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Sanji has recently joined the strawhats crew, and even more recently rescued the beautiful Nami from her awful former captors, who are fortunately little red stains under rubble now.
… And he's now cooking endlessly for a rubber stomached idiot who lacks any sort of common sense.
They're on their way to the grand line, and Sanji admittedly doesn't know his new crew very well yet, still in the strange ‘getting to know each other’ phase of their companionship, jarring after years on The Baratie where he knew everyone he worked with and what he was doing that day like the back of his hand.
And where he's also learning just how much of a stretchy bottomless pit his new captain is...
He sighs, banishing the thought while preparing the finishing touches of lunch today. There's nothing else to do but to let himself adjust to the change, for better or for worse he is on his way to the Grand Line and the All Blue, exciting and terrifying in equal measures.
When he opens the door to the deck of the Going Merry to tell his crew that lunch is ready, he's greeted by the sight of a soaked Luffy being dragged out of the ocean hacking and wheezing by an equally soaked Zoro, with Nami and Usopp panicking in the background, no doubt having fallen overboard after getting too excited over something and forgetting he can't fucking swim.
“What the hell are you idiots doing?”
Luffys face splits into a wide grin after he manages to cough up the rest of the water,
“I was fishing and the fish kept fighting the line, so I jumped down to beat it up!” he laughs, loud and joyful, like the fact he forgot he physically couldn't swim and nearly died for a fish was some kind of joke.
And then Luffy in his usual terrible stroke of lacking any common sense, instead of being normal and going to the cabin to change out of his sea soaked clothes, just starts stripping in front of Nami swan! In the middle of the deck!
Sanji starts to run over to kick some thoughts into that rubber skull “OI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING SCARRING POOR NAMI SWAN LIKE THAT??? GO TO THE MEN'S CABIN TO CHANGE YOU ANIMAL!”
Luffy blinks at Sanji, confusion clear on his face. “What men's cabin? Who cares if I'm changing in front of Nami? We're all girls here!”
“BECAUSE IT'S INDECENT-!”
Sanji's brain and leg stumbles to a halt as he processes what Luffy said
“... What do you mean we're all girls here..?”
Luffy tilts his- her head, now that Sanji forces himself to look, and see he thought was the body of a particularly scrawny young man, was in fact, the body of a particularly flat chested young woman,
“I'm a girl, Namis a girl, Zoros a girl, Usopps a girl, you're a girl!” Luffy says, wrinkling her nose, completely shattering Sanji's reality. “Boy you can be pretty dense Sanji!”
Sanji can feel his jaw drop open, his brain stuttering to a stop, as he looks around the crew with new eyes, taking in little details he glazed over, assuming they were simply young men and thus, blanking them out.
Zoro's features, which he thought were soft for a man who works out as much and showers as little as he- she does, are actually the very built muscles of a woman who trains constantly, and Usopp's earrings and painted nails, well taken care of despite the volatile substances she handles on the daily, which he thought were simply the sign of a young man raised well by his mother, are shone in the new light of a woman who despite her hobbies involving all sorts of volatile, staining materials, still likes to take care of herself.
His brain kicks back on after the freeze it needed to restart.
“Y-you're all… girls?” Sanji whispers, his heart soaring.
His whole crew is women! Maybe not the cute, feminine woman he normally likes but. All. WOMEN!!!! So many girls to dote on!
“How did I not realize-”
and then he realizes.
“I HIT SEVERAL WOMAN” his joy is replaced by a scream, and the beautiful dream rapidly crashes as he goes down with it, landing hard on the deck, replaced by a nightmare as he sobs on the ground. “MULTIPLE TIMES! NO MAN SHOULD EVER HIT A WOMAN!”
Luffy, ignorant to his plight, the absolute barbarian tomboy that she is, simply picks her nose, and eats the booger “It's fine? You're a girl too?”
Confusedly shocked out of his misery by the comment, he sits up, recalling that… he too was included in the girls list, while he was too overwhelmed with emotion of being constantly surrounded by ladies to think about it at the initial realization... “I'm not a girl????” He said, gesturing to… well everything about himself, but particularly his facial hair.
“I don't believe that.”
And while Sanji opened his mouth to reply to that utterly baffling response, Luffy just started stripping again, this time succeeding and making Sanji pass out from seeing a woman's naked ass for the first time.
“...why does Nami have her own separate room since the whole crew is female?” Sanji doesn't bother to argue that he isn't female, as it just devolves into Luffy saying ‘nuh uh’ whenever he tries, much to his annoyance and everyone else's amusement, as he refuses to hit a lady, and wow, Sanji’s brain is still melting over that revelation that his crude captain is a girl even if she is... Confusing. He won't let himself call her annoying. All women are gifts in this world.
Luffy is stuffing her face with Sanji's latest snacks for the ladies (and he still feels guilty for neglecting them that first week on the crew, plying them with extra treats despite them insisting it really didn't matter) “Something about her needing a break from us gross muscle headed butches, whatever that means” she says, spraying the crumbs all over Sanji as she talked.
“… Noted”
The Strawhats continue to pick up more lovely ladies.
Chopper was an adorable kid, always dressed up in the cutest little sundresses Nami could find, even if she did get a little jarring when she transformed into her buff “full human” form, the cute little dresses clashing greatly with the giant buff beast she became.
And then there was the gorgeous, mature Robin, her wit and wisdom making him head over heels! Truly she is a breath of fresh air on this crew with a majority of meatheads, he could listen to her for ages, with her lovely, calm voice like a warm summers day out at sea.
The most recent lovely additions were the giant, scantily clad Cyborg Franky, and the less he thinks about how they got her onto the crew the sanier he'll remain, he can still see Robins hands on Franky's breasts when he closes his eyes, and the eclectic Brook, who freaked him out the first time he met her, but turned out to be a wonderful musician. who he thought was a man at first, but made sure he knew she was a woman like the rest of the crew once she joined aboard. It was a bit confusing since she was all bones, and lacked any features of well… Either sexes, but he wasn't going to think about it too hard.
In other words, Sanji is living the dream, waiting hand and foot on women 24/7, even if a certain mosshead was always very purposely try to start a fight, egging him into spars that make his teeth itch for reasons other than risking hitting a woman.
Although Luffy continues to believe that Sanji is a girl, for some reason. Must be nice living in her world.
So Luffy was right the entire fucking time.
Let's just say... the island Sanji landed on definitely taught her a lot about herself...
She reunited with the mosshead first to her annoyance, she wanted to see how beautifully Nami swan has blossomed in the past few years! (And maybe show off to the woman, she feels good and pretty and she wants to know what Nami thinks of her changes)
Zoro takes in her new appearance with a shit eating grin and an appreciative dragging up and down look that makes her cheeks flush as she lights a new cigarette.
The other woman has changed, despite being the same recognizable mess of unwashed everything (and she can admit it now that she is also a girl, some of her crewmates are indeed, messes.), losing an eye and forgoing a shirt completely to simply keep her tits out to the wind 24/7.
Now if Sanji was the man she was before, she'd be having a fucking meltdown, fortunately, she's had boobs long enough herself now that she's only mildly freaking out.
“Not a girl eh?”
“Shut the fuck up mosshead”
Zoro just laughs at her
Nevermind, what she said about being more resistent to boobs is a lie; She is totally going to die on this crew.
Nami swan is more beautiful than ever, Robin is just wow, and Luffy of all women, has clearly taken tits- tips from Boa Hancock and her girls in the time she spent Amazon Lily and has blossomed into a gorgeous woman despite her rough edges, who also seems to be adhering to the new strawhat policy of exclusively wearing shirts that are clinging onto boobs with hopes and a prayer-
Sanji has a nosebleed to beat all nosebleeds, and promptly passes out, jibbering incoherently.