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The forest was quiet around them as the duo trotted carefully through the darkening forests. Gwaine was on high alert, his eyes darting from tree to tree and the shadows in between. Not a word had passed between the two since Merlin had arrived at Gwaine door that morning, interrupting his goodbyes to Eira, so Gwaine forgave himself for the slight startle he gave when Merlin’s voice broke through the silence
“I’m sorry,” the man spoke, softly into the damp air.
Gwaine frowned slightly at glanced at Merlin, still looking ahead in his saddle. “For what?”
“If I had known,” Merlin shrugged, seemingly uncomfortable. “I did not want to draw you early from your goodbyes. If I had known I would have asked another.”
Gwaine swallowed and forced the grin onto his face. “I’m wounded Merlin, I thought I was your man for questing. “
Merlin looked straight into Gwaine eyes; sadness, in their depths, resignation in the small quirk to his lips and gave a small shrug. “Things change.”
Gwaine thought on how true that statement really was and how those two words could fairly some up his many years in Camelot’s walls. ‘Yes’ he mused as Merlin darted his gaze away, guiltily and jaggedly ‘some things definitely changed’.
Gwaine maybe should have felt guilt at the slump in Merlin’s shoulders, the uncomfortable biting at his lips and the sadness lurking heavier each day in his eyes. But he was tired, and he had waited long enough.
“It is uncomplicated,” Gwaine shrugged, going for non-chalonce and failing but Merlin’s eyes were fixed steadily the neck of his steed.
“That… that must be nice.”
“It is,” Gwaine nodded.
“Then I am happy for you.”
Merlin’s face looked anything but happy, it looked broken and as tired as Gwaine felt, but the man mustered a small heart felt smile for Gwaine and Gwaine felt his heart swell and break simultaneously, a feat only Merlin could ever achieve.
Gwaine didn’t want to be out here traipsing through the wilderness, he didn’t want to drop everything he had at the drop of a hat to the first glimpse of blue eyes, he didn’t want to feel the tightening in his gut at the thought of someone else accompanying Merlin.
Gwaine grit his jaw and squeezed his hands around the reigns of his horse.
Gwaine didn’t want Merlin to be happy for him. Merlin knew exactly what Gwaine wanted from him, and Gwaine knew that Merlin couldn’t - wouldn’t - give it to him.
THE END