Work Text:
r/coworkerstories 2 yr. ago
u/deathby_chainsaw
My coworker just chased me around with a chainsaw
So I am a probational first responder, and at a more gruesome scene I may or may not have thrown up. My coworker/mentor was NOT happy that it happened (he’s been harder than normal on me lately and it’s honestly kind of freaking me out.) When we got back to the station, HE STARTED TO CHASE ME AROUND WITH A FUCKING CHAINSAW! I managed to hide away in our (awesome) Captain’s office. According to another coworker, he’s just sad, but do sad people chase other people with chainsaws?
~~
u/CluckingHen
You never even saw that chainsaw. Stop trying to gaslight Reddit.
u/deathby_chainsaw
IT STILL HAUNTS MY DREAMS!
u/SparkleSeraph
Do you know why he has the chainsaw in the first place? I feel like he would need a specific reason to be holding it…
u/deathby_chainsaw
He said that he wanted to “teach me something” but I wasn’t buying it for a second
u/dudeman
That’s suspicious…
/\/\/\/\/\/\
r/AskReddit 2 yr. ago
u/deathby_chainsaw
Are my coworkers dating?
If you’ve seen my post on r/coworkerstories, you know that I work with some… *interesting* people. Well today is no different and I am about to lose my shit.
I have these two coworkers (let’s call them Freddie and Chuck) that have probably the weirdest relationship known to mankind. I first started working with them last year and they were a little TOO compatible, you know? They are both the same person yet completely opposite. Sometimes, it was sickening to look at them for more than ten seconds. They argued like a married couple, but at the end of the day they were THE power couple. Like I genuinely thought they were married. They even have a kid ffs.
But I apparently(?) was proven wrong when Freddie came back after he was SHOT. That’s right, internet. He was SHOT and we don’t even work with guns!
Anyway, after Freddie came back to work after being shot on the job, Chuck didn’t seem right. Before, they were attached at the hip. Now? They rarely talk on calls and even less at the house.
Even worse? Freddie has a girlfriend. Apparently he’s HAD a girlfriend. Since wayyy before he was shot. I only met her because she came to our workplace during the blackout in LA. It didn’t seem like Freddie had any interest in her being there, which was a bit odd. But Chuck didn’t seem phased. Down, sure, but he knew about this woman apparently. I ended up taking the GF on a tour of our workplace instead.
That next week I find out that Freddie broke up with this woman. But Chuck didn’t seem any different. But then again Chuck had some family drama so maybe he wasn’t focusing on relationships? But Freddie’s energy towards Chuck felt pretty neutral.
Until they were kidnapped. (I am only including this part of the story because neither their names nor pictures were released so I’m not doxxing them)
My team was at that prison riot where two of our members were kidnapped by escaped prisoners. Those two members happened to be Freddie and Chuck.
Now, I was obviously stuck in the prison at the time, but apparently, according my source in the LAPD ((fake name) Minerva pls don’t kill me), Chuck almost lost it when he thought one of the prisoners. Like “about to commit a crime” lost it. Apparently their kid was threatened? At this point I thought they were back together.
Currently in our story is where I REALLY think they got divorced:
At our Christmas party the other day, Freddie told us that he QUIT, AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. Chuck was clearly lost, like he wasn’t consulted in this process. And mind you, they are partners on the job.
I overheard them arguing later, and Freddie said something so absolutely foul, I’m surprised that Chuck didn’t throw hands. **Freddie heavily insinuated that Chuck wasn’t the father of the kid that they so clearly coparent** and I honestly felt so bad for him. Like that man had to walk about before crimes were committed.
My working theory is that they’re divorced for multiple reasons:
- Freddie’s girlfriend
- That Christmas party fiasco when Freddie told Chuck he wasn’t his kid’s father
- There’s this moment in Team History that is actually CALLED “The Divorce” and every time someone brings it up, Chuck thinks the wall is the most interesting thing in the world and Freddie looks like he wants to punch something.
So that’s the end so far, and I am honestly so bamboozled. What do you guys think about all of this?
TL;DR - My coworkers have such a messy relationship I can’t tell if they’re together or not. I think they’re divorced but I’m not sure.
~~
u/PrincessPea
Bro I couldn’t comprehend half of this post wtf
u/deathby_chainsaw
Me neither and I’ve LIVED IT
u/chimneySWEEP
I definitely was not supposed to see this
u/deathby_chainsaw
No you were not
u/porkpie
Coworker?
u/chimneySWEEP
Yup.
u/porkpie
That’s going to be a fun meeting
u/chowder14
Do you really think they’re dating? You kids and your dumbass theories. You leave those grown men alone.
u/deathby_chainsaw
Take one good look at me and ask if I give a fuck.
/\/\/\/\/\/\
r/AskReddit 1 yr. ago
u/deathby_chainsaw
[UPDATE] Are my coworkers dating?
I am back with another installment of my batshit crazy coworkers. Here’s the post from almost six months ago if you want background.
So.
Freddie has been back (WHERE HE BELONGS) for about a month now and it’s been wild. He ended up quitting and moved over to the lovely 9-1-1 Dispatch Center (or whatever you call it idk we just call them Dispatch) for around six months. The station was so sad you would have thought someone died.
Apparently, Freddie had quit active duty because he thought his son (Columbus) wanted him to. That whole fight at the Christmas party, when Freddie basically said that Chuck wasn’t Columbus’ father, was Freddie telling Chuck what he *assumed* Columbus told him.
The crazy part? Columbus never told him to quit. He told him that he was scared of his dad dying (aren’t we all).
But back to my point.
If you’re in LA or close to it, you saw that one of the dispatch centers burned down. And do we all know who was in there while it was burning?
Say it with me, class.
That’s right! Freddie was in that damn building.
We got to the scene and it was chaotic but Freddie had started to organize everything. It was honestly pretty iconic and I thought that Chuck was about to make out with him right then and there.
That was Freddie’s unofficial first day back.
Anyway Freddie and Chuck are partners on the job again and now the two of them are even weirder at work someone help me.
TL;DR - Freddie is back at work due to a fire at his old job and a misunderstanding with his kid. Chuck has gotten weirder and I’m gonna throw up (again)
~~
u/Christ_Columbus_1492
Imagine not knowing about your coworker’s personal lives. Couldn’t be me.
u/deathby_chainsaw
Do not tell your father.
u/Christ_Columbus_1492
Buy my silence
u/deathby_chainsaw
Hater
200 Robux
u/Christ_Columbus_1492
Deal.
u/c00chieDestr0yer666
Did we just… find the kid these two are co-parenting?
u/Lack_of_Sense
can’t wait for the update
u/nickelodEON_SLIME
If your guys aren’t dating I’m drowning my head in the toilet
u/deathby_chainsaw
Preaching to the choir
/\/\/\/\/\/\
r/tifu 1 yr. ago
u/deathby_chainsaw
TIFU For thinking my coworkers were divorced and telling them as much but in reality they never even dated
So this is related to these two posts. I am writing this during my first shift back since posting the r/AskReddit update from the other day.
I decided to bite the bullet and ask Freddie and Chuck if they were back together after the divorce, and how *their* kid was doing.
The reactions of the team:
- One person was laughing a little too hard
- One person just HAD to tell Chuck’s sister what I said
- Freddie looked like he wanted to leave
- The Captain ACTUALLY left
- Chuck looked a little too confused for my liking
In the end, it was Freddie who cleared the air. His exact words were, “I hate to break it to you u/deathby_chainsaw, but we were never married.”
By this point the entire room is laughing (except Chuck - I think he felt bad for me?) INCLUDING THE CAPTAIN. I have never felt more embarrassed in my life.
So, I decided to try and justify myself and asked about the divorce.
Apparently, “the divorce” was an event that occurred after Chuck was blown up, our Captain was scared and potentially committed an act of workplace discrimination, Chuck sued said workplace, and Freddie was one step away from becoming an actual criminal.
They were never actually married and I was played a fool.
I’m going to drown myself.
TL;DR - Freddie and Chuck have never been together romantically and “the Divorce” was just a whole lot of workplace drama from before my time.
~~
u/lena_gainstawall
It’s true I picked him up from jail
u/deathby_chainsaw
I think I need the whole story
u/lena_gainstawall
He assaulted a guy over a handicap parking lot
u/deathby_chainsaw
I’m asking him the entire story later
u/ShawshankException
I’m not sure that I would be committing federal crimes when my best friend sued the workplace for discrimination…
u/I_Am_Slightly_Horney
Yeah there is definitely something going on
u/Christ_Columbus_1492
Hmmmm…
u/deathby_chainsaw
500
u/Christ_Columbus_1492
Deal
/\/\/\/\/\/\
r/coworkerstories 5 hr. ago
u/deathby_chainsaw
[FINAL UPDATE] Are my coworkers dating?
This is the final installment of my “Are my coworkers dating” saga (found here , here , and here ). (TLDR is that I thought they were dating, then divorced, then back together again, only to find out that they were never together in the first place)
But this is the final installment of this specific series because they got married yesterday.
None of us (except Cap maybe, probably Columbus, and Chuck’s sister definitely) knew they were even dating until we were invited to their wedding.
A wedding that we didn’t even know was a wedding until we all showed up.
We all thought it was a basic Cap + Co BBQ after we all recovered from a major freeway collapse + Chuck was completely back to normal after he was struck by lightning (oh yeah. that was my team both times. we have terrible luck).
But NOPE.
We show up and it’s all decked out for a wedding.
APPARENTLY this is how the story goes:
After the shift where I brought up my confusion with their relationship, they got their shit together, talked about it, realized I wasn’t crazy, and decided to start dating.
That was the beginning of Summer last year.
They were going to tell us all of last year, but shit kept happening. And then Chuck got struck by lightning and actually died.
That was when Freddie proposed.
I can’t believe that I can be credited for getting these fools together.
TL;DR - I played matchmaker + the fools got together. But they forgot to tell us that they got together until they got married on the lawn of our Captain’s house.
~~
u/PrincessPea
NO WAY CONGRATS GUYS
u/porkpie
Now that was an ending worth waiting for!
u/nickelodEON_SLIME
Thank FUCK I didn’t have to drown in a toilet
u/deathby_chainsaw
Damn. The dedication
u/ShawshankException
So there really was a reason to commit a federal crime
u/I_Am_Slightly_Horney
Preach
/\/\/\/\/\/\
r/coworkerstories 2 hr. ago
u/buckupbuttercup
I got to marry my coworker yesterday and I am in love
I’ve been in love with my best friend/partner (coworker feels too impersonal) since he started at my job 5 years ago. When he was first hired, I thought he was there to replace me (my reputation wasn’t the cleanest back then.) But no.
What I found out (after we dug an explosive out of some guy’s leg) from my Captain was that he was hired FOR me. Cap wanted me to have someone to watch my back on the job.
But it became more than that.
I met his son the next week after the 7.1 earthquake that hit LA. That kid was just so full of life that I wanted to spend as much time as I could with them.
But then I fucked up my leg on the job (some kid with a bomb), almost died twice, and sued my job because my Captain (basically my father) couldn’t look past his own guilt to let me come back (it’s all good we talked it through.)
I really thought my best friend never wanted to see me again. I had been through so much that year, I couldn’t see what was right in front of me.
We made it right eventually, but the Covid hit.
Then he got shot trying to take a kid to the hospital.
Then he quit his job only a couple months after he came back from leave.
I didn’t know how to handle it.
Then his new job burned down and we became partners again.
Then our meddling coworker (love you Probie) asked if we were divorced (I didn’t really understand how it was all related but I got a date out of it!)
Seven months later I died. True fact. For three minutes and seventeen seconds (according to him).
He proposed right after I was discharged from the hospital.
Then we both almost died.
We got married a month later in front of all of our favorite people who didn’t know it was a wedding until Cap started officiating.
And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
~~
u/Lack_of_Sense
Bestie I think you need to read these four posts. They’re going to blow your mind.
u/buckupbuttercup
I need to show these to my husband ASAP. Thank you for sending me these!
u/Lack_of_Sense
That sounds like fun (u/deathby_chainsaw you will be missed)
u/c00chieDestr0yer666
Wait are you one of the guys from the viral “are my coworkers dating” saga??
u/buckupbuttercup
At least this is how I went viral this time instead of hanging dead from a ladder?
u/I_Am_Slightly_Horney
That is absolutely foul please seek help
u/buckupbuttercup
I am single-handedly paying all of my therapist’s bills
/\/\/\/\/\/\
r/coworkerstories 5 hr. ago
u/deathby_chainsaw
[FINAL UPDATE] Are my coworkers dating?
Comments
u/buckupbuttercup 30 min. ago
Why do you know so many of the weird details?
u/deathby_chainsaw
Oh shit you weren’t supposed to see this.
But we work with D1 yappers. What do you think?
u/buckupbuttercup
Huh.
True, I guess.
u/Lack_of_Sense
Oh how the turntables
u/deathby_chainsaw
Blocked and reported
/\/\/\/\/\/\
r/coworkerstories 20 min. ago
u/eddiesons_lightbulb
My coworker decided to tell Reddit about my love life.
By now I think you’ve all seen the viral posts from that one guy who couldn’t figure out if his coworkers were dating or not.
When I catch you Ravi.
When I catch you.
~~
u/CluckingHen
Oop-
u/lena_gainstawall
HAHAHAHAHAHA This is so embarrassing for you. Being the subject of a viral Reddit saga
u/eddiesons_lightbulb
I will suffocate you
u/Christ_Columbus_1492
Imagine
u/eddiesons_lightbulb
Chris get off of Reddit
u/Christ_Columbus_1492
Nope
u/deathby_chainsaw
200
u/Christ_Columbus_1492
Deal
u/eddiesons_lightbulb
No?
u/chimneySWEEP
u/deathby_chainsaw you are royally screwed
u/deathby_chainsaw
Fuck