Chapter Text
Eddie sits and looks around. It’s quiet- too quiet, eerily quiet. His house is not a home anymore. A part of his heart is hundreds of miles away from him. The other part… Eddie is not sure anymore. Does it belong to anyone? Has it ever belonged to anyone? Will it belong to anyone? Eddie has no real answer. Somehow, in those moments, he thinks of Buck, which is weird. Eddie of course knows that Buck is second only to Chris, but Eddie would not say so much that a part of his heart belongs to him. Weird, he thinks. Whatever, he has time to think about that; in fact time is all he has.
He is still sitting and looking. Chris is in Texas, but Buck is a couple of miles away. Why is Buck not here? He thinks of texting him but remembers that it is date night and Buck has been looking forward to it the whole 48-hour shift. Eddie thinks about it now. It has been a couple of weeks since Buck has been over, and Eddie has not called. He feels guilty for thinking this, Buck has not been pulling away, he has been focusing on his relationship with Tommy. That is what he should be doing, Eddie thinks. Taking care of a grown man in his thirties should not be anyone’s responsibility. Taking care of a grown man in his thirties who has hurt his son so much that he wanted to get away without ever glancing back should especially not be anyone’s responsibility.
When he is doing his job, saving people, he feels better about himself. No, scratch that. He forgets about himself, his life, and every decision he has taken that led to him feeling so utterly alone he feels a weird hollow space in his chest every time he breathes. It will get easier, he thinks. Chris has yet to reply to anything, but knowing he is being taken care of eases Eddie.
He goes to his job, he talks to his favorite people about anything just to avoid the elephant in the room, he avoids Buck’s eyes every chance he has, and he goes home. Eddie could never ever blame Buck for anything even if Buck took a pistol and shot him, but Eddie is conscious enough to realize that he is the one pulling away, but Buck had let him do it. Eddie knows that Chris leaving has affected Buck too, but Eddie hurt so much, that he couldn’t have handled the disappointment from Buck; he would have given up on the spot.
After the most boring shift of his life, Eddie is driving home, experiencing the longest drive of his life. Stepping into the living room is so loud—it’s the only sound in the house. Eddie still smiles. As empty as he is feeling, he is radiating happiness from every pore - Chris replied to him for the first time. He pulls out his phone and texts Buck:
-Hey, do you have time?
-Eds, is something wrong? I’m at Tommy’s but I can come over.
(for some reason, Eddie hears his heart crack. Weird, he thinks.)
-No, I am fine don’t worry. We’ll talk at work.
Eddie has had enough wallowing. He is going out tonight. Wherever his legs take him. Well no, he will be driving. Whatever.
Two hours later, he finds himself inside a bar. It’s not too loud, but it’s not quiet either. Perfect. On his fourth beer of the night (he should be slowing down, he is going to be driving), he notices a man with long blonde hair to his left. Eddie thinks the man looks how Eddie feels. Blame it on the alcohol, or blame it on the fact that Eddie has literally nothing else going on in his life, he is walking over to the man. What could possibly be more traumatic than your son meeting the doppelganger of his dead mother in your house? He can talk to someone and it will be okay. His life will not be over, or restarted.
“If you stare at the wall any longer, I’m afraid you’ll damage it. “
The man turns around and looks at Eddie. His eyes are empty, but he manages to smile.
“Maybe that was my intention. Look, it’s so empty, so ugly, it’s serving no purpose. They should get rid of it.”
“The secret third option is that it is in fact keeping the roof from falling down our heads, don’t you think?” Eddie smiles.
“Ah. Well, I would not be opposed to it. Not much else can go wrong right now. I’m drinking the beer that I hate, talking to a handsome stranger about walls. No offense, I just do not have much to lose even if that were to happen.” He’s talking and smiling, but it’s not reaching his eyes yet.
Eddie decides he is going to do whatever it takes to make this stranger's smile real. He doesn’t even know his name, but he is thinking about how he would have felt if someone did this for him yesterday, and it’s really not much to debate after that.
They talk and talk, and talk some more. In fact, Eddie mostly listens, the stranger needs that.
“I am sick. I don’t have health insurance. I was laid off from work weeks ago and still haven’t managed to find anything else. I can’t afford my apartment. So, I am not only dying, I’m also almost homeless. What about you? What tragedy could have possibly happened that you are here, on a Thursday night, talking to some stranger who you don’t even know the name of yet.” He’s smiling through it all. Eddie feels weird. How can he be smiling?
Eddie considers answering. He feels silly, his problems compared to this guy’s are nonexistent, he thinks. Blame it on the alcohol, or blame it on the fact that Eddie has literally nothing else going on in his life, but Eddie gets the silliest goofiest idea of his life. And he can’t stop himself from saying it out loud.
“Marry me,” Eddie says like a lightbulb went on in his head. “No, don’t look at me like that, I am not a creep who was planning to marry whoever graced his presence first. I am a firefighter. I can help you with insurance. And I live alone. Utterly alone. My son isn’t home, and he will come back, but for now, the house is free.”
“Why would you just do this for someone? You have a child, too. I cannot think of a single reason why you would even think about this, let alone suggest it.” He frowns.
“I want to hate myself less. The reason is selfish. You would be doing me a favor. Honestly, I have never in my life lived alone. It’s unnerving. I can’t get a roommate because my son is coming back eventually. This can do.” Eddie smiles. He keeps thinking why he’s doing this. He wants to help sure, but it’s also true that he wants to know what it feels like to not have the desire to claw out of your body at any given moment.
“You are, what, six beers in, and you don’t even know my name! I don’t even know your name!!” the stranger says.
“I promise I am sober. Give me your number, I’ll text you tomorrow and we can discuss what we will do. I want to help, but it’s genuinely for my sanity too. So you don’t ever have to feel indebted.”
He hands the stranger his phone. As he’s reaching to take it back, he looks at the stranger's eyes. They don’t look as empty, Eddie thinks. Maybe he can do some good in the world too.
They part ways and Eddie is struggling to find his fucking truck. Eddie hates that truck, he needs to get rid of it. When he manages to find it, he cannot bring himself to drive. If Buck was here, he would drive, and Eddie would look at him from the passenger seat. If he tries hard enough, he can imagine it right now, and he’s smiling. Weird, he thinks. Whatever, he can deal with that later. Now, he’s going to the back of the truck and falling asleep. He chooses not to think about why Buck is his last thought. He is only swept away by this crushing tiredness—he sleeps.
A phone is ringing somewhere. Eddie for some reason cannot bring himself to open his eyes. He is just so tired, he thinks maybe he will spend the whole day in bed. Oh. Bed. He feels his neck stiffen, and his legs are crouched up. Why would he sleep like this? He opens his eyes. Oh, he’s in his car. Okay, not too bad, he’s glad he didn’t drive. He looks around the parking lot and sees the bar in front. Okay, not too bad, his house is not too far away. And then… oh. It’s all coming back to him. He proposed yesterday. He proposed to a MAN yesterday. He awaits for the panic to start. It doesn’t. Weird, he thinks. When he thought about marrying Ana, he felt his breath hitch and his lungs collapse. Aha! He is not doing it for himself, he is doing it to be noble. To help. His phone is still ringing. Relentlessly. He looks at the time, 03:17 pm. He doesn’t know how to exhale for a moment. Weird, he thinks. Normally, he would freak out about sleeping so much, but he doesn’t have a shift till 8 pm and part of his heart is still in Texas, so he can’t bring himself to care as much.
Buck is calling him. Buck has been calling him for 3 hours straight. Eddie immediately panics just like yesterday when Chris replied. His mind is going through a million scenarios where Buck needed Eddie and Eddie did not answer. He is answering now.
“Buck? Are you okay?” he breathes out.
“Eddie. Eddie. Eddie. I’m fine, how are YOU? WHERE are you?” Buck sounds worried, but there’s also some other feeling creeping behind his voice.
“I was out and crashed at a friend's. I’m coming home now. Are you sure you’re good?” lying on the spot has become easier. Sometimes every word out of his mouth is a lie. Not anything drastic, but a lie nonetheless.
“I have been sitting on your porch for three hours, worried sick, I couldn’t even bring myself to go inside. And you’re telling me you crashed at a friend’s? Couldn’t you let me know? Couldn’t you answer the million missed calls?” irritated. Buck sounds a bit irritated and mad. But there’s still worry in his voice. He could never hide that.
“I didn’t hear the phone, you know I would never ignore your calls. I’m sorry for making you worry. We can talk when I get home, I promise. Just wait for me.” Eddie decides to let Buck’s comments slide. Buck is his friend, who is worried. At least someone is worried for Eddie.
“You don’t have to explain anything. It’s my fault for thinking my best friend-“
“Could you just wait for me to get there, please? I have something-“
“No, Eddie. I left. I am on my way to Tommy’s, and-“
That’s the last nail in the coffin for Eddie. He hangs up and tries to breathe. Why is it bothering him so much? Buck waited for Eddie. And then he left to go to his boyfriend. But Buck waited for Eddie. Whatever, he can deal with it later. He goes to his messages and sees the last person he texted with, the stranger. His name is saved as “hubby to be?” Eddie smiles at that. At the very least, someone will be doing better because of Eddie. At the very least, Eddie found someone he could protect. Before giving it much thought he texts him. The stranger responds immediately like he is waiting for his text. They agree to meet up and discuss what they will be doing. Eddie has no one to go home to, so he doesn’t. He finds the café they will be meeting in and decides to go in. The stranger, who Eddie will be marrying, is already there. Eddie catches himself smiling. Not in a weird way, it’s just that it’s such an honest, innocent gesture, Eddie can’t help but smile at that. They talk. They decide, tomorrow, the first thing in the morning, they will both be married. Eddie has to convince the stranger, and he is doing it like his life depends on it. As much as the stranger needs it, Eddie does too. He needs to feel like he is doing some good with his life or he will lose his mind.
“You still don’t know my name, I still don’t know yours. Isn’t it weird?” the stranger is saying. And okay, point for that.
“Hi, stranger! My name is Eddie. Edmundo Diaz. I hope you can grace me with your name.” Eddie says, smiling.
“Hi, Eddie. I’m Evan. Evan Alex Jones. I live to serve.” Evan, says.
At this very moment, Eddie can’t catch his breath. He feels like he is drowning. The wrong ‘Evan’ his mind keeps repeating. Which Evan could be right? Why is Eddie feeling like he is cheating? His skin is itching, his smile is faltering, and ‘not the right Evan’ notices. Eddie kicks himself for this. It’s not Evan's fault for having this name. Eddie doesn’t think he will ever call him that. He just can’t. He needs to make this right though.
“I’m sorry, I know what you’re thinking. I promise I’m fine, it’s just that your name caught me by surprise. My best friend who I just had a fight with, his name is Evan. Although I call him Buck. Evan has always felt too serious. Buck doesn’t even like it. Weirdly though, his boyfriend keeps calling him Evan and he has never corrected him. I wanted to say something but I did not want to intrude. If Buck wants to be called Buck, why can’t his boyfriend respect that? Buck is too good for his own good. His boyfriend doesn’t deserve him. No one does, really.” Eddie says while feeling blood rush to his cheeks, “Oh god, I know I’m talking too much, but I just want to reassure you that I’m not backing up or anything. I won’t be calling you Evan ever though, it just feels too weird. You’ll have to make do with Alex, Alex.” He smiles.
Alex is smiling at Eddie. There is something in his eyes Eddie can’t quite decipher, and to be honest, Eddie can’t begin thinking about that too. He just needs to get this over with. He is marrying Alex, waiting until Alex gets better and finds a stable job, and they will divorce. They decided. Eddie doesn’t know how to begin explaining this to anyone in his life, so he doesn’t. He decides he won’t be telling people (apart from Bobby who will find out either way), and won’t invite anyone over until Chris comes back. He will have to lie through his teeth, but it’s nothing new. He has been lying, he has been biting his tongue every time he wanted to say something ever since he was a kid. This won’t be any different. Lying to Buck will be the hardest, but Buck is growing tired of Eddie so maybe he won’t even need to lie much. A part of his heart is breaking, but that’s for the best. Buck deserves more than Eddie could ever offer. Buck deserves a best friend who is a good person, a considerate, selfless friend. And Eddie is not much of either right now.
It’s almost 8 pm so Eddie has to leave. Thankful he only has a 12-hour shift. He can come back, shower, pick Alex up, and head to the courthouse. And then he can move Alex in. He will be giving Alex his room, and Eddie will sleep on the couch. Buck’s couch really. He figures it won’t be too bad—Buck sleeps there willingly.
When he enters the firehouse all eyes are on him. He is not late so that’s weird. Hen is looking at him, Chim is looking at him, Bobby is looking at him, and Buck is doing everything but looking at him. He won’t ever get used to this. He needs Buck to survive. Wow, dependent much? Weird, he thinks.
“Why is everyone staring at me? I’m not late.” Eddie says.
“Yeah, exactly. You are right on time. Not 10 or 15 minutes before. Right. On. Time.” Chim answers. There’s a twinkle in his eyes.
“Okay…? I got caught up with something today.”
“Something, or someone?” Hen says as she reaches and pulls a long blond hair out of his sweater.
Eddie chokes up. Because no, he did not do someone today, but he did do something with someone, and he can’t talk about it with anyone. He curses the hug he gave Alex just about now. Eddie decides he hates pronouns just about now. Something, someone, anyone, everyone… enough. He has no answer. Buck decides now is the perfect time to look at Eddie, and there’s something in his eyes. Hurt he thinks. Buck is hurt because Eddie lied to him, Eddie thinks. In a second the hurt is replaced by anger. Buck has never looked at Eddie like that, but he’s looking like Eddie has betrayed him, just about now.
The bell rings, and Eddie thanks whoever decides to let Eddie go easy this time. He should feel guilty, but right now he just wants to enjoy this small victory.
During the whole ride there, Buck hasn’t looked or touched Eddie once. His feet are so far away. Why is Eddie noticing that now? Weird, he thinks.
The call is from the set of Hotshots. Not the first one they have gotten, but it is definitely getting weird. There’s almost a pattern if you can stop and think about it, but Eddie decides he just doesn’t care enough to find out the answer. Thankfully, or not, they are stuck on the call for hours. Buck and Eddie are working together and they are as smooth as ever; that could never change. Buck has still to look at Eddie though, and Eddie is starting to feel irritated. He knows he fucked up, maybe it’s all he does, but Buck isn’t perfect either. This is bordering on an over-exaggeration. Buck waited yes, but Buck also left. Eddie would never blame Buck, but he can recognize when it’s a two-way street.
After they get back to the firehouse and Buck still hasn’t looked at him once, Eddie is tired of fighting to catch his gaze and his attention to just say something. If Buck wants time, Eddie will give Buck time. He is hungry, and Bobby is cooking something, but the awkward silence is too awkward to bear so he just goes to the bunk room and sleeps. Chim calls him when Bobby finishes preparing the food, but still no Buck. Okay. He notices that he has 2 hours left from his shift and decides to ask Bobby to let him go. Why would Eddie need to leave at 6 am he doesn’t know. but a couple of hours later, he will be married, he will help someone move into his house, and he won’t be as lonely anymore maybe. Just until Chris comes back. Bobby looks at him concerned and says okay. As he’s leaving, he hears Buck say a quiet “Eddie,” but Buck had all shift and did not say a word to him. Eddie just leaves.
Eddie took a shower, got dressed, and went to Alex’s. They filled his truck with Alex’s essentials so they don’t have to come back anymore, and they go the courthouse. Eddie knows Alex is stressed, he knows Alex is concerned, but he cannot deal to be anyone’s therapist right now. He just touches Alex’s restless leg and hopes that it’s enough.
They say “I do,” they go home, and Eddie is showing Alex around the house. When they reach Chris’ room, Eddie’s hands begin shaking. He tries to avoid the room at all costs, but he must show his husband (god he will never get used to calling Alex that) his truth. He doesn’t know how to explain what he has done, how he has hurt his child so much he just left. Eddie is scared of what Alex might think of him. Maybe he will think if Eddie is such a shit dad, he can be an even shittier friend, roommate, and maybe he will just leave. Shannon gave up on him, Chris gave up on him, and Buck gave up on him, but if Alex, a stranger who will only know Eddie by an outside scope, gives up and leaves, Eddie doesn’t think he will survive. If a stranger who doesn’t know the depth of the mistakes Eddie has made decides to leave because of his last one, what hope is there for anyone else, really?
Alex somehow understands without Eddie speaking and spares Eddie some mercy. He doesn’t let Eddie open Chris’ room and just asks where he will be sleeping. Eddie shows him his room and gives Alex free rein to do whatever he wants. Alex is opening his closet and making space for his clothes, and Eddie notices Alex take a hoodie in his hands. Alex is asking if he can wear it. Eddie is choked up. That is Buck’s hoodie, in his closet, and his husband is asking if he can wear it. Why is a hoodie such a big deal? Why does it still feel like Eddie is cheating somehow? Why is Buck in his mind at this moment, when there is no reason to be? Weird, he thinks. Eddie should say yes, should make Alex feel comfortable, but he just can’t.
“Not that one, but there’s a nicer one in the back, it’s green. You can wear that one.” Eddie says, trying to sound as nonchalant as ever. He knows he isn’t succeeding.
“Is there something wrong with this one? I think it’s really pretty.” Alex smiles.
“It’s my-- It’s Buck’s hoodie,” Eddie says.
Alex is smiling at him. He understands whatever there is to understand and he just puts the hoodie down. Eddie feels himself breathe a bit better after it. Weird, he thinks. After they are done moving Alex in, Eddie wants to talk, just to clear some things up.
“As you know, I’m a firefighter, and I have crazy working hours. Sometimes I won’t be home for days. I want you to feel comfortable even when you are alone.”
“I imagined. What is there with you and wanting to save everyone? Who is saving you?” Alex says teasingly.
“I don’t need to be saved. Anyway, I decided to not tell anyone, and I hope that it’s not an issue with you. I just can’t find the strength to explain it because the 118 is my family, and they will have millions of questions, and right now I need anything but the whole room looking at me. I will have to tell my captain, but I know he won’t break my trust.”
“You won’t be telling your son or your Buck?” Alex genuinely asks.
“No, not right now. I don’t think either of them want much to do with me by this point so maybe it won’t be so difficult.” Eddie says it while smiling, trying to lighten the mood, but Alex can see the truth in those words. One day he will ask about it, Eddie knows, but today, this should be enough.
He needs to talk to Bobby privately, so during his next shift, he asks Bobby if they can talk in his office. Chim and Hen look at him skeptically, and Buck, who has decided he won’t ignore Eddie anymore but now Eddie is ignoring him, looks at Eddie. There is a weird look in his eyes. Eddie hates making Buck worry, but right now he just can’t handle lying to him.
“I’m all ears Eddie,” Bobby says affectionately after he closes the door.
“I need you to promise me that what we will talk about won’t leave this office. No one, and I mean no one, not Athena, Chim, Hen, or Buck will know about it.” Eddie says in one breath. He is probably sounding a bit erratic.
“Eddie, calm down. I promise you. You’re worrying me, so please spit it out.”
“Please don’t interrupt me until I finish.”
Bobby nods.
“I got married. Not a real marriage, I did not fall in love and then get married, I’m doing it to help someone. He is sick, can’t afford insurance, and has no place to live. I can help him with all of it. I just met him and I know it seems weird but I promise, it’s not. No one knows, not even Chris, and I’d like it to stay like that. Either way, after he finds a stable job and a good place, we will get divorced and never speak of it again.”
“Eddie… I don’t know what to say. Are you sure that’s the best way to help? You said you just met him right? What is he is dangerous? What if he harms you?” Bobby says, concerned.
“I already got married so there’s not much to say now. But I am sure, and I can reassure you, he is not dangerous. You can come over if you want, just to put your mind at ease. But please, do not go back on your word. No one can know.” Eddie says.
“You don’t have to worry Eddie, I am glad you’re telling me. I know I would have found out either way, but I appreciate your honesty. I’m just worried because I don’t want this to be something you will regret down the line. What if they find out? What if Buck finds out? Have you thought about your answers if that happens?” Bobby asks.
“I promise this isn’t some manic decision. It’s not even too deep. I’m doing it for me too. If you think about it, it’s selfish really. And yes, I have thought about what would happen if they were to find out. My biggest concern is Chris, because I don’t think he would ever forgive me again if he learns I took this decision without talking to him,” Eddie feels his heart shutter at the thought, “but I don’t think it will get back to him. If people here find out, I just won’t answer until I get divorced. As for Buck, he already is invested in his relationship so I don’t think he will care about who I marry,” Bobby is looking at him as if Eddie hurt himself now, “and even if he does, it’s not like I need his approval.” He finishes. The words taste bile in his mouth.
“You don’t mean that Eddie. I know you don’t mean that. I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but nothing can change the fact that he is Buck, and you are Eddie. Of course, he will care. Of course, he will feel betrayed that you did not tell him. I’m not saying this to pressure you or make you feel bad, we just all know Buck, and you know him best. Don’t say those words because I can see them hurting you more than they would hurt Buck. Because Buck knows you would never mean them.”
Eddie just nods and leaves. What more is there to say? He goes to sleep since they don’t have any calls at the moment. He realizes sleeping is all he’s doing these days. It’s easy to fall asleep when you want to avoid everything that’s going on in the real world. It’s easy to sleep when you just want to escape. When he opens his eyes, he sees Buck, looking at Eddie. There’s concern in every feature of his face, and Eddie curses Bobby, but he quickly takes it back. He knows Bobby wouldn’t break his trust like that.
“Spit it out, Buck.”
“What’s going on? Why are you avoiding me?” Buck sounds concerned. Eddie hates himself some more.
“Avoiding you? That’s rich, isn’t it? I thought that’s your move when you don’t let me explain and decide I’m not worth hearing. Or when you’re staring daggers at me.” Eddie spits out. He knows he is being cruel, he knows Buck, Chris’ Buck, his Buck, who is the best human Eddie ever has known, he knows Buck does not deserve these words, but he can’t handle Buck being sweet, and good, just so good, and Eddie lying to him. If Buck is mad at Eddie, he won’t care what Eddie does. He won’t bug Eddie for answers. “Honestly, what are you even doing here? Don’t you have a boyfriend to talk to?”
“So, talking to my boyfriend is wrong? Talking to my boyfriend, who is also your friend?”
“If that’s what you’re focusing on, this conversation has ended before starting.” Eddie’s throat is closing up at his words.
“I’m sorry, I know I haven’t maybe paid much attention lately. Can I follow you home and we can talk? Please? I miss you.”
Eddie’s eyes are starting to water but he can’t afford to break so soon.
“Buck, we have been together the whole shift.” Buck flinches a bit at that. It’s so small, nobody would notice, but Eddie does. “But no, I have plans, I’m sorry.” A lie, he will go home and see if Alex needs anything, try to text Chris and fall asleep again. Maybe eat anything if he feels like it.
Buck looks taken aback. Eddie hates himself more. These days hatred is all he can feel.
“Oh, okay. I’m sorry, I hope you have fun.”
“Thanks,” Eddie says and leaves.
This has been happening for two weeks. Eddie goes to work, escapes any look or question thrown his way, avoids Buck’s eye, and now Buck has gotten used to it. He isn’t trying anymore. Eddie can never blame him, he lasted longer than he should have. Hen is always looking at him with questions dancing around her eyebrows but when he shoots her a look, she understands, he needs more time. At home, Alex is doing better. They figured out the paperwork and Alex has started his therapy. He can’t find a job at the moment but it’s fine. They are doing good. Eddie appreciates not feeling alone. He still feels lonely though. He thinks of Buck. Weird, he thinks. What does Buck have to do with Eddie feeling lonely?
On the last call of the day, they are again at the Hotshots set. Now, it has really gotten weird. They keep going to these eerily similar scenes and feeling unease always creeps behind him, but today it’s just relentless. He isn’t feeling good about this, full stop. On the way there he reaches Buck with his leg, look at me, please he thinks, I need it today. Buck does. It’s nice. No matter what happens between them, Buck will never deny Eddie himself. Eddie thinks today after this call he will explain. He is doing a bit better, but he can’t handle being so away from Buck anymore. He hopes Buck will understand. He hopes Buck will give him a second chance. Eddie prays no one else has taken his place in Buck’s life yet. He already told Alex his plan and Alex understood. He said he couldn’t wait to meet thee Evan. Eddie smiled at that.
The set is creepy. There’s really not much there because apparently, people have gone home. But someone called 911 so someone must need something.
Brad. Of course, it’s Brad. He looks stuck in something. Everyone sighs. It’s gotten so tiring.
“Buck, go help him out. We will have a talk about this when he’s on his feet. I’m over his antics.” Bobby says.
“On it, Cap,” Buck says and he turns around and looks at Eddie. Eddie cannot find it in himself to breathe. He doesn’t understand, this may be one of the least complicated calls of their life. Brad is just stuck on something. But there’s an itch that Eddie can’t begin to scratch and it’s getting violent.
As Buck crouches down to help Brad, in an instant Brad is on his feet, and there’s a look in his eyes, Eddie cannot explain how terrified he is of it. Slowly, Brad tackles Buck to the ground and there’s a gun in his hands. Eddie just stares.
“BRAD, what are you doing?” Cap is shouting.
Eddie doesn’t understand what’s happening, he just stares. Buck is now looking at him. Eddie feels his heart break. A part of his heart is hundreds of miles away, but the other part is looking at him from the ground. Eddie figures it out in, arguably, one of the worst moments of his life. Brad and Bobby are shouting, but Buck is still looking at him. Buck always looks at him. He thinks about what might happen if Brad fires. Buck is dead, and so is Eddie. The thought creeps behind Eddie but he knows it’s true. He won’t try to survive without Buck. Maybe Buck won’t die, maybe he will survive, but Eddie knows a bullet to his brain will have consequences. Maybe he won’t remember anyone anymore. Maybe he won’t be able to move anymore. He for sure won’t be able to work anymore. And Eddie knows Buck can’t survive that, so in return, Eddie can’t either.
He doesn’t have much time to think. Brad is still holding Buck, Buck is still looking at him, and everyone else around him is shouting. What he decides now is for the best he thinks. If Chris wants to come back home, he will have Buck who will take care of him, and vice-versa, he trusts Chris will take care of Buck. He thinks of Alex, but he calms down when he thinks of the benefits Alex will get. He is happy about that. Alex has become his friend. He thought that maybe even after they divorced and Alex was stable, they could keep being friends if Alex wanted.
There’s really not much else to think about, so he leaps.
Brad, surprised by him, drops Buck and fires. Eddie doesn’t really feel any pain. Weird, he thinks. At least it’s not his shoulder now. Maybe your stomach doesn’t hurt as bad? How can he know, after all, he has never been shot there. Buck is looking at him one moment, and shouting like a wild animal the next. But Eddie feels good. Buck is good. Bobby pushed Brad to the ground and his gun is no longer a danger to anyone else. Eddie looks at Buck, he hopes Buck can read the love confession in his eyes before they close. Because they will close, in fact, he is feeling them close at the moment. Hen is by his side. Don’t bother, it’s fine, I’m happy you’re safe, please take care of Buck he thinks, and he sees darkness slowly approach. 'I'm okay with it, just keep the remainder of my heart safe' Eddie tries to bargain.