Work Text:
“Leave.”
Henry could feel his heart being physically ripped out of his chest as the word leaves his mouth.
“what?”
Alex looks at the love of his life, frozen as his entire world comes crashing down on him.
Henry didn't mean this, right. right?
“I said: leave, Alex.” He said louder, looking directly at him. “I want you to leave.”
“Henry–” Alex tried
“Please, Alex. Just– just leave.”
There it is Alex's heart being shattered into a million pieces.
YOU ARE A DARK SORCERER
A < [email protected] >
23 / 7 / 22 3 : 38 AM
TO HENRY
why? why why why god just why? why would you do this? why would you do this to me? to us? how dare you come into my life make me feel things give me a glimpse of a life i could have then take it away from me like that, leaving me helpless and having to see you at all these fucking events. all i can think about is where it all went wrong.
Do you know how hard it is seeing you there? sharing stupid meaningless conversations with you? pretending that i can be just your friend? it hurts.
it all hurts so fucking much.
it feels like my life is just on pause and i cant do anything about it. Like i used to live my life by lists and facts but now every list feels wrong and nothing ever fits together, every fact feels like a lie and everything i was sure of im not anymore.
you completely fucked my perspective up and then you left me without answers. it feels like you ruined me and i want to tell you that i cant stand you, that i never want to see or hear from you ever again, that i hate you i hate you i hate you so much for everything you did but you know whats the worst thing is? i just cant … i cant hate you.
i cant despise you as much as i want to, and I really fucking want to. i cant stop loving you and i cant fucking move on and i have no idea what you think.
god i feel so fucking pathetic drunk at three am emailing you with no idea if you will even read it, let alone reply but i cant pretend anymore i cant just pretend that im fine writing to you after everything and not overanalyze every single word you write to me, wanting to rip every magazine where you are pictured with a new random girl that i know damn well you dont give a fuck about, sitting next to you at events and you wont even look at me.
how can someone be so close yet so far away, smiling that fucking pinched smile and shaking your hand like we’re acquaintances like I don't know your body better than my own, and wanting to do nothing but punch you in the face then kiss you tell you how much i fucking miss you. that it feels like i cant live without you. that i still love you even though you fucking destroyed me and i dont think ill ever stop.
i keep thinking about everything that we couldve had and i curse you for not giving us that. i curse your witch of a grandmother for ruining this for making you feel like you dont deserve happiness.
funnily enough, as sad and devastated as i am, i feel a little better knowing that you’re probably suffering as much as i am, knowing that this hurts you just as much, and even though i feel like i should hate you, really i just feel like im a bad person for hoping that you’re hurting, for wanting you to be as miserable as i am.
i want you to regret leaving me. i pray that you cry at night thinking about everything we had and i want you to suffer, but i also want you to never be sad a day in your life again.
i want to take you away from all of this pain and suffering to tell you that i love you and that it will all be okay and maybe thats the most pathetic part, that i beg for you to say it back, that you would actually want to have this and that even after all of this, i would still be right there with you. you could tell me to fuck off and run away with you and i will.
what did you do to me? what kind of magic is this? you ruined my senses you took my heart and crushed it into pieces and i still cant fucking hate you.
i think of paris, la, the red room and that damn linden tree and i know that, if you asked, i would ruin myself for you a million times all over again.
god damn you henry fox. for everything.
for showing me how amazing my life could be and then how fucking shitty it could be, for telling me we should be casual then doing everything in your power to make me fall in love with you, for smiling at me in that way that makes my life feel brighter, for taking me to expensive restaurants and making me laugh just saying all those stupid little things.
fuck you for giving me the best weekend of my life and then leaving me in the middle of the night like it meant nothing.
was it all real? any of it? if it was then why?
fuck you for not making me be able to hate you. for making me helplessly and ridiculously in love with you.
RE : YOU ARE A DARK SORCERER
HENRY < [email protected] >
23 / 7 / 22 6 : 03 AM
TO A
Alex,
im so sorry.
RE : YOU ARE A DARK SORCERER
A < [email protected] >
23 / 7 / 22 6 : 14 AM
TO HENRY
Dear Henry,
Fuck you.
Forever yours,
Alex