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Needletail meets Alderheart without Twigpaw and Violetpaw, just once. She's not sure whether she wants to scream at him, cry at him, claw the life from his body. All of these things. None of them. She just wants one more chance to see him before their paths diverge completely.
Of course, he doesn't say no. He never does, not to her.
"Needletail?" he calls out, looking at the hiding spot she used last time. Then another.
"Up here, furball," she calls from up the pine tree, lashing her tail.
Alderheart looks up at her. No matter how much he's grown, he still always looks like a massive ball of fluff to her. His legs stick out of his thick pelt as he scrapes his way up the tree. The branch bends and sways under their combined weight as he sits next to her, eyes gleaming with concern.
"It's good to see you," he says. He's uncertain about a lot of things, but at least he's sure of that.
"Of course it is," she purrs.
So today she feels a little soft. That's good. She wants this to be a soft day, a warm day, something to soothe her bones before the storm arrives.
"Is everything okay?" he asks. "Are they treating you well? How's--"
Needletail gently clamps her jaws around his snout to shut him up. "Everything's fine," she says. It's not entirely true, but right now, they both need it to be. "I just wanted to see you."
"Oh."
Alderheart averts his gaze. Bits of bark fall to the ground below as he kneads the branch with his claws.
"I need a break from everything," she tells him, stretching her spine. "And you probably do, too. Like, constantly."
He can't say that he's tired and worried and stressed all the time, not without earning another bite. He just nods and chuffs.
"Stay here one day," she says. It's not a request. "Be together with me."
Alderheart's pelt is frizzing before she even finishes speaking. "Needletail, I can't! Jayfeather will--"
"What, you'll get in trouble?" Needletail snorts. "End up picking fleas off of elders for a few days? Oh no, whatever shall you do?"
The tom scuffs a paw. He's not wrong about getting in trouble, but in her opinion, he could stand to get into more of it.
"It's not just that," he says. "I'm supposed to be a medicine cat! I can't…"
Needletail touches her nose to his cheek. "So we'll just pretend," she whispers. "Just for one night. Okay?"
Alderheart swallows. His amber eyes widen with a mix of fear and affection. His chest rises and falls with shuddering breath as he studies her, weighs his thoughts, and chooses which instincts to fight.
Needletail's tail shivers with excitement when he looks up and whispers yes.
* * *
Needletail's jaw tightens and the fur of the vole frays between her teeth. She sees a nest of moss and bracken between the roots of a towering pine, shaded by the branches above. There are fresh flowers woven into the ring of it and there's enough room for two cats to curl side-by-side. Nearby in a freshly dug cache, there are heads of marigold, bundles of dock leaves, and cobwebs draped like ivy down a nearby root.
She tries to hide her expression but Alderheart trots toward her and tilts his head.
"Is something wrong?" he asks.
Needletail tosses the vole to his paws and laughs. "You don't think I'm that bad at hunting, do you?"
Alderheart's eyes widen and he glances back at the little herb supply before shaking his head. "No!" The tom's voice cracks with distress. "I just wanted to be prepared, that's all."
"You can't prepare for everything," she says. Needletail brushes her tail across his pelt as she pads closer to inspect their nest. "It's nice."
It's more than nice.
Needletail wants to pretend that they were running away from everything, just each other and the whole wide world at her paws.
And he was building a smaller version of their world, where the only difference was that they could be together.
Rain would do so much for her, but he would never do this.
It'd never…
Needletail shoves back those thoughts because that is the whole point of today.
"I'm glad you like it," says Alderheart.
Needletail thinks he looks better when he's proud of himself.
They hunt together, they wrestle in the ferns like kittens, and they trade their favorite stories from their elders. By some miracle, Alderheart's clanmates don't come stomping after him and they share a nest for the first time since their journey home.
His pelt is warmer now, and the sound of his purring is so reassuring. She can almost disappear between his paws, in the warmth of his fur, and it's the perfect place to hide just a little longer.
Dawn comes too soon. The sunbeams drifting against her eyelids feel like violence. One night, one day, and she has to face the truth.
It's a nice dream, but it's just that. Our clans would never have allowed it.
They don't part ways right away, sharing tongues and only reluctantly peeling away when the light of morning has come to its fullest. Their eyes meet once, and without a word, they know each other's thoughts.
It was wonderful. It was terrible. It was perfect and they could never do it again.
"Thank you, Needletail," says Alderheart.
I love you.
"You're going to be in a lot of trouble when you get back," Needletail teases him, swiping her tongue over his cheek. She’s leaving her scent all over him and he’s not bothering to hide it.
Love you too, furball.
Alderheart butts his head against hers and purrs. "Yeah, but it was worth it."
* * *
Needletail gasps for breath even though she doesn't need it anymore. The lake is gone, the wounds erased from her pelt, but her old scars still linger.
There are stars in her fur. She never thought she would end up in StarClan, but the question doesn't even pass her mind at that moment. She whirls, looking for the first face she can find.
Blackstar looks back at her. She thinks he's smiling, though it's hard to tell.
"Violetpaw,” she says. “Tell me she's alright."
"Take a look for yourself," he says.
The former leader of ShadowClan guides her to one of the pools littered throughout the forest shade.
When she looks down, she can see her sister safe in ThunderClan camp. She's surrounded by friends and family, by blood or by love.
Needletail slumps down and tries not to laugh. Makes a sorry croaking sound instead. The longer she watches, the harder it is to see.
"I shouldn't be here," she says at last.
Blackstar shrugs. "It's not up to you how you’re remembered," he replies. "Or who chooses to forgive you."
"You would know," she bites back. “Wouldn’t you?”
Blackstar laughs, and so does she.
Even up here, ShadowClan is still ShadowClan.
* * *
After her death, Alderheart comes to see her at the Moonpool.
Maybe I shouldn't, Needletail thinks. If she lets him, he'll spend the rest of his life trying to reach the stars.
But if I don't let him see me, it'll crush him.
She comes from the shadows, which are even easier to blend into now that she's a spirit. His eyes light up with unrestrained delight and he races from the edge of the pool to meet her, brushing pelts and purring up a storm.
"How's StarClan?" he asks. It's such a silly question from a medicine cat, but it feels just like her old friend.
"All you've heard and a ditch full of frogs," Needletail replies. "Everything's been coming up Needletail ever since I died."
Alderheart shakes his pelt out as if she wouldn't be cavalier about her own demise.
"I knew you'd be here," he says.
"Then you're the only one," Needletail growls dryly. "Before you get all soppy, I'm fine. Things are great here."
"Good," says Alderheart. "Good."
They sit together and she rests against his side. Unlike their little getaway, she can't hold onto him for more than a few moments, and she knows she shouldn't even do that.
Needletail pulls away. "I need you to do something for me."
Alderheart blinks. "Like, a StarClan mission?"
"No," Needletail rolls her eyes. "Stars no. I need a personal favor or two."
"I think StarClan might be a little less demanding, actually," Alderheart says.
Needletail swipes a paw at him and sticks out her tongue. "Look after Violetshine and Twigbranch, okay? Even if they're off in SkyClan or whatever, I'll feel better knowing I've got a cat doing my bidding for me."
Alderheart's body quivers with laughter. "I will.”
Of course, he's going to. She probably doesn't even need to ask.
But she still likes hearing him say yes.
"Secondly," she says, "and just as importantly. Keep living for both of us. I know you're going to want to keep padding up here and sniffing my fur, but don't. I’m missing out on causing a lot of problems, and I need you to pick up the chase for me."
Alderheart's ear folds back. He knows she's right, and he knows it's going to hurt making himself stay away, even if it's for the better.
"Life is for the living, Alderheart," she presses. "Promise me."
"I promise, Needletail," he says.
Needletail headbutts his shoulder hard enough to send him wobbling. "Good! I'm not going anywhere, so you better have a lot of tales to tell by the time you move in."
* * *
The grass of StarClan still feels strange under Needletail's paws. It’s perfect for her, and there's always someone missing there.
Sometimes she looks down through the stars, through the clouds, and spies glimpses of her family still walking the earth below. Their happy moments make the days pass more easily, and the difficult ones give her a reason to keep her spirit strong.
She has no question that they'll be here one day, but she hopes it isn't too soon.
Sometimes she sees Alderheart lay beneath the branches of the pine and rest his head on top of his paws, and she doesn't know what he's thinking but she knows he's thinking about her.
Life is for the living, she tells herself again, but then, she never was too good at following the rules.
Not even her own.
And in that way that spirits come down from the sky to guide their kin, to share their warnings and keep great warriors on their path, she lets a part of herself drift down onto the leaf litter next to him.
Alderheart jerks up with a start.
Needletail laughs. He can't hear her, but she thinks he can almost feel her, and that's good enough.
She lays her paws on top of his and closes her eyes. “You know, this part wasn’t pretend.”