Chapter Text
“Hey, Doc…” Will poked his head into sickbay.
“Hi, Will…” Beverly greeted him neutrally, and her tone was more subdued than he was used to. But then again, he hadn’t expected her to be in high spirits.
“What can I do for you?”
“Oh, you know… just checking in. Acting captain and all,” he said with a smirk, trying to lighten the mood.
She returned a brief, habitual smile. “Well, not much to check in on, which I’d think we’re both happy about.”
“Why are you still here, Beverly? We’ll be in spacedock for at least another month. Take some leave, get some fresh air.”
She sighed, running her hands over her face before leaning back in her chair, regarding her friend.
“Not that your dedication isn’t appreciated, Doc, but… you also have a mountain of shore leave accumulated…”
She scoffed lightly at the comment.
After a beat, Will asked, “Did he stop by before he left?”
“Briefly.”
“And…?” He arched a brow.
“And nothing, Will. He’s put in for three months of leave, as you well know…”
“To spend on Ba’ku?” Will looked incredulous.
Beverly nodded, feeling frustrated when she was unable to stop her chin from quivering slightly. She quickly tried to rein it in, but Will noticed, of course.
“Beverly, I’m sorry… if it’s any consolation, which I know it isn’t, I’m as surprised as you are… that he’s actually doing this. We all are.”
She sighed again, and when he stepped closer to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder, she leaned into it.
“Yes, well… we should be happy for him. The leave is well-earned… and…”
“The hell we should…” Will muttered, then bit back his words as he saw the pain she was trying to hide.
Beverly continued as if he hadn’t protested. “…and that he’s finally found somewhere he wants to spend his leave…” Her voice trailed off.
“Did he say anything at all before he left?”
She shook her head and looked down. “Nothing I haven’t heard before… he said he’d be back in a few months. Told me I should take leave, too.” Her voice dropped.
“Jean-Luc Picard taking three months’ leave. That’s… big.” Will added.
Beverly looked at nothing. “Will, we both know why.”
“Anij?”
She nodded, pressing her lips together, before letting out a mirthless laugh. “I half-expected him to come by… make sure the ship was ready, that we were all… on our feet. But he didn’t even care to…”
“Care to what?”
“…to look back,” she mumbled.
Will leaned against the wall, studying her expression. “Is he still feeling the effect of that planet? More so than the rest of us?”
She shook her head. “No, I ran a thorough scan. He’s the same as you.”
Will hesitated. “Maybe… the experience down there, Anij, the Insurrection… it might’ve affected him in a way we didn’t see.”
She looked at him, more resigned than he thought he had ever seen her. “It’s a place that makes you feel young, carefree… and he found it with a woman who taught him to live in the moment. Something I was nev…” She caught herself.
“Beverly…”
“I want him to be happy, Will.” She said trying to steady herself.
“I know. But… you can’t be sure he…”
She held up her hand, cutting him off. “I think he said everything he needed to by leaving.”
He sighed and turned to leave the room but paused at the doorway, looking back over his shoulder.
“Hey, Doc … she doesn’t even know how to swim, you know…”
Beverly sighed. “That only means Jean-Luc gets to feel like the action hero whenever she gets her feet wet.“
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That night, Beverly sat curled up in the corner of her couch with her legs tucked beneath her and a cup of Earl Grey in her hands.
It wasn’t her preferred tea, and she was starting to feel annoyed that she had even chosen it, and yet… it triggered a memory from right before they had beamed down to Ba’ku.
Jean-Luc had pulled her close to him after breakfast and started moving her around in a tango.
The way he had looked at her then…hungrily, and how close their lips had been …
Annoyingly, her heart raced at the thought. For a brief moment then, it had felt as if they were the only two people in the universe.
But once they had arrived on Ba’ku, everything had shifted. He had become nothing but captain to her and barely acknowledged her existence.
And today, she’d had dinner alone
For the past several years, they had shared not only breakfast but, more often than not, dinner as well. And while they hadn’t really said it out loud, she’d thought there was an unspoken understanding between them… something natural and lasting that filled in what they for some reason hadn’t said aloud. At least, she’d assumed there was.
Now, though, she was starting to question everything she’d allowed herself to believe.
He had simply left, and he wouldn’t be back for months. He had left his ship. And he had left… her.
She wasn’t close to processing any of it yet.
If she were honest, she was still numb from their time together on Ba’ku, where she’d watched him drift away from her so completely in the span of a day.
Whatever youth, energy, or courage the planet had brought him, it certainly hadn’t drawn him toward her.
The others had described feeling amplified… more free, more open and with their natural tendencies brought to the surface… but he… hadn’t, at least not in any way that included her. Or worse yet, he had, and she simply didn’t know him, or them, as well as she’d thought.
She rose and paced the room restlessly, feeling her doubt and confusion boiling over into something sharper… anger, or at least something easier to grasp than the pain just beneath it.
Running a hand through her hair, she thought back to what Will had said. He was right; she did have a mountain of leave saved up.
Even Jean-Luc had urged her to take it, after all. And he’d certainly never specified where.
They’d all received an open invitation to Ba’ku, and it wouldn’t be out of character for her to pay the place a visit. She’d have an easy excuse… visiting the village markets, admiring the craftsmanship of the weavers.
She wouldn’t be there to check up on him. Not technically. But she couldn’t sit there for the next three months, stewing in questions, driving herself mad.
If she didn’t matter to him, better to find that out now. And if he’d finally found someone lasting, well… better she knew so she could be happy for him.
Yes. It made sense to go.
And as she packed, she also couldn’t quite shake the gut feeling that something wasn’t right.
A voice in the part of her that didn’t only believe, but knew she meant more to him than his behavior implied. Just as he’d somehow known it, too, the time she had left him for Ronin.
It wasn’t an articulate thought; more like a truth she felt deep in her body.
She pulled a small bag from her closet and tossed in a few random pieces of clothing before slumping down onto the floor for a moment.
This was not her. She wasn’t the kind to chase anyone… not really. Except, perhaps, for that one time when she’d requested her current posting.
She shook her head and hated him. But then she rose, kept packing, and steeled herself.