Chapter Text
I stepped out of the house into a sunny and mild December day. As I walked through the neighborhood streets to get to central Shinjuku, I marveled at the bustling life on a Friday afternoon.
Salarymen rushed in their suits from street to street to fulfill their daytime business obligations. Tourists with backpacks and roller bags ambled along, pausing from shop to shop. Girls in cosplay and thick makeup strolled along accompanied by shopping bags.
Ever since I graduated from medical school, my trips to Tokyo or Osaka were relatively rare. Twenty years had done a wonder on life in central Tokyo. Yet in many ways, it was the same as ever.
I had arrived at a station entrance. I checked my phone for the time. It was 2:50pm, so I had arrived 10 minutes early.
Akane already stood standing on the side of the main staircase. She wore a brown wool sweater, dark leggings, and fur boots. Her light blue purse on the side effortlessly matched her hair. She epitomized cool beauty, one that I had forgotten while I was working alongside tired nurses and doctors in the countryside.
“Gorou-kun, you came early!” Her eyes opened in a surprise as she recognized me approaching from afar.
She eyed me up and down and smiled. I was unashamedly wearing one of Aqua’s outfits as my own.
“Akane-san, it’s great to see you again.” I replied.
“It’s good that you were able to see my message. I was wondering whether you would’ve had everything sorted through so quickly.” She looked embarrassed as if she felt that she had pushed us into meeting a little early.
“It was really nothing. I have plenty of free time without a job.” I joked.
“Since you don’t know Tokyo that well, I picked out a place for us. Do you like fruits and sweets, Gorou-kun?”
I nodded. I did like fruits and sweets. It was safe to say that my food preferences between Aqua and Gorou wouldn’t have changed.
“Great! It’s right nearby. The place is really popular on Instagram, but it shouldn’t be too busy right now.”
Instagram?
We walked to the entrance of the dessert place. As the waitress seated us, I was presented with the menu. My eyes popped open as soon as I saw the price tag.
What in the manner of inflation was this? The prices looked at least twice as high from the last time I came to Tokyo.
The desserts… looked equally as inflated calorie and sugar-wise compared to before. I would explicitly warn my pregnant patients against consuming these monstrosities.
“Gorou-kun, are you surprised at the price? Don’t worry, I know you’re getting up on your feet. I can cover everything today!”
Akane had suggested this place without a second thought. Was this girl printing money as a hobby?
I had borrowed some money from Ruby, but I needed to make it last. I, a hopeless adult, didn’t want to ask her again anytime soon.
“That’s a little…,” I began.
“I’m covering it for today, Gorou-kun.” Her voice said with finality that it was end of story.
I bowed my head meekly as I then let her choose.
“Hm… what about this melon parfait? It looks really good!”
I looked over at where she was pointing. “Oh, this melon isn’t in season right now, so it won’t taste as good as it normally does. Should we choose a safer option for today?”
“Oh my, you’re unexpectedly knowledgable Gorou-kun! Then, what do you think about the chocolate parfait?”
I nodded.
“Let’s go with the chocolate parfait then!” She closed the menu in apparent satisfaction.
Hmm. My rumblings on inflation aside, I was quite hungry. Was she going to order a second parfait? I couldn’t say a peep given she was going to be the one paying for it, right? Did this mean we would need to share the parfait?
She looked oblivious to my concern as she spoke her order and returned the menu to the waitress. She glanced at my awkward face and chuckled, as if she were in good spirits.
She broached a topic that had simmering on my mind. “Hey Gorou-kun. I guess you’re wondering why I’m not feeling too sad over Aqua-kun?”
“Well, I guess I have been wondering that. It would be a little awkward for me to bring it up directly.” I scratched the back of my head.
“I can’t deny that I’m feeling sad. But at the same time, I feel really hopeful. It’s that… I’m glad that I have the chance to help you for the first time.”
She leaned over to observe me more closely. “I saw a lot of similarities between you and Aqua-kun. So that’s why I believed Ruby-chan’s story that you two were the same person. But at the same time, you’re also quite different from him.”
I tilted my head. I honestly wasn’t sure what I expected from Aqua.
“Aqua-kun was always so closed off and emotionally distant. I never really knew what he was thinking. And whatever course of action he decided, he would bear that alone.”
“You’re more expressive on your face than he ever was. You’re open and quite happier.”
I touched my face as I heard these words. Me – open, expressive, and happy?
Well, the expressive part was true for the last few days.
I had gone through my whole emotional range - from being reunited with Sarina, learning of Ai’s death, and finally being scorned by Kana. These range of emotions must have shown on my face like a big plasma TV. Normally, I’d be more reserved.
Lastly, at the end of the day, was I happy? I didn’t know. But if I averaged out as neutral, then Aqua… he must’ve been perpetually gloomy and shrouded in darkness.
“I always wanted to be helpful to Aqua-kun. But it seemed that, even at the very end, I could never be his real partner-in-crime. He never wanted to use me when it mattered the most.”
She looked downcast. It seemed like she partly blamed herself for Aqua’s loss. So, this was how Aqua used to be.
It reminded me of the time that I was gloomy myself. After Sarina’s death, I spent days wallowed away in misery, drinking my way towards alcoholism and depression. But Ai had brought me back into the light.
Had Aqua had entered his depressive state after Ai had died? Her death would have been a harrowing experience for anyone, especially for me.
But even so, that would have been almost 15 years ago. Had Aqua never found another oshi? Had he never found another purpose in living?
I wanted some clarification on Aqua’s motives. “Akane-san… you don’t have to answer if you feel uncomfortable. But I wanted to know, why did Aqua fight with Hikaru?”
This was one of the things about Aqua that seemed uncharacteristic about me. I was never the type to seek out fights nor be inconsiderate of others. What could have inspired Aqua to take on this mutual fight to the death?
I could tell that Aqua meant an enormous amount to his friends, and he would have been aware of that. Therefore, with that in mind, he would have never offered up his life lightly.
Akane sighed. “I could only guess that he did that to protect Ruby-chan. Hikaru was a walking threat to Ruby-chan’s life, so Aqua-kun felt compelled to act. But I just don’t know why he had to specifically throw his life away.”
Akane’s voice started choking. “If… it weren’t for you coming back to life, I don’t know what I would do with myself. I don’t want to think about your death anymore. I’m just glad that you’re back.”
As she finished, I felt a familiar feeling of guilt pile up. I was the one responsible for her feelings of guilt and helplessness. I was responsible for Kana pacing her way endlessly through the shores. I was responsible for nearly leaving Ruby alone in this world.
More than anything else, I was glad that I hadn’t died. If I died, then how could I take responsibility for all of my sins?
I welcomed being alive and feeling guilt. Guilt was an old friend to me.
My old guilt had driven me into studying hard as a child, going into medical school, and finally specializing as an obstetrician. My new guilt would push me into reconnecting with Aqua’s friends and resolving their despair.
My life had meaning. I could serve others.
I turned to face Akane. “I don’t know what Aqua was like, or what he really went through. All I’ve heard from him have been scraps from you and Ruby-chan.”
“But I fully believe what you say. I’ll be sure to never repeat the same mistake that he does. I’ll be glad to have you as my partner-in-crime, Akane-san.”
The wrinkles on Akane’s forehead smoothed out as her face bloomed with a brilliant smile.
“That’s right. We’re partners-in-crime now, Gorou-kun. No keeping any secrets from me. Whatever is on your mind, you have to tell me!”
I felt inspired by Ruby’s pinkie swear. I prepared my pinkie in response to validate our promise. But wait. Wasn’t it rude to copy other people’s gestures?
I awkwardly stuck my pinkie back in as I raised my hand and offered her a handshake instead.
Upon seeing this, Akane couldn’t help but burst out in laughter. Her hands spasmed as she shook my hand up and down.
“Hahaha!! Gorou-kun, you’re so old fashioned! I can’t breathe…”
I was wronged. I was trying to be cool at first, you know?
The waitress finally arrived with our order. As she brought our parfait onto the table, she slotted two spoons in, one on each side.
Sigh. After the partner talk, I couldn’t refuse anymore. I was a little too old for this, so I would just pretend that nothing was wrong.
Right as I scooped in and took my first bite, Akane yelped in terror. “Gorou-kun, I forgot to take a picture!”
???
She handed over her smartphone to me. Displayed on the screen was a live feed of the camera view. She then explained to me like she would an elementary school student.
“Gorou-kun, you can take a picture by pressing the white button on the bottom of the screen. Make sure to not cover the camera on the back with your finger.” Right. I knew that.
Just as I pointed the phone towards her, she interjected. “Wait!! I’m not ready yet!”
She then rotated the parfait to make sure the side I took a bite out of would be hidden. Very clever. She adjusted her hair and clothes to make sure nothing was out of place.
“Okay, are you ready? One, two, three…”
As soon as I started my countdown, Akane started snickering. Finally, she couldn’t hold back and held her head with her hands as she convulsed with laughter.
“You were about to say cheese, right?? No one says that anymore! That’s exactly something that Aqua would do!”
On the outside, I groaned as I heard her laugh on and on. But on the inside, I was smiling. I was glad to be so similar to Aqua that I could give comfort to his grieving friends.
We returned to our parfait. As I took my second bite, I could see Akane’s face redden. I looked down on my spoon and realized that I had forgotten that we’d rotated the parfait. I had used both spoons.
“I could ask for another spoon from the waitress,” I suggested.
Before I could finish, Akane took a scoop out of the ice cream using my first spoon and brought it to her mouth. Her face was officially a well-ripe tomato. Well, problem solved!
===
It was just past five in the afternoon, and the December sun had already set.
Akane and I strolled out of the store to see the Christmas lights in full display around the station. The lights wrapped around the trees and shone their bright harmony of yellow and white.
Now that I had established my friendship with Akane, I could start putting my worries towards other friends.
I asked her about Kana.
“Akane-san, are you close to Arima-san? I’m thinking about how I can approach her. Neither Ruby nor I have heard from her since yesterday. She probably doesn’t believe my story at all.”
Akane thoughtfully mused.
“We’ve had our differences in the past, but I’d say that we’re solid friends.”
“Kana-chan is a little bit tricky. She can be stubborn and emotional at times. But on the whole, she’s a good person who cares deeply about her friends.”
I nodded. Akane understood Kana well. Based on what Akane said, Kana’s behavior made sense to me.
Akane continued. “Gorou-kun, are you worried that Kana-chan will refuse to listen to you?”
I sighed. My mind flashed back to Kana’s furious face.
“Yes. After Arima-san shouted at me like that, she made me feel like I was a terrible person and a horrific liar. I’m not sure if my heart can take seeing her yell at me again.”
I had always been observant and sensitive to other people’s feelings, after all. Kana hated me to her very core. There was no way I could approach her again without trepidation.
Akane responded.
“Then, here’s what I think, Gorou-kun. Kana-chan at her key is an honest, emotional, and sincere person. If you can move her with your determination and honesty, she’ll respond to you.”
“She will yell at you no matter what. But you will have to show her that you’re serious about your story.”
I smiled. This wasn’t going to be easy. I would need to prepare myself.
“What do you think is the best way to reach out to her then? She won’t respond to Ruby’s texts or calls.”
Akane put a finger to her lips as she thought.
“Why don’t you just show up at Kana-chan’s doorstep directly? I don’t think she’ll ignore you if you show the commitment to go all the way to her apartment.”
Yikes, that was scary. Nothing could go wrong with that, right? Nevertheless, it seemed like a solid option given Kana’s personality.
“Thank you, Akane-san. You’ve made me feel a lot better. I’ll give talking to Arima-san tomorrow a shot then.” I smiled.
As we continued walking, I wasn’t looking ahead and got my head tangled underneath a nearby tree’s mixture of branches and lights.
Akane chuckled as she saw me comb my hair to get the debris off.
She spoke up. “Gorou-kun, you wouldn’t remember it at all, but we’ve seen these lights before many times together. You’ve even worn the same outfit once.”
Interesting. She was definitely implying something with that statement. I bit the bullet and asked her directly.
“Do you mean that we were in a relationship before, Akane-san?”
Akane smiled. “That’s right, Gorou-kun. We had dated for quite a long time. I knew you would figure it out eventually, so I didn’t want you to get the news secondhand or from a TV show.”
So she was an ex. Wait, what? From a TV show?
A whole new list of questions started popping up in my head, including inappropriate ones. No, no, that wasn’t good. Akane and the others were likely barely of age. I shook my head to get my mind out of the gutter. I was a gentleman who didn’t prey on young girls.
I went back to my safe question instead. “What do you mean by TV show, Akane-san?”
Akane blushed again as she answered. “Er, we met each other and started dating through a reality TV dating show.”
This was mind-blowing to me. My personal love life was exposed like that?
“Do you mean that our romance was publicly aired on TV?”
“Mmm. I don’t mind if you give it a watch, Gorou-kun. We even kissed at the end.”
“I can’t believe it. So this is the stuff that people are watching on TV nowadays.”
As I made an off-hand comment, my eyes strayed towards Akane’s lips. Completely smooth with a healthy shade of pink. Her closed lips seemed to invite me towards something that was forbidden.
I pursed my own lips as I cut out that train of thought. This was not the time to be thinking of that. Nevertheless, this kid Aqua… he must have been enjoying his youth.
All of a sudden, I came to a startling realization on Akane’s side. Meeting Akane, kissing her, and walking under this very tree. I remembered none of it.
Akane was one-sidedly handling the burden of carrying on the memories of the relationship. How much would it hurt to look and talk with a person who remembered nothing about you?
I was the one asking innocent yet hurtful questions. The kind of questions that meant that none of their previous experiences with me meant anything.
Akane looked so innocent as she quietly walked alongside me. But was she happy carrying that burden of knowledge inside?
I asked quietly. “Then, Akane-san, do you wish that I’d get my memories back as quickly as possible?”
I don’t know why I asked that question. I dreaded hearing the answer. I was afraid of Aqua’s friends leaving me one by one if my memories continued to be locked down.
But I had to know. If they answered yes, then I could prepare myself for the inevitable.
Akane redirected the question right back at me. “Gorou-kun, do you want your memories back as Aqua?”
I was confused at her question. “Of course I do! Without his memories, I feel like I don’t belong in this world at all. I can’t remember anything about Aqua’s friends, family, or even what he did!”
The world had advanced 20 years in a blink of an eye and I had been left behind. I was a fish desperately swimming upstream to rebuild friends and family, a career, and a sense of belonging.
If I had Aqua’s memories, I could fit in with just a snap. I could pop into Kana and Mem-cho’s house with a simple, “I’m back!” and solve everything.
Akane stopped and turned towards me with her hands behind her back. Her dangling hair brushed softly over the front of her shoulder as she leaned slightly forward. Her eyes looked toward me with earnestness and honesty.
“Well, this might be selfish on my end, but I hope that you can stay as you are, Gorou-kun.”
What did she mean by that? Did she not want me to remember the times we had shared together? I was now bewildered.
I opened my mouth to ask. “What do you mean, Akane-san?”
She smiled and resumed walking.
“It’s nothing. It’s just a feeling I have.”