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It seems obvious to Zuko, upon reflection, that he would develop feelings for Katara. He isn’t the first to, and he doubts he’d be the last. But of the cohort that find their hearts beat faster when she is near, the Avatar himself is amongst them. The Avatar, Aang, whom Zuko could now have the privilege to call a friend.
You would have to be utterly naive to not see the way Aang would pine after Katara.
Theirs would be story told for years to come. Zuko is sure of it.
And the day of his coronation, when Mai had wandered back into his life, Zuko knew that he would need to accept the inevitable.
“It helps when your boyfriend is the new Fire Lord,” she’d said to him.
Part of Zuko had resigned to this remark. He was now to be crowned the Fire Lord, and Mai would be his Fire Lady in a few years. It all ties up in a clean bow. His feelings for Katara would surely fade with due time.
The rush and adrenaline-coursing urgency of war probably confused his mind, his heart, his damn sweaty-palms.
Katara was a sweet thought of what-if, but not something seated in reality.
His feelings would surely fade.
.
.
His feelings do not fade.
But over the years, Zuko learns to live with them.
He wonders though how blatant he is with his behaviour when she comes to visit. He does his best to hide it, or so he thinks. But he recognises his relationship with Mai grows more tense during the times Katara’s presence is in the palace.
It doesn’t help that the grand love story he assumed would materialise between Katara and Aang doesn’t appear to have even begun. Its a topic danced around when the group visit. Maybe a subtle comment dropped here and there by Sokka, or Toph, or even Aang himself – comments that Zuko notices the Katara mainly brushes off.
It is during one of these visits, where on cue Mai announces she is planning to spend some time away from the palace, that Aang approaches Zuko after a council meeting to seek his advice.
The two men relocate to Zuko’s office. Aang flops himself down on an armchair, and launches into a spiel of his frustrations with his stagnant relationship with Katara.
Zuko feels his chest constrict, but he ignores it, and replies to the young airbender, “I wasn’t aware that you two had begun a relationship”.
Aang shrugs sheepishly, “well, we aren’t technically together”.
“What’s the technicality?”
“Well,” Aang slowly begins, “she hasn’t said she’ll be my girlfriend, but its obvious, you know, to everyone. I spoke to Toph and she just told me to just man up about it, I dunno what that even means but she said she does notice Katara’s heartbeat increases around me, like tonight when we were all at dinner, Toph told me afterwards Katara’s heart was beating so fast so I know she has feelings for me so something is holding her back-”
“She might just not be ready for something yet, Aang,” Zuko gently cuts in, “I know she’s busy”.
Aang blinks, “you know that?”
“Well, yea,” Zuko replies, “we still write each other, and she’s relatively busy. Even at the temples with you-”
“She’s not that busy,” Aang rebukes, “at the temples, its just cooking and chores and stuff that she’s always done. And sometimes she goes back to the South Pole so its not even...” the airbender shakes his head, “I just want to talk to her about, us, and she keeps brushing it off and like, even Sokka has tried helping”.
“Sokka?” Zuko echos, “what’s he been doing?”
Aang grins, “he’s just sort of dropping hints and stuff about her needing to talk to me. I’ve asked him to do that. Like at dinner tonight, remember?”
Zuko does remember, a comment he thought was odd at the time but now he realises that it was an influenced remark. “Aang, I get the feeling that you’re here to ask me to do something similar”.
Aang bares his smirk bashfully, “it’s that obvious, huh?”
Zuko pauses, “I don’t think I’m the best person to help here”.
“Why not?” Aang pushes on, “you and Sokka already know about this stuff. You have Mai, and he has Suki-”
“I don't mean in that aspect,” Zuko replies, “I mean, I don’t know if I can…” he trails off, stomach twisting; how exactly is he going to encourage Katara to pursue a relationship with Aang, when that goes against what he himself would want?
But then again, would he not be a hypocrite with this line of thinking? He is in a relationship with Mai right now. Perhaps out of duty, but it was a serious relationship nonetheless. Katara deserved the same. And really, he’d already come to terms with knowing that they would never be, so what exactly was stopping him from agreeing to Aang’s request?
“You two are kinda close, you know,” Aang continues, frowning slightly, “in like a weird, boring, grown-up way. It would really help Zuko, if you just talk to her for me a bit”.
Zuko sighs – and relents.
.
.
He cannot do it.
He cannot say the words he had promised to say to Katara. He just cannot.
On the eve of the group’s departure, Katara asks him to accompany her somewhere in the evening, and he agrees without hesitation. The promise he’d made to Aang all but forgotten.
She leads him away from the palace, upon a rarely used path, towards a less frequented part of the city. They traverse stone steps embedded into dirt, peaking out through moss and foliage that grows around. Large open gates welcome travellers along its path. The setting sun paints the sky in red and orange.
Zuko realises soon where Katara intends to lead him. Its an old shrine in the Fire Nation. Constructed before the war. A shrine that espoused a notion that the Fire Nation had forgotten during said war – but a notion Zuko hopes to embed in the fabric of his country once more. The shrine is built in honour of waterbenders and waterbending; man-made streams criss-cross the floor and lead to a beautifully crafted stone fountain. Surrounded by large overhanging trees. The shrine itself presents a spectacular view of the city below.
The shrine is one of three, the other two dedicated to earthbending and airbending. All shrines, though, have fallen to disrepair over time. The shrine to the waterbenders less so than the others. Still, Katara clearly can see the beauty in the place.
She tells him she didn’t know something so beautiful was in the city. Zuko smiles, and leads them to sit upon one of the benches near the edge of the shrine so they can look at the city view. Zuko explains the history of the shrines, and Katara listens quietly, eagerly drinking in his words.
“I would love to restore this place,” Katara says, “all the shrines, included the one to earthbending and airbending”.
“Whatever you want,” Zuko replies to her softly, “I can make it so”.
.
.
It will come that over the next year, Katara dedicates her time to the project of restoring the shrines of the Fire Nation. Within that year, Zuko finds himself gravitating towards spending every available free moment with Katara. Whether it be to help her in the project, or just spend some time down by the beach for a chat. Or sharing a bowl of noodles at a small hole-in-the-wall within Caldera. Or sparring with someone that gets that spark lighting in his veins. Zuko spends so much time with Katara, that one evening, two months into Katara’s project, Mai calls him out.
“I’m supposed to be your girlfriend, not her”.
Zuko pales, and blurts out a messy reply of, “she’s not – we’re not – Mai, you are my girlfriend”.
He can hear the bitterness in his own tone. A subconscious slip of the tongue, as it were. She hears it too.
Mai tells him the next morning that she is going to visit Ty Lee for a few weeks. She doesn’t tell him of her return date. Zuko is not too fussed to know of it either.
.
.
Months pass, and rumours already fly around his break up with Mai. A break up that seems to have just assumed itself. But Zuko doesn’t correct anyone on this fact when brought up. Maybe he just prefers it that way.
He knows Katara knows, but she doesn’t bring it up. Like she is scared to broach the subject. So he instead brings it up via a lighthearted comment during one of their dinners together, “you know, Mai hated crab,” he says, over their meal of said dish.
Katara raises a brow, “really?” she pauses, smiling softly, “its so tasty, though”.
“I agree,” Zuko chuckles, “the worst part though, back when I was dating her, she wouldn’t let me have any myself,” Zuko lifts a crab leg, smirking, “good riddance on two occasions, huh?”
Katara giggles as an unspoken tension lifts between them.
.
.
During Katara’s time in the Fire Nation, Zuko receives several letters from Aang reminding Zuko that he needs to keep his promise. He needs to help with his pursuit of Katara.
Zuko would always take a deep breath to find his resolve. He knew his role. The promise.
But it seems that the moment his gold eyes capture her blue gaze, the contents of Aang’s numerous letters would always leave the forefront of his mind.
.
.
Zuko knows he is in love. Its a fact. He has come to accept it. So in the last few weeks of Katara’s major project to restore the shrines, Zuko finds his heart begins to ache as he knows of her imminent departure. His mood sours. Demeanour darkens, and Katara notices this with a laugh, and tells him one evening that she has something she wants to talk to him about.
She has prepared a small dinner for them. She has made, by herself, his favourite curry with steamed rice, and side dishes of fish, vegetables, and fried tofu. She explains to him that the fish was the most difficult dish to prepare, but she’d been practising down in Harbor for a week with an old woman who runs a restaurant. Said woman wanted to thank Katara for her assistance a few weeks back in healing her son’s broken ankle.
He is overcome with a feeling he cannot truly describe with words.
They eat with an easy banter passing between them. The meal is delicious. And Katara is beautiful. And his heart isn’t sure it can take the loss of her presence.
“There is something I want to tell you,” Katara says to him with a softer tone than before, both of them having finished their meals.
Zuko nods for her to continue as he pours them both cups of green tea.
She thanks him, and hesitates briefly before beginning, “I like you, Zuko”.
The teapot nearly slips from his hands.
Did she just?
No, maybe he’s misunderstanding. Maybe she means like a friend. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up with the possibility of that sentence he still can’t believe he’d heard.
He is quiet. Mind numb with shock.
Hesitantly, cheeks growing red, Katara continues, “I mean, like, I like you more than a friend, Zuko. I have feelings for you”.
This is it – dream obtained, spirits blessed.
But then, reality comes crashing back. The world doesn’t expect this to be the way it plays out. The stars themselves have written out the love story that is supposed to happen with Katara and Aang. Zuko is not lucky enough to swipe this dream away from the Avatar of all people. And even more so, he cannot anger Aang. Not when his nation is still needs the support of the Avatar.
He needs to maintain peace. Remain a stalwart for recovery and he cannot do that indulging in – no, no – but it isn’t fair.
Why couldn’t he just say yes to Katara; tell her of his love.
He couldn’t be with any other woman but her. But he needs to be with someone suitable for his role as the Fire Lord. It’s an unbelievably frustrating point but it is still a reality that his nation wouldn’t accept him taking a foreign partner. Or so the noble-class and his very own council insist is the case.
And he had promised Aang.
But this simply isn’t fair.
Zuko could practically feel the bile rise in his throat as he speaks his next words, “I’m sorry, Katara. But with my role, and your...you,” he swallows, already disgusted with himself, “you and Aang belong together”.
His ears ring as his mind swirls in anger. His vision swims in red. He can barely make out Katara’s soft reply of, “oh, okay”.
He cannot look at her. He cannot raise his eyes to look at her. He is incensed with what he has said. What he has done.
There had been something building between them this year. He isn’t naive to that. He’d practically indulged in that. And yet, here he is, rejecting what he’d been so foolish to pursue without even realising.
He can see from his peripheral that Katara stands up, and leaves silently without another word.
Duty before love. That is the mantra he’d forced himself to live by after the war.
The world is bigger than him.
Bigger than them.
Doing the right thing always felt like the correct path. Following the Avatar after war; seeking his uncle’s forgiveness; standing beside Katara to face his sister.
Those felt right.
But this – this felt wrong.
.
.
They don’t speak for a few days – and then they do. Katara approaches him and asks for him to come by the restored waterbending shrine, the last one she had decided to tackle in her project. She speaks to him as she normally would; tone warm and smile soft. Like she hadn’t just been rejected in her feelings for him.
Rejected incorrectly.
But one thing Zuko notices is the sparkle in her eyes that he adores seeing has now dulled somewhat. Its still there, but distant. Different.
And he isn’t entirely sure how to bring it up.
So he doesn’t.
That evening, when he comes by to see the restored shrine, he finds his words leave him as he is in utter shock at what Katara has managed to achieve. The place looks beautiful; clean and with a touch of her own additions including small lanterns hung overhead, and tulips planted around the perimeter.
She asks if he likes it, and Zuko blurts out an incoherent string of praise and wonder. She giggles with a blush as if she could decipher his cacophony of noises disguised as words.
His heart beats. His body yearns. He knows now he needs to come clean, to admit to her that he had spoken nothing but lies before. That he loves her, wholeheartedly, and damn be it to the consequences. His council’s opinions, his public perception, his promise to Aang – damn it all.
“Katara,” he begins, “can we talk...about us?”
He can see her visibly stiffen. Her back is to him as she gazes out at the view of the city. Quietly, she replies, “there’s nothing to talk about. I understand completely. Its okay, Zuko”.
He takes a step forward, “no, Katara, its not-”
“Zuko,” she turns around, expression tight, eyes sombre, “please, not tonight, Zuko. Please”.
“Katara I-”
“Just for tonight,” she bites her bottom lip, “lets just not talk about it tonight. I promise, I understand”.
She doesn’t though, because he’d been lying before.
But the pain in her voice, her soft plea just for them to have this night, and forget about the days forgone is a request he know he should oblige. And he does. The pair again move to sit upon the stone bench that overlooks the city.
What should be a comfortable silence between them is wrought with pain. On both sides.
From the corner of his eye, he can see Katara’s hand on the bench. Zuko gathers all willpower within him, and moves his hand, placing it gently over hers.
He can feel her tense beneath his touch, and panic shoots through Zuko immediately. But before he can react, Katara quickly withdraws her hand to her chest; wide eyes focused ahead.
Zuko blurts out an apology. One Katara doesn’t appear to react to. Her expression displays her inner conflict. She swallows, and slowly stands up, “Zuko, I’m sorry-”
He stands up in a rush too, “Katara, I didn’t mean-”
“I know you didn’t mean,” Katara gently interjects, “I know what...you-”
“No, Katara, listen I-”
“Zuko,” she turns to face him, eyes reflecting a sadness that twists the cords of Zuko heart because he did that. This is his fault. “Please, Zuko,” she continues, “I’m sorry I – I’m just sorry”.
And he cannot get another word in for Katara turns to rush away. Zuko tries to call out, but his voice catches in his throat. Somehow, this is worse than when he’d rejected her.
His body is frozen, and his mind begins to echo the sentiment of ‘what a fool you are’ because really, isn’t he?
He had rejected her, and she was clearly trying to salvage a friendship again between them. Then, without even explaining his intentions, he had tried to make a move. Is he truly an idiot? Of course she’d run away confused because what exactly is she supposed to make of this situation?
“Zuko, you stupid, stupid…” he mumbles to himself, pressing the heel of his palm upon his forehead.
.
.
The next morning, Katara is gone. His minister for infrastructure informs him that she had requested to leave today, as her project is complete; the shrines have been restored. Of course, she had planned to stay a little longer so that during the official opening ceremony to these shrines, she could be properly thanked. However his minister informs him that, “she didn’t seem to care for something like that, she just wanted to leave”.
And so she had. An early ship to the South Pole chartered, and now she is gone.
Without another word, Zuko stalks off towards the training grounds. A senior battalion are practising forms within the arena. Zuko approaches, and calls out a challenge to the men.
A challenge with the Fire Lord is a seldom come opportunity, and the men are eager to step forth into the ring with the nation’s leader.
But the spars this morning are not as friendly as the recruits had assumed they would be. Zuko fights with a viciousness in his attacks rarely displayed outside real combat. His flames feel hotter than usual leaving his fingertips. His movements display an almost need, or urgency, to prove something.
A crowd gathers. The recruits yield quicker and quicker as each new opponent approaches with more trepidation. But how can they refuse the fight? This is their leader – a hungry Fire Lord, one that appears determined on a mission even he himself knows not of.
.
.
There is a letter left in her quarters addressed to him.
One of the staff find it as they are cleaning her room. Preparing to turn it from the room designated as Katara’s, and back to simply an unused guest room. The envelope is addressed to Zuko directly. His name written in that neat, but loopy handwriting that he’d instantly recognise as hers.
At his desk, at the end of the day, Zuko is given the letter to read:
Dear Zuko,
I’m sorry. I know I said I’d stay for a few more weeks, to see the full public opening of all the shrines but I knew after yesterday that I had to leave.
Please know you didn’t do anything wrong. Please, please, please. I was being naive. I just got swept up in my emotions. Or something. You know I really don’t know if I’m honest. Just know that I truly value our friendship, and I want to work to make sure you know that but I think I need some time Zuko.
Call it what you want, a coward’s retreat, or whatever. But please know that I completely understand why you rejected me. And its okay. Again, your friendship is important to me so I understand. I do.
I think I’ve just been trying to run from something the world has been telling me for so long. That day I confessed to you, you said it too. I was in shock, I wont lie. But if you were even telling me, maybe I should stop fighting the inevitable.
I should just do what every one expects of me.
I’m heading back to the South Pole. I think I just need a bit more time to come to terms with it. But I will.
But Zuko, please don’t write to me immediately. Please allow me some time. I’m not angry, and you’re not at fault. I just think I need a bit of time, that’s all.
Take care, Zuko. Please don’t work too hard, take a stroll to the shrines if you have time. They truly are peaceful places
Your friend,
Katara.
Zuko reads the letter once. That’s all he can stomach.
Something within him dulls.
.
.
Life continues. His day are filled with meetings, negotiations, and policy discussion. But there is nothing to look forward to anymore. She isn’t here to seek him out after sunset. Two months go by without correspondence from Katara and Zuko knows its best to give her the space she asks for.
He doesn’t want to, but he knows he must.
At the end of the two months, Mai returns.
She greets him with an almost smug smirk, arms folded over her chest. She finds him with his head upon his desk, utterly burnt out from having to review several policies on agriculture. She catches his attention by saying to him, “so was I wrong?”
Zuko’s head shoots up, his eyes widen and he stutters out a, “M-Mai? What are you doing here?”
Mai scoffs, and walks around the desk of the Fire Lord. She presses her index below Zuko’s chin, and tilts his head up, “was I wrong?”
He blinks, “what?”
“I thought, after all this time, you’d have settled for that waterbender. But I misjudged you, Zuko,” she smiles, “you’re still here, waiting for me”.
His voice fails him. He has no idea what to say without wanting to snap at Mai, and yell for her to leave him alone. For her not to bring up the topic of Katara because two months is still not long enough for him to nurse back his heart. Nor is it long enough for him to forgive himself for breaking Katara’s.
“You waited for me,” Mai smiles, in that subtle way she does.
Her words finally sink in, “w-huh?”
She exhales a soft laugh, “you never change, huh, Zuko”.
.
.
Mai tells him that she’d left to search for herself in the Earth Kingdom with Ty Lee. Month and months, nearing a year she’d been gone and Zuko, truly, had been happy in the palace with Katara. But its a strange misunderstanding that he’d apparently had, as Mai informs him that they never technically broke up, so now here they were.
She had heard of Katara’s return to the South Pole from Ty Lee, who’d heard it from the Kyoshi Warrior’s captain, Suki.
She had heard that there was never a romantic relationship that developed between himself and Katara, and so now, she realises that she was in the wrong. He truly is a man of honour.
“I should not have doubted you,” Mai tells him the next morning as she comes to visit him in his chambers, “you told me that you were honourable, and you were”.
The fork in the road is clear to Zuko. His staunch stance on keeping duty above love has lead him here; a woman he does not love declares that they shall meet with the council this morning to announce a formal betrothal as he has now proven himself to her. Meanwhile, the woman he loves has asked him not to contact her. At least for a little while. Because he has broken her heart.
He broke Katara’s heart.
“Mai, this whole time, I was under the impression we were broken up”.
Mai adjusts her hair, glancing without any discernible expression in Zuko’s bedroom mirror. “I never said I was breaking up with you when I left,” she remarks.
“You didn’t have to say it,” Zuko replies.
A small crease forms between her brows, “is there a problem, Zuko?”
Could the spirits not give him a small break? “Mai,” he begins, tone almost weary, “I’m in love with Katara”.
.
.
Half of his council object to Zuko announcing that he will be pursing a foreign-born woman for a partnership. Even more so to their objections, she is someone that bends his opposite element. The dissenters remark that they’ve seen Lady Mai back in the Fire Nation, so why not pursue her? But Zuko silences the notion by simply reiterating his stance.
He will not be pursing Mai. He has someone else in mind.
The other half of his council who don’t object are mainly neutral to the news. But Zuko notes that some, in fact, lean favourably to the announcement. Perhaps even pleased. Its not what he expected.
During this council meeting, Zuko does not actually announce it is Katara that he wants to pursue. He doesn’t need to.
And this declaration by him may go up in flames. There is no assurance to when Katara will want to speak to him again. It may be never.
He hopes it isn’t never.
But it is a gamble. At least from the perspective of the council. For Zuko, it is now clear as day. Either her, or no one. The world can find the next Fire Lord without the blood of Sozin in their veins if it comes to it. It would hardly be the end of the world as the traditionalist so like to claim.
Either way, he imagines that particular group would always be angry with whatever the future would hold.
.
.
Mai slaps him on the cheek after the council meeting. Its in private. No witnesses to see. There must be a sense of wanting to preserve the stead of the Fire Lord within her.
But Zuko couldn’t care less if she’d slapped him in from of a crowd of people.
What did bother him was that she felt she deserved to hit him like that.
So when she raises her hand for a second time, Zuko grabs her wrist, and calmly tells her that he is sorry for the misunderstanding. He tells her he is sorry, but doesn’t rue or disparage his feelings for Katara. He had been faithful with his time with her, but that time ended many months ago now. That time ended when she had decided to leave.
“You strung me along,” Mai seethes out.
“I did no such thing,” Zuko replies, “we didn’t talk, you just left. What was I supposed to think?”
Mai narrows her gaze, and wretches her hand away from Zuko’s grasp, “you didn’t reach out to me either”.
“I didn’t want to,” Zuko replies.
“You didn’t want to,” Mai echos bitterly.
Zuko sighs, “I’m...happy not being in a relationship with you, Mai”.
He is surprised she doesn’t go in for a third slap with that remark. Maybe her restraint upon a comment this harsh is simply a reflection of Mai letting go of any lingering thread between them.
She turns to leave, stopping at the doorway to leave him her parting words, “you’re pathetic, Zuko”.
.
.
And maybe he is pathetic, but not for the way Mai assumes him to be.
He is pathetic for his actions. For his cowardice.
Another two weeks pass, and Zuko gets a surprised visit from Aang. The young airbender comes bounding in with gifts of trinkets and silks that he remarks Zuko is sure not to need. After all, he is the leader of the Fire Nation. He could simply buy something far greater. Of course Zuko downplays this assessment, and thanks Aang for his generosity and asks what exactly has gotten him in such a good mood.
Aang beams, “I think Katara is finally ready to become mine”.
His breath catches in his throat, “uh – really?”
“Yea,” Aang grins, “and its thanks to you, Zuko”.
He blinks, “me?”
“Yea, Sokka told me what you did”.
“What I…”
“Well, he told me that Katara told him that she’s been thinking a lot after her time here. Especially after that temple project thingy she was doing. She’s been thinking, and some of it, Sokka says, is about me”.
Zuko swallows, hoping to hide his growing petulance to what he hears. Aang is too overcome with jubilance to notice the Fire Lord’s sour demeanour. Or, Zuko simply hides it well enough.
“That’s uh, great Aang, but,” Zuko bites his tongue quickly, “why are you thanking me for this? What did I do?”
“You were the one to convince her in the end,” Aang smiles, “Sokka said that something you said to Katara helped her realise, and this is what she said, it helped her realise that she needs to stop running away, and to face destiny”. Slowly, Aang retrieves something from his pocket. He pulls out a carved pendent, a pale yellow ribbon looping through the top.
“She’s my forever girl,” Aang says warmly, “it just took her a while to see it herself too”.
Zuko’s eyes widen as he realise what exactly the pendant is for, “Aang, aren’t you...uh, aren’t you going a little fast here? That pendant, isn’t that for-”
“Its the right time,” Aang’s gaze snaps back up, “Katara and I have known each other for years”.
“I thought you were asking her to be your girlfriend”.
“I think this is better,” Aang replies, “I’m going to ask her to be my wife”.
“I thought the tradition of a pendant was only from the Northern Tribes, not the South-”
“They both do it...I think”.
“Aren’t you rushing into this, Aang, I mean,” Zuko’s fingers curl, and unfurl, “maybe you should speak to Katara seriously about marriage as a prospect first and-”
“No, this is more romantic,” Aang insists, “I know she’ll say yes. It just took her some time to come to terms with this”.
Panic begins to set within Zuko’s bones. He didn’t expect this, and he isn’t sure what to do with this. There are no cards to play or gambits to make – it seems he has lost his chance.
It seems that love story he assumed would be told for generation to come between Katara and Aang is now set to unfold. It just took a little longer than expected. And he was simply a little stumble on her way to beginning her journey with the Avatar.
With a well-hidden grimace, Zuko congratulates the man before him, “well, all the best to you, Aang”.
.
.
Three days after Aang’s departure, Zuko receives a letter. It is found on his desk after a particularly boring luncheon with two governor’s from the south coast. The letter is addressed to him by name, with neat handwriting that has that distinctive loopy quality. Zuko knows exactly who its from, hence rushes forward to tear it open.
His eyes scan the letter with haste.
Dear Zuko,
How have you been?
How are things with you?
I know its been a while since I’ve written. I know it wasn’t on the best terms that we parted either. I hope this letter finds you well, and I hope you aren’t too upset with me with everything that has occurred between us.
If you need more space, just let me know and I’ll stop writing. Or better yet, you don’t have to reply to this letter if you don’t want to. I’ll understand.
But in case you aren’t upset with me, I would love to hear how you’ve been doing. I’ve heard from Suki news about some personal aspects of your life. I have to say, I’m a little embarrassed now more so for my behaviour in the Fire Nation, but I’m truly happy for you Zuko. I wish you all the happiness and love in the future.
I’ve begun to set up a small healing clinic here in the South. Its mainly just for Wolf Cove. Its nothing special but its nice to just shift gears a bit and try my hand at something new.
I’ve been speaking to Toph too, and she mentions how fulfilling teaching is for her. Well, she says it in that Toph-way of hers. Maybe eventually I’ll expand the clinic to also teaching those that would be interested in learning healing from the South. But that’s way in the future. I’m just babbling on now.
Anyway, I imagine Sokka has already told you, but I think he and Suki are planning to move down to the South permanently. Or at least, they’re going to make two permanent homes. One in the South, one in Kyoshi. Or I’m not even sure, those two are so madly in love and its hard to keep track of it all.
Sokka also mentioned that Aang was planning to come visit you to talk about something important. I’m not sure whether my letter will arrive before or after that. I imagine its very, very serious Fire Lord and Avatar business and so whatever it is, please remember to take care of yourself Zuko. You have the tendency to get wrapped up in things and work to the bone and I know because I have the bad habit of doing the same thing.
With that, I hope to either hear from you soon, Zuko. Or, I wish you the best.
Whatever you choose to do with this letter, I will understand.
Your friend
From,
Katara
.
.
“Sire, you want to travel to the South for...what purpose?”
“A vacation,” Zuko shrugs, “or a diplomatic venture to the South Poles to establish more fruitful ties with the nation itself. Take your pick to the reason”.
“Would this have anything to do with your intentions to pursue...uh,” one of his council-members ducks his head, and quickly mutters out an apology for his forwardness.
“No apology needed,” Zuko affirms, “it is nearing the Winter Solstice for the South. A celebration in their lands and I would like to attend”.
The council is silent.
Then, one of the younger members speaks up, “is there really anything any of us could say to stop you?”
Zuko raises a brow, “does the council want to stop me?”
The younger member holds up his hands with a nervous grin, “not me, certainly, my Lord. Its just some of us,” his eyes wander to a group of men that sit on his council; old and greying and holding onto views that are increasingly growing outdated.
One of the men from the group pipe up, “you want to say something, young’in, just say it”.
Zuko cuts in, “I think it may be better to direct that line of questioning to me, Councilman Shin. Is there anything you want to say to me regarding my plans to travel to the South?”
Councilman Shin opens his mouth, but shuts it quickly. His face grows red, and he mumbles out thereafter that he has no objections. No one on his council does.
.
.
Zuko knows he will not beat Aang to the South Pole. His airship may put up a good fight, but it cannot beat the Avatar and his air bison. Still, Zuko makes good time. He is quick enough to arrive to the South Pole the day before the Solstice celebrations are set to take place.
His friends are obviously surprised to see him. A Fire Nation airship docking in the South Pole is not, historically, the most welcome sight. Zuko realises this of course after the fact. But Sokka is quick to the welcome party, pulling Zuko in for a bear-hug, remarking, “you should have told us you were coming, man”.
Zuko replies bashfully, “it was a last minute plan”.
“I’ll say,” Sokka laughs.
Suki and Hakoda come to greet Zuko after Sokka drags Zuko away from the ship, and into the heart of the once small village turned city. The hustle of the city’s inhabitants getting ready for the Solstice celebration is alive and well. So much so that very few notice that the Fire Lord walks amongst them.
Hakoda ushers the group to his home. Zuko is thankful in his own awkward way which rouses a chuckle from the older man, who states, “relax, young man, or perhaps I should say,” Hakoda grins, “It is my honour, Fire Lord, to welcome you to my abode. No need for such deference in your thanks, because I assure you-”
“I-uh-understand,” Zuko cuts in hesitantly, “I’m just...uh-”
Hakoda claps Zuko on the back, still chuckling, “you really do need to relax, Zuko”.
Of course Zuko would, or he would at least try to if it wasn’t the father of the woman who’s heart he has broke that he is speaking to. Not that Zuko imagines Hakoda is aware of this. In fact, Zuko imagines no one but Katara knows of this circumstance. And before he can even second guess what he wants to ask, the words come spilling out, “where’s Katara?”
A flash of amusement passes Hakoda’s expression, but before the older man can answer, Sokka and Suki come back into the living area with their arms full of drinks and snacks. Hakoda reprimands his son, stating they should have got proper food, not just nibbles. Sokka remarks back to his father with a tone of levity, “dad, we’re gonna stuff our faces at dinner tonight. Can’t fill up now”.
Hakoda’s expression flattens to an unreadable mask. Zuko’s picks up on this, but it appears Suki and Sokka do not as they begin placing the food on the low table in the living room. Suki sits first, and excitedly begins the conversation, remarking, “I can’t wait to see what Aang has planned”.
Sokka follows suit, sitting down, close to the Kyoshi warrior, “probably just a speech and maybe like, I dunno, a poem”.
Zuko asks as he too takes a seat on the ground, “a poem?”
“Ah yea, probably something sappy like that and, uh, wait,” Sokka scratches his chin, leaning in with a studious gaze, “you do know what’s happening tonight, don’t you?”
“Uh?” Zuko blinks.
Suki chuckles, “wait, Zuko, you don’t know about Aang planning to propose to Katara tonight?”
The cold wash of reality hits him all at once. Tonight. Aang was planning to propose tonight? But that was too soon – of course he thought all of this was too soon but also, he thought he’d have more time to at least approach Katara first. But as it were, it was evening now, and he had no clue as to where Katara even is.
Hakoda stands up, snapping Zuko from his reverie. The older man announces to the group that he recalls needed to follow up with something down in town hall. Sokka rolls his eyes, and waves his dad off flippantly, “yea, yea, see you at the dinner, dad”.
After Hakoda leaves, Zuko considers the situation a little further and then decides to ask, “uh, am I missing something?”
Sokka shakes his head, “nah, nothing, man. Dad’s just been a little grumpy these past couple of days. Couldn’t tell you why. I think something with Katara cause I always see them chatting late at night after her work at the healing centre”.
“Is that where she is now?”
Sokka nods, “yea, we’ll see her and Aang at the dinner tonight, which,” Sokka shoots a grin towards Suki, before looking back to Zuko to ask, “you didn’t answer before, did you know about Aang planning to propose?”
Zuko digs his fingers into his palm, “yea, I knew”.
“You’ve seen the pendant, yea?”
Zuko nods stiffly.
“Its pretty exciting,” Suki remarks, “Katara will be so surprised”.
Zuko frowns, “seems a bit, um, much, to spring this upon her without warning”.
Sokka snorts, “what’s got up your butt, man? What, you in another rough patch with miss moody?”
“What?” Zuko starts, “what do you…”
“I mean I assumed you were since she isn’t here”.
“You’re talking about Mai?”
“Uh, duh”.
“Okay, well, she and I broke up nearly a year ago, Sokka”.
“Wait,” Suki drawls out, blinking twice in confusion, “I was with Mai and Ty Lee not too long ago. Mai said you two were still together, just taking some time apart”.
“Well that isn’t true,” Zuko replies wearily.
“Hm, that doesn’t make sense, Zuko,” Suki frowns.
“Its just a misunderstanding,” Zuko replies.
“Yea, dude,” Sokka snorts, “like, we’re you dating her or not”.
“We broke up”.
“Right, right, but like – you know what, never mind,” Sokka reaches for a packet of seal-jerky, “anyway, dinner is in a couple of hours. I think Aang is going to swing by here a little later and we can all head over together”.
Zuko nods, and Sokka diverts the topic of discussion towards Suki and her latest endeavours with the Kyoshi warriors. The two even begin to start sharing their plans for the future, and then talks starts to shift back towards Aang and his proposal, and at this point, Zuko announces that he needs to get a little fresh air before the dinner.
“Are you alright, dude?” Sokka asks as Zuko stands from the table.
“Yea, I’m fine,” Zuko replies, “I was just stuck in that airship for days now, I think I need to properly stretch my legs for a bit”.
“Yea, all good,” Sokka says, “oh, wait, hey take my parka though. Going for a walk in just those fancy robes of yours is a stupid idea”.
.
.
Zuko’s stroll is rather aimless in nature. He has a feeling he walks along the same street twice at times. He isn’t sure where his feet are talking him, only that he needs space away from Sokka and Suki to simply mull over his thoughts. He wonders if maybe he should ask around, and find where Katara’s healing clinic is so that he could speak to her before this dinner.
But he also wonders if doing something like that would be too forward. She would be in the middle of work, after all. But then again, is it really better that the first time she see him after a few months, its when he suddenly pops up for dinner one night. A dinner in which Aang himself prepares to propose at.
“Fire Lord Zuko,” comes the familiar voice, and a chuckle.
Zuko turns his head to find Hakoda nearby a boat-shed. The older man in the middle of winding up a spools of rope. He stops, and nods for Zuko to approach. With curiosity to this meeting, Zuko nears and says, “I remember on my last visit that town hall looked a bit different”.
Hakoda snorts, and asks Zuko if he has a free hand to help wring the rest of these ropes. Zuko nods, and the pair of men begin to work in silence. When complete, Hakoda asks Zuko if he is able to follow him somewhere, he has something that may be of interest to the younger man.
Without any reason to decline, Zuko agrees and Hakoda leads Zuko down away from the boat-shed, and back towards his home. Zuko, realising this, starts to remark that he actually took a walk for some space away Sokka and Suki’s discussion for a bit.
Hakoda chuckles, and replies that he knows. Cryptically leaving it at that whilst turning a corner and leading them away from the front of the house, and instead traversing the path round back.
Zuko could never say he was close to Hakoda. Cordial, sure. As one nation leader would need to be with another. Their relationship always professional, even despite the fact that Zuko himself was good friends with the man’s own children. But something felt different in the way Hakoda held himself this time as he led Zuko into a small room attached to the back of his house. Hakoda, normally broad-shouldered and proud in step was a little less confidence in his gait.
Zuko couldn’t say he was close with Hakoda – but even he recognised this change; a proverbial weight upon his shoulders, almost.
The backroom that Zuko has been led to is clearly a storage room. It isn’t overly cluttered. Nor does is show signs of dust from disuse. Hakoda heads straight for a shelf in the back, and pulls out a small box that looks almost in pristine condition. The older man opens the box, and pulls out a beautifully carved whale-bone dagger. Its handle laced with an intricate pattern, adorn with small gems along the hilt.
Hakoda’s eyes flicker to Zuko, who stares with a blank stare at the man before him.
Hakoda chuckles, “relax, Fire Lord, this isn’t an assassination attempt”.
Zuko quickly laughs, though albeit slightly nervously, “that wasn’t what I was thinking”.
Hakoda hums without really believing this fact. “This,” he holds up the dagger, “is what I gave my Kya when I asked her to marry me,” Hakoda stares at the dagger, gingerly holding it in his open palm before curling his hand to grasp the handle, “in the Southern Water Tribe, traditionally, our tokens of marriage are more practical that our Northern counterparts. Of course, traditions change and are lost. But you know, I always pictured the man that would take Katara’s hand in marriage to give her this. I think that’s what Kya would have wanted”.
Zuko swallows, and takes half a step forward, “did you make it?”
Hakoda nods, “I did”.
Hesitantly, almost begrudgingly, Zuko asks, “shouldn’t you be showing this to Aang?”
Hakoda lets out a small exhale, “you would think so, wouldn’t you”. He then puts the dagger back into the box; carefully as if it were made of glass. He returns the case back to the shelf and turns back to Zuko, “you’ll forgive me, Zuko, I’m perhaps getting a little sentimental in my age”.
Zuko smiles sympathetically, “no, its an honour that you showed me this. I understand, with Katara about to-” he bites his tongue. He doesn’t want to say it.
And Zuko knows that Hakoda notices his hesitation, “young man, tell me,” his shoulders straighten slightly, “do you believe that my daughter will be happy with the Avatar”.
He should lie. He should say that of course Katara and Aang would be happy. They are that story the histories are waiting to tell. “I don’t know,” he says, unable to stop himself.
Hakoda studies the Zuko’s expression, “you don’t know?”
“I...don’t”.
“You’re a friend of the Avatar’s, aren’t you?”.
Zuko nods, “I would say so”.
“And you know my daughter?”
“I...would like to think so”.
Hakoda hums in consideration, “but you don’t know if they would be happy together”.
“I know Aang would be,” Zuko replies, hoping he hides his bitterness well, “but Katara…”
“Yes?”
Zuko ducks his head slightly, “Katara...will be making her decision tonight. Then I suppose we’ll know the answer ourselves”.
Hakoda exhales, shoulder’s slumping ever-so-slightly, “I suppose we will”.
.
.
Katara’s eyes landing upon him, when she enters the dining hall that night, sends his stomach into knots of yearning and frustration. But as her expression morphs from shock, to a nervous sort of cordiality, Zuko feels then a guilt start to build in his gut. He hadn’t even informed her of his arrival. He hadn’t informed anyone of his arrival.
But here he is, sitting between Hakoda and Sokka as Katara is greeted by her friends and family after her day working in the healing centre. She takes a seat across him at the table. Suki encourages Katara to begin serving herself as she’d arrived late, and dinner for the rest of them had already begun. Aang sits beside Katara, beaming and catching the eyes of those around when Katara isn’t looking.
There is an almost palpable buzz at the table of those that knew what Aang is planning to do.
But that excitement doesn’t extend to Zuko. Though he could play the affable friend needed for this. After all, this night isn’t for him. It is for Katara, and Aang, who takes the opportunity when dessert is being served to stand up, and clear his throat. He begins reciting a speech. A speech of destiny, of love, of the stars finally aligning.
The table watches Aang. But Zuko watches Katara, and he sees her discomfort. He sees the growing dread in her eyes with every new word that spills from Aang’s lips. At the end, Aang reaches into his parka, and pulls out the pendant he’d carved. He grasps its by its attached pale yellow ribbon.
“Katara,” Aang smiles softly, “will you marry me?”
A silence follows. A silence Zuko expects as he’d been subtly watching Katara grow more distraught with the situation she finds herself in. A situation Zuko isn’t sure he knows how to save her from. How does he rescue her here? She didn’t deserve this. And with the growing seconds of silence stretching out, Katara’s discomfort begins to envelope the other members of the dining party.
Aang’s expression flickers with its first hint of nerves, “um, Katara?”
Katara takes a breath, and shakes her head, finally speaking, “no, Aang”.
Aang lowers his hand that clutches the pendant, “w-what?”
“I’m sorry, Aang,” Katara stands up briskly from her seat, “I don’t even know where this came from – we’re not even together”.
“This is us being together,” Aang holds up the pendant again.
“I’m sorry but...just...no”.
She turns in a flash to leave in that moment. Bewilderment capturing most of the others at that table. When Katara is out the door, in that next second, Zuko is on his feet and rushing after her. He could have thought this through. The optics of him running after Katara after she’d turned down Aang’s proposal may be questionable. In fact, Zuko catches Sokka’s voice call out to him as he leaves.
But he doesn’t care. His feet carry him towards the direction Katara has left.
That’s all that mattered.
And maybe, if he’d paid a little bit more attention before leaving, he would have seen the almost imperceptible smirk pulling at Hakoda’s expression.
.
.
Katara races away from the dining hall, past groups of people excitedly decorating and chatting for the Solstice celebration tomorrow. Katara runs away from the heart of the city, towards an ice river that runs under a bridge.
Zuko follows her without hesitation. His feet crunching against the snow.
She stops atop the bridge. A place that is quiet, and peaceful, and that contrasts to the expression of pain and weariness that adorns Katara’s face. She stops running, and turns on her heel to face Zuko whose approach slows to a jog as he stops before her, panting softly.
Katara’s expression twists, “Zuko, I know you’re concerned but,” she chews lightly on her bottom lip, “look, I just – you’re sort of the last person I want to see right now”.
“More than Aang?” he blurts out, not knowing why he’d recently come to adopt the speak-first, think-later ideology. He winces, and quickly rushes out an apology.
But to his surprise, Katara’s face softens. The corner of her lips tugging up slightly. “Okay, maybe you’re a close second”.
A small sliver of levity is introduced. A reprieve that Zuko is willing to grab, and hold; he takes half a step forward, “Katara, I’m sorry you had to-”
“Zuko, don’t. Its okay,” Katara smiles, a small smile – one that tugs a cord in his chest.
“Katara, what do you mean, I just-”
“You don’t need to comfort me out of some sort of pity or, I don’t know, of all things,” she laughs with a hint of pain in her breath, “not this, Zuko. This is...confusing”.
Gathering courage, Zuko takes then next half step, “believe me, Katara, I’m not pitying you”.
Her smile to him wanes.
“And, I should have told you I was coming before the, uh, before you saw me at dinner tonight”.
She shakes her head, “its okay. I imagine everyone who could make it for Aang’s proposal is here to support him so I guess you-”
“I’m not here to support Aang’s proposal,” Zuko replies.
Katara looks at him with a hint of bemusement, “you’re not?”
“No”.
“Okay, then…”
“If anything,” he exhales, “I wanted to stop it”.
A small crease forms between her brows. A look of contemplation lingering on her expression. “I don’t understand,” she says.
“I…” he begins nervously, but stops when she continues.
“You said,” she pauses, “you said, when I…” she exhales, “you said that Aang and I belong together”.
Without hesitation, he replies, “I was lying”.
Her next words catch on her lips. Unable to reply quick enough to the unexpected.
So Zuko continues, “I was a coward, Katara. I should never have rejected you. I should never had said that you belonged with-”
“It didn’t matter that you rejected me,” Katara snaps, a latent anger starting to simmer forth. Which, to Zuko, is the unexpected for him.
He blinks in surprise, “what – uh…”
“It doesn’t matter that you rejected me,” Katara takes a step forward, “because I could come to terms with you not feeling the same way. Sometimes that’s how things go. And you’re right, you’re the Fire Lord and I’m just…” she frowns, “that isn’t even why I left, Zuko. Not really”.
She takes another step forward, eyes glazed with a crackling spark, “you said that I belonged with Aang. You said it,” another half step, “do you know how many people have been trying to push me towards Aang? Toph can’t seem to understand why I ‘just can’t give it a shot, its obvious Aang likes me’, and Sokka keeps telling me how its not fair to Aang if I don’t try. Don’t at least hear him out. And the newspapers keep printing little quips about my indecisiveness, and the rumours of my coldness to not hear Aang out keep festering and you know what, none of that mattered”.
She takes a final step forward. She is close enough now that Zuko could wrap his arms around her if he wanted. And yes, he wanted – but maybe now isn’t the time. Not when Katara glares up at him like he is the man who has wronged her the most.
Which may have a grain of truth when she finishes by saying, “but when you said it, Zuko. I think that hurt the most. I can’t even explain it. It just…” she takes a deep breath, “if it wasn’t for my dad, I have a feeling I would have gone crazy. Like the world was saying one thing but I couldn’t – I didn’t want to…” her expression of fury crumbles slightly.
Zuko hesitantly brings his arms up to envelope her in a hug – but she steps back. Eyes wary of him.
He would rather she just scream at him. But of course, she doesn’t. “Katara, I shouldn’t have said – I didn’t even believe it myself”.
“It doesn’t matter now,” Katara replies softly, “I rejected Aang. The world will hate me but at the very least, I won’t hate me”.
“I won’t hate you either,” Zuko blurts out, “I could never-”
She closes her eyes briefly; exhaling with the intent to calm. “Zuko,” she says, “are you able to give me some time to be alone. Of all people, I think speaking to you about this is just…”
He swallows, “just?”
Her eyes capture his gaze. Her blues almost luminescent under the moonlight. “Don’t play dumb,” she says, “you know how I feel about you, so speaking to you isn’t-”
“I feel the same,” Zuko blurts out, but immediately realises that perhaps now isn’t the right time.
And that hunch is confirmed when the anger comes crawling back into Katara’s expression. He knows he’ll deserve any variation of whatever she wants to yell at him for his poor timing.
But contrary to his assumptions, Katara merely stares at him with disbelief, before scoffing, “unbelievable”.
He blinks, and she walks past him in a flash. Storming back to towards the city. Zuko calls out to her, and she stops walking briefly, shaking her head without turning around before she resumes her pace. Leaving him standing like the fool Zuko knows he is.
.
.
Katara is not present for breakfast the morning of the Winter Solstice. Neither is Aang. Sokka and Suki eat in a sombre mood, opposing Zuko’s nervous cadence for he knows that the pair want to ask why he’d rushed after Katara, and what it was that they had discussed.
Hakoda had left early, remarking something quickly about wanting to check on Katara at the centre. Which is what Zuko himself wanted to do, but he imagines that after yesterday night, perhaps she didn’t really want to see him so soon.
“You know what I hate,” Sokka says, breaking the unbearably painful silence, “I hate feeling like I’ve missed something entirely. Like I’m out of the loop, and I’m just sitting here like an idiot”.
“Figured you might be used to that,” Zuko grumbles, prodding at his bowl of some sort of goop.
Sokka snaps back, “hey! What the hell man. What’s your problem?”
“Nothing,” Zuko bites out.
“Oh, yea, real believable,” Sokka replies sardonically, “Suki, can you believe this?”
Suki shakes her head, and continues to eat her breakfast. She states she wants no part in this conversation. To which Sokka prods for a response to why. Suki continues to shake her head, and Zuko remarks that maybe they should drop it and just finish their breakfast.
“You’re acting like you knew Katara would have rejected Aang,” Sokka shoots to Zuko, “come on, man. Did you know?”
Suki puts down her spoon, and turns to her boyfriend who startles somewhat at her sudden sombre demeanour. “We all should have known,” Suki remarks, “we were putting bets and encouraging Aang and thought this was all a game. But we never stopped to consider Katara’s feelings. We just thought of course it would happen. Seemed obvious. But that didn’t really hold up now, did it?”
Sokka shrinks into himself slightly, “we weren’t being malicious”.
“No, we weren’t,” Suki replies, “but we weren’t being considerate either. She’d a friend, your sister. How did we not notice before,” Suki frowns, “she never really showed much interest in hindsight. It was just Aang”.
“And he’s the Avatar,” Sokka offers weakly with a sort of jovial undertone, but it doesn’t cover the building guilt in the water tribe warrior’s voice. He lets out a groan, “okay, I think you’re right, Suki”.
“Of course I’m right,” Suki candidly replies.
Sokka throws his girlfriend a soft smirk.
Zuko remarks whilst still poking at his breakfast with his spoon, “we should all apologise to Katara”.
Sokka turns to Zuko, and makes a face of unwillingness. Zuko raises a brow, and Sokka groans, mumbling something about dad probably knowing the whole time and knowing he’s going to get an earful of it now from him.
.
.
Peace between Suki and Katara is made during the celebrations for the Winter Solstice. Zuko stands with Sokka and Hakoda at a distance as Suki takes off from the group. She runs to Katara, and wraps her in a hug. Even from a distance, Zuko can tell the gesture takes Katara by surprise, but the affection is returned almost instantaneously. When the hug is broken, Zuko can see that Suki allows words to spill from her lips.
Words that soften Katara’s expression, and dots a sweet smile upon her lips.
“Well,” Hakoda glances towards Sokka, “I think its your turn to speak to your sister”.
“I get it dad,” Sokka rolls his eyes, stomping through the snow towards the two woman ahead of them.
This leaves Zuko and Hakoda standing beside each other. Zuko knows he too should take the step needed, and approach Katara to offer his apology. Another apology. Hakoda picks up on the discomfort of the man beside him, and questions its nature, to which Zuko replies, “I said the wrong thing to Katara yesterday”.
Hakoda frowns, “I see,” he pauses, “so she’s mad at you?”
“Yea”.
Hakoda chuckles, “you kids, its hard to keep track of it all”.
Zuko shuffles nervously on his feet, “she did ask me for space so...I probably shouldn’t approach her right now”.
Hakoda sighs; the sound of a weary man that has seen it all. “Why don’t you get some squid pastries for the group, and I’ll bring them to you when they’re all done receiving forgiveness from my daughter”.
.
.
And so follows, a meal during the celebrations that Zuko feels utterly nervous in. There is a comfortable atmosphere except between himself and Katara. This is what he at least surmises. He glances at her periodically, stuffing his face with pastries and fried octopus.
Sometimes her gaze catches his, and Zuko will look away abashedly. Sometimes she’ll already be looking at him, expression almost questioning. He would blush and wince at his obvious nature in consequence. Bato and the other tribesmen cajole Hakoda away from the group to come drinking with them earlier in the night. Sokka and Suki as well wander away to dance together as the music of the festival begins to increase in volume and tempo.
When it comes to just Katara and Zuko alone, he clears his throat and says, “I can leave, if you want. If you want to be alone. And you can’t, because I’m here – so I can fix that by leaving. Um. Do you want me to leave?”
What is wrong with him?
Katara stares at him briefly, before erupting into the sweet melody of her giggles. It eases a knot in his chest.
When she stops, she stares at him with a subdued smile, “we’re okay, Zuko,” she says, “just don’t, you know. Don’t try and throw me a...well, just don’t think you have to do anything you don’t want to. Or say things you think I want to hear. I can be your friend, if you’re,” a flicker of anxiety passes, “if you’re still okay with that?”
Zuko breaths out, “of course ”.
“Great,” she smiles, “good. Great”.
A brief silence passes.
And the itch begins to bother Zuko. He should allow some more time. Give time to heal the proverbial wound between them. But what if waiting causes it to fester? What if its worse if he doesn’t just try now?
“Katara,” he begins, somewhat hesitantly, “what did you mean by that before?”
She hums in question, turning away from watching the people dance in city square. “What did I mean by what?”
“You said, well, you asked me not to say things I would think you’d want to hear”.
Her posture stiffens, “what?”
“I...even yesterday, I,” its now or never, Zuko bites his tongue, but continues, “I know bringing it up now isn’t, I mean its a festival and…”
“Then don’t bring it up”.
Zuko glances sideways to her. Katara will not turn to look at him. Zuko sighs, “Katara, we can’t just keep this between us like, like this, and not discuss it”.
His words clearly move something in her stance; her jaw softens, she blinks in consideration. “It bothers you, doesn’t it?”
“What does?”
“My feelings for you”.
It’s like they are circling, “how could it, Katara? I told you yesterday, I feel the same way”.
Katara’s head snaps towards him. She finally looks at him; but with a gaze of disappointment, instead of relief, or happiness – Zuko would even take anger over this. “This isn’t like you, Zuko,” Katara breaths, “and this isn’t like me either. Had I known before, I wouldn’t have said anything but-”
“What isn’t like me?” Zuko cuts in, bewildered, “what are you...Katara – I don’t understand”.
Her jawline tightens again, “you aren’t the kind of guy to say this to another woman when you’re...you,” he exhales, “this is cruel to Mai”.
He blinks, “what?”
“Mai. You and her-”
“There is not Mai and I”.
Katara’s gaze narrows, “Zuko, don’t lie to me. Suki told me-”
“Suki is wrong. Mai is wrong,” Zuko exhales, Katara’s anger now seeping into him as her expression turns more to a perplexed nature. “Mai assumed wrong,” Zuko continues, “and Suki heard one side of the story but Katara, you were there. Nearly a whole year Mai didn’t even contact me once. She and I weren’t working for a while before she left. As far as I was concerned, we were broken up”.
“But it seems like she saw it otherwise-”
“So?” Zuko stresses out, “since when does it work that way? Mai and I were fighting non-stop. Barely did she even want to speak to me, let alone be in the same room. Then she up and leaves for a whole year. No communication. Then, what? She can just demand that we’re still in a relationship?”
“Zuko, I-”
“Of all people, Katara,” Zuko raises a brow, exhaling to calm his nerves, “you should know the frustration of someone thinking they’re in a relationship with you because they said so. That they’re owed your time”.
He can hear the ghost of a chuckle escape her lips. When he turns back to look at her, Katara stares at him warmly, and says, “you weren’t pitying me before, were you?”
“No,” Zuko replies, “never”.
Her gaze turns studious, “Zuko I’m not...I’m not the reason you and Mai broke up, am I?”
He isn’t sure he can entirely lie about this one, “you...I mean. You might have been a...a...part of it”.
She swallows, “how big of a part?”
This is where he cannot dust his hands, and call it a clean break, “well, if I’m honest, after the war, I may even have begun my relationship with Mai whilst harbouring feelings for you”.
The look of disappointment flickers back, “that’s not like you, Zuko”.
“I’m not saying its my finest moment”.
Katara looks to want to remark something to the confession. But her eyes reflect a conflict within her that she cannot seem to abate. Zuko continues by adding that during the time Katara lived in the Fire Nation, he was single, and he did pursue her in a way with honest intentions – but at the same time, he had to hold back, couldn’t commit wholeheartedly because of Aang. Because of what he believed should be the way things end.
“Do you not believe that anymore?” Katara asks tentatively.
“Honestly, I just don’t care,” Zuko replies, “I’m in love with you, and I can’t seem to stop. I don’t want to either”.
He watches as her eyes light up, but it is evident she attempts to school her expression to a mask of neutrality. “You told me, that as Fire Lord-”
“That doesn’t matter”.
“Why?”
“It just doesn’t”.
“Be realistic, Zuko”.
“I am, Katara”.
Her fingers fidget in her lap, “you would be making life harder for yourself”.
“Its harder without you,” Zuko replies, “without you in the palace. Without you by my side”.
“I can’t,” she bites her bottom lip, “in my mind, you’re already – and you said to me, just,” her exhale reflects her exasperation, “you hurt me, Zuko. I wish I could say it isn’t the case but I’m just, I think I’m still a little hurt from…”
“I understand,” Zuko replies, “and I’m sorry”.
“You don’t need to apologise. You’ve apologised enough. Even for things you don’t need to apologise for”.
“I’m still sorry”.
“So am I,” she says.
Which is the last exchange of their conversation before Suki and Sokka come jogging up to them, insisting they join them in the last dance of the Winter Solstice celebrations. Zuko and Katara share a brief look, before allowing the happy couple to drag them into the heart of the festivities.
.
.
Sokka receives a letter from Aang stating that he’s heading back to the Air Temple, and that if possible, he asks if Sokka could encourage Katara to come see him. He wants to speak to her. Just them. Without an audience like the proposal dinner had. Sokka relays the information over breakfast the next morning and Hakoda, still a little hungover, tells Sokka to put the letter away and avoid telling Katara about this right now.
Zuko overhears this in the corridor, Katara right behind him.
Quietly, he turns to check on Katara’s expression. She appears unfazed by the news. But just to be sure, the pair wait for a few moments before entering the breakfast nook.
When they do, there is an amicable conversation that begins relating to the fishing trawls set to sail today.
“Hey Zuko,” Sokka begins just as Hokada finishes explaining marine plants that are usually targeted, “when do you plan to head back?”
Zuko’s eyes briefly darts towards Katara, before replying, “uh, I guess that depends”.
“Depends?” Sokka repeats, “depends on what?”
“Stuff”.
“Stuff? What stuff?”
Katara stifles a smirk. Hakoda pretends to look interested in the morning paper.
.
.
If there is one thing Zuko is used to, its being thrust into situations that he knows clearly that he isn’t ready for. His role as Fire Lord is the obvious, but even the simple aspects of forming bonds with the Avatar’s group of friends, and trying to navigate the complexities of youth, and war, and his own inner turmoil just always reminded Zuko that he rarely feels ready.
Sometimes, upon reflection, Zuko considers that perhaps he is being too harsh on himself. Who after all would be ready for every strange challenge the spirits may conjure up.
Then, there are times when Zuko knows for sure he is ready. A natural evolution of growing in confidence in the many roles he must maintain in his life.
Finally, there are times that Zuko realises he had been ready long ago – he’d just second-guessed himself. Enough so that the circumstances of it now are less at his advantage.
“I don’t think I’m ready,” Katara tells him softly as the biting, cool air whistles past at a gentle breeze.
Zuko had offered to walk Katara to work. She had obliged. Its is a walk initially met with silence. Not an entirely uncomfortable silence. But surrounding each step they took was an unsaid that they needed to broach – sooner rather than later.
So now it appears Katara starts.
“Ready for what?” Zuko asks, pulling closer his parka that Sokka had kindly let him borrow again.
“To...whatever will happen between us”.
His heart thumps with a nervy excitement, “and what is it, that um, you think will happen?”
Katara throws him a brief sideways glance, before smiling mutely and turning to look ahead. “I guess from that answer, nothing much,” she says.
Zuko stutters, “w-wait. No. I didn’t mean-”
“Zuko,” she cuts in, tone firm but unsure, “I’m still, a little, hurt...you know”.
She may as well have plunged a sword through his chest – its not something he wants to hear. But he knows its the truth. “I know”.
“Do you?” she asks, scepticism rife in her tone, “you’re walking me to work”.
“Do you not want me to?”
“Well that’s the thing, I still sort of do,” her footsteps come to a halt. So does Zuko’s.
Katara turns to him, staring up with an expression lingering with hope, but pain.
Zuko swallows, and takes a small step forward. The air fogs as he lets out a breath he’d been holding. He carefully raises a gloved hand, and gently cups her cheek. Katara’s eyes flicker close; she inhales, then exhales.
He wants to lean in. Just a little bit closer.
But stops the thought when Katara’s eyes open again, and she gently removes his hand away from her face.
“It’s...its too soon for me,” she says.
The proverbial sword may as well twist within his flesh now. “Right, of course”.
“And, I imagine you need to head back to the Fire Nation soon. Now that, you know. Now that the Solstice is over”.
“I can stay for a little while”.
“Whats a little while?”
A beat, “I don’t know,” he says, voice with an added rasp. Because in the back of his mind, he knows there is a time limit. He does need to return in due time. But he rather stay as long as he needs – assuming Katara would be amenable to that.
She considers his words, then replies to him, “tonight, Zuko, instead of going out with everyone to have dinner, would you like to just have dinner with me? My gran gran’s house will be free, and I’d like to make you something-”
“Yes,” Zuko blurts out, eyes widening, cheeks reddening.
Katara giggles, “okay,” she says, smiling sweetly.
.
.
She makes his favourite curry for their dinner. Just like the night she’d confessed in the Fire Nation. But it tastes a little different. Slightly thicker, more salty.
Katara explains to him that she wasn’t able to get all the ingredients. Some are just too difficult to find in the South Pole. So she had to substitute, hence the difference in flavour.
“I still like it,” Zuko says, taking another bite. The change in flavour and consistency feels more appropriate for the icy lands of the South Pole. The curry is more filling; it warms his stomach in two way – one, it simply tasted good, and two – Katara made this for him. Just for him.
“You’re just saying that,” she says, quirking a brow.
Zuko shakes his head, and nods at the pot between them, “try it yourself and see”.
Zuko ends up eating three bowls. More than normal but he blames the cold for his overindulgence tonight. Katara chuckles, and asks if he would like her to brew some hot coco for them. She’d bought a packet of the imported treat on a whim, and would prefer to try it with him before Sokka raided their gran gran’s kitchen, and found it himself.
Zuko replies he’ll make it for them instead. Katara smiles, and allows Zuko to make two cups of hot coco for the pair of them.
“Did you have a shorter day at the healing centre,” Zuko asks as he hands Katara her mug, “since you were able to find time to buy these ingredients”.
She nods, “I asked to leave early. It wasn’t a very busy by the afternoon. Most of the busyness was in the morning, but that was mainly a lot of people coming in nursing a hangover after the festival. Which, you know, not much we can do about that,” she laughs.
He knows he needs to ask.
He hates to – because there is a chance that it would ruin the comfortable mood that has built between them tonight.
But he just needs to know. “Katara,” he begins, “did you make dinner for us tonight. Just us. Because you...um…”
Katara puts down her mug. She tilts her head and gazes at him as if she’d been expecting this question. It was simply a matter of when, not if. “I just wanted to have dinner,” she says, so nonchalantly that Zuko half wants to call her out for lying.
But, of course , her tone is sincere.
“Does this mean…”
“Um, no,” she says, gripping her mug tighter, “or yes, I um...don’t know”.
He reacts unexpectedly by even his own admission; Zuko lets out a laugh. A genuine laugh that even brings a smile to Katara’s face.
“Zuko,” Katara continues, a newfound confidence in her tone, “Zuko, you are – the man that I love”.
His laughter quiets, but his smile remains. His heart is full.
“I’m in love with you,” Katara says, cheeks reddening, “but yet, I still...I just need time and I think-”
“I can wait,” Zuko gently affirms, leaning in to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, “I’ll wait”.
.
.
Zuko makes it is mission to do whatever it takes to earn Katara’s forgiveness. He’d done it before. So he could do it again.
“You don’t need my forgiveness,” she laughs the next morning when he tells her of his intentions. “You haven’t done anything wrong”.
He disagrees.
“Its just my stupid insecurity,” Katara continues to placate, “when you said Aang and I...you know”.
A significant mistake on his part.
“But please, Zuko,” she grins, eyes sparkling, “there is no forgiveness you need to earn. I just need time”.
Zuko shrugs at her words, but doesn’t agree to her terms to stop pursuing at least some form of penance.
And so, for the next three weeks, Zuko finds himself in Katara’s life practically every day. As if they are back to the days when she was in the Fire Nation for her project restoring the shrines. Though this time, his main priority is to support Katara after her day at work – for Zuko himself doesn’t have any. He is technically, after all, still on vacation.
Sokka calls him out after the second week, asking why Zuko has become some weird sort of house-husband to Katara.
Internally, Zuko beams, but replies to Sokka that he has no idea what he is talking about.
At the end of the three weeks. Zuko gets a letter from his council asking him for his expected total duration of his vacation, and whether it will be much longer than it is now. Katara reads over his shoulder, and hums softly when she leans away.
“I think you’re being summoned, Fire Lord”.
Zuko scowls, “its not even the budgetary period. This time of year shouldn’t be such a hassle for them”.
Katara chuckles, and passing him a bowl of fish and vegetable stew. “Zuko, its okay”.
He sighs before he takes the first sip of his broth. They don’t need to say much more on the subject. Katara knows, and so does he – it appears it is now time for him to return to the Fire Nation.
.
.
The morning before his departure. Zuko seeks out Hakoda. He finds the older man down near town hall in the middle of a discussion with another tribesmen. Hakoda notices Zuko in his peripheral, nods to his tribesmen before approaching the young Fire Lord.
“I’m surprised you’re here to see me before you leave,” Hakoda chuckles, patting Zuko firmly on the back.
Zuko ensures a steady stance, he doesn’t exactly want to stumble from that simple gesture. Not in front of Hakoda of all people. “I’m actually here to ask for a favour,” Zuko says.
Hakoda’s gaze loses a slight edge of familiarity, “now I may not know the intricacies of all that goes on between you and my daughter and yes,” Hakoda raises his voice, and his hand, to indicate to Zuko not to interrupt, “I do know. But what I know is that you two aren’t even, well ”.
“Yea,” says Zuko, “I’m not asking for it now. I don’t think I’ll even be able to ask for a while, honestly”.
Hakoda nods, “well, I’m happy to hear you aren’t rushing into anything”.
“I do want to ask. You know, one day, when Katara and I are…”
Hakoda places a hand on Zuko’s shoulder, “when you ask, when that time comes. Just know, I’ll be happy to give you the-”
“No, its not that,” Zuko interjects, hesitating slightly before continuing, “I was hoping for a different favour”.
“Oh?”
“Yea, um, well, when the day comes. I was hoping you’d be able to teach me how to, uh, make my own for her”.
“Make your own?”
“Yes”.
Hakoda raises a brow. A small smile tugs, eyes crinkle with ease, “not a problem, Fire Lord. I’d be more than happy to help”.
.
.
Zuko is given a send off with well-wishes from the group, and jokes from Sokka about how its time Zuko get back to his second job, with his first job still being Katara’s temporary house-husband.
Katara elbows her brother, and approaches Zuko to ask if she could get a private goodbye upon deck before he leaves. Zuko immediately obliges.
Sokka frowns at the exchange, but is shut up by both Suki and Hakoda pinching his cheeks before her can get a word out to question it.
Upon deck, away from prying eyes, Katara looks at him with a shimmering blue gaze and says, “I’m planning to come up, to the Fire Nation for a bit, if...you know-”
“Yes,” Zuko blurts out, not even bothered by his heightened enthusiasm.
Because that enthusiasm elicits a bashful smile from the waterbender before him. “I was also hoping, before you go, um…”
She blushes, far more than Zuko expected so of course, his mind begins to hope. He leans in, “yes?”
Katara bites her bottom lip, “do you mind if I…”
“Yes?”
“Before you go, um…”
“Katara”.
Her shy demeanour starts to show signs of a mischievous streak, “Zuko,” she says, “could I kiss you before you leave?”
His eyes bulge, “Agni , Katara, obviously you – argh ,” he shuts himself up, no longer wanting to wait, and closes the gap between them.
Her lips are soft, and oh-so-inviting against his. He gently holds the sides of her face, and Katara clutches at the front of his robes. Its a kiss of longing, maybe even desperation. Something he’d been waiting for, starving for.
When the kiss breaks, Zuko stares at her with adoration, but quips sardonically, “your timing couldn’t be worse, Katara. I’m leaving soon”.
She giggles, “something for you to look forward to then. For when I come up to the Fire Nation,” her smirk teases his heartstrings unfairly, “our second kiss”.
Zuko’s narrows his gaze, a smirk plays at his lips – he leans in and steals another kiss before Katara is able to react.
“Hey!” she admonishes playfully when he pulls away; a tone more giddy than mad.
Zuko smugly replies, “you mean our third”.