Chapter Text
It's the end of the course's first week and most of the apprentices have already left the work site. Two of the older kids, Cat and a young man—who's name Joel is fairly certain is Jamie, or maybe Jason, no Jesse, that's the one—are packing up their things, getting ready to leave.
However the younger girl in the back, lingers.
Joel doesn't know what to make of her. She seems to be doing alright, knows her way around woodwork and using the electric saw and drill. But the little wooden stool she's been working on for the past week just keeps on falling apart. Joel went over to her work bench a few times, trying to give helpful advice, correcting a couple of rookie mistakes.
Ellie wasn't exactly dismissive of his help. She listened to him eagerly, and Joel knows that she genuinely tried to follow his instructions. But somehow things just didn't work out. It happens, and Joel was trying his best to say that if an idea or project doesn't seem to work out after a few tries, it's always okay to start over. Ellie, apparently, didn't take the subtle hint.
Joel stalls. Goes around the garage, looking over all of the kid's pieces, appreciating their progress so far and thinking of tips he could give out come the next session.
However, after about ten minutes or so, he's ready to wrap up, not really knowing what else to do and feeling weirdly self conscious of his every move with only Ellie in the garage. He doesn't want to kick her out, she's so immersed in her work, trying out a different type of nail to get the pieces to remain a whole.
Joel can wait. Actually, he's not exactly in a hurry to get back to his big and empty house that was once a home but will never be again.
So, Joel let's Ellie work.
Looking over the garage once more, he concludes that most of the kids made pretty good progress with their project, the only instruction being to create a piece of wood that can hold a bag of apples.
At first, Joel had no idea where to begin, what to show them, how to teach them. Eventually he decided to just free ball it and do whatever came to mind.
The kids are surprisingly eager to learn. Which, sure, understandable. This isn't school and Joel doesn't talk to them like a condescending teacher. They are allowed to curse and express themselves however they want.
Joel made it clear in the beginning that they were to call him by his first name. They were all equals here. Just because he had a wider skill set didn't mean he was above them. It never should be that way, when it comes to teaching, but that's just Joel's opinion. He sure as hell knows his middle school math teacher wouldn't agree with that sentiment. That old fucker.
Anyway, good work ethic, for mostly all of them, but still they need some work on their execution. Which is fine. That's why they're here after all. That's why Joel even agreed to do this whole thing.
Help the youth out a bit, as Tommy had put it.
Still, the first few days had been overwhelming.
Joel's not used to being around so many people at once. At all, really. Especially not with, more or less kids. They might be legal adults, but to Joel they just seem like babies.
Still, it's important that all of the applicants were to be above 18, Tommy wanted to launch a program for kids that got fresh out of high school, without a definite plan of what to do next.
Joel didn't even want to consider this whole idea at first, but Tommy, like always, managed to convince him eventually. And on top of it all, the little shit didn't even show up for the first day of the course, which was all in all an understandable move.
Tommy just became a dad after all. Priorities.
But that left Joel alone in a room full of eighteen to twenty something year olds, drinking in his every word, watching his movements and technique like hawks.
Well, there's a first for everything. He thinks. It's... nice in a way. To be around young people. To be useful again, in a way that's tangible and real.
There's also a very particular buzz of energy in a room full of people who still have their whole lives ahead of them.
Joel would envy them, envy their joy if he didn't know how easily it can be taken away.
He tries not to be the kind of guy who sees the negative and dark side of everything but the hard truth is—everything in life is a gamble. A liability. Noone knows that better than him.
He rubs at his broken watch, trying to steer clear of too painful memories.
He thinks back on the faces, the occasional laughter and easy going banter that filled his days for the past week. It's been nice in a way nothing has for the last twenty years.
There was just one kid whose laugh stood out. Who held themself in a way that had Joel glance over to their work station more often than not.
Joel couldn't help notice that Ellie has a big laugh, which, there's no better word for it, electrifies the room. The girl seems to be friends with everyone, the life of the party already, despite all of them just meeting a few days ago.
Joel is quite impressed actually, he wishes he had half the amount of social skills she does.
He's just inspecting one of the kid's—Dina's—shelf arrangement when he hears a bang and a stifled yet clearly pained "fuck".
He looks over to where the sound came from. In the back, Ellie holds her forearm close to her chest, squeezing her eyes shut, pain twisting her face into a grimace.
"You okay?" Joel asks, loud enough to be heard from the other side of the garage.
"No," the kid says, sarcasm dripping from her voice. "Don't worry, is hasn't fallen off yet," she adds with a stiff laugh.
"Not funny," Joel chastises as he hurries over to her.
To avoid scenarios exactly like this one, Joel began the course by giving a long winded speech about the importance of safety, and to never handle sharp tools unless they feel a hundred percent in control of themselves.
If you're too tired to smile, you're too tired to hold a hammer, his 'Pa used to say when Tommy and him were kids, just starting to learn how to make and build things.
Clearly, not all of Joel's advice stuck. And there it is, the first accident he has to deal with. Great. He feels his heart beat faster at the thought of one of these kids getting seriously hurt under his watch.
He makes his way over to Ellie in a few quick strides, trying to assess the damage even from a distance.
He reaches her, and when she doesn't move her arm—even after he gently nudges her with an "Okay if I take a look?"—he slowly takes ahold of her wrist, trying to see how badly she's hurt.
She goes stiff. “No, it’s fine. Don’t—,” she protest, but Joel has to see, has to know how bad the injury is. In his head he's already thinking of the quickest route to the nearest hospital.
He pulls her sleeve up.
"Ellie," he says, unable to help it dread squeezing his chest.
"It’s fine," she protests, pulling away. "I’m handling it."
Her arm is covered in cuts.
The array of thin red lines burns into Joel's mind. He doesn't even have time to fully register the extent and severity of what he's seeing as Ellie curses and unsuccessfully tries to pull her arm out of his hold.
"What—," Joel's voice breaks off, his eyes widening as he focuses on the kid's arm again.
Before he can get another word out, Ellie tugs her sleeve down over her knuckles and pushes him away. The motion is radiating irritation and anger.
She's fast to turn her body out of Joel's sight. Joel sees her shoulders tense, coming up close to her ears. Hiding, making herself small.
He suddenly feels too big. Imposing. Something to be scared of, something that could be a threat.
"Hey," Joel says lamely, desperate to keep her close. If she lets her go away now, well. He just really doesn't want her out of his sight.
"Don't worry about it," Ellie says, every muscle of her body tense. She finally looks back at him, her lips pulled up in a small little smile, the saddest smile Joel's seen in a long time.
She sounds tired. Defeated.
"How can I not—just," Fuck. Joel's way out of his depths here.
"Let's just forget this ever happened," Ellie says hurriedly, not meeting Joel's eyes.
"We need to talk about this," Joel manages, reeling from images of Ellie bleeding out somewhere. Alone and in pain.
"There's nothing to talk about," Ellie bites back, tone leaving no room for argument. "You can as easily forget it as you noticed it."
Joel takes in a sharp breath and despite his better judgment, he pushes. "Some of those looked deep."
"Don't worry I know exactly how deep I can go," Ellie laughs, but it comes out sharp, cold. Joel's only known her for a couple of days, but he can recognize that she doesn't sound like herself.
Also, Joel does absolutely not appreciate her trying to joke about her self harm.
"Do you—need help?" Joel asks after a beat because he knows better than to say something like "she needs to stop or else". Or that what she's doing is not healthy.
Joel's got a hunch she already knows that more than anyone.
Ellie gives him a seething look, all bark and no bite, but still. Joel takes half a step back, not wanting to crowd her too much.
She doesn't say anything but she moves quickly and starts to pack her things; gathering her jacket and tools that are around her work bench and shoving them into her worn down back pack.
"Ellie," Joel says quietly, though it comes out sounding like a question. He can't just let her go.
"It's just something I do, okay? No need to make it into a big deal." She says, sounding upset. "Can we please just go on as if this never happened?" Her voice breaks and that's just about as much as Joel's heart can take.
"Okay," Joel says even though it's killing him to let this go, to let the kid out of his sight without making sure she's safe first. But, he can't see how pushing the topic even further would help in any way either. "Just tell me this—do you have someone to talk to?"
Ellie scoffs. "Sure five therapist, and ten psychiatrists. They even give me the good stuff." She rolls her eyes and imitates a knocking sound as she hits her forehead a couple of times with her closed fist. "Do I look like I've insurance, dude?"
"I meant family. Or friends," Joel adds when she sees Ellie's eyes darken at the mention of family. That's a no go then.
"I'm out of here," Ellie announces as she pulls on her backpack, not sparing another look at Joel.
"Just—I know I'm essentially a stranger. But you can talk to me. You have my number, kid. Use it."
"Noted." Ellie nods stiffly then she bolts out of the garage without another word.
---
No matter how hard he tries Joel can't go to sleep that night. He's tossing and turning in his bed until 3 am when he decides to finally give in. He pushes himself up and goes into the living room to get a glass of water while scrolling through his phone.
After a few minutes of mindless scrolling, a quiet buzz breaks him out of his haze. He clicks on the pop up notification only to see a new message from Ellie.
ellie_25008 messaged:
hey
im sorry about today.
—3.34 am
Joel rubs at his eyes, urging his mind to catch up and make sense of what he sees. Three points pop up on the screen, so Joel doesn't answer yet, waiting to see what else Ellie wants to say.
ellie_25008 messaged:
please don't kick me out of the course.
its kind of the only thing i have going for me atm.
—3:37 am
Joel can't do this. What in the hell is going through the kid's head? Why would Joel kick her out? Especially after what he learned yesterday.
It's hard—not seeing Ellie right now. Not knowing the expression on her face, not being able to read her.
joel.miller messaged:
I am not kicking you out. Get some sleep. We'll talk tomorrow.
—3:39 am
He contemplates sending a gif that says Good night in big bold sparkling letters, but even he feels that would be too boomer-like.
Ellie doesn't text anything after that, but Joel has to ask.
joel.miller messaged:
Everything okay?
—3:40 am
It's simple, hopefully not too overbearing. Joel doesn't want to make Ellie uncomfortable, doesn't want to push and butt into her business. Go where he doesn't belong and is not welcome.
But he can't get the image of the kid's arm out of his head. Whenever he closes his eyes all he can see is red.
Sharp red lines going up and down, god knows how high up. It makes Joel's stomach twist, sickens him with worry.
Ellie's an adult. Joel can't and won't tell her what she can and can't do. And it's not like he can't understand, the... struggle. God knows Joel has had his fair share of pain, self inflicted or otherwise.
But to think that Ellie, a god-damned kid, legal adult or not, could go through something like this alone unlocks a whole new level of pain in him.
He paces up and down the room until four am, trying to think of a way to handle this situation appropriately, when he decides fuck it and gets into his Jeep.