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Akaashi sat in his dark room, crossed legged, his heart sending heat flushes to his face. The only light in the room streamed from the window, a starry night illuminating the bright night sky. He wanted to run to the window and jump out of it, but the there was one thing that was in his way.
Bokuto.
Akaashi suddenly felt that his room was too small, but too big at the same time. The walls were pressing in on them, but the two feet barely separating the two boys made him feel completely isolated and alone with Bokuto, like an island amidst a vast and stormy ocean.
Bokuto stared at Akaashi expectantly, his bright, orb-like eyes trained on Akaashi’s face. They weren’t even wavering; they just stayed steady on Akaashi’s eyes. Akaashi had to will himself not to look away.
Akaashi knew that he was at a disadvantage here. Since he faced the window, Bokuto could probably see how red his face was, his nervousness and anxiety seeping out of every pore. He, on the other hand, could not see an inch of Bokuto’s face aside from shadows casted by his nose and forehead.
And those bright, observant eyes on him.
“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi started, surprised that he didn’t stutter despite the tightness in his throat.
Without a word, Bokuto, who had previously had been leaning back on his hands, pushed himself forward so his elbows were on his knees. Even such a small movement took Akaashi’s breath away, and he had to wonder how, exactly, he came to become in this situation.
Akaashi had always hung out with Bokuto simply because they were on the same volleyball team, and he enjoyed Bokuto’s crazy and chaotic presence. The more time he spent with his captain, though, the more he discovered a tender and soft spot he had for Bokuto, no matter how Bokuto gets. Because of these blossoming emotions, it caused these past few weeks to be an absolute whirlwind.
Normally, Akaashi was so calculated and logical. But, when he found out that Bokuto – who usually ate with Akaashi during their lunch breaks despite being in different years – had gone to eat with a girl in another class instead, something started to stir in Akaashi. He knew that Bokuto was popular among the girls – even if Bokuto didn’t know it himself – but it never bothered him, because Bokuto always turned them down. He never failed to turn them down.
Except for this one.
Of course, Akaashi didn’t really know if Bokuto turned her down or not. For what it was worth, she could have stuck around Bokuto even though he turned her down. Being as emotionally calculated as Akaashi usually was, that was his first thought.
Until she started showing up to Fukurodani’s volleyball practice.
Akaashi hated how jealous he was. This was when he realized that the rare times that he allowed his feelings to take over were when his actions became the most irrational. Yesterday, the girl showed up again, and he endured her presence there. When Bokuto went to talk to her after practice, Akaashi firmly gripped Bokuto by the arm and dragged him to the equipment room where he just blurted out the words that he never thought he would ever say. Three little words.
He thought he would have to go into hiding. He felt humiliated and exposed in front of the bigger boy, unsure of how Bokuto would take it. But, right as soon as Akaashi finished his quiet, half-angry half-hopeful “I love you,” Bokuto broke out into the widest smile he had ever seen.
The next day, the girl didn’t show up to practice anymore, and Bokuto followed Akaashi back home after running drills.
And now, they were facing each other off in the silence, and Akaashi wondered who would be the first to initiate –
“What, Akaashi?” Bokuto said in a low voice, answering to Akaashi’s call to him. His face so close to Akaashi that he could feel Bokuto’s breath tickle his hair at his temples.
Akaashi’s mind reeled for something, anything to say. “What – what happened to the girl today?” he blurted out.
Bokuto let out a sudden laugh. “Wow – we’re not going to talk about how you confessed to me, or how we’re sitting in this dark room? Oh, but for sure we’re going to talk about that girl?”
Akaashi blushed even further. Bokuto’s gaze softened.
“Hey, I’m sorry,” Bokuto said in a voice just above a whisper. “If you want to know, I already told her that I was already in love with someone else.”
“You – what?” Bokuto? Was already in love with…?
Bokuto leaned back on his hands and shrugged, closing his eyes. “When I told her who it was, she came to practice to see what you were like. Then, when you confessed to me, I told her she doesn’t have to watch you anymore, because everything was going to work out.” Bokuto half-chuckled. “She started to complain, but then I told her that someone who had just come into my life couldn’t come close to compete with my setter who I’ve grown to love over the course of two years.” He leaned forward again, giving himself enough momentum to inch even closer to Akaashi.
Akaashi couldn’t believe it. Bokuto had been in love with him for…years now. Years. Akaashi never knew that he could even come close to Bokuto like this, let alone Bokuto be in love with him. “B – Bokuto-san, that’s not very nice of you,” Akaashi stuttered, looking away from Bokuto. He had no idea what else to say.
Bokuto looked at Akaashi dubiously. “Wait – out of all that, that was the only thing you caught? And nice? I wasn’t the one sending her death glared from across the court, you know,” Bokuto finished with a smug look.
Akaashi wanted to hit himself upside the head. He knew he was doing something with his face.
Damn those emotions of his.
The two boys sat like that for what seemed like an eternity; Bokuto, leaning in towards Akaashi while Akaashi’s eyes flickered back and forth from Bokuto to the ground. Akaashi didn’t realize it before, but his back was against his bed. There was no escape.
Seconds ticked by. Just before Akaashi thought he was going to explode, Bokuto got up on his knees and closed the distance between him and Akaashi. “Hey, I’m sorry,” he breathed, his gaze flickering to Akaashi’s lips. “But I’ve wanted to do this for so long –”
Before Bokuto could even finish his sentence, Akaashi leaned forward and caught Bokuto’s mouth with his. He felt Bokuto breath in with surprise, but before long, Bokuto’s lips crushed into Akaashi’s, squeezing Akaashi’s body between his own and the bed. There was a sort of sweet hunger in this kiss, which pleased Akaashi. Akaashi, not knowing what to do with his hands, slowly tangled them into Bokuto’s hair, which Bokuto responded to. Akaashi, feeling a little daring, ran his tongue across Bokuto’s lower lips. He could hear a growl from Bokuto’s throat before Bokuto broke away.
Akaashi and Bokuto stared at each other in a new light, both breathing heavy, breathing each other in. Bokuto was hovering over Akaashi, his lips red from all of that.
“Where – where did you learn to do that?” Bokuto asked incredulously. “That tongue thing?”
Akaashi felt something drop in his stomach. Did Bokuto not like it? Did he cross a line with him? It was their first kiss, after all – he tried to think of different scenarios to get himself out of this mess, but his mind was drawing a blank.
“I just…I thought it was appropriate,” Akaashi finally said, his voice slightly wavering. “I’m – I’m sorry.”
Bokuto’s face broke out into a large grin. “Oh God, don’t be sorry. Please never be sorry for that ever again.” He collapsed on top of Akaashi, knocking the wind out of Akaashi. He wrapped his arms around his captain, a warmth relief spreading through him. “You’re a surprisingly good kisser, especially since it’s your first time,” Bokuto stated.
Akaashi allowed himself a small smile. “How do you know it’s my first time? For all you know, I could have practiced, Bokuto-san.”
Bokuto lifted his head and looked at Akaashi with a panicked expression. “No way – you’ve never even had a girlfriend!”
“You’re a sloppy kisser, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi teased, avoiding Bokuto’s main concern. “Trust me, I would know.”
Bokuto’s mouth began to form a pout. “I hope you’re kidding, Akaashi.” When Akaashi didn’t respond, Bokuto grew despondent and buried his head in Akaashi’s neck, which tickled Akaashi. “Awh, man!” Bokuto wailed in a muffled voice.
Akaashi wrapped his arms more tightly around his captain. “Of course I am, Bokuto-san.”
Bokutos’ head whipped up. “Really?”
“Yes.”
Bokuto leaned forward and pecked Akaashi’s lips, which left a comforting blossom of warmth.
“I’m glad I’m your first kiss, Akaashi.”
Akaashi ran a hand through Bokuto’s hair, not saying anything. As the two boys enjoyed each other's presence through the late hours of the night, only one lasting thought resonated through Akaashi’s head.
And yours will be my last.