Chapter Text
Death was somewhat similar to sun. Unlike his siblings, he had never experienced it. It seemed to have kept away from him, avoiding him while staying close. Sometimes in an instant train of thoughts he would feel responsible for his family’s deaths, even if he had no real way of stopping it. Some would say it was fate, some would say it’s a curse. Either way, Sun couldn’t help to think, thats what make’s him feel human. Unintentionally, he had caused pain to them. Whether it was intentional or not.
Even then, that doesn’t end there, he killed people that could have changed to be better. He was cruel, and could only focus on himself. An egoistic person, to say the least— that what Sun thought of himself.
Himself, he’d had always had mixed feelings about, crumbling pain and agony from a mind locked and perhaps with no exit. There was no denying it, in a way, he was a selfish person. Often he would do things only thinking about his own benefits. Maybe he had the right to be selfish, after all he had gone through. Maybe all of this was just to protect himself, to try and survive. All of it was a big maybe, standing on a line but slowly pushing into one side or the other depending on what happens.
Children. children in his guard died because of him. He was meant to protect them, to take care of them. Now they all sleeping forever. He hurt people, as much as he didn’t want to admit it. It was the truth: the real, cruel, truth. Deep down, he was the reason why Nexus became evil: if he had tried just a little more to see him differently, maybe he’d still be here, right in his arms. There is a world where Evelyn could have had a normal childhood, but because of him, it wasn’t this one. He was a monster, a miserable, lonely, monster.
Perhaps he should move on and live off his life. But would that really be right, to forget?
of course, those were only what he thought to himself. After all, nobody really blamed him for those things. All of the family had done bad things, it wasn’t new. Realistically, they probably wouldn’t blame him if those things were true— but nobody would ever mention it.
Maybe Nexus was right, he never has made solid decision. Sun didn’t like choosing. He was always forced to choose things, things that he didn’t want to decide. He was put into places he didn’t wanna be— like he’d be able to tell what right and wrong.
Sun, he didn’t know what was supposed to be right. He tried his best, but he always regretted his decision, even if he couldn’t have chosen something else. Maybe—deep down— it wasn’t regret but guilt, guilt for the consequences of his decisions. Guilt, for something he didn’t have an choice to determine.
He’d spend night and day questioning nothing and everything. He was scared of possibility—of everything that could happen because and not because of him. In all honesty, He knew he was gonna die one day. It wasn’t even dying that scared him: it was what happens when you’re dead.
perhaps he wanted to know where the other children of july 16th, those who stayed down under the ground like they were supposed to, are now. Unlike Evelyn, it wasn’t likely that the others got a second chance to put it simply but maybe that wasn’t everything.
Question about everything and nothing at the same time filled his mind, mixing into one another to create what is known.Will being dead bring happiness to his family, would it be better? will he forget his family, and live an life of eternity forgetting the ones that kept his over the water for so long? will he just be reduced to nothingness, not being able to feel or do anything?it scared him to the core, all the possibilities possible.
It felt useless to be scared, he had no reason to. It was something that couldn’t be stopped, it was destined to be. But he couldn’t help it, he couldn’t help to be fearful.It was part of him, it was what made it him.but, Sun would wish otherwise. He wished he could be a little bit stronger, that he’d be able to be what they needed.
He wished he could become someone better than himself, change himself from the mold.The body of metal of his was the only thing he could change without losing himself, the person he is in the process. He tried desperately to change but nothing seemed to be different whatever he did.
He loved his family.He wanted his family safe, both alive and emotionally and physically fine too. He wanted the best for them, it was all he wished for. He wanted to repay them, for loving him unconditionally when times were tough. He didn’t want any of them to die, and be forever only a star in the night’s sky shining back to him every night.
Dying, was such a big thing. It wasn’t especially rare, it was part of life but it was the part that most people spent their life wondering about. Especially for living being, as they have no way of coming back due to their organic system. They simply were buried and forever lost by time.
for him and his family, they seemed to always come back. Even people who the possibility of coming back were close to 0. Even so, them dying wasn’t necessary, it wasn’t an good thing either. If they didn’t die, they wouldn’t have to come back either.
It was an endless loop, a curse .It spread to everyone they considered close. It was an unending cycle despite their desperate tries to live a normal life. Their life turned to shambles then gets fixed, leaving them with the memories and a new life to get used to.
Sun, he had somewhat found an escape from that loop seemingly written on their grave as soon as they were considered part of the family.He somehow had the right to like a somewhat normal life, despite everything that happened to him. He had the chance to live his life without an end being put to it.
For an long while, he was alive. he had seen everything and everyone. He had stuck around the longest. But it could only last so long, before he succumbed to the ground, like the rest of them.
He had seen everything and throughout his life, he had expected to be the next to be chosen. To die and rest forever and ever. But, it never did, it never came to take him. It took everything he loved first and struck him last.
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Sun knew what could’ve happened.
He tried to walk on a cord knowing that if he fell it’ll all be over. One simple step, soft and careful, and nevertheless could have terrible consequences.
He already had made his decision.what was left his brother —wounded by his actions of the past — would cease to hurt anyone else no matter what. It was a fact Sun had come to accept, fast and impulsively so.
but, in those moments of silence and calm welcoming him into his last breath. it seemed that, faced with death, he was a little afraid. deep down perhaps he wished of more time, time to understand.
His brother was one of the most caring person he knew, blooming like a flower in spring. But his heart held pain and it had eaten him from the inside out till he had withered into something bitter and angry. After all, he had every right to do so. But he wished he would have been able to listen, through sadness,anger and all those things he buried deep inside him
His body had been burned into bits, much like sun had once did to nexus. Wasn’t that ironic — dying by the same thing that he had once inflicted on him?
although painful, sun couldn’t bring himself to hold anger towards him. of course, he was upset about nexus hurting the rest of his family who had done nothing wrong , but even so, he had never acted on it.
maybe finally dying could offer them time to heal, wether there is an afterlife or not. starting over from a new world could be of use to him. Sun hoped he’d find a way to heal, without him.
as his time ran out, he thought about his family— dazzle, a sweet girl that didn’t deserve what happened to her. although not in his control he seemed to hold it against himself— earth, his little sister, who was forced to hold the weight of the family alone, he wished he could have stood beside her— lunar, his brother, who suppressed to express his feelings till it burst out, he wished he could have held him in his arms and comforted him through his tears
he hoped that they would move on and forget about him, that his death wouldn’t cause them to much pain. but, even so, death had no spot for sun yet. much like the rest of him family, death had no intention to keep him there forever…