Chapter Text
Bangtan Sonyeondan was spending the night at a hotel in Tokyo after their last show of Japan. They were exhausted as usual after giving their all in the performance for the japanese fans and quickly splitted into two groups to share the rooms; Seokjin, Namjoon, Yoongi and Hoseok were sharing a room while Taehyung, Jimin and Jeongguk were sharing the other. The first room was fast asleep after taking quick showers -and Seokjin aplying facial masks on everyone besides himself to keep their skin soft and humected-, but the latter was a whole other world.
After 2 solid hours of several games -including hide and seek and the floor is made of lava-, a call from the Manager next door and even Jeongguk trying and failing to tell their roommates it's better to rest, the maknae line was ready to find their sleep. The three of them were under white sheets, starting to drift off, breathing going slower and softer, until...
"Guys, are you awake?" Taehyung whispered.
The maknae groaned and turned around on his bed, "No."
Jimin let out an annoyed sigh, not really opening his eyes. "What is it Tae?"
Taehyung turned on his bed like wanting to look at their roommates -even when the room was pitch black-. "... I just... I just wanted to... say something... to you both..."
"Okay, go on" Jimin answered sweetly, eyes now open, and shifted his head on the pillow so he could hear clearly what Taehyung had to say.
"Well... I just... Jungkookie!! you too hear me out!" Taehyung complained at Jeongukk's non-reaction.
"Ugh, come on hyung make it quick"
"Okay... here's the thing... the thing is... I've been... something's happening... with me..."
Jimin automatically sat up on his bed and Jeongguk uncovered his head.
"Now you're scaring me, what's wrong Tae?"
"Oh no, no, it's nothing to be scared of, I think..." Taehyung sat up as well and grabbed his own pillow to hold onto his chest.
"Lately... I've been having this feeling... I don't really know how to put it in words... I don't know if it's new or if it's always been there... I think... I think I..."
"You like Hobi-hyung." Jeongguk blurted out before Taehyung could continue.
"What?!" Jimin questioned.
"Yeah. I mean, I'm not really su-... wait, Jungkookie how did you know?!"
"Ah, I just said what first came to my mind."
"Hey!" Jimin whispered as if he were screaming, and reached out an arm to the nightstand to turn on the lamp and look at his roommates in confusion.
"What's happening? You like Hobi-hyung? And you knew?!"
"Hyung, if you think about it it's pretty much obvious."
"How is it obvious?!" Tae protested.
"Well anyone who looks at you two can see how much you love each other" Jeongguk answered, uninterested.
"I-..." Taehyung buried his face on the pillow. "But Hobi-hyung loves everyone of us. We all love each other, how is that love different between the two of us?"
"Hey stop ignoring me! Taehyung explain this to me right now! Since when? What do you mean you like him? Like as in, like, like?"
"Like like?"
"Like as in love like, hyung."
"Well I love him too. What do you mean?"
"Romantic love, hyung. Romantic."
Taehyung looked up from his pillow letting out a small gasp, hugging his pillow tighter. "Romantic? I don't know..."
"Aahh you wanna hold hands and go on dates and kiss like in Rookie King?" Jimin teased, while making a kissy face towards Taehyung, who threw the pillow he was holding at him in return.
It wasn't like that. He didn't want that, dates and stuff. He was happy the way their relationship was right now. He could lay his head on Hoseok's lap, hug him -a lot-, run his fingers through Hoseok's hair, just a normal hyung and dongsaeng relationship. Yes, he would really like to be able to do that kind of stuff more often and maybe without the concern of being scolded by the manager for leaving a wrong impression or a bad image to the fans. That was one of the things he hated the most, but what hurt him the most was that Hoseok became very aware of PDA as well, which caused many failed attempts of Taehyung wanting to just hug his hyung from the back and earning a bad look instead. That sucked. If only Hoseok hyung was more cuddly with him, if only-
"So? What are you gonna do about it? Are you going to tell him?" Jimin interrupted his train of thought.
"Tell him what?"
"That you like him, hyung, that you like Hoseok-hyung." Jeongguk clarified.
"I like Hos- what? No! I don't even, I mean I do, like him, he already knows that. I just wanted to share this with you guys so you can help me figure out if this," he unwillingly moved his hand to his chest. "...if this is just a thing of the moment. You know how much I care about Hoseok-hyung, sometimes I've got these ...phases and I want to... hug him more than usual, right? Maybe that's all it is. Just a passenger thing."
Jimin and Jeongguk looked at each other and then at Taehyung. The maknae even raised an eyebrow at him.
"What, why are you giving me that look."
"You didn't keep us awake till now because of that."
"Hyung you're so oblivious it's annoying."
"I don't think I'm getting what you're trying to say?"
Jimin crossed his arms on his chest and cleaned his throat before saying with a knowing smile, "What you have, my dear TaeTae, is a crush on Hoseok-hyung."
"...a crush?"
Jeongguk laughed and covered his face while muttering something like 'as if you know what that is' which made Jimin throw at him the pillow Tae had thrown at him before.
"I know what it is!"
"Then explain it."
"I can do it." Jimin said, and proceeded to clean his throat once again. "A crush is... it's like... when... when you like a person but the person doesn't like you, so you gotta like... you know..."
Taehyung stared at Jimin, blinking a couple of times before looking at Jeongguk.
"Okay, no. A crush happens. There has to be a moment, a moment when you feel it, not only here but also here" Jeongguk explained pointing at his heart ans then his head. "It could be anywhere and anytime. A crush is a realization. It could have been there since a while ago, or not, but then you realize because it hits you. A crush is sudden, it doesn't give you time to think about it because it's already there, and you have to deal with it somehow. You have no choice but to feel it, you're stuck with it."
Jeongguk stopped the urge to laugh because of Taehyung's open mouth in both awe and concentration on his words.
"Did that happened to you, hyung? Did it hit you?"
Tae started to think about a moment where he realized something but couldn't really find one. There was of course a lot of moments when he'd look at Hoseok and something would happen inside his chest, like when Hoseok dances on stage and all eyes are on him, encouraging him, supporting him, rooting for him, making him own the place. Or when Hoseok struggles to write his raplines because he wants his part to be 'good enough for the fans to hear', because he wants his lyrics to leave something in the people who hear them, and not to just go in and out through their ears. Or when Hoseok stays late to practice in the studio because he thinks he can do better even when he's probably perfect. Every time Hoseok cries because he misses his family. Every time Hoseok laughs because he's genuinely happy. All of those moments and more had Taehyung feeling things, so how could he be able to know when or how it happened? All he knew was that he just wanted to hug his hyung more often lately, and spend more time around him too. Also Hobi-hyung has gotten more handsome but that's just a minor detail.
"Well, if that's not the case maybe yeah, it's just a passenger thing and it will go away soon, so we can go back to sleep. Our flight is in 5 hours." Jeongguk said and covered his shoulders with the bedsheets while turning on his bed, his back now facing his hyungs.
Tae and Jimin followed.
"That was deep, Jungkookie." Jimin said after a while, eyes already closed.
"Mhm, that's what you get when you're roommates with Rapmon-hyung."
Taehyung fell asleep that night thinking about that moment.
*
"TaeTae, wanna go out for some drinks?"
Practice had finished and BTS was now stretching and changing into non-sweated clothes to return to the dorm after a long day.
"Um..." Hoseok spoke once again, a hint of disappointment on his voice at Taehyung's unresponsive expression. "If you're too tired I can go by mysel-"
"I'll go!" Tae blurted out, a bit too eagerly, and ran towards the closet. "I'll go look for our coats, wait here."
"Hobi-ah, where are you two going?" Namjoon asked. The leader had come look for the members to get on the van.
"I'd like to get some fresh air, have some coke or something. Next week is going to be long and the outside might help me relax a little, is it okay? I don't want to cause trouble."
"That's okay, but why are you taking Taehyung-ssi with you?"
"Well..." Hoseok shrugged and raised a hand to scratch the back of his head. "He... gives me some sort of peace? I think?... and it won't be bad for him either."
Namjoon smiled.
"Okay, I'll let the manager know, he'll probably give you an hour. Look out for him Hobi, for both of you."
*
"If you don't come closer I'll leave you behind!"
After buying a couple of soda cans in a convenience store nearby, Hoseok and Taehyung started walking as far as they could in the night of Seoul. Well, mostly it was Hoseok walking somewhere and Taehyung following behind at a considerable distance, since he was busy taking pictures of his hyung.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Tae shouted as he ran forward to close the distance between them.
"What were you doing back there?" Hoseok questioned, smiling.
"Just taking some pictures" Tae answered while slowly lowering his phone, but before it could reach his pocket Hoseok was trying to grab it. And so the struggle began.
"Hyung! stop it! I don't wanna show you!"
"Aww Taehyung-ssi don't hide things from your hyung!"
At least 5 minutes had passed and Hoseok was trying to climb on Taehyung's back. It wasn't about the phone anymore, just the two of them having fun.
"Okay, I give up" Hoseok pouted and drank what was left of his coke before throwing it in a trash bin. "Let's go sit over there." He grabbed Taehyung's hand and led him to one of the benches of the park they were at.
Hoseok sat down, legs crossed, and Taehyung just couldn't resist the urge to lay his head on his favorite pillow, a.k.a Hobi's lap.
"You comfortable?"
"Very." Taehgung answered giving his hyung a big squared smile.
"Cute..." Hoseok huffed a laugh and sighed, looking up to the sky between the trees. It was a cold night, but at times like these the chilly breeze was what he needed the most. The wind caressing his face, the cold air filling his lungs, the sound of leaves hitting each other, the warmth of his dongsaeng. This was the way Hoseok could find peace and relax completely.
"Hyung?"
"Yes?"
"...what are gou thinking about?"
"Mm? Nothing really..."
Taehyung looked straight at his face and Hoseok kept looking everywhere but him.
"You're staring" Hobi laughed and ruffled Tae's hair, so the latter took his hand to stop him.
"And you're lying."
When Hoseok tried to release his hand from Taehyung's grip he tightened it, and for what it felt like the first time in the night they actually looked at each other in the eyes. At that moment, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of the wind, and Taehyung didn't loose his grip until Hoseok started talking.
"I-I've noticed..." he took a deep breath. "all of you have grown so much... in so many ways..."
Taehyung furrowed his brows but didn't let go of his hand.
"Our members, you included, are all growing up so much and so fast... dancing, singing, rapping, composing..." he sighed. "Sometimes... sometimes I feel like you guys are leaving me behind, like even, even if I try my best you are always above me."
A single tear fell down Hoseok's cheek, and still he was trying to not show it on his voice.
"Hyung, you're not-"
"I'm not-" he sniffed and then smiled "I'm not trying to make you pity me."
Taehyung was still laying on Hoseok's lap, completely taken aback by the overwhelming situation, unable to speak or even let out a sound. Hoseok wasn't lying, that smile was honest, but somehow the whole situation made Taehyung unease, until suddenly, his hyung moved his hand to lace their fingers together.
"What I'm trying to say is, that I'm not giving up, Taehyung-ssi. I won't give up, I'll keep practicing harder and harder to keep up with you all. I'll be a hyung you can be proud of, I promise. It's important, to me, that you know this.
Tae was having a hard time trying to process everything. First of all, he was already proud of his hyung, since the beginning. Second, he couldn't really believe that Hoseok felt that way about the members and him, he clearly was getting better at dancing, he was already the best at Hoseok's eyes, he had written awesome lyrics, he even was getting more and more handsome by the time. It was hard to believe he thought he was less than the others. And third, all this hand holding thing was for some reason making Taehyung's heart beat really fast inside his chest, so he decided to just smile at his hyung and simply go for a short yet reasonable sentence.
"Yes, hyung."
Jung Hoseok was crying, smiling, holding his hand and making promises to him. Taehyung felt that his heart was about to burst right there, and at that moment, he felt it. The moment Jimin-ssi and Jungkookie were talking about was happening, he could feel whatever feeling that was, and it was already inside him.
That night, after taking a quick shower and before going to bed, Taehyung made a post on the official fancafe account. He uploaded the pictures he had taken minutes ago, and added a text that read;
You...
Only an exclamation can come out.
I can understand now why people look at you and go, "Oh"