Chapter Text
He moved swiftly down the corridor, nearly breaking into a run but somehow unable to force himself to do so.
A captain sprinting through his own ship was not exactly dignified, yet every nerve in his body urged him to go faster.
It felt strange to be so torn over something as simple as whether to run or not, but he knew he needed to hurry. He was already late.
His strides were as long and quick as he could manage without alarming the crewmen he passed along the way.
A strange sense of déjà vu gnawed at him. He had received a message like this before, and that time he had not acted fast enough. That time he had let her go to be… violated… and had almost lost her.
Now, it was happening again. Or maybe it was. Something certainly was.
When he first saw her resignation, his instinct had been to check for a magnetic storm, as though that might somehow explain it. It was foolish, and he knew better, but he wasn’t feeling as clear-headed as he would have liked.
But he did know he was not supposed to have seen the message yet. She had requested it be delayed, but a system reset after the grenade damage had overridden the delay. If not for that reset, he would not have seen it for another 48 hours.
He shook his head as he maintained his rapid pace toward the transporter room.
His ribs still hurt, and his head throbbed with a pounding, constant reminder of his last reckless decision. She would know that. She always did. She had just patched him up again, after all.
He had thought she seemed quieter than usual, but he had not paid much attention to it. Or, he had paid some attention to it. He had just chosen not to address it knowing he had failed to follow her advice… as he faintly recalled.
Perhaps he had brushed off her concerns or refused to discuss something she wanted to address. He was not certain. However, he had been planning to speak with her. Once everything else was handled, he had wanted to see her. There was something he had intended to apologize for.
Since he had left her on Casperia Prime, nothing had gone as he hoped.
The moment he departed, he realized leaving her a message on a PADD had been a mistake. He should have spoken to her directly. Perhaps he should even have asked her to come back with him.
He shook his head inwardly in frustration. Why was he always like this? She did not demand much of him; he knew that. She had never been unreasonable. Yet, somehow, he managed to make her feel as if she was.
He could hear his own voice in his mind, sharp and defensive, insisting she was asking too much, even when he knew she was not.
He quickened his pace and felt his heart pounding hard in his chest. He was almost there. He assumed he had managed to stop the transporters in time.
He reached the transporter room and paused for a brief second outside the doors before the motion sensors registered his presence, and the doors slid open before he felt ready.
Inside, the room was quiet, apart from the buzzing sound of the transporter systems on standby.
A single tech stood at the console and looked a little startled.
He walked in without slowing and looked across the room.
“Leave us,” he said sharply, leaving no room for argument.
The tech nodded quickly and walked out almost as swiftly as Jean-Luc had walked in. The doors hissed shut again, leaving him alone in the room. Alone, except for… her.
She stood on the transporter pad with her travel case at her feet. Her hands were clasped loosely in front of her. She looked calm at first glance, but he knew better. She was not only guarded, she was furious.
But there was also the look he knew from when she had prepared herself for something painful. And that was the look that hit him like a blow to the gut. He would prefer the outright anger right about now.
“Beverly,” he said, somehow deciding that an attack was his best course of action in that moment… “what the hell is this?”
Her calm exterior faltered for the briefest of moments, and he wasn’t exactly sure what he saw in her eyes… regret, perhaps, or pain. And both of those terrified him when he saw her on that pad.
She took in a deep breath and straightened even more than she already had.
“It is exactly what it says, Captain,” she replied evenly. “My resignation. I have already explained everything. So, if there’s nothing more, I would appreciate that you unlock the transporter.”
“Nothing more… Beverly…” He wasn’t sure whether to be angry, hurt, or deeply ashamed.
Her use of his title stung more than it ever had before, and he took a step closer to the transporter pad while he curled his hands into fists at his sides.
“That is not an explanation,” he shot back, looking at the PADD he had been carrying in his hand the entire time. “It is barely more than a notification. You are leaving, Beverly. Just like that. And you expect me to accept it without question?”
Her lips tightened, and she looked away, focusing on some unseen point in the corner of the room. “It is not that simple, you’re right,” she admitted softly. “But it is necessary.”
“Necessary?” he repeated in an incredulous tone. “Necessary for whom? For you to walk away without so much as a conversation? Without telling me why?”
Her eyes snapped back to him and suddenly looked very unwavering. “I don’t think I owe you an explanation anymore, Jean-Luc. I have tried. Over and over.”
The words hit like a slap, no, a punch right in his face, and for a moment, he could only stare at her.
She had always been measured, always precise, but something here felt different. She was deliberately shutting him out and keeping a formal distance that she hadn’t for years.
“I think you do,” he said finally. His voice had softened a bit, but it was still intense. “After everything, I think I deserve at least that.”
She scoffed. “After everything, I am done trying to explain anything more…”
He shook his head and felt himself getting overly frustrated. “After everything? You are leaving, Beverly! Is there… someone else?”
“Oh, your ego, Jean-Luc…” she bit back. Her eyes flashed, but instead of anger, he thought he saw something far more vulnerable there… perhaps even fear. She looked away again and started wringing her hands.
“Jean-Luc…” she finally sighed. “There’s no one for me… but you, and there hasn’t been for a long time. But I have also known for far too long that I will never be enough. That what we have will always come second, sometimes third,” she said quietly, almost so softly that he couldn’t hear. “So now I am making a choice. For… us both. For…” Her voice trailed off.
She stepped back, placing herself squarely on the transporter pad.
“Please, do not make this harder than it already is,” she said. Her voice was firm, but her face wasn’t, and he could see the tears there and felt a lump forming in his own throat.
“Beverly…” he started, taking another step toward her, but she shook her head sharply.
“No, Jean-Luc… No more. Please. Computer, energize, authorization Crusher-Bravo-128783.”
“Computer, maintain transporter shutdown. Authorization Picard-Echo-391875.”
Her chin quivered. “Dammit, Jean-Luc.”