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Hear My Voice In The Dark

Summary:

A small frown settled on Eddie's face. Buck breathed in sharply. A devastating realization pounded in his chest. I wish I had as much fun with Tommy as I do with you.

"I should break up with him," Buck said, his voice low.

"Yeah," Eddie breathed, taking a step forward. His hand found Buck's chin, tilting it up. "I think you should."

or, Buck and Eddie share a secret moment in the bathroom together.

Notes:

Hi!
Long time fanfic writer, first time poster.
New to AO3 but excited to give this a try! And yes, title is from I Wish You Would by Taylor Swift. :)
Hope you enjoy!

Work Text:

"More shots! More shots!" Buck called, leaning against the bar top. The club's music blared in his ears, the beat thumping through his chest.

"I'll buy," Eddie said, throwing a twenty down on the bar.

"No way, you bought the last round!" Buck exclaimed, pushing the bill back toward him.

Eddie tilted his head and fumbled for the crumbled bill on the bar top. "I did? I honestly don't remember that."

Tommy suddenly appeared behind them, the warmth of his chest pressing into Buck's shoulder. Buck swallowed hard, attempting to clear his sight of vision and the knot in his stomach. Through the several drinks he's already consumed, he almost forgot who he came here with.

"Waters, please," Tommy asked the bartender as she approached them.

"No," Buck whined. "Two more shots! Tequila!"

"No, Evan," Tommy said, gently grabbing Buck's arm and meeting his gaze. "Waters. You've had enough to drink."

"I haven't!" Eddie shouted, a buzzed smile spreading on his lips. Buck laughed, appreciating Eddie's lightheartedness right about now.

"You have," Tommy countered, his mouth in a tight line.

Buck knew this look. This was Tommy's 'I'm serious, Evan. Stop joking around' face. Buck didn't particularly like it.

"But," Eddie began, pouting slightly. "It's Ravi's birthday. We are celebrating in his honor."

They glanced over the bar at Ravi, doing a line of amber colored shots one by one. He finished the last one, slamming the shot glass on the bar top and cheering. Other firefighters from B-shift cheered along with him, clapping him on the back and laughing.


"It's getting late," Tommy said, pulling on Buck's arm again. He turned him away from Eddie and lowered his voice. "It's already midnight. I want to get going."

"Can't we have one more shot? One more? Please? Then we can leave." Buck gave his best puppy eyes to Tommy. He fluttered his eyelashes lightly and tilted his head to the side. They've been dating for a few months already and Buck had some tricks up his sleeve. None of them ever seemed to work, though.

Tommy searched Buck's face, his eyes narrow and cold. Buck felt himself swaying in place, the alcohol affecting him more than he was willing to admit. Especially to Tommy right now. He placed a hand on the bar to steady himself before leaning in close to Tommy's ear.

"One more shot and I'll make it worth your time when we get home," Buck whispered, his words slurred.

Tommy cleared his throat and pulled back, staring suspiciously at him. He wasn't buying it.

"No," Tommy said, a sly smile on his lips. "You'll be asleep in the car before we even make it to bed. Water. And then we are leaving."

Buck sighed in defeat as he watched Tommy walked back to his table with Chim and Maddie.

"Awe, that sucks," Eddie said, breaking Buck from his thoughts.

"Guess it's just waters now," Buck groaned, leaning heavily against the bar.

"Guess so," Eddie said, smiling.

Buck turned to face his friend, who quickly revealed two shot glasses from behind his back.

"Only waters, right?"

"Damn right," Buck laughed, taking the shot of tequila from Eddie's hand.

They licked the salt from the rim and threw back the shot. Buck felt the effects immediately, the liquor tickling his throat and chest. Heat rose to his neck and cheeks as he slammed the shot glass back on the bar top. Eddie is a sneaky little thing. Buck studied his friend’s face as he twisted and cringed at the burn of tequila. The music buzzed in his ears and a warm sensation settled deep in his stomach. He couldn’t keep his eyes off him.   

"Man," Eddie sighed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I haven't had this much fun in a while."

Buck smiled brightly, unable to hold back how giddy he's feeling. This is the first time they've gone out together since Chim's (failed) bachelor party. They always seem to be having the most fun out of everyone in the room.

Buck playfully elbowed Eddie's side. "It's always fun when you're around. We need to do this more often."

Eddie scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, but your boyfriend doesn't let you. Remember?"

"Oh," Buck breathed. "Yeah."

Tommy isn't one for hanging out at the bars. Too much noise and too many people for him to endure now. Buck doesn't mind, except it means he also can't go out to the bars anymore. Eddie had invited him to a few other get togethers and cocktails downtown, but Buck ends up having to say no. Whenever Buck tried making plans, Tommy would have something sudden come up that they couldn't miss. Buck felt guilty for all the times he's turned down Eddie last minute. He didn't really have any good excuse. Only that Tommy said no.

Thankfully tonight, Tommy couldn't say no to him. Everyone from the 118 is here and celebrating Ravi's birthday. Would've been weird to not come.

Buck glanced at Tommy sitting at the table across the bar. They met eyes briefly before looking away. Buck only felt guilt with him.

"I gotta piss. C'mon." Eddie grabbed onto Buck's forearm, pulling him away from the bar and into the crowd of people.

The music grew louder as they weaved their way through the crowd. Buck felt lightheaded as Eddie led him to the bathroom, his fingers gently gripping his wrist. They reached a unisex bathroom and Eddie pushed his way inside. It was pitch black when the door slammed shut behind them.

"What the shit!" Eddie exclaimed, fumbling around in the dark for the light switch.

Buck started giggling uncontrollably as Eddie bumped into the sink and the wall.

"Oof! Am I blind?! What the-"

Suddenly, the automatic lights flashed on, blinding the both of them in a fluorescent glow.

"Ah!" They both yelled, shielding their eyes. Buck burst into another fit of giggles and laughter, squinting through his fingers at Eddie's ridiculous face.

"What's so funny, Buckaroo?" Eddie laughed, reaching over and tickling him under the ribs. Buck screeched, placing his hands on Eddie's chest and attempting to push him away. Eddie continued to move his fingers along Buck's ribs and laughed so hard they almost collapsed into each other. Finally moving apart and gasping for air between laughter, they smiled at each other for a moment. Reminiscing in the silence of their stupid drunken silliness.

"Alright, now I really gotta pee," Eddie laughed, turning around and walking to the toilet.

Buck giggled to himself as he turned to face the wall, giving Eddie some privacy. His face and chest hurt from smiling and laughing so much. He was sure he'd still feel sore tomorrow morning. Buck found himself daydreaming about all the fun times he's had with Eddie throughout the years. Late night beers and war stories. The mornings spent sipping coffee and talking in his kitchen. Playing video games for hours with Eddie and his son. Doing yard work together on a Sunday afternoon. So simple, yet so... happy. Just being together and doing everyday things. Buck wondered when he'd feel these things with Tommy.

The faucet turned on behind him, drawing Buck from his thoughts. Eddie swayed slightly as he washed his hands, spending too much time lathering the soap in his palms.

"I think I might break up with Tommy."

Eddie froze, the water running over his suddenly still hands. Buck blinked, his brain finally catching up with what just came out of his mouth.

"I mean, I- I don't, well. I might not, I just was thinking, um-"

"Why?" Eddie interrupted, turning off the faucet and drying his hands with a paper towel.

Buck cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, hoping to draw in some sober thoughts.

"I... I don't know. I really like him. I do. He's handsome and sweet, but..."

"But, what?"

"But... he's not... I don't feel like I'm enough for him. We are at different stages of life, ya know? I think he’s expecting me to be more than what I actually am."

Eddie peered at Buck for a while, eyes softening. Buck's vision blurred slightly as he stared back at him. Eddie's soft hair and strong jawline. Buck felt the urge to reach forward and touch his face.

"I think you're enough, Buck." Eddie finally said, quietly.

Buck laughed, half-heartedly. "Thanks Eddie. I just wish I had as much fun with Tommy as I do with you."

A small frown settled on Eddie's face. Buck breathed in sharply. A devastating realization pounded in his chest. I wish I had as much fun with Tommy as I do with you.

"I should break up with him," Buck said, his voice low.

"Yeah," Eddie breathed, taking a step forward. His hand found Buck's chin, tilting it up. "I think you should."

Buck couldn't hide the gasp that escaped between his teeth. He stared at Eddie, their eyes low and breathing shallow. His cheeks flushed as he placed his hands on Eddie's waist. His touch was hesitant and gentle, but it felt so comfortable where they were at. Something about it felt right.

Eddie leaned forward barely an inch, but Buck took a mile. Their lips met, soft and tender. Buck's eyes fluttered shut and he sighed quietly. He kissed his best friend the same way he kissed his boyfriend. But, with Eddie, everything felt different. This kiss felt kind and gentle, but urgent and longing. Like finally placing the last piece in a ten thousand piece puzzle. He felt himself relax into Eddie's touch, melting at the way he kissed him. Maybe they both knew their relationship would boil down to more than just a friendship. Kissing Eddie felt new but also wonderfully familiar. Maybe they've done this a hundred times in a past life, but it's still so exciting. Buck didn't realize how much he valued an emotional connection until now, as he's kissing his best friend.

Eddie's hands moved to cup Buck's face. He titled his head, pushing deeper into Buck's mouth and against his body. His hands roamed up and down Eddie's back and sides, wondering how he'll ever get enough of touching him this way. Buck moaned against Eddie's mouth as he sucked on his lower lip. Chills tingled down his spine and his head spun. A small part of him knew this wasn't fair to Tommy. But Buck really didn't care. He's waited his whole life for a kiss this good.

A sharp knock on the bathroom door startled them apart.

"Evan? Eddie?" Tommy's voice called through the door. "It's time to go!"

Eddie cleared his throat before taking a step away. His lips and cheeks were bright red. Buck felt airy and flushed as he marveled at the sight of him. He wanted more.

"O-o-okay! Just a second!" Buck called, keeping his eyes locked on Eddie.

Eddie ducked his head and smiled shyly. "Sorry."

Buck shook his head quickly, stepping forward and touching his finger tips to Eddie's jaw. "Don't be. Thanks for the advice."

Buck leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on Eddie's lips. He lingered longer than he should have and struggled to pull away.

This won't be the last time he'll be kissing Eddie Diaz.