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Melancholy

Summary:

Toranosuke is convinced that his feelings for Sojiro are unrequited.

He couldn’t be more wrong.

Notes:

November – Melancholy

Work Text:

When Toranosuke realises he is developing feelings for Sakura Sojiro, he isn’t sure which emotion hits him with more intensity: anxiety or sadness. The former because, goodness, he has never felt this way about another man before and the thought totally overwhelms him. And the latter because… even if he did somehow get the nerves to confess to Sakura-san, Toranosuke knows the chance of his feelings being reciprocated is next to none. Overall, what should be a positive moment is instead overshadowed with negativity instead, almost enough to put Toranosuke off from ever visiting Leblanc again.

But, of course, it doesn’t. Even ignoring his feelings for Sakura-san, he wouldn’t want to miss the amazing coffee and curry served there. All made by Sojiro himself. A talented man as well as handsome, he thinks, making himself blush like a teenager. He also enjoys the atmosphere in Leblanc, the perfect place to rest after a long day trying to improve things for the country at the National Diet. Sojiro’s daughter regularly provides entertainment by way of bugging her father and being incredibly blunt with the customers, but Toranosuke doesn’t mind; he can tell that her social skills aren’t the strongest, so she doesn’t do it on purpose, and it’s always wonderful to see the fond smile her behaviour places on Sojiro’s face.

Anyway, he won’t run like a coward and avoid a place he loves just because he’s developed a crush on another man for the first time in his life. He will return to Leblanc. But that doesn’t stop him worrying.

Especially because he knows that confessing to Sojiro would not just be incredibly embarrassing, but also pointless. After all, Sojiro won’t like him back. One time, another customer got Sojiro talking about his love life (his daughter laughed, the sound suggesting that Sojiro’s current love life isn’t really a thing), and Sojiro eventually talked about his past relationships with women. And not once did he mention men. Although, even if he was attracted to men, would he really announce that? Plenty of people are still homophobic, making it often dangerous to just come out and say stuff like that in public. Or perhaps Sojiro is just as repressed as Toranosuke. No, he’s getting ahead of himself. There is no evidence that Sojiro likes men. (And even if he did like men… who says Sojiro would be interested in a man like him?) This whole topic is stupid.

Toranosuke sighs, part of him wishing that these… feelings never developed. And even though he still wants to go to Leblanc, he wonders if he’ll find it harder to talk to Sojiro now.

 Well, he supposes there is only one way to find out.

---

In the end, very little changes. Sure, Toranosuke’s insides squirm when Sojiro smiles as he slides a cup of coffee in front of him, happily rambling to Tora about this specific blend and where the beans are from (from the kitchen, where she washes the dishes, Futaba-chan snorts and calls her father a ‘coffee nerd’), but Toranosuke manages to hide his anxiety and attraction pretty damn well. Keeping a straight face comes with the trade of being a politician, he supposes.

But despite things carrying on as normal, Toranosuke can’t help it when a wave of sadness washes over him again. It has been so long since he last felt this way about someone, and even longer since those feelings were unrequited, and he forgot how intense those feelings can be. And it makes him feel more than a little pathetic.

---

The first time he enters Leblanc and Sojiro actually smiles and remembers his name makes Toranosuke’s insides twist, and he has never felt more in love with this man. But, of course, it doesn’t mean Sojiro likes him too, Toranosuke’s mind is quick to remind him. Of course, Sojiro will remember the names of his regulars, and Toranosuke has noticed him smiling the same way when other regulars enter the café (he might pay a lot of attention to the times the usually sullen Sojiro smiles, because that expression makes Toranosuke a little weak at the knees). But even if it’s not proof of his feelings being reciprocated, it still warms his heart to know Sojiro recognises Toranosuke as a regular.

Perhaps, one day they might even become friends. Or is it naïve to think such a relationship could spring from just buying lots of coffee?

---

Sometimes, Toranosuke worries that not only might Sojiro simply not be attracted to him if Toranosuke were to ask him out on a date, but… he might not even be accepting of men being in relationships with other men. And that potential danger is another thought that nags at the back of his mind, preventing Toranosuke from confessing.

But by total chance, one day he learns that he has nothing to worry about on that front. When Toranosuke drinks coffee and glances at the news on the television (grateful that all those terrible incidents stopped happening—thanks to Kurusu-kun and his friends, Toranosuke believes), another customer enters the café. The customer, a young man wearing a business suit, happily begins to chat with Sojiro—he must be another regular.

And casually, the man mentions that he and his boyfriend are due to take a vacation together. Toranosuke’s gaze snaps to focus on Sojiro, waiting for a reaction of some kind. And Sojiro does react… with a smile.

“Sounds like a nice trip,” he says. “You two enjoy yourselves.”

The man beams. “Thank you, Boss.”

Toranosuke smiles too, grateful to learn that Sojiro is accepting of men like him. It certainly lessens the sense of melancholy he feels when thinking about his feelings for Sojiro.

---

One evening, Toranosuke finds himself totally alone in Leblanc with Sojiro. Somehow, there are no other customers, and even Futaba is nowhere to be seen (although she was here when Toranosuke arrived; she left soon after when Sojiro reminded her that she was late for her date with ‘Sumire-chan’, prompting Futaba to blush, panic and run off). It’s just them. And whilst many people would appreciate the peace and quiet of having a coffee shop to themselves, for Toranosuke… things feel a little different. The awkwardness of his feelings for Sojiro grows bigger and bigger, leaving Toranosuke wondering if things would be better if he just left. And yet… he stays. Perhaps he’s hopeful that Sojiro might strike up conversation with him, or maybe he’s just worried that leaving might look rude. Either way, Toranosuke stays sitting on a stool at the counter, staring down into his cup of coffee.

After enjoying the ambiance for about an hour, Toranosuke pays his bill and moves to leave. As he stands up, Sojiro startles him by breaking the silence.

“Yoshida-san?”

Toranosuke raises his head, staring up at Sojiro. At once, he notices the uncharacteristically… awkward expression that crosses Sojiro’s face.

“Yes, Sakura-san?” Toranosuke says.

“I was wondering…” Sojiro clears his throat, glancing away. “If you’re busy tomorrow night. I’ve got these tickets for the latest Like a Dragon movie and…” He trails off again, looking like he wants to kick himself. “W-Well…”

And if Toranosuke wasn’t too busy trying to process what Sojiro tells him, he would appreciate how cute Sojiro looks with that flustered expression on his face. Sojiro normally looks so cool and collected, but this… this must not be something he’s used to doing.

Toranosuke stays quiet, both to give Sojiro time to get his words out, and also because he fears he might misunderstand what is happening and doesn’t wish to look like a fool. But his chest flutters, almost certain he knows where this is going.

Sojiro lets out a sigh, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “Shit, I’m bad at this… Okay, so… Would you like to s-see a movie with me? Maybe go out for drinks afterwards. There’s an amazing little izakaya just ‘round the corner. Or if you don’t drink… apparently, they make these things called ‘mocktails’. Alcohol free and all that.” As he speaks, Sojiro’s cheeks grow redder and redder, sweat beading on his forehead. He has clearly put a lot of thought into this.

But Toranosuke has heard Sojiro regaling other customers about his past relationships, and he somewhat assumed that someone with so much romantic experience would be suave. Although… if this is his first time trying to ask a man on a date… that might just explain Sojiro’s paralysing awkwardness.

And if he weren’t a politician with two decades of public speaking behind him, Toranosuke knows he would look even worse. Of course, he’s a mess inside, but nobody else knows that. So, using those many years of practise to his advantage, Toranosuke hides the wave of emotions longing to crash out of him, managing to stay superficially calm.

And, just in case this is all a massive misunderstanding, Toranosuke smiles and says, “Why, Sakura-san, it almost sounds like you’re asking me on some sort of date.”

If possible, Sojiro goes even redder. Spluttering slightly, Sojiro lets out an adorably awkward chuckle, breaks eye contact, and mumbles, “A-And if I was?”

If there wasn’t a counter between them, and if he didn’t think it would feel far too forward, Toranosuke would lean closer and give Sojiro’s hand a gentle pat. Instead, he smiles brighter, trying to ignore the joy and anxiety battling for attention within him. “Then… I would have to say… yes. I would love that.”

Instantly, some of the tension in Sojiro’s posture vanishes. He still looks like he could melt into a puddle, but… his awkwardness diminishes significantly. One of his beautiful smiles retakes its place on his face, and Sojiro leans against the counter, letting out a long breath.

“That’s… that’s great,” he says. For a moment, he hesitates before pulling his phone from his pocket. “Do you want to exchange numbers?”

Toranosuke nods, fumbling for his own phone and exchanging numbers with the man who just asked him on a date. Having Sojiro’s number in his cell phone somehow makes this whole situation feel more serious to him.

“Can I ask you something?” Toranosuke asks.

“Sure thing,” Sojiro says, more interested in putting his phone back rather than looking in Toranosuke’s direction.

Hoping desperately that his words won’t make things even more awkward, Toranosuke hesitates for just a moment before blurting out something that occurred to him. “Why me?”

“Huh?”

Immediately regretting his words, Toranosuke says, “W-Well, I mean… a handsome man like you must have no shortage of people wanting to be with him. And yet… you chose a plain middle-aged politician with a dodgy history. Remember No-Good Tora?”

“That was years ago, Yoshida-san,” Sojiro says. “I don’t care about your past. You care about helping this country, which is more than I can say for certain people,” he continues, and it doesn’t take three guesses to know he refers to Shido and the massive scandal. “Besides… Akira told me you helped him out back then. You’re clearly a good guy.” Sojiro adjusts his glasses. “And as for the other stuff, I’m also middle-aged, you idiot,” he says fondly. Breaking eye contact, he mumbles, “And… you’re not plain. Don’t sell yourself short like that. Does that answer your question?”

As he takes in Sojiro’s words, stunned by how kindly Sojiro just spoke to him, and wishing he hadn’t let his insecurities take over like that, Toranosuke smiles. “Thank you, Sakura-san. And… I apologise.”

“No need. I get feeling like that. Just remember… your brain’s an asshole,” Sojiro says, smirking.

And Toranosuke startles them both when he bursts out laughing.

“I… should probably get going,” Toranosuke says once he gets control of his giggles, suddenly aware that, at some point, his cheeks went red and now radiate heat. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sakura-san.”

“Just Sojiro’s fine. And… yeah, you too.”

“Goodbye, Sojiro,” he says, testing out that name on his tongue. And as Sojiro’s words make him feel all warm inside, Toranosuke turns and heads for the door.

When he gets outside, the cool air hits Toranosuke’s surprisingly hot face like a slap. He still can’t quite believe what happened in Leblanc. Sojiro, the man he thought would never like him back, just shocked him by asking Toranosuke on a date. And he said yes!

Beaming giddily, Toranosuke wanders off toward the train station, looking forward to tomorrow more than anything.