstaining in a room full of people he barely knew. He has learnt, that refusing drinks always draws attention, and it’s not positive, as if there is something “wrong” with him for sticking to water.

He considered offering to be the designated driver—an easy excuse, one that might spare him any odd looks or questions from Jared. But he couldn’t quite shake the worry that even the excuse would draw attention. He didn’t want to appear as closed-off or unable to have a good time; he wanted to fit in.

Deciding to give himself a break from work, he picked up his phone and dialled Joana. She’d been modelling in Poland recently, visiting family and keeping herself busy. Their relationship was good, and she’d been incredibly supportive of his career, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that they were just…drifting. They’d been dating long enough that he thought they’d have moved past the “casual” phase by now, yet it still felt like they were dancing around a commitment neither of them was quite ready to make.

“Hey, you,” Joana answered, her voice bright and familiar.

“Hey. How’s Poland?” he asked, genuinely interested.

“It’s good! Cold, but you know how that goes. My aunt’s already trying to fatten me up with all her cooking,” she laughed.

Jensen smiled, imagining her surrounded by her family, happy and at ease. “Sounds nice. I miss you,” he said, meaning it.

“I miss you too,” she replied, the distance between them settling in like an unspoken barrier.

They chatted for a bit longer, filling each other in on the basics, but the conversation felt…light, skimming the surface. By the time they hung up, Jensen couldn’t shake the feeling that they were both hanging on by a thread, unsure of where things would lead.

Sighing, he leaned back against his couch, running a hand over his face. He’d made it through the first week, and tomorrow would bring the start of week two. Despite everything, he couldn’t help but feel a surge of excitement. Supernatural was just beginning, but he already felt like it could be something big. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he was exactly where he was meant to be.

Chapter Text

Jensen arrived on set Saturday morning, relieved to know it would be a short day. Due to a last-minute scheduling shuffle, they’d pulled a few scenes from Tuesday’s lineup, meaning a half day today and Sunday off. After a week of intense filming, even a day and a half to catch his breath felt like a gift.

He’d barely gotten settled when Jared spotted him, weaving through crew members to catch up. With his usual energy, Jared grinned and clapped a hand on Jensen’s shoulder.

“Hey! We’re going out tonight, right? Gotta celebrate our first week!”

Jensen hesitated, weighing his answer. He knew that as a lead, it was on them to set the tone on set—dodge the first group outing, and he’d risk seeming standoffish or, worse like he didn’t care about the cast or crew. He wanted to make a good impression, build a real sense of trust with Jared, and show everyone he was all in. But still, the last place he wanted to do that was a bar.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Jensen replied, smiling back at Jared’s eager face. “Drinks sounds good.”

Jared’s grin widened. “Yes! Seven o’clock. Don’t bail on me!” He gave Jensen a quick fist bump before heading off to his trailer.

As he turned to go, Jensen felt a pang of dread, his eyes instinctively landing on the bottle of Tegretol he kept stashed in his bag. He didn’t want to tell Jared. He didn’t want to tell anyone.

The morning went by smoothly, with a few quick scenes in a quiet neighbourhood set, and Jensen enjoyed meeting more of the cast. Jeffrey Dean Morgan introduced himself with an easy charm that made Jensen instantly comfortable, and Sam Smith, playing his mother, was friendly and eager to talk about the story. They didn’t stick around long once their scenes wrapped, though; it had been a long week for everyone.

Once they were done filming, Jensen checked the clock. If he left now, he’d have just enough time to get home and catch a quick nap before meeting Jared. After a long shower and a short nap, he felt more like himself again, ready to face whatever the evening had in store.

When he arrived at the bar, Jared was already there, chatting animatedly with a small group of crew members. He waved Jensen over, clapping him on the shoulder in greeting.

“You made it! First week done,” Jared said, raising his glass in a mock toast.

“Cheers to that,” Jensen replied, raising the soda he’d ordered. It seemed like the perfect setup, Jared was excited, everyone seemed relaxed, and the atmosphere was light-hearted. But as the night wore on, he noticed Jared glancing at his soda with a hint of playful suspicion.

“No drink for you?” Jared asked with a smirk. “Come on, man, we’re supposed to be celebrating!”

Jensen laughed it off, hoping it sounded casual. “Nah, not a big drinker these days, I learned my lesson”. He kept his tone light, hoping it didn’t sound like an excuse.

Jared chuckled, giving him a friendly nudge. “All right, all right. I’ll let you off tonight,” he joked, his voice warm and teasing.

Jensen forced a smile, the familiar tension settling in. Jared meant no harm, but he hated these moments, feeling the old fear rise up. He hated disappointing people, but he knew that there were things he couldn’t just “risk” without a price.

They fell into easy conversation after that, swapping stories about past projects, high school memories, and the usual small talk about sports and life in L.A. Jared laughed as he talked about finally doing something darker than his work on Gilmore Girls, where he’d ironically played a character named Dean.

The night wrapped up soon after, and Jensen was grateful when he finally made it back home. Sunday was his chance to truly unwind. He did some much-needed chores, listened to some music, and exchanged a few texts with his siblings, both of whom checked in to see how his first week had gone. Later, he messaged his buddy Steve Carlson, who was back in Nashville working on his music. By the time he turned in for the night, he felt recharged, ready for the long week ahead.

Monday morning kicked off with a full day of filming, packed with stunts and intense scenes. During one sequence, a tallboy came crashing toward him with a bit more force than expected, leaving a decent bruise on his hip. But Jensen didn’t mind. The work felt real, physical, and raw, and he couldn’t wait to see how it would look on screen.

It was at the end of the day, just as he was about to head out, that Eric Kripke pulled him aside. The showrunner had an apologetic look on his face.

“Jensen, can we chat for a second?”

“Of course,” Jensen replied, feeling a hint of worry creep in. Kripke gestured for him to sit down, taking a seat across from him.

“First off, you’re doing a fantastic job. Dean’s coming alive because of what you’re bringing to the character,” Kripke began, his expression warm. “But there’s something we should have discussed sooner.”

Jensen’s stomach twisted, already sensing where this was going.

“We’re aware of your medical history,” Kripke continued his voice calm and kind. “The medics, David, and the department heads are all in the loop, just so that if anything happens, they know how to handle it. I just wanted to make sure you’re comfortable with the setup, and if there’s anything you need, let us know.”

Jensen swallowed, trying to hide the frustration bubbling up inside him. He appreciated Kripke’s professionalism, but it didn’t make it any easier.

“Yeah, I understand,” he replied quietly. “I haven’t had an episode in a few years. The last one was…rough, but we got it under control. The meds can be a bit hard sometimes. They mess with my memory, make me dizzy if I’m already tired, but I keep a strict schedule. It shouldn’t interfere.”

Kripke nodded, looking at him with understanding. “Good to know. And again, if there’s ever anything you need, we’re here.”

Jensen forced a smile, thanking him, and after a few more reassurances, Kripke let him go. As he drove home, Jensen’s thoughts churned. He hated these conversations, hated the way they left him feeling exposed and vulnerable. He didn’t want anyone to see him as fragile, as someone who might need special attention. That was the last thing he wanted, especially in front of Jared or the rest of the crew.

Taking a deep breath, he reminded himself that it would be fine. This was just another part of the balancing act he’d spent years mastering, and he could handle it. He had to. Supernatural was just beginning, and so was his journey with it.

Chapter Text

Jensen walked onto set Tuesday morning, shoulders back, hoping to shake off the unease that had followed him since his talk with Kripke. He kept reminding himself that only a few key people knew about his medical history, but as he moved through the bustling set, he couldn’t shake the feeling that others might know too—that somehow, they were watching him differently, lingering a second too long as they offered their usual smiles and “morning” greetings. It was probably just in his head, but it made the familiar set feel a little off, like a stage where he was the only one under the spotlight.

He sat at a table near the catering area, absently sipping his coffee, though he wasn’t entirely present. His leg bounced nervously beneath the table, a habit he hadn’t noticed until someone from the catering crew stopped by and made a casual remark. “Maybe you’ve had enough coffee for today, huh?”

Jensen froze, thrown off by the comment. He was always careful with coffee—he knew too much caffeine could mess with his meds, so he stuck to one cup each morning. Besides, it was a small comfort, a way to ground himself at the start of each day. But now, he felt exposed, like his private ritual had been noticed and found wanting.

Forcing a laugh, he replied, “Guess I’m already wound up enough without it, huh?” He tried to sound relaxed, but the remark lingered. Was it just a passing comment, or did they somehow know about his condition? Shaking it off, he took his coffee to the edge of the set to prep for the day. It was time to focus on Dean and let the work pull him back into his comfort zone.

The day blurred by in a flurry of scenes, costume changes, and snatched moments for coffee and breath. Jensen threw himself into Dean’s skin, grateful for the distraction. Jared, always a whirlwind of energy, kept the mood light between takes, cracking jokes and sometimes leaning over the playback to obsess over his performance. The camaraderie came easily enough, with Jared’s humour filling any awkward gaps and creating a rhythm Jensen found surprisingly fun to fall into.

By the time Thursday rolled around, Jensen felt thoroughly worn out but gratified. The workload was more intense than he’d expected. With only the two brothers front and centre, he’d underestimated how much difference it made not having other cast members filling up screen time and storylines. It was nonstop, and he loved it—but the intensity crept up on him, pressing just under his ribs, a constant demand to deliver.

Late Thursday, Jensen found himself seated across from Jared at one of the small tables by the catering area. Jared was buzzing with excitement, but Jensen could sense an underlying anxiety.

“Man,” Jared said, drumming his fingers on the table, “I’m telling you, I really don’t want to go back to waiting tables if this doesn’t get picked up. I mean, we’ve done other pilots, but this—this just feels different, right?”

Jensen grinned, nodding. “Yeah, it does. It’s a great story, and I think we’ve got something here. They’d be crazy not to pick it up.” He said it firmly, meeting Jared’s eyes, hoping the reassurance would stick.

Jared laughed, his shoulders relaxing a bit. “Thanks, man. Sometimes I feel like I’m just jinxing it by even saying it out loud.”

Jensen chuckled and reached for his water. “Well, maybe you are. But if it helps, I won’t hold it against you.”

Jared snorted. “Good, because if I go down, I’m taking you with me.” The two shared a laugh, the pressure easing for a moment.

Friday’s evening shoot wrapped, leaving them both tired but riding the satisfaction of a hard week’s work. Jensen checked his phone as he packed up, planning to catch Jason Manns’ show that night. But as he leaned against his trailer, his exhaustion caught up to him, and he shot Jason a quick text asking if they could catch up tomorrow instead.

Jared, still on set, caught Jensen’s eye as he slipped out. “See you Monday?”

“Yeah,” Jensen replied, giving him a thumbs-up. “Don’t get into too much trouble without me.”

Jared grinned. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

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Saturday came as a quiet relief. Jensen took the morning to himself, clearing his head and catching up on much-needed rest. By the afternoon, he met Jason, who welcomed him with his usual easy grin and a laugh. “Thought you were ditching me, man.”

Jensen laughed, already feeling some of the week’s weight lift. “Yeah, that was the plan, but I couldn’t stay away.” They spent the next few hours catching up. Jensen found himself talking about Supernatural, feeling safe to share his excitement with Jason.

“So,” Jason asked with a glint of humour in his eye, “you think this one’s got legs?”

“Yeah,” Jensen said, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I think this one might actually go somewhere.”

They spent the afternoon chatting and joking, Jensen soaking up Jason’s calming presence. He drove home feeling lighter, grateful for the recharge. Sunday came and went in a lazy blur, with just enough time to reset for the week ahead. By the time he crawled into bed, he felt ready—well, mostly—to take on whatever Monday had in store.

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Monday morning brought an entirely new kind of work: a promotional photo shoot for Supernatural. It was one of the final steps in prepping the pilot, and Jensen felt at home here in front of the camera. He’d been modelling since he was a toddler, so the poses, angles, and pacing were second nature to him. Jared, on the other hand, was fidgeting and cracking jokes to cover his nerves.

Jensen nudged him with a grin. “C’mon, man, this is easy stuff. Watch and learn from the master, all right? Just strike a pose, look pretty, and leave the heavy lifting to me.”

Jared laughed, visibly relaxing. “Oh, the master, huh? Should I be taking notes or something?”

“Wouldn’t hurt,” Jensen shot back with a mock-serious nod. “Just don’t outshine me—I’ve got a reputation here.”

The banter did the trick, easing Jared’s nerves. As they started the shoot, Jensen kept things light, throwing in exaggerated poses and the occasional over-the-top smirk that had Jared cracking up.

With each flash, Jared relaxed more, and he started matching Jensen’s rhythm. When the photographer called for a break, Jensen clapped Jared on the shoulder. “See? Told you, man. Easy”

Jared rolled his eyes, smiling. “Yeah, yeah. I guess I’ll stick around to watch the master a little longer.”

As the final day on set wrapped, Jensen felt the familiar mix of excitement and uncertainty that always came when a project hung in limbo. With the ADR sessions and reshoots now complete, there was nothing left for him to do but wait. He let himself savour the sense of accomplishment, the satisfaction of a job well done, even with the uncertainty of what lay ahead.

Jensen took his time saying goodbye to the crew, feeling the camaraderie that had built up over the long days of filming. David gave him a firm handshake and a clap on the back, grinning as he reminded Jensen to "take it easy".

Kripke, with his usual enthusiasm, clapped Jensen on the shoulder. “You brought Dean to life, man. Great work.”

“Thanks, Eric,” Jensen said, feeling a real sense of gratitude for the showrunner. “And thanks for trusting me with this. I really hope we get the chance to keep going.”

“You and me both,” Kripke replied with a grin, a bit of that nervous excitement in his eyes.

Finally, he found Jared, who was finishing up some paperwork by his trailer. Jared looked up, flashing that trademark wide smile as Jensen approached. They shared a quick, genuine hug, both of them a little caught up in the mix of hope and uncertainty.

“Hey, man,” Jared said, pulling back. “Whatever happens, I’m glad we got to do this. But we’re totally hanging out even if this thing doesn’t get picked up, right?”

“Absolutely,” Jensen promised with a grin. “No escaping me now.”

With a last handshake and a laugh, Jensen headed toward his car, feeling a weight lift. He’d given his best to Dean Winchester, and if fate allowed it, they’d be back soon to pick up where they left off. And if not, well… he could leave knowing he’d given everything he had. As he drove away, he let himself savour the quiet satisfaction of a job well done, the thrill of a character he’d grown to love, and the hope for what might lie ahead.

Chapter Text

The next couple of months felt like an odd contradiction for Jensen—a blur of mundane days that somehow dragged on forever yet flew by all the same. His thoughts often drifted back to Supernatural, hovering in the uncertain space between hope and acceptance. He kept himself occupied with a few auditions, reading over scripts his agent sent. Some roles were fine, decent even, but nothing caught his interest the way Dean had.

Though he didn’t usually push for new friendships, Jensen kept in touch with Jared. They exchanged casual texts and a quick phone call here and there—simple check-ins, mostly. Jensen figured it was smart to keep the connection friendly in case Supernatural got picked up, but he kept things light. Jared’s humour and easy-going nature was refreshing, but Jensen didn’t let himself hope too much.

His relationship with Joanna was a different story. They weren’t fighting, but the distance between them grew. Joanna was pursuing new modelling opportunities, even a Playboy shoot that she’d been excited about. Jensen listened and cheered her on, but he could feel the shift. They talked honestly, knowing that their paths were diverging. The conversation grew quiet, without anger—just a mutual understanding that it was time to let go.

When the itch to get out of L.A. became too strong to ignore, Jensen decided it was time for a trip back home to Richardson. He hadn’t seen his family since Christmas, and he could use the break from the industry’s constant hum. A week in Texas was just what he needed to recharge, to slip back into the familiar embrace of family life. His mom was thrilled to have him home, though her tendency to hover over him, making sure he was eating enough and resting enough, could still make him feel like a kid. It was comforting, though, and for once, he didn’t mind it. Being around Josh and Mack felt good, too, even if they teased him relentlessly about his Hollywood life.

Just before heading home, he got a text from Christian Kane, who was in Texas visiting his own family. The two had been close for years, and Christian had a way of keeping him in check. When they met for dinner, Jensen could feel Christian’s eyes on him, studying him in that way only Christian could. They traded stories about work and life, catching up as if no time had passed. Christian was waiting to hear about his own pilot’s future, and they joked about who would get picked up first and made a pact to call in a favour for the other if one of them made it big.

But as they talked, Christian’s teasing took on a protective tone. He kept glancing at Jensen, like he was looking for signs that he was taking care of himself. After they finished their meal, Christian looked at him, his voice quiet. “You’re really doing okay?”

Jensen nodded, trying to laugh it off. “Yeah, man. Just the usual waiting game, you know? It’s all out of my hands now.”

Christian studied him for a moment longer, a hint of worry flickering in his expression. “I know. But…you gotta take care of yourself. Don’t let this stress get to you, you know what I mean?”

Jensen felt the familiar comfort of Christian’s concern. “I’m good, Kane. Promise. Just anxious about the show. Dean’s a hell of a character, and I just…I don’t know. It’d be nice to see where his story could go.”

“Yeah, I hear you,” Christian said, his voice softer. “But just remember, man, if it doesn’t work out, there’s plenty more waiting for you. Just don’t let this take too much out of you. I know how this business can get.”

They headed to a bar afterward, Christian keeping the mood light, and they listened to a band Christian had been hyping up. Jensen let himself relax, with Christian, he didn’t have to put on an act or keep up appearances. For a while, he could just be himself.

But once he was back in L.A., the waiting game resumed. Finally, his phone buzzed with a message from Kripke. Jensen’s heart leapt as he read the words he’d been hoping for: Supernatural had been picked up. They’d be filming 13 episodes, with the option for 23.

Grinning, Jensen picked up his phone and shot Jared a quick text: We’re going hunting.

Chapter Text

After the call confirming Supernatural had been picked up, Jared felt a rush of excitement. This was a massive break, and his mind started buzzing with ideas for the season ahead. The story was great, Sam so interesting and he was thrilled to be working with Jensen. He wanted to share the news with everyone—and it wasn’t long before he called Chad, a good friend from their CW circles, who had always been there to cheer him on.

When Jared mentioned Jensen’s name and their partnership for the show, Chad let out a scoff. “Ackles, huh? That guy was on Dawson’s Creek after I left,” Chad said, his tone carrying a hint of scepticism. “I didn’t know him personally, but I know a few people who worked with him, and word was he didn’t exactly mix well with the cast.”

“What do you mean?” Jared asked, curiosity piqued.

“Jensen didn’t fit in with them, didn’t go out, barely hung around after shooting wrapped,” Chad continued. “He was always polite, but distant, didn’t try to make friends. They thought he was standoffish…. kind of ‘too good’ for everyone else, you know?”

Jared frowned. He’d only known Jensen for a short while, but nothing Chad said seemed to line up. Jensen had been polite, even warm, despite being quiet at times. And Jensen’s reluctance to drink surprised him, but did not seem a big deal to Jared, some people just weren’t into that scene.

“Maybe he just liked his space,” Jared replied carefully. “He was cool with everyone here. Just doesn’t seem like the type who needs to be the life of the party, y’know?”

“Or maybe it’s just an act,” Chad retorted, his tone hard to read. “Look, maybe he just put on a friendly face ‘cause he knew Kripke and the network were watching. It’s Hollywood Jared, you know how it is. People put on masks.”

Jared couldn’t help but feel a twinge of doubt creep in, but he brushed it aside. His gut told him Jensen wasn’t someone hiding behind a mask. From what he’d seen, Jensen was just a private guy who took his work seriously. Still, Chad’s words lingered in his mind, a subtle undercurrent of doubt that he’d have to shake off.

“Look, I’m just saying, keep your eyes open,” Chad continued. “And hey… congrats, man. You’re gonna kill it.”

Jared thanked him and hung up, deciding not to give Chad’s words too much weight. He knew people formed all kinds of opinions in Hollywood, and not all of them were fair. If Supernatural went the way he hoped, he’d have plenty of time to see Jensen’s true colours for himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Jared texted Jensen to catch up before filming officially started in July, he expected it would be a fun, low-key meet-up. He’d been looking forward to seeing him again and wanted to celebrate their pickup before diving into the intense work of shooting what he hoped would be a full season. It had been months since they’d seen each other, and Jared figured they could make the most of their remaining free time.

So, when Jensen turned him down, Jared was surprised. The response was polite but direct: “Not feeling too great, man. Just a cold, but I’ll see you at the upfronts in New York in a couple weeks.”

It was simple enough, but the response left Jared with a lingering sense of unease. Thoughts pondering over Chad’s words. It probably is just a cold, Jared reasoned, telling himself not to overthink it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they arrived in New York for the upfronts, the buzz of excitement filled the air. The city was alive with energy, press junkets, and promotional events all around. Jared couldn’t help but feel the buzz of anticipation for Supernatural, for the chance to finally showcase the show to the world.

Jensen was there, of course, looking sharp in his suit, but Jared couldn’t shake the feeling that something was different. Jensen was doing everything he should be doing, handshakes, smiles, chatting with the right people. But there was an edge to him now, a quietness that hadn’t been there during the pilot filming.

It wasn’t that Jensen wasn’t friendly—he was, just like always. He still laughed at Jared’s jokes, smiled when they spoke, and seemed perfectly charming in the right moments. But the open, relaxed guy Jared had shared jokes with and laughed alongside during the pilot, seemed to be missing.

Jared couldn’t help but notice, the way Jensen seemed like he was pushing himself through this, putting on a show for the cameras, for the event. Jensen’s responses were shorter, more polished, like he was following a script, he was acting.

Jared felt a pang of sympathy, Jensen was uncomfortable. He knew that Jensen wasn’t a guy who thrived on the spotlight. Jensen was great with people, but he wasn’t a natural extrovert. Seeing him like this, so polished, made Jared wonder if he was doing it because he had to, not because he wanted to.

Jared made a mental note to talk to him later—he knew Jensen well enough by now to see that something was off. Whether it was the pressure of the moment, the weight of what the show meant, or something else entirely, Jared couldn’t quite put his finger on it. But he could tell: Jensen wasn’t quite himself.

Chapter Text

Jared still remembered the jolt he’d felt hearing the announcement: Supernatural would be filmed in Vancouver. The news had hit him harder than he’d expected. Los Angeles was his home—his friends, his life, and his relationship with Sandy were all here. The thought of relocating, and possibly being away for months at a time, had left him spinning.

But he had Jensen’s calm reassurance beside him. Vancouver was no stranger to him, and he’d quickly eased Jared’s worries, listing the beauty of the city, great people and food, and noting the perks of filming in a place where they could live more anonymously. Jared had held onto that comfort, grounding himself in the promise that it wouldn’t be forever. He had a job to do, and Vancouver was just another step forward. The Network was providing him with a fully furnished apartment at a hotel, and he was told he would be sharing that hotel with Jensen. Now, as he packed up, he felt a mix of anticipation and nerves, but he was ready to make the drive with Jensen by his side.

Jensen suggested they drive up together. Jared hadn’t even considered driving; he’d imagined flying in and getting to work right away. But Jensen had a better idea: "We’ll need our cars. And even though we’ll be in separate cars, we might as well road-trip up together," Jensen had said with a grin. Jared was sold. The idea of hitting the road with Jensen felt like the beginning of a new chapter, a fresh adventure.

The drive was long, but the conversation over the talky walkies made the miles fly by. For all the stories he’d heard about Jensen being standoffish or quiet, this trip showed a different side of him. Jensen wasn’t all business. He was friendly, easygoing, and maybe a bit shy, but Jared felt like he was getting to know him in a way that wasn’t available on the set. And contrast to the person he was at the upfronts.

When they finally arrived in Vancouver, it hit them like a tidal wave. The city was colder and darker than Los Angeles, and the humidity in the air clung to their skin. They went straight to set, where everything was a blur of new faces, a mostly Canadian crew, and some supporting actors they hadn’t met yet. Jared did his best to remember everyone’s names, but it was a challenge with so much happening all at once. Despite the whirlwind, he couldn’t help but notice how welcoming everyone was. People smiled at him, shook his hand, and introduced themselves.

What really struck him, though, was Jensen’s ease with the crew. He seemed to know so many people. He spoke to the grips, the assistants, the wardrobe people, and the producers with the same warmth and familiarity. Jared, meanwhile, was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that this wasn’t just some temporary gig—it was their new reality.

Another thing that caught him off guard was the fact that they had drivers to and from set every day. It wasn’t exactly typical for a show to provide personal drivers for the cast, but Jensen seemed completely unfazed by it. When Jared asked about it, one of the crew members told him to thank Jensen. "It’s his doing," they said with a shrug.

When Jared mentioned it to Jensen, he brushed it off with his usual nonchalance. "It’s no big deal," Jensen said. "You can’t have your leads falling asleep at the wheel after a long day of work."

As the first week of filming went by, Jared found himself adjusting to the pace of the new environment. Vancouver wasn’t the same as LA, it was colder, quieter, and the days seemed longer. But there was something about the place that felt… right. The crew was professional, the castmates were friendly, and the work itself was challenging but rewarding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That weekend, Jensen invited Jared to join him for dinner with Tom Welling and Michael Rosenbaum, who were in town filming Smallville. Jared, still adjusting to the isolation of being away from home, jumped at the chance. It was an opportunity to get out of the hotel and spend some time with people who knew what he was going through.

They met up at a restaurant, and the night was filled with easy conversation and laughter. Tom and Mike were hilarious and seemed to genuinely enjoy Jared’s company.

Jared, already feeling a bit tipsy from the drinks they’d had, shouted after Jensen as he walked toward the bar. "This time, make sure you grab one for yourself too!" he called, a grin spreading across his face. Tom and Mike exchanged a glance, and then Mike leaned over to Jared with a serious expression.

"Be careful, man," Mike said, his tone a little more sombre than Jared expected.

Jared, oblivious, raised an eyebrow. "What? One isn’t going to hurt him”.

Tom sighed and added, "Jensen doesn’t drink, Jared. Last year, Mike kind of pressed him on it, tried to get him to loosen up and party a little. Pushed too hard, was a bit of a dick. Let’s just say… it didn’t go over well."

Jared’s brow furrowed. "What do you mean? It was just a joke."

Mike shook his head. "Jensen told us, basically, to accept it or not ask him out again. He wasn’t going to change just to fit in. It was awkward for a while. I obviously apologised; we all knew that his friendship was more important than his drinking habits."

Jared felt a little embarrassed. He hadn’t realized it had been such a big deal. But hearing Tom and Mike talk about it made him understand that it wasn’t just something he didn’t like, it was a non-negotiable part of who he was. Jensen had made it clear he wasn’t going to be pushed into drinking, no matter the circumstances.

"It’s not just the alcohol thing, either," Tom continued. "You might notice he’s a bit strict with his coffee. He only ever has one cup on set, and no matter how many times we offer him another, he refuses. It’s like a ritual for him. I don’t know why, but it’s just one of those things."

Jared listened intently, trying to wrap his head around Jensen’s peculiarities. He was starting to see a different side of his co-star, one that wasn’t immediately visible on the surface. Jensen wasn’t just a quiet guy with a dry sense of humour. He had his boundaries, his habits, his lines in the sand. And while Jared couldn’t quite understand the coffee thing or why alcohol was such a sensitive issue for him, he respected it. He had his own quirks, after all.

Chapter Text

The first few months on Supernatural had flown by in a haze of early mornings and late nights, but Jensen was having a blast. He’d fallen into Dean’s character effortlessly, finding Dean’s blend of cocky charm and rough-around-the-edges bravery surprisingly fun to play.

To Jensen’s delight, there was more humour in the show than he’d expected, and he could play up Dean’s quirks and emotions in unexpected ways. When they filmed Phantom Traveler, the fourth episode, he let Dean’s terror of flying really come out, delivering exaggerated reactions and pulling ridiculous faces as the plane dropped. He worried afterwards that he’d overdone it, but Bob Singer, the director, seemed pleased enough. Well, pleased for Bob, anyway, a quick nod and a muttered "moving on."

Jensen was also excited to work with Kim Manners, a seasoned director with a reputation for intensity but a soft spot for actors. Kim took the time to dig into Dean’s character, pushing Jensen to explore Dean’s vulnerabilities, especially in the episode where Dean connected with Lucas, a young boy traumatised by a supernatural encounter. Kim’s praise gave Jensen confidence, but Kim also pulled him aside at one point, to discuss adaptions for Jensen.

“Look,” Kim had said gruffly, his tone kind but no-nonsense. “If you need anything, you just yell out. And don’t worry about those lake scenes—we’ve got divers under you. You won’t be alone out there with the kid.” Jensen appreciated Kim’s straight talk. It was a huge relief to know that safety measures were in place, especially since handling a child in the water was already stressing him out.

But as fun as Supernatural was, the long days and gruelling hours had started to take their toll. Sixteen-hour days, unpredictable Vancouver weather, minimal downtime, and only one day off a week was catching up with him. With the rotation of day and night shoots, Jensen couldn’t get into a sleep pattern, basically falling asleep from pure exhaustion. Jared seemed to be feeling it too. They’d still joke around, pulling pranks and keeping the crew entertained, but the exhaustion was settling in, dampening even Jared’s boundless energy.

For Jensen, the signs were creeping up in more troubling ways. He’d started to feel that occasional dizziness he’d mentioned to Kripke, a light-headedness that hit him when he stood up too fast. Then there were the waves of nausea, and he was stumbling over his lines, a problem he rarely had. Jensen brushed it off as tiredness, but the alarm was building. His symptoms were subtle enough that he could hide them most of the time, but his lack of appetite was harder to disguise.

One afternoon on set, Jared nudged him, raising an eyebrow at the half-eaten sandwich on Jensen’s plate. “Man, you sure you’re eating enough? Maybe a little more fuel would be good for you.”

Jensen gave a quick shrug, hoping Jared would drop it. But the truth was, the dizziness was happening more often, and even worse, he was starting to have trouble getting through his lines. He didn’t want to worry anyone, least of all Jared, but he couldn’t deny that he was struggling to keep up.

Jensen’s mom, who kept up a constant string of concerned texts, had started pressing him to tell Jared. “He’s right there, honey,” she’d reminded him in a message that morning. “He is staying in the same hotel, he should know, it would make me feel better knowing he is nearby.”

But the thought of telling Jared filled him with anxiety. He wasn’t sure how Jared would react, and he’d gotten good at managing his condition on his own. So, for now, he decided to keep pushing through, banking on this weekend off to get some decent sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That plan fell apart by the end of an exhausting Friday on set. Jensen’s scenes were dialogue-heavy, and despite all his preparation, the lines felt like sludge in his head.

After a fifth take, he missed a cue yet again and, in frustration, covered his face with his hands, pressing his fingers hard into his temples, willing his brain to catch up. His hands fell into his hair, pulling at the roots. “Get it together, man”, he thought, feeling a wave of anger and embarrassment.

Watching from a few feet away, Jared noticed Jensen’s distress and moved closer, frowning with concern. Jensen rarely showed strain like this, and it worried him. Jared knew they were both exhausted, but Jensen had always seemed the consummate professional, someone who could work through even the longest days without missing a beat. But lately, he’d noticed small things—Jensen pushing food around his plate at lunch, the dark circles under his eyes, and the way he seemed to lose focus, as if he were somewhere else.

“Hey, let’s take ten,” Jared said gently, putting a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “We’re almost through the scene, and we’ve got tomorrow off. Just catch your breath.”

Jensen nodded, grateful for the pause, but when he straightened, the room tilted dangerously. His vision blurred, and he wobbled slightly, reaching out to steady himself on a nearby chair. Jared’s eyes widened, alarmed, and he caught Jensen’s arm, guiding him to sit down on a nearby crate. Jensen tried to wave him off, but Jared’s grip was firm.

“Hey, you’re not fine,” Jared said, concern deepening as he watched Jensen’s pale face. “You’re lightheaded, man. Just sit for a sec.”

To Jensen’s dismay, Jared called over the medic. The last thing he wanted was to make a scene or draw attention to himself, but as the crew gathered around, he felt himself wilting under the weight of their worried stares. The medic checked his pulse and blood pressure, her face carefully neutral as she assessed his condition.

“I’m really okay,” Jensen said, forcing a small laugh that sounded shaky even to him. “Just a bit worn out. Didn’t mean to make a fuss.”

But Kim had seen enough. “That’s it. We’re done for today. Take the weekend, both of you. Come back Monday.”

Jared stayed with Jensen, ignoring his friend’s protests, until the medic gave the all-clear. As they left set together, Jensen could feel Jared’s curious gaze, a mixture of worry and frustration, boring into him.

“You know, we are in this together,” Jared said softly once they were out of earshot. He hesitated, then added, “If something’s going on, I’m here. Just… I’d rather know if you need help, okay?”

Jensen managed a nod, appreciating the sentiment even if he wasn’t ready to share the whole truth. But the day had been a wake-up call. If the symptoms kept up, or worsened, he’d have to consider telling Jared. And maybe, just maybe, that wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

Chapter Text

On Monday morning, Jared climbed into the car that usually picked up both him and Jensen for the set. He was surprised to find he was the only passenger. Normally, Jensen was the one who was ready and waiting, always better organized and somehow more awake than Jared at this hour. Just as he settled in, the driver started pulling away.

"Wait! What about Jensen?" Jared asked, twisting in his seat to see if he’d missed something.

The driver shrugged, keeping his eyes on the road. “I’m only picking up you today, Mr. Padalecki. Don’t know why. Just following the orders.”

Jared’s stomach churned with unease. He should have checked on Jensen over the weekend, he just assumed Jensen needed some rest after last week’s dizzy spell, but it didn’t seem like him to miss work without a word. Perhaps he had an earlier or later call that Jared didn’t know about.

As soon as he stepped out of the car, Jared began looking around for Jensen, hoping he’d somehow gotten there earlier. But his trailer was empty, as was the makeup chair that Jensen always took first. Frowning, Jared pulled out his phone and sent him a quick text: “Hey, where are you, man? Are you feeling any better?”

He tucked his phone away and settled into his makeup chair, trying to ignore the growing worry in his chest. The makeup artists looked as surprised as he was.

“Jensen’s not here?” one of them asked, brows raised.

“Not yet,” Jared mumbled, shrugging as if it didn’t bother him. “He’s probably running late.”

But he was starting to feel that familiar prickling of concern again. He’d brushed off Jensen’s strange behaviour for weeks now, but something didn’t add up. There didn’t seem to be a change to the schedule, and you really couldn’t just call out sick unless there was no other choice.

After makeup, Jared spotted Kim Manners, looking unusually flustered as he gave instructions to the crew. Jared saw his chance and hurried over.

“Kim! Hey, do you know where Jensen is?” he asked, hoping for some reassurance.

Kim sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Not coming in this morning, Jared. Look… just hang tight, okay? I need to shuffle around some scenes this morning. I am not sure if he is coming in at all. We’ll be filming your coverage without him.”

Jared opened his mouth to ask more, but Kim had already turned away, busy with a dozen other things. The pit in Jared’s stomach only deepened. Jensen still hadn’t replied to his text, and no one seemed to know what was going on.

The rest of the day dragged. Jared’s scenes felt off, lacking the usual banter and dynamic energy he shared with Jensen. They used a stand-in for Dean, but acting opposite a body double couldn’t replicate the chemistry he and Jensen had built. By the time they wrapped, Jared was exhausted, frustrated, and more than ready to check on his friend.

He reached Jensen’s door just after 8:00 p.m., knocking lightly at first, then louder when he heard no response. Finally, he caught the sound of shuffling, and a few moments later, the door creaked open.

Jensen stood there, looking pale and drawn, his skin tinged with a sickly hue. He was still in sweats, hair tousled and face slightly sunken, even thinner than Jared remembered.

“Man, you look terrible,” Jared blurted before he could stop himself.

Jensen gave a weak smile, attempting a joke. “Yeah, don’t order the room service,” he muttered.

Jared shifted uncomfortably, sensing that Jensen wasn’t planning to invite him in. The apartment behind him was dark, with just a dim glow from a bedside lamp casting faint shadows.

“So…you’re okay?” Jared asked, hesitant. He didn’t want to pry, but he needed to know for himself that Jensen was alright.

“Yeah, yeah. Just something I ate,” Jensen said, brushing it off with a forced grin. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

Jared nodded slowly, not quite believing him but deciding to drop it for now. “Alright, well, take it easy, okay? See you in the morning.”

He lingered for a second longer, hoping Jensen might open up, but his friend simply gave him a small nod and closed the door. Walking back to his own room, Jared couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to this than Jensen was letting on. Food poisoning could hit hard, but it rarely kept someone offset for an entire day. And Jensen didn’t look like someone who’d just had a bad meal. He looked…sick.

Lying in bed that night, Jared’s mind kept replaying the scenes from the last few weeks. He thought back to the dizzy spell Jensen had had on set, the way he’d been pushing food around his plate, not eating much at all, even his tendency to brush off any concerns. It all felt wrong. Maybe he’d been ignoring his gut for too long.

Chapter Text

Jensen awoke in the morning feeling wrung out. His body was sore, and every movement felt like he was dragging himself through mud. The seizure last night had shaken him to his core; it hadn’t just been the physical toll but the jarring reminder of how fragile his control really was.

The fear of slipping back to where he’d been, with relentless seizures derailing his life, lurked at the edges of his thoughts. His last major episode had been more than two years ago, and he’d almost convinced himself he was past it. But last night was a reminder he wasn’t.

Jensen glanced at his phone, seeing the messages he’d sent around 3:30 a.m. to Eric and Kim. He had texted them to let them know he wouldn’t make it to set that morning, then turned off his alarm to allow himself some much-needed rest. Now, however, he realized he wouldn’t make it today, and sent Kim another message to let him know. His heart ached at letting everyone down.

By the time he managed to get up and shuffle to the bathroom, he was groggy and shaky. He needed a shower, desperately. Slumping down on the shower floor as hot water washed over him, Jensen thought about the implications of this episode. He’d have to call housekeeping to change the sheets, which felt embarrassing, and he’d need to make an appointment with his neurologist in Vancouver. The automatic loss of his driver’s licence stung too. Plus, as much as he hated it, he had to call his mom. She’d worry, of course, but she’d also be the first to call him out if he didn’t tell her.

He clearly needed to listen to his body and get the needed rest. His previous shows had larger ensembles, giving each actor time to rest and reset between storylines, but here it was just him and Jared, week after week, with barely a break in between. Supernatural was proving to be a test of his endurance, a test he was clearly failing.

After showering, Jensen called room service to clean up and bring him a light breakfast. He knew he needed to eat, though his appetite was thin, and by the time he finished, it was almost midday. With reluctance, he called the neurologist’s office and managed to secure an appointment for Friday afternoon. The thought of taking more time off work churned his stomach; they had a tight schedule, and every delay would fall on someone else’s shoulders.

Steeling himself, he called his mom. Predictably, she was beside herself with worry, bombarding him with questions and insisting on coming up to Vancouver, which he gently but firmly talked her out of. He assured her he was fine, that the seizure had been minor and manageable. Still, she wouldn’t let up on her insistence that he tell Jared.

“Jensen, he’s practically your roommate up there,” she said, her tone bordering on exasperation. “If anything happened, he’d be the one closest to help. And I want you to get an alert bracelet, too, something to let people know in case—”

“Mom, I know, I know,” he cut in, feeling his frustration bubble. He softened his tone. “I’ll talk to him, alright? And I’ll get the bracelet. Just...don’t worry so much.”

But as he hung up, her words lingered. Telling Jared wasn’t something he wanted to do. How could he explain this part of himself without inviting a whole new level of scrutiny? Jared was his friend, but their friendship was still new, Jensen didn’t want to weigh it down with his issues, plus Jared might be angry at him, or maybe he’d be like the others and think Jensen was a freak. Still, his mom had a point—living alone had its risks.

The afternoon slipped by in a haze. Exhausted, Jensen fell asleep on the couch, only waking when a series of texts vibrated his phone. One was from Jared, checking in again, and Jensen sighed, feeling guilty for having ignored him. He fired off a quick reply: “I’m good, man. Just had a rough night. Thanks for covering for me today—sorry to leave you with all the work. Back tomorrow.”

He also texted Kripke and Kim to assure them he’d be back on set in the morning. But as he lay there in the fading light, he couldn’t shake the dread building inside him. He ordered room service again, managing to eat a little before heading to bed just after 7 p.m.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Around 8 p.m., he was startled awake by a loud knocking on his door. Disoriented and still half-asleep, Jensen shuffled to the door, rubbing his eyes. He was momentarily surprised to see Jared standing there, looking a little out of breath.

“Man, you look terrible,” Jared blurted, worry etched on his face.

Jensen gave a weak smile. “Yeah, don’t order the room service,” he muttered.

Jared lingered in the doorway, glancing past him into the darkened room. For a moment, Jensen could see the doubt in his friend’s eyes. But he was too tired to explain himself, let alone unravel all the complications of his health.

“So…you’re okay?” Jared asked, hesitant.

“Yeah, yeah. Just something I ate, I’ll be back tomorrow.” Jensen said, trying to look more awake than he felt.

Jared nodded slowly. “Alright, well, take it easy, okay? See you in the morning.”

Jensen forced a small smile, nod and shut the door, feeling a pang of guilt. It was clear Jared hadn’t believed his excuse. Jensen could see the worry etched on Jared’s face, and he knew the situation was growing harder to hide. For the first time, Jensen found himself wondering if maybe, just maybe, it would be worth sharing this secret. As he climbed back into bed, he thought about what he might say, but the words remained tangled in his mind as sleep finally claimed him.

Chapter Text

Jensen felt a wave of relief as he woke up the next morning, feeling marginally stronger and clearer-headed than he had in days. While not quite himself, he was well enough to push through the morning routine and, as usual, he beat Jared to the car, exchanging greetings with the driver as he settled in.

When Jared finally slid into the seat beside him, he brightened immediately. “You’re looking better, man,” he said, smiling. “Glad to see you back in one piece. Yesterday sucked without you, but we got through it.” Jensen smiled, listening as Jared recounted a few of the previous day’s antics on set, the easy banter easing some of his lingering tension.

Once they arrived on set, though, Jensen’s reprieve was short-lived. Kim Manners pulled him aside almost immediately, his expression both concerned and direct. “You doing okay?” he asked, voice laced with a mix of curiosity and worry.

“Yeah, feeling better, thanks,” Jensen replied, trying to sound confident.

Kim nodded, but then his tone grew serious. “Listen, yesterday was a grind for Jared—he had a heavy load covering scenes without you. Today’s schedule is pretty straightforward, but the rest of the week is another story. You’ve got even less downtime than usual since we’re catching you up. I’ll be honest, it’s a tight schedule, but we’ll make it work.”

Jensen’s heart sank. With the appointment he’d scheduled for Friday, he wasn’t sure how to fit it all in. “Actually, I need some time on Friday afternoon to meet with my neurologist,” he said, his voice low, hoping Kim would understand.

Kim sighed, glancing at the schedule again. “Alright, we’ll work something out. But you’re right; you need to get this sorted. Otherwise, we’ll just keep hitting delays, and that’s going to take a toll on you and the show.”

As he walked to his trailer, a few crew members ribbed him about his “sick day,” but their teasing was good-natured. When he put on Dean’s clothes, Jensen noticed his jeans felt loose, a stark reminder that his weight was fluctuating. Maintaining consistency for Dean was crucial, and he internally scolded himself. Normally, his medication made it hard to lose weight, so if he was dropping pounds, he hadn’t been eating enough.

By Wednesday, the pace had become relentless. The hours blurred together as he filmed scene after scene, barely stopping to catch his breath. During a quick break, he managed to find Kripke, taking the opportunity to bring up his concerns. “I might need some adjustments in the schedule,” he admitted, hesitating before continuing. “I hate to ask, but I’ve got to do something if I want to keep going strong here.”

Kripke nodded thoughtfully. “I’ll see what I can do,” he replied. “I might be able to batch more of Jared’s scenes together so you can have blocks of downtime. It’s tricky with our setup, but I’ll see what I can work into the next episodes. Scarecrow’s already got some gaps where you’re separated—those could give you a bit of a breather.”

Jensen appreciated the compromise but couldn’t ignore the unspoken implication that Jared might notice him getting more breaks. “Just talk to Jared about it,” Kripke added, almost as if reading Jensen’s thoughts. “If he’s in the loop, it won’t look like anything odd’s going on.”

But by Thursday, exhaustion had caught up with him again. Jared was off filming another scene, leaving Jensen to work his own coverage with a stand-in. Kim called “cut” several times, clearly growing frustrated, and each interruption stung a little more. Jensen felt himself struggling, his lines slipping, his focus dull. After the fourth cut, Kim approached him.

“Jensen, what’s going on, Dean’s not supposed to stutter through his lines,” he said, clearly frustrated.

But when he looked closer at Jensen, his face softened, as if realizing something. Jensen’s blank stare must have given it away. Kim’s expression changed. “Oh,” he said quietly, piecing it together. “You’re...this is one of those absence seizures, isn’t it?” His voice was careful, but Jensen could feel the scrutiny beneath it.

Jensen’s stomach twisted. The onset of panic was immediate; his breathing became shallow, and his hands felt clammy. Kim, noticing his distress, quickly called for a fifteen-minute break, watching Jensen with an expression that was part sympathy, part resolve.

Jensen barely acknowledged him, his mind spinning with embarrassment and dread. He hadn’t realised it was happening, he didn’t want to have seizures on set, and if he was having absence seizures, it may mean that Sunday nights wasn’t an anomaly.  If Kim could see them, that meant others would too, and once that door was open, there’d be no closing it. His career was so intertwined with keeping it together, maintaining control. But now, control seemed a luxury he didn’t have.

As Jensen walked back to his trailer, he noticed the second assistant director trailing behind him, obviously keeping a watchful eye. He felt exposed, his vulnerability suddenly visible to the world. It was only a matter of time before everyone on set would know.

Chapter Text

Jensen felt his pulse steady as he got ready to go back to set. Kim had been discreet, keeping Jensen’s episode low-profile. Tomorrow, his doctor would know what was going on. It was just a series of absence seizures; he reminded himself he’d gotten through plenty of those before. He could manage this.

As he left his trailer, Jensen ran straight into Jared, who immediately filled him in on yet another schedule change. “Looks like we’re filming together this afternoon, and you have a half day tomorrow,” Jared said, eyeing Jensen with curiosity. Jensen offered a casual nod but kept his explanation to himself, sidestepping Jared’s lingering questions.

The rest of the afternoon flowed smoothly—at first. Jensen managed to power through his solo scenes, and then it was time to shoot a few scenes with Jared. Kim had planned to capture a long, intense sequence between Sam and Dean, requiring multiple takes from various angles. Jensen nailed the first few takes, pouring Dean’s frustration and weariness into every line, every expression. He felt Jared’s gaze on him, as if his co-star were slipping out of character just to watch. By the fourth take, though, Jensen felt his focus blur; a second of disconnect passed, his train of thought momentarily derailing.

Jared noticed, shooting him a curious look, but they pushed through to the next take. Things went smoothly again until the sixth take. This time, Jensen’s mind blanked longer, the fog settling deeper. He struggled to force his lines through it, feeling the weight of Jared’s concern and the subtle frustration building on set. Kim called for a ten-minute break to adjust the lighting.

As Jensen stepped away, he caught the faint disappointment in Jared’s gaze and felt his confidence crumble. His head throbbed, his vision blurred, and something unfamiliar—an odd, burnt smell—seemed to linger in the air. Jensen shook his head, trying to steady himself, but the fog only thickened.

Jared watched Jensen move off, noting how he seemed to fold inward, almost like he was trying to disappear. This wasn’t the Jensen he knew, the confident, driven guy he’d grown to admire. It was becoming clearer to Jared that something was very wrong.

Then, suddenly, Jensen stopped and a low groan escaped his lips before his body buckled and he collapsed onto the floor with a loud thud. For a moment, Jared was paralysed by shock. He heard Kim’s voice break the stunned silence, shouting for a medic and calling for a closed set. But Jared barely registered the words. All he could see was Jensen, lying motionless, body beginning to seize.

“Clear the area! Now!” Kim barked, snapping Jared out of his daze. Jared rushed over, heart hammering as he knelt beside Jensen. He was no longer the energetic co-star but a friend desperate to understand what was happening.

Kim crouched down, glancing at his watch. “Move anything sharp out of his way. We need to protect his head.”

Jared did as instructed, hands shaking as he gathered stray props and cables, making sure nothing was within reach. Watching Jensen’s body jerk and convulse was terrifying. Every twitch looked painful, and his breaths came in uneven, strained gasps, almost like he was choking.

“He’s not breathing right—Kim, I don’t think he’s breathing right!” Jared’s voice cracked with fear as he looked at Kim, who was still watching the seconds tick by.

“It’s only been a minute, Jared,” Kim said quietly, though his voice held a tension Jared had never heard before. “If it hits five, we’ll call for an ambulance.”

Jared glanced down, horrified by the minutes stretching into what felt like hours. He could feel Jensen’s struggle, his body’s violent thrashing, the horrid gurgling sounds that made his skin crawl. When he saw Jensen’s lips tinged blue, he looked desperately at Kim, silently pleading for some sign of reassurance.

As Kim’s watch hit the two-minute mark, Jensen’s body slumped, just for a moment, then continued seizing. Jared could feel his own pulse racing in helpless empathy, each second dragging painfully forward. Once Jensen’s muscles finally started to relax, Jared noticed a dark stain on his jeans. Without thinking, he took off his own Sam jacket, draping it over Jensen’s lap to preserve a shred of his dignity.

Finally, after three agonizing minutes, Jensen’s body stilled, a deep, rattling breath following the last jerking spasm. Jared held his own breath as Jensen’s eyes began to open, unfocused and hazy. He looked lost, disoriented, searching for something to ground him.

“Jensen?” Jared whispered, his voice soft as he reached for his friend’s hand, squeezing gently. Jensen’s gaze drifted toward him, still glassy and bewildered, his movements sluggish and shaky.

Kim directed Jared to help shift Jensen into the recovery position. As they carefully turned him, Jared noticed the small cut on Jensen’s jaw and the start of a bruise forming, he’d hit his face during the seizure. Jared’s heart clenched at the sight, his hand moving instinctively to Jensen’s shoulder, keeping him steady.

“Hey, you’re okay,” Jared murmured, hoping his words could reach Jensen through the haze. “I’m right here. You’re okay.”

Jensen managed a weak, faint smile before his eyelids drooped shut. The crew lingered nearby, unsure what to do, their hushed murmurs filling the silence left in the wake of Jensen’s collapse.

Kim looked at Jared, his usual stern face softened with unspoken concern. “We’ll get him to the medic’s tent, but he’s going to need rest,” he said quietly. Jared nodded, instinctively placing a protective hand on Jensen’s shoulder as if anchoring him to reality.

As they arranged for Jensen to be carefully moved, Jared felt a fierce resolve well up within him. Whatever Jensen was going through, he wouldn’t face it alone.

Chapter Text

The medics moved Jensen into his trailer with a practiced calm, and Jared followed closely behind, tense with worry. They medics whispered about whether to change Jensen into something clean, but settled on just removing his wet jeans and shirt, covering him with a blanket. Jared knew how embarrassed Jensen would be when he woke up, and the idea twisted his stomach.

As the medics left, Jared sank into the armchair opposite the couch where Jensen lay, unable to tear his gaze away from his friend’s face. The ashen colouring still visible on Jensen’s face, contrasting with his makeup. A wave of helplessness washed over him; he had never felt so useless, watching someone he cared about suffer and being unable to do a thing about it.

Sitting there in the quiet, Jared let his mind turn over everything he knew, or thought he knew, about Jensen. Not including the pilot, they’d worked side by side for roughly twelve weeks now, shared laughter, late-night conversations, even a road trip, and Jared thought he’d come to understand the kind of person Jensen was. But Jensen hadn’t told him about this, whatever this was. Jared felt sadness, mixed with anger, simmer beneath the surface. Why wouldn’t Jensen tell him, they were friends weren’t they? Did Jensen not trust him, or did he think Jared would think less of him?

He thought back over the past few weeks, noting every time Jensen had seemed off, the moments of fatigue, the blank looks, the withdrawn silences. Had Jensen been going through this alone the entire time? Just the thought of Jensen experiencing more of these seizures, maybe on his own, chilled Jared to his core. Jensen was proud and private, but to Jared, that seemed like a dangerous combination. And if Jensen wouldn’t share this on his own, then… well, maybe Jared would just have to be more present, closer, whether Jensen wanted it or not.

A faint groan broke through Jared’s thoughts. Jensen stirred, his head lolling to the side as his eyes cracked open, brows knitting together as he took in his surroundings.

“Hey,” Jared said softly, scooting to the edge of his chair. Relief washed over him as Jensen’s gaze found him, even though his friend’s face was etched with confusion and discomfort.

“Jared?” Jensen’s voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper, his hand lifting to rub his temple as if the act might somehow ease the ache coursing through him. Slowly, awareness dawned in his eyes, the confusion giving way to the horror of realization. He looked away quickly, swallowing hard, but Jared caught the flicker of shame in his expression.

“I…” Jensen started, but his voice cracked, the words lost. His face reddened as his gaze dipped to the blanket covering him, an unspoken understanding of what had happened settling between them. He clenched his fists, pressing them hard into his lap as if trying to ground himself.

“It’s okay,” Jared said quietly. “You don’t need to explain anything. Just… don’t freak out, alright?”

Jensen’s mouth twisted in a self-deprecating smirk, but there was no humour in his eyes. He looked away, trying to suppress the tremor in his hands as he pulled the blanket closer. “Yeah, sure,” he said, his voice barely steady. “No reason to freak out.”

Jared’s brow furrowed, a pang of hurt mixing with his worry. “Jensen, you don’t have to do this alone. You don’t. Whatever that was, you can tell me. You should tell me.”

Jensen hesitated, his face clouding over. But instead of responding, he reached up, wincing as he touched his jaw, his face pinching in pain. “I… need some ice,” he muttered, his voice almost too low for Jared to hear. “And a shower.”

Jared nodded, moving toward the small fridge in the corner and grabbing some ice from the freezer. He wrapped it in a towel, passing it to Jensen, who pressed it to his mouth with a low, grateful sigh. Jensen shifted to sit up, the blanket slipping from his shoulders as he struggled to get his balance.

“Easy,” Jared said, reaching out instinctively. Jensen gave him a look, one that seemed to waver between annoyance and reluctant gratitude. Jared dropped his hand but stayed close, watching for any sign that Jensen might falter.

The minutes ticked by in silence, Jensen’s eyes unfocused, looking past Jared as though he were somewhere far away. His exhaustion was visible in every line on his face. When he finally spoke, his voice was softer, almost vulnerable.

“This… isn’t how I wanted you to find out.”

Jared’s shoulders relaxed, the tension easing ever so slightly. “Jensen, I don’t care how I found out. I just care that you’re okay. You don’t have to hide this, man. Whatever’s going on... Don’t shut me out.”

A flicker of uncertainty crossed Jensen’s face, and he looked down, fiddling with the edge of the blanket. “I didn’t want you to think…” He trailed off, struggling to find the words. Finally, he shook his head, his jaw clenching. “Look, I just wanted to handle it. On my own.”

Jared sighed, reaching forward again, this time putting a firm hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “You don’t need to handle everything by yourself, Jensen. Nobody’s expecting you to. I sure as hell don’t. And, yeah, I don’t know what this is like for you, but I know watching you go through it alone isn’t what friends do. Just… let me be here, alright?”

Jensen’s face softened, and he looked up, meeting Jared’s eyes with a small, tentative smile. “Thanks,” he said quietly. It was a single word, but it carried a weight, an acknowledgment of Jared’s support even if Jensen couldn’t quite say the words yet. He shifted, wincing again, his body clearly still protesting the trauma of the seizure.

Jared’s gaze remained steady, a silent promise. “Why don’t you rest? I’ll grab you some clean clothes, and if you need anything else, anything, I’m right here.”

Jensen nodded, slowly relaxing back onto the couch, his face betraying a hint of relief as he let his eyes drift shut. “Just… don’t let Kim send me home,” he mumbled, already drifting.

Jared smiled faintly, settling back into his chair. “I’ve got your back, man,” he whispered. And as he sat there, he made a silent vow: Jensen might keep his walls up, but Jared would find a way in. They would get through this, together.

Chapter Text

Jensen blinked awake slowly, a dull ache thudding in his body as he took in his surroundings. He felt… better, though the familiar soreness pulsed in his jaw and mouth. Running his fingers along the edge of his jaw, he winced, noticing a tender bruise. He wasn’t sure if he’d hit it during the seizure or when he fell, but it was a painful reminder of what had happened.

The trailer was quiet, and Jared was gone, giving him a moment of solitude. Jensen took a deep breath, steeling himself, and headed for the shower. The hot water felt like a balm, soothing his sore muscles, letting it wash over him as he tried to prepare himself for the questions that would inevitably come. He knew he’d have to face the fallout, especially with Jared. As much as he hated talking about it, he couldn’t dodge the questions this time.

Just as he finished dressing, Jensen heard the door open. Kim and Jared stepped in, their faces serious, each clearly waiting for him to explain.

Jensen’s stomach dropped, the dread creeping up on him. This project meant everything to him, playing Dean, working with this crew, and the friendship that had been growing between him and Jared. In just a few months, Supernatural had come to mean the world to him. He wasn’t ready to lose it all now, not after coming this far.

Kim spoke up first, a gentle but firm tone in his voice. “Jensen, we talked with Kripke. He’s said you’re off filming until you see your doctor and get the all-clear.” Jensen’s heart sank, but before he could protest, Kim continued, “Don’t panic; we’re not firing you. You are Dean, we just need to make sure you’re okay. We’re all invested in you being here, healthy and safe.”

Jensen felt a flicker of relief, but anxiety still clawed at him. He looked down, struggling with what to say, as Jared stepped closer, his face full of concern.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Jensen?” Jared’s voice was soft, tinged with hurt. “I thought… I thought we were friends, that we were closer than this.”

Jensen’s throat tightened, guilt pooling in his chest. “I… I didn’t know how to tell you, man. I didn’t want you, or anyone, to see me as… as a freak.”

“You’re not a freak, Jensen,” Jared said quickly, his eyes earnest. “I just wish you’d trusted me.”

Jensen sighed, nodding slowly. “I’ve lost friends over this before. People who didn’t understand. It just… it makes things complicated, and I didn’t want to risk messing things up here.”

Seeing the sincerity on their faces, Jensen took a shaky breath and started to tell them everything.

“It started when I was seventeen,” he began quietly, his voice tinged with memories of long-buried pain. “My family and I were on a vacation, and I fell off a horse. At first, we didn’t think much of it, but after that, things started changing. I’d space out, people thought I was just daydreaming. And then, one day, I had a big seizure at school—in the bathroom. Woke up in the hospital. Diagnosed.”

Jared and Kim listened intently, their expressions a mix of empathy and surprise. Jensen glanced down, gathering himself before continuing.

“Once I got on meds, I thought I had it under control. Moved to L.A., started working, and I made it a point not to let the seizures define me. My closest friends, Steve and Chris… they knew. They didn’t treat me any different. But on Dark Angel, things were different. Jessica Alba… she made it clear I wasn’t welcome.” He swallowed hard, the memory still bitter. “I never told her, but she somehow… she figured it out. She treated me like I was a liability, an outcast. It was… it was a rough time.”

Kim’s face softened, nodding as he listened. “That must’ve been tough. I’m sorry you went through that.”

Jensen shrugged, trying to shake off the old wounds. “After that, I wanted to feel normal, you know? So, I stopped being so strict with myself. I figured I could live a little, go out more, have a drink here, a coffee there, stop being so careful.” He paused, his jaw tensing as he remembered the worst of it. “Um… Steve found me… on the floor, unresponsive. I don’t know how long I was there, but it took weeks to get back on track.”

Jared’s face twisted with concern, but Jensen forced himself to continue. “It was bad. Really bad. My mom even had to stay with me, just to make sure I’d be safe. For a while, I thought my career was over. But we finally got the meds sorted out, and I moved on. I hadn’t had another seizure… until last weekend.” He looked up at them, his voice barely above a whisper. “I think it’s the schedule. I want this job more than anything, but it’s… it’s pushing my limits.”

Silence filled the room as Kim and Jared processed his words. After a long pause, Jared reached over, placing a reassuring hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “Jensen, you’re not a freak. You’re one of the best people I know. And I’m glad—no, I’m grateful—to have you as my friend.”

Kim nodded in agreement. “We want you as Dean, Jensen. But we need to keep you healthy. We’ll work with Kripke and the team to see what we can do with the schedule.”

A weight lifted from Jensen’s chest, their support slowly easing the fear he’d been carrying. Jensen’s gaze flickered to Jared, who gave him a small, encouraging nod. He forced a smile, trying to bury his doubts, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that things were only going to get harder from here.

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Jensen settled in to watch Jared, he didn’t feel like going home now. Every time Jensen thought about the disruption he’d caused today, a wave of anxiety churned in his stomach. It wasn’t ideal, but at least filming was moving forward without him for the moment. Still, he couldn’t help but feel the weight of it all. They hadn’t even made it through half of the first season, and already he was holding up production.

He took a deep breath and pulled out his phone to call his parents. When his mom answered, her warm voice wrapped around him like a blanket. Jensen tried to reassure her, explaining the tonic-clonic seizure on set and his absences. But she could tell, even over the phone, that his words were hiding the strain he was feeling. Without hesitation, she insisted she’d be there by morning.

When Jared finished, he headed over to Jensen. "Come on, man. We’re heading back to the hotel. I’m crashing on your couch tonight.”

Jensen tried to hide his annoyance, the last thing he needed was to be babysat, but he was also touched by his friend's thoughtfulness. They grabbed pizza and settled in to watch a movie, both exhausted from the day. Jensen found himself drinking his water carefully, more aware than ever about keeping his bladder empty, just in case.

As the night wound down, Jared pulled out the couch and made it up with sheets, insisting it would do just fine for the night. Jensen went to grab some extra blankets, but as he opened the cupboard, the first warning signs hit him, lights pulsing around the edge of his vision, a vague feeling of slipping out of his body. He barely had time to process it, calling out to Jared as he quickly lay down.

Jared heard Jensen’s call and went to see what was up, he was not expecting what he walked into. Jensen lay there, unresponsive, his eyes staring blankly, breaths shallow. For a moment, Jared was stunned, but instinct kicked in, and he knelt beside his friend. Jensen wasn’t seizing yet, but he seemed trapped, as if his mind were locked somewhere Jared couldn’t reach. He grabbed a pillow to place under Jensen’s head, just as Jensen’s body jolted, muscles tensing and spasming in the familiar, harrowing pattern.

Jared’s heart raced as he watched, a sense of helplessness washing over him. He tried to remember Kim’s words: five minutes, that’s when to call for help. But was it five minutes of just the seizing? Or the whole episode? He glanced at his watch, the seconds dragging on as Jensen’s body jerked, each movement making Jared’s heartache.

Two minutes and forty-seven seconds passed before Jensen’s body stilled. Jared moved him into the recovery position and waited.

Slowly, Jensen's eyes fluttered open, as if the simple act of focusing took every ounce of strength he had. Jared leaned into his line of sight, his voice soft and steady.

“It’s okay, Jensen. You’re safe. I’m here.”

Jensen looked at him, his eyes dazed and exhausted. “Hurts…” he slurred, barely audible. Jared leaned closer, feeling his friend’s vulnerability like a weight on his chest.

“What hurts?” he asked, but Jensen’s gaze drifted, his eyes closing as he murmured, “Tired…”

Jared rubbed his friend’s shoulder, swallowing hard against the emotion welling in his throat. “Just sleep, buddy. I’ve got you.”

With Jensen drifting into sleep, Jared stayed by his side, holding his hand, his heart breaking for his friend. His day had not gone as he expected, he never thought he’d be here tonight, sitting on the floor of Jensen’s room, keeping watch over his friend. But seeing Jensen’s struggle firsthand had shifted something within him. It wasn’t just sympathy; it was an ache, a fierce protectiveness he hadn’t known he was capable of.

The silence of the room enveloped them, and Jared realized he was no longer simply a friend and coworker. Jensen’s vulnerability had opened up a new dimension in their bond. No matter what happened next, Jared knew he’d stand by Jensen’s side through whatever challenges lay ahead, helping him carry the burden he’d so long tried to bear alone.

Chapter Text

Jared woke to the surprising scent of coffee and bacon. Blinking awake, he saw Jensen in the kitchen, carefully flipping strips of bacon. Jared realized this was Jensen’s way of saying thank you. He noticed Jensen wasn’t drinking any coffee himself, just sipping water, and looked slightly pale, like he was holding himself together.

“You sure you’re good?” Jared asked, his voice laced with concern.

Jensen smiled, brushing off the worry. “I’m fine. Slept well, didn’t hurt myself last night. But coffee…not risking it today. My mom will be here soon, so don’t worry.”

Once breakfast was finished and the dishes were put away, Jared headed to his room to shower, unable to ignore the realization that Jensen wouldn’t be driving himself around anymore. Given his seizures, having drivers as part of their contract was now a blessing in disguise.

After Jared left, Jensen tidied the apartment, waiting for his mom to arrive. Guilt bubbled up as he thought of her dropping everything to be there. She’d flown into Seattle late last night, staying in a hotel to catch an early flight into Vancouver this morning.

When she arrived, he wrapped her in a warm hug, taking comfort in the familiar scent of her perfume. Seeing the worry etched on Jensen’s face, his mom rubbed his back. “We’ve gotten through this before, sweetheart,” she said. “You’re strong, you’ll get through this.”

She fussed over him, tidying little things and insisting he eat something, and though it was mildly irritating, he loved it. Her presence reminded him he had a support system, one that went far beyond his job or the role of Dean Winchester.

While Jensen spent the morning with his mom, he received a few texts from Jared, checking in and telling him how much he was missed. Apparently, his episode hadn’t spread around set and Jared had even managed to deflect questions from the crew, playing up Jensen’s absence as “a little family time.” It was comforting to know his friend and the crew had his back, even if they didn’t know all the details.

At his doctor’s appointment, Jensen hoped for a clear answer, but she could only offer reassurances and schedule more tests for Wednesday. His seizure-free years had been shattered, and he was left to reflect on whether stress, sleep, or even small lapses in medication timing had contributed. Her advice was simple but serious: take breaks, listen to his body, eat well. His doctor cleared him for work but reminded him to prioritize his health.

As they left the office, Jensen texted Kim with the news and requested Wednesday afternoon off for the tests. Kim’s response was swift: "Expect a car at 5am tomorrow." Jensen felt a small sense of relief—he was going back to work, at least for now.

Meanwhile, on set, Jared threw himself into the day’s scenes, though without Jensen there, it felt strangely empty. The hours dragged on, and Jared kept the energy up, cracking jokes about Jensen being a flake, but his stomach was in knots. Yesterday’s episodes were playing on a loop in his mind—the helplessness, the look of pain on Jensen’s face, how completely disoriented he’d been. Jared didn’t know how the show could carry on if Jensen’s health kept putting him at risk.

Kim, busy at his station, occasionally glanced over at Jared, his expression unreadable but just as concerned. Jared knew he was struggling with the same worry. Delays were expensive, and the network wasn’t known for its patience. Jared felt a pang of guilt; he knew this worry was the very reason Jensen had kept his condition hidden, even from him. He didn’t want to be treated differently or pitied. But now that he’d seen it firsthand, Jared couldn’t help it—he cared too much for his friend to stand by and pretend everything was okay.

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Jensen’s alarm buzzed at 4:30 a.m., pulling him from sleep. He silenced it quickly, trying to shake the grogginess, smiling as he glanced at the pull-out couch. Last night, he and his mom had argued in the way only they could, both stubborn but neither really upset. He’d insisted she take his bed while he crashed on the couch, there was no way he was going to let her sleep on a pull-out. He knew she’d never settle for another hotel room, either; she wanted to be nearby, to keep an eye on him.

The previous evening had been a mix of nostalgia and laughs. After his doctor’s appointment, he and his mom had gone to the store, laughing and chatting as they picked up groceries. As they cooked, they talked about everything, his growing bond with the crew, the joy he felt returning to Vancouver, his love for Supernatural, and his friendship with Jared. His mom updated him on family news, the neighbourhood gossip, and his dad’s latest project, teasing about the younger actors trying his dad’s patience.

The conversation was light, a refreshing distraction from the heaviness of the past few days. Jensen sensed his mom keeping things that way on purpose, knowing that he needed a break from his thoughts.

Donna had insisted on coming to set today, eager to see what had her son so excited. She’d seen him work on Dark Angel but missed out on Smallville and Supernatural seemed to make him happier than any project so far. Secretly, she wanted to meet Jared most of all, to see the friend who’d become so important to Jensen. She needed to know when she went home, that someone would be there to look out for her son.

As much as Donna wanted to be positive, memories of Jensen’s last serious health struggle haunted her. Back then, he’d spiralled into isolation, worn down by seizures that kept him disoriented, exhausted, and struggling to stay afloat. She knew he’d almost given up. The thought that this could spiral into something similar, especially if he lost his role or if Supernatural faced cancellation over delays, scared her more than she let on.

But today, Jensen was ready to work. His scenes went smoothly, and Dean fit like a second skin, familiar and comforting. The crew joked about his “special treatment,” getting a day off to visit with his mom, and even Kim offered a subtle nod of approval, though Jensen could tell by the way Kim’s gaze lingered a little longer than usual that he was keeping an eye out.

Jared arrived on set around ten, giving Jensen a massive hug that seemed to lift both of their spirits. “You look good, man,” Jared said, his voice genuine. Jensen could see the worry Jared tried to mask, but he appreciated that his friend was respecting his space.

When Donna arrived around lunchtime, she charmed everyone. Her smile and warmth drew people to her, and Jensen noticed how she greeted Jared with extra enthusiasm, thanking him for his help. At one point, Jensen caught them having a quiet conversation, his mom’s gaze softened but intent, and Jared nodding seriously. He chose not to interrupt, knowing his mom’s protective side was in full swing.

The rest of the day flowed easily, filled with laughter and a sense of normalcy. Jensen’s scenes went well, and the crew seemed relieved to see him back in action, their teasing giving him a sense of belonging he cherished. For the first time in days, Jensen allowed himself to relax, his heart lightened by the warmth of his friends and family.

Chapter Text

Sunday bled into another early morning on set, where Jensen tried not to dwell on his guilt about the crew working an extra day to help him catch up. Jared had the day off, so Jensen was able to film his solo scenes without anyone else noticing the strain beneath his focus. His mom kept herself occupied, exploring Vancouver a bit and giving him space to work.

Monday began with the same routine. Jensen and Jared worked through their scenes without a hitch, Kim looking pleased as they wrapped up the day. But as Jensen packed up, he caught sight of Kripke talking with Kim. He almost approached them until he heard the strained tone in Kripke's voice.

“Ratings are good, but these delays are killing our budget. I know we’re making up time, but we can’t afford to fall behind again. Kim, all eyes are on us right now. It’s still early in the season, and even with a second-half pickup, getting renewed for season two is far from certain. We can’t let Jensen’s situation sink this show.”

Jensen froze, his stomach sinking. He backed away quietly, making his way to the waiting car, his mind spinning. When Jared saw his expression, he immediately asked if he was okay.

“Yeah, just thinking about Dean’s fight with Sammy,” Jensen replied with a practiced smile, grateful for the cover of night. Jared seemed worn out from the day and accepted his answer, remaining quiet on the ride home.

At home, Donna greeted him with a warm meal, cheerfully recounting her day’s adventures. She saw his distraction, her voice softening as she asked if he was alright. He forced a smile and assured her he was just tired, thoughts from work lingering. Satisfied, she didn’t press him further, turning in early for the night.

But Jensen’s thoughts churned relentlessly. His mind replayed Kripke’s words over and over, twisting into a painful knot of guilt. If Supernatural faltered, it would be his fault. The weight of the show’s future felt like a crushing burden. By the time he drifted off, it was nearly 3:30 a.m.

A sudden ringtone jolted him awake. Squinting at the clock, he felt a sickening rush of panic, it was 5:23 a.m., and the car was supposed to pick him up at 5.a.m. He scrambled to check his phone, missed calls and texts from Jared and Kim flooded his screen. He texted back apologies, breathlessly called a cab, and rushed down. By the time he arrived on set, it was nearly 6.a.m, and though Kim and Jared seemed forgiving, Jensen could feel the tension in the air.

With Jensen whisked straight to makeup, then onto set, Jensen’s anxiety simmered. He barely had a moment to catch his breath, there was absolutely no time to grab his coffee or eat. During the mid-morning break, as he finally stepped into his trailer, the realization hit him like a punch—he hadn’t taken his Tegretol. Or eaten. He couldn’t even remember if he’d taken his dose the night before.

Grabbing his pills, he drank them down and tried to shake off the gnawing sense of dread, but the strain of the morning was relentless. Jared’s worried glances weren’t helping, and Jensen snapped at him, insisting he was fine. But as the day dragged on, Jensen grew increasingly unfocused. Twice, Jared noticed him zoning out mid-scene, and Kim eventually called a thirty-minute lunch break, sending Jensen back to his trailer.

The second he shut the door, Jensen sank onto the small couch, eyes closed, forcing himself to breathe. But his heart was racing, his body ached with fatigue, and the dark thoughts of failure and letting everyone down circled endlessly. He barely heard the knock when the break was over.

When Jensen got back on set, Jared tried again, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” Jensen snapped, irritation lacing his voice. Jared flinched slightly but didn’t press further.

Determined to push through, he plastered on his “Dean” mask and got through the first few takes. But as he delivered his lines, something shifted. He stopped mid-sentence, the set fading as he felt an all-too-familiar fog envelop him. Dazed, he sank to the floor, aware only that Jared’s voice called out to him before everything went dark.

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Jared had been uneasy all morning. Jensen's late arrival, completely out of character, was just the beginning. When he did arrive, he looked a mess: hair dishevelled, shadows under his eyes, and a tension in his shoulders that practically screamed he was barely holding it together. Jared had tried to check in, asking him twice if he was okay, but the snap of Jensen’s “I’m fine!” was sharp enough to sting. Jared didn’t think Jensen had ever spoken to him like that before, and the look in his co-star’s eyes, stressed, distracted, and almost panicked, only deepened his concern. 

As the day dragged on, Jared couldn’t stop watching him. Jensen was throwing himself into every take with a determination that felt a little too desperate, like he was trying to outrun something. His hands trembled faintly when he thought no one was looking, and every so often, his gaze would flicker to nothing, like he was momentarily lost in thought, or struggling to keep his focus. Jared’s worry grew with each passing minute. 

When they resumed filming, Jensen once again buried himself in Dean’s lines. But halfway through a scene, he stopped mid-sentence, his expression shifting from confusion to alarm. Jared’s stomach dropped as Jensen stumbled back a step before sitting down hard on the floor. 

“Jensen?” Jared called, his voice rising in alarm as he took a step forward. Jensen didn’t respond, his eyes going blank. Jared’s heart pounded as he dropped to his knees beside him, grabbing a pillow from the motel room set and gently sliding it under Jensen’s head. “Hey, hey… come on, man, you’re okay,” he said, though the tightness in his chest betrayed his own fear.

Seconds later, Jensen began to seize, his body thrashing violently. Kim called out, "I’m timing!" Jared was barely holding back the rising terror as he watched his friend struggle.

Kim’s voice cut through the silence, calling out the time, “We’re at three minutes.”

Jensen was still seizing, and the seconds dragged on until, not long after “four minutes”, he stilled. Jared exhaled, relief washing over him, though he noticed Jensen wasn’t regaining consciousness like usual. With shaking hands, he pulled out his phone to text Donna to see if that was normal.

Suddenly, Jensen’s body stiffened again, the seizure starting afresh. Kim’s voice echoed across the set, “Call 911, now. This isn’t normal!”

Jared fumbled with his phone, calling for help as Jensen’s breathing grew ragged, his lips tinged blue. The paramedics arrived just after the eight-minute mark, they quickly administered medication, bringing the seizure to a halt just as Jensen vomited, his body slackening as they wiped his face and secured an oxygen mask. They carefully moved him onto a stretcher, and out into the ambulance, lights and sirens blazing as it sped away.

Jared stood frozen, his heart pounding with the memory of Jensen’s lifeless face. Jared glanced down, his phone was still in hand, a half-written message to Donna. His eyes met Kim’s, both men’s faces etched with helpless worry.

Chapter Text

Donna's phone rang in the middle of preparing dinner, the frantic voice on the other end barely comprehensible. It was Jared, his voice shaking with panic, words tumbling over each other. Her stomach plummeted, it took a few moments for her to grasp what he was saying.

“Two seizures... back to back... paramedics had to stop the second...”

Her heart stopped. That was not what she wanted to hear. It wasn’t what Jensen needed. But she forced herself to remain calm, to be strong in this moment when Jared was falling apart.

“Jared, listen to me,” Donna said, her voice steady but warm, “Jensen has been through worse. He’s strong. He will be fine. I’ll call his specialist and head to the hospital. Just hold tight, okay?”

Jared didn’t respond, but she could hear the shaking breath on the other end of the line. He was clearly trying to hold it together. She could hear it in the silence.

“Jared, it’s going to be okay,” she repeated. “I’m on my way.”

She hung up and immediately called Jensen’s doctor, arranging for them to meet at the hospital. The wait would be agonizing, but there was nothing she could do but wait, and make sure the specialist knew to look after her son.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jared was already pacing the hospital waiting room when Donna arrived. He felt like he hadn’t slept in days, his movements jerky as he tried to keep the panic at bay. Jensen’s face haunted him, his body twisting violently, replayed in his mind like an endless loop.

His friend was unconscious.

Jared couldn’t breathe properly, his chest tight with dread. It wasn’t just a colleague or co-star on the floor, this was someone so close to him in just a few months that Jared had started to think of him as family. Jensen had become one of his best friends, someone he could rely on, and he couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. Jensen was smart, funny, talented, and so damn kind. The thought of him lying in that hospital bed, unconscious, was unbearable.

Donna squeezed Jared’s hand when she walked up to him, giving him a small, comforting smile before turning to speak to the doctor who had just emerged.

“We’re still running tests,” the doctor explained, his voice measured. “Jensen’s still unconscious. Which is not surprising, it’s fairly common after multiple seizures. He had another tonic-clonic shortly after arrival, that one stopped on its own. He has been given a light sedative with an anticonvulsant, we will monitor closely and he may wake soon or go through the night. Once he is moved to the ward a nurse will let you know, visiting hours finish at 10.p.m.”

It felt like hours before the nurse allowed them in to see him. Jensen was lying in a ward, a faint hum of medical equipment surrounding him. Oxygen was being supplied through tubes in his nose, and wires covered his head. He looked small, fragile in that sterile hospital bed.

Donna’s hand tightened on Jared’s briefly before she went over to Jensen, speaking to him softly. She ran her fingers through his hair, telling him he was going to be okay, that he just needed to rest. Watching her tender actions, Jared felt the dam of his own emotions breaking. He excused himself before the tears could spill over, rushing outside into the chilly Vancouver night. As he stepped into the dark, a raw sob escaped him, the weight of the day crashing down on him.

Once he regained control, he pulled his phone out, finding a message from Kim asking for an update. He typed back, telling him Jensen was still unconscious, and that there were no answers yet.

Jared’s fingers hovered over the screen, the temptation to call Sandy pulling at him. They hadn’t seen each other in weeks, and he missed her desperately. But in this moment, it wasn’t her he wanted. He hesitated, then dialled his mother’s number. He needed reassurance, a voice to calm him, to remind him everything would be okay.

He hadn’t realized just how much he needed her until she answered, her voice sleep-heavy but filled with warmth.

“Mom... I... I don’t know what to do,” Jared broke down as the words spilled out. “I just need him to wake up, Mom. He’s my friend, my best friend.”

His mother’s voice was soft, soothing. “Jared, it’s okay. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to feel like this. But you need to trust that Jensen is strong. You’ve seen him get through hard things before. He’s going to be okay. He will come through this.”

Jared sobbed harder. His mom knew how to calm the storm in his chest. “He’ll bounce back,” she assured him. “Just give it time.”

When he hung up, his heart felt a little lighter. Strengthened by her reassurance, he took a deep breath and started back toward the hospital entrance.

But his phone lit up again. Kripke’s name flashed on the screen.

“Jared,” Kripke said, his tone carefully neutral. “How’s Jensen?”

Jared filled him in, telling him everything he knew. Kripke was quiet for a moment before his voice became more measured.

"Jared, I need to ask, when do you think Jensen might be able to come back? If this takes longer… we’re already under pressure from the network." Kripke’s tone grew hesitant. "There’s talk about maybe, temporarily, writing Dean out. We could bring him back if we’re renewed, but…"

The words hit like a punch to the stomach. Jared’s heart pounded, a fierce protectiveness rising up inside him. The thought of Jensen being pushed aside, as if he were just a role to fill, was too much. His hands clenched into fists.

“No.” The word was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

His voice rose, sharp and furious. “If you fire Jensen, then I’m gone. I’m not doing this without him. Do you understand? I’ll walk.”

Jared hung up, breathing hard, his hands shaking. He hadn’t meant to explode like that, but he couldn’t let anyone think Jensen was replaceable, especially not now.

Straightening, Jared squared his shoulders. He needed to be in that hospital room. He needed to be there for Jensen, not hiding outside with his anger and fear. Jensen deserved to have someone standing guard, someone who cared. And that’s exactly what he intended to do.

Chapter Text

It was nearly 10 p.m., and visiting hours were about to end when Jensen’s eyes began to flutter open. Jared, slouched in the hard hospital chair, glanced anxiously at the clock, worried he wouldn’t see his friend awake before they were forced to leave for the night. Donna was at Jensen’s side, her voice soft and comforting, coaxing him back to consciousness.

“Come on, sweetheart,” she whispered, brushing a hand through his hair, her fingers gentle as she spoke. “It’s time to wake up. We’re right here.”

Jensen’s face twisted as he moaned, struggling to orient himself. His gaze was unfocused, eyes barely open. He moved his head slightly, his brow furrowing as he tried to make sense of where he was.

“Hurts…” he slurred, barely able to form the word. The syllables tumbled out, thick and mangled, but the pain in his voice was clear.

Donna gave him a soft smile, her heart aching at the vulnerability in his voice. She knew this part of waking up from a seizure well enough: the soreness, the residual tightness in his muscles, every part of him feeling like it had been pulled and twisted. “I know, honey. I know,” she whispered. “Just rest. We’re here with you.”

Jensen continued to shift restlessly, struggling to push through the haze, his eyes moving without focus, taking in bits and pieces of his surroundings. Jared watched, gripping the edge of his seat, as his friend’s face twisted in discomfort again, his lips moving soundlessly for a moment before he managed to speak.

“Hurts,” Jensen repeated, his voice barely audible, almost lost in the room’s quiet hum. The word still hung heavy in the air, and Jared’s heart clenched as he heard it.

Donna stroked his face, her fingers light against his cheek. “I know, baby,” she said, her voice gentle. “It’ll be okay. Just relax.”

Jensen let out a long, shaky sigh. His unfocused gaze found her face, and he slurred, “Tired…”

Donna gave a soft chuckle, though the worry never left her eyes. “I know, sweetheart,” she said softly. “You can go back to sleep. It’s okay.”

As Jensen’s eyes drifted shut, Jared’s heart tightened. He had expected Jensen to be a little more alert, to see some hint of the friend he knew underneath the exhaustion. It had been hours, and Jensen still seemed so far away. The last two times Jared had seen him after a seizure, he’d bounced back faster, regaining his energy and coherence within a few hours. But this time, he seemed almost fragile.

Donna took a deep breath, looking at her son with that familiar blend of love and worry. She didn’t stop stroking his hair, her fingers gliding through it as she watched him. After a moment, she pressed the nurse’s call button, and when they arrived, she explained that Jensen had briefly woken up, disoriented and in pain.

“Thank you for letting us know,” the nurse said softly. She adjusted Jensen’s IV line, administering a light sedative to keep him comfortable for the night and prevent any further seizures. “We’ll look to give him pain relief once he’s a little more alert.”

Donna nodded, watching as Jensen’s breathing steadied and he seemed to relax further, sinking back into a deep sleep. She kept her hand on Jensen’s forehead, rubbing gentle circles, her face softened but lined with worry. Jared could see the weight of it on her, the way she seemed to be holding herself together by sheer will. She turned to Jared, her face a mix of exhaustion and quiet determination.

“Come on, honey,” she murmured. “We should go home and get some sleep. He’s going to need us strong tomorrow.”

Jared hesitated, looking back at Jensen’s sleeping form, as if he’d somehow wake up and find his way back to himself in those next few seconds. But he knew Donna was right. He nodded, following her as she released his arm and moved towards Jensen.

Donna leaned over and gently kissed Jensen’s forehead. “I love you, sweetheart,” she whispered. “I’ll be back in the morning.”

Jared watched her, feeling a swell of emotion he could barely contain. Donna straightened, her expression resolute, and together they walked out of the room, leaving Jensen to rest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jared crawled into bed before midnight, his mind spinning. He pulled out his phone, 5:30 a.m. start. Every instinct screamed at him to call in sick, to be with Jensen tomorrow, to make sure he wasn’t alone if he woke up confused and afraid.

But his conversation with Kripke from earlier lingered in his mind. He couldn’t afford to test his patience any further. They needed Kripke on their side, and Jared wasn’t going to let him think for a moment that Jensen’s absence would make any part of the show work better. Jensen was integral, and Jared needed to show up, to fight for him.

Tomorrow, he’d go to set, get through the day, and keep Jensen’s place warm until he could return.

With a heavy sigh, Jared put his phone down, forcing himself to close his eyes. The exhaustion that had been lurking all day finally hit him, but even as sleep tugged at him, his mind wouldn’t quiet. Images of Jensen lying unconscious on the floor, his friend’s face twisted in pain, the sound of his laboured breathing—every moment replayed over and over.

Jared’s phone vibrated, jolting him awake. He glanced at the screen, it was just Kim, checking in with a quick message: “Any updates on Jensen?”

Jared typed a quick reply, explaining that Jensen had woken up briefly but wasn’t very coherent, and they were hoping he’d be more alert tomorrow. Kim’s response was brief, a simple, “Take care, and let us know if there’s anything we can do.”

Jared put the phone down, closing his eyes once more, but his thoughts kept spiralling. He had never felt this close to anyone on set before. They shared an unspoken bond, an understanding that had come so easily, as if they’d known each other for years. Jensen had quickly become one of his best friends, someone he could rely on.

Just as Jared was finally drifting off, his phone vibrated again. This time it was a message from Donna: Try to get some sleep. He’ll need us strong tomorrow, and I know he’s going to be alright. Thank you for being there with me tonight, Jared. We’re lucky to have you.

Her words brought a small measure of peace, and he managed to let his body sink deeper into the mattress. Finally, he closed his eyes, letting exhaustion settle over him like a blanket. Tomorrow, he would be there, not just for the show, but for Jensen—for whatever he needed.

Chapter Text

Jared’s alarm blared before dawn, cutting through the restless sleep he’d barely managed to get. With a groan, he forced himself up, rubbing his eyes and shaking off the lingering fatigue. He needed a plan.

As he got ready, he thought of San Antonio and checked the time—7:00 a.m. there. His sister, Megan, should be awake. Flicking her a quick message, he explained his situation and asked her to scour chat rooms, forums, anywhere fans gathered to talk about “Supernatural.” If there was anything out there about how crucial Dean was to the show, he needed to show Kripke proof that Jensen was integral.

Pulling on his jacket, Jared ran through other ideas, realizing a break could help. The team was scheduled for a mid-season two-week hiatus at Christmas, but what if they could split it—take one week now and one around Christmas? And he could suggest reducing some of Jensen’s scenes or dialogue for the next few episodes, letting Dean take a quieter role temporarily, just enough to help Jensen get back on his feet.

Jared was still mulling it over as the van carried him to set. When he arrived, he felt every eye on him, the air thick with unspoken questions after yesterday’s heated exchange. Kim caught his eye, raising an eyebrow as he approached.

“How’s Jensen?” he asked, concern and curiosity mingling in his voice.

Jared took a breath. “He’s resting. It was a rough night, but Donna thinks he’ll be alright.” He tried to sound hopeful, but even he could hear the doubt in his voice.

Kim nodded, then added, “And Kripke? He’s not exactly thrilled.”

Jared’s stomach tightened. Just then, his phone buzzed with a message from Megan: “Check your email.”

Once in his trailer, Jared opened his laptop and clicked through to his inbox. Megan had sent a slew of screenshots, quotes from fans who were already discussing Dean’s role in the show. “Dean’s the heart of Supernatural”, one post read, while another praised Jensen’s “incredible” performance. Jared let out a sigh of relief. These were the voices he needed Kripke to hear.

Feeling a surge of determination, Jared headed to Kripke’s temporary office, a small, cramped space overflowing with scripts and storyboards. He hesitated just outside the door, his pulse quickening as he steeled himself. With a deep breath, he knocked and stepped inside.

Kripke didn’t look up right away. When he finally did, his face was unreadable. Jared swallowed, then spoke first. “Eric, I owe you an apology. I was out of line yesterday. I was upset, worried about Jensen… and I let it get the best of me.” He took a breath. “But I’d really like a chance to work this out.”

Kripke leaned back in his chair, running a hand over his face. He exhaled heavily, then looked up at Jared. “This isn’t an easy fix, Jared. I don’t need to tell you that. We’re on a tight budget, the network’s putting on the pressure, and we’re doing okay in ratings, but not enough to be indispensable. That means…they’re watching.”

Jared nodded, then jumped in, holding up his phone. “I get it. But I think there’s a way we can work around this without compromising the show, or Jensen’s health.” He showed Kripke some of the comments Megan had found. “Look, fans are already invested in Dean. They’re saying he’s the heart of the show. Jensen is integral, and I think they’d notice if he were gone.”

Kripke looked at the screen, his expression softening slightly. “It’s great that the fans feel that way, but it doesn’t change the realities we’re up against.”

After a moment, he looked up at Jared, his tone firm but understanding. “Jared, listen, I chose Jensen for Dean. I fought for him because I believe he’s the perfect Dean. I know this show only works with both brothers… two brothers, as a team. That’s what it’s about. And I know Jensen’s a huge part of that chemistry.”

Jared felt a flicker of relief, but Kripke’s face grew more serious.

“But,” he continued, “I also have to look out for the show as a whole. This project is bigger than any one of us, and the network doesn’t make it easy. They’re looking at budgets and ratings, and if anything jeopardizes the show’s success, they start talking about cuts, reworking episodes… or worse.”

Jared’s stomach sank, but he stayed quiet, listening as Kripke pressed on. “If it comes down to it, I don’t think Jensen would want the show cancelled because of him. I think he’d rather we find a way to write him out temporarily, with the option to bring him back, than see the whole thing go under.”

Jared’s heart raced, but he held Kripke’s gaze. “I get it, Eric. But what if there’s a way to make it work without cutting him out?”

Kripke raised a sceptical eyebrow, and Jared quickly outlined his ideas. “What if we split the mid-season break? One week now, one at Christmas? That gives him a chance to rest up. And I can take on more scenes in the short term… maybe ease up on Dean’s role without sidelining him. Let him have a few more sitting or resting scenes, fewer lines, stuff like that.”

Kripke was quiet, considering Jared’s proposal. “And what about the network?” he asked. “These adjustments might seem small, but they add up in time and money. I’m already hearing about the budget.”

Jared’s voice softened as he looked Kripke square in the eye. “Eric, I’ll do whatever it takes. I believe in this show, and I believe in Jensen. I’ll carry as much weight as I have to, work overtime if that’s what it takes. But we can’t do this without him. Jensen’s integral.”

Kripke sighed, meeting Jared’s gaze. “You really care about this, don’t you?”

“Of course, I do. He’s my friend, and the show needs him.” Jared clenched his fists, his voice tight. “I’ll fight for him. I just…I need you to give him a chance.”

Kripke was silent for a moment, then leaned forward, his eyes thoughtful. “Alright, Jared. Here’s what I can do. I’ll talk to the network, see if we can move the break up. We’ve got an episode coming up where Dean gets electrocuted… he’d be weakened, more stationary. I’ll see if we can swap that in sooner. Plus, there’s an episode planned where Sam and Dean split up. I can move that around too, give Jensen some more time.”

Jared’s shoulders relaxed slightly, a faint smile appearing. “Thank you, Eric. That means a lot.”

Kripke nodded but held his gaze firmly. “But, Jared, I want you to understand this. Even with all this, there are no guarantees. If Jensen’s health continues to be an issue, we’ll have to make some hard decisions.”

Jared felt a pit in his stomach, but he nodded. “Understood.”

“Alright then,” Kripke said, softening just a bit. “Now, get out of here. You’re no good to me here today… go to the hospital, keep an eye on Jensen. And, Padalecki, keep me updated.”

Jared grinned, some of the weight lifting. “Will do. And, Eric, thanks. For everything.”

Chapter Text

Donna entered Jensen's hospital room just after eight, bracing herself for how she might find him. Her heart sank when she saw him lying there, his eyes fixed on the ceiling with a defeated, distant look that made him seem far older than his twenty-seven years. She forced herself to smile as she walked to his bedside, and Jensen glanced over, quickly masking his expression with a half-hearted smile of his own. But she could see his walls going up, that familiar shield he used when things felt too heavy. She hated when he did this, but knew better than to press him too hard.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” she asked gently, keeping her tone light as she took a seat beside him.

Jensen’s smile was weary, a ghost of the usual one she loved so much. “I’m fine, Mom. Sore, but they gave me something for it. Guess I got lucky, somehow I didn’t bite my tongue this time... Small miracles,” he muttered, looking back up at the ceiling.

Donna watched him in silence for a few moments, letting him find his footing, but the quiet stretched. Finally, she leaned forward, reaching for his hand. “Come on, Jensen,” she urged softly. “You need to talk it out. Don’t play tough guy with me, alright? You might be a grown man, but you’re still my baby boy. No characters… just talk.”

Jensen exhaled a long, shaky breath, wincing slightly as he ran a hand over his face. He was silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “This isn’t good, Mom,” he finally admitted. “I heard Kripke talking on Monday. He was saying they can’t afford any more delays. The budget’s already stretched, and he’s worried we could lose the show if I don’t… if I can’t get it together.”

Donna’s heart ached to hear him like this, his voice strained, filled with guilt. Jensen’s gaze fell, and he clenched his jaw. “It’s been, what, a week? Not even, and they’re already talking like that. I get it, though. We’re barely behind schedule, but…it’s my fault. I messed up yesterday, and now I don’t even know how to fix this. And I was really trying, Mom. I swear, I was.”

Donna squeezed his hand, her heart breaking. “Jensen, honey, I know you were. And you will get through this. But you don’t have to do it alone. There are people here who care about you, who want to help.”

Jensen’s lips trembled slightly as he shook his head, the vulnerability clear in his eyes. “Maybe I should just step away from the show,” he murmured, barely above a whisper. “The script’s good… too good to let me mess it up. Jared’s amazing in it. I can’t be the reason it fails.”

A single tear slid down Jensen’s cheek, and Donna’s heart shattered. He rarely cried in front of her, and seeing him so worn down, so defeated, was almost too much to bear. She reached over and gently wiped the tear away before leaning in and wrapping her arms around him, holding him close.

“Jensen,” she pleaded, “please don’t give up yet. Let’s wait and see what the doctor says, okay? There might be ways to make this work, and you’re not in this alone. They knew what could happen when they hired you, sweetheart. You’ve worked so hard for this. Please, don’t give up on Dean just yet.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Outside the room, Jared had just arrived and was about to knock when he heard Jensen’s defeated tone and Donna’s comforting words through the door. He froze, hand mid-air, and felt his heart clench. Hearing Jensen talk about stepping away, stirred a mix of worry and fierce protectiveness in Jared. He took a few quiet steps back, deciding to give Jensen some time alone with his mom. They clearly needed this moment. He’d wait a while, and text Donna to see when he could come in.

Sitting down in the waiting room, Jared felt his mind race. Hearing Jensen’s heartbreak over potentially leaving made him realize how much self-doubt he carried, how fragile his confidence really was. Jared couldn’t let Jensen lose this. He needed to get Kripke on board to keep fighting for Jensen’s role on the show. His friend needed this win, maybe even more than Jared had first understood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just then, Jensen’s doctor entered his hospital room, clipboard in hand. Donna pulled back slightly, giving Jensen a reassuring squeeze before looking up to greet the doctor.

“Good morning, Jensen, Mrs. Ackles,” the doctor greeted them with a nod. “I have some updates on Jensen’s condition. We’ve found that you’re dehydrated and your blood sugar level is too low. Your medication levels were also lower than we’d like, suggesting you have missed a few doses recently. You are also underweight and showing signs of exhaustion.”

Jensen glanced away, uncomfortable under the doctor’s scrutiny, but Donna reached over, squeezing his hand as the doctor continued.

“Given all this,” the doctor said, “I’m recommending a strict care plan. This includes taking your medications on time, ensuring regular meal times, adequate breaks, sufficient sleep, and plenty of fluids. We’ll need to adjust your medication as well, finding a new balance that works better for your current weight.”

Jensen nodded, trying to take it all in, but the doctor’s next words made his stomach sink.

“You’ll need to stay here a few more days, at least." the doctor said gently. "And prepare yourself, you’ll likely experience more seizures as we adjust your medication to the right levels.”

Donna’s expression softened with understanding and encouragement. She leaned forward, looking Jensen in the eye. “You hear that? This is just a temporary setback. We’re going to take things one step at a time.”

Jensen gave her a faint nod, though his eyes remained clouded with worry and frustration. He felt like his own body was betraying him, making it impossible to do what he loved, to meet the expectations he’d set for himself. But his mom’s hand on his felt steady and grounding, her gaze as supportive as it had always been.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, Jared’s thoughts were spiralling in the waiting room. Jensen’s vulnerability had hit him hard. Jensen needed this role, not just for his career but for his own sense of self-worth.

When his phone buzzed, he was happy to see a message from Donna. You can come in now.

Taking a deep breath, Jared stood and started towards Jensen’s room, his phone starting ringing in his pocket. He glanced down, surprised to see Kripke’s name flashing on the screen. It had only been a few hours since their talk.

“Hey Eric,” Jared said.

“Jared, how’s Jensen doing?” Kripke asked, his voice surprisingly gentle. Before Jared could respond, Kripke continued, his words measured but reassuring. “Listen, I’ve spoken with some crew and with Kim. We’re all in agreement about taking next week off. Turns out, it’s been a rough stretch for everyone, a few months of hard filming is wearing everyone down.”

Jared’s grip on the phone tightened with relief. This was better than he could have hoped.

“I should also tell you,” Kripke added, his tone thoughtful, “you’re not the only one who has Jensen’s back. Normally, taking a week now and cutting Christmas down to one week would be a hard sell, but there was no hesitation. I didn’t even have to go into details; everyone just…knew. They respect him and want him back in top form.”

Jared felt a weight lift from his chest. He could picture how relieved Jensen would feel knowing he wasn’t just an expendable piece to the team but someone his crew truly valued. “Thank you, Eric,” he said sincerely. “This means everything. I’ll tell him. I think it’ll really help.”

“Good,” Kripke said. “Now, look, we’re still figuring out the details for the weeks after. But we’ll shuffle things around so we only lose a day or two for Jensen’s sake. You need to work tomorrow and I’ll pull forward some supporting cast scenes to Friday. It buys us time, but Jensen needs to be ready to go in ten days. That’s going to be the dealbreaker. If he’s not ready by then, we may have no choice.”

The tone in Kripke’s voice was one of cautious optimism, but the reality was still clear. Jensen had ten days to heal and be ready to return.

“I understand,” Jared replied. “But knowing he has support from everyone will mean a lot to him. I’ll keep you posted on how he’s doing. And…thanks, Eric. Really.”

“Of course, Jared. You’re a good friend to him. Let him know I’m thinking about him.” Kripke hung up, leaving Jared staring at his phone, a glimmer of hope breaking through his worry. He hoped this was exactly what Jensen needed to hear right now.

When he reached Jensen’s door, he took a moment to compose himself. With this news, he felt like he could bring a bit of light back into his friend’s day. Knocking lightly, he opened the door and found Jensen awake, looking more alert but still worn and pale. Donna sat by his side, her hand gently resting over his.

“Hey, man,” Jared greeted, trying to keep his voice upbeat as he approached the bed. “Got a little update for you.”

Jensen’s brow furrowed in mild surprise. “That so?”

“Yeah, Kripke called,” Jared said, easing into the seat on the other side of the bed. “And, first things first, he wants you to know he’s thinking of you.”

Jensen looked down, shifting slightly as he absorbed Jared’s words. “Thanks,” he muttered, sounding a bit hesitant. “He’s…he’s a good guy.”

“He really is. In fact, he’s giving us all next week off to catch up on rest. Says it’s been a long stretch for everyone. You’ll have ten days off to get back on your feet without the pressure of falling behind.”

Jensen’s eyes softened with relief, but his expression held a hint of doubt. “So…they’re not just trying to kick me off the show?”

“Not a chance,” Jared assured him. “Actually, Kripke said that people agreed to this break right away. No one hesitated. They want you back, Jensen, and they’re willing to do what it takes to make that happen.”

Jensen’s face softened, his expression hinting at how much he wanted to believe it. “They’re really okay with it? After everything that’s happened?”

Donna leaned in, brushing a hand across Jensen’s forehead. “They’re more than okay, sweetheart. They know how much you bring to the show… and how hard you’ve been working. Nobody’s giving up on you.”

Jared nodded. “In fact, they are even going to tweak the schedule to give you a bit more time to rest while filming. You don’t have to carry this whole thing on your back, Jensen.”

Jensen seemed to take this in, a flicker of hope mixing with the worry in his eyes. He looked down, blinking rapidly as he took a deep breath. “I don’t know, Jared. I mean, ten days isn’t…a lot. And it feels like every time I start to think I’m good, this happens.”

Jared leaned forward, meeting his gaze. “One step at a time Jensen. You’ve got a whole team backing you up, including me. Just focus on getting better, and we’ll handle the rest.”

Jensen gave a slow nod, the weight in his expression easing just a little. Donna reached over, clasping Jared’s hand gratefully. “Thank you, Jared,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “It means everything to him. To us.”

Jared smiled back, feeling the warmth spread through him. He knew it would be a tough road, but Jensen wasn’t facing it alone. And as long as they had each other’s backs, there was hope.

Chapter Text

Jensen settled into the day, finding some comfort in chatting with his mom and Jared. Though he still felt weak and unsteady, he was in much better shape than that morning, with the pain meds keeping his aches manageable. The day seemed brighter somehow, even if everything was still far from certain.

Lunch, however, was a bland affair. The hospital tray offered a balanced meal but tasted like cardboard, as if the kitchen was on a mission to make food as unappealing as possible. Jensen picked at it, doing his best to finish. When Jared and Donna ducked out to grab lunch elsewhere, Jensen was left in a rare, quiet moment alone with his thoughts. He was beginning to feel the fatigue set in again when a soft knock at the door interrupted him.

“Come in,” he called out, looking up.

To his surprise, Kim Manners entered, offering a small smile as he approached. Kim was usually a calm presence on set, but seeing him here, in the sterile white of a hospital room, was a shock. Jensen quickly sat up, trying to compose himself, though his muscles protested the movement.

“Hey, Kim,” Jensen greeted. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

Kim chuckled, stepping closer. “Yeah, well, you gave us a scare, Jensen. Couldn’t let that slide without checking in on you.” He took a moment, looking Jensen over with his perceptive gaze. “I gotta say, you’re looking a hell of a lot better than yesterday.”

Jensen managed a small, embarrassed smile. “I’m sorry, Kim, really. I didn’t mean to cause trouble.”

Kim waved him off. “Look, kid, this is out of your control. We all know that.” He pulled a chair closer and sat down. “I see how hard you work. Hell, we all do, me, Bob, the other directors, even Kripke. There’s a lot of pressure to keep things moving, sure. And you know we don’t have the track record yet to withstand delays, not this early on.”

Jensen swallowed, feeling the weight of those words, even as Kim’s tone softened.

“But we want you back,” Kim continued. “We believe in the show, and we’re all behind Supernatural. I know you’re worried about letting everyone down, but let me be clear: Dean is half of this whole thing. No Dean, and I cannot see Supernatural working. We need you there, Jensen. You’re not replaceable.”

Jensen took a shaky breath, the weight of Kim’s words cutting through his own self-doubt. “I just…I feel like I’ve messed things up so bad, Kim. It’s only been a week, and I’m already slowing things down.”

Kim shook his head, his voice unwavering. “Jensen, you’ve been putting in work for weeks, no issues. This is just a bump in the road. One day, you’ll look back on this, and it’ll be a blip on the radar.”

Jensen nodded, feeling a mix of relief and guilt. He glanced away, blinking back the sting of tears. Kim must have noticed because he leaned forward, his voice taking on a fatherly tone.

“You’re not in this alone, Jensen. You’ve got people rooting for you, hell, everyone on set is behind you. Including me.” He paused, a reassuring hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “So don’t give up on this just yet, okay?”

Jensen nodded, his voice thick. “Thanks, Kim. That…that means a lot.”

Kim gave him a comforting squeeze before standing up. “You’re welcome, kid. Now get some rest. We want you back in one piece.”

Jensen managed a small smile. “I’ll do my best.”

Kim smiled, patting Jensen’s shoulder one last time before heading toward the door. “Remember, you’ve got a whole team that’s rooting for you. Don’t forget it.”

As Kim left, Jensen leaned back into the pillows, feeling a warmth that hadn’t been there before. He wasn’t sure what the next few weeks would hold, but for the first time, he felt like he had the support he needed to see it through.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Kim left, Jensen thought it was probably time to check his phone. He hadn’t looked at it all day and couldn’t remember if he’d checked it yesterday either. When he unlocked it, he was surprised to see a couple of missed calls from Steve and one from Chris. Biting his lip, Jensen opened his messages, unsure what he’d find.

The first ones were from his brother and sister, both of whom had clearly heard about his hospital visit from their mom. He sighed, figuring Donna had been doing her best to keep everyone in the loop. Typing out a quick response, he assured them he was all right, promising to call later.

Then, he opened his messages from Steve. The concern was obvious, a bit panicked even, asking why Jensen hadn’t answered his calls or gotten back to him. After Steve found him years ago in one of his lowest moments, he had become quick to worry if Jensen didn’t respond. Jensen couldn’t really blame him. The day Steve found him had been bad, one of the worst, and Jensen knew Steve still had nightmares about what might’ve happened if he hadn’t shown up. Jensen probably wouldn’t be here now.

A message from Chris followed. Apparently, Steve had looped him in too, and now Chris was worried. “Answer me or I’m driving up there myself, man. Don’t make me call your mom,” Chris had written, laced with enough sarcasm to sound like a joke but still with a weight of concern.

Another message from Steve arrived that morning, letting Jensen know he’d reached out to his mom, who filled him in on everything. Steve’s tone softened, telling Jensen to message him when he felt up to it and assuring him he’d tell Chris to stand down.

With a small, relieved smile, Jensen quickly texted them both back, explaining he was okay and just needed to get his meds sorted out. He assured them he’d fill them in more later, but he didn’t want them to worry. After hitting send, he put his phone down, letting out a deep breath as he closed his eyes for a moment. He could hardly believe the amount of support coming his way. His worst fear, the one that haunted him constantly, that people would see him as a problem, as damaged, didn’t seem to be happening. Instead, they were concerned. They cared. No one was treating him like a freak.

Letting the thought settle into his mind, Jensen drifted off into an easy sleep. When Jared and Donna returned to the room, they saw him resting peacefully, his breathing even and calm. They settled into their chairs nearby, grateful to see him like this, without the shadows of pain etched across his face.

After a few quiet moments, Donna turned to Jared, her voice soft but sincere. “Thank you, Jared,” she whispered, a bit of emotion breaking through. “For being here for him.”

Jared shook his head, his own voice barely above a whisper. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

Donna looked back at her son. “You know, Jensen’s been through a lot. He tries to pretend he’s fine, tries to handle everything himself, but it’s so important for him to have people around who don’t treat his condition like a burden.” She swallowed, her gaze steady. “I think he’s finally realizing that he’s got people who care about him, who don’t think he’s broken because of this.”

Jared nodded, taking in her words. “He’s one of the strongest people I know,” he said, glancing over at Jensen. “He just doesn’t see it.”

Donna’s eyes softened as she looked at her son. “He’ll get there. Having people who see him for who he is, not his struggles, will help him believe that himself.” She paused, the hint of a smile appearing on her face. “And you’re a big part of that.”

Jared’s cheeks turned pink at the unexpected praise, but he just nodded, his gaze lingering on Jensen. “I just want him to know that he’s got a team around him,” he said. “People who won’t let him go through this alone.”

As they both sat there, a quiet determination filled the room. Jensen had a long road ahead, but with Donna, Jared, and so many others by his side, he wouldn’t be walking it alone. For the first time, they felt hope that Jensen might finally see his worth, just as they did.

Chapter Text

The high spirits from earlier were short-lived. That night, Jensen had another seizure, this one upsetting him more than the previous ones. It lasted over two minutes, and as it finally subsided, Donna and Jared saw the heartbreaking aftermath as Jensen lay there, unconscious, his body having lost control due to the strain of the seizure. The IV fluids had left him soaked in humiliation, adding another layer of torment to the already heavy weight he was carrying.

When Jensen regained some awareness, he found himself lying on his side, the cool plastic of an oxygen mask pressed to his face and his mother’s warm hand in his, her voice low and soothing as she whispered words of comfort. But instead of bringing him the usual relief, her gentle touch and soft reassurances seemed to ignite something else inside him, a raw, fiery rage that took him by surprise. He was rarely one to feel anger so intensely, but this… this was different. He was humiliated, exhausted, and hurt, both physically and emotionally. Nothing felt under control anymore; it felt like his body had turned on him, and he didn’t know what to do with the flood of emotions overwhelming him.

Before he fully knew what he was doing, Jensen yanked the oxygen mask from his face and weakly shoved his mother’s hand away, his breathing rapid and uneven. The sharp, jagged edges of frustration and embarrassment cut through him, and the pain only added to his resentment. He wanted to scream, to shout at something, anything, but his strength was fleeting, his body still too worn from the seizure to give him more than a shallow reserve of energy.

Donna stepped back, her face etched with worry and heartache as she watched her son. She knew that post-seizure agitation was common, but this was the first time she’d ever seen Jensen react this way. Usually, he was too drained, too weak to do more than accept her touch and murmur a few words. Seeing him so defiant, so consumed by an emotion she’d never seen in him, broke something inside her. Unintentionally, a soft sob escaped her as she took another step back, unsure of how to comfort him.

Jared, noticing Donna’s distress, moved quickly. He stepped toward Jensen, his voice calm but firm, trying to reach through the haze of anger clouding his friend’s mind.

“Jensen,” Jared said, leaning down so his voice was close and clear. “Hey, look at me, man.” He put his hand on Jensen’s shoulder, steady and grounding. “It’s okay. You’re okay. You’ve been through hell, but you’re okay. We’re both here with you.”

Jensen’s breathing slowed slightly, his eyes finding Jared’s with a look of dazed confusion and lingering frustration. It was as though Jensen didn’t fully understand why he felt so angry but couldn’t stop himself from feeling it all the same.

“Jensen,” Jared continued, his voice softening a bit. “You’re doing everything you can. Don’t push us away, alright? We’re here because we want to be, and nothing you’re dealing with right now changes that.”

Slowly, Jensen’s expression began to soften, the intensity of his anger slipping away as exhaustion took over once again. Bit by bit, Jensen let the fight drain from him as he surrendered to the tiredness in his bones.

Donna, regaining her composure, moved closer again, gently placing her hand back on Jensen’s arm. Her touch was hesitant at first, as if she was afraid he’d pull away again, but when he didn’t, she stroked his arm tenderly, whispering a few calming words.

Donna and Jared sat by him, a quiet determination in both of them. They knew Jensen’s road to recovery wouldn’t be easy, and they knew he’d need their strength and patience more than ever. Neither was willing to give up on him, no matter how many setbacks came along.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Jensen woke up, the anger hadn’t faded, it had only grown stronger, simmering beneath his skin. He wanted to be alone. The humiliation of what had happened hung over him like a storm cloud, dark and heavy. He’d had enough. There was nothing left in him but raw frustration and shame. Wetting himself in front of Jared again, having to be changed, pitied, he couldn’t stand it.

Jared was still by his side, asking him how he was, his usual comforting smile in place. But right now, that smile felt unbearable. Jensen felt the rage bubbling over. He couldn’t stop himself.

“How the hell do you think I am?” he snapped, his voice sharp and unforgiving. Jared froze, inhaling quickly, shocked.

Jensen’s frustration only deepened. “Do you ever go home? Just leave me alone!”

The words were out of his mouth before he even fully knew why he was saying them. Somewhere inside, he could feel the anger twisting into something darker, something he couldn’t control. But he was past the point of holding back.

Donna’s shocked voice cut through the tension. “Jensen Ross! Don’t you dare speak to him like that!” It had been years since she’d had to use that tone with him, and hearing it now jolted Jensen, but his anger still had its hold on him.

“Just leave me alone, Mom,” he said, the coldness still in his tone.

Donna looked at Jared, whose face was tense and hurt. “Let’s go, Jared,” she said, her tone clipped as she looked at Jensen one last time. “Fine. If you want to wallow in your self-pity, you can do that. But I expect you to pull yourself together by tomorrow. Your father and I didn’t raise you to behave like this. I expect better from you.”

She turned toward Jared. “Come on.”

“Mrs. Ackles, I…” Jared tried, clearly shaken. He felt torn between wanting to stay and respecting what Donna was telling him.

“No, Jared,” Donna said, her voice soft but resolute. “Jensen wants to be alone, and tonight he will be.”

As she turned to leave, Jensen felt the first pangs of regret cutting through the haze of his anger. “Momma…” he whispered, suddenly aware of how harsh he’d been. But Donna didn’t stop.

“No, Jensen,” she said firmly, though her voice softened a touch. “Tomorrow.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back in the waiting room, Jared’s chest was tight, his stomach in knots as he tried to make sense of what had just happened. He’d seen Jensen lose his temper once or twice, but it had never been directed at him, it was never this personal. He’d only seen Jensen that furious once before, when a guest star had disrespected a crew member. Jensen had been adamant about the way everyone on set deserved respect. Seeing that anger aimed at him now made Jared’s stomach twist uncomfortably.

Donna glanced at Jared, her eyes sympathetic. “I know, honey. He doesn’t mean it. He’s just…angry. At the situation, at himself. And he’s embarrassed. That doesn’t make it right, but maybe it helps you understand.”

Jared nodded, exhaling a shaky breath as he settled into the chair next to Donna. “Yeah, I get it,” he said, though the hurt still lingered. “I was just…shocked.”

Donna reached over, resting her hand on his. “Give him some time. He’ll be feeling the weight of guilt soon enough. And if I know my boy, he’s already regretting it.” She gave him a gentle smile. “You’ve been a wonderful friend to him, Jared. It won’t go unappreciated.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jensen sat in his hospital bed, his mind racing. The events from earlier replayed on a loop, his own voice, sharp and unrestrained, lashing out at Jared, snapping at his mom. It didn’t feel like him. But, he thought, in a way, it also felt like he’d been on the edge for too long, with something finally snapping inside. He groaned softly, pulling his knees up and gripping his hair with both hands, the weight of everything settling heavily on his shoulders. He didn’t know how he felt anymore; it was all so jumbled, an emotional rollercoaster he couldn’t get off.

Jared had been there for him through everything, solid and unwavering. He was just trying to help, and Jensen had yelled at him. Not only that, but he’d snapped at his mom, too, the last person he’d ever want to hurt. He hated seeing that disappointed look in her eyes, the same look she used to give him as a kid when he’d get into trouble. She’d stood by him for everything; she knew him better than anyone. But the way she looked at him, and the way he’d responded… It twisted something inside him, made him feel even worse.

He glanced at the clock, only 7:30 p.m. Donna had said “tomorrow,” but the thought of waiting that long ate at him. He needed to make things right, and the sooner the better.

Just as he reached for his phone, the door opened, and a nurse stepped in to check his vitals. She gave him a gentle smile as she moved around his bed, adjusting his IV and taking his pulse. Jensen couldn’t quite read her expression, but she seemed to pick up on his turmoil. “Rough day?” she asked, her tone soft and compassionate.

“Yeah,” Jensen admitted, almost surprised by how easily the word slipped out. He found himself telling her about how he’d snapped, how he’d lost his temper at the people who meant a lot to him. “I don’t even know what happened. It’s like… everything just spilled over, and I couldn’t stop it. But it’s not their fault. It’s mine.”

The nurse squeezed his hand reassuringly. “It’s a lot to carry, what you’re going through,” she said, her voice kind and steady. “And, you know, seizures can do that sometimes. They can mess with emotions, make everything feel more intense than usual. Anger is a natural reaction, especially when it feels like things are out of your control. You’ve had to deal with a lot, but you’re still in there, and you’ll get that control back.”

He nodded, feeling the weight of her words settle into him, calming him slightly. “Thanks,” he murmured. “It helps to hear that.”

She smiled. “You’re welcome. And can I suggest you talk to the hospital therapist? It can be really helpful.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” Jensen agreed, surprised at how relieved he felt at the thought. It was like he’d been given permission to let it all out, and maybe even to forgive himself a little. As she left, he held his phone tightly, working up the nerve to make things right with the people he loved.

Chapter Text

Jared settled into his seat beside Donna, still reeling from Jensen’s outburst. He intended to stay for just a short while. He had an early call tomorrow, another 14-hour day, and knew he needed to get some rest. Yet his mind refused to settle, replaying Jensen’s frustration, the pleading look in his eyes just before they left the room. He kept reminding himself of what Donna had said, that Jensen was just overwhelmed and lashing out, that it wasn’t personal.

Looking over at Donna, Jared admired her quiet strength. Even though her sadness was visible, her determination seemed unwavering. He understood now where Jensen’s resilience came from. Donna had a way of standing firm while showing compassion. She had surprised him by walking out, but it was now clear she had no intention of actually leaving; she was here, in the waiting room, ready to return when Jensen was ready to talk.

Needing something to fill the silence between them, Jared finally asked, “Donna… can you tell me what happened last time? I know Jensen’s mentioned a bit here and there, but I don’t think I’ve ever really understood it.”

Donna sighed, folding her hands in her lap. She seemed to consider his question carefully before speaking. “Yes, I think you deserve to know, Jared,” she began softly. “It’s not something we like to talk about, but… maybe it’s time.”

Her gaze drifted, as if the memories were playing out in front of her. “Jensen was a happy kid. Sporty, outgoing, always smiling. He was a good boy, with just a little bit of mischief in him, you know? But everything changed after his accident, after the seizures started. He became quieter, more withdrawn. He stopped going out, didn’t see his friends as often. At the time, I didn’t think too much of it, he’d tell us he was fine, that he was just busy with school.” Donna’s voice grew softer, tinged with regret. “But I know now… he was hiding how hard it was. He didn’t want us to worry.”

Jared nodded, feeling a pang of empathy for Jensen as he imagined a young man trying to cope with a life-altering condition. “That must’ve been so hard,” he murmured.

“It was,” Donna agreed. “When he left home for Los Angeles, we worried. He was young, a bit homesick. But he found work, made friends, and things seemed to improve. We heard from him less often as he got busier, but he sounded happy enough. Then he moved to Vancouver for Dark Angel, and, well… we were even more worried. He was so far away, with no real support system nearby. He kept telling us not to hover, that he was fine, that he’d been seizure-free for years. But I know now that he was struggling.”

Donna hesitated, her voice thickening. “I found out much later that the time in Vancouver wasn’t easy for him. Jessica Alba, well… let’s just say she wasn’t exactly warm toward him. And losing his grandfather while he was up there, unable to be with family, that hurt him deeply.”

She shook her head, lost in memories. “Things seemed to fall apart after he returned to Los Angeles. He stopped checking in regularly, which worried us, but he was always independent, and we didn’t want to intrude. But Steve, bless him… he and Jensen were close. They’d been roommates, they hung out regularly. It was Steve who first noticed something was wrong.”

Donna’s eyes clouded over as she continued. “One Friday, Steve invited Jensen out, but Jensen didn’t respond. When Steve messaged him again the following morning about catching up with Christian, there was still no answer. Steve told me later he had a bad feeling about it, so he decided to stop by. When Jensen didn’t answer the door, Steve used his spare key.”

Jared sat up straighter, sensing the pain in her voice, as if the memory of that day was still raw. Donna took a deep breath before she went on.

“Steve found Jensen on the floor of the living room. He was cold to the touch, his lips were blue… and he’d vomited… wet himself, he was a mess. Steve was terrified. For a moment, he thought…” She choked up but pushed through. “He thought Jensen had overdosed, maybe even attempted… you know. Steve had never seen Jensen drink before, he was always so careful because of his meds. But there were empty beer bottles. Steve couldn’t wake him up, couldn’t get a response.”

Donna’s voice broke, and she swallowed hard. “He called 911, fearing he’d already lost him. I know Steve still has nightmares about it.”

Jared’s chest tightened, imagining what that must have been like for Steve and for Donna.

“When Steve called us, Alan and I were on the first flight to Los Angeles, bringing Mackenzie with us. I spent those hours in the air, terrified that my son was gone… or that he’d hurt himself on purpose and that I’d failed him.” Donna’s voice was barely above a whisper now. “We arrived to find him in the ICU. They told us he was in a coma, his heart rate dangerously low, fluid in his lungs. They didn’t know if he’d have brain damage, if he’d ever fully recover.”

Jared stared at her, feeling his heart clench as he absorbed the gravity of her words.

Donna took a shaky breath, regaining her composure. “After we got all the tests back, we found out Jensen didn’t have alcohol or drugs in his system. The Tegretol levels showed he’d probably missed a dose or two, but there was nothing intentional about it. In a way, that was a relief, but it also meant he could’ve been lying on that floor for up to thirty hours before Steve found him. We had no way to know how long it was, just that he didn’t message Steve back, and Jensen doesn’t remember.”

“The doctors believed it was Status Epilepticus, one long, unbroken seizure, rather than a series of smaller ones. That’s why he didn’t come out of it on his own. They told us that if Steve hadn’t found him when he did…” Her voice faded, but her meaning was clear.

Jared swallowed, feeling a chill run down his spine. Jensen’s survival seemed like a miracle.

She paused, collecting herself. “Jensen slowly improved, but it wasn’t easy. He developed pneumonia, which wasn’t surprising after everything his body went through. The doctors kept him in a medically induced coma for five days to help him recover. They didn’t know if he’d be the same Jensen we knew once he woke up.” She took a deep breath, steadying herself. “We were preparing ourselves for the possibility of brain damage.”

Donna’s gaze shifted to Jared, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “But what we didn’t expect were the seizures that continued, even when he was unconscious. They showed up on the monitors, little flashes of electrical activity in his brain. Finding the right balance of sedation to keep those seizures at bay while letting him wake up was tricky. It took two days for the doctors to finally get it right.”

Jared’s heart twisted as he imagined the agony Donna must have felt watching her son go through that. Donna wiped a stray tear from her cheek, a faint smile breaking through.

“On the eighth day, he woke up enough to say his first words. ‘Hey, Momma.’ I’ll never forget that.” She looked down, a few tears slipping free as she gathered herself.

“From there, it was a slow, bumpy road. Jensen got better, but there were setbacks too. His brain wasn’t damaged in the ways we feared, but he had significant weakness and struggled to find his words, especially when he was tired. And those first few weeks, Jared, you know the toll a seizure takes. Imagine Jensen having two or three tonic-clonic seizures every day, one top of atonic and absences. There was one day where he had four. I remember feeling like it was never going to end.”

Jared listened in silence, trying to wrap his mind around the sheer exhaustion Jensen must have felt. He’d seen a handful of Jensen’s seizures now, knew how they left him drained and vulnerable. The thought of him going through that day after day, with no end in sight, made his chest ache.

“At the end of the second week, Alan took Mackenzie back home. She had school, and he needed to work. Honestly, he needed a break too. We all did.” Donna’s face softened as she spoke of her husband, her love for him apparent. “During the third week, Jensen’s strength started coming back, and his speech improved. The doctors decided it was time for him to go home. So, we moved into his apartment in LA, where he could be more comfortable. But he still had frequent seizures, so he had to wear headgear whenever he wasn’t lying down. I remember thinking how absurd it all was.”

Jared’s brows knit in empathy. He couldn’t imagine Jensen, normally so full of life, restricted by these measures. Donna took another breath, her gaze faraway. “As his body slowly adjusted, the seizures began to ease. But that didn’t mean Jensen wasn’t still struggling.”

“One night, he finally opened up to me. He told me he thought it was all his fault, that he felt like he’d been punished for wanting to fit in. He’d started drinking a little to try and fit in with the cast and crew on Dark Angel, thinking it was worth it. But with his condition, alcohol was a dangerous choice. He stopped being careful with his medication, stopped paying attention to his eating and sleep routines. In his mind, this was the price he had to pay for trying to be normal.”

Donna’s face tightened with remembered pain. “I knew he was struggling, but I didn’t realize the depths of his guilt. He called himself a failure, a freak, even a burden. That was when he started talking about moving home, giving up his career. He thought he’d lost his shot at acting, that he couldn’t be trusted to live alone or handle the demands of his job. I did my best to comfort him, but I was falling apart too, Jared.” She took a deep breath, a touch of regret in her eyes. “I should have been stronger, but my heart was breaking for him. I wanted to take him home and shield him from the world.”

Jared shook his head, touched by Donna’s vulnerability. “Donna, you did everything you could. Jensen’s lucky to have a mother who cares that much.”

Donna smiled at him softly. “It was Alan who stepped in. He told me that if we brought Jensen home, he’d lose all the confidence he’d fought to build. And he was right. About five days after our talk, Jensen made it through an entire day without a seizure. And then another. After a week, it was like a bad dream that had finally ended.”

Jared’s heart lightened at this, imagining the relief that must have washed over them all. But Donna’s expression turned wry. “That was when the arguments between us started. Jensen needed to rely on himself again, but I was terrified. I didn’t want him to feel like we didn’t trust him, but I couldn’t handle the thought of him being alone.”

Her gaze softened. “Thankfully, Steve and Jason stepped up. Steve insisted on checking on Jensen every day, he even moved back in for a while. Jensen learned to text me morning and night, and we talked on the phone often. Gradually, he found his footing again. He got the role on Dawson’s Creek not long after that.”

Donna let out a long, deep sigh, and Jared noticed her body relax as she reached the end of her story.

Jared let out a slow breath, taking in the full weight of what she’d shared. He realized he’d never truly understood the depth of Jensen’s struggle. “Thank you for telling me,” he said, his voice thick. “I can’t imagine how hard that must’ve been… for both of you.”

Donna gave a sad smile. “It’s been a long road, Jared. I hoped he was on the other side of it… but maybe he’s still on that path. Jensen carries a lot on his shoulders, and I think, deep down, he’s still afraid of it happening again. And today… today he’s closer to that fear than he’s been in a long time.”

She startled, her phone buzzing, and glanced at the screen. A warm smile broke across her face, and she turned the phone toward him.

“Jensen’s calling.”

Chapter Text

Jensen’s apology poured out in a torrent, his voice thick with regret. He struggled to breathe between words, each confession laced with desperation and frustration. “Momma, I’m so sorry… I don’t know what came over me, I swear. I didn’t mean to yell at you, and Jared… Mom, he’s been there for me every second, and I just…” He trailed off, his voice breaking.

Donna’s heart wrenched, hearing the torment in her son’s voice. She softened her tone, slipping into that calm, soothing rhythm she’d used to comfort him since he was a boy. “Okay, Jensen, listen to me. I need you to take a deep breath. Just one slow, deep breath, baby. I know you’re sorry, and I know this wasn’t you. You’re okay; we’re all okay.”

She paused, waiting to hear the sound of him breathing. “Jensen, you’re carrying a lot, and it’s a heavy load to bear on your own. Let it out slowly, okay? We’ll take this one step at a time. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

He fell silent on the line, but she could hear his unsteady breathing as he tried to calm himself. She glanced over at Jared, who was watching her, his expression a mixture of sympathy and understanding. Donna motioned toward the chair across from her, signalling for him to stay. Jared gave her a small nod, settling in, willing to wait for as long as Jensen needed.

After a few moments, Jensen’s breathing slowed, and he spoke again, his tone quieter. “I don’t know why I got so angry, Momma. I just… I feel like I’m disappointing everyone. Failing you, failing Jared, failing myself.” His words were softer now, but she could hear the weight in them, the exhaustion beneath the surface.

Donna’s heart ached for him, knowing how deeply he held onto his sense of responsibility. “You’re not failing anyone, Jensen,” she said firmly. “You’re going through something incredibly hard, and it’s natural to feel overwhelmed. You’re human, sweetheart. And sometimes we get angry and say things we don’t mean. It’s not who you are; it’s just part of what you’re going through right now.”

Jensen’s voice was barely a whisper. “But it’s like I can’t control it. I feel like I’m slipping, Mom. I don’t want Jared to feel like he has to stay just because I’m falling apart.”

Donna swallowed, her own voice tightening. “Jared isn’t here out of obligation, Jensen. He’s here because he cares about you. He’s been here every step of the way because that’s who he is and because you matter to him. He understands that you’re going through a lot, and he wants to support you.” She looked at Jared meaningfully, and he gave her a slight smile of reassurance.

Jensen sighed, the sound weighted with self-recrimination. “I’m so lucky to have him, and you, Mom. I don’t want to push you both away, but it feels like all I’m doing is making things harder.”

Donna’s voice softened, “You’re not pushing us away. You’re letting out the frustration you’re feeling. And I’ll tell you a secret, honey: sometimes the people who love you the most can take a little bit of that burden and help you carry it. You’re not alone in this, Jensen. None of this is too much for us.”

Jared could hear Jensen take a slow breath, and he wished he could reach through the phone to let Jensen know he was there, that he wasn’t going anywhere.

After a few beats, Jensen spoke again, his voice steadier. “I don’t know what I would do without you, Momma. Or without Jared. I just feel like… maybe I should talk to someone. Really talk to someone about this. There’s just so much in my head, and I don’t know how to deal with it anymore.”

Donna’s expression softened in relief. “I think that’s a wonderful idea, Jensen. There’s no shame in needing help, in needing someone to listen. I’m proud of you for even considering it.”

Jensen gave a small, tentative laugh, and the sound brought a smile to Donna’s face. “I don’t know if I’m ready, but… I think it’s time.”

“I’ll be here every step of the way,” Donna assured him. “And Jared will be too. You’ve got a whole team rooting for you, Jensen. We’re not going anywhere.”

There was a pause, and then Jensen’s voice came through, quieter but stronger. “Is Jared there Mom? Could you put him on the phone? I think I need to talk to him too.”

Donna turned to Jared, holding the phone out to him. Jared took it, his heart pounding, and put it to his ear. “Hey, Jensen.”

There was silence on the other end for a moment, and then Jensen’s voice came through, raw and unguarded. “Jared, I… I don’t even know where to start, man. I’m sorry for how I treated you earlier. You didn’t deserve that. You’ve been nothing but good to me, and I just… I took it all out on you.”

Jared’s tone was gentle. “Hey, Jensen, I know. And it’s okay. Really. You’re going through something huge, and it’s only natural to feel all kinds of things. I’m just glad you called.”

Jensen let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. I just… God, I feel like I’m losing control of everything, and you were there… I didn’t mean for you to be the one to get hurt because of it.”

“Jensen, listen to me,” Jared said firmly. “I’m here because I want to be. Not because I have to, not because I feel obligated, but because you’re my friend. You don’t have to worry about scaring me off. I know this isn’t easy for you. And I’ll be here for as long as you need me.”

Jensen was quiet again, his silence filled with unspoken gratitude. “Thanks, Jared. I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

Jared laughed softly. “I think the feeling’s mutual, man. Just… try to remember that we’re all in this with you. You’re not carrying this alone.”

“I’ll try,” Jensen whispered, his voice breaking slightly. “And I’ll… I’ll look into talking to someone. Like really talking to someone.”

Jared’s smile widened, feeling a surge of relief. “That sounds like a good plan. One step at a time, right?”

“One step at a time,” Jensen agreed, his voice softer, but with a hint of hope.

As they said their goodbyes, Jared handed the phone back to Donna, who gave him a grateful smile. He felt a weight lift, knowing Jensen had taken a small but meaningful step forward. It wasn’t a solution to everything, but it was a start. Without needing to say a word, they both headed back to Jensen’s room, side by side, ready to see him in person.

Jensen, seated in the chair by the window, looked up as they entered. His eyes widened, and for a moment, he simply stared, as if needing to confirm they were really there. He’d assumed they had gone home, convinced he’d pushed them too far. But here they were, a united front of unwavering support.

“Momma,” he whispered, his voice catching. “Jared…” The words faltered, but the emotion in his eyes spoke volumes.

Donna stepped forward first, her hand warm and steady on his shoulder before she pulled him into a gentle hug. “We weren’t going anywhere, honey,” she said softly. “We’ve just been out there waiting for you, giving you the space you needed. That’s all.”

Jensen stood, wrapping his arms around her tightly before turning to Jared, who stepped in with a reassuring smile. The hug Jared gave him was strong and steady, grounding in its familiarity. “Told you, man,” Jared murmured with a light pat on his back. “We’re here. Always.”

Jensen’s chest tightened, his heart swelling with gratitude, and he returned the hug, his face buried in Jared’s shoulder for a moment before pulling back. “Thank you,” he said softly, his voice steady but filled with emotion. “Both of you.”

Donna smiled, brushing a hand over his forehead as she stepped back, her eyes warm with that motherly pride and relief. “Of course, honey. That’s what family’s for.”

“Now, get to bed,” Jared said, gesturing toward the bed with a small grin. “You’ve got a lot of rest to catch up on.”

Jensen let out a small, tired chuckle. “Yeah, I think I’m ready for that.” He looked up at Jared. “And you’ve got an early start, man. Thank you for sticking around. I know it’s been a long day.”

Jared shrugged, giving him a warm, lopsided smile. “That’s what friends are for. Get some rest, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With a final squeeze from Donna and a reassuring smile from Jared, Jensen felt the day’s weight lift just a little more. They’d been with him the entire time, waiting for him to sort his head out, just a few rooms away.

After a last goodnight, Jensen watched as they both headed for the door. He felt a wave of peace wash over him, even as his body begged for sleep. Tomorrow was another day, another step forward, and he knew he had them by his side every step of the way.

Chapter Text

As the morning light spilled into the dining room, Donna sat sipping her coffee, the phone pressed to her ear. Mid-conversation, a soft ping drew her attention to her phone. Glancing at the screen, she saw a message from Jensen.

"Morning, Mom. Take it easy this morning, okay? Have a good breakfast, catch up with Dad, see the city. I’m fine and have a session with the therapist at 11. Love you.".

Relief flickered across her face as she read it, her voice softening. “He’s checking in,” she murmured to Alan, her husband still on the line.

She continued, recounting the past few days. “He took it so hard, Alan. It really shook him up, you know? But Jared’s been incredible, right there with him through all of it. And the network, they’ve given him some time off. I think they see how much he gives to this show.”

Alan’s steady voice came through the receiver, calm and reassuring. “He’s a fighter, Donna. Always has been. I’m worried too, but he’s been through worse and come out stronger. He’s got you, Jared, and a team that clearly cares about him. He’ll get there. Just takes time.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With a hint of a smile, Jensen set his phone down, leaning back into the pillow with a deep sigh. He figured his mom could use the break after the long, intense days they’d had. She needed a chance to recharge, and, if he was honest, he needed a bit of time to himself.

After a refreshing shower and pulling on a pair of comfortable sweats and a loose shirt, Jensen felt more like himself than he had in days. He sent a quick message to Jared too, keeping it casual and brief. He figured Jared was knee-deep in the latest episode, picking up extra screen time to carry the story while Jensen recuperated. It sounded like they’d rearranged the shooting schedule so they could use the footage Jensen had already shot, supplementing the rest with body doubles and strategic editing. He knew it wouldn’t be the same without him fully present, but it was still a relief. The show was still moving forward, and it showed the lengths everyone was willing to go to make it work. Knowing that gave him a spark of hope.

Scrolling through his contacts, Jensen dialled Steve’s number, feeling a little better just at the thought of talking to his old friend. When Steve picked up, his familiar drawl filled the line, and Jensen couldn’t help but smile.

“Hey, man. Figured I’d check in, let you know I’m on the mend,” Jensen said, keeping his tone upbeat.

“About damn time I heard from you,” Steve replied, the relief evident in his voice. “How’re you holding up?”

Jensen hesitated, not wanting to delve into too much. “Doing better. Just been a rough patch, y’know?”

“Jensen, I know you probably don’t want me flying up there, but just say the word, and I’ll be there,” Steve offered, his voice firm but understanding. “I know you’ve got your mom, but sometimes you need a friend too.”

Jensen smiled, feeling the warmth of Steve’s words. “I appreciate it, man. Really. But I think it’s good for now. Maybe once I’m out of here, we’ll plan something.”

“Just don’t shut us out, alright? You’ve got people who’d drop anything to help you out,” Steve reminded him. “Including Jason and Christian, they’re both asking about you. You just say when.”

“I know,” Jensen replied, softer this time. “Thanks.”

After catching up a little longer, Jensen said his goodbyes and shot off a quick message to Jason and Chris, just to let them know he was doing better. He then made his way over to the chair by the window, feeling the comforting effects of their conversation. Moments later, his phone chimed, a message from Jared. Short and to the point, it read:

Hope therapy goes well today, man. Let me know if you need anything. Will check in later.

Jensen smiled, feeling reassured by Jared’s quiet support even from a distance.

By the time his therapist walked into the room, Jensen felt good. They started with a few routine questions, easing into the conversation, and before long, Jensen found himself opening up, talking about feelings he’d tried to shove down over the last few days.

He admitted to feeling embarrassed and, worse, like he was becoming a burden. He hated that he’d lashed out, that people were seeing him at his weakest. His mind wandered to memories of working on Dark Angel, a time when his seizures had isolated him in ways he hadn’t been prepared for. 

“Being the new guy on Dark Angel was already hard,” he explained, his voice low. “The production team, they liked my work, but on set... I felt out of place. Jessica Alba wasn’t exactly welcoming, and I think... I started to feel like I had to prove myself constantly. That’s why it’s so important to me now, to make Supernatural a different kind of set. I want everyone to feel respected, like it’s a place we all belong. A place where we can create something great without tearing each other down.” 

The therapist nodded, encouraging him to continue. 

“But when these seizures started up again…” Jensen sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It’s like everything I worked to build here, the set, the vibe, the characters, it all felt like it was just… slipping. I didn’t want to slow anyone down or cause delays. And there’s always that voice in the back of my head telling me this could ruin everything. It just… piles up.” 

He paused, the silence stretching between them. The therapist waited patiently, giving him space. 

Just as Jensen started to speak again, his words faltered. His gaze grew distant, unfocused, his expression slackening ever so slightly. The therapist recognized the signs immediately and stayed quiet, watching him carefully but without alarm.

It lasted only a few seconds, a brief absence seizure that passed as quickly as it arrived. Jensen blinked a few times, refocusing, and ran a hand over his face. “Sorry,” he muttered, his voice tinged with frustration. 

The therapist offered a small, understanding smile. “No need to apologise. Take your time. We’ll continue whenever you’re ready.” 

Jensen nodded, exhaling deeply. He hated how these moments felt, like tiny reminders of what he couldn’t control. But he appreciated the therapist’s calm, her willingness to move past it without making it a big deal. 

“That first seizure,” he continued after a moment, his voice a bit unsteady, “it was terrifying. I woke up knowing what had happened and feeling just… wiped out. It wasn’t as bad as before, not like when Steve found me, but it scared me because I knew it could’ve been. There’s always that fear.” 

The therapist nodded again. “It sounds like you’ve been carrying the weight of that memory for a long time. But from what you’re describing, it sounds like your starting point this time around is better. You’re here, and it seems like your recovery is already further along than it was last time.” 

Jensen thought about it, realizing it was true. His seizures, though frightening, had lessened, and he was already feeling more like himself. He knew last time it had taken him nearly a month to get to this stage. 

“Yeah,” he said slowly. “This time, it’s… different. I’m already doing better. And I have more people that know and are still with me. Jared, the crew, even Kripke.” He looked down, struggling to find the words. “They’re all fighting for me. It’s like everyone wants me to pull through, and it… I don’t know. I don’t understand why I deserve it, but I’m grateful. I really am.” 

The therapist’s gaze was warm and steady. “It sounds like you have a lot of support and that they all care about you. Maybe instead of questioning if you deserve it, try to let yourself appreciate it. It’s okay to accept support without feeling like you owe anyone.” 

Jensen took a deep breath, letting her words sink in. He’d been so focused on how much he thought he was letting people down, he hadn’t really let himself feel the gratitude fully. Maybe he needed to let go of some of that guilt and let his friends help him, just like he’d do for them in a heartbeat. 

The therapist leaned forward slightly, her tone measured and encouraging. “Jensen, one of the things that stands out to me is how much energy you’re spending on what you can’t control. Seizures happen, and while they’re disruptive and scary, focusing on what you can’t completely prevent only adds to the burden you’re carrying. What if we shifted that focus? Instead of dwelling on the unpredictability, let’s look at what’s within your control, your reaction, how you treat yourself afterwards, and how you allow others to help.”

Jensen tilted his head, considering her words.

“You mean like… not feeling bad or… guilty about it?” he asked hesitantly.

“Exactly,” she said with a small nod. “Guilt doesn’t serve you here. Instead, try to think about how you respond after a seizure. Can you be kinder to yourself? Can you let others support you without feeling like you’re a burden? And if this continues to happen occasionally, are there ways you can adapt your work or your routine to accommodate it?”

Jensen frowned, the weight of her questions sinking in. “I guess… I’ve been so focused on stopping them or hiding them, I didn’t even think about what comes after. I just feel like I should’ve been able to prevent it.”

“Prevention is important, but it’s not everything,” she replied gently. “You can do your best to manage triggers and take care of yourself, but setbacks don’t mean you’ve failed. What really matters is how you move forward from them. That’s where your control lies.”

Jensen took a deep breath, letting her words settle. Maybe she was right, maybe it wasn’t just about controlling the uncontrollable. Maybe it was about letting go of the guilt, leaning into the support around him, and finding a way to keep moving forward, no matter what came his way.

When the session ended, Jensen thanked the therapist, feeling lighter somehow, like a part of the weight he’d been carrying had lifted.

Chapter Text

After his therapy session and a typically bland hospital lunch, Jensen found himself itching to go home. A solid night’s sleep, a real shower, catching up with friends, and unloading his thoughts in therapy had shifted something in him. For the first time in days, he felt like he was ready to think about what was next.

When his specialist came by for a check-in, Jensen didn’t waste time. “So… any chance I’m getting out of here soon?” 

The doctor smiled, flipping through his chart. “If we don’t see any major setbacks, I think we can discharge you tomorrow.” 

Jensen nodded eagerly, but before he could respond, his eyes drifted slightly to the side, his expression growing distant. His jaw slackened, and for several seconds, he didn’t move. 

The doctor waited patiently, observing the subtle signs he’d come to recognise: the flutter of Jensen’s eyelids, the faint rigidity in his posture. When Jensen blinked and refocused, the doctor met his gaze evenly. 

“Do you remember what I just said?” 

Jensen frowned, his forehead creasing as he replayed the conversation in his mind. “You said… I could go home tomorrow?” 

The doctor nodded. “That’s right. But that was another absence seizure, Jensen. Have you noticed how often they’re happening?” 

Jensen’s shoulders tensed. “Not really,” he admitted. “I mean, I feel a little off sometimes, but it’s hard to tell.” 

“They’re subtle, but they’ve been frequent. You’re likely not catching all of them.” The doctor’s voice softened. “We need to think about how you’re going to manage this if they don’t stop entirely. How you react, how you let others support you, and how you work around them will make the difference.” 

Jensen exhaled slowly, his frustration clear, but he nodded. “Okay, so what’s the plan?” 

“For now, no work for at least a week,” the doctor said firmly. “And when you do return, we’ll discuss strategies to make sure you’re not overloading yourself.” 

Jensen grinned faintly. “Does the plan include my morning coffee?” 

The doctor chuckled. “One cup a day. We all need a little indulgence.” 

By the time Donna arrived later that afternoon, Jensen’s mood had shifted again. Donna brought a bag of gourmet sandwiches, and Jensen greeted her with a smile that made her heart lighten.

“They’re saying I can probably go home tomorrow,” he said between bites.

“That’s wonderful, sweetheart!” Donna exclaimed, her face lighting up with a mixture of joy and relief. Still, her keen eyes swept over him, catching the lingering fatigue in his posture. “But you’ve got to promise me you’ll actually rest when you get there. None of that ‘I’m fine’ nonsense.” 

Jensen smirked faintly, knowing she could see right through him. “That’s the plan. But, uh… maybe I’ll need a little backup for a while.” His voice wavered slightly. 

Donna softened, her motherly instincts on full alert as she reached out to squeeze his hand. “We’ll figure it out, honey. Whatever you need.” 

He nodded, but his gaze drifted to the bag of sandwiches on the table, as though avoiding the full weight of the conversation. “I mean, you’ve already taken so much time off work, though. I know you can’t stay forever.” 

Donna tilted her head, studying him. “Work will survive without me for a little longer,” she said gently. “I’ve got vacation days saved up. Your dad’s been holding down the fort at home, and Mackenzie’s checking on him. I can stay as long as you need me to.” 

Jensen swallowed, clearly torn. “I know, Mom. And I’m so grateful, I don’t think I’ve said that enough. You’ve been amazing, but…” He rubbed the back of his neck, searching for the right words. “I also don’t want to keep you away from your life. You’ve been here for a week already, and I know how much you hate leaving Dad and Mack alone.” 

Donna sighed, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “I do miss them, sure, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to leave you just yet.” She leaned forward, her expression firm but loving. “Jensen, you’ve been through so much. I don’t think you’re quite ready to handle all this on your own, not yet. And that’s okay.” 

He nodded slowly, a flicker of relief crossing his face, but there was still a shadow of doubt. “I just… It feels selfish to ask you to stick around longer, you know? I’ll be fine... maybe... not just yet.” 

Donna gave him a warm smile, squeezing his hand again. “Honey, it’s not selfish to ask for help. And if it makes you feel better, let’s take it one day at a time. I’ll stay until you’re steady on your feet again. After that, if you still need some backup, maybe we can talk about some services or someone else you know stepping in for a bit.” 

Jensen chuckled softly at that. “Jared’s already been hovering like a mother hen. I think he’d move onto my couch in a heartbeat if I let him.” 

“Good,” Donna said with a teasing grin. “Maybe I’ll give him a few pointers before I head back to Richardson.” 

Jensen smiled at her, the tension easing from his shoulders. “Thanks, Mom. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

“You’ll never have to find out,” Donna said simply, her tone warm but resolute. She reached for the bag of sandwiches. “Now, eat. You’re still too skinny for my liking, and I’m not leaving until I see you putting some weight back on.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Jensen said with mock seriousness, his smile growing. For the first time in days, he felt like the pieces of his life were starting to come together, slowly but surely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jared rubbed his eyes as he stepped into the hospital room, the weight of the day heavy on his shoulders. It was just after 9 p.m., and he was bone-tired after an endless day of filming. But as exhausted as he was, he couldn’t shake the relief and quiet excitement at the news that Jensen was being discharged tomorrow. It felt like a step forward after days of uncertainty, and Jared wanted to see him, even if just for a few minutes.

“Hey, man,” Jared greeted with a smile as he stepped inside. Jensen was sitting up in bed, the TV on low and a half-eaten cup of pudding on the tray beside him. Donna was perched in the corner, her knitting in her lap, looking up with a warm smile when Jared entered. 

“Hey,” Jensen said, his voice lighter than it had been the past few days. “Didn’t expect you this late.” 

“Figured I’d swing by on my way home,” Jared replied, dropping into the chair by the bed. “Wanted to hear about you springing this joint tomorrow.” 

“Yeah,” Jensen said with a small grin. “Finally. Can’t wait to get back to my own bed and stop eating this crap.” He gestured to the pudding cup, and Jared chuckled. 

As they talked, Jared noticed Jensen’s gaze flicker off to the side mid-conversation. It was brief, a moment of stillness as though Jensen had hit pause. Jared glanced at Donna, who gave him a small shake of her head, subtle but firm. Jared got the message: if Jensen didn’t seem to notice, there was no need to draw attention to it. So Jared continued talking as if nothing had happened, though he couldn’t help but watch his friend a little closer. 

A few minutes later, Jared was in the middle of recounting a mishap on set when Jensen’s eyes glazed over again, this time longer. Jared stopped mid-sentence, his words trailing off as he watched Jensen blink slowly, his focus returning. Jensen looked at him, his brow furrowing as realization dawned. 

“Sorry,” Jensen mumbled, his voice low, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean to… uh, you were talking, and I…” 

“Hey, don’t,” Jared interrupted gently, leaning forward. “Don’t apologize. It’s fine, man. Totally fine.” He gave Jensen a reassuring smile, and the tension in Jensen’s shoulders eased just a bit. 

The three of them talked for a little while longer, but it wasn’t long before it was clear Jensen was fading fast. His eyelids grew heavy, and his words started to slur slightly with exhaustion. Jared stifled a yawn himself, realizing just how drained he was too. 

“Well,” Jared said, standing and stretching, “I think it’s time we let you get some rest. Donna, you good to share a cab?” 

Donna nodded, setting her knitting aside. “Sounds perfect.” She leaned over to kiss Jensen’s forehead. “We’ll see you tomorrow, sweetheart. Big day.” 

Jared gave Jensen a light pat on the arm. “Get some sleep, man. Tomorrow’s the start of getting back to normal, right?” 

Jensen offered a small, tired smile. “Yeah. Thanks for stopping by, Jay. Appreciate it.” 

With that, Jared and Donna slipped out, leaving Jensen to the quiet hum of the hospital room. Jared couldn’t help but feel a flicker of hope for his friend as they headed out into the cool night.

Chapter Text

The discharge process felt a bit surreal. After days confined to a hospital bed, Jensen was finally heading home. The air outside the hospital seemed crisper, the world brighter, as if every sense had sharpened. Donna stayed close, hovering just enough to offer her presence without smothering him.

When they arrived at Jensen’s Vancouver apartment, it didn’t take long for the inevitable standoff to begin.

“Mom, you’re not sleeping on the couch,” Jensen said, his tone firm as he dropped his keys on the counter.

Donna raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms in that no-nonsense way only mothers seemed to master. “Sweetheart, you literally just got out of hospital. You need a proper bed and rest.”

“And I’ll have it,” Jensen replied, his jaw tightening. “But you’re not sleeping on the couch. It’s the principle of the thing. It’s not how you raised me and I’d never hear the end of it from Dad if he knew I let you.”

Donna rolled her eyes but didn’t budge. “It’s not like I’m a delicate flower, Jensen. The pullout is fine. I can handle a few nights.”

“It’s not happening, Mom. No way.”

She sighed and tried a different tack. “What about another room? It’s the same building, just a floor or two away. I can still be close if you need me.”

Jensen hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m not ready for that yet. Please, just stay here. I’d feel better knowing you’re right here if something happens.”

Her expression softened, the fight draining from her features as she studied him. “Alright,” she said gently. “I’ll stay here. But if you’re not sleeping well on that couch, pullout or not, we’re switching. No arguments.”

Jensen gave her a small, tired smile. “Deal. But don’t worry about me. I’ve slept on that thing plenty of times. I’ll be fine.”

Donna shook her head with a sigh of resignation. “Fine, but if I hear even one complaint, or you look tired, you’re back in your bed. And that’s final.”

“Fair enough.” Jensen grabbed a pillow and blanket for himself, unfolding the pullout as Donna helped. He could feel her watching him with quiet concern, but for now, he was just glad she was staying. Her presence was a comfort he wasn’t quite ready to give up, soon, but not yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first two days at home were a mix of relief and cautious optimism. He revelled in small comforts; a proper shower, food that didn’t come on a hospital tray, and the ability to stretch out without worrying about nurses bustling in and out. Donna hovered, but not so much that it grated on his nerves. 

Then, on the third evening, the calm was interrupted.

Jensen had been sitting on the couch, absently flipping through channels, when his body suddenly stiffened. His muscles locked, his eyes rolled back, and a low, guttural sound escaped his throat as the seizure overtook him. Donna was at his side in an instant, her voice steady and calm as she ensured he was safe. She kept a light hand on his arm, her movements practised, watching closely as the convulsions subsided.

It was over in less than a minute, shorter than the seizures he’d had before. As Jensen came to, his head lolled to the side, and his eyes fluttered open, heavy with exhaustion.

“I’m okay, Mom,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper, his words slurred with lingering disorientation. His eyelids drooped, and he didn’t quite meet her gaze.

“You scared me,” Donna said softly, brushing a damp strand of hair away from his forehead. Her voice carried concern but not panic, it didn’t matter how many times she had seen this before, it didn’t make it easier. “Didn’t you feel it coming on? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jensen hummed, a faint, noncommittal sound, his brow furrowing slightly as if he was trying to piece something together but couldn’t quite manage it.

“Right,” Donna said gently, deciding not to press him further. “Let’s get you lying down, sweetie.”

She helped ease him from his upright position on the couch until he was stretched out, tucking a pillow beneath his head and draping a light blanket over him. He mumbled something incoherent, already drifting off, and Donna sat beside him for a moment, watching his breathing even out.

“Rest now, honey,” she whispered, her hand resting lightly on his shoulder as he slipped into sleep.

The next few days were a blur of quiet recovery. Donna cooked, they watched movies, and Jared dropped by to check in, bringing snacks and dumb jokes to lighten the mood. They even managed a few short walks, exploring quiet neighbourhoods and taking in the fresh air. 

The absence seizures were still happening, slipping into his day like uninvited guests. Jensen was trying to get better at rolling with them, but their unpredictability gnawed at his confidence. He didn’t always notice them, but Donna and Jared did, their concern subtle yet persistent. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the morning of his return to set finally arrived, Jensen stood in front of the mirror, adjusting his shirt for the third time. His nerves were palpable, the weight of the day pressing on him as he thought about stepping back into the world he loved but had been away from for weeks. 

“You ready?” Jared’s voice came from the living room. 

Jensen stepped out, running a hand through his hair. “As I’ll ever be.” 

Jared grinned, standing to clap a hand on his shoulder. “Look, man, don’t stress. It’s just like before, alright? You’re healthier than you were two weeks ago, and we’ve got everything handled. Worst-case scenario, you flub a line… no big deal. We’ve all been there.” 

“Yeah,” Jensen muttered. “Just hope I don’t flub a whole scene or day.” 

Jared shook his head, his tone firm but encouraging. “Then we do another take. It’s not the end of the world. And if something bigger happens, we know how to deal with it now. You’ve got this.” 

Jensen gave a small, grateful nod. “Thanks, man.” 

As they headed to set, Jensen’s nerves were still there, but Jared’s words lingered in his mind, a steadying presence amid the chaos. Whatever came next, he wasn’t facing it alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The familiar sights and sounds of the Supernatural set greeted Jensen as he walked through the lot. The soft hum of generators, the clang of distant equipment, and the murmur of crew members bustling about stirred a mix of nerves and comfort in him. It had been weeks since he’d been here, and while the thought of stepping back into Dean’s boots was daunting, it also felt grounding. 

As soon as he entered, a production assistant directed him to Kripke’s office. Jensen straightened his shoulders and knocked, the door opening to reveal Eric Kripke and a man Jensen didn’t recognise. 

“Jensen!” Kripke greeted warmly, gesturing for him to come in. “Good to see you, man. How’re you feeling?” 

“Better,” Jensen replied, offering a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Ready to get back to it.” 

Kripke nodded, motioning to the other man. “This is Allan Kroeker. He’s directing the next episode, Faith. Thought it’d be good for you two to meet since this one’s pretty Dean-focused.” 

Allan extended a hand, his expression kind and professional. “Nice to meet you, Jensen. I’m looking forward to working with you.” 

“Same here,” Jensen replied, shaking his hand. 

Kripke leaned back against his desk, folding his arms. “Alright, let’s talk about the episode. So, here’s the deal. Dean gets electrocuted early on, which leaves him weak for most of the episode. You’ll be sitting, lying down, or taking it slow in a lot of scenes. It works perfectly with the circumstances.” 

Allan chimed in. “When Dean’s healed, most of the action scenes take place at night, so we’re planning to use body doubles for some of the exterior shots. We’re even thinking of shooting those with the second unit, see what they look like, just to get them in the bag. It’s all about better time management, get in front to relieve pressure when there are inevitable delays, but also keeping you comfortable while still delivering the episode we want.” 

Jensen nodded, absorbing their words. “Sounds manageable.” 

Kripke continued, “We also swapped the production schedule. Faith will air after Scarecrow, but we’re filming it first to give you more time. On top of that, long term, we’re restructuring things to build in longer breaks for you and Jared. If we’re more organized, we can use body doubles for blocking and certain shots, which means you’ll get longer breaks and occasional days off. It’s a win-win.” 

Jensen blinked, momentarily overwhelmed by their thoughtfulness. “That’s… wow. Thanks, really. I appreciate how much effort you’re putting into this.” 

Kripke gave him a reassuring smile. “We’re all in this together, we want this to work. Now, what do you need? Talk to us.” 

Taking a deep breath, Jensen began. “I’ve talked to my doctor, and I’ll need to take my meds at roughly 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. every day. It’s not negotiable. The good thing is, since people know now, I don’t have to sneak off to my trailer and hide it anymore.”

Kripke and Allan both nodded in understanding.

“I also need to stay on top of eating regularly and staying hydrated,” Jensen continued. “It would be helpful to have things like bottled water, muesli bars, or fruit around set. Just easy stuff to grab between takes.”

“We can absolutely do that,” Allan said, making a note. “I’ll talk to the crew and make sure we’ve got snacks and drinks stocked.”

“Thanks,” Jensen said with a small smile. “Also… I’m still having fairly consistent absence seizures. They’re short, usually just a few seconds, sometimes I don’t notice them. Other times, I do.” He hesitated, glancing between them. “I’m worried they might mess up filming.”

Kripke exchanged a look with Allan, both men thoughtful. “We’ll see how it goes,” Allan said finally. “If it happens, it happens. We’ll work with it.”

“Right,” Kripke added. “You’re not the first actor to deal with unexpected stuff on set. This isn’t insurmountable.”

The conversation shifted as they discussed other ways to make things easier for Jensen, like adjusting the schedule or adding a few extra breaks. Jensen appreciated the thoughtfulness, even as he worried about being seen as a burden.

Then, mid-discussion, Jensen’s words faltered, and his gaze drifted. His expression became blank for a few seconds, his focus somewhere else entirely.

Kripke and Allan waited patiently, their demeanour calm. When Jensen blinked and returned to the conversation, Allan gave him a reassuring smile.

“Right,” Jensen said softly, his voice tinged with embarrassment. “Sorry about that.”

“No need to apologise,” Allan said. “It’s barely noticeable. If it happens during a take, we’ll handle it. This is no big deal, Jensen. We can work around it.”

Allan hesitated before speaking again. “Jensen, would it be alright if we let the guest stars and supporting crew know about the seizures? Not everything, just enough so they understand. That way, if it happens and it’s not critical to the scene, they can roll with it. If you’re in the shot, I can decide if it’s noticeable… like a character break. If it is, we reshoot. If not, we move on.”

Jensen considered it for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine. Probably makes things easier for everyone.”

Allan smiled warmly. “Good. We’ll keep it simple, and no one’s going to overreact. Treat it like a flubbed line, it’s all part of the process.”

Relief washed over Jensen, and he exhaled slowly, the tension in his shoulders easing. “Thanks. That helps a lot.”

Kripke clapped a hand on his shoulder with a grin. “Good. Now let’s get to work. And Jensen? Welcome back.”

Jensen managed a small but genuine smile. “It’s good to be back.”

Chapter Text

The final days of filming Supernatural were bittersweet for Jensen. He walked through the set, feeling a sense of nostalgia, marvelling at how this space, a place that had seen so many transformations over the years, felt like home. The crew and cast members were family, especially Jared, who was currently trying (and failing, judging by Brad Creeser’s look of wary suspicion) to pull off one last prank. A chuckle escaped Jensen as he watched them. It was a moment that captured the spirit of this journey, and Jensen couldn’t help but reflect on just how much his life had changed over the past 15 years.

Back when they’d filmed the first season, it hadn’t been easy. He remembered those long days on set, the pressure to push through exhaustion, and the intense fear of revealing his epilepsy to anyone. He had been so focused on keeping his condition a secret, worried it would make him seem unreliable or weak. But when he finally admitted his struggles, the response he received was nothing like he’d feared. The entire team had rallied around him, eager to support him however they could. Those early days had seen some adjustments, changes in scheduling, subtle tweaks to routines, that soon became second nature to everyone. Small things, like keeping water and snacks nearby or pausing between takes when anyone needed a break, helped make the atmosphere on set both compassionate and sustainable.

Though they all worked hard, the job became less gruelling over time. They grew into a well-oiled machine, and the adjustments to accommodate his condition benefited everyone, encouraging them to care for each other and prioritise rest where they could. Even on days when exhaustion crept in, they knew how to manage it together. As the years passed, Jensen found himself more comfortable and grateful for the camaraderie that had grown out of those early struggles.

As Jensen looked back, he was particularly thankful for the friendship he’d built with Jared. After he’d been discharged from the hospital, he’d faced the uncertainty of balancing his health with the demands of the show, Donna had stayed with him in Vancouver as long as she could. But eventually, she’d needed to go back home and to work, and Jensen was left wondering how he’d manage alone. That was when Jared had come up with a plan. “We’ll just live together,” he’d said with his trademark grin. Production agreed, rearranging their accommodations so the two shared a house instead of separate hotel apartments. It worked perfectly; Jared was a comforting presence, giving Jensen space but also keeping an eye out, making it easy for Jensen to feel safe and supported without feeling smothered.

The absences and health scares that had initially concerned everyone stopped after the first couple of months. Jensen became increasingly comfortable managing his condition, finding his footing again with Jared’s steady support. They continued to live together during the early years of production, even as Jared travelled back to LA to see Sandy, then later Gen. Jensen, in turn, spent his breaks in LA with friends like Steve, Chris, and Jason, or stayed back in Vancouver, hanging out with Tom and Mike.

That house became home base, the place where he learned to manage his condition with a sense of independence and resilience. By the time Jared and Gen got serious, Jensen was more than ready to stand on his own.

Then there was Danneel. She was the best part of his life, his rock, his true partner. Jensen often wondered if they would’ve made it if he hadn’t learned to live with his epilepsy before meeting her. But maybe they would have, because, as Jensen saw it, they were simply meant to be.

Now he had her and their kids, the three of them his greatest joy. These last few months in lockdown, spent together, had been precious. Lazy mornings where the kids piled into bed with them, making and spending breakfast together, and afternoons lost to walks, games, movies, and laughter. It had been wonderful. Jensen relished the chaos of family life, the small moments that reminded him why everything else he did mattered. He would get to see them for a few weeks before heading to Toronto for The Boys. Another Kripke project, one he was excited about; Soldier Boy was a character he couldn’t wait to sink his teeth into.

Unlike his first days on Supernatural, there were no secrets about his epilepsy now. He had gone public about it eight years earlier, a decision Danneel encouraged him to make, not only for himself but as a way to help others. Though he never went into details about his personal struggles, he made it known that he managed the condition, even supporting a charity to raise awareness. That choice felt like the final step in accepting his epilepsy, no longer a burden, just a part of who he was.

His phone buzzed, and Jensen looked down to see a message from Steve, urging him to set up a time to record new music together. Their first album had done well, and Steve was eager to jump back into it. Jensen smiled, still in disbelief that he’d actually gone through with releasing music publicly, after years of just being a backup singer for Steve on his albums. It was another example of how much his life had expanded, thanks to the friendships and encouragement he’d found along the way.

But the years hadn’t been without struggles. Jared, his rock through so much, had dealt with bouts of depression, and Jensen had been there to support him, just as Jared had done for him countless times. Jensen was especially proud of Jared for turning his struggles into something powerful, creating Always Keep Fighting to help others facing similar battles. Watching Jared share his story and connect with fans on such a deep, personal level took strength that left Jensen in awe. They’d leaned on each other through everything, proving again and again that brotherhood went far beyond blood.

And Jensen’s epilepsy, though mostly controlled, had resurfaced from time to time, like when JJ was born. He should have known better, he’d learned long ago how stress and lack of sleep could be triggers, but it snuck up on him. Those first few months of fatherhood were a whirlwind of joy and exhaustion, with sleepless nights, diaper changes, and the overwhelming desire to be everything his daughter needed. It wasn’t long before the signs started creeping in: brief moments of confusion, then a bad seizure that left him in the hospital. Jensen had been frustrated with himself, feeling like he should’ve handled it better, but Danneel had been nothing but supportive. She managed their four-month-old while his parents stepped in to help, giving him the space to recover without guilt.

The Supernatural production team handled his delayed return without missing a beat, reshuffling schedules without hesitation to let him focus on his health. When he did come back, the cast and crew greeted him with pranks, joking that he’d just wanted an extended vacation.

That wasn’t the only his epilepsy had thrown him a curveball, though. He still remembered a stretch during Season 5 when a series of absences cropped up seemingly out of nowhere. For weeks, Jensen struggled to get them under control, working with doctors to tweak his medications once more. It was a rough time, both physically and mentally. He hated the uncertainty of never knowing when another episode might strike, or a worse one, hated the idea of being a liability to the show.

But if it caused frustration on set, Jensen never heard about it. The cast and crew rallied around him without hesitation, treating each interrupted scene as though it was nothing more than a minor flub. “Go again,” the directors would say, their voices calm and encouraging. As far as Jensen knew, production didn’t bat an eye, though he was certain the delays must have impacted the budget and schedule. No one ever mentioned it to him; it was a reminder of the incredible loyalty he’d found here, of a crew that felt more like family.

As he looked around at the set that had given him so much, Jensen knew that leaving Supernatural would be hard. These people, these moments, this shared history, they were embedded in his heart. He wasn’t sure what life after Supernatural would look like, but he felt ready. Ready to take on new roles, spend more time with his family, and maybe even record another album with Steve. There would be new chapters, new challenges, and new memories to make.

Jensen took a deep breath, smiling as he watched Jared finally succeed in pranking Brad. He thought back on the past 15 years, the whirlwind of it all, the ups and downs, the laughter and the late nights, the support, the love, and the bonds that had carried him through. He knew he would miss this life, but as he prepared to say goodbye, he also knew that Supernatural had given him something lasting: a family, and a deep gratitude for the journey that had led him here.

With that thought, he stepped onto the set for one of his final scenes, his heart full, knowing he’d carry these memories with him forever.